The group turning religious leaders into LGBTQ rights crusaders in Kenya

This piece was first published on Reasons to Be Cheerful and is part of the SoJo Exchange from the Solutions Journalism Network, a nonprofit organization dedicated to rigorous reporting about responses to social problems. Penda* did not feel worthy of a seat at the table with the 15 religious leaders she found herself nervously sitting…

Array
ArrayPhoto credit: Reasons to Be Cheerful

This piece was first published on Reasons to Be Cheerful and is part of the SoJo Exchange from the Solutions Journalism Network, a nonprofit organization dedicated to rigorous reporting about responses to social problems.

Penda* did not feel worthy of a seat at the table with the 15 religious leaders she found herself nervously sitting across from, seven of them Christian, eight of them Muslim.

“Before I attended that forum, I knew that I was a sinner,” she recalls. “I didn’t think it was possible for me to go near a church. I didn’t even think that I could have a conversation with a religious leader.”

Yet in 2014, Penda, a masculine-presenting lesbian, found herself in conversation with these faith leaders, all of whom believed — and in many cases preached — that homosexuality is evil. But this was no ordinary conversation. At Penda’s side were three other people: a Kenyan gay man, a sex worker and someone living with HIV. None of the faith leaders knew these details. That information was held back — until just the right moment presented itself.

The forum was part of a strategic faith engagement session organized by Persons Marginalized and Aggrieved in Kenya (PEMA Kenya), a sexual and gender minority group in the coastal city of Mombasa. In Kenya, where the LGBTQ community is a frequent target of conservative religious leaders, who preach discrimination and sometimes even violence against them, PEMA Kenya takes an unusual approach: it works to “convert” faith leaders to the gay rights cause by introducing them to LGBTQ people, face to face, to build empathy, compassion and understanding.


The carefully orchestrated encounters require the utmost care — for all involved. “We don’t aim to ‘sensitize’ religious leaders,” says Lydia Atemba, a member of the faith engagement team. “We also prepare and equip our community to participate in dialogue with them. We try to bridge the gap on both sides.”

The most unlikely allies

The five-day event attended by Penda and the 15 religious leaders was ostensibly to discuss barriers to health care faced by marginalized people who have HIV. For the first three days of the forum, no explicit mention of homosexuality was uttered.

“We [then] brought other queer members into the sessions and they spoke with the religious leaders,” says Pastor McOveh, a queer pastor who helps to facilitate the program. (He requested his first name not be used.)

Penda was one of them. Now 44, she calmly shared her experience as a lesbian living in Mombasa. She had moved there in 2010, leaving behind the ruins of Kitale, a cosmopolitan town in Kenya that was struggling to recover from the 2007 election crisis. She described to them how she was verbally abused, and how she had been forced to sever ties with her spirituality because of faith leaders preaching anti-gay violence and discrimination.

“I have had troubles reconciling my sexuality and faith,” she told the group.

She says sharing her personal story was surprisingly effective. The faith leaders’ beliefs weren’t instantly transformed, but, she says, “I think I saw a lot of compassion in some of them.”

She was right. One of the conservative religious leaders in attendance that day was Pastor John Kambo. A pastor at the Independent Pentecostal Church of Kenya, Kambo was well known for his public attacks on the LGBTQ community. He once declared that “the gender and sexual minorities, especially in worship places, are cursed sinners and will go to hell.”

This wasn’t Kambo’s first PEMA session. The organization had been holding discussions with him for four years, gradually drawing him onto their side. “It was just follow-up meetings — continuous engagement overtime [to] change the way [he] sees things,” recalls Ishmael Bahati, PEMA Kenya’s executive director and co-founder. During this period, Kambo began reflecting on what the Bible says about love. According to transcripts from PEMA Kenya, he ultimately said that “continuous participation in these trainings opened my mind and I realized that we are all human beings.” The meeting with Penda was his last as an outsider — afterwards, he joined PEMA Kenya as an active, dedicated member, and remained one until his death last month.

In the end, Kambo became an unlikely friend to the queer community. He underwent PEMA’s Training of Trainers, which taught him how to carefully discuss LGBTQ concerns with his fellow faith leaders. But his conversion came at a price. He was excommunicated from the church for three years, and his marriage hit the skids. He continued to be an ally, however, and in 2018 he became the first religious leader to be nominated as a “Human Rights Defender” by the National Coalition of Human Rights Defenders — Kenya.

That same year, Kambo invited Pastor Benhadad Mutua Kithome to a PEMA discussion. “PEMA Kenya produced good notes, and they were helping us very much,” Kithome says of that meeting. “Some pastors were not agreeing with them — they were just agreeing with what the scriptures say. The way Sodom and Gomorrah was. The way, because of homosexuality, people were punished. But because of this training, some pastors, especially me, came to understand.”

Athumani Abdullah Mohammed, an Ustaz (Islamic teacher) whose view of queer people changed gradually after partaking in a PEMA session in 2018, had a similar experience.

“When I got a chance to engage, it was not easy because… I work with conservative organizations,” he says. “The whole gospel I was hearing was against ‘this people,’ as they called them. I thank my brother Ishmael because he was so persistent. He brought me on board. The funny thing is, the first meeting we held was not a good meeting. I was so against everything they were saying, but he saw something in me which I couldn’t see by myself. And he kept on engaging me. Now, I learned to listen and I opened myself to listen. I listen to what I want to hear — and what I don’t want to hear.”

Converting a culture

The coastal city of Mombasa is a conservative place. Religion is at its core, and local faith leaders wield outsized influence, often preaching violence against the queer community.

“Rhetoric vilifying LGBT people, much of it by religious leaders, is particularly pronounced on [Kenya’s] coast, and shapes public perceptions,” according to a Human Rights Watch report.

