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Woman's tongue-in-cheek 'Mom Libido 101' intimacy equation has some men seriously upset

"Wife went by that algorithm for 8 months. Our relationship has never been the same, and I resent her every day."

A man is discouraged and a woman does math.

One of the most significant challenges couples face after having kids is that it becomes a lot harder to maintain the same quality and quantity of sex that they had before the little one arrived. There are many reasons for this abrupt lifestyle change. It becomes harder to find time to have sex, privacy is even more elusive, parenting is exhausting, and a lot of times, sleep seems more exciting than being intimate. Adding to that, women go through a lot of physical and hormonal changes after having a child that may affect their libido.

A poll by Leesa found that couples have 47% less sex after having their first child, and that 61% of women and 30% of men reported less desire. Popular TikToker MaddieMu explained the math behind her decision to be intimate in a recent post, and it has some women applauding while many men are angry. Maddie is a mother of two who has "no filter" and claims to be the "mom friend you didn't know you needed until now.”

@maddiemu

hope this helps 🤭😌 #millenialmom #momhumor #honestmom #relatablemomlife

“Here's the basics of the formula: the amount she slept last night, plus how much food she's eaten today sitting down, times the amount of help her partner gave her divided by the annoying f**king comments, minus the number of times she was touched by her children today," Maddie said in her viral TikTok.

The math looks a bit like this: (sleep + food) x (help / annoying comments) - # of touches

Maddie also provided an example where things didn’t work out so well for her husband. “Let's say mom got eight hours of sleep last night, ate three full meals, her partner did pick up, and bath time, but he was really f**king annoying twice," she continued. "Then we have to subtract by the 1 thousand times that she was touched today. Does anyone know what the answer is? Not a f**king chance.”

Some women on TikTok thought they could perfect the equation with a few additions. "Also, don't forget minus 'How many times I've walked past the thing I asked you to take care of a week ago,'" one woman wrote. "Need one more section for the amount of decisions we had to make that day. Then you get definitely not a chance," another added.

Men were angry about the intimacy equation

On Instagram, there was a massive backlash from men who didn’t understand she was having fun at her husband's expense. "What if the partner did the dishes, fed the dogs, played with the kids, and took the kids away on a walk? Then also worked 8 hours making the sole income for the family and did all this while being kind to his wife, but she was still ungrateful," a man wrote on Instagram. "Wife went by that algorithm for 8 months. Our relationship has never been the same, and I resent her every day," another added.

 sex, relationships, sex and marriage, intimacy, teacher, couple in bed A woman rejecting her husband.via Canva/Photos

Ultimately, even though Maddie appears to be having fun by turning her carnal instincts into a math equation, within the joke, there is a kernel of truth. A lot of women have been relegated to the role of default parent, which forces them to take the brunt of the physical and mental load of raising a family. A significant part of Maddie’s intimacy equation was “the amount of help her partner gave her,” which makes a simple yet important point. When people feel energized and supported by their partners, they’re much more likely to be excited by them in the bedroom.

His message is making so many SAHMS feel seen.

Stay-at-home moms work round the clock performing myriad duties, both physically and emotionally demanding, all for zero compensation. But even more dismaying than the lack of monetary gain is the lack of recognition these full-time moms get for what they accomplish day in and day out.

That’s where Donald Schaefer comes in. Schaefer, a man who seems to be upwards of 80 and living in Florida, is a bit of an unexpected influencer in the mom corner of social media. But nonetheless, his Instagram and TikTok are full of videos meant to offer financial tips, recipe ideas and emotional support specifically for this demographic.

One video in particular is making stay-at-home moms, aka SAHMs, feel so seen.

In his “special message to stay-at-home moms,” Schaefer offers SAHMS the rare gift of being told what an “incredible job” they’re doing, saying that their “dedication, hard work and love are the cornerstones of your family’s well being.”

Watching his daughters and granddaughters with kids, Schaefer says that he’s “amazed” at what accomplished every day, and because of that, he was inspired to remind all SAHMS that “what you’re doing matters immensely.”

“Sometimes in the midst of the chaos of daily routines and endless chores it’s easy to forget how important your role is, but every meal cooked, every scraped knee kissed, every bedtime story read, it all adds up to shaping the future generation,” he said.

 
 @magicman1942 Special message for the stay at home moms. #stayathomemom #personalgrowth #inspiration #stayathomemomstruggle #workingmom #personal ♬ original sound - Don 
 
 

Schaefer went on to say that it’s “perfectly normal” to get overwhelmed or exhausted with all the responsibilities and isolation that come with the job. That’s what makes self care so necessary.

“Whether it’s stealing a few moments for yourself during nap time, indulging in a hobby you love, or simply just taking a relaxing bath at the end of the day if you can find the time. Prioritize your well being,” he urged.

He then encouraged SAHMs to carve out moments to celebrate the small victories and appreciate the joys of motherhood, whether that looks like “a successful day of homeschooling” or “simply seeing your little one smile.”

Finally, Schaefer brought it all home by reiterating that even if it doesn't always feel like it, a SAHM’s value is “immeasurable.”

“Trust me. You are the heart and soul of your family and your efforts create a warm and nurturing environment where everyone can thrive. Keep shining your light and know that you are appreciated, loved and admired more than you’ll ever know. You’re doing an amazing job, and the world is a better place because of you,” he concluded.

Understandably, viewers were moved.

“Made me tear up!! What man takes the time to encourage moms? None I’ve known. Thank you,” one person wrote.

“This definitely made me cry,” another echoed. “Thank you for such kind words and taking the time to make this video. It touched my heart so much.”

One commented, “I’m not even a SAHM, and I still felt this! ALL moms can relate I think…thank you sir!”

