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Grandparents should absolutely spoil their grandkids, but with a few important boundaries

1. Don't undermine your kids' parental authority.

teen and older woman dancing together
Photo by Anastasia Shuraeva/Pexels

Grandparent bonds should be nurtured with healthy boundaries.

People who become grandparents often say the experience is nearly as joyous as having their own kids. And in some ways, it's better. Grandparents get to have all the fun and delight of children without all the work. Many grandparents look forward to "spoiling" their grandkids with lots of love and affection, special outings and experiences, sweets and gifts and then handing them back to their parents for the actual parenting part.

Parents, too, often look forward to the kids spending time with their grandparents, not only to have a little break but to allow them to build relationships. However, there can be some habits some grandparents fall into that cause unnecessary tension in the family. It's not a bad thing to "spoil" a kid grandparent-style, but there are some healthy boundaries the grands need to keep in mind to maintain family unity and ensure that kids aren't literally being spoiled.

Every family dynamic is different and there are countless individual circumstances that play into what spoiling looks like, but here are three main boundaries that all grandparents should keep in mind as they love on their children's children:

1. Don't undermine parental authority

Parenting is hard, as every grandparent (theoretically) knows. Trying to raise individual kids with different personalities into healthy, happy, contributing adults while not losing your mind takes a lot of thought and effort. Rules are a part of that. Every set of parents creates rules based on their own beliefs about what's best; not everyone will always agree with them, but parents have the right to set rules.

Grandparents spoiling their grandkids might occasionally involve some slight rule-bending (two scoops of ice cream instead of one, for instance) but it should never entail blatantly going against a parent's authority. If a parent says their kid isn't allowed to watch something, don't let them watch it in the name of grandparent spoiling. If a parent requires a child to wear a helmet to ride their tricycle, that same rule needs to be enforced at Grandma and Grampa's. Inconsistency in rules, especially ones kids have been told are for their safety and well-being, can be confusing.

It might help to have an upfront discussion about what hard and fast rules parents have in place so that grandparents don't accidentally undermine them. And definitely don't do the "I know your parents don't let you do this, but I will" thing, telling them it's okay to break their parents' rules. Just smile wisely as you add some extra ice cream to their bowl.

2. Don't forget to say no sometimes.

One of the most fun parts of being a grandparent is having the freedom (and perhaps the means) to say yes a lot. But that doesn't mean you should always say yes to any requests your grandchildren make.

Kids actually do want some boundaries, no matter how much of a fuss they may make about them. Saying no sometimes lets your grandchildren know that you care enough about them to offer thoughtful limits and that you yourself have some boundaries they need to respect. It doesn't have to be a mean or grumpy "no," but it's good to not give every wish and desire a green light. Sometimes you simply have to say no because something isn't feasible, but even the occasional "No, Grandpa needs a break from that game" or "No, we've had too much sugar today already" sends the message that not every whim is worth indulging.

3. Don't compete with the other set of grandparents

It's not unusual for children to have grandparents on both of their parents' sides, especially when they're young. Unfortunately, in some families, a competitive dynamic can emerge in which one side strives to be the "favorite." This can lead to overdoing the spoiling as well as making kids feel like they're being pitted against one side of their family. It can also fuel resentment or jealousy among family members, which isn't fun for anyone.

There's no need to one-up the other grandparents by trying to be more fun or more generous or more indulgent. Just be the best version of a grandparent you can be, and encourage the kids to enjoy spending time with all of their elders while they're still around.

Being a grandparent is a privilege, and if you get to that stage you've earned the right to spoil your grandkids a bit. Just do so with these boundaries in mind so you can enjoy the joy and wonder of grandparenting with everyone's blessing.

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Sweden makes stunning decision to trademark its name to avoid confusion

The country is taking historic steps to fix the problem.

via Visit Sweden (used with permission)

A Swedish woman taking things into her own hands.

True

Sweden has existed for over 1,000 years, but travelers across the globe are confused because other places, inspired by the country’s untouched beauty and joyously inclusive culture, have taken its name.

Seven other places in the world call themselves Sweden, so to distinguish itself from the name-alikes, the Kingdom of Sweden is taking a bold, historic step that no country has before. It’s become the first to apply to trademark its name with the European Union Intellectual Property Office.

Visit Sweden likens the country’s problem to a luxury brand that has to contend with dupes, knockoffs, or bootlegs that fall short of the glory of the genuine article.