This was the environment into which PEMA Kenya launched in 2008. Started as a health and social wellbeing community for gay and bisexual men following the tragic death of a gay man in Mombasa — he became sick and was abandoned by his family — the group later expanded to accommodate other gender and sexual minority groups. Then, in 2010, a call to “flush out gays” by two major religious groups — the Council of Imams and Preachers of Kenya (CIPK) and the National Council of Churches of Kenya (NCCK) — led to a spate of attacks on queer people.

The violence became a catalyzing moment for PEMA Kenya. “We thought that it is a good time to have a dialogue with the religious leaders,” recalls Bahati, “to see if we can have a lasting solution for the attacks.”

The organization appears to be making progress toward that goal. Until five years ago, Bahati says, Ramadan, which concluded this month, was a particularly dangerous time for queer people in Kenya’s coastal region. A U.S. government report supports this observation, concluding that “the highest incidences of violence in the Kenyan Coast, which has a largely Muslim population, are reported during Ramadan.”

For this reason, organizations like PEMA used to focus on simply keeping LGBTQ people safe from harm during these weeks. “Most organizations were looking for funds to relocate people, to support people” during this period, says Bahati.

But this year’s Ramadan has been different. Attacks on queer folks are down, Bahati reports. “Things have really changed.” He believes PEMA’s years of meticulous relationship building are beginning to bear fruit. To date, PEMA has trained 619 religious leaders, 246 of which are still active members in the network. These members are crucial to spreading the acceptance of queerness in their congregations and communities in Mombasa and across Kenya. They also facilitate events alongside queer pastors and Ustaz, and review the group’s strategic faith engagement manual, Facing Our Fears.

According to Jide Macaulay, an openly gay British-Nigerian priest, the influence religious leaders hold over public perception makes them invaluable allies. In his experience, building radical queer institutions in a place like Mombasa just isn’t effective. This is something he learned first-hand — in 2006, Macaulay founded House of Rainbow, the first queer church in Nigeria. It was considered an affront to the societal and religious norm, and met with hostility. It lasted only two years.

“My largest focus was on the [queer] community, not necessarily on the rest of the society,” he says. “We didn’t take time to educate the society. House of Rainbow would have benefitted if we had allies within the community. [It] would have benefitted if we started maybe as a support group rather than a full-blown church.”

Now, like PEMA Kenya, House of Rainbow has evolved to make engagement with Christian and Islamic faith leaders the core of its mission, holding forums in Malawi, Zambia, the Democratic Republic of Congo, South Africa, Lesotho, Botswana, Zimbabwe and Ghana.

What the scriptures say

Bahati’s expertise as an Islamic scholar comes in handy. For instance, he notes that the role of language is key to winning converts to an inclusive community.

During PEMA’s strategic meetings, faith leaders are introduced, carefully and tactfully, to humanizing language. “You see, the word homosexual, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer are not bad words,” says Macaulay. “Society has made them scary.” PEMA’s facilitators explain appropriate usage, context and meanings, and the harmful implications of using such language as slurs.

“What we say is that language is not innocent,” says McOveh, the gay pastor. “Most of the time we realize that faith leaders use language unknowingly.”

Of course, simply teaching more sensitive language is only the first step. In the Bible and Quran, certain verses and stories are still used to justify homophobic slurs and attacks.

“You realize that scriptures have different interpretations,” says McOveh, “so we try to find common ground to tell them that, see, there is this which is provided by the religion and this which is given as perception.” Macaulay echoes this point. “Looking at the Bible, there’s a history of bad theology, mistranslation, and that mistranslation has caused many churches not to understand that homosexuality is not a sin. Homosexuality is not like robbery or theft. Homosexuality is like being Black. Homosexuality is like being albino. There are things that you just cannot change…Homosexuality is not a crime and it should never be criminalized.”

While groups like PEMA Kenya and House of Rainbow have battled systemic homophobia in society, their efforts are still “a drop of water in the ocean,” says Macaulay.

Homosexuality remains illegal in Kenya. The Penal Code explicitly criminalizes it, and a conviction can carry a prison sentence of up to 14 years. Petitions filed in Nairobi and Mombasa high courts in 2019 to rule these laws unconstitutional were both dismissed this year. Appeals have been filed, but according to Michael Kioko, a lawyer and LGBTQ advocate, it would take a long time to get a ruling.

“We’ll have to wait for years to see whether the court of appeal will declare those provisions unconstitutional, and they may not,” he says.

32 out of 52 African countries criminalize same-sex relations, with punishment ranging from death to lengthy prison terms. In some ways, these laws lend legitimacy to perpetrators of homophobic violence and discrimination.

The pandemic has presented PEMA Kenya with yet another challenge. The delicate work of working with new religious leaders can be risky, and the discussions can only take place in a secure location, says Mohammed.

“You cannot talk to people about these things in their area,” he says. “You need to be very particular when it comes to safety because it’s a lot of voices which are talking against this and people are willing to kill.” Holding discussions with participants in an undisclosed location is safer, but it requires funding which PEMA has spent on taking care of needy community members during the lockdown.

Still, the efforts of PEMA Kenya’s faith leaders continue to foster a safer city for a lot of queer people in Mombasa — in the streets, in the churches and mosques, and in their own homes. “[Now] someone can walk for a kilometer without being attacked,” says Penda with relief. “Those were things that were not very much happening back then.”

*Name has been changed to protect the person’s identity.


  • Man shares how not getting a wedding invite made him end a 10-year friendship, and it struck a chord
    A man shared how not getting an wedding invite made him end an 10-year friendship. Photo credit: @yonosoyasi5/TikTok
    ,

    Man shares how not getting a wedding invite made him end a 10-year friendship, and it struck a chord

    “I went through so much with this person that I thought I had made the cut.”

