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The group turning religious leaders into LGBTQ rights crusaders in Kenya

The group turning religious leaders into LGBTQ rights crusaders in Kenya

This piece was first published on Reasons to Be Cheerful and is part of the SoJo Exchange from the Solutions Journalism Network, a nonprofit organization dedicated to rigorous reporting about responses to social problems.


Penda* did not feel worthy of a seat at the table with the 15 religious leaders she found herself nervously sitting across from, seven of them Christian, eight of them Muslim.

"Before I attended that forum, I knew that I was a sinner," she recalls. "I didn't think it was possible for me to go near a church. I didn't even think that I could have a conversation with a religious leader."

Yet in 2014, Penda, a masculine-presenting lesbian, found herself in conversation with these faith leaders, all of whom believed — and in many cases preached — that homosexuality is evil. But this was no ordinary conversation. At Penda's side were three other people: a Kenyan gay man, a sex worker and someone living with HIV. None of the faith leaders knew these details. That information was held back — until just the right moment presented itself.

The forum was part of a strategic faith engagement session organized by Persons Marginalized and Aggrieved in Kenya (PEMA Kenya), a sexual and gender minority group in the coastal city of Mombasa. In Kenya, where the LGBTQ community is a frequent target of conservative religious leaders, who preach discrimination and sometimes even violence against them, PEMA Kenya takes an unusual approach: it works to "convert" faith leaders to the gay rights cause by introducing them to LGBTQ people, face to face, to build empathy, compassion and understanding.


The carefully orchestrated encounters require the utmost care — for all involved. "We don't aim to 'sensitize' religious leaders," says Lydia Atemba, a member of the faith engagement team. "We also prepare and equip our community to participate in dialogue with them. We try to bridge the gap on both sides."

The most unlikely allies

The five-day event attended by Penda and the 15 religious leaders was ostensibly to discuss barriers to health care faced by marginalized people who have HIV. For the first three days of the forum, no explicit mention of homosexuality was uttered.

"We [then] brought other queer members into the sessions and they spoke with the religious leaders," says Pastor McOveh, a queer pastor who helps to facilitate the program. (He requested his first name not be used.)

Penda was one of them. Now 44, she calmly shared her experience as a lesbian living in Mombasa. She had moved there in 2010, leaving behind the ruins of Kitale, a cosmopolitan town in Kenya that was struggling to recover from the 2007 election crisis. She described to them how she was verbally abused, and how she had been forced to sever ties with her spirituality because of faith leaders preaching anti-gay violence and discrimination.

"I have had troubles reconciling my sexuality and faith," she told the group.

She says sharing her personal story was surprisingly effective. The faith leaders' beliefs weren't instantly transformed, but, she says, "I think I saw a lot of compassion in some of them."

She was right. One of the conservative religious leaders in attendance that day was Pastor John Kambo. A pastor at the Independent Pentecostal Church of Kenya, Kambo was well known for his public attacks on the LGBTQ community. He once declared that "the gender and sexual minorities, especially in worship places, are cursed sinners and will go to hell."

This wasn't Kambo's first PEMA session. The organization had been holding discussions with him for four years, gradually drawing him onto their side. "It was just follow-up meetings — continuous engagement overtime [to] change the way [he] sees things," recalls Ishmael Bahati, PEMA Kenya's executive director and co-founder. During this period, Kambo began reflecting on what the Bible says about love. According to transcripts from PEMA Kenya, he ultimately said that "continuous participation in these trainings opened my mind and I realized that we are all human beings." The meeting with Penda was his last as an outsider — afterwards, he joined PEMA Kenya as an active, dedicated member, and remained one until his death last month.

In the end, Kambo became an unlikely friend to the queer community. He underwent PEMA's Training of Trainers, which taught him how to carefully discuss LGBTQ concerns with his fellow faith leaders. But his conversion came at a price. He was excommunicated from the church for three years, and his marriage hit the skids. He continued to be an ally, however, and in 2018 he became the first religious leader to be nominated as a "Human Rights Defender" by the National Coalition of Human Rights Defenders — Kenya.

That same year, Kambo invited Pastor Benhadad Mutua Kithome to a PEMA discussion. "PEMA Kenya produced good notes, and they were helping us very much," Kithome says of that meeting. "Some pastors were not agreeing with them — they were just agreeing with what the scriptures say. The way Sodom and Gomorrah was. The way, because of homosexuality, people were punished. But because of this training, some pastors, especially me, came to understand."

Athumani Abdullah Mohammed, an Ustaz (Islamic teacher) whose view of queer people changed gradually after partaking in a PEMA session in 2018, had a similar experience.

"When I got a chance to engage, it was not easy because… I work with conservative organizations," he says. "The whole gospel I was hearing was against 'this people,' as they called them. I thank my brother Ishmael because he was so persistent. He brought me on board. The funny thing is, the first meeting we held was not a good meeting. I was so against everything they were saying, but he saw something in me which I couldn't see by myself. And he kept on engaging me. Now, I learned to listen and I opened myself to listen. I listen to what I want to hear — and what I don't want to hear."

