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upworthy

portland oregon

Identity

A woman hit on a gay man in a parking lot and the misunderstanding is so heartwarming

The enouncter was special for both of them but for different reasons.

Tifanie Mayberry and David Frazier discuss their chance encounter.

Usually, when you read a story about people being confronted in a grocery store parking lot, it's bad news. But not this time. Back in November of 2023, Portland, Oregon-based photographer David Frazier had an uplifting experience in the parking lot of a New Seasons market after being approached by a female admirer.

He later told the story on TikTok in a video that received over 3.4 million views.

While making a quick run to the store, Frazier parked next to a woman driving a Tesla. He noticed she was eating, hanging around and “vibing,” so he flashed her a smile and went into the store, where he picked up a bite to eat.


Upon returning to his car, the woman was still there. She rolled down her window and asked Frazier, “Hey, are you single?” Frazier was taken aback by the question and replied: “Sadly, yes, I am. Um, also very gay, though.”

@wowrealneat

Dear New Seasons Parking Lot Girl, you’re so cool and ily ❤️ #fyp #portland #parkinglot #xoxo

He told the woman he was flattered and that asking never hurts. "You're just so handsome," she replied. Frazier returned the compliment, calling her "pretty," and the two shared a laugh and went their separate ways.

But the interaction stuck with Frazier. He thought it took real "guts" to tell a stranger you think they're attractive. He also felt that it was "kind" and "flattering" for her to compliment him. "She seemed like such a genuine and kind and earnest" and "cool" person, he said in the video.

He hoped the TikTok video he made would eventually reach her somehow. “You have uplifted me in a way that I didn’t know I needed, and it made me feel amazing, and I just wanted to say thank you and I hope you have such an incredible weekend,” Frazier told the woman through his post.

He also invited her to get a “friend coffee.”

Five weeks after Frazier posted the video, it successfully reached its intended audience of one. It was seen by Tifanie Mayberry, the woman driving the Tesla. She shared a reaction video where she watched Frazier’s original post. The video received over 11 million views.

@tifaniemayberry

#duet with @David #fyp WOW!! Never expected for this to come back around like this. OMG. The internet is internetting and I LOVE it!!

Mayberry followed the reaction video up with another, explaining that her behavior in the parking lot that day was a perfect example of where she is in life. She’s 35, single and ready to settle down and have kids. If that means she has to be a little forward in approaching men, so be it.

"So what you're witnessing is me just being like no BS and being 'like okay if I see me a good one, I just like to lasso them, and reel 'em in’ and be like 'Hey, I'm interested,' and that's just kind of where I am in life. And apparently, this one got back to me in a very unexpected way,” she said.

Mayberry added that she has yet to speak with Frazier but is looking forward to meeting him. She hopes that one day he’ll even make it to her wedding.

@tifaniemayberry

Well its been a very funny ending to 2023, and I have to say it ended things on such a great note for me 🥹❤️✨ Thanks TikTok!! @David - Coffee in the New Year?!

This article originally appeared on 1.5.24

Whiteness is very much a thing. That much we know.

GIF via Snuggie.


But whiteness is not simply "being white." Whiteness refers to the often invisible yet elaborate and pervasive system of privilege afforded to white people in our country and much of the world. Those with privilege, whether they want to or not, receive advantages and decision-making power in the media, private sector, judicial system, and policymaking. The idea of whiteness is ingrained in our systems and ways of thinking, and it has numerous cultural, economic, and legal consequences.

As far as cities go, it doesn't get much whiter than Portland, Oregon.

Photo by iStock.

As a new resident of Portland, I've quickly learned it's much more than brunch, beer, and bikes. Portland is home to great soccer, delicious food, and so, so, so many white people.

In fact, 76% of Portland is white, making Portland the whitest big city in the United States.

That's why for the first time ever, Portland Community College is offering a Whiteness History Month.

Developed by a subcommittee of the PCC Cascade Campus Diversity Council, the project, officially titled Whiteness History Month: Context, Consequences, and Change, is a month of programs and events to explore the origins of whiteness and its impact on the campus community and culture.

To be clear, Whiteness History Month is not a celebration of white power and privilege, nor is it Black History Month for white people.

The goal of Whiteness History Month is not to open old wounds or point fingers for the heck of it. Instead, the goal of the project is to develop new solutions to societal and community problems that are born of racism and privilege.

Big problems like over-policing, and small problems like the fact that when I went looking for a stock photo of a "college classroom" the first photo that came up was literally all white students:

Photo by iStock.

PCC's planning committee is currently soliciting programming ideas from students, faculty, and the community for the month-long event.

PCC is Oregon's largest post-secondary educational institution, serving over 90,000 students across four campuses and eight specialized centers. Programming for Whiteness History Month, to be held this April, will take place at all four campuses and may include discussions, lectures, films, presentations, artwork, and even plays.

It's all in an effort to spark dialogue, improve campus climate, promote student retention, and build partnerships in the community.

"Join us! When they're not shooting at us, it's fun over here." Photo by iStock.

Though the goals are admirable, some are calling the month-long diversity initiative "white-shaming."

GIF via Erykah Badu's "On & On."

And sadly, those voices are missing the point.

Whiteness History Month is not an attempt to shame white people for colonialism, racism, or even having privilege.

It is, however, an effort to get a very important conversation happening — one that is often derailed because we have difficulty talking about race or prefer to advocate for "colorblindness."

But when unarmed black people, even children, are gunned down by the police; when black people continue to die in jail cells under suspicious circumstances; when applicants with "ethnic-sounding" names are less likely to get job interviews; when being black is akin to having a credit score 71 points lower in the eyes of mortgage lenders; when transgender women of color are murdered at an alarming rate; when not one person of color is nominated for an acting Academy Award; when people in the 21st century are still dressing in black face; when protestors have to block shoppers and travelers to get people to pay attention to their messages; when I wake up every day as a woman of color hoping my name's not a hashtag by sundown, maybe, just maybe there's a problem here.

We can't fix racism until we can talk about how going through life with white skin is different from going through life with dark skin, and Whiteness History Month seeks to open the doors to exploring those differences so that we can at least have those conversations.

Demonstrators marching for an end to gun violence and the resignation of Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel. Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images.

Racism is in our neighborhoods, our courtrooms, our boardrooms. Much of it stems from whiteness and the inequality it creates and perpetuates, knowingly or not. We're not going to be able to tackle those problems until we acknowledge that the system isn't set up for everyone to get a fair shot.

As #BlackLivesMatter activist DeRay Mckesson suggests, those with privilege need to acknowledge it exists and use it to signal boost voices that too often go unheard.

While the name could use some work, Whiteness History Month has the potential to raise awareness of this important issue.

Portland Community College, a major employer and place of higher learning for the Pacific Northwest, deserves applause for taking bold steps to address the problem of racism and oppression in the campus community.

Real change isn't going to happen until we have some tough conversations and begin working together.

This inaugural event may not bring an end to all racism everywhere (that's a very tall order) but it's a much needed start.

A woman holds a sign with a quote from MLK during a march on Martin Luther King Jr. Day in St. Louis, Missouri. Photo by Michael B. Thomas/AFP/Getty Images.