The group turning religious leaders into LGBTQ rights crusaders in Kenya

This piece was first published on Reasons to Be Cheerful and is part of the SoJo Exchange from the Solutions Journalism Network, a nonprofit organization dedicated to rigorous reporting about responses to social problems. Penda* did not feel worthy of a seat at the table with the 15 religious leaders she found herself nervously sitting…

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Photo credit: Reasons to Be CheerfulArray

This piece was first published on Reasons to Be Cheerful and is part of the SoJo Exchange from the Solutions Journalism Network, a nonprofit organization dedicated to rigorous reporting about responses to social problems.

Penda* did not feel worthy of a seat at the table with the 15 religious leaders she found herself nervously sitting across from, seven of them Christian, eight of them Muslim.

“Before I attended that forum, I knew that I was a sinner,” she recalls. “I didn’t think it was possible for me to go near a church. I didn’t even think that I could have a conversation with a religious leader.”

Yet in 2014, Penda, a masculine-presenting lesbian, found herself in conversation with these faith leaders, all of whom believed — and in many cases preached — that homosexuality is evil. But this was no ordinary conversation. At Penda’s side were three other people: a Kenyan gay man, a sex worker and someone living with HIV. None of the faith leaders knew these details. That information was held back — until just the right moment presented itself.

The forum was part of a strategic faith engagement session organized by Persons Marginalized and Aggrieved in Kenya (PEMA Kenya), a sexual and gender minority group in the coastal city of Mombasa. In Kenya, where the LGBTQ community is a frequent target of conservative religious leaders, who preach discrimination and sometimes even violence against them, PEMA Kenya takes an unusual approach: it works to “convert” faith leaders to the gay rights cause by introducing them to LGBTQ people, face to face, to build empathy, compassion and understanding.


The carefully orchestrated encounters require the utmost care — for all involved. “We don’t aim to ‘sensitize’ religious leaders,” says Lydia Atemba, a member of the faith engagement team. “We also prepare and equip our community to participate in dialogue with them. We try to bridge the gap on both sides.”

The most unlikely allies

The five-day event attended by Penda and the 15 religious leaders was ostensibly to discuss barriers to health care faced by marginalized people who have HIV. For the first three days of the forum, no explicit mention of homosexuality was uttered.

“We [then] brought other queer members into the sessions and they spoke with the religious leaders,” says Pastor McOveh, a queer pastor who helps to facilitate the program. (He requested his first name not be used.)

Penda was one of them. Now 44, she calmly shared her experience as a lesbian living in Mombasa. She had moved there in 2010, leaving behind the ruins of Kitale, a cosmopolitan town in Kenya that was struggling to recover from the 2007 election crisis. She described to them how she was verbally abused, and how she had been forced to sever ties with her spirituality because of faith leaders preaching anti-gay violence and discrimination.

“I have had troubles reconciling my sexuality and faith,” she told the group.

She says sharing her personal story was surprisingly effective. The faith leaders’ beliefs weren’t instantly transformed, but, she says, “I think I saw a lot of compassion in some of them.”

She was right. One of the conservative religious leaders in attendance that day was Pastor John Kambo. A pastor at the Independent Pentecostal Church of Kenya, Kambo was well known for his public attacks on the LGBTQ community. He once declared that “the gender and sexual minorities, especially in worship places, are cursed sinners and will go to hell.”

This wasn’t Kambo’s first PEMA session. The organization had been holding discussions with him for four years, gradually drawing him onto their side. “It was just follow-up meetings — continuous engagement overtime [to] change the way [he] sees things,” recalls Ishmael Bahati, PEMA Kenya’s executive director and co-founder. During this period, Kambo began reflecting on what the Bible says about love. According to transcripts from PEMA Kenya, he ultimately said that “continuous participation in these trainings opened my mind and I realized that we are all human beings.” The meeting with Penda was his last as an outsider — afterwards, he joined PEMA Kenya as an active, dedicated member, and remained one until his death last month.

In the end, Kambo became an unlikely friend to the queer community. He underwent PEMA’s Training of Trainers, which taught him how to carefully discuss LGBTQ concerns with his fellow faith leaders. But his conversion came at a price. He was excommunicated from the church for three years, and his marriage hit the skids. He continued to be an ally, however, and in 2018 he became the first religious leader to be nominated as a “Human Rights Defender” by the National Coalition of Human Rights Defenders — Kenya.

That same year, Kambo invited Pastor Benhadad Mutua Kithome to a PEMA discussion. “PEMA Kenya produced good notes, and they were helping us very much,” Kithome says of that meeting. “Some pastors were not agreeing with them — they were just agreeing with what the scriptures say. The way Sodom and Gomorrah was. The way, because of homosexuality, people were punished. But because of this training, some pastors, especially me, came to understand.”

Athumani Abdullah Mohammed, an Ustaz (Islamic teacher) whose view of queer people changed gradually after partaking in a PEMA session in 2018, had a similar experience.