Converting a culture

The coastal city of Mombasa is a conservative place. Religion is at its core, and local faith leaders wield outsized influence, often preaching violence against the queer community.

"Rhetoric vilifying LGBT people, much of it by religious leaders, is particularly pronounced on [Kenya's] coast, and shapes public perceptions," according to a Human Rights Watch report.

This was the environment into which PEMA Kenya launched in 2008. Started as a health and social wellbeing community for gay and bisexual men following the tragic death of a gay man in Mombasa — he became sick and was abandoned by his family — the group later expanded to accommodate other gender and sexual minority groups. Then, in 2010, a call to "flush out gays" by two major religious groups — the Council of Imams and Preachers of Kenya (CIPK) and the National Council of Churches of Kenya (NCCK) — led to a spate of attacks on queer people.

The violence became a catalyzing moment for PEMA Kenya. "We thought that it is a good time to have a dialogue with the religious leaders," recalls Bahati, "to see if we can have a lasting solution for the attacks."

The organization appears to be making progress toward that goal. Until five years ago, Bahati says, Ramadan, which concluded this month, was a particularly dangerous time for queer people in Kenya's coastal region. A U.S. government report supports this observation, concluding that "the highest incidences of violence in the Kenyan Coast, which has a largely Muslim population, are reported during Ramadan."

For this reason, organizations like PEMA used to focus on simply keeping LGBTQ people safe from harm during these weeks. "Most organizations were looking for funds to relocate people, to support people" during this period, says Bahati.

But this year's Ramadan has been different. Attacks on queer folks are down, Bahati reports. "Things have really changed." He believes PEMA's years of meticulous relationship building are beginning to bear fruit. To date, PEMA has trained 619 religious leaders, 246 of which are still active members in the network. These members are crucial to spreading the acceptance of queerness in their congregations and communities in Mombasa and across Kenya. They also facilitate events alongside queer pastors and Ustaz, and review the group's strategic faith engagement manual, Facing Our Fears.

According to Jide Macaulay, an openly gay British-Nigerian priest, the influence religious leaders hold over public perception makes them invaluable allies. In his experience, building radical queer institutions in a place like Mombasa just isn't effective. This is something he learned first-hand — in 2006, Macaulay founded House of Rainbow, the first queer church in Nigeria. It was considered an affront to the societal and religious norm, and met with hostility. It lasted only two years.

"My largest focus was on the [queer] community, not necessarily on the rest of the society," he says. "We didn't take time to educate the society. House of Rainbow would have benefitted if we had allies within the community. [It] would have benefitted if we started maybe as a support group rather than a full-blown church."

Now, like PEMA Kenya, House of Rainbow has evolved to make engagement with Christian and Islamic faith leaders the core of its mission, holding forums in Malawi, Zambia, the Democratic Republic of Congo, South Africa, Lesotho, Botswana, Zimbabwe and Ghana.

What the scriptures say

Bahati's expertise as an Islamic scholar comes in handy. For instance, he notes that the role of language is key to winning converts to an inclusive community.

During PEMA's strategic meetings, faith leaders are introduced, carefully and tactfully, to humanizing language. "You see, the word homosexual, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer are not bad words," says Macaulay. "Society has made them scary." PEMA's facilitators explain appropriate usage, context and meanings, and the harmful implications of using such language as slurs.

"What we say is that language is not innocent," says McOveh, the gay pastor. "Most of the time we realize that faith leaders use language unknowingly."

Of course, simply teaching more sensitive language is only the first step. In the Bible and Quran, certain verses and stories are still used to justify homophobic slurs and attacks.

"You realize that scriptures have different interpretations," says McOveh, "so we try to find common ground to tell them that, see, there is this which is provided by the religion and this which is given as perception." Macaulay echoes this point. "Looking at the Bible, there's a history of bad theology, mistranslation, and that mistranslation has caused many churches not to understand that homosexuality is not a sin. Homosexuality is not like robbery or theft. Homosexuality is like being Black. Homosexuality is like being albino. There are things that you just cannot change…Homosexuality is not a crime and it should never be criminalized."

While groups like PEMA Kenya and House of Rainbow have battled systemic homophobia in society, their efforts are still "a drop of water in the ocean," says Macaulay.

Homosexuality remains illegal in Kenya. The Penal Code explicitly criminalizes it, and a conviction can carry a prison sentence of up to 14 years. Petitions filed in Nairobi and Mombasa high courts in 2019 to rule these laws unconstitutional were both dismissed this year. Appeals have been filed, but according to Michael Kioko, a lawyer and LGBTQ advocate, it would take a long time to get a ruling.

"We'll have to wait for years to see whether the court of appeal will declare those provisions unconstitutional, and they may not," he says.

32 out of 52 African countries criminalize same-sex relations, with punishment ranging from death to lengthy prison terms. In some ways, these laws lend legitimacy to perpetrators of homophobic violence and discrimination.

