upworthy

lgbtq

The teacher said having two dads was "nothing to be thankful for."

Just imagine being an 11-year-old boy who's been shuffled through the foster care system. No forever home. No forever family. No idea where you'll be living or who will take care of you in the near future. Then, a loving couple takes you under their care and chooses to love you forever.

What could one be more thankful for? That was the situation that Daniel, a fifth grader at Deerfield Elementary School in Cedar Hills, Utah, found himself in back in 2019. Understandably, when asked by his substitute teacher what he was thankful for for Thanksgiving, young Daniel said, finally being adopted by his two dads.

dads, foster care, same-sex parents, louis van amstel, snow, warm suits A photo of Louis van Amstel and his husband.via OD Action / Twitter

To the child's shock, the teacher replied, "that's nothing to be thankful for," and then went on a rant in front of 30 students saying that "two men living together is a sin" and "homosexuality is wrong."

While the boy sat there embarrassed, three girls in the class stood up for him by walking out of the room to tell the principal. Shortly after, the substitute was escorted out of the building. While on her way out, she scolded Daniel, saying it was his fault she was removed.

One of Daniel's future parents happened to be Louis van Amstel, a former dancer on ABC's "Dancing with the Stars." In an interview with The Salt Lake Tribune., he said "It's absolutely ridiculous and horrible what she did. We were livid. It's 2019, and this is a public school."

Daniel told his soon-to-be parents he didn't speak up in the classroom because their final adoption hearing is December 19 and he was afraid to do anything that would interfere. He had already been through two failed adoptions and didn't want it to happen again.

gay marriage, gay rights, gay dads, LGBT, LGBTQ rights, LGBTA allyship, allyship, marriage equality Louis van Amstel at an event. via Loren Javier / Flickr

A spokesperson for the Alpine School District didn't go into detail about the situation but praised the students who spoke out. "Fellow students saw a need, and they were able to offer support," David Stephenson said. "It's awesome what happened as far as those girls coming forward."

"We are concerned about any reports of inappropriate behavior and take these matters very seriously," Kelly Services, the school that contracts out substitute teachers for the district, said in a statement. "We conduct business based on the highest standards of integrity, quality, and professional excellence. We're looking into this situation."

After the incident made the news, the soon-to-be adoptive parents' home was covered in paper hearts that said, "We love you" and "We support you." Thankfully, the substitute teacher was also fired from Kelly Services. And by the looks of this strapping prom photo, it seems that Daniel is doing just fine.

That was 2019. And in 2025, bigotry threatens the LGBT community once again—including the landmark same-sex marriage act being proposed to be overturned by the Supreme Court. While it's scary, not to mention disheartening, standing together against such atrocious prejudice is the only way to keep history from repeating itself. Sometimes we adults really can take the example from our kids.

This article originally appeared six years ago.

Play Catch With a Dad/Facebook

Adllyship comes in many forms.

So much about allyship is helping to make those who are excluded feel welcome again. And there are numerous ways to accomplish that.

For John Piermatteo, allyship came in the form of simply playing catch. Over the past five years, Piermatteo, a straight dad, has been showing up to Pride events offering to toss a ball around with members of the LGBTQ+ community.

Inspired by the “mom hugs” and “grandmother hugs” he’d seen offered at Pride events, the straight dad thought that a game of catch was a unique and personal way to offer a meaningful father figure experience to those who might have been rejected by their own families.

Piermatteo first brought his idea to life in 2019 at York Unity Fest in York, Pennsylvania, where he sat under a tree, football at the ready, next to a hand painted sign that read “Play Catch With a Dad.”


It took several trips past my sign before anyone engaged,” he recalls on his website. “I watched people go by looking at the sign out of the side of their eye, then, on the next pass, they might make eye contact with me.”

Eventually, people began walking up to Piermatteo directly to ask “Can I play catch with you?” The exchanges easily turned emotional.

“ I lost count of the number of times we both cried. It was powerful.”

Play Catch With A Dad | Facebook

Play Catch With A Dad | Facebookwww.facebook.com

Despite taking a setback during COVID, “Play Catch With a Dad” has turned into a full on movement, with Piermeeto and friend traveling nationwide to toss the ol’ pigskin with folks with upward of hundreds of people per day.

So far, they’ve visited not only York, Lancaster, Lititz and Chambersburg in Pennsylvania, but San Diego Pride and Phoenix Pride as well. In 2025, they plan to add Maryland and Chicago to the list.

Playing catch is just one of those activities that instantly evokes the image of a safe, healthy, loving father-child relationship. And considering that at least one study has shown that upwards of 70% of lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth experience some degree of parental rejection of their sexual identity, it’s easy to see how this innocent offering likely fills a yearning for so many.

Piermatteo’s contribution, and the massively positive response to it, shows that where allyship does take action, it’s often the simplest acts of compassion that make the most meaningful impact. Yes, we need to fight for policies that protect LGBTQ individuals from discrimination, but sometimes…playing catch really is enough to say “you are welcome, just as you are.”