“When I got a chance to engage, it was not easy because… I work with conservative organizations,” he says. “The whole gospel I was hearing was against ‘this people,’ as they called them. I thank my brother Ishmael because he was so persistent. He brought me on board. The funny thing is, the first meeting we held was not a good meeting. I was so against everything they were saying, but he saw something in me which I couldn’t see by myself. And he kept on engaging me. Now, I learned to listen and I opened myself to listen. I listen to what I want to hear — and what I don’t want to hear.”

Converting a culture

The coastal city of Mombasa is a conservative place. Religion is at its core, and local faith leaders wield outsized influence, often preaching violence against the queer community.

“Rhetoric vilifying LGBT people, much of it by religious leaders, is particularly pronounced on [Kenya’s] coast, and shapes public perceptions,” according to a Human Rights Watch report.

This was the environment into which PEMA Kenya launched in 2008. Started as a health and social wellbeing community for gay and bisexual men following the tragic death of a gay man in Mombasa — he became sick and was abandoned by his family — the group later expanded to accommodate other gender and sexual minority groups. Then, in 2010, a call to “flush out gays” by two major religious groups — the Council of Imams and Preachers of Kenya (CIPK) and the National Council of Churches of Kenya (NCCK) — led to a spate of attacks on queer people.

The violence became a catalyzing moment for PEMA Kenya. “We thought that it is a good time to have a dialogue with the religious leaders,” recalls Bahati, “to see if we can have a lasting solution for the attacks.”

The organization appears to be making progress toward that goal. Until five years ago, Bahati says, Ramadan, which concluded this month, was a particularly dangerous time for queer people in Kenya’s coastal region. A U.S. government report supports this observation, concluding that “the highest incidences of violence in the Kenyan Coast, which has a largely Muslim population, are reported during Ramadan.”

For this reason, organizations like PEMA used to focus on simply keeping LGBTQ people safe from harm during these weeks. “Most organizations were looking for funds to relocate people, to support people” during this period, says Bahati.

But this year’s Ramadan has been different. Attacks on queer folks are down, Bahati reports. “Things have really changed.” He believes PEMA’s years of meticulous relationship building are beginning to bear fruit. To date, PEMA has trained 619 religious leaders, 246 of which are still active members in the network. These members are crucial to spreading the acceptance of queerness in their congregations and communities in Mombasa and across Kenya. They also facilitate events alongside queer pastors and Ustaz, and review the group’s strategic faith engagement manual, Facing Our Fears.

According to Jide Macaulay, an openly gay British-Nigerian priest, the influence religious leaders hold over public perception makes them invaluable allies. In his experience, building radical queer institutions in a place like Mombasa just isn’t effective. This is something he learned first-hand — in 2006, Macaulay founded House of Rainbow, the first queer church in Nigeria. It was considered an affront to the societal and religious norm, and met with hostility. It lasted only two years.

“My largest focus was on the [queer] community, not necessarily on the rest of the society,” he says. “We didn’t take time to educate the society. House of Rainbow would have benefitted if we had allies within the community. [It] would have benefitted if we started maybe as a support group rather than a full-blown church.”

Now, like PEMA Kenya, House of Rainbow has evolved to make engagement with Christian and Islamic faith leaders the core of its mission, holding forums in Malawi, Zambia, the Democratic Republic of Congo, South Africa, Lesotho, Botswana, Zimbabwe and Ghana.

What the scriptures say

Bahati’s expertise as an Islamic scholar comes in handy. For instance, he notes that the role of language is key to winning converts to an inclusive community.

During PEMA’s strategic meetings, faith leaders are introduced, carefully and tactfully, to humanizing language. “You see, the word homosexual, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer are not bad words,” says Macaulay. “Society has made them scary.” PEMA’s facilitators explain appropriate usage, context and meanings, and the harmful implications of using such language as slurs.

“What we say is that language is not innocent,” says McOveh, the gay pastor. “Most of the time we realize that faith leaders use language unknowingly.”

Of course, simply teaching more sensitive language is only the first step. In the Bible and Quran, certain verses and stories are still used to justify homophobic slurs and attacks.

“You realize that scriptures have different interpretations,” says McOveh, “so we try to find common ground to tell them that, see, there is this which is provided by the religion and this which is given as perception.” Macaulay echoes this point. “Looking at the Bible, there’s a history of bad theology, mistranslation, and that mistranslation has caused many churches not to understand that homosexuality is not a sin. Homosexuality is not like robbery or theft. Homosexuality is like being Black. Homosexuality is like being albino. There are things that you just cannot change…Homosexuality is not a crime and it should never be criminalized.”

While groups like PEMA Kenya and House of Rainbow have battled systemic homophobia in society, their efforts are still “a drop of water in the ocean,” says Macaulay.

Homosexuality remains illegal in Kenya. The Penal Code explicitly criminalizes it, and a conviction can carry a prison sentence of up to 14 years. Petitions filed in Nairobi and Mombasa high courts in 2019 to rule these laws unconstitutional were both dismissed this year. Appeals have been filed, but according to Michael Kioko, a lawyer and LGBTQ advocate, it would take a long time to get a ruling.