The pandemic has presented PEMA Kenya with yet another challenge. The delicate work of working with new religious leaders can be risky, and the discussions can only take place in a secure location, says Mohammed.

"You cannot talk to people about these things in their area," he says. "You need to be very particular when it comes to safety because it's a lot of voices which are talking against this and people are willing to kill." Holding discussions with participants in an undisclosed location is safer, but it requires funding which PEMA has spent on taking care of needy community members during the lockdown.

Still, the efforts of PEMA Kenya's faith leaders continue to foster a safer city for a lot of queer people in Mombasa — in the streets, in the churches and mosques, and in their own homes. "[Now] someone can walk for a kilometer without being attacked," says Penda with relief. "Those were things that were not very much happening back then."

*Name has been changed to protect the person's identity.


Kids

5 ways people are going all in this week

From the silly to the sentimental, here are five examples of people giving life their all.

5 ways people are going all in this week
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When you hear the phrase “all in,” what comes to mind? If you caught our article last week, you already know it means elaborate couple’s costumes, pumpkin carvings that are shockingly lifelike, and Halloween decorations that belong in a museum. But even when it’s not Halloween, the internet is still chock full of examples of people going “all in”—in other words, being their most creative, joyful, and passionate selves, unapologetically and out loud.

We’ve written a lot about what it means to live this way—and this Friday, we’re continuing the tradition. From senior photos to dog costumes, here are the best examples we’ve found on the Internet this week of people going “all in.”


This pacifier funeral

@lookitskateeee Bye bye paci😔🕊️! #churchtiktok #fyp #pacifierweaning #explore #momlife ♬ original sound - lookitskateeee

If you’re a parent, you’ve probably been here: Your kiddo has relied on a pacifier to calm them down all throughout infancy and toddlerhood—but now it’s time to leave the pacifier behind, and they’re not quite ready. What do you do? If you’re this hilarious family, you throw an entire funeral so everyone can lay the pacifier to rest once and for all. We can’t get over how elaborate this staged funeral is, from the “mourners” to the piano playing softly in the background as the eulogy is delivered to the BALLOON RELEASE at the end. It's absolute perfection from start to finish. No word yet on how Savannah (the pacifier owner) reacted to the loss of her beloved paci, but if this production doesn’t help her give it up, then probably nothing will.

This dog photoshoot 

@franklinbarkzoo Replying to @kate ♬ original sound - franklinbarkzoo
We’ve written about couple’s costumes, and we’ve written about group costumes. Now, we’re showing you the best example of being “all in” when it comes to animal costumes. In this video, TikTok creator Lisa Hefferman (who runs a dog walking and boarding service in South Boston called @ultimuttpaws) lines up her extremely well-behaved dogs for a Halloween photoshoot. Lisa’s dedication to getting the perfect shot is definitely something to be admired (“Rufus, you’re, like, too present.”), but we have to give the dogs credit, too. They’re truly going “all in” by being the calmest, most patient, and most cooperative group of pups we’ve ever seen. (Especially the one dressed up as a ghost.) The result is a photo so adorable it’s hard to even believe it’s real. Bravo.

Our "Nobody Wants This" watch party 

If you haven't caught the hit show "Nobody Wants This" on Netflix, you're seriously missing out. It seems like everybody loves this show—but clearly, nobody loves it more than our friends at All In, who threw an elaborate watch party for the season 2 premiere. The party featured life-size cutouts of the main characters, games (pin the bar on Kristen Bell? Genius), face masks, and of course, delicious snacks. They truly went "all in."

Speaking of our friends at All In—did we mention their snack bars (featured here in the video) are the perfect example of going "all in," too? Packed with fiber, nuts, and seeds, these bars are the perfect snack who wants something delicious AND chock-full of healthy stuff.

If that sounds scrumptious (and how could it not?!), you'll be happy to know that you can actually try one for free if you order through Sprouts Farmers Market, here. Simply snap a picture of your receipt and you'll be reimbursed through the Aisle app. Easy peasy!

A neighborhood food pantry donation 

@ajpgh412 We’re going to help so many people 😭 #snap #foodpantry #foodbank #trump #pittsburgh ♬ original sound - ajpgh412
Times are tough right now for a lot of Americans who rely on nutrition assistance. A small silver lining, however, is seeing how people in different communities have been stepping up to provide food for their neighbors. In this video, creator @ajpgh412 explains how he started a food pantry in the front yard of his house recently, with help from his sons. When he goes to update TikTok on the pantry’s progress, he’s overcome with emotion: An anonymous donor has left what appears to be hundreds (thousands?) of dollars in his mailbox, along with a note saying, “May God prosper and bless your food pantry.” Talk about going “all in” for your fellow man. We love to see it.