    As many are in the habit of doing, a man recently took to TikTok to “vent.” His “story time” was about his choice to end a 10-year friendship after not getting invited to said friend’s wedding. It soon became undeniably clear that he wasn’t alone in having an experience like this. 

    In the now-viral clip, the creator, @yonosoyasi5, explained that he understood that weddings are special, expensive moments, and therefore “not everyone can go.” 

    However, he admitted that “I went through so much with this person that I thought I had made the cut.”

    This blow ultimately caused @yonosoyasi5 to accept that the friendship as he knew it had come to a close. There was no animosity, but there wasn’t any effort, either. 

     “I wish him the best. I never wish him ill. But to say that I wanna be a part of his life now, it would be very fake. I just don’t care anymore,” he said. 

    Even when confronted by a member of that shared friend group, @yonosoyasi5 was upfront about his stance, saying, “What am I gonna hang out with him for? What’s the objective of me putting energy into this friendship?”

    TikTok reacts

    The video soon got an onslaught of comments from people who had similarly heartbreaking experiences—and developed similar mindsets. 

    “One of my BEST guy friends for 8+ years did not invite me to his wedding. I introduced him to his wife. They went out because of me. I have never been more hurt in my life. I cut off the relationship …and they always try to pull me back closer…I can never pull the knife out of my back.”

    “It’s not actually the wedding invite, it’s finding out the person doesn’t see you as a close friend.”

    “Once you exclude me from important moments, I will exclude you from my entire life.”

    “I think at our age we want to get back what we put into friendships/relationships. You love with your whole heart, so to not have it reciprocated is hurtful. I feel ya.”

    “Crazy…this happened to me…20 years of growing up down the drain.” 

    Lastly, one person even said, “friendship breakups are WORSE than romantic breakups.” 

    woman, alone, grief, breakup, friendship
    Woman sitting alone on a bench overlooking the water.Photo credit: Canva Photos

    Many experts seem to agree with this notion. Or, at the very least, that friendship loss triggers what’s known as “ambiguous grief,” which is the feeling of anguish that comes from losing someone physically while they are psychologically present (e.g., missing person, mental illness, divorce). Our stress responses are triggered, our feel-good chemicals get depleted, our sleep gets disrupted—which is all a science-based way of saying it hurts. Really bad.

    This level of ambiguous grief really depends on what the friendship personally meant to a person. In @yonosoyasi5’s case, it meant a great deal. Thankfully, there are ways to navigate these difficult transitions. 

    Coping strategies for friendship loss
    1. Allow yourself to grieve

    Even once you’ve reached acceptance and found other meaningful relationships, waves of yearning for what’s past may still creep up. Allow space for those feelings. They will pass. 

    2. Use it as a learning opportunity

    Without assigning blame, you can get curious about what might have caused the relationship to end. This way, you can set clear friendship intentions moving forward. 

    3. Engage in self-care

    Journal, meditate, reclaim old passions, exercise, and get outdoors. These things tend to help with grief of all kinds. 

    4. Appreciate the support systems you still have

    Taking stock of the good friends that remain in your life can help offset any feelings of loneliness and reinforce a sense of belonging, experts say. 

    Bottom line: cutting someone out of our lives hurts, but that pain might truly be the lesser evil in the long run. May we all have the foresight to know the difference and seek out those who do give us such grace. 

  • Reese Witherspoon’s blunt advice for young fan’s career change: ‘Don’t chase your dreams’
    A young woman looking stressed and Reese Witherspoon.Photo credit: Jenn Deering Davis/Wikimedia Commons and Canva
    ,

    Reese Witherspoon’s blunt advice for young fan’s career change: ‘Don’t chase your dreams’

    “Everybody has dreams. Doesn’t mean you’re going to be that thing.”

    There is no expiration date for finding success in life, but knowing what you want to do at a young age can give you a significant advantage in a competitive world. The problem is that many folks aren’t sure which path to pursue. Do you follow your dreams or take the safer route to success?

    Actress Reese Witherspoon, who’s also had massive success as a producer and entrepreneur, says the answer is easy: follow your talents.

    A young woman unhappy in her career asked Witherspoon for advice on starting a new one, and the Legally Blonde star shared her thoughts on Instagram.

    Witherspoon’s career advice

    “Okay, well, what are your talents?” Witherspoon asked the woman. “And she had a hard time telling me what her specific talents were. And I thought to myself, this is very, very important. You don’t chase your dreams, you chase your talent.”

    “Everybody has dreams. Doesn’t mean you’re going to be that thing. You are supposed to do what you’re talented at,” Witherspoon said. “It’s your job in life to figure out what your specific, unique talents are and go chase them. That’s what you’re going to do. Chase your talents. Not your dreams.”

    Witherspoon’s advice is practical but also leaves the door open for some magic. If you are an incredible painter and an average singer, it’s best to focus on improving your painting skills. Focusing on your talents can also help you fulfill your dreams, but you have to hone your talent first.

    “It’s magic when your talents align with your dreams or when you recognize your talents can support your dreams,” one person wrote in the comments on Witherspoon’s video.

    reese witherspoon, actress, red carpet, legally blonde, black dress
    Reese Witherspoon in 2011. Photo credit: Eva Rinaldi/Wikimedia Commons.

    Career coaches chime in on Witherspoon’s advice

    Upworthy reached out to professional career coaches to see what they had to say about Witherspoon’s advice.

    “From a research standpoint, Witherspoon is right to push back on the blanket (and all too popular) advice to follow your dreams,” said Dr. Heather Maietta, the owner of Career In Progress, a global private practice that develops career professionals. “Strengths (or talent) alignment is strongly associated with engagement and performance.”

    happy employee, career, briefcase, success, leaping, shadow man
    A man leaping with a briefcase. Photo credit: Canva

    “However, decades of career development research suggest that sustainable career decisions sit at the intersection of three factors: demonstrated strengths (talents), genuine interest and motivation, and market demand and role economics,” she added.