“We’ll have to wait for years to see whether the court of appeal will declare those provisions unconstitutional, and they may not,” he says.

32 out of 52 African countries criminalize same-sex relations, with punishment ranging from death to lengthy prison terms. In some ways, these laws lend legitimacy to perpetrators of homophobic violence and discrimination.

The pandemic has presented PEMA Kenya with yet another challenge. The delicate work of working with new religious leaders can be risky, and the discussions can only take place in a secure location, says Mohammed.

“You cannot talk to people about these things in their area,” he says. “You need to be very particular when it comes to safety because it’s a lot of voices which are talking against this and people are willing to kill.” Holding discussions with participants in an undisclosed location is safer, but it requires funding which PEMA has spent on taking care of needy community members during the lockdown.

Still, the efforts of PEMA Kenya’s faith leaders continue to foster a safer city for a lot of queer people in Mombasa — in the streets, in the churches and mosques, and in their own homes. “[Now] someone can walk for a kilometer without being attacked,” says Penda with relief. “Those were things that were not very much happening back then.”

*Name has been changed to protect the person’s identity.


  • 100 people who’ve lived to 100 were asked the secret to a long, happy life. Here are their answers.
    Photo credit: CanvaThree older adults eat ice cream outside a store.
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    100 people who’ve lived to 100 were asked the secret to a long, happy life. Here are their answers.

    The average 100-year-old surveyed only “feels” 68. That’s incredible.

    UnitedHealthcare (UHC) recently interviewed 100 centenarians, or people who have lived to the ripe age of 100.

    Fascinatingly, 100-year-olds feel younger than ever. The report reveals that the average centenarian only “feels” about 68. It’s a number that’s dropping dramatically. In 2015, when UHC conducted a similar survey, the average respondent said they felt 79. That’s incredible.

    What that ultimately means is that these folks can teach us an awful lot about how to live both a long and joyful life, how to feel decades younger, and how to keep living life to the fullest into our 100s and beyond. Here are some of their secrets:

    1. Staying up-to-date on tech keeps you young

    You might think of centenarians clinging to their rotary phones and the vinyl record players they had long before they were “cool.” You’d be wrong.

    UHC found that 100-year-olds are experimenting with ChatGPT and other AI—around 27% of them. And a stunning 40% of them regularly play video games.

    2. A strong body can go the distance

    Centenarians have changed their approach to longevity in the past decade. Compared to 2015, far more respondents today are doing regular strength training and monitoring their diet.

    Overall, they’re more active in almost every way. A higher percentage of 100-year-olds are doing cardio, gardening, and even meditating or practicing intentional stress relief. Meditation jumped from 29% of centenarians to 42% today.

    “Staying active keeps my heart strong, mind sharp, body moving, spirit high, and health steady every day,” one said.

    The only activity that declined was walking and hiking, and only by a small margin. But these busy seniors had to find the time to hit the gym somewhere.

    3. Finding humor in daily life is the best medicine

    It’s one thing when Joe Schmoe says “laughter is the best medicine.” It’s another when some of our oldest citizens are living proof that it’s true.

    It might be reading between the lines, but the cranky and miserly don’t seem as likely to make it to 100. Eighty-five percent of respondents said they laugh often and find that having a sense of humor comes easily to them.

    “A good belly laugh can make you feel better than any pill, I’ll tell you that,” one said.

    4. There’s something to look forward to at every age

    One of the most interesting questions asked of the participants was about their “best decade.”

    The answers from the 100 centenarians, who’ve lived through and seen it all, reveal that there’s so much good to find in every season of life. Life doesn’t go downhill after a certain age; you just have to learn to appreciate what it has to offer.

    Your 20s are for freedom and exploration. Your 30s and 40s are all about family. Your 50s and 60s are the best for community and friendship. Your 70s and beyond are about finding contentment and joy in the simple things.

    Even in the harder decades, the centenarians now have the perspective to know there was always light at the end of the tunnel:

    “I’d tell myself to embrace every messy moment because it all works out in the end. I really needed to hear that in my late teens when everything felt like such a big deal.”

    5. “Feeling old” has nothing to do with age and is sometimes out of your control

    Fascinatingly, the respondents were asked when they first started to “feel old.” Their answers had nothing to do with a specific age.

    It came down to the moments: giving up driving, the death of a spouse, and moving out of a beloved home and into a smaller place where they could age.

    There’s something peaceful about that. Some things may be in your control—keeping your body and mind sharp can delay certain events. Others are completely out of your control. But the overarching theme is that there’s no reason to fear a number.

    6. Family and friends are key to survival

    Being isolated and lonely is devastating for your health and longevity. Seventy-eight percent of the seniors in this report, thriving at the age of 100, credit a big part of their vigor to regularly spending time with friends and family.

    “They are everything to me. I try to spend as much time with my family as I can,” one of the 100-year-olds said. “Life is short; you never know when it’ll be the last day.”