This kid's joyful senior photos

@wambamthanksam Editing these today and I’m HYPE. #Seniorphotos #fyp #foryou #colorado #coloradosprings ♬ original sound - Sam

There’s senior photos, and then there’s this kid’s senior photos. While some seniors might opt to just dress up in their football jerseys, this kid decided he wanted to “frolick”—and he absolutely delivered. Hats off to this kid and his completely unbridled joy. As the photographer wrote in her caption, “10/10. No notes.” We agree—he nailed it.

Snag your free (!!) snack bar here while this deal lasts. Just pick up a bar at Sprouts and text a pic of your receipt to get it for free. Enoy!

great depression, the great depression, great depression recipes, great depression food, great depression recipe
Lewis Wickes Hine/Library of Congress, Dorothea Lange/Wikipedia

Recipes from the Great Depression to make today.

The Great Depression, which lasted from 1929-1939, caused economic turmoil worldwide. Families struggled to feed themselves, and went to extreme lengths to stretch food and utilize all available ingredients.

Known as the Greatest Generation (those born between 1901 and 1927), their resourcefulness resulted in a number of creative (and delicious) recipes that remain relevant today. Home chefs and bakers shared their Great Depression recipes on Reddit that have been passed down and are still enjoyed today to help others get inventive and save money.


From soups and stews to cakes, these are 17 Great Depression recipes to try.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Soups, Stews and More

Beef and Noodles

"My grandmas go to: Bag of egg noodles 1 can of creamed corn 1 can Campbells chicken noodle soup 1 lb ground beef. Salt and pepper to taste. Brown ground beef, add all other ingredients, add enough water or light chicken stock to cover noodles if needed. Bring to boil, and reduce to a simmer for about 15 minutes, take off the heat and let it rest 10 minutes before serving with buttered white bread. I still make this to this day. My kids loved it too. Basically homemade Hamburger Helper." - -__Doc__-

Hoover Stew

Ingredients

1 box noodles
A can of tomatoes
1 package of hot dogs, or 1 can of sausage or meat
A can of corn, peas or beans
2-4 cups water

Instructions

"Mix all ingredients together in a pot until boiling. Then simmer for 15-20 minutes until the noodles are tender. If you have aromatics, onion and garlic would be a great addition. If not, the recipe is great as is." - Josuaross54

Zaprezna soup

"Depression soup... make a roux, add salt pepper and caraway seeds. Add water to make a thick soup texture. Use an egg or two mixed with flour and salt pepper and mix together to make dumplings.. drop into the soup to cook.. This was called zaprezna soup or depression soup. We ate it often in the 60's after my dad abandoned us. Money was short but this soup was good." - User Unknown

Chipped Beef On Toast

Ingredients

8 oz. dried beef jerky
2 tbsp butter or oil
4 tbsp flour
4 cups milk
Salt and pepper to taste
Sliced homemade bread, for serving

Instructions

"Add jerky and oil to a pan over medium heat. Cook until the meat softens, about 3-4 minutes. Stir in your flour and cook for 1-2 minutes. Add milk and bring to a low boil. Allow sauce to thicken for up to 5 minutes. Season with salt and pepper if you have it. Serve over homemade bread, toasted if desired." - Josuaross54

Rivel Soup

"In Ohio…My mom would cook Rivel Soup when I was a kid in 80s and 90s. She still makes it. It’s milk based with flour dough balls in it. I hate it. Sometimes they would fry potatoes and put them in the soup." - Vegetable_Record_855

Potato Soup

Ingredients

4 large potatoes, peeled and sliced (or 2 cans of potatoes)
2 garlic cloves, chopped
One carrot, sliced
A can of meat, sausage, or hot dogs (optional)
3 cups water or stock
3 cups milk
Any herbs you have on-hand
Salt to taste

Instructions

"Slice all your potatoes, garlic, and carrots. Add to a soup pot with the meat, water, and milk. Bring to a boil and reduce the heat, keeping the mix at a low simmer. Then, cook for 30 minutes until all veggies are tender. Add herbs and salt, if using. Serve hot." - Josuaross54

Tuna Fish Stew

"My mother's family always made tuna fish stew. It is celery, potatoes, canned tuna fish, milk, and hard boiled eggs. Sautee the celery until half way cooked, throw in some chopped potatoes and water. Cook until the potatoes are done. Thin the stew with some milk. Throw in chopped hard boil eggs. Salt and pepper to taste Serve over stale bread. It was cheap, quick, and really filling." - RoseNoire4

@foodwanderer

Great Depression Cooking Recipe #greatdepression #recipe #cooking #frugalmeals #cookingonabudget #nostalgia #friedpotatoes #hotdogs #foodwanderer #tastetest #SplashSummerVibe

Sides

Baked Beans

Ingredients

1 package soaked dried beans, or 2 cans of beans
One tomato, chopped
1 onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, chopped
2 tbsp lard
Two tbsp molasses
One cup water

Instructions
"Soak your beans, if using dried, overnight and drain the liquid. Prepare your veggies by chopping. Omit any vegetable that you do not have on-hand. Add lard to a stock pot and cook your vegetables until tender. Add the beans, molasses, and water. Cook all together with a lid on for 2-3 hours or until the beans have your desired consistency. Add more water if needed.

