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A woman's purity certificate went viral. Time to talk about that whole 'virginity' thing.

The conversation about virginity doesn't seem to go away. So let's set the record straight.

Are you a virgin?

Sure, the question might seem simple at first glance...

Nope. Not so fast.


When we dig into what "virginity" really means, it gets a little more complicated.

Just like this photo that went viral. Check it out: Just a young woman in a wedding dress beaming as she stands next to her father on her big day.

Nope. Not so fast. Take a closer look...


Image via ABC News/YouTube.

They're both holding a "Certificate of Purity" from her doctor.

Now, I'm not here to knock the fact that Brelyn Bowman had a goal that was important to her that she achieved. But there is something messed up about the, um, measurement of that goal.

Here's the thing: It's impossible to "prove" someone is a virgin using a hymen test.

The basis for Bowman's test was whether her hymen — a membrane in the vaginal canal — was still intact. While the test worked for her, it has long been debunked as a useful tool to determine whether someone has engaged in sex.

There are two big issues here: First, not all hymens are created equal. Some people are born with hymens that are not intact. And, second, even if someone is born with it intact, the hymen can tear due to a variety of nonsexual activities, like horseback riding or gymnastics.


Quick! Someone tell her to get off that horse or it'll render all obsolete virginity tests useless! Photo by richard266/pixabay.

OK, so if the hymen test doesn't work. What does?

Wait! Back that horse up because we're putting it before the cart.

There's no set definition for virginity. People commonly say that a virgin is someone who has never had sex. But what counts as sex?

Does oral sex count? Anal intercourse? Conventionally, people have tended to believe that only penis-in-vagina intercourse counts. But then ... are gay people always virgins? What about people who engage in other sexual contact?

I wouldn't blame you if you're scratching your head right now because it all seems pretty complicated and confusing.

It's hard to parse it all because virginity isn't a biological state. It's a social construct.



Think about it: The valuation of virginity is only targeted toward women.

There's no test for people without vaginas.

That's because virginity and sexual purity emerged way back in ye olden times as a way to control women's behavior. And we see that in all the sexual double standards we have between men and women.

See what I mean? GIF from "How To Lose Your Virginity."

In spite of the fact that virginity can't be proven, it's still used as a way to measure a woman's so-called "purity."

Look at the phenomenon of purity balls: A girl's "sanctity" is promised to a male protector (father) until it's (presumably) handed off to a male spouse. (The possibility that the young woman won't be with a man or ever get married? IMPOSSIBLE.)


Fathers and daughters dance during a purity ball. Image via ABC News/YouTube.

There's nothing wrong with choosing to wait to have sex. But let's make sure we provide young people with fact-based information to help them make that decision.

Providing comprehensive sex education, which would explain that a hymen test isn't an accurate test of virginity, could be a great start. Comparing people who have multiple sexual partners to chewed gum doesn't provide the proper foundation to make a fully informed decision.

A Harvard study revealed that abstinence-only education does not make a student less likely to engage in premarital sex. They're just as likely to have it, but less likely to use contraception the first time. You know what actually helps students delay sex (and use contraception to boot)? Comprehensive sex ed education.

Behold, the power of accurate knowledge!

The whole notion that a woman's "purity" — and thus her value — is tied to whether she has had sex or not is just plain wrong.

As Jessica Valenti, author of "The Purity Myth," says:

The purity myth is the lie that women's sexuality has some bearing on who we are and how good we are. Because, really, I think that we all know that young women are so much more than whether or not they have sex.

We really should be teaching our daughters that our ability to be good people is based on their intelligence, their compassion, their kindness — not what they do with their bodies.

I'm not judging Bowman for her decision.

Instead, I'm aiming my judgment at a society that perpetuates misinformation about sex and our bodies.

party, chatting, likable, drinks small talk, men and women

A woman speaking with two men at a party.

When we think of someone likable, we often imagine a person with a big personality who's the life of the party. We conjure up images of social butterflies and people who keep everyone at the dinner party glued to their every word when they tell a story. The funny thing is, according to research, that's not really the case.

