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Why it's important for parents to add a touch of realism to help their kids reach their goals

A bit of honesty goes a long way.

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via RDNE Stock Project/Pexels

A mother makes cookies with her 2 children.

One of the most important parental goals is raising a child who can achieve their dreams. But no matter how smart or talented someone may be, a big part of achieving our goals is knowing how to put them into action.

Far too many people have lofty dreams but fall short because they get discouraged or don’t know how to create a map to achieving them. As the famously prolific author Stephen King once said, "Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work."

So, how do parents prepare their children for success? According to research, it’s essential to paint a realistic picture and to prepare them for setbacks.

A 2018 study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition says, “Rather than acting as cheerleaders giving facile encouragement, leaders ... might serve (others) better by providing a more sobering description of the challenges."

If your child’s goal is to make $100 with a lemonade stand, you should cheer them on and be as supportive as possible. But you should also let them know there may be some pitfalls along the way. There may be days when business is slow because no one is driving up the block. Some people who stop by the stand may not buy anything because they don’t have cash. Others may visit the stand and say they will come back but never do.

lemonade stand, kids goals, achievement

Some kids selling lemonade.

via Canon_Shooter/Flickr

That way, when the child runs into difficulty, they don’t feel like giving up. Instead, they know that it is all part of the process of earning $100.

Simply put, when you think something will be easy and then discover it's not, it's normal to feel like giving up. But if you anticipate challenges from the start, it's much easier to find the determination to work through them.

The Boys and Girls Club of America has similar advice for parents. Children know that adults often set goals and achieve them. However, because they are removed from the process, they may not know that achieving those goals often involves setbacks and unforeseen challenges.

So, when you set a goal for yourself, bring your child along on the journey so they can experience it first-hand. It will give them more confidence to pursue their own goals.

“Be open with them throughout the process, share what steps you’re taking to achieve your goal and be candid about setbacks and changes,” the Boys and Girls Club writes on its blog. “These conversations can be casual, but they show how much work you’re putting in that your teen may not realize you’re doing, helping your teen understand how something is earned with time and effort.

Ultimately, one of the biggest parts of achieving goals is managing expectations. It’s much better to know that there will be hardship along the way than to be surprised by it.

The emotional ups and downs in achieving a goal are perfectly explained in a viral meme called “The Emotional Journey of Creating Anything Great.” It shows how all great ideas sound exciting at first but can begin to feel impossible when the hard work kicks in. But once we make it through the “Swamp of Dispair,” things magically get easier.

The key is knowing that there is a swamp and pushing through it.

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Visit Sweden
Visit Sweden
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Sweden makes stunning decision to trademark its name to avoid confusion

The country is taking historic steps to fix the problem.

via Visit Sweden (used with permission)

A Swedish woman taking things into her own hands.

True

Sweden has existed for over 1,000 years, but travelers across the globe are confused because other places, inspired by the country’s untouched beauty and joyously inclusive culture, have taken its name.

Seven other places in the world call themselves Sweden, so to distinguish itself from the name-alikes, the Kingdom of Sweden is taking a bold, historic step that no country has before. It’s become the first to apply to trademark its name with the European Union Intellectual Property Office.

Visit Sweden likens the country’s problem to a luxury brand that has to contend with dupes, knockoffs, or bootlegs that fall short of the glory of the genuine article.

“It’s flattering that other places want to be called Sweden, but let’s be honest, there should only be one. Our Sweden. The one with the Northern Lights, endless forests, and the world’s best flat-pack furniture,” says Susanne Andersson, CEO at Visit Sweden.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

By trademarking its name, Sweden will make things much less confusing for travelers worldwide. It’d be a shame for someone looking to visit Sweden’s majestic Lapland to mistakenly wind up in a place with no reindeer, Aurora Borealis, or cloudberries to be found.