Milk Potatoes

"Milk potatoes. Fry sliced potatoes with salt, pepper and a bit of onion until almost done. Pour milk over potatoes and simmer until potatoes are cooked through." - kms811•6y ago

Ash Cakes

"Ash cakes got their name because different renditions are cooked in the hot white ash of your campfire. These are only 3 ingredients but are filling and have a great texture.

Ingredients

½ cup cornmeal
1 cup meat stock or water
2 tbsp lard or grease

Instructions
Mix both ingredients together in a bowl and allow to sit overnight to hydrate the cornmeal. Pat into a bread pan and refrigerate or add to your cool storage before allowing to set up. The next day, slice into 1-inch slices and fry in melted lard. Serve hot and crispy." - Josuaross54

Sweets

Potato Donuts

"Potato donuts 🍩 from depression era cooking with Dylan Hollis." - BainbridgeBorn

Wacky Cake

"If you have interest in baking, make a wacky cake. It’s a chocolate cake that has no milk, butter, or eggs, because those items were scarce during the Depression, but it is so good! The recipe I linked has more steps, but I’ve known a lot of people to literally just dump and mix everything in the baking dish." - gwhite81218

@bdylanhollis

The cake without butter, eggs or milk #baking #vintage #cooking #cake

Rice Pudding

Ingredients

1 cup rice
2 cups milk
2 tbsp butter
3 tbsp honey, maple syrup, or molasses
Pinch of cinnamon

"Combine all ingredients in a small saucepan and cook over low heat, about 20 minutes, stirring frequently. Taste for doneness and cook an additional 5 minutes, tasting until desired consistency. Serve warm." - Josuaross54

Tomato Soup Cake

"Tomato soup cake." - AxelCanin

Water Pie

"Water pie 😋😍." - AxelCanin

Mock Apple Pie

"There was a thing for 'apple' pie made with Ritz crackers my grandmother made some time ago (she was born 1901 so def Depression life).https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/9545/mock-apple-pie/ That recipe looks more complicated than the one grandma made, but there are a number of recipes online for it, including one made by Ritz, on the box." - User Unknown

Hard Time Pudding

"Batter: 1 cup flour
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup raisins (Optional, I hate them)
3 tsp Baking powder
1/2 cup water
Syrup: 1 1/2 cup Brown sugar
1 TBSP. butter/marg.
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 - 2 cup water

Mix together flour, sugar, raisins, Baking powder, and water. Pour into a baking dish. In a sauce pan combine brown sugar, butter, water bring to boil then add vanilla and pour over the batter. Bake at 300 º for 1/2 hour." - MsBean18

bed bugs, bed bug, infestation, how to get rid of bed bugs, tips

Mark Rober subjected himself to bed bug bites in the name of science.

Every parent has said the line: "Good night! Sleep tight! Don't let the bed bugs bite!" This sing-song rhyme that has been around for centuries alludes to the fact that bed bugs were prevalent in the past. After a significant decrease post-WWII, however, the sneaky pests have been making a comeback. Since the 1990s, bed bug infestations have risen dramatically, leading people to look for ways to avoid and get rid of the blood-sucking little buggers.

Unfortunately, a lot of the information about how to do that is flat-out wrong. Popular YouTube science communicator, and former NASA engineer, Mark Rober invites viewers to forget what we think we know and go on an educational journey with the leading bed bug researchers at Rutgers University's urban entomology lab. Not only did Rober subject himself to bed bug bites on purpose to see what happens when they feed, but he also conducted a series of experiments in the lab to find out what is actually effective at killing them and what is not.


bed bugs, bed bug, insects, gif, infestation Bed Bugs Belarus GIF Giphy

Bed bugs have a reputation for being nearly impossible to get rid of, which isn't really the case, according to Rober. When you know what works, it's actually a fairly simple process to kill an infestation. And the good news is that it doesn't entail any toxic chemicals—in fact the pest control chemicals sold for bed bugs don't work at all, according to Rober's tests.

In the process of learning about bed bugs, Rober shared a few "super wild" facts about the infamous creatures.

Fact #1: Bed bugs can live 3 to 10 months without feeding.

Eek. No wonder it seems like it's impossible to get rid of them. Starving them doesn't work. They can live in the resting stage for three to six months, and if the environment is cold enough, they can survive around 300 days, or 10 months, without eating.

- YouTube youtu.be

Fact #2: Bed bugs don't transmit disease

Some good news here: Unlike blood-sucking mosquitoes, bed bugs don't carry or transmit disease. The bad news on the front is that because they don't pose a disease threat, only an annoyance, there's not a big incentive to fund research to eradicate them.

Fact #3: Bed bugs are attracted to vertical objects

In one of Rober's experiments, he placed a dish with a cylindrical vertical column inside it and a dish without a column, and nearly all of the bed bugs in the enclosure ended up in the dish with the column. "If you think about it, humans sleep at the highest elevation any given room. So their logic is just crawl up any vertical surface you see until you eventually find a warm-blooded meal at the top."