And still, another simply wrote, “Needed this.”

For every SAHM (or any stay-at-home parent, for that matter) may these kind words help bolster your spirit, and remind you that what you do is important indeed. You deserve that, and so much more.

For more of Schaefer's content, find him on Instagram and TikTok.


This article originally appeared last year.

If you don't know what the "default parent" it is, it probably isn't you.

Kids, man. I'm not sure of the scientific way audacity is distributed, but kids have a lot of it and somehow manage to make it cute. That audacity overload is especially interesting when you're the default parent—you know, the parent kids go to for literally everything as if there's not another fully capable adult in the house. Chances are if your children haven't sought you out while you were taking a shower so you could open up a pack of fruit snacks, then you're not the default parental unit.

One parent captured exactly what it's like to be the default parent and shared it to TikTok, where the video has over 4 million views. Toniann Marchese went on a quick grocery run and *gasp* did not inform her children. Don't fret though, they're modern kids who know how to use modern means to get much-needed answers when mom is nowhere to be found. They went outside and rang the doorbell.

Back when we were children, this would've done nothing but make the dogs bark, but for Marchese's kids, who are 3 and 6 years old, it's as good as a phone call.


You may be questioning why this mom left her two young children home alone. She didn't. Their father was home, likely wondering why the children were playing so quietly. But. He. Was. Right. There. And the kids still bypassed him to talk to their mom through the Ring doorbell camera. It was pressing business, after all.

"My tablet is dead," the 3-year-old said.

The kids ignored Marchese's questions about where their dad was and continued to complain about their tablets. The entire situation is enough to make any default parent chuckle and maybe sob a little.

Watch the urgent doorbell call below:

@tinyann22

Moms can never get a minute of peace lol #momsoftiktok #momlife #ring #camera #kidsoftiktok

And if you're skeptical that dad was within shouting distance, the mom of two uploaded a part two where dad comes into the frame.

@tinyann22

Replying to @iustmerlp part 2… daddy was found! Lol #kidsoftiktok #momsoftiktok #parentsoftiktok #fyp #ring #prioritiesfirst

While we got a cute couple of videos out of it, being the default parent is a very real syndrome and can be exhausting. To help you handle (and eventually break out) of the role, Psychology Today offers some insight and solutions that will help you feel less alone.

This article originally appeared two years ago.

Family

Video of husband realizing his wife's stocking went unfilled for 10 years has moms talking

What was meant as a joke felt all too real to moms responsible for creating holiday magic.

@whataboutaub/TikTok

It took ten years for a husband to realize his wife received and empty stocking every year

Back in 2021, wife and mom Aubree Jones posted a video to her TikTok that she thought would provide a relatable chuckle among other moms.

Instead, other moms found it heartbreaking.

In the clip, titled “PSA for husbands everywhere,” Aubree’s husband, Josh, is filming their family unwrapping presents on Christmas morning. He goes around to each of the family members’ stockings, until he comes upon an empty one.

“Whose is this?” Josh asks. “Is this an extra one?”

Aubree answers, “No, that’s mine,” with a smile.


Josh then asks why the stocking is empty, to which Aubree quips, “I don’t know. Santa didn’t come for me.”

“It took him 10 years to notice it’s been empty this whole time,” Aubree captioned, adding, “your wife’s stocking is your responsibility."

Considering Aubree meant for the video to be a “lighthearted thing to show what moms go through," as she told TODAY.com, she was totally taken aback by the visceral, negative reactions to it.

Many noted it wasn’t just Josh’s act of forgetting to fill his wife’s stocking that was hurtful, but then simply laughing it off after realizing the neglect.


“She laughs. But I knew inside it hurt,”the top comment read.

Another person wrote, “all of us women felt that in our stomach. It hurt.”

 
 @whataboutaub It took him 10 years to notice it’s been empty this whole time. @Josh Jones #marriedlife #marriage #husbandsoftiktok #fail #ohno #christmas #psa #pregnant ♬ Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree - Brenda Lee 
 

Here are a few more:

“I got a bit teary.. you can tell there is some pain behind the ‘that’s mine.’”

"The little girl in her felt so left out."

“Not just the lack of gifts. The lack of thought…”

“Believe me, she wanted to cry, not laugh.”

"This is a good example that mom does all the stuff and nobody notices."

"I would’ve been divorced.

"This literally broke my heart."

Though Aubree assured TODAY.com that her marriage dynamic was nowhere near as unhealthy as the video made it seem (she even went so far so to send a follow-up video showing how he actually did give her thoughtful Christmas gifts) her video highlighted a sad reality many moms face during the holidays.

When creating all the magic of the season—the decor, the gifts, the food, the social plans, the outfits for the Christmas card, coming up with bigger and better Elf on the Shelf position etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., all the etceteras—fall solely on their shoulders, many moms are robbed of the chance to actually enjoy it themselves.

So much has changed for women in traditional marriages, but it would be naive to think that there aren’t still ways that moms are often expected to pull off herculean feats in order for their families to enjoy the fruits of their labor, all the while juggling multiple other responsibilities, and still not fully being seen.

Still, we can find some hope in making Christmas as magical for moms as they make it for us. Some moms, like the Moms of Tampa, have made it their mission to share health co-parenting tips and skills to advocate for parents who may be forgotten in the daily shuffle.

If moms are moving heaven and earth to make sure their families feel loved this holiday season, let’s make sure we are doing the same for them.

two women kissing a little boy wearing glasses on his cheeksMeet the Moms of Tampa, winning hearts online while advocating for healthy co-parenting.

Instagram

This way everyone gets some Christmas joy.


This article originally appeared last year.