    7. The advice they’d give their younger selves is what we all need to hear

    Centenarians say the secret to happiness is really no secret at all. It’s mind-numbingly simple: Don’t worry so much. Spend time with your loved ones. Move your body. Be true to yourself.

    The difference is that these 100-year-olds have the wisdom and urgency to really mean it. Don’t wait until you’re their age to start living like you know you should.

    “If you don’t ask, you don’t get,” one said, referring to getting a promotion at work, but more generally, anything you truly want. In other words, go for it.

    The overall trends identified in the report are surprising and hopeful.

    In 10 years, our centenarians will likely be even more focused on their physical and mental health, finding even more joy in their lives as they age, and, through it all, feeling younger than ever. We can learn a lot from watching what they’re doing right.

  • 19 viral photos show what happens after drinking 1, 2, and 3 glasses of wine
    Before and after photos of people who drank wine.

    Marcos Alberti’s “3 Glasses” project began with a joke and a few drinks with his friends.

    The photo project originally depicted Alberti’s friends drinking, first immediately after work and then after one, two, and three glasses of wine.

    But after Imgur user minabear circulated the story, “3 Glasses” became more than just a joke. In fact, it went viral, garnering more than 1 million views and nearly 1,800 comments in its first week. So Alberti started taking more pictures and not just of his friends.

    “The first picture was taken right away when our guests (had) just arrived at the studio in order to capture the stress and the fatigue after a full day after working all day long and from also facing rush hour traffic to get here,” Alberti explained on his website. “Only then fun time and my project could begin. At the end of every glass of wine, a snapshot, nothing fancy, a face and a wall, 3 times…by the end of the third glass several smiles emerged and many stories were told.”

    Why was the series so popular? Anyone who has ever had a long day at work and needed to “wine” down will quickly see why.

    Take a look:

    Drinking, wine, viral photos
    Drinking, wine, viral photos
    Drinking, wine, viral photos
    Drinking, wine, viral photos
    Drinking, wine, viral photos
    Drinking, wine, viral photos
    Drinking, wine, viral photos
    Drinking, wine, viral photos
    Drinking, wine, viral photos
    Drinking, wine, viral photos
    Drinking, wine, viral photos
    Drinking, wine, viral photos
    Drinking, wine, viral photos
    Drinking, wine, viral photos
    Drinking, wine, viral photos
    Drinking, wine, viral photos
    Drinking, wine, viral photos
    Drinking, wine, viral photos
    Drinking, wine, viral photos

     This article originally appeared ten years ago. It has been updated.

  • Two vacationing paramedics deliver a baby at 30,000 feet with a shoelace and borrowed blankets
    Photo credit: Canva PhotosA woman on a Delta flight unexpectedly went into labor. Two vacationing paramedics sprang into action.

    The best flights are uneventful. Timely, smooth, and relaxing. Even a little boring. However, that’s not always in the cards.

    A lot of things can happen in the air, including unforeseen medical emergencies. Thankfully, this one has a happy ending thanks to the help from two selfless strangers.

    Woman on Delta flight unexpectedly goes into labor minutes before landing

    Ashley Blair was pregnant and due in about two weeks, but really wanted to be with her mom in Oregon when the baby arrived. So, she hopped a Delta flight through Atlanta and was well on her way when things took an unexpected turn.

    Pregnant mothers are generally discouraged from flying this late into a pregnancy, and some airlines may forbid them entirely. But life happens. Sometimes, travel is unavoidable, and in Blair’s case, she still had a few weeks left before she was supposed to go into labor, making the risk relatively low.

    The baby had other ideas.

    CNN reports that Blair went into labor when her Delta flight was about 30 minutes away from landing at Portland International.

    Two hero paramedics step up to help

    A paramedic is never truly off the clock. Even though Tina Fritz and Kaarin Powell, two friends and emergency workers, were flying home from vacation in the Dominican Republic, they’d already been called to action not long after the plane took off.

    Fritz and Powell were attending to another passenger when flight attendants made an urgent announcement: Was there a doctor onboard?

    They rushed to Blair’s side and, with the help of flight attendants, began shuffling passengers around to make enough room to deliver the baby. Unfortunately, there were no medical tools or sterile equipment available on the plane, and the baby was coming fast, so there was no time to lose.

    delta, planes, airplanes, flying, airports, labor, babies, newborns, baby delivery, new mom, kind strangers, air travel, emergency, heartwarming
    150-some passengers, and the crew, all pitched in to help. Photo Credit: Edgar Zuniga Jr./Flickr

    Passengers work together to help

    Right as Blair was getting ready to start pushing, the pilots announced that the plane was about to begin its landing procedure. That usually means all passengers and crew must take their seats.

    This was going to have to happen fast.

    Fritz and Powell told flight attendants that they needed blankets, and lots of them. Passengers all over the plane passed theirs back so that Blair could be comfortable as she began pushing.

    They also needed shoelaces, of all things. One to use as a tourniquet for an IV, and another to tie off the umbilical cord. That is, before they cut it with a butter knife, which was all that was available.