Studies show that the easiest way to make someone like you is to show interest by asking questions during the conversation and making it clear that you like them. People also really love those who come off as genuine.


Michael Gendler, a co-founder of Ultraspeaking, a platform that helps people master the art of public speaking, recently shared three "magic" phrases that make you more likable, all of which align with what science tells us.

Three phrases that make you more likable

Phrase 1: "Here's what really scares me..."

This phrase resonates with people because it shows you're genuine by admitting your vulnerability. "Man, talk about your feats, real fears, not like 'Oh, I'm scared I'm going to be too successful.' Tell us about something that actually scares you. Don't be guarded. Be open, and other people will appreciate that," Gendler says.

Phrase 2: "You know what I really like about you?"

This phrase makes people like you because it counters a psychological phenomenon known as signal amplification bias, which suggests we tend to overestimate how clearly we express our feelings to others. This means that, many times, when we think others know we like them, they may not be so sure. So a little assurance goes a long way toward showing them the feeling is mutual. "People love being complimented as long as it is genuine," Gendler says.


Phrase 3: "Tell me more"

As Dale Carnegie wrote in How to Make Friends and Influence People, the key to interacting with others is focusing on being interested in them rather than trying to impress them by being interesting. "Be interested, not interesting," Carnegie writes.

A Harvard study supports this, showing that when you first start speaking with someone, you should follow your first question with two more. People who do this are rated as much more likable than those who, after one question, shift the conversation to themselves. "People love feeling like what they're saying is interesting. So invite them to speak more," Gendler continues.


Don't forget to be genuine

Ultraspeaking's post is a breath of fresh air for those who aren't comfortable trying to impress others at parties, on dates, or in the office. The video shows that if you make people feel important, they're much more likely to like you in return. The key is that it has to come from the heart.

"Remember, don't just use these phrases and expect them to work," Gendler says. "They have to be genuine and open. That's what makes people likable."

parenting, teens, raising teens, teen hangout, high school, game night for teens, activities for teens, parenthood

Amy White explains how her house became "the house" for her teens.

I grew up in "the house." In high school, my home was the designated place where my friends gathered, sometimes in big groups, sometimes just my small core squad. My three best friends spent the night there almost every Friday and/or Saturday night for four years straight. We devoured Totino's frozen pizzas by the dozen, inhaled soda, and laid waste to any snacks or leftovers that were brave enough to survive in the kitchen. Not only that, but my house was pretty small — four teenage boys took up a lot of space in the living room (the whole thing) and made a lot of noise playing video games deep into the night. It must have driven my parents and older brothers crazy. It's a wonder anyone put up with it.

Or so I thought when I was younger. When I became a parent myself, I started to understand a little more why my mom and dad were so willing to host and feed all my friends and me every single weekend. Why the outrageous grocery bill and constant chaos in the house were probably a small price to pay.


Mom explains how to make your house 'the house' where teenagers hang

One mom has perfectly encapsulated the value of turning your home into "the house" for your kids and their friends, and exactly how she did it for her family.

teens, teen house, teens hanging out, teens having fun, teenagers Teens hanging out in a living room.via Canva/Photos

Amy White shared a reel on Instagram showing her college-aged son hanging in her dining room with a group of friends playing cards. The text overlay reads "What makes your kids' high school friends want to come over, play cards & spend the night on their College Christmas Break." I think most parents can agree that we want our kids to keep coming home as long as possible! So how exactly did White pull this off?

Her explanation in the caption was spot-on.

First, White says that you have to start early. Become "the hang out house" in high school or even earlier. Then you have a better chance of holding onto the mantle into your kid's college years.


Next, be ready to stock the house with snacks and drinks, and don't make a fuss when your kid's friends have at it. "The kids knew we had food," she writes, "BUT they also knew I didn't care what they had. They knew they could eat anything in my pantry and fridge."