The world-class research team at Visit Sweden knew it had to act when it realized that other destinations with the same name had tripped up travelers. People looking to vacation in Portland, Oregon, have accidentally wound up in Portland, Maine. Travelers yearning to experience the fall in Manchester, New Hampshire, have been deplaning in Manchester, England. “It happens more than you think!” the researchers admitted.


sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation The Northern Lights in Sweden. via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Jann Lipka/imagebank.sweden.se

The E.U. Intellectual Property Office must act swiftly and allow Sweden to trademark its name so that travelers worldwide don’t miss the opportunity to experience an utterly unique country known for its serene landscapes, commitment to deep relaxation and personal freedom.

No one should ever miss out on staying on one of Sweden’s 267,570 islands, more than any other country. The Swedish archipelagos offer luxurious glamping, peaceful hikes, tranquil solitude and awe-inspiring, pristine nature.

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation A woman camping in the Swedish archipelago.via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Anders Klapp/imagebank.sweden.se


Sweden is a beautiful place to visit all year round, with bright summers, colorful falls, vibrant springs and dark, crisp winters. It is also a place to delight your tastebuds with a cuisine centered on healthy, locally sourced produce, with some preparation methods dating back to the Viking era.

The original Sweden is a place where one can relish Old World European history while also enjoying the modern pleasures of the most progressive countries in the world. Travelers can be whisked back into history by visiting the Naval Port of Karlskona, a well-preserved European naval town from 1680. Or, enjoy cutting-edge design, delicacies, art, music and culture in hip metropolitan destinations such as Stockholm or Sweden’s “coolest city,” Gothenburg.

Did we mention Sweden has an ABBA museum? Wait till the other 7 Swedens find out about that.

As you can see, Sweden is an incredibly unique destination that cannot be duplicated. It would be a tragedy for anyone intending to visit the original Sweden to mistakenly find themselves in a name-alike place that lacks its Scandinavian charm. You can do your part to stop the confusion by signing a petition to let Sweden trademark Sweden at Visit Sweden (the original).

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation A Swedish Midsommar celebration. via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Stefan Berg/Folio/imagebank.sweden.se

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Family

Woman who was pressured to quit her job to raise stepdaughter's baby makes a bold decision

This sparked an important conversation about family responsibility.

via Pixabay

When parents can't step up, should grandparents step in?

A story that recently went viral on Reddit’s AITA forum asks an important question: What is a parent’s role in taking care of their grandchildren? The story is even further complicated because the woman at the center of the controversy is a stepparent.

At the time of writing her post, the woman, 38, met her husband Sam, 47, ten years ago, when his daughter, Leah, 25, was 15. The couple married five years ago after Leah had moved out to go to college.

Leah’s mom passed away when she was 10.

When Leah became pregnant she wanted to keep the baby, but her boyfriend didn’t. After the disagreement, the boyfriend broke up with her. This forced Leah to move back home because she couldn’t afford to be a single parent and live alone on a teacher’s salary.

Leah’s story is familiar to many young mothers facing similar difficulties.

The father isn’t involved in the baby’s life as a caretaker or financially. Sadly, research shows that 33% of all children in the U.S. are born without their biological fathers living in the home.

a young mother holds her baby

Single motherhood comes with unique hardships.

via Alexander Grey/Unsplash

The new mother is a teacher and can’t afford to live on her own with a child. In 2019, a study found that out the top 50 U.S. cities, Pittsburgh is the only one where a new teacher could afford rent.

Today, Portland, OR has joined the very short list of cities where an "average teacher can afford 91.3% of apartments within community distance of their school" according to a recent study.

The stressors of taking care of the baby made Leah realize she needed help.

“But once she had the baby around 4 months back, Leah seemed to realize having a baby is not the sunshine and rainbows she thought it was,” the woman wrote on Reddit. “She barely got any sleep during the last four months. All the while Sam was helping her with the baby while I did almost all chores myself.”

“Now her leave is ending. She did not want to leave the baby at daycare or with a nanny,” the woman continued. “Sam and I both work as well.”

