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Falling short of meeting your goals and dreams? Start thinking of them as quests.

A little switch in perspective can change your life.

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A woman on a quest.

Have you set out lofty goals only to come up short? You deeply cared about the goal, made a plan to achieve it, but somehow felt short along the way. Does it feel like it’s now harder to re-attempt the goal because you couldn’t make it work the first time?

If you feel frustrated that you haven’t been able to achieve your aspirations, the key to achieving them may be in reframing how you think of them. If you dream big, your goal isn’t simple with a starting point and a target outcome. It’s something more dramatic, dynamic, and fulfilling: it’s a quest. When setting out to achieve a goal, many quit when things get frustrating, but when you’re on a quest, that’s when things start getting interesting.


How to turn your goals into quests

David Cain, creator of Raptitude, a blog dedicated to getting better at being human, perfectly described the difference between a goal and a quest in a 2024 post.

“A quest is an adventure, and you expect it to be one. You expect a quest to take you into a new and unfamiliar landscape. You expect there to be puzzles, surprises, perils, and curious encounters. A bridge you counted on will be out. You’ll meet an interesting stranger on the path. You’ll hear wolves howling at night. This is all part of the fun. The goal mentality frames this stuff as setbacks, problems, pains—stuff in the way of the goal,” Cain writes.


Having a quest, instead of a goal, also comes with the promise that you will experience a significant positive personal change by the end of the journey. In Star Wars, Luke Skywalker learns to embrace faith over technology to defeat the Galactic Empire. At the end of The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy and her companions realize that they already had what they thought they lacked. What will you learn about yourself on your quest?

“A quest is personally transformative—the endeavor itself shapes who you are, and what you’re capable of. It’s not only the reward that does this, it’s your inevitable encounters with the unfamiliar, and the new capabilities you gain as you handle these encounters,” Cain writes. “You don’t just get the novel started, you become a writer. You don’t just declutter the house, you get your house in order.”


How to handle barriers on the way to achieving a goal

Another way to understand the “map” of your quest is through this cool visual tool, the infographic, The Emotional Journey of Creating Anything Great, which shows how every good idea eventually leads to a place where it seems unachievable, before you push through the challenging parts and reach the finish line.

Ultimately, a quest is all about embracing change to achieve your goal and become a better person. Baked into the idea of the quest is the understanding that you have to change; therefore, recognizing that there will be pitfalls on the road is all part of the deal. This understanding could give you the extra spike in resilience that you need to slay any dragons, climb a misty mountain, or send that one email to ask a publisher to put your book on the shelves.

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Therapist completes a 'year in review' for the past 5 years. Here are his biggest lessons.

The alternative to New Year's resolutions helps make goals based on self-reflection rather than lofty ideals.

Photo by Paico Oficial on Unsplash

Imagine making decisions based on what has proven to make you happy.

We’re still fairly early into January, and definitely only into the early stages of 2023. And that means that New Year’s resolutions are still the topic of many conversations—whether they pertain to health, productivity or general satisfaction with life.

However, it’s no secret that the standard New Year’s resolution, however inspired it may be at first, often loses its luster after a short amount of time. Though there can be several reasons why, the common conundrum has many folks looking for more personalized approaches that they can actually stick to.

As it turns out, the best way forward might actually be a quick look into the past.

Those well versed in personal development might be already familiar with a common alternative to the New Year’s resolution called the “past year review.” This method was popularized by “The 4-Hour Workweek” author Tim Ferriss, and is often described as a more informed and actionable way to approach goals.

The idea is pretty straightforward—create two columns marked “positive” and “negative," then go through your previous year's calendar or schedule week by week and jot down the people, activities and commitments that triggered either positive or negative emotions for that month. Once you’ve gone through all 12 months, take note of what things most affected you, either positively or negatively. Lastly, schedule more of the positive things and less of the negative things. The whole process should take an hour or less.

past year in review

A simple list can reveal a lot.