Third, and this is a big one, don't mistake being the "cool house" for being "the house." Some parents choose to allow their underage kids and friends to drink alcohol under their supervision, but you don't have to bend your morals and the law to lure the squad over to your place. Pizza and Coke is plenty to keep most teens happy. "We were not the house that served alcohol or even allowed the kids to bring alcohol to our house. And Guess What?? The kids still came and wanted to hang at our house!"

teens, teen house, teens hanging out, teens having fun, teenagers Teenagers eating pizza.via Canva/Photos

Fourth, always say Yes (as often as possible, anyway) when your kids want to have friends over. "They know my answer is 99% of the time YES," White writes. "You have to have your kids take the leadership of offering your home and if your home was 'open' to their friends in high school, they know it will be 'open' to their friends in college."

As a bonus tip, White pleas with parents not to worry about the mess having friends over makes. "I love a clean house and organization, BUT I would much rather have a crazy messy house for the kids where memories are made than a quiet house with nothing going on just to keep my house 'clean.'"

Should parents allow teens to drink at home?

There's an age-old debate over whether parents should allow teens to drink at home because it's better than if they do is unsupervised or keep their home dry as a bone. A recent study out of the University of Buffalo found that kids who grew up drinking at home had a greater chance of having addiction problems when they got older. "A robust relationship was found between parental permission to use alcohol during adolescence and increased alcohol use frequency and quantity, alcohol use disorder symptoms, and alcohol-related harms in young adulthood," the study says.

White writes, "It's worth being 'the house', so let go of control & get to know your kids friends." Commenters agreed.

White's video went viral to the tune of 8.5 million views and hundreds of comments. Parents shared their own experiences of what it's like being the default hang out house.

"Our house was the high school hangout for my son and friends... every weekend... I loved it!! Miss it now that they are all college graduates and have moved away. I love seeing them when they do come home for the holidays"

"A wise man once said don't be the house with the alcohol. Be the house with the food."

"Amy 1000% agree!!! My house is full of teenagers on the weekends and I love every bit of it. Even though I wake up to a kitchen that looked much different from when I left it"


teens, teen house, teens hanging out, teens having fun, teenagers Teenagers eating pizza.via Canva/Photos

"We never allowed alcohol, drugs, bad language, always respectful, and guess what, our house was always the house where the kids hung out. First my daughter, then my son. Through grade school, high school, then when my kids went out of state for college their college friends would come spend a couple weeks during the summer. I always thought of it this way, I loved knowing my kids friends and, who knows, maybe some of those kids, especially during the younger years, just maybe those kids just needed an adult to care. Anyway, it was always fun to have them here!"

"It used to crack me up when my daughter would bring over a bunch of her friends (girls and boys) in high school and instead of hanging out in the family room they all wanted to crowd into either the kitchen with me or our tiny office and happily share all the gossip with me."

Experts say that knowing your kids' friends, and their parents, can have huge benefits. Not only will it bring you the peace of mind of knowing where your kid is and who they're with when they get to those crucial high school years, it has been shown to tangibly improve kids ability to create positive relationships and problem-solve collaboratively. Plus, it can actually be really fun! Kids and teens are the funniest, silliest, most interesting people on the planet. Having a house full of them is messy and loud, but it's always a good time.

One caveat: "don’t feel bad if your house isn’t the chosen house," one commenter reminds us. "Just be happy your kid has a good group of friends and be thankful they have somewhere safe to hang out."

This article originally appeared last year.

ideas, homelessness, prodigy, social work, solutions
Photo credit: @ribalzebian on Instagram

Ribal Zebian is going to test a house he designed by living in it for a year.

Ribal Zebian, a student from the city of London in Ontario, Canada, already made headlines last year when he built an electric car out of wood and earned a $120,000 scholarship from it. Now, he's in the news again for something a little different. Concerned with homelessness in his hometown, Zebian got to work creating a different kind of affordable housing made from fiberglass material. In fact, he’s so confident in his idea that the 18-year-old plans on living in it for a year to test it out himself.

Currently an engineering student at Western University, Zebian was concerned by both the rising population of the unhoused in his community and the rising cost of housing overall. With that in mind, he conjured up a blueprint for a modular home that would help address both problems.


Zebian’s version of a modular home would be made of fiberglass panels and thermoplastic polyethylene terephthalate (PET) foam. He chose those materials because he believes they can make a sturdy dwelling in a short amount of time—specifically in just a single day.