    Truly an amazing MacGyver-like delivery. Just a few quick pushes and the baby was born. Some passengers barely even knew anything was happening outside of a few murmurs and folks standing up or moving around.

    According to all reports, Blair and baby girl Brielle were healthy and stable when the plane arrived.

    A beautiful irony in the teamwork

    Airplanes and airports are notorious for bringing out the worst in humanity. Passengers berate flight attendants, fight over seats, and throw etiquette and human decency into the wind over the most minor inconveniences.

    So, it’s amazing to see an example of 150-some odd strangers working together to tackle a true medical emergency. It wasn’t the smooth, convenient, and peaceful ride some passengers probably had in mind—but it’s one they won’t soon forget.

  • A baby was born landing at JFK. The pilot ran with the traffic controller’s name pick on the spot.
    Photo credit: CanvaA pregnant woman on an airplane and a pilot talking on his headphones.

    There’s a particular kind of magic that happens when professionals doing routine work get hit with a genuinely extraordinary situation. The instinct is usually one of two things: clinical efficiency or unexpected warmth. Sometimes, gloriously, both.

    That’s exactly what happened on April 4, 2026, when Caribbean Airlines Flight BW005 was descending into John F. Kennedy International Airport from Kingston, Jamaica. One of the passengers, a heavily pregnant woman, went into labor. The pilot calmly radioed Kennedy Tower with the situation and requested a direct routing in. Air traffic control lined everything up: clearance to land on Runway 4R, ground crew briefed, medical personnel arranged at the gate.

    Then, a few minutes after touchdown, ground control checked in.

    aviation, air traffic control, JFK, kindness, Caribbean Airlines
    An airplane pilot. talking to air traffic controller. Photo credit: Canva

    “Caribbean five, ground.”

    “Yes sir, go ahead.”

    “Is it out yet?”

    “Yes, sir.”

    “All right. Tell her she’s got to name it Kennedy.”

    “Ahh, Kennedy. Will do.”

    “All right. Have a good day.”

    That was it. The audio, which CBS Mornings shared on April 6, has been making the rounds online ever since, mostly because of the timing of the whole thing. A mother had just delivered a healthy baby on a Boeing 737 mid-descent. The pilot had just helped coordinate that situation while flying a plane. And the ground controller, having calmly walked the flight through one of the more unusual arrivals at JFK that week, decided the appropriate sign-off was a dad joke about naming the kid after the airport.

    According to Caribbean Airlines, the flight never even formally declared an emergency. The crew handled it within standard procedures, and upon landing the mother and newborn were attended to by medical personnel and received the care they needed. Everyone was fine.

    What’s stuck with people online isn’t really the medical drama, though. It’s the ground controller’s instinct to make a joke. There’s a version of this exchange that’s all clipped efficiency, and we’d never have heard about it. But this particular controller, in the middle of a shift at one of the busiest airspaces in the country, decided the moment called for a small human gesture. A pop of warmth on a frequency that’s usually nothing but headings and altitudes.

    It’s nice to see that the people running our infrastructure are people. They’re listening, they’re paying attention, and once in a while they’re trying to give a stranger they’ll never meet a little something to remember the day by.

    Whether the baby actually ends up named Kennedy is up to the family. But somewhere out there is a woman who can tell her child a true story that starts with “you were born on a plane, and the man on the radio who guided us in picked your name.”

    Hard to top that.

  • Older millennials share their biggest mistakes so you can learn from them
    Photo credit: CanvaA millennial woman stares at the ground

    It wasn’t long ago that a millennial was seen as a college kid that baby boomers chided for being entitled and Gen Xers thought were way too sincere and needed to learn how to take a joke. Today, the oldest millennials, those born around 1980, are now in their mid-40s and have lived long enough to have some serious regrets.

    They also have enough experience to take some pride in decisions that, in hindsight, were the right moves. The good news is that at 40 there is still plenty of time to learn from our successes and failures to set ourselves up for a great second half of life. These lessons are also valuable to the Gen Zers coming up who can avoid the pitfalls of the older generation.

    The Reddit thread that hit a nerve

    A Reddit user who has since deleted their profile asked millennials nearing 40 what their biggest mistakes were at this point in life and they received more than 2,200 responses. The biggest regrets these millennials have are being flippant about their health and not saving enough money when they were younger.

    They also realized that the carefree days of youth are fleeting and impossible to get back. So they should have spent less time working and more time enjoying themselves. Many also lamented that they should have taken their education more seriously in their 20s so they have more opportunities now.

    The responses to this thread are bittersweet. It’s tough hearing people come to grips with their regrets but the realizations are also opportunities to grow. Hopefully, some younger people will read this thread and take the advice to heart.

    Here are 21 of the most powerful responses to the question: “Millennials of Reddit now nearing your 40s, what were your biggest mistakes at this point in life?”