    Karol Ward, a licensed psychotherapist who coaches corporate clients in professional growth, said that once someone has identified the talents they wish to cultivate, they should reach out to successful people in their network to create a roadmap for success. She shared some questions people should ask their connections:

    • Did they have clear intentions or a vision about what they wanted?

    • Did they create a specific plan, and if so, what did that look like?

    • Did they hire support people such as coaches, therapists, or financial planners?

    • Did they take classes, join organizations, or find mentors?

    • What resources do they recommend?

    • How did they choose who or what to spend their time on to reach their goals?

    Witherspoon has achieved her dreams by succeeding as an A-list actress, an incredibly difficult career to break into that takes skill, perseverance, and a lot of luck. So, one would think she’d tell everyone to follow their dreams, too. However, she believes the best way to find success is for people to be the best versions of themselves, and that’s an opportunity available to everyone.

  • Figure skater Amber Glenn goes viral for act of kindness during rival’s moment of devastation
    Amber Glenn and Kaori Sakamoto.Photo credit: SpiritedMichelle, Phantom Kabocha

    Japan’s Kaori Sakamoto was all but set to take home the gold in the women’s singles free skate at the Olympics, having entered the final leg of the competition in second place. Considering this would be the three-time world champion’s final skate before retiring, it would have been the ideal way to go out.

    But things didn’t go to plan. Sakamoto apparently made a fatal mistake during a triple combo, placing her just under two points behind American skater (with the really cool hair) Alysa Liu, who ultimately won the gold.

    Understandably, there was anguish. 

    Sitting in the arena, Sakamoto’s let her tears fall. The Olympic broadcast camera attempted to capture the moment, but was disrupted by fellow skater Amber Glenn of the U.S. Glen had also experienced the sting of not winning gold and knew her rival needed privacy in that vulnerable moment.

    So, she put herself between Sakamoto and the camera. She waved her hands to relay that filming should stop, then turned to comfort her fellow athlete.

    “I only felt regret,” Sakamoto said, according to Olympics.com. “I’ve come this far and I couldn’t get it done. The frustration is unbearable. I felt like the bronze medal last time was a miracle, and I’m wearing a better medal around my neck yet I’m frustrated — which probably says a lot about all the work I put in the last four years. And for that, I just want to give myself a pat on the back.”

    Her stance exemplifies a phenomenon that is rather common among Olympic athletes. According to NPR, bronze medalists tend to be happier than those who win silver presumably because they are “viewing their wins through different standards of comparison.” Winning bronze is a pleasant surprise as you’re comparing it to not placing at all. The opposite is true of winning silver—you’re comparing it “upward” toward what could have been.

    Of course, the fact that it would be Sakamoto’s last Olympic skate added to her grief. As she put it, “I guess this is how my story ends. It hurts, I have to admit.”

    And who better to know what that grief might feel like than another athlete? That’s what makes this moment, however tragic, really quite beautiful. In an instant, there was no team division, just two kindred spirits who understood each other’s passion. The term “holding space” has become a bit of a joke these days, but it remains one of the kindest acts we can do for one another.

    The Olympics might be the biggest competition in the world, but moments like these remind us it’s not all about winning. 

  • Drumming mom brings down the house at daughter’s wedding with family take on Weezer classic
    A drumming mom brought down the house at her daughter's wedding.Photo credit: Instagram screenshots via juinsommer

    There are lots of cool moms out there. You may even have one yourself. But has anyone ever been cooler than this lady? In February, Juin Sommer went viral with an Instagram video showing his mom learning the drum part to Weezer’s 1994 alt-rock classic “Say It Ain’t So,” then playing it at her daughter’s wedding.

    The clip is wonderful on many levels, but it deserves a little context. Starting in November 2025, Sommer posted a series of videos showing his mom, Elly, practicing on an electronic drum kit. He captioned the first one, “My mom learning the drums for her midlife crisis.”

    Drummer mom’s viral first gig

    Motivation aside, the final product was more than worth it. Sommer captioned the big reveal post “How it started” and “How it went,” contrasting his mom’s practice session with the actual wedding performance. The latter is a family-band affair: Sommer sings and plays the guitar solo, the bride Hanna is on rhythm guitar, longtime friend RJ is on bass, and mom lays down thunder behind the kit. She nails every moment, from the syncopated kick and splashy ride cymbals to the pre-chorus snare rolls. All in all, an excellent first gig.

    After the clip went viral, it made its way to Weezer themselves.

    “Nothing says happily ever after quite like some =w= at your wedding,” the band wrote on Instagram. “Congrats to mom on nailing the drums and congrats to the happy couple!”

    Both Sommer and Hanna responded with amazement. “Wow crazy that one my favorite bands was able to see this,” the former enthused. “AHHHHHH OMG THIS IS SO AMAZING!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS SOOO MUCH THANK YOU FOR THE LOVE!!!!!!” added the latter. 

    “Epic on so many levels”

    Of course, lots of other admirers shared their kind words. Here are some of the top comments:

    “who needs a DJ when you have mom??”

    “Coolest mum ever”

    “WE LOVE YOU WEEZER MOM”

    “This is wedding goals right here =w=”

    “This is the first wedding video I’ve seen that actually makes me want to get married someday, and then become the Korean mom playing at her kid’s wedding with sunglasses on like an absolute legend 😭😭😭 also amazing work on the noodly guitar solo!

    “I’ve filmed like 170 weddings as a videographer and this would have made me lose my mind. So good 👏👏”

    “This is probably one of the best things I’ve seen”

    “This is so outrageously cool omg

    “Imagine having a mom and sister that cool.