“It’s flattering that other places want to be called Sweden, but let’s be honest, there should only be one. Our Sweden. The one with the Northern Lights, endless forests, and the world’s best flat-pack furniture,” says Susanne Andersson, CEO at Visit Sweden.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

By trademarking its name, Sweden will make things much less confusing for travelers worldwide. It’d be a shame for someone looking to visit Sweden’s majestic Lapland to mistakenly wind up in a place with no reindeer, Aurora Borealis, or cloudberries to be found.

The world-class research team at Visit Sweden knew it had to act when it realized that other destinations with the same name had tripped up travelers. People looking to vacation in Portland, Oregon, have accidentally wound up in Portland, Maine. Travelers yearning to experience the fall in Manchester, New Hampshire, have been deplaning in Manchester, England. “It happens more than you think!” the researchers admitted.


sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation The Northern Lights in Sweden. via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Jann Lipka/imagebank.sweden.se

The E.U. Intellectual Property Office must act swiftly and allow Sweden to trademark its name so that travelers worldwide don’t miss the opportunity to experience an utterly unique country known for its serene landscapes, commitment to deep relaxation and personal freedom.

No one should ever miss out on staying on one of Sweden’s 267,570 islands, more than any other country. The Swedish archipelagos offer luxurious glamping, peaceful hikes, tranquil solitude and awe-inspiring, pristine nature.

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation A woman camping in the Swedish archipelago.via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Anders Klapp/imagebank.sweden.se


Sweden is a beautiful place to visit all year round, with bright summers, colorful falls, vibrant springs and dark, crisp winters. It is also a place to delight your tastebuds with a cuisine centered on healthy, locally sourced produce, with some preparation methods dating back to the Viking era.

The original Sweden is a place where one can relish Old World European history while also enjoying the modern pleasures of the most progressive countries in the world. Travelers can be whisked back into history by visiting the Naval Port of Karlskona, a well-preserved European naval town from 1680. Or, enjoy cutting-edge design, delicacies, art, music and culture in hip metropolitan destinations such as Stockholm or Sweden’s “coolest city,” Gothenburg.

Did we mention Sweden has an ABBA museum? Wait till the other 7 Swedens find out about that.

As you can see, Sweden is an incredibly unique destination that cannot be duplicated. It would be a tragedy for anyone intending to visit the original Sweden to mistakenly find themselves in a name-alike place that lacks its Scandinavian charm. You can do your part to stop the confusion by signing a petition to let Sweden trademark Sweden at Visit Sweden (the original).

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation A Swedish Midsommar celebration. via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Stefan Berg/Folio/imagebank.sweden.se

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Woman who was pressured to quit her job to raise stepdaughter's baby makes a bold decision

This sparked an important conversation about family responsibility.

via Pixabay

When parents can't step up, should grandparents step in?

A story that recently went viral on Reddit’s AITA forum asks an important question: What is a parent’s role in taking care of their grandchildren? The story is even further complicated because the woman at the center of the controversy is a stepparent.

At the time of writing her post, the woman, 38, met her husband Sam, 47, ten years ago, when his daughter, Leah, 25, was 15. The couple married five years ago after Leah had moved out to go to college.

Leah’s mom passed away when she was 10.

When Leah became pregnant she wanted to keep the baby, but her boyfriend didn’t. After the disagreement, the boyfriend broke up with her. This forced Leah to move back home because she couldn’t afford to be a single parent and live alone on a teacher’s salary.

Leah’s story is familiar to many young mothers facing similar difficulties.

The father isn’t involved in the baby’s life as a caretaker or financially. Sadly, research shows that 33% of all children in the U.S. are born without their biological fathers living in the home.

a young mother holds her baby

Single motherhood comes with unique hardships.

via Alexander Grey/Unsplash

The new mother is a teacher and can’t afford to live on her own with a child. In 2019, a study found that out the top 50 U.S. cities, Pittsburgh is the only one where a new teacher could afford rent.

Today, Portland, OR has joined the very short list of cities where an "average teacher can afford 91.3% of apartments within community distance of their school" according to a recent study.

The stressors of taking care of the baby made Leah realize she needed help.

“But once she had the baby around 4 months back, Leah seemed to realize having a baby is not the sunshine and rainbows she thought it was,” the woman wrote on Reddit. “She barely got any sleep during the last four months. All the while Sam was helping her with the baby while I did almost all chores myself.”

“Now her leave is ending. She did not want to leave the baby at daycare or with a nanny,” the woman continued. “Sam and I both work as well.”

Leah asked her stepmother if she would stay home with the baby. The stepmother said no because she never wanted to have a baby and she has a job. “I asked why Leah can't stay home with the baby herself,” the woman wrote. “She said how she was young and had to build a career. I said many people take breaks to raise kids, and she broke down crying about how she was so tired all the time being a mom and needed something else in her life too.”