Photo by Lauren Sauder on Unsplash

It’s a simple process, but it can offer profound insight. Take it from Chris Cordry, LMFT, who’s done it for five years now. Since 2018, Cordry has quit three different jobs, started his own business and taken extended travel trips—all “big leaps” he credits to starting this tradition in 2018.

For 2023, Cordry collected five years worth of data from his previous past year reviews (PYRs) and documented his findings in a blog post on his website.

Below is a quick recap of what he found to be the most powerful lessons:

Learning

Courses of all kinds were found valuable, although Cordry noted that taking more than one “online class at a time is a recipe for failure.” He also recalled that in-person classes were particularly “socially stimulating.”

Travel

Now that he’s older, Cordry finds traveling with friends or family creates a more positive memory than traveling solo—which he used to do for months on end, but now finds he gets lonely or depressed. Just goes to show that values change over time.

new years resolutions

Some like to travel in groups. Others prefer solo.

Photo by Felix Rostig on Unsplash

Creativity

Again, doing activities with people provided the most enjoyable experiences—Dungeons & Dragons, performing at poetry readings and going to movies with friends made it to the top of Cordry's list.

Work and Career

This area is where the “not to do list” becomes vital, Cordry warns, admitting that he continued several things from his list well into the following year, with “predictable consequences”—things like long draining commutes, long hours or working during important holidays. All of which stopped happening once he started his own business.

Though establishing a healthy work-life balance will look different to everyone, Cordry notes that time management is a major factor. “Having too much free time is just as bad as being busy and stressed out,” he writes. “All that time tends to get filled with low-quality activities like internet browsing, binge-watching, and overthinking.”

Relationships

The data was clear—moments with close friends and family yielded some of the most positive emotions and experiences, accounting for 80% during five years. Even attending parent-teacher conferences for his daughter felt “impactful.” Therefore, more trips and activities shall be scheduled.

Mental Health

Sunlight, fresh air and exercise can be powerful mood boosters. Cordry also learned that shorter, more frequent meditations as a daily practice made a bigger difference than long retreats.

Much to his surprise, COVID-19 didn’t affect his mental health at all, since he accepted that it was outside his control. What did make him suffer were the things he didn’t accept. Something I’m sure a lot of us can relate to.

meditation

Daily meditation can be just as impactful as long, less frequent meditation.

Photo by Ian Stauffer on Unsplash

Though this is a self-reflection, it’s easy to see the PYR’s universal appeal—this kind of insight can be hugely beneficial for shaping a life that aligns with one’s true values. Obviously there’s no foolproof way to achieve successful goal setting, but this approach at least takes into account previous patterns, rather than forcing someone to walk blindly into the future under the premise of a “fresh start.”

You might be thinking—great, cool, I didn’t keep a journal or planner this year, so this is all meaningless. To that, Cordry has a few suggestions, like going through photos on your phone, as well as reviewing books you’ve read, films and shows you've watched, classes you've taken, music you've listened to, sites you've bookmarked and posts you've made to social media.

“Even just picking a couple of these can give you some perspective on your year,” he told Upworthy. “This can surface fun moments you may have forgotten about, as well as show you who you're spending your time with, and how.”

Experience might be a great teacher, but we still must sit down to study it. 2023 has only just begun. Whatever your goals are, perhaps one of the kindest things you can do for yourself is acknowledging what has brought you this far, in order to move forward in a healthy way.

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Psychologist reveals 5 evidence-based tips for helping New Year's resolutions stick

Dr. Mark Jellicoe, a specialist in resilience and self-regulation, offers some wisdom for new year goal-setting.

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New Year's resolutions are notoriously hard to keep.

Each New Year’s Eve, millions of us have the annual urge to change our ways, make a fresh start, form new habits or otherwise transform into a better version of ourselves.

The problem is many of us kick off the new year with all the good intentions, only to be derailed from our goals after a few weeks—or even a few days. It's disheartening to make New Year's resolutions each year and fail at keeping them, but creating new habits is a notoriously difficult thing for humans to do.

Is there a foolproof way to stick with a New Year's resolution? Probably not. But there are some science-backed ways to make it more likely that you'll stick with whatever you want to achieve.