Leah asked her stepmother if she would stay home with the baby. The stepmother said no because she never wanted to have a baby and she has a job. “I asked why Leah can't stay home with the baby herself,” the woman wrote. “She said how she was young and had to build a career. I said many people take breaks to raise kids, and she broke down crying about how she was so tired all the time being a mom and needed something else in her life too.”

A woman holds a newborn baby.

The demands of new motherhood are usually all-encompassing.

via Pixabay

After the woman told her stepdaughter no, her husband pressured her to stay home with the baby. But she refused to give up her job to raise her stepdaughter’s child. “Leah said yesterday how she wished her mom was alive since she would have had her back. She said I didn't love her, and my husband is also mad at me,” the woman wrote. The woman asked the Reddit community if she was in the wrong for “refusing to help my stepdaughter with the baby,” and the community responded with rapturous support.

"[The woman] should tell her husband to knock it off and stop trying to pressure her into raising his daughter’s baby. If he wants a family member to look after her baby while she works, then he can do it," user Heavy_Sand5228 wrote.

"This is Leah's baby that she alone chose to have. That doesn't obligate you to change YOUR life to suit her desires. The whole business of saying you don't love her because you won't quit your job to watch her baby is manipulative and messed up, and I'm shocked your husband is siding with her," user SupremeCourtJust-a** added.

Leah and many women like her are in this situation because, in many places, teachers are underpaid, rent is high, and not all dads pay child support, even those required by law.

Another commenter noted that the baby is much more the father’s responsibility than the stepmother's. "To add, Leah should consider seeking child support from her ex. Her kid should be getting that money," Obiterdicta wrote.

While there are resources to help stepparents connect with their stepchildren and step-grandchildren, it's important to remember that the responsibility to raise a child ultimately rests with the parent(s).

This article originally appeared last year.

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Mental Health

The heartbreaking reasons why men respond with 'I'm fine' when they're actually not

This is something women may need to look at.

Photo credit: Canva

Men respond with 'I'm fine' for heartbreaking reasons

Society often portrays men as logical creatures who are good problem solvers because they don't have all these emotions that get in the way. It's something that's often wielded as this superpower that men have over their female counterparts. This isn't anything of men's doing, at least not men from the last several generations.

This "logical non-emotional" stereotype was thrust upon them in much the same way as the stereotype that women are "too emotional" and borderline hysterical when things don't go their way. There's no getting around bumping into this general thought process or at least the remnants of it on a near daily basis. Because it's so prevalent in societal norms in much of the western world, men and women subconsciously internalize these things.

But anyone who has raised both genders are aware that boys and girls are equally as emotional, it's just that they start receiving very different messages about that emotionality from a very early age. Starting around preschool age boys begin to hear, "big boys don't cry" while they watch their younger sister or classmate receive comforting and kind words when they begin to cry. When it comes to young girls, they're often given more responsibilities at an earlier age whether it's teachers picking girls more often for "classroom helper" or parents focusing more on their daughter cleaning up after themselves than their sons because "boys are messy."

Toughen Up Pop Tv GIF by Big Brother After DarkGiphy

Many examples of this exist so before too long it would seem that both genders are getting gendered messaging about themselves and each other. But in recent years there has been a shift in people wanting men to get in touch with their emotions as to not feed into the societal American norm of toxic masculinity. This focus on men's emotional well-being comes on the heels of research showing the harmful effects of enforcing restrictive gender roles. According to United Way, "restrictive gender norms often limit children’s potential and opportunities, affect their self-esteem and mental health, and shape their relationships with peers."

As society shifts to be more flexible with gender norms, men are beginning to not only admit to having feelings other than anger or happiness, but are expressing them. Or at least, they're attempting to express them according to the overwhelming repetitive response to a question posed on Reddit. A user asks, "men, why do you say you're fine when you're not" and the answers were heartbreaking.