A woman holds a newborn baby.

The demands of new motherhood are usually all-encompassing.

via Pixabay

After the woman told her stepdaughter no, her husband pressured her to stay home with the baby. But she refused to give up her job to raise her stepdaughter’s child. “Leah said yesterday how she wished her mom was alive since she would have had her back. She said I didn't love her, and my husband is also mad at me,” the woman wrote. The woman asked the Reddit community if she was in the wrong for “refusing to help my stepdaughter with the baby,” and the community responded with rapturous support.

"[The woman] should tell her husband to knock it off and stop trying to pressure her into raising his daughter’s baby. If he wants a family member to look after her baby while she works, then he can do it," user Heavy_Sand5228 wrote.

"This is Leah's baby that she alone chose to have. That doesn't obligate you to change YOUR life to suit her desires. The whole business of saying you don't love her because you won't quit your job to watch her baby is manipulative and messed up, and I'm shocked your husband is siding with her," user SupremeCourtJust-a** added.

Leah and many women like her are in this situation because, in many places, teachers are underpaid, rent is high, and not all dads pay child support, even those required by law.

Another commenter noted that the baby is much more the father’s responsibility than the stepmother's. "To add, Leah should consider seeking child support from her ex. Her kid should be getting that money," Obiterdicta wrote.

While there are resources to help stepparents connect with their stepchildren and step-grandchildren, it's important to remember that the responsibility to raise a child ultimately rests with the parent(s).

This article originally appeared last year.

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Parents get a wave of support after their family has 'unhinged' reaction to new baby's name

Hope their family was taking notes.

Canva

Unsolicited opinions aren't just annoying. They can be hurtful.

Sure, parents sometimes make an…interesting choice when it comes to naming their child. But the key word there is "choice." It probably goes without saying that it’s not the best move to insert an opinion on something rather personal and vulnerable like a child's name, especially when that opinion is not requested.

But nonetheless, people do cross this boundary, expressing their disapproval and giving new moms and dads yet another reason to second-guess themselves.

As one frustrated mom shared on Reddit, her own in-laws gave what she described as the “most unhinged” reaction to her newborn’s name, leaving her and her husband completely “crushed.”

At first, everything went smoothly.

“I just had a baby this week,” the mom wrote in her post. “We were still in the hospital when we announced her name and got a slew of the usual responses that normal, sane people say when hearing about the name of a baby (‘what a lovely name!’). Because saying anything different is insane, right?”

But when her husband texted his side of the family to share their newborn daughter’s name, all hell broke loose.

Mind you, these parents didn’t name their child Watermelon Gumdrop or Fern Gully or something else truly out there. The name they chose, which caused them a lot of unnecessary grief, was Rosa.

Not only does Rosa (the Spanish word for “rose”) sound lovely, it carries all poetic meaning symbolized by the flower: hope, love, and courage. What’s not to like?

a photo of a rose

Rosa is a baby girl name of Mexican origin.

Canva

But instead of celebrating their name choice, the mother-in-law apparently responded with, ““No, I don’t really like that name. I much prefer Violet.”

“We were stunned,” the woman continued. “I simply cannot imagine being a family member who’s being INFORMED of a newborn’s name, and thinking you should have input…We LOVE our daughter’s name, and did not want to have our first moments with our daughter marred by this comment.”

But wait, it gets worse.

The husband's family then called several times after their texts were ignored. The following day, the husband’s sister also sent a barrage of texts with “alternatives [that] she prefers.”

Then, when told that the entire family on the mom’s side supported the name, the mother-in-law laughed and said, “They must not have good taste—nobody here likes it. Nobody.”

Now, this next part really shows the effect this appalling behavior had on the new parents:

“We are sleep deprived. Coming down from an emotional high, during which our daughter was in NICU and I almost needed a blood transfusion because of how much blood I lost. My husband, so stoic and assured, is f**king crushed. I’m FUMING. I will NEVER forget how they made my husband feel during one of the most vulnerable and special times in his life,” the mom wrote.

Most Unhinged Reaction To Naming Your Child?
byu/UWhatMate innamenerds

People who read this woman’s story were “livid” on her behalf, and rallied to give her some long overdue support.

“What on earth is wrong with Rosa???? It’s a beautiful name!! Tell your mother-in-law she is ridiculous and she can shut up immediately, if not sooner,” one person commented.

Another pointed to how truly ridiculous this situation was, writing, “The name is ROSA? I thought from reading this that it was at least going to be a controversial name. Rosa is beautiful. Even if it’s not your cup of tea, it’s hard to find anything wrong with it. OP should take this as the sign it is and reevaluate their individual relationships with that side of the family.”