Dr. Mark Jellicoe, Senior Lecturer in Psychology at The University of Law in the U.K. who specializes in resilience and self-regulation, says that there are many reasons why people struggle to achieve goals. "Often goals can be too vague, or, in reality, the resolution might be a wish that we are just not that committed to,” he says.

If there are goals you really do want to achieve this year, Jellicoe shares five evidence-based tips for sticking to them:

1. Go ahead and 'manifest,' but understand what works about it

"Manifesting"—the idea being that if you envision something strongly enough and live as if it's happening, it will happen—has been all the rage for the past few years.

"Some may be sad to hear this, but I’m not aware of any direct evidence to suggest manifesting will help to achieve a goal," says Jellicoe. "However, there are several supported scientific approaches, which could be ascribed to the 'manifesting' approach. It makes sense that if we orient ourselves towards an outcome then we might be more motivated to achieve it, which would invoke the patterns of thinking and behavioral beliefs to help us do this."

Jellicoe points out that people need to get tactical, whatever vision they have for themselves. "Don’t abandon all hope if you feel manifesting works for you," he says, "just be sure to back it up with some solid goal-setting practice. Manifesting isn’t a magic bullet."

2. Be strategic about who you share your goals with.

When we're excited about making change, we might be eager to tell people about it. We might even feel like we'll be more likely to achieve our goals if we share them with others.

"There are some schools of thought that suggest speaking your goal out loud or sharing it with others creates a sense of accountability," says Jellicoe. "However, there is growing evidence that would suggest doing this can be detrimental."

"Scientific evidence also suggests that the mere act of telling someone about our goal, and the congratulations or encouragement we receive, might lead to us deceiving ourselves that we have already achieved the goal, and as a result, we fail to move to the implementation stage," adds Jellicoe. "This has led to some advising that we don’t tell others our goals."

3. Be proactive and deliberate about goal-setting.

Setting goals sounds simple enough, but people in general are not very good at the mechanics of setting goals and working toward them.

"There are a couple of solid, research-backed approaches to goal-setting," says Jellico. "Many of us will have heard of the SMART approach, which encapsulates some of these key ideas, where goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound. This isn’t a bad place to start, but there are arguments that even well-set goals may not lead us to strive towards the outcome."

Jellicoe suggests adding the WOOP model of goal-setting, which stands for Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan. "This approach encourages us to think about the reality of our situation and the likely obstacles that come between us and our ultimate goals, so we can plan ways to overcome them," he says. "Pairing this with the SMART approach so you can monitor your progress could lead to success."

4. Get to know your personality type and how it affects goal-setting

Jellicoe lists five well-supported personality factors using the acronym OCEAN: Openness to experience, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness and Neuroticism (now often referred to as "low emotional stability"). These factors can influence how you approach goals and what might help you achieve them.

"This is a vast topic with lots to explore," he says, "but one example would be those who are more conscientious typically tend to be more planful and organized—naturally this often leads to a higher likelihood of seeing goals through. This same personality, however, may also be more likely to stick with a goal even when circumstances change that make that goal no longer relevant."

Jellicoe suggests learning more about your personality type online to gain a better understanding of yourself and your tendencies. "This understanding could give you a good grounding in learning how to adapt your strategies," he says.

5. Utilize the power of small, clustered goals.

"Regardless of the resolution you set yourself, achieving small, clustered goals along the way could be crucial in building confidence and motivation to keep working towards your desired outcome," says Jellicoe.

An example of this method is the 'Couch to 5K' challenge in which people start with running just a minute at a time, adding a little bit of running time each day. With small new goals being continually set, you find yourself able to run a 5K within just a couple of months.

"Often this approach to goal-setting can have a positive upward spiral into other areas of our lives too, such as health and wellbeing," adds Jellicoe.

Whatever goals you want to achieve in 2023—or even if you don't want to set resolutions at all—be kind to yourself as you enter the new year.

“This time of year can be stressful for so many of us, and we all have our own reasons for that. Any milestone event can bring about a mixture of positive and negative emotions," says Jellicoe. “Like with any milestone—think birthdays or anniversaries—the new year can also be a time for reflection and renewal. At this time of year, many of us also have the time and space to engage in reflection, so it might be a good time to reflect, accept and move forward."