    On health and relationships

    1. “Not taking care of my hearing, not even 35 and going deaf.” – Kusanagi8811

    2. “Not getting healthy earlier.” – zombiearchivist

    3. “Staying too long at a job in my 20s, just because it was safe and easy. When I finally got the motivation to leave, ended up with an almost 50% pay boost.” – Hrekires

    4. “Thinking that I could and should put myself on the back burner for anything and anyone else.” – lenalilly227

    5. “Smoking and not dealing with my sh** the right way.” – Allenrw3

    6. “Pining after the wrong person.” – runikepisteme

    7. “I turned 40 this year and just started liking who I am. Why the fuck did it take 40 years for self acceptance?” – guscallee

    8. “Take care of your f***ing back. Lift with your knees. Sure it’s rad when you grab a fridge by yourself and lift it in the back of a moving truck unaided, but one day that shit is going to have consequences that won’t just magically go away by resting and ‘taking it easy’ for a week.” – GuyTallman

    9. “I wish I spent more time with my dad while I had the chance.” – CharlieChooper

    10. “I’m 37. I absolutely could have taken better care of my body, but I’m in relatively good health. I’m starting to realize how important it is to maintain my health. I do also think I drank far too much in my 20 and early 30’s. I’m trying to rectify that now, but it’s hard. So that I guess.” – dartastic

    On work, money and missed opportunities

    11. “I’m not sure if people have experienced the same but when I entered my 30s I became convinced I was rapidly running out of time. Rather than using that as motivation I let it paralyze me with indecision because I ‘couldn’t afford to make the wrong choice.’ Consequently, I’m now 39 and, though I’ve had great things happen in my 30s, I regret spending so much time worrying and so little time committing to a course of action.” – tomwaste

    12. “Work to live, don’t live to work. You have half your working life after you turn 40 but only 20-25 years to really live it up before the responsibilities become heavy and your joints start to ache. Live life. Really LIVE it. Experience as much you can. Every sensation, sight, sound, touch. Be open. Be brave. Live your first few decades in the fast lane. You have the rest of your life to take it easy, when you have no choice.” – MrDundee666

    13. “I should have paid more attention to my parents telling me to save money and less attention when they were teaching me about purity culture.” – Arkie_MTB

    14. “If I could tell my 18 year old self one thing, it would be to save 10% of every paycheck I ever got.” – PutAForkInHim

    15. “Thinking that I have time to do everything I want only to find myself loosing time, and the endless energy I used to have in order to purse them.” – ezZiioFTW

    A man with a regrettable sunburn. Photo credit: Canva

    16. “Not wearing sunscreen.” – blueboxreddress

    17. “Not recognizing the importance of work/life balance earlier in life. My late teens, all 20’s, and early 30’s were spent pulling 60-100+hr weeks because I thought it was what was required to succeed. How wrong I was. Others stabbed me in the back and reaped the reward.” – [Deleted]

    18. “When you get out of college, keep your friends. No matter how hard it is. Hold on to them.” – mpssss22

    19.“Should have bought a home. We qualified 20 years ago for enough to buy a small 2 bedroom but I didn’t think we could afford it. That 2 bedroom would be worth nearly 3Xs and paid off by now. We pay nearly double in rent what our mortgage would have been. Gotta love the SF bay area cost of living.” -Thelazywitch

    20. “Always ask for more pay. Starting, yearly, before leaving, whatever. Get that money.” – SensibleReply

    What younger generations can take from this

    Reading through these responses, one thing becomes clear: most of these regrets aren’t about big dramatic failures, they’re about the small, quiet choices that compound over time. The good news is that the same principle works in reverse. Small, quiet choices toward health, connection, and financial security add up, too.

    This artice originally appeared five years ago. It has been updated.

  • Jimmy Fallon asked people to share their wildest stories from their bad summer jobs
    Photo credit: YouTubeHis face is all of us after that first summer job paycheck.

    Call it a rite of passage, a baptism by fire, or simply a necessary evil, but a terrible summer job is pretty much a staple of young adulthood. Those concert tickets aren’t gonna pay for themselves, after all. Some summer jobs are heinous by the sheer amount of manual labor involved. Others are just plain weird. I remember one year working as a “live strolling table.” Yep, just walking around attached to an elaborately dressed table offering hors d’oeuvres and champagne. A human-furniture hybrid. How do you put that on a resume?

    No matter the role, there is one thing all summer jobs have in common: they teach us humility in one way or another … especially once we see that first paycheck. There’s simply no way to prepare for seeing two weeks worth of hard work equate to a (usually) paltry sum. Hopefully that experience alone makes generous tippers of us all.

    Back in 2022, during one of his popular “hashtag” bits, Jimmy Fallon asked people to share their own “funny, weird, or embarrassing story about a bad summer job” as part of his iconic #hashtags challenge.