If you’d like to donate to Play Catch With Dad, or even set up a Play Catch With a Dad event in your area, you can find more information here.

Identity

NFL's first openly gay player shares hilarious moment he realized it was 'safe' to come out

Nassib himself made a gay joke, and the reaction from other players told him everything.

Erik Drost - CC BY 2.0 & Canva Photos

It took years and a lot of courage for Carl Nassib to come out. Now he's sharing the surprisingly funny story.

When Carl Nassib told the world he was gay, it was a huge moment for the NFL, sports, and the queer community. At the time, Nassib was a key defensive player for the Las Vegas Raiders, and his announcement made him the first openly gay active NFL player.

Before him, a few other players had come out after retiring. And there had also been the news and hype around Michael Sam a few years earlier, who was also openly gay. But unlike Nassib, Sam never saw NFL action in a regular-season game and was released before he could make a name for himself in the league. However, there was plenty of debate and rumors that Sam's open sexuality had contributed to his falling in the 2014 draft and ultimately washing out of the league. Though Sam was a good first step forward for the sports world, his experience didn't exactly leave the door wide open for the next person.

Nassib didn't let that stop him. He made his announcement in June of 2021, during the offseason, and on the opening Monday Night Football game of the next season, he made the key defensive play in front of an audience of millions to essentially win the game for his team.


@abcnews

#CarlNassib makes history by coming out as first openly gay active NFL player: “I’ve been meaning to do this for a while now.” #news #sports

Nassib was recently interviewed on The Pivot podcast and gave new insight into his decision to come out. One funny story, in particular, stuck out in his memory.

Former players Ryan Clark and Channing Crowder, hosts of the podcast, asked Nassib if he had any stories about his time in the league worth sharing. "I don't want a bad story because everybody thinks football players are these big meatheads who don't understand anything," Crowder said. "I got funny stories," Nassib replied.

Nassib said that during a game against Cleveland in 2020, he was annoyed that the Browns kept running a play called a "bootleg" away from him, which meant he had to expend a lot of energy sprinting full speed across the field to catch up. "I was so mad," he says.

"Stop with these gay ass bootlegs!" he yelled at the opposing team, admitting later in the interview that his own use of the word was pretty ignorant at the time. And that's when the entire opposing offensive line turned around and told him "You can't say that!"

"Oh man, the league is ready for this," Nassib recalls thinking. "They are ready for me. We got some allies here. ...I was like, 'This is so funny. The guy about to come out, saying the word gay, getting shut down by five massive dudes."

Watch the whole podcast exchange here:


Of course, there was more to it than that one funny moment. Later in the interview, Nassib went on to explain that the death of his uncle, who was also gay, had a huge impact on his decision.

Nassib grew up in a huge family, and his uncle was the only one of the whole bunch of 44 cousins who was open about being gay. On his Uncle Bill's deathbed in 2019, Nassib came out to him privately, and his uncle was so relieved not to be the only one. It inspired Nassib that he could do that for even more people around the world.

"When I came out to him, he was like, 'This is the biggest weight off my chest. I'm not the only one." Nassib remembers thinking, "Man, there's probably so many people out there that are going to feel that same way." Nassib had been wanting to come out publicly for years, but that moment with his uncle was one of the main catalysts that gave him the courage to finally go through with it.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Though Nassib is now retired from pro football, he leaves behind a powerful legacy. There have been no new players to follow in his footsteps per se, but young people all over the world have been quietly following his example ever since.

Nassib and his family still regularly hear from teenagers and their parents that his video gave them the courage to come out, or to participate in sports despite their fears of rejection. He continues to work closely with the Trevor Project and other organizations that aim to make the world safer for LGBTQ youth. And to think, it all may not have happened if those beefy Browns players hadn't called him out on the field!

Modern Families

Beyond love: The family legacy born from a 63-year lavender marriage

“They knew they had to protect each other at all costs.”

The results of a 63-year lavender marriage? Astounding.

Though decades have passed, the effects of the infamous “lavender scare"—a devastating moral panic that swept across the U.S. during the mid-20th century like a virus, targeting gay men and women—continue to reverberate today. It lives within the daughters, sons, friends, and grandchildren of those who were so cruelly denied the freedom to live life on their own terms. However, despite the rampant homophobia and bigotry these people endured, it would also be wrong to say their lives as nothing but a string of suffering, pain, and sorrow. For Elida Rose, who spent 63 years in what’s known as a “lavender marriage” with her closeted husband, Donald (who passed away in 2021), her story even comes with a happy ending. At the ripe, tender age of 90 years old, the Colombian immigrant and doting grandmother embraced her bisexuality. After six decades of living a double life, no longer held in the shackles of fear, she was finally able to enjoy the sweet taste of freedom that comes with embodying your true, authentic self.

Donald and Elida’s remarkable love story, although strictly platonic, was documented in a touching viral TikTok series created by their granddaughter, Christian Owen. In a flurry of slideshows, she depicts her grandparents’ lavender marriagephotos of the family with their two daughters, her grandfather making moves in Hollywood as an up-and-coming graphic design artist, Elida’s devout Catholicism, and her deep belief that queer people deserve a place in the Catholic church. Their commitment to each other demonstrates how their profound sacrifices paved the way for future generations to live authentically and love freely.