Im Fine Episode 2 GIF by FriendsGiphy

One person responds with, "Because I think most believe that nobody truly gives a f*ck," which was quickly backed up by others with personal stories.

Another shares, "Honestly, no one really listens. You get about five words in and people decide where they think you’re going with this. Then they talk about that thing instead of what you’re talking about no matter what you say. Its usually easier for me to work through and process things myself than put the effort into fighting to be understood."

"My wife and I are having this problem right now. She finally blew up at me and said I don't talk to her anymore and I told her it's because she doesn't listen. I'll explain my thoughts or intentions in deep detail, but after the first 10 words or so she thinks she totally understands and tunes out everything else. Which ends up being cyclical, because she'll get mad that I didn't tell her something when in fact I did. Just easier to not say anything at all at this point, or keep answers to one subject and 10 words or less," someone chimes in adding to the sentiment of not being heard.

Season 3 Hug GIF by Black SailsGiphy

One man explains the rules he has learned, "My entire life as a man, I've been taught two things. I need to be coming up with solutions to problems. And if I'm not useful, I'm useless. The moment I ask for help or show that I need help with a problem rather than being the one helping with a problem, I am then regarded as the problem. When I am the problem, I'm not useful; see above."

Another reveals expressing emotions results in him comforting others, "Because if I tell you I'm not fine, it inexplicably somehow turns into me trying to comfort and reassure you. No, it's not because of you. No I'm not mad that you thought this was all about you. Well you shouldn't feel guilty. I'm sorry you're upset now. Of course I still love you. I'm sorry for upsetting you, honey. No, I promise I'm fine. Everything is perfect."

Men are listening to women and others telling them to open up about their emotions but their seems to be an important component missing. There are therapists that specialize in helping men achieve emotional intelligence and communication of their emotional needs. But it will take further shifting in societal consciousness to recognize when men are being vulnerable with their needs.

This isn't just a men problem, it's a social conditioning problem that needs to be dismantled as one person points out by saying, "ironically sometimes women still subconsciously carry the sexist belief that men should have better control over their emotions." Unlearning something that is ingrained in all aspects of society takes time as does learning to tap into and express feelings that were once equated to weakness. Everyone is learning and giving grace and understanding can go a long way to figuring things out.

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Wellness

Star neuroscientist Andrew Huberman breaks down two simple exercises to improve vision

The eyes are muscles like any other and need both stimulation and relaxation.

Canva

Treat the eyes like a muscle. Give them exercise and relaxation.

We spend a lot of time looking at things up close, particularly our screens. For many of us, it’s the first thing we look at in the morning, the last thing we look at before going to sleep, and the thing we look at most during all those hours in between. According to a study commissioned by Vision Direct, the average American will spend 44 years looking at a screen. You read that right. Over. Four. Decades.

Really, it’s no wonder that eyesight has worsened. Experts have declared that myopia, aka nearsightedness, has grown to an epidemic level. In addition, we suffer more headaches and migraines, get poor sleep, and tend to feel more fatigued.

Luckily, there are a few things we can do to help, whether we boast 20/20 vision or are already constantly squinting.

Neuroscientist Andrew Huberman, well known for his podcast “Huberman Lab,” breaks down all kinds of science-based life hacks for health, wellness, and fitness.

In addition to studying the brain, one of Huberman’s main research topics is vision. In a video, Huberman shares two simple exercises that can dramatically help improve eyesight.

First and foremost, we need to allow our vision to relax.

You can’t do this just by looking up from your computer screen. Instead, Huberman suggests going to a window and looking out at a point in the distance. Ideally, you would open the window because windows filter out a lot of the blue light and sunlight that you want during the daytime. Better yet, go to a balcony, relax your eyes, and look out at the horizon. This allows the eyes to relax and go into panoramic vision, relieving stress and fatigue.

According to Huberman, you should be doing some kind of relaxation of the eyes, face, and jaw for every 30 minutes of focused work—which works out to at least every 90 minutes.

