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Mom shares her wholesome and hilarious response to son’s letter coming out as transgender

However, she couldn't help but point out one mistake.

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Cherie Garcia posted her son's coming out letter on Twitter.

Cherie Garcia managed to score some major mom points from her response to her child's creative—yet slightly flawed—coming out letter.

Using colorful cut-out letters, Garcia's son Crow made a short letter coming out as transgender, which looked something like a ransom note. The message was meant to be: Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of your very own son.

Garcia was nonchalant about the announcement, but she did notice something unsettling that every mom would notice. And she was quick to point it out.

Aware that something was getting ready to transpire (mother's intuition, after all) Garcia told Crow's dad—her ex-husband—on the phone that Crow was "either working on homework or holding someone ransom" after walking by his room. She was relieved to find out that neither was the case.

Garcia's tweet read: "My teenager handed me this envelope and asked that I wait to open it until after he went to his dad's house. After opening it, I called to let him know that the *only* thing that's wrong with this is the 'r' he accidentally left out of congratulations." She concluded the tweet with a supportive trans and rainbow flag emoji. Thanks, mom.

Garcia and Crow make a game out of pointing out spelling errors on signs, so she felt especially compelled to call him out on that missing "r."

The follow-up tweet is really the kicker here. "There is nothing my kids could do to lose my support and unconditional love. My prayer for each of them is that they live life as their authentic selves, without compromise. My teen is figuring things out and I support him 100%, because God created both of my babies perfectly."

Garcia's welcoming embrace for her son, along with the bonus spelling lesson, soon went viral on Twitter. Comments came flooding in from other parents wanting to commiserate with the coming-out letters they had received.

"I love the drama of it," wrote one mom. "My own non binary kiddo nailed a note to their door in the middle of the night and declared that if we must refer to them to refer to them as our spawn. I commented on the atrocious handwriting."

Garcia's reply? "I'll call you Voltron if you want, but please spell it correctly."

Another person shared their own creative process while coming out, saying "I couldn't decide when I came out so I gave my parents 3 different cards. This was one" followed by a (really well done) image of Pinocchio saying "I'm a real boy."

Every kid just wants to be seen as perfect in their mom's eyes. Spelling is important (as Garcia jokingly stated on Twitter) but to a teenager going through a major identity transition, compassion and acceptance are crucial. Growing up and figuring yourself out is no easy process. But knowing mom is always gonna love you, no matter what, at least makes it seem a little less impossible.

Thanks Cherie Garcia for the spelling lesson and gesture of love all-in-one. And to Crow, "congatulations."


This article originally appeared on 11.18.21


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Identity

Trans woman explains the financial costs of being trans in a reality-checking video

Not everyone can afford to "pass."

Alluring Skull|TikTok and Julia Pomodoro|Canva

Trans woman details the cost of being trans in heartfelt video.

Being transgender in America isn't easy, especially given the current political climate around trans rights. But it seems that people forget it's not just policies that make it difficult to be trans, as the cost of transitioning can be astronomically out of reach for some individuals.

No matter how badly a person wants to do more than socially transition, medical transitions are not typically covered by insurance. So any medical procedures someone has to affirm their gender can cost thousands and thousands of dollars out of pocket. Even socially transitioning can come with a hefty price tag.

One trans woman, Jory, who goes by Alluring Skull on TikTok, is setting the record straight on the cost for trans people to "pass" in society. Jory recently saved enough money to get facial feminization surgery, which can cost anywhere from $20,000 to $50,000. This surgery helps to soften the facial features of trans women who went through testosterone-driven puberty.

Jory explains in her video that before she had the facial surgery and extensions, people were chastising her for not trying harder to pass. The criticisms even came from fellow members of the trans community. But she found that after the surgery, people continued to criticize her.

"From the second day of coming out, I was told by other trans women that I don't try enough to pass. Six months later, I would receive my facial feminization surgery, to receive hundreds of comments telling me that I looked disgusting and I messed up my face," Jory says.

She goes on to say that she has been open about her transition online to show how difficult it is to be trans before listing some of the things she has to pay a lot of money for. These expenses include hundreds of dollars on her makeup, extensions and an entirely new wardrobe. This doesn't include the cost of hormones or surgeries.

Being able to afford to pass as a trans person is a privilege that not every trans person has, so they make do with what's available.

"I want people to know that being trans is extremely difficult. It's not as simple as just waking up one day and deciding you're going to pass, or you're going to be seen as the gender you are inside," Jory explains. "It takes a lot of work and a lot of money that most of us don't have access to. The median income for trans people in America is $10,000. Most of us will never be able to present in a way that aligns with who we are."

She ends the video by calling for people to be kinder to trans people by not leaving hateful comments on their videos. You can watch her heartfelt video below.

@alluringskull

#stitch with @Alluringskull #trans

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gender affirming care
Identity

Simple ways to support your trans friends when they come out.

If someone trusts you with news that they're trans, there are a few key do's and don'ts you should follow.

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

Some tools to help us stand beside people we love and support.

For many gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender people, one of the most personal (and sometimes scary) experiences they'll go through is the "coming out" process.

Coming out means telling others of your status as an LGBTQ person. As society is becoming more accepting of people's sexual orientation and gender identity, coming out is getting easier all the time. Even so, for many, it's still a carefully calculated process that involves planning who, how, and when to tell people in their lives.

In 2016, writer and director Lilly Wachowski — known as co-creator of "The Matrix" series of films, "Jupiter Ascending," and "Sense8" — came out publicly as transgender.

It's so great that Lilly came to that realization about herself and started living more authentically. In 2012, her sister Lana also came out as trans. What's not cool about this is the fact that Lilly was forced to out herself, in a letter she chose to share with The Windy City Times, after a reporter from The Daily Mail threatened to do it without her permission.