    “Why is her timing so good? Also brother crushed those vocals”

    “Help why did this make me emotional 😭 her rocking out in the hanbok omg 👏

    “Epic on so many levels”

    “Feel like your sister rocking out in her wedding dress needs to be highlighted as well”

    It all started with a joke

    Sommer tells Upworthy that the road to virality began with a joking Snapchat about his mom’s “midlife crisis” moment. “I found that snap more recently and posted it, and it got a lot of attention, which I was surprised to see,” he says with a laugh.

    Elly had already been learning drums, but she cranked up her practice time after brainstorming the friends-and-family wedding performance. “She won’t admit it, but she was so nervous,” Sommer adds, “especially since it was her first time playing in front of a crowd.”

    This was a special moment for a lot of reasons, and the song choice was meaningful, too. Sommer, Hanna, and RJ used to play together in a high school band, often covering “Say It Ain’t So.”

    “I think I covered that song at least 50 times over the years with different bands,” Sommer notes. “So we all already knew it, except my mom.”

    Given his longtime love of emo, pop-punk, and alt-rock, seeing Weezer’s reaction was definitely a trip.

    “We were all in awe,” he says. “I didn’t even notice until my other younger sister, Zoë, sent it to me on Instagram. We all were so excited that one of our favorite bands was able to actually see us play.”

    In summary, the bar has officially been raised for cool moms, wedding music, viral drummers, and family bands.

  • Ethan Hawke shares why he didn’t get along with Robin Williams filming ‘Dead Poets Society’
    Ethan Hawke and Robin Williams acted together in "Dead Poets Society."Photo credit: Nicolas Genin (left), John Mathew Smith (right)

    Dead Poets Society was one of the most popular coming-of-age films of the late ’80s, showcasing Robin Williams’ acting range and launching several young actors into their Hollywood careers. But according to Ethan Hawke, who played the timid Todd Anderson (the student who stands on his desk first) in the film, the famous comedian didn’t make his own job easy.

    Hawke shared on The Graham Norton Show what working with Williams was like after Norton said he understood their on-set relationship to be “a bit fractious.”

    “Well, he was incredibly funny, right?” said Hawke. “And he was very relaxed and very inventive…and he would just improv constantly, all day long, and the more the crew laughed, the more he would go.”

    Despite Williams’ hilarious antics, the film wasn’t a comedy. Hawke struggled with the constant improv in light of his own acting work.

    “I really wanted to be a serious actor,” he said. “You know, I had read Stanislavski, and I had what was supposed to be in my pockets, and I really, really wanted to be in character, and I really didn’t want to laugh. And the more I didn’t laugh, the more insane he got. And he’d make fun, ‘Oh, this one doesn’t want to laugh,’ and the more smoke would come out of my ears. He didn’t understand I was trying to do a good job…so I thought he hated me, because he just constantly would lay into me.”

    After filming, Hawke went back to school thinking Williams “hated” him. Then one day, he got a phone call.

    “It was from a big Hollywood agent. This guy says, ‘I’m Robin Williams’ agent, and he says that you’re gonna be somebody, and that I should sign you.’ And I was like, really? And so he got me my first agent, who’s still my agent now.”

    Many stories of Williams’ behind-the-scenes acts of kindness have come to light after his passing, so the fact he recommended Hawke unasked isn’t too surprising. Knowing the context from Hawke’s perspective, however, makes it all the more delightful.

    Hawke spoke to Vanity Fair about his experience observing Williams and director Peter Weir interact on the Dead Poets Society set:

    “I’m watching [Weir] direct Robin Williams, not an easy thing to do, ’cause Robin was a comic genius,” Hawke said. “But dramatic acting was still new to Robin at that time. And watching that relationship like, in the room—I was four feet away while they’re talking about performance—and that was something you don’t unsee.”

    Williams taught Hawke that a script isn’t always set in stone.

    “Robin Williams didn’t do the script, and I didn’t know you could do that,” Hawke recalled. “If he had an idea, he just did it. He didn’t ask permission. And that was a new door that was opened to my brain, that you could play like that. And Peter liked it, as long as we still achieved the same goals that the script had.”

    “They had a very different way of working, but they didn’t judge one another or resist one another,” Hawke continued. “They worked with each other. That’s exciting. That’s when you get at the stuff of what great collaboration can do. You don’t have to be the same, but you don’t have to hate somebody for being different than you are. And then the collective imagination can become very, very powerful, because the movie becomes bigger than one person’s point of view. It’s containing multiple perspectives.”

    The lessons Hawke learned from watching and working with Robin Williams have followed him through more than three decades in film. It’s delightful to see how Williams’ influence lives on in many small ways the world may not be aware of. His is an incredible legacy.

  • Woman on a mission to bring back lost Black American recipes has people gasping at vinegar pie
    Woman on a mission to bring back lost recipes has people gasping at vinegar pie.Photo credit: Canva
    ,

    Woman on a mission to bring back lost Black American recipes has people gasping at vinegar pie

    Most of the recipes were created out of poverty to provide families with a sweet treat.

    People get very creative when it comes to cooking with limited ingredients and no budget. This combination is something people who lived through the Great Depression were very familiar with. It’s also something Black Americans experienced frequently in the 1800s, but time has stolen many of the ingenious recipes. Until now.

    One woman is on a mission to dig up these lost recipes for Black History Month. All February, Sonja Norwood, who runs the social media page for Wick’d Confections and owns Sonja Norwood Custom Cookies, has been baking up long-lost Black American recipes. Though the ingredients have folks scratching their heads, her videos clear things up by sharing each dish’s history.