Several even suggested going into little-to-no-contact mode with that side of the family, since odds are they wouldn’t prove any more helpful in the stressful postpartum days to come.

“Tell her she doesn’t need to meet baby if she is so insistent on the name being changed,” one person commented.

Sadly, sometimes stronger boundaries must be established with those who will not respect more lenient ones, especially when it comes to family members—and especially when it comes to parents trying to raise their kids in the most healthy environment possible. Hopefully these parents were able to move forward and enjoy welcoming little Rosa into the world.


This article originally appeared last year.

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Star neuroscientist Andrew Huberman breaks down two simple exercises to improve vision

The eyes are muscles like any other and need both stimulation and relaxation.

Canva

Treat the eyes like a muscle. Give them exercise and relaxation.

We spend a lot of time looking at things up close, particularly our screens. For many of us, it’s the first thing we look at in the morning, the last thing we look at before going to sleep, and the thing we look at most during all those hours in between. According to a study commissioned by Vision Direct, the average American will spend 44 years looking at a screen. You read that right. Over. Four. Decades.

Really, it’s no wonder that eyesight has worsened. Experts have declared that myopia, aka nearsightedness, has grown to an epidemic level. In addition, we suffer more headaches and migraines, get poor sleep, and tend to feel more fatigued.

Luckily, there are a few things we can do to help, whether we boast 20/20 vision or are already constantly squinting.

Neuroscientist Andrew Huberman, well known for his podcast “Huberman Lab,” breaks down all kinds of science-based life hacks for health, wellness, and fitness.

In addition to studying the brain, one of Huberman’s main research topics is vision. In a video, Huberman shares two simple exercises that can dramatically help improve eyesight.

First and foremost, we need to allow our vision to relax.

You can’t do this just by looking up from your computer screen. Instead, Huberman suggests going to a window and looking out at a point in the distance. Ideally, you would open the window because windows filter out a lot of the blue light and sunlight that you want during the daytime. Better yet, go to a balcony, relax your eyes, and look out at the horizon. This allows the eyes to relax and go into panoramic vision, relieving stress and fatigue.

According to Huberman, you should be doing some kind of relaxation of the eyes, face, and jaw for every 30 minutes of focused work—which works out to at least every 90 minutes.

Second, stimulate the eyes by focusing on motion.

Smooth pursuit is our natural ability to track individual objects moving through space. You can train or improve your vision simply by stimulating this mechanism. To do this, Huberman suggests taking a few minutes each day or every three days to visually track a ball. Or, get outside and watch objects move around. Think swooping birds, falling leaves, etc. If you couldn’t tell, Huberman is a big proponent of going outside.

Bottom line: Our eyes are muscles. Just like our biceps, they need stimulation and relaxation, and while we might not be able to get this kind of nourishment from our tiny screens, nature provides.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Mom shares the hard truth about men who want kids versus those who want to be fathers

There's a huge difference between the two.

via Canva/Photos

A lazy dad versus an attentive father.

Many men say they want kids, but does that mean they also want to take on the full responsibilities of being a father? That’s the big question at the crux of a recent viral TikTok post that everyone who wants kids with a man should consider. The question has traditionally been, “Does he want kids?” but Abby Eckel thinks we must dig deeper.

Abby Eckel is a social media influencer and blogger who discusses women’s rights, focusing on equal division of labor in the home. In her video, she breaks down the differences between the 2 types of men. “Men are taught to want kids, but not how to be dads. There are lots of men that want to have kids. There are fewer men that want to be dads, and it's really important, as women, that we discern between the two, because they're not the same,” Eckel says.

What’s the difference between being a dad and being a father?

“A man that wants kids, he's thinking legacy. He's thinking caring on the family name, having little mini-me's running around, having kids running around, the milestones, the highlight reel,” Eckel continues. “Very few men though, when they think about, ‘I want to be a father’, are they thinking about the daily grind task, the midnight feedings, the diaper changes, the to and from of the inevitable sports that they'll play.”

@abbyeckel

I cannot emphasize these differences enough.

Eckels question is fundamental because if someone mistakes a man saying “I want kids” with “I want to be a father,” they may unwittingly sign themselves up as the default parent in a relationship. They will have to assume the mental load of parenting because dad fails to take any initiative. In this arrangement, the dad simply becomes someone who plays with the kids on occasion and has to be told what to do. This places the default parent in a position where it’s nearly impossible not to develop some resentment for their spouse.

On the other hand, a man who wants to be a father will be proactive and an equal partner in parenting duties.