Second, stimulate the eyes by focusing on motion.

Smooth pursuit is our natural ability to track individual objects moving through space. You can train or improve your vision simply by stimulating this mechanism. To do this, Huberman suggests taking a few minutes each day or every three days to visually track a ball. Or, get outside and watch objects move around. Think swooping birds, falling leaves, etc. If you couldn’t tell, Huberman is a big proponent of going outside.

Bottom line: Our eyes are muscles. Just like our biceps, they need stimulation and relaxation, and while we might not be able to get this kind of nourishment from our tiny screens, nature provides.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Education

This doctor-approved, Navy SEAL power nap technique works in under 10 minutes

It works perfectly.

@drjoe_md/TikTok

A power nap that's actually powerful.

We know that even a 10 minute power nap can do wonders for our energy levels. And yet, for many of us, the thought of being able to get proper rest within a mere ten minutes might seem like a far off distance dream. However, maybe it’s because we don’t realize that a 10 minute power nap requires a slightly different strategy than our nighttime sleep.

As Dr. Joe Whittington, aka Dr. Joe MD on TikTok, explained, there’s a “Navy SEAL-inspired power napping technique that many of our elite forces swear by,” that can have folks actually feeling refreshed in a fraction of the time. But here’s the thing— you have to position yourself a certain way.

In the clip, Dr. Joe suggests finding the edge of a bed or couch, and lying down so that your legs are propped up on the elevated surface at a ninety-degree angle. In the demonstration he also has his hands folded on his abdomen. “Laying in this position for 10 minutes is going to accomplish two things,” he says. “First, it’s going to reduce swelling in your legs as well as return blood flow to your core. Both of these are going to trigger relaxation."

“Second," he continues, "by limiting the time to 10 minutes, you will wake up during the light phase of sleep and therefore wake up feeling refreshed.”

@drjoe_md Here's a Navy SEAL-inspired hack for a quick energy boost: take a 10-minute power nap with your legs elevated. This position promotes blood flow back to your core, reducing swelling in your legs and triggering relaxation. Studies show that short naps improve alertness and mood without the grogginess of deeper sleep. This trick is ideal for a fast reset when you're low on time, helping you feel refreshed and ready to tackle the rest of your day. #lowenergy #naptime #sleeptips #healthtips #doctoradvice @Braden Wellman ♬ original sound - Dr. Joe, M.D. 🩺

As pointed out by the New York Post, this technique was first introduced to the mainstream by Retired Navy SEAL Jocko Willink, who boasted to Business Insider that his personal power naps are capped at 8 minutes. Of course he apparently can resist free pizza and donuts, so the man is clearly superhuman.

boy in gray hoodie lying on black leather couch Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

You’ll also find this hack touted in a world nearly polar opposite of the military—theatre. In the Alexander Technique, which is form of body awareness training that focuses on improving posture and reducing tension, performers and students will engage in constructive rest, (sometimes known as “active rest”, “semi-supine” or the “Alexander lying-down position”) by lying on the floor with their knees elevated. Of course, Frederick Matthias Alexander likely got this pose from the ancient practice of yoga.

Regardless of where this trick came from, it’s easy to see how folks from all walks of life can easily incorporate it into their routine when they need an energy boost. Which, let’s face it, is pretty much all of us. In a Gallup poll released in April, 57% of Americans said they would feel better if they could get more sleep.

Luckily Dr. Joe has all kinds of helpful content in the realm of health education, including even more sleep tips. Previously the doc explained why those pesky mid-sleep involuntary jerks happen (and how to prevent them), as well as the benefits of cognitive shuffling when you can’t seem to quiet your mind at night. Maybe this knowledge is the key to finally getting those elusive eight hours.