    @wickdconfections

    Peanuts became a major Southern crop after the Civil War, and at Tuskegee Institute, George Washington Carver helped popularize peanuts as an affordable, soil-restoring crop with hundreds of uses. In Black Southern kitchens, that peanut power turned into breads, cookies, cakes, candy… and survival baking. During the Great Depression and WWII rationing, butter, eggs, and milk were often scarce. Peanut butter became the substitute for fat and protein, and peanut butter bread became a school-lunch staple and family recipe passed down through generations. Serve warm with a nostalgic molasses glaze and you’ll understand why this deserves a comeback 🤎 🥜 Peanut Butter Bread (One-bowl, no eggs, no butter) Ingredients 1 ¾ cups all-purpose flour (220 g) ½ cup granulated sugar (100 g) ¼ cup brown sugar (50 g) 1 tbsp baking powder ½ tsp salt 1 cup milk (240 ml) ¾ cup creamy peanut butter (190 g) 1 tsp vanilla extract Optional topping: 2 tbsp sugar Instructions 1️⃣ Preheat oven to 350°F / 175°C. Grease a 9×5 loaf pan. 2️⃣ Whisk flour, sugars, baking powder, salt. 3️⃣ Add milk, peanut butter, vanilla. Mix until just combined. 4️⃣ Spread into pan, sprinkle sugar if using. 5️⃣ Bake 50–60 min until toothpick comes out clean. 6️⃣ Cool 15 min, remove, slice. ✨ Molasses Glaze 2 tbsp butter (28 g) 3 tbsp molasses (45 ml) 2 tbsp milk (30 ml) 1 cup powdered sugar (120 g) ¼ tsp vanilla + pinch salt Optional: pinch cinnamon or ginger Melt butter, whisk in molasses + milk until warm. Remove from heat and whisk in powdered sugar until smooth. Stir in vanilla and salt. #BlackHistory BlackHistoryn#TikTokLearningCampaignFoodHistorye#VintageRecipes

    ♬ original sound – Wick’d Confections

    One particular recipe caused the former Food Network contestant to give a disclaimer before tasting it, saying, “Before I try this, we understand that there’s a reason this pie exists, right? It’s genius. Very creative. That does not mean I have to like it.”

    A unique recipe

    Norwood tried her hand at vinegar pie, and just like viewers of the video, the baker was unsure how the dessert would turn out:

    “Vinegar pie, also known as desperation pie, is classified as a pantry or make-do pie. As you can tell, this pie was born out of necessity, when fruit or citrus lemons were hard to come by. Home cooks used what they had on hand. Simple pantry staples to make something sweet, like sugar, eggs, butter, flour, and salt. A lot of people associate vinegar pie with the Great Depression, when fresh fruit was super expensive and scarce, but recipes go back much further. As early as 1855.”

    @wickdconfections

    Navy Bean Pie 🥧✨ A true heritage dessert with deep roots in Black American food culture. This traditional navy bean pie has a smooth, firm custard texture — rich, lightly spiced, and beautifully sliceable without hours of chilling. Simple ingredients, timeless flavor, and a recipe shaped by community and history. 🥧 Classic Navy Bean Pie (9-inch) Texture: traditional • smooth • firm custard • faster set Crust
• 1 (9-inch) pie crust (homemade or store-bought) Filling
• 1½ cups cooked navy beans (300 g) OR 1 (15-oz) can, drained & rinsed
• ¾ cup unsalted butter, melted (170 g)
• 1 cup evaporated milk (240 ml)
• 4 large eggs
• 1 cup granulated sugar (200 g)
• 2 tbsp all-purpose flour (15 g)
• 1 tbsp cornstarch (8 g)
• 1 tbsp vanilla extract
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• ½ tsp nutmeg
• ½ tsp salt ⭐ If using canned beans (flavor boost)
• Rinse well
• Simmer in fresh water 5–10 minutes
• Drain completely Instructions
1️⃣ Preheat oven to 350°F / 175°C
2️⃣ Blend beans until completely smooth and creamy
3️⃣ Whisk butter, sugar, eggs, milk, vanilla, spices, flour, and cornstarch
4️⃣ Stir in blended beans until smooth
5️⃣ Pour into crust and smooth top
6️⃣ Bake 45–55 minutes (edges set, center barely jiggles)
7️⃣ Cool 1 hour at room temp, chill 1 hour for clean slices Slice, serve, and enjoy ✨ BlackHiBlackHistorynLearnOnTikTokeBeanPiesFoodHistoryalCooking

    ♬ original sound – Wick’d Confections

    For the recipe, the custom cookie maker used vanilla, honey, and apple cider vinegar in the runny mixture. At first glance, it’s hard to see how this could turn into a pie meant to be cut and eaten with a fork, as it has the consistency of French toast batter. But once it’s poured into a pie pan and popped into the oven, it begins to look like a pie.

    “Black cooks in the South and the Midwest adapted pantry-based dishes like this into their family food culture,” Norwood shares while mixing ingredients. “So you were going to see this pie at Sunday dinner and on special occasions, and it doesn’t taste the way you think a vinegar pie would taste. The acidity cuts through the sweetness and mimics lemon pie without the fruit.”

    @wickdconfections

    Lost Black American Recipes: Vinegar Pie 🥧 To kick off Black History Month, I’m starting a series honoring lost and forgotten Black American recipes—beginning with vinegar pie. Also known as desperation pie or pantry pie, this dessert was born from necessity. When fruit and citrus were scarce, home cooks used simple pantry staples to create something sweet, comforting, and joyful. Made with sugar, eggs, butter, and a splash of apple cider vinegar, vinegar pie has a flaky crust and a rich custard filling. The vinegar doesn’t make it sour—it adds brightness, mimicking the tang of fruit and balancing the sweetness. It’s a reminder of how Black foodways transform struggle into creativity and care. 🖤 Vinegar Pie Recipe (9-inch pie): 4 eggs ½ cup sugar ½ cup brown sugar ½ tsp vanilla 6 tbsp butter, melted 2 tbsp apple cider vinegar 2 tbsp honey 2 tbsp flour ¾ tsp salt Unbaked 9-inch pie crust Blind bake crust at 350°F (175°C). Whisk remaining ingredients until smooth, pour into crust, and bake 35–45 minutes. The center should still wobble slightly when gently shaken. Cool completely and dust with powdered sugar. Follow along as we honor Black history through food—one lost recipe at a time. #BlackHistoryMonth #BlackAmericanFood #LostRecipes #BlackFoodHistory #FoodReels

    ♬ original sound – Wick’d Confections

    Viewers were shocked at how good the pie looked when it was done. Some even plan to give the Black American recipe a try. One person writes, “I[t] looks good and it was way less vinegar than my mind thought lol.”