Eckel believes that a big reason why some men fail to step up and become fathers is because they weren’t taught to be nurturing as children. “We bombard boys with messages about being providers, protectors. But when's the last time you actually saw a boy being taught how to nurture? How many young male babysitters do you have on your roster? I don't have any. How many little boys do you see walking around with a baby doll, feeding her, changing her diaper?” she asked.

The post resonated with many of Eckel’s followers, who think there are a lot of men out there who aren’t stepping up and taking responsibility. “Same for being married. Do they just want a wife, or do they want to BE a husband,” Dana wrote. “Being a Father and being a Dad are 2 different things. Your father is the person who helped create you, your dad is the man who helped raise you. They're not always the same person,” Izzie added.

“If you really want to see how a family acts, go to any theme park and watch a family of three or more. You can see just how much the mother goes through in a day with the kids while the father eats snacks,” Athena commented.

Ultimately, Eckel says the difference between a dad and a father is someone who takes initiative. “So, before you have kids with a man, watch how they handle responsibility. Do they take initiative on things, or are they always sitting back waiting for you to tell them what to do? Do they notice what needs to be done without being asked?” she explained.

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Nurse sews thoughtful gifts for grieving moms to take home after delivering angel babies

"You make sure she doesn't go home empty handed."

Photo by freestocks on Unsplash
baby's white and black bassinet

Giving birth is one of the sweetest and most transformational life events. But for mothers who deliver angel babies (those who do not make it through delivery or pass shortly after birth), it becomes utterly devastating. To comfort mothers during this heart aching time, a labor and delivery nurse decided to create a comforting gift for grieving mothers to bring home.

"POV: your patient just gained an angel baby 🪽 and you make sure she doesn't go home empty handed," she writes in the video as she cuts baby blankets into the shape of a heart. "So you get to work. Measure out rice the exact birth weight of her angel. And start to make a casing out of her baby blanket."

@thelabornursern

#grief #loss #fetalloss #pregnancy #labordeliverynurses #laboranddelivery #griefandloss #laboranddeliverynurse #nursing #nursesoftiktok #nursetok #nurselife

The camera pans to three bags of dry rice placed on the baby blanket. From there, she begins to sew the blanket that is filled with rice. "Sutures to sew the fabric," she adds, with footage of herself hand-stitching every seam of the blanket. "It's almost ready 🪽 Then we fill the casing with rice, measured to her baby's birth weight so she will always have this to hold onto."

The video ends with a final look at the filled and finished pillow. "Time to give it to her ❤️🪽" she adds.

And the heartfelt gesture received such a positive response from her followers and mothers of angel babies. "as a momma of an angel baby, you are doing so much more than you can ever think by doing this! bless you ❤️," one wrote. Another added, "As a mama who left the hospital without my baby, thank you THANK YOU. I felt so alone leaving the hospital, held my belly the entire ride home then walked into a home full of baby stuff and no baby."

And another angel baby mom shared, "As a stillbirth mama, leaving the hospital without my baby was torture. Having something weighted to hold would have brought comfort. You're so sweet for making this!!! 💗💗"

The aching experience was described by another angel mom in the comments. "My son was stillborn earlier this year. One thing I could have never anticipated was how much my arms literally ached to hold him. Our bodies do not understand our baby died, and we instinctually need something to hold. This is such a beautiful gift," she commented.

The TikTok community expressed interest in donating sewing machines to help her, so she shared an informative video with her followers on how they can donate to their local hospitals' labor and delivery units.

https://www.tiktok.com/@thelabornursern/photo/7435010215562480938 [THIS IS COMING UP AS AN ERROR WHEN I TRY TO INSERT?]

In another video update, she shared with her followers that she purchased a portable sewing machine to streamline the sewing process of the blankets. "I ordered a portable sewing machine to keep in my locker! And a few of my coworkers want to get together once a month and premake these for our unit."

TikTok · thelabornursern

TikTok · thelabornursernwww.tiktok.com

9732 likes, 57 comments. “Replying to @Rachel Wagner”

She added, "So many of you wanted to jump in and donate, and that is faith in humanity restored. Thank you to each and every one from the bottom of my heart."


@thelabornursern

Replying to @Mykal it was my first time using this, and you were right Mykal it is a little difficult to use. it threw me for a loop so ill be practicing until I can do it blind folded

"Here's an update on the portable sewing machine that I got. It actually is really hard to use...it will definitely take some practice, but I'll get it," she says in the voiceover.

The kind gesture by this labor and delivery nurse made a deep impact, spurring angel baby moms to share their stories and the real impact her empathy has created.

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