    When Jimmy Fallon asked, people delivered

    Here are 15 that might make your own summer job memory feel a little less dreadful:

    “I planted trees for the US Forest Service one summer in HS. Our foreman would go through our lunches, eat our cookies and chips, and take bites out of our sandwiches. We were all about 15 so too afraid to tell.” – @dumpster_diva 

    “One summer I worked at Taco Bell during lunch and Furr’s cafeteria during dinner. People would see me at both and ask if I was twins.” – @kerrikgray

    “As a young comedian I was hired to MC an event for a furniture store. The owner paid me 5 bucks for every time I would fake trip and fall on my way to the mic. He said he was a 3 stooges fan.” @Brentfo4242

    “I applied for a job while in high school at a toy store. I called back days after the interview asking if they had any news for me. They told me I got the job, and they forgot to tell me. They had me scheduled for that day and was told ‘you’re late.’” – @RockerSam91

    “In high school, I worked at an insurance agency…let’s just say the bus ride to and from work was the best part of the job.” – @SharonZurcher

    “In high school I worked at a bounce house company. My first day working was an elementary school field day and the huge inflatable slide starting deflating and collapsing with kids at the top…angry parents staring at me like I had an answer for this at 16 years old.” @calamari_carly

    “In middle school my friend and I got paid to fill, lick and seal about 500 envelopes with documents for a lawyer – a penny per envelope. 3 hours later, we asked for 2 cans of soda from his cooler. He said sure, and took $2 each from our pay. We made a dollar.” – @CameronFontana

    It gets weirder from here

    “I worked at a dog kennel. A guy brought in 2 dogs to stay a month. He told me to give a pill every morning to dog #1. So, I did for the month. When he returned, I brought out dog #1 and he said, ‘Hi, dog #2!’ My face turned so red. Oh, well. The dog survived.” – @TheTomeWebster

    “I babysat identical twin boys where one constantly screamed and got into mischief but potty trained early while the other was quiet, well behaved but always blowing out diapers. They never did anything ‘identical’. I’m shocked that I still wanted kids after that!” – @overbaughs

    “Worked at Crumbl in high school. One coworker had the exact same shifts as me, and she was a theater kid. Like MAJOR theater kid, was cracked out 24/7, randomly performing theater at work. I am not proud to say I memorized 10 Shakespeare monologues because of her.” – @itstherealmeboo

    “I held human hearts with a white cotton glove during open heart surgeries, so they didn’t ‘slip’.…No pressure! That’s why l am now a planetary medium and asteroid deflector. Much less stress.” – @rosamalvaceae

    “I worked for a local sweet corn farm. I had to sort the corn into boxes for their stands around the state or local grocery stores. It came off the truck onto a conveyor belt by the 1000s. I literally saw thousands of corn cobs in my dreams at night.” – @jdianemiller

    “In high school my mom got me a job working with the city to clean an island in the local lake that ducks lived on. Everyday I had to fight a duck, and everyday I needed a bandaid after getting bit by a duck. It was a nightmare and I still hate ducks 30 years later.” @KingSergioS

    “Hired at an amusement park for the summer, taking summer college classes at the same time…Show up for my 1st day to a supervisor who says ‘Oh, the girl who didn’t show up!’ Proceeds to show me the previous week’s schedule where I had 40 hours during my class time. He rolls his eyes when I explain and gives me every crappy task he can find…….I left after the 2nd day, never picked up my check, but kept my employee ID & got in for free all summer!” – @trixiebelle47

    What bad summer jobs actually teach us

    While certain summer jobs, like the ones above, sound like a total nightmare, there have been studies that indicate they may lead to better school outcomes, similar to other out-of-school activities such as sports and clubs. That said, recent reporting from CNBC and other outlets confirms that low-wage, entry-level positions are among the first to be compromised by the rise of artificial intelligence. So unfortunately, not as many heart-holding gigs will be available.

    This article originally appeared four years ago. It has been updated.

  • Couple shares photo of cherry tree they planted as teens has now ‘mirrored’ their pregnancy
    Photo credit: CanvaA couple posing for pregnancy photos and a cherry tree.
    ,

    Couple shares photo of cherry tree they planted as teens has now ‘mirrored’ their pregnancy

    The cherry tree they planted as teenagers never sprouted a single offshoot. Then she got pregnant.

    In 2007, Wes Dixon gave his teenage girlfriend Kelsey Dixon (@kelseyrileydixon) a cherry tree sapling for their first anniversary. They planted it in his mother’s backyard in Pennsylvania and did what seemed like a sweet but slightly impractical thing: they decided to take a photo with it every year.

    They kept that promise for nearly two decades. Through high school graduation, through moving 3,000 miles away, through marriage, through the year they forgot and had to make peace with the gap in the series — they kept coming back to that tree. The annual photo became a living timeline of their relationship, the tree growing taller and wider behind them as they changed too.

    Then came the pregnancy photo. Kelsey was expecting twins, and her mother-in-law was keeping an eye on the tree back in Pennsylvania. That’s when she noticed something she’d never seen before in 17 years.

    The cherry tree had sprouted new shoots from one of its roots. Basal sprouts, sometimes called suckers, a cluster of small new growth emerging from the base of the original tree. In nearly two decades it had never done this. It did it the year the Dixons were expecting their first children.