Part of how they find humans is by smell, which is why certain strong-smelling items can act as a deterrent for bed bugs. In Rober's experiment, Bounce dryer sheets, moth balls, baking soda, and essential oils all seemed to repel bed bugs (as opposed to ultrasonic pest repellants, which appeared to have no effect). However, none of those things did anything to kill them.

bed bugs, bed bug, infestation, how to spot bed bugs, tips Bed bugs are about the size of an apple seed. Photo credit: Canva

Fact #4: Before 1950, one in three homes had bed bugs

Yikes. Even with the resurgence, we're still nowhere near those numbers, thank goodness.

Fact #5: The way bed bugs mate is weird

The term used to describe it is called "traumatic insemination," and really, you should just let Mark Rober explain it with his visual metaphor. Start at minute 11:30.

bed bugs, mating, bed bug, infestation, tips bed bugs Giphy

Two things work well to kill bed bugs—diatomaceous earth and heat

In testing chemical sprays, foggers, and other items marketed for killing bed bugs, Rober found a "superstar" in a natural, non-toxic substance. Diatomaceous earth—pulverized fossilized remains of tiny aquatic organisms called diatoms—was the most effective at killing the buggers with a 90% mortality rate after 10 days as opposed to 12% with the Hot Shot bed bug spray. Diatomaceous earth is mostly silica, which absorbs moisture, and when the silica dust sticks to the bed bugs as the walk through it, it dehydrates them. A light dusting of diatomaceous earth around all the cracks and crevices of a room is one way to kill off an infestation, though that process can take days.

The other way to kill bed bugs is heat. Steam kills bed bugs, as does heating up a room to over 122 degrees Fahrenheit. Temps over 122 degrees kills bed bugs instantly, and as Rober points out, there's no way for them to build immunity to this kind of treatment. So steamers and clothes dryers set to high are the average person's best bet for killing off bed bugs if they have them. The "nuclear option" is to have a pro come in with big heaters and cook your home for a day.

checking for bed bugs, bed bug poop, bed bugs in mattress, safety, tips Checking mattresses for signs of bed bugs at a hotel can help you avoid bringing them home. Photo credit: Canva

How do you avoid getting bed bugs in the first place?

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, and that's true for bed bugs especially. Avoiding an infestation if there's already one in your apartment building is trickier, but a lot of people inadvertently bring bed bugs home from hotel stays. Checking the underside of a hotel mattress as soon as you enter the room is a good habit to practice. Bed bugs poop a lot, and there will be spots along the edges of the mattress if bed bugs are present.

The other tip is to use the luggage rack to store your suitcase instead of leaving it on the floor or furniture, and to hang clothes on the closet hangers instead of putting them into the hotel room's dresser drawers. Some people may even put their suitcase in the bathtub, at least until they've checked the bed for signs of poop.

Nobody wants to deal with bed bugs, but at least now we have clear evidence of what actually works to get rid of them and what doesn't. Cook them with heat/steam and dehydrate them with diatomaceous earth, and take some simple steps when traveling to lessen your chances of getting them in the first place.

Sleep tight, everyone!

This article originally appeared in March. It has been updated.

bee gees, how deep is your love, bee gees live

The Bee Gees singing "How Deep is Your Love" in 1998.

Not all live performances are created equal, but when the circumstances and the talent are just right, they can far surpass studio recordings. In 1998, the Bee Gees, brothers Barry, Robin and Maurice Gibb, stopped by ITV’s “Des O'Connor Tonight” with acoustic guitars in hand to promote their recent release, “One Night Only,” an album and live concert DVD featuring many of the band’s biggest hits.

The highlight of the performance was when Barry got ready to strum his guitar for a performance of “How Deep Is Your Love,” the 1977 megahit from the “Saturday Night Fever Soundtrack,” but instead chose to sing the song a cappella.


Barry starts the song solo in his beautiful falsetto, but then, when his brothers join him, they create a wonderful harmony that only brothers can make. The show’s host, Des O’Connor, a notable singer himself, even joins in for a few bars.

- YouTube youtu.be

Earlier in the performance, the brothers played their version of “Islands in the Stream,” a song made famous by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers in 1983 that was written by the Bee Gees. In 1998, the song was enjoying a resurgence as its melody was used in the song “Ghetto Supastar” by Pras of The Fugees.

Robin Gibb later admitted that the song was initially written for Marvin Gaye to sing, but he was tragically murdered in 1984 by his father. The band also had Diana Ross in mind while composing the tune.

During the appearance, the band also sang “Guilty,” a song that the Bee Gees wrote for Barbara Streisand and Barry produced in 1980.

You can watch the entire performance here:

- YouTube youtu.be

The Gibb brothers started making music together when they were children, and after their first public appearance together at a local movie theater in 1956, they were hooked on performing.