    Another says, “This looks so good! My grandma is 93 born & raised in Georgia and she swears by this pie & buttermilk pie. She watched this & just kept saying ‘yup, yup’ so I know it’s good.”

    This person appreciates the history: “I appreciated acknowledging that it came out of necessity and that you don’t have to like it. Sometimes people have to make due with what they have and it’s not always what you necessarily want.”

    @wickdconfections

    Lost Black American Recipes: Blackberries & Dumplings 🍇🥟 Blackberries and dumplings is a sweet summertime dish rooted in Black American food culture. When sugar and money were scarce, the land provided. Black families relied on foraging, gathering blackberries that grew freely along fence lines, woods, and roadsides across the South. What began as necessity became tradition — turning simple ingredients into a communal, nourishing meal. Passed down orally and cooked intuitively, this dish was rarely written into cookbooks. Flour stretched what little was available, dumplings absorbed the berry juices, and one pot could feed many for very little. Though we still see cobblers today, blackberries and dumplings remain a largely forgotten seasonal treat — one deeply connected to land, resilience, and care. Blackberries & Dumplings Recipe Blackberry Syrup: 4 cups blackberries 1 cup sugar 2 cups water 1 tbsp lemon juice Lemon zest Dumplings: 2 cups flour ¼ cup sugar 1½ tsp baking powder ½ tsp salt ¼ tsp nutmeg ¾ cup milk 1 egg 1 tsp vanilla Simmer blackberries with sugar, water, lemon juice, and zest until juicy. Mix dumpling dough until it feels right. Drop spoonfuls into simmering berries, don’t stir, cover and cook 15 minutes. Uncover and simmer 5 more minutes. Serve warm with plenty of syrup. Follow along as I honor Black history through lost recipes — one pot at a time. #BlackHistory #TikTokLearningCampaign #BlackAmericanFood #LostRecipes #FoodHistory

    ♬ original sound – Wick’d Confections

    “This is brilliantly done,” someone else writes. “Showing the ingenuity and innovation of Black folks is beautiful! This video is information and funny! I’m glad you actually liked the pie. Def going to ask my 90 year old granny about this recipe. Thanks for posting this.”

    Vinegar Pie Recipe (9-inch pie):

    4 eggs
    ½ cup sugar
    ½ cup brown sugar
    ½ tsp vanilla
    6 tbsp butter, melted
    2 tbsp apple cider vinegar
    2 tbsp honey
    2 tbsp flour
    ¾ tsp salt
    Unbaked 9-inch pie crust

    Blind bake crust at 350°F (175°C). Whisk remaining ingredients until smooth, pour into crust, and bake 35–45 minutes. The center should still wobble slightly when gently shaken. Cool completely and dust with powdered sugar.

  • Costco customers are overjoyed by news that the store’s ‘archaic’ cake ordering system is finally modernizing
    Costco announces new app for custom cake orders.Photo credit: Canva/Wikipedia

    Loyal Costco fans are lauding their favorite big-box store for a long-awaited change to its custom cake ordering system. In a company memo, Costco announced that it will be launching an app for customers to order customized cakes at the touch of their fingers without having to enter a Costco store.

    “We’ve got ordering cakes and deli trays online coming,” said Costco CEO Ron Vachris. “Many of the things that we’ve heard from our members that could be a little bit clunky are now moving to a digital state, and we’re seeing great adoption right out of the chute.”

    It’s a massive change from the previous custom cake process. Costco lovers have long complained about the old-school ordering system that required customers to physically go to the store’s bakery, where they would fill out a slip of paper with their order requests and simply drop it in the order box.

    @eatsbyrachel

    Anyone else feel like the @Costco Wholesale custom cake ordering system is a bit antiquated? 🤔 Regardless, their analog process somehow always works 💯 #costco #costcobakery #cake #customcake #costcodoesitagain #costcocake #costcofinds #costcodeals #costcofind #costcofinds #eatsbyrachel

    ♬ Poke Mart (From “Pokemon Diamond and Pearl”) – Jazz Version – Chippy Bits

    Costco’s “1800s” custom cake ordering

    Back in 2023, writer Lucy Huber humorously poked fun at Costco’s seemingly outdated custom cake ordering system that resonated with fellow Costco shoppers. And her words went viral:

    “Ordered a cake from Costco and their system is from the 1800s, you write what you want on a piece of paper & put it in a box then nobody follows up and you just show up and hope they made it? I tried to call to confirm & they were like ‘if you put it in the box, it will be there’,” she wrote.

    Lucy Huber’s infamous Costco cake tweet. Credit: Reddit/breathfromanother

    It was a system that also caused Costco members on Reddit a lot of anxiety.

    “We did our wedding cakes from Costco, talk about a nerve-racking experience hoping everything worked out,” one wrote.

    Another shared, “Drop a paper in a hole and cross your fingers 🤣🤣.”

    Costco customers have mixed feelings

    Many Costco customers and Redditors expressed their positive reactions to the updated ordering system news:

    “As someone who lives 1.5 hours away from three different Costcos I LOVE this. I’m rarely in the market for a custom cake, but when I am I’m not driving an hour and a half to fill out the request form in store.”