“With fiberglass you can make extravagant molds, and you can replicate those,” Zebian told CTV News. “It can be duplicated. And for our roofing system, we’re not using the traditional truss method. We’re using actually an insulated core PET foam that supports the structure and structural integrity of the roof.”

Zebian also believes these homes don’t have to be purely utilitarian—they can also offer attractive design and customizable features to make them personal and appealing.

“Essentially, what I’m trying to do is bring a home to the public that could be built in one day, is affordable, and still carries some architecturally striking features,” he said to the London Free Press. “We don’t want to be bringing a house to Canadians that is just boxy and that not much thought was put into it.”

Beginning in May 2026, Zebian is putting his modular home prototype to the test by living inside of a unit for a full year with the hope of working out any and all kinks before approaching manufacturers.

“We want to see if we can make it through all four seasons- summer, winter, spring, and fall,” said Zebian. “But that’s not the only thing. When you live in something that long and use it, you can notice every single mistake and error, and you can optimize for the best experience.”

While Zebian knows that his modular homes aren't a long-term solution to either the homeless or housing crisis, he believes they could provide an inexpensive option to help people get the shelter they need until certain policies are reformed so the unhoused can find affordable permanent dwellings.

@hard.knock.gospel

What to buy for the homeless at the grocery store. 🛒 Most people get it wrong. After being there myself, these are the survival items that actually matter 💯 The 2nd to last one is about more than survival—it’s about DIGNITY. We are all one circumstance away from the same shoes 🙏 SAVE this for your next grocery run. 📌 IG@hardknockgospel Substack@ Outsiders_Anonymous #homelessness #helpingothers #kindness #payitforward #learnontiktok

Zebian’s proposal and experiment definitely inspires others to try to help, too. If you wish to lend a hand to the unhoused community in your area in the United States, but don’t know where to look, you can find a homeless shelter or charity near you through here. Whether it’s through volunteering or through a donation, you can help make a difference.

mailman paycheck, mail carriers pay, job market, job hunting, mailman shares check, pay transparency, jobs, economy

Mailman reveals his massive paycheck to recruit others.

No matter how often we encounter them, people often overlook the "people in our neighborhood," as Mister Rogers would call them. Their presence is so common that we don't always notice them until they're gone for a day or two. These are people like school bus drivers, sanitation workers, delivery drivers, and postal workers. Of course, people know they exist and that they do a job, but because their presence is in the background of daily life, we may not give their jobs much thought.

There's the thought that "someone has to do it" when it comes to the service they provide, but sometimes that "someone" is you. Or at least it could be you, especially after hearing how much one of those jobs pays. It's a common misconception that work like sanitation or postal service is menial and low-paying, but the truth is that this essential work can be quite lucrative in the right circumstances.


A U.S.P.S. mailman shared his paycheck on social media to help recruit more mail carriers.

The post office continues to have a shortage of mail carriers in certain areas, especially in rural settings. This shortage causes delays in receiving mail and longer hours for current mail carriers. While the post office has been working to fill gaps by increasing hiring, it still isn't enough, given the large number of USPS workers nearing retirement. It seems to be a constant struggle to keep an adequate number of mail carriers throughout the areas that need them most.

mailman paycheck, mail carriers pay, job market, job hunting, mailman shares check, pay transparency, jobs, economy The pay is good and you get to drive this sweet truck around!Photo by Joel Moysuh on Unsplash

One barrier to people applying to the Postal Service may be that they don't realize the Postal Service is hiring, since some people may see mail carriers as background characters.

Another concern may be whether people can earn a livable wage working for the post office, but Lukas' video can help fill in the blanks.

In response to viewers who don't believe he actually makes six figures, the Missouri mailman and TikTok creator shares a screenshot of his paycheck showing he brings home $4,423.09 every other week, which averages out to just over $100K a year.

Being fully transparent, Lukas shares that his paycheck includes 23 hours of overtime because he has to work extra hours due to being short-staffed.


How much do U.S. postal workers make?

"On one of my previous videos, somebody said, 'prove it' on one of my checks, so here's one of my last checks. As you can see, the overtime hours, plus my normal pay all equals up to $4,423...so, and that's for two weeks of work. I'm working too much, but if you were to multiply that by 26 weeks, that's over $100,000. We need help, and the post office pays well," he says.