“It was the feeling of standing in front of an audience that was so amazing," said Barry. "We’d never seen anything like it. We were very young, but it made an enormous impression. We didn’t want to do anything else but make music.”

After the family moved to Australia in 1958, Barry, Maurice, and Robin were "discovered" at the Redcliffe Speedway, where they had asked to perform between races. Even over the tinny PA system, their harmonies made an impression. Speedway manager Bill Goode introduced the trio to DJ Bill Gates, who set them up with a recording session.

the bee gees, gibb brothers, maurice, barry, robin gibb Stayin Alive GIF by Bee Gees Giphy

If you've ever wondered how the Bee Gees got their name, that was it: Bill Goode, Bill Gates, Barry Gibb, and the brothers' mother Barbara Gibb all had the initials B.G. After a strong reception on the airwaves in Brisbane, Gates forwarded the brothers' recordings to a Sydney radio station. They got a lot of airtime there as well, and the band had a run of success performing in Australia, but it wasn't until their return to England in 1967 that they became the international sensation we all know today.

Manager Robert Stigwood had received tapes from the Gibbs brothers and called them up within weeks of their arrival in the U.K.

“I loved their composing,” Stigwood told Rolling Stone in 1977. “I also loved their harmony singing. It was unique, the sound they made; I suppose it was a sound only brothers could make.”

- YouTube www.youtube.com

And, as they say, the rest is history. The award-winning 2020 HBO documentary, "The Bee Gees: How Can You Mend a Broken Heart" tells the story of the band with loads of footage from throughout their 40-year career, which includes not only their disco-era fame, but the various phases of their musical journey and the countless songs they wrote for other artists.

As one commenter wrote, "People that call the Bee Gees a 'disco group' don't have a clue. They had 10 albums out before they ventured into 'disco.' Their song catalogue is amazing and some of their very best songs were written long before Saturday Night Fever. Those 'disco' songs are classics as well. It is nice to see they are finally getting the recognition they deserve."

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

conversation, conversation tips, social skills, vinh giang, explainer, learning, neuroscience, psychology

Business meeting in progress with focused discussion.

We’ve all been there: sitting in a meeting or group conversation, following along intently…until suddenly someone turns to you with a question. And just like that *poof* your brain pulls the ripcord. The words disappear, our mind goes blank, and whatever comes out of our mouths is a jumble of half-formed sentences held together by pure panic. That’s if anything comes out at all!

It’s embarrassing, yes. But more importantly, it can be discouraging, especially in professional settings where confidence and clarity matter.


Thankfully, communication expert Vinh Giang has an incredibly human (and surprisingly science-backed) explanation for why this happens, along with practical tools we can use to stay calm and speak clearly when it counts.

Cognitive Overload

conversation, conversation tips, social skills, vinh giang, explainer, learning, neuroscience, psychology Team meeting chaos: one employee silently pleads for help.Photo credit: Canva

Your “working memory,” aka the part of your brain that holds onto present moment information, can only maintain about four to seven pieces of different information at a time. In a work meeting, you’re likely already mentally juggling multiple elements—what’s being discussed, filtering what’s relevant, observing and interpreting body language, etc.—and the sudden “extra demand" of now answering a question can push your working memory past its limit, explains Giang.

Fight, Flight, or Freeze

conversation, conversation tips, social skills, vinh giang, explainer, learning, neuroscience, psychology Overcoming fears: Shadow looms large, but courage stands firm.Photo credit: Canva

This nervous system response is the biological next step after cognitive overload. When you are put on the spot, and the adrenaline/heart rate/cortisol starts pumping, no resources go towards the part of your brain that helps you think clearly (prefrontal cortex). Instead, everything in your amygdala (the brains’ “alarm system,” as Giang put it) kicks in and causes you to treat the situation like a life-threatening event. So you freeze up the same way you might if you run into a grizzly bear.

On the other hand, you might go into “fight” mode, which in this case, looks a lot like rambling. Also not good.

No Retrieval Cue

conversation, conversation tips, social skills, vinh giang, explainer, learning, neuroscience, psychology Confused expression against a bright yellow background.Photo credit: Canva

Retrieval cues are external or internal triggers that bring back a long term memory. A special candle that smells just like your grandma's lotion, for example, or feeling sad can trigger memories of other times you were sad.

When a question is thrown at you, you don’t necessarily get one of these cues, and your brain scrambles for where to begin.

“It’s like digging through your backpack stuffed with loose papers. All the information is there, but with everyone watching and the clock ticking, you can't seem to find the right page so you fumble,” says Giang.

The biggest takeaway here isn’t that you don’t have the information you need to clearly express yourself, you just don’t have a system for organizing the plethora of information swirling around inside of you. And for that Giang suggested using the PREP (point, reason example, point) framework, which is as follows:

  • Point: One main or opinion that kicks things off.
  • Reason: Just one explanation as to why you hold that point or believe it is true, using justifications and evidence.
  • Example: Data, a story, or concrete illustration to support your reasoning and make your point more persuasive.
  • Point: Reiterating your original main point to reinforce your message and provide a strong conclusion.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Not only this, but giving yourself a second to pause, breathe, and take in the question, repeating or reframing the question to yourself, and slowing down your speech as you answer can be incredibly helpful in clear, concise communication.