@faultywiring0709

I am so truly blessed. #fyp #TikTokPartner #pridetiktok #lgbt #lavendermarriage #

At the time, being gay was dangerous, and many faced vile social and professional consequences due to their sexual preferences. As a result, many queer people agreed to “lavender marriages,” covert unions typically between a man and a woman, where one or both partners were secretly gay. They wed, promising to keep each other safe. Lavender marriages are often referred to as “marriages of convenience”: a means to an end, a last-ditch survival tactic to conceal their true sexual preferences and avoid facing the potentially catastrophic repercussions.

Elida and Don’s six-decade relationship has swept social media, where their platonic love for each other has captured the hearts of thousands. Christian lovingly chronicles her grandparents’ lives, writing “I am so truly blessed” in a caption. “Despite both of them being LGBTQ, they were each other’s best friends and loved and protected each other fiercely… [and] as a result of my grandparents’ loving 63-year lavender marriage, they had two daughters, four grandchildren, and eight great-grandchildren.”


- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Their story begins in West Hollywood, where Don was a Los Angeles Art School student and Elida was in nursing school. The two met and became fast friends. However, as Don’s career as a graphic design artist began to blossom in Hollywood, working with celebrities like Ansel Adams, Hugh Hefner, and Francis Ford Coppola, he feared that, like many in the industry, his sexuality would get him black-listed. With Elida’s immigration status pending, the two decided to wed. Don found a dazzling gold ring and set the emerald Elida had brought with her from Colombia in it, telling her, “I want you to always carry a piece of home with you.” (Christian would later propose to her girlfriend, now wife, Laura, with the same ring.) And just like that, Don and Elida found themselves in a lavender marriage.

But although Don never got the chance to live authentically as an out gay man, it turns out Elida had a few secrets of her own. Following Donald’s death, as the family lamented the fact that he’d always had to hide his true self, a secret slipped out. Seemingly out of the blue, she announced, “I might be 90 years old, but, well, I like women. I always have.”

Whoa.


Grandmother, lesbian, nongenarian, bisexual, LGBTQ, lavender marriage 90-year-old Grandma Elida is finally able to live her true, authentic life. TikTok @faultywiring0709

"Being able to live as my true self now means more to me than freedom, it is freedom," Elida told PEOPLE. "Please don't get me wrong, I loved my husband so much. We had a beautiful life together, but not being able to be our true selves made us felt like we were in a prison."

The term “lavender marriage” may be unfamiliar to some, especially younger generations. The fact that we now live in a time when this phrase, once synonymous with the oppression of queer people, has begun to fade from our collective memories speaks to the remarkable progress of the LGBTQ+ movement and activists. The concept dates back to the early 20th century, when society heavily stigmatized same-sex attraction. During Hollywood's Golden Age, many stars were forced to covertly enter these unions to protect their careers and public images. This was largely due to "morality clauses" in 1920s actors' contracts that prohibited any behavior considered "a deviation from social norms."

But lavender marriages came with a cost. Although they shielded queer men and women from the harsh realities of social expectations, these romantically void unions were often heartbreaking for all involved. They required immense emotional resilience and trust between partners. Because while Donald and Elida certainly had love for each other, keeping up the facade as a heteronormative family was far from easy. Their partnership demanded constant negotiation, sparking paranoia, fear, and even jealousy. “My grandparents had an arrangement,” says Christian. “When my grandfather was home, he prioritized him, her, and their family… [and] my grandfather worshipped the ground [Elida] walked on.” The two devised a special arrangement where they could date outside of their marriage, as long as they adhered to certain rules.


Men, gay men, sexuality, lavender marriagesLavender marriages, although shielding, come at a cost. Giphy

Christian’s videos have resonated deeply with viewers, who also carry oceans of emotion regarding lavender marriages and their impact on those involved.

"Lavender marriages are so beautiful, but also sometimes have a sense of underlying sadness. They make me feel bittersweet, in a way," one person commented.

“I’m reading The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo. Something about a lavender marriage is so bittersweet,” added another.

Then, from user Holly Danielle: “The only word that comes to mind is love. True, real, raw, unconditional love. Your family is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing with us.”


According to ancient Greek philosophy, lavender marriages exemplify philia, or “friendship love.” Unlike eros, which is associated with romantic love, philia represents a deep bond between friends, a profound platonic connection rooted in mutual respect, companionship, and trust. In these marriages, partners often provided each other with a level of emotional support that transcended typical romantic love. Beautiful, yet sad, like the prettiest songbird stuck in a cage.

After significant demand from fans, Christian is currently crowdfunding on GoFundMe to create Lilac Love, The Story of Elida Rosa, a movie that would chronicle the marriage between her 90-year-old lesbian grandmother and gay grandfather. “Her story has inspired millions,” she writes. “And I know [it] has the potential to inspire millions more. Her story deserves to be told and honored!”