Lukas repeatedly states in his video that the post office is hiring and needs help desperately, but comments were mixed on whether working at the post office was a good move.


@lukasthegiant

We're Hiring and Yes, We Pay Well. In some cases, over 100k!#greenscreen #werehiring #paidwell #tallestmailman #needhelp #getpaid #100k #usps #apply

"I mean he’s technically making 25.00 hourly and $38 for each hour of OT. You’re forgetting the minimum wage in majority of states is 7.25," one person writes.

"Post office is recession-proof. Been there 30 years," another commenter shares.

Someone else chimes in, "been working at the post office for 5 years just made regular. it is not easy when you start but once you know how to do it it's a BREEZE."

mail, usps, mailbox, letter, mailman, letter carrier, express mail Three USPS boxes. via Canva/Photos

A former postal worker reveals, "I worked there 6 years and had no life. Worked 12 + hrs for 7 days a week. I wasted most of my 20s working. NO THANK YOU!!!!, before adding. "When I started years ago it was $15 an hr when I left it was $25."

To be fair, while Lukas is doing well for himself (and working quite hard for the money), many mail carrier shortages are partly due to wages that don't cover the cost of living in certain areas. So there's definitely room for improvement, and the American Postal Workers Union is fighting for higher pay and better hours all the time.

What's the average USPS mail carrier salary?

According to Glassdoor, the median pay for a USPS mail carrier is $66,000 a year, with an average range of $55,000 to $81,000, and that's before overtime. In addition, they receive generous benefits, including health, dental, and vision insurance; flexible spending accounts; long-term care insurance; a retirement package; up to 15 days of leave; and 11 Postal Service holidays.

The post office seems to be much like any other job. Some people have a great experience working there, while others do not, but if someone is looking for a chance at a new career with retirement benefits, USPS could be a place to land.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

kids, children, child prodigies, parenting, dads, painting, art, artists, creativity, family
Unsplash & bruncvik/reddit
A dad posted his 5-year-old's paintings online and couldn't believe the huge response

One of the toughest things about being a parent has to be helping your child discover and nurture their talents. You seek to encourage them to try new things without overwhelming them. You want them busy with lots of enriching activities but not so busy they don't have time to just be a kid. And when you do stumble on something they have a knack for, you tread lightly, wanting to give them every opportunity to pursue it without pushing too hard.

It's a really tricky balance to get right. Maybe that's why we're so fascinated with child prodigies, or even just talented kids whose parents have done a bang-up job of giving them the space and encouragement to explore their creativity.


Joseph, a dad from Dublin, Ireland says he started drawing and painting in the evenings about a year ago to help him unwind from work. It's a great idea, because adult coloring has been shown to have a ton of positive mental health effects. Plus, it's fun! But one unintended and adorable side effect of Joseph's coloring was that his young son, Philip, decided he wanted to emulate him.

Philip had always loved coloring but, Joseph says, "I had to get him some pastels, and he started trying on the same drawings as I did," Joseph says. "I found it absolutely adorable when he was seriously repeating the same movements as me: cleaning the tips of the pastels, blend the edges of colors, etc."

One thing quickly became apparent: Philip was much, much better than his old man.

Last year, he made a painting that was so good he couldn't resist sharing it on Reddit. Within two days, it generated over 100,000 views and 3000 likes."

The overwhelming response? "Uh, 5-year-olds can't do that."

Have a look and see for yourself. Not bad, eh?

kids, children, child prodigies, parenting, dads, painting, art, artists, creativity, family Philip painted this blue mountain lake piece with help from a YouTube tutorial. bruncvik/reddit

The first piece Philip shared is wildly impressive. Some commenters couldn't believe that a 5-year-old could have made it, but I think you can see it pretty clearly. It has just enough childlike crudeness, but the stylistic flair is just off the charts, from the whispy sky to the slightly foreboding trees. Redditors agreed that it was incredible.

"Thats better than I can do now at 25," one Reddit user wrote.

Others questioned whether the boy might be related to Bob Ross.