At the end of the day, blanking out doesn’t mean you’re unprepared or incapable. It's a sign your brain is working overtime. The good news is you only need a few simple adjustments to turn those high-pressure moments into opportunities for clarity.

Parenting

Eliana, Aurora, Luca, Malachi: The baby names that ruled 2025 and what to expect in 2026

From TV shows to classic literature, here's what is influencing the names parents are choosing.

newborn baby, baby names, parenting, girl names, boy names

Naming a baby is a major life decision.

Naming a baby can be a fun endeavor, but it's also a lot of pressure. Names are personal, often meaningful, and unless we decide to change them will be something we hear over and over our whole lives. So when parents are choosing baby names out of the innumerable possibilities, there's a lot to consider.

One consideration is popularity. Some parents don't want a popular name for their child, while others are drawn to the trends of their time. The number of middle-aged Jennifers and Joshes attest to this fact, but every year, the most popular baby names shift a bit. BabyCenter keeps track of naming trends and offers an annual report that ranks names by popularity.


The 2025 report has a few surprises, despite the No. 1 most popular name for both girls and boys remained unchanged. Olivia and Noah once again took the top spots, but there are also some surprise newcomers to the Top 10 of 2025.

baby names, naming children, babycenter, girl names, boy names BabyCenter's Top 10 baby names for 2025.Canva

In first-time appearances in the Top 10 list of names for girls, Eliana (No. 7) and Aurora (No. 9) ousted Ava (No. 11) and Luna (No. 13). Amelia held onto the No. 2 spot for the second year in a row.

Other names making big shifts on the girls chart were Eloise jumping 26 spots to No. 75 and Emersyn leaping a whopping 50 spots to No. 89. Catalina, Oaklynn, Juniper, and Kehlani all got into the Top 100 list for the first time, and Vivian hit the Top 100 for the first time since 1934.

For boys, the top five spots remained unchanged from 2024, but the Top 10 did see one newcomer with Luca coming in at No. 10, knocking down Leo to No. 11. Perhaps some influence from the 2021 Pixar film, Luca?

luca, names, silenzio bruno, pixar, baby names The name Luca has seen a rise in popularity. Giphy

Malachi and Ali made their debuts in the Top 100 names for boys, and Arthur popped back into the Top 100 for the first time since 1970.

What to expect for baby name trends in 2026

Next year's names will be influenced by this year's trends, and here's what appears to be influencing them, according to BabyCenter:

Pop culture continues to play a dominant role in what Americans name their babies, and there are some new influences in that department. Severance fans may not be surprised to learn that the name Helena has jumped up 50 spots on the charts (which does beg the question of whether the nickname Helly will take root). If you like The Pitt, the names Samira and Heather have gone up 276 and 116 spots, respectively. Belinda climbed a head-turning 2,402 spots, which BabyCenter connects with the show White Lotus. The names Chelsea for girls and Valentin and Fabian for boys have also seen a jump (though not nearly as large as Belinda). And fans of The Summer I Turned Pretty may be happy to know that Susannah shot over 3,000 spots up the chart.


susannah, the summer i turned pretty, names, baby names, Susannah has climbed over 3,000 spots on the baby name chart. Giphy

K-Pop bands appear to be having some sway over baby names as well, with BTS's Jin rising 699 spots, and Seventeen's Jun climbing 1,397 spots. Throwback boy band names have also been climbing, including Howie, Nick, Lance, and Joey.

How about sports? The NBA championship-winning Oklahoma City Thunder saw some names of its players make jumps, including Jaylin, Dillon, Jalen, and Isaiah. Same for WNBA players Courtney, Kelsey, Natasha, and Erica.

On the faith front, the passing of Pope Francis may have had people paying more attention to his name. For both boys and girls, Francis and its variants are all on the rise, including Francesco, Frankie, and Franz for boys and Francine, Frances, and Francesca for girls.

pope francis, vatican, catholic, baby names, popular names Pope Francis passed away in April 2025. Giphy

Classic literature seems to be having a moment as well, with names of American authors and characters seeing upward movement. That includes Ernest, Ishmael, Sylvia, Octavia, Sawyer, Finn, Holden, and Buchanan.

What about names that are on their way out? It appears that boys names ending in "y" are plunging. Grady, Grey, Kody, Murphy, and Gray are all down 3-digit numbers on the charts.

Of course, all kinds of things can influence baby name trends, so who knows what surprises 2026 might have in store. Will Noah and Olivia be able to hold onto their crowns for yet another year? Time will tell. Happy naming, prospective parents!

babies, baby names, parenting, popular names, top names of 2025 How do you choose a name for a brand new human? Photo credit: Canva

You can read BabyCenter's 2025 Most Popular Baby Names report here.