    “This is GREAT! But will I also be able to order chocolate cake with white icing and vice-versa? Because currently I can’t do that at my Costco.”

    “While the box system worked, it was archaic. With anything, the new system will take time to implement.”

    “Jumping from the 19th century to the 21st century. Bravo Costco!”

    Others weren’t as happy:

    “Kind of sad in a way. There are not too many interactions like this in the digital age.”

    “But the Paper & Pencil worked.”

    “Coming in 2027: I didn’t get my cake at Costco because Amazon-East-1 is down :(.”

    “I have ordered many cakes with this low tech. Never an issue.”

    Costco bakery workers react

    Workers in Costco bakeries also chimed in, many with negative opinions:

    “As someone who works in the bakery this is going to be a disaster. Half the people don’t even know the name on the order or what the cake says when they come to pick up. Like 2 times a week we get someone trying to pick up at the wrong Costco.”

    “As a bakery employee, this is going to be a nightmare. The whole point of keeping the order form in warehouse only was to not overwhelm our staff AND (this one being the real reason I was given), is it makes people come in and ‘grab a few items while their there, and then again when they come pick up the cake.’ I am not looking forward to this. People are going to order at the wrong Costco, not do it right and then get mad at us. I’m terrified of this change 🫣.”

    “As someone who has worked in the bakery at Costco, the prevailing thought has been ‘the system we have works fairly well, so they’re probably not gonna change it.’ It’s the same reason that the major sales department still uses paper slips for computers. Well, except for the apple tables. Those have a little iPad kiosk that will print out your slip for you, but literally none of the members ever use it and instead ask us to do it for them.”

  • Seniors ranting about their friend Barbara cheating at Mahjong is the Internet’s best new reality show
    A woman named Debbie helps explain Mahjong-gate.Photo credit: Allison Novak

    If you’ve ever watched seniors play Mahjong, you know they’re not messing around. Some might find it complicated. A player’s guide explains, “Mahjong is a 4-person game of skill and chance that originated in China.” It involves numbered tiles, winds, dragons, flowers, and jokers. It’s serious business that, while fun and an excellent way to stretch the mind, can lead to actual fights.

    No fight has been more dramatic than what happened between Allison Novak (@allisonnovak) and her family. While visiting her parents in Florida (an escape from the cold Minnesota winter where they all usually reside), Novak, alongside her brother, sister, husband, and son, piled into the car en route to the airport. From there, we get the full rundown on “Mahjong-gate.”

    According to Allison’s mother, Cynthia, a woman named Barbara allegedly cheats at this game—and the other players aren’t having it. She shared, “We’re done with her. We’re not playing with a cheater anymore.”

    Cynthia goes on to explain an “incident” regarding tapping tiles. “They tapped it. They put it down. And I said, ‘Oh damn. I wanted that tile.’ And Sharon goes, ‘Just take it.’ And Barbara said, ‘No, I tapped it already.’”

    From there, it takes a dramatic turn: “Last night, Barbara did some stuff that was outright…I mean really bad.” She explains another tapping incident before explaining the etiquette of Mahjong: “So when you Mahjong, meaning you won, you have to show all your tiles to prove it. Kinda like bingo. But she takes her tiles and flips them over so no one really knows what she really had.”

    These videos have become a massive hit online. On TikTok alone, the first in the series was so popular it has nearly 5,000 comments.

    “Barbara is mentioned thousands of times in the Mahjong Files,” jokes one TikToker, a comment itself garnering over 7,000 likes.

    “The secret lives of Mahjong Wives,” another comments, putting a spin on the popular reality show The Secret Lives of Mormon Lives.

    The Mahjong saga was so popular it has now become a series, with each video clip more exciting and dramatic than the last. (Novak has put menacing music underneath the dialogue, adding to the already terrifying tension.)

    In Part Two of the series, Cynthia’s friend Debbie (while chatting with their other friends Bud, Diane, and Ralph) says, “Oh, she looks like this innocent little lady. She goes to church. Like I told them, I don’t go to Mahjong to see how well I can cheat. You want to play the game.”

    She complains that Barbara never bothers to change her game up, which the others find frustrating. From there, the conversation goes left, escalating into a possible murder accusation. (They’re joking, of course, but you’ll have to watch the video to see for yourself.)

    Commenters from Instagram and Threads are also getting in on the fun by treating the saga like the soap opera/reality show it is. Many point out the pronunciation of Mahjong as “Mar-Jawn,” which adds an extra element of delight.

    “The Barbara Chronicles are giving me life,” reads one of the comments. Another points out how quickly it all escalated, saying, “The jump from cheating to murdering your own husband…LOVE IT.”

    In Part Five, Allison summarizes the whole affair, which leads to Barbara’s banishment from the game. At one point, Barbara runs away, and they chase after her with a camera. We then see a black screen with a chyron reading, “As of this recording, Barbara has declined all interview requests. Sources close to Barbara declined to comment. Some questions remain unanswered.”

    On Threads, one person noted that not everything is always as it seems. “This is one of those documentaries where Barb walks in for her talking head interview in the last ten minutes and blows it all up.”

    Novak told Upworthy how it all began:

    “My brother, sister, and I (and my husband and son) visit them every year. My mom and dad picked us up from the airport and immediately started telling me about the drama regarding Barbara. I couldn’t help but laugh, and I was like, ‘I need to record this!’”

Pop Culture

Reese Witherspoon’s blunt advice for young fan’s career change: ‘Don’t chase your dreams’

Culture

Figure skater Amber Glenn goes viral for act of kindness during rival’s moment of devastation

Family

4-year-old tearfully tells her mom why she wants to celebrate Ramadan, and it’s too precious

Culture

Drumming mom brings down the house at daughter’s wedding with family take on Weezer classic