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An expert shares how to reclaim hope. Yes, even after these past two years.

Photo by Rosie Kerr on Unsplash

We all need some hope and inspiration.

As 2022 approaches, some of us might be remiss in even thinking about new goals for ourselves. Especially after a soured “2020 vision” and a 2021 that came and went in the blink of an eye. Not to mention the new hard look at hustle culture, the collective burnout otherwise known as The Great Resignation … oh, and a seemingly never-ending pandemic.

So yeah, it’s perfectly reasonable that the once hopeful promise of a New Year’s resolution might have lost its shine.

Still, researcher and author Dr. Shane Lopez discusses why holding onto hope remains a crucial skill. And a learnable one as well.

Resolutions might change to reflect different values—perhaps a resolution to find meaningful work versus working harder, for example—but regardless, this take might offer some fresh insight and reinstill some long-lost vigor. At the very least, it might make hope seem a little less delusional.


In his 2013 interview with the University of Minnesota's Center for Spirituality and Healing and the Life Science Foundation, Dr. Lopez defines hope as “the belief that the future will be better than the present, coupled with the belief that you have the power to make it so.”

He clarifies that where simple optimism or wishful thinking contains only the first belief (a better future), hope has the added aspect of the belief in one’s own agency in the matter.

It’s almost like saying optimism says that a problem can be solved. Hope actively says, “I have the ability to solve this problem.”

Interview with Dr. Shane Lopez

This is in part why hope is the foundation of proper goal-setting. As we set down applicable plans, we strengthen our own agency, thus becoming happier and more productive.

According to Dr. Lopez, “a hopeful student can achieve a letter grade higher that a less hopeful one of equal intellect.”

In many ways, hope and resilience go hand in hand.

Dr. Lopez shares how hopeful people have an innate ability to bounce back after obstacles.

"An obstacle to a hopeful person is an expected challenge,” he says, adding, “then they immediately come up with new and different plans to get around that obstacle.”

Again, hope is a productive state, not a passive one.

Dr. Lopez states that hopeful people are also not shy about reaching out for support or help, to reassess or even reform goals when necessary. His interview indicates that hope is a key trait of problem solvers, not Pollyannas.

How to instill some hope into 2022

Going off of Dr. Lopez’s suggestions, here are ways to become more hopeful (and therefore more happy, productive and resilient, to boot)

Figure out what you’re truly excited about.

We spend a lot of time doing things that we’re not excited about, so when you can find something that does set off a spark, “you’ll receive a flurry of these hopeful thoughts,” says Dr. Lopez. And that enthusiasm in one area can leach into other areas of life as well.

Often, these are the things that give us the most meaning and purpose. Invest heavily in them.

That excitement might not make itself visible right away. And that’s OK. If that’s the case, try following your curiosity instead (Medium has a fantastic article about this). The point is, it has to be something that takes up more real estate than just your head.

Pursue two to three meaningful goals. Not 10-20.

Dr. Lopez shares that many people make this mistake when trying to create change in their life and thus try to pile more on top of an already full, chaotic life. The key ingredients to an achievable goal are specificity, clarity and additive to your life (meaning that it adds something of benefit, rather than taking something away).

I’ve become something of a James Clear brand ambassador these days. He really has the market cornered on achievable goal setting. If you’re not ready to try out his book “Atomic Habits,” he has a lot of great tidbit-sized insight on his Instagram.

Learn by example.

Find the most hopeful person in your life and spend time with them. Dr. Lopez suggests surrounding yourself with these kinds of people will teach you how to come up with multiple plans, overcome setbacks and sustain your energy to avoid burnout. In short, they’ll show you firsthand how it’s done and that it's possible.

I would add that in this day and age, there’s no shortage of hopeful podcasts, audiobooks—maybe even this website you’re reading from right now—that could help support you.

Whether you decide to make that 2022 vision board or simply want to feel better next year, hope might be the first step.

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