Lilly Wachowski, transgender, The Matrix, LGBTQ

Lilly Wachowski came out as transgender in 2016.

t.co

If someone trusts you with news that they're trans, there are a few key do's and don'ts you should follow — and telling a journalist definitely falls under "don't."

As a transgender person, one of the most common questions I get from strangers is: "My friend or family member recently told me that they're transgender. How can I support them?"

Below are five tips I give people who are thoughtful enough to ask.

1. Let them know they have your support.

If you're asking this question (or taking the time to look up an article on the subject), you're already on the right path. It's important to make sure your friend knows you're in their corner, as they're probably afraid of how others in their lives will react. A simple "If you need anything, I'm here for you" can go a long way.

2. Respect their identity, name, and pronouns.

Ask questions like "What are your pronouns?" and "How would you like me to refer to you in private and when we're around people who may not know you're transitioning?"

If somebody is just starting to come out to others, odds are that there are still some people who don't know and might still use old names and pronouns. Asking how you should react in those situations will help you avoid outing your friend to others who don't yet know.

3. Educate yourself — don't rely on your friend to educate you.

There are so many great resources on how to understand trans issues. While your friend may be happy to answer those initial personal questions about things like names and pronouns, they might become overwhelmed if you start treating them as a walking encyclopedia of all things trans.

I recommend PFLAG's amazing resource "Our Trans Loved Ones: Questions and Answers for Parents, Families, and Friends of People who are Transgender and Gender Expansive." The 102-page guide is a comprehensive piece of "Trans 101" literature that's bound to answer some of your questions (complete with some more thorough do's and don'ts).

4. Don't gossip about them or "out" them to others.

The only people you should be discussing your friend's gender with are people they've given you explicit permission to do so with. Going behind their back and outing them to someone they may not yet be ready to tell is not only a huge betrayal of their trust, but it could even put them in physical danger.

On top of that, when someone is hearing this news from a secondhand source (that is, you), some of the important details may get lost in translation, which get further garbled if this person tells someone else — it eventually turns into a game of telephone, and no one wants that.

A vigil for slain transgender woman Islan Nettles at Jackie Robinson Park in Harlem in 2013. Nettles was severely beaten after being approached on the street by a group of men and later died of her injuries.

5. Understand that this is not about you and your feelings.

It's OK to feel confused, and it's OK to not immediately "get it." Those feelings are completely valid, but demanding to know why your friend didn't tell you sooner (they were probably wrestling with this themselves for quite some time) or saying you feel betrayed will only hurt them during an extremely vulnerable time in their life.

Nothing you did "made" your friend trans, and it's probably less that they were hiding something from you and more that they were hiding this reality from themselves.

Whether someone is a Hollywood director or a friend from high school, we should all have the right to come out at our own pace and in our own way.

Maybe years from now the aspect that makes this seem like such juicy gossip will fade and trans people won't have to worry about being forcibly outed. Maybe years from now trans people won't need to fear that coming out will be met with job loss, homelessness, or physical harm. Until then, it's important that those of us who care for our trans friends and family members do what we can do show we're there for them.

This article originally appeared on 03.09.16. It has been lightly edited.

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community
Identity

Laverne Cox makes history as first transgender Barbie doll

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Laverne Cox in 2016.

When kids are growing up they love to see themselves in the dolls and action figures. It adds a special little spark to a shopping trip when you hear your child say “it looks just like me.” The beaming smile and joy that exudes from their little faces in that moment is something parents cherish, and Mattel is one manufacturer that has been at the forefront of making that happen. It has created Barbies with freckles, afro puffs, wheelchairs, cochlear implants and more. The company has taken another step toward representation with its first transgender doll.

Laverne Cox, openly transgender Emmy award winning actor and LGBTQ activist, is celebrating her 50th birthday May 29, and Mattel is honoring her with her very own Barbie doll. The doll designed to represent Cox is donned in a red ball gown with a silver bodysuit. It also has accessories like high heels and jewelry to complete the look. Cox told Today, “It’s been a dream for years to work with Barbie to create my own doll.” She continued, “I can’t wait for fans to find my doll on shelves and have the opportunity to add a Barbie doll modeled after a transgender person to their collection.”

Cox has spent her career breaking barriers and being a role model for transgender people who may not have had the courage to reach for their dreams. Seeing someone on the screen that represents their struggle winning awards and being accepted could be the push someone needs to step out of their comfort zone. But Cox wasn’t always so confident. The reason it was so important for her to have her own Barbie doll came from a conversation she had with her therapist around the shame she felt growing up.

Recalling the conversation in her interview, Cox said, “I was telling my therapist how I was really shamed by my mother when I was a kid when I wanted to play with a Barbie doll but I was denied. And I had a lot of shame and trauma about that,” Cox said. “And my therapist said to me, ‘It is never too late to have a happy childhood.’ She said, ‘Go out and buy yourself a Barbie and play with her. There’s a little kid that lives inside of you. Give her space to play.’ And I did.”

In an attempt to help our kids grow up happy, parents will make mistakes. After it was revealed to her that Cox felt shamed for her love of dolls as a child, Cox's mother attempted to correct her previous misstep. The actor revealed that her mother started buying her Barbie dolls as gifts. “My mother bought me a Barbie doll. And on my birthday, my mother bought me another Barbie doll. For the next several years, she would always give me Barbies,” Cox said.

Cox continued, “Barbie has been a really healing experience for me as an adult and I hope Barbie fans of all ages can find healing and inspiration in this doll,”

The Barbie was released May 25, and can be found at Walmart, Target, Amazon and MattelCreations for $40.

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