But if a power nap is all you have time for, then channel your inner Navy SEAL.

a sea lion resting on a wooden dock Photo by Michael Obeysekera on Unsplash

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Modern Families

Father of two daughters explains why he wakes up early before his wife every morning

This is a man who knows how to take charge.

chrisandbre.g/TikTok

Chris and Bre Giglio run a popular parenting TikTok with nearly 200,000 followers. Some of their most popular posts have been about what Chris calls his "mornings with the girls." "Nearly every morning for over 3 years I've gotten up with our girls so Bre can get the sleep deserves after she gave so much to grow our little family," he captioned one such video. It shows him up at the crack of dawn cleaning up the kitchen, folding laundry, and making his daughters breakfast.

But Chris noticed a peculiar response he'd often get when he posted about his morning routine. While people were mostly excited to see a dad taking good care of the girls in his life, others took the opportunity to ask prying questions about Bre. "Does she ever let you sleep in? Just wondering if you ever have 'you' days?" one user asked relatively politely. Others commenters aren't so kind, asking essentially, if Bre doesn't get up with the kids, what does she even do?

Chris took a moment to respond to the questions in a recent video, and the response perfectly encapsulates what a partnership should look like.

"I've gotten up with my daughters every morning since they were born because that's what has worked best for us. But for some reason if I share about that for long enough, someone's going to ask a variation of the question, but what does she do for you?" he says.

"... that question also gets me feeling like we can sometimes forget what marriage is all about."

He goes on to talk about how he's a morning person who loves getting up on the early side. Since he sometimes has to work late, he looks forward to having that guaranteed time with the kids. His wife, on the other hand, is a night owl and does her best work in the evening — so it just wouldn't make sense for them to flip-flop just because of "fairness."

"I do these things because I love her and I wanna make her life better, not because I'm looking to stack up a tower of I-owe-you chips."

Watch the rest of Chris' excellent response in the TikTok here:

@chrisandbre.g

Replying to @Magen Bostwick there’s no scorecard in marriage, which is also why @Bre Giglio and I can both be winners #marriage #married #marriagetok #marriedtiktok #marriagegoals

In the caption of the post, Chris wrote: "There's no scorecard in marriage, which is why Bre and I can both be winners."

Chris and Bre have figured out an incredibly important concept when it comes to making a marriage last: Equality and equity are not the same thing.

Equality refers to when people are treated exactly the same regardless of needs, preferences, resources, etc. Equity is a concept that means everyone gets what they need to reach an equal outcome.

Trying to enact perfect equality in a marriage as parents can create a mess. Making sure each partner has an equal number of early wakeups every week, takes turns folding the laundry, contributes identically to the cooking and dishes and meal plan. It's impossible to get right, unsustainable, and inevitably leads to arguments when the score isn't perfectly settled.

Equity looks like Chris' videos. He takes the early shift with the kids because he doesn't mind doing it and is better suited to the mornings. That's his thing, and it frees his wife up to contribute to the household in a way that suits her own strengths. As long as both partners are pulling their weight, that's how it ought to be done.

The response to Chris' morning videos also raise another issue: Few people would ever accuse a dad of being lazy if his wife was excited to let him sleep in while she cooked breakfast. The double standard is outrageous and it doesn't do anyone any favors. It should be super normal to see a dad picking up a big chunk of the load at home, not a rarity.

Fortunately, most of Chris and Bre's followers are totally on board with their approach:

"marriage isn’t about keeping score. when both ppl give 100% to each other, no one feels like they’re slipping through the cracks ❤️it’s honestly the best," one commenter wrote.

"True love is splitting the chores fairly but not 50/50. My wife does most of the laundry, i hate it and she doesn't mind meanwhile I cook most of the time because she hates it and I like it. It works because it works for you both," said another.

"100% and if it was the other way around no one would ask what she does for you 🙃" added another.

We love seeing a dad go out of his way to spend extra time with his kids rather than treat is as an obligation. As a night owl myself, it makes me want to crank that alarm back a few hours and pop out of bed to whip up pancakes before my kids are up — well, almost.

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