"I told [Philip] about it, and I guess that was his first big dopamine hit," Joseph says of going viral. "Since then, he is asking to draw more often, and there's often an intrinsic reward for him. One painting got submitted to a charity auction at his school ... I don't pressure him to draw; he's coming to me to ask whether he can use my pastels"

One critical part of the story is that Philip often follows along with YouTube videos that his dad finds for him. Lest you think this should diminish how impressive the painting is, quite the contrary. As someone with an almost-5-year-old of my own, I've seen the kind of stuff kids this age are capable of drawing — and it's not this! No matter how much instruction they have.

The structured YouTube videos were able to unlock Philip's natural talent and guide him in a way that his dad never could.

Here's the finished painting he was following along with. Honestly? I like Philip's better! It has a lot more personality.


kids, children, child prodigies, parenting, dads, painting, art, artists, creativity, family Here's what the painting was "supposed" to look like. She'z ART/YouTube

The response to Philip's first painting was so positive that his dad decided to post another piece.

You gotta give the people what they want!

I love this one, too. The youngster's talent is on display again, with an excellent color palette and aggressive strokes giving it life. Remember — the kid is five years old! Five! Usually they can barely muster a convincing stick figure.


kids, children, child prodigies, parenting, dads, painting, art, artists, creativity, family I love this haunting purple and orange piece Philip painted! bruncvik/reddit

And again, here's the model painting from YouTube. Joseph said his own versions of these paint-alongs come out looking a lot like the example, but that his son has an incredible way of making them his own.

As you might expect from a 5-year-old, the brush strokes are a little more crude and dramatic — but they're purposeful, as well! Philip's renditions have a lot of energy and seem to leap off the page.

But what do I know? I'm no art critic. However, the huge social media response definitely shows that Philip is onto something here.

kids, children, child prodigies, parenting, dads, painting, art, artists, creativity, family A YouTube tutorial of a sunset river helped Philip learn to paint the scene. She'z ART/YouTube

Philip's dad gives a lot of thought to the right way to nurture his son's talent without pushing too hard and snuffing it out.

"He attended an afterschool art club, where they experimented with different media, but he found it too restrictive. He is still bringing home new art at least twice per week, but it's something he does on his own," dad says, not sure if pushing his son into formal art instruction is the right thing to do.

Experts say that pushing too hard when your kid shows a flair for something, especially regarding longterm goals (like going to art school or becoming a professional artist one day), can backfire big time and make them feel overwhelmed and resentful.

Believe it or not, the process of nurturing and teaching starts super early. Art teachers and experts agree that how you react to something as simple as your toddler's nonsensical scribbles can have a big impact on their self-esteem and enjoyment of making art.

@susanstrikeryoungatart

Scribbles provide an important opportunity to talk to your toddler, provide vocabulary, and promote literacy! #reading #readiness #scribbles #Vocabulary #todddler #art #kidsart #childrensart #childrenspainting #goodartprojects #teachingontiktok #criticalthinking #fypシ #fypage #teachingart #artlessons

Heidi Hass Gable, a former gifted child, says in a TedX talk that prodigies and brilliantly talented children can be extremely sensitive.

They often have to suppress their talents in a desire to fit in with all the other kids. That makes raising them and nurturing that talent a delicate high-wire act. Experts recommend making sure gifted kids get lots of downtime and to not place too much emphasis on achievements like grades, awards, contest wins, etc. Praise the hard work and the process but try to help them avoid attaching their self-worth to external validation.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Joseph finds lots of subtle ways to encourage his son's interest.

"One thing I do with him, though, is to talk about painting when we are out and about. Last weekend, we went to watch the sunset, and I asked him what colors he'd use for the clouds. ... Philip is just as obsessed with different shades (his current favorite word is 'vermilion' and his favorite color is 'turquoise'), and how they mix."

Being the parent of a talented or gifted kid is no easy job. There are a lot of pitfalls and plenty of ways to bungle your attempts to nurture that talent. As impressive as Philip's artwork is, especially for his age, the thoughtful parenting on display in this story is just as awesome.

This article originally appeared in January. It has been updated.