    “My mom sends me a picture,” Kelsey narrated in a video posted to her Instagram, “and there’s a little baby tree growing. She pointed out that it’s growing from one of the roots of the main cherry tree.”

    The video hit 48 million views. Kelsey and Wes appeared on ABC News and the TODAY show to tell the story. The comment that seemed to capture what people were feeling: “We’re so much more connected to these beautiful living beings on earth than we can even fathom.”

    There’s no scientific reason to think the tree knew. Basal sprouting is a normal form of vegetative reproduction for ornamental cherries, triggered by stress, root disturbance, or just the right conditions underground. The timing was coincidence.

    But it was a very good coincidence, and the Dixons are not inclined to overthink it. Kelsey has since written a children’s book called “Roots and Wings,” inspired by the tradition and the sprout, and partnered with plant retailer The Sill on a line of trees meant for marking meaningful moments — anniversaries, births, new beginnings.

    They also, for the record, skipped 2019. Kelsey said she’s made her peace with it. “I kind of love it now that we missed it,” she told Newsweek. “It’s a good demonstration of imperfection being part of life and relationships.”

    The tree is still in the backyard. The baby branches are still growing.

  • A school counselor comforted her crying student new to the United States. Her tender response is an emotional lesson in empathy.
    Photo credit: TikTok/@theclassyclinician [with permission]School counselor and social worker Korynn Patterson comforts new student.

    Korynn Patterson, an elementary school counselor and social worker in Maryland, knew exactly what she needed to do when a brand new student walked into her office “sad” and “scared”—she took her into her arms for an empathetic embrace.

    Patterson shared the sweet interaction with the young student who recently moved to the United States from a Spanish-speaking country. And with the help of a fellow female student to translate, she was able to comfort her.

    “Our new student doesn’t speak any English and I paid my translator in fruit snacks ☺️,” she wrote in the caption.

    @theclassyclinician

    Our new student doesn’t speak any English and I paid my translator in fruit snacks ☺️ How would you comfort and empower her? #fyp #explore #schoollife #schoolcounselor #socialwork

    ♬ Relaxing Music – kucing tetangga

    Ms. Patterson models empathy with emotional student

    In the viral video shared with her followers on TikTok, Patterson hugged her student and asked her student translator to say, “I know you must be very scared, but can you tell her you’re very brave? You’re a very brave girl.”

    The student is crying and tells Ms. Patterson that she misses her mom and doesn’t want to go to class. Patterson responds, “Tell her I am going to sit in class with you for a little bit, okay?”

    Patterson offers her a fidget toy to help her with anxiety and more reassurance that she “knows she is scared [and] that she is there to help her.” The three keep things light talking about Paw Patrol. Ms. Patterson then tells the upset student that they can spend time at lunch and recess together as well.

    @theclassyclinician

    #stitch with @theclassyclinician Here’s the update before the real update! ☺️ I will be posting the students update video on Monday. Stay TUNED and Thank you guys so much for ALL of your support! Welcome to the family! ❤️✨ #schoolcounselor #socialwork #fyp #explore

    ♬ Relaxing Music – kucing tetangga

    In the video overaly, Patterson explains more about the girl’s story.

    “At her age, school was optional in her country,” she shared. “She is experiencing HUGE culture shock…I’m always happy to be a safe space for my students. Being that her whole world is changing, she needs to feel some sense of safety. I affirm them just as they affirm me.”

    @theclassyclinician

    Here’s the update on the girls that have stolen our hearts, our little translator and new student. She calls me azul 🦋🩵 Thank you all SO MUCH for your love and support. All links to support us are in my bio 🥹💙 Stay tuned for the next update! #schoolcounselor #socialwork #fyp #explore #schoollife

    ♬ original sound – theclassyclinician

    Ms. Patterson reacts

    In an interview with Upworthy, Patterson shared, “I am overwhelmed in the best way by all the love and the support that we have gotten from all of you! I am so grateful to be in position to touch so many lives of all ages, races, and walks of life.”

    She created an Amazon Wishlist for those looking to support her students.

    Patterson also created two follow-up videos (here and here) that updated viewers on the student. In one video, the girls are back in Ms. Patterson’s office eating lunch and chatting with each other. They tell her they are now “best friends.”

    Ms. Patterson shared that the student was moved down a grade to help her “catch up” with English, and the young girl notes that she is trying to learn English through her schoolwork. Ms. Patterson continues to pick up Spanish through her students.

    Viewers respond

    The emotional video garnered an overwhelming response from viewers, who praised Ms. Patterson for her tenderness towards the student as well as her translator:

    “the baby who’s translating is such an empath i’m crying rn🥺.”

    “She is not only translating words, she translates empathy. That girl did an amazing job.”

    “As a future school counselor, I am CRYING 🥺 kids are so precious.”

    “All of us immigrant kids are crying coz we know exactly how that lil girl feels 🥺🥺”

    “I cried for this whole interaction. My heart breaks for baby girl but you guys are awesome.”

    “The fact she felt SAFE with you speaks volumes!!!!! Great job Queen 👸🏽.”

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