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'Toxic empathy' is real, but maybe not in the way you've heard. Here's what it actually is.

The term has unfortunately been co-opted in the political discourse, but it's a genuine psychological phenomenon.

Photo credit: Canva

Empathy can become toxic when it starts affecting your well-being.

Empathy is generally seen as a positive thing and something we want people to cultivate in themselves. The skill of feeling what others feel can help build connections between people, prevent anti-social behaviors like bullying, and aid in resolving conflict, so it's good for society as a whole when people are empathetic.

So, why are people suddenly talking about toxic empathy? Can empathy actually be bad?

There are two ways people currently reference "toxic empathy"—one that arose out of socio-political commentary (largely stemming from the 2024 book, Toxic Empathy: How Progressives Exploit Christian Compassion by conservative commentator Allie Beth Stuckey), and one based on a real psychological phenomenon that some people experience. The validity of the former is up for debate, but the latter is a common term to describe a struggle with excessive empathy that leads to self-harm.

empathy, toxic empathy, mental health, emotional regulation, psychology Toxic empathy can cause distress and dysregulation.Photo credit: Canva

What is toxic empathy?

Essentially, toxic empathy (also known as hyper-empathy) is when an empathetic person over-identifies with someone else's emotions and takes them on as their own. While empathy involves the ability to feel others' emotions, toxic empathy goes a step further to intensely identifying with them, which can lead to overwhelm, burnout, and neglect of one's self.

"While 'toxic empathy' is not a real diagnosis, many clients have felt their personal experience of feeling overwhelming levels of empathy for others normalized by the society's use of the term," Kim Rippy, LPC, CCTP-II, a trauma and anxiety specialist and owner of Keystone Therapy Group, told Upworthy.

Rippy shared that clients she's had who struggled with toxic empathy found themselves frequently overwhelmed and energetically drained when trying to connect with other people. "Some clients have even been so overwhelmed with empathy for strangers in recent world events (war on Ukraine, war on Gaza, school shootings), that they become emotionally exhausted and even depressed from their high levels of empathy," she says.

empathy, toxic empathy, mental health, emotional regulation, psychology Social media can fuel toxic empathy.Photo credit: Canva

In the age of 24/7 news and social media, we can "doomscroll" all manner of trauma from anywhere in the world, which certainly doesn't help people avoid empathy overload. But like any other positive quality, empathy in excess becomes unhealthy and must be moderated.

However, licensed mental health counselor Courtney Schrum says it's important to remember that having too much empathy isn't a sign of moral failing.

"Most people who struggle with toxic empathy aren’t weak, they’re wired to belong," Schrum told Upworthy. "Science shows our brains evolved to scan for belonging as a survival strategy. Humans have a fundamental biological need to belong, and our nervous systems are attuned to social cues that signal inclusion or rejection. When empathy tips into self-sacrifice, it’s often because the brain is trying too hard to protect connection. Naming that helps reframe over-giving not as failure, but as evidence of deeply human wiring, and that makes setting boundaries feel less like rejection and more like self-preservation."

empathy, toxic empathy, mental health, emotional regulation, psychology Caring and compassion and empathy are good. But they can go too far.Photo credit: Canva

"The goal isn’t to care less," Schrum adds, "but to care in a way that doesn’t come at the cost of your own wellbeing. When empathy is grounded in boundaries, it becomes sustainable instead of toxic."

How to avoid toxic empathy

If you're a highly empathetic person, it can feel easy to slip into a place where you become overwhelmed and paralyzed by empathy. Here are three steps for navigating and avoiding toxic empathy:

Recognize the signs

You can't change something you don't even realize is happening, so check in with yourself if you feel like you're prone to this kind of struggle.

"Notice your body first," says Schrum. "Your nervous system often signals overload before your brain does. Tension, fatigue, or irritability are cues that you’re carrying too much."

empathy, toxic empathy, mental health, emotional regulation, psychology Toxic empathy can affect your nervous system.Photo credit: Canva

Set specific boundaries for yourself

Toxic empathy is essentially empathy that goes too far, so it's important to set boundaries to rein it in.

"A prompt I recommend often is 'Do I have the power and the control to change this?' followed by 'How can I make an impact in a way that is within my boundaries (such as resources, time, finances) to offer?'" Lorain Moorehead, Licensed Psychotherapist, PMH-C, EMDR-C told Upworthy. Moorehead explains that, sometimes, people dealing with hyper-empathy might feel the instinct to take in more "hurt," like watching the news or true crime shows, because it feels in some way like taking action, even though it's not.

"A simple internal reminder like, 'Their feelings are real, but they’re not mine to solve,' helps separate empathy from over-identification," says Schrum.

Nurture your nervous system

Empathy can be exhausting even when it's not to a severe degree, so if you are a person with high empathy levels, it's important to care for yourself to avoid slipping into burnout.

empathy, toxic empathy, mental health, emotional regulation, psychology Self-care exercises like journaling and spending time in nature can help you manage stress.Photo credit: Canva

"Practice recovery rituals," says Schrum. "After emotionally heavy interactions, do something that discharges stress: a walk, humming, journaling. This resets the nervous system back toward balance."

There's so much happening in the world, and we all have the ability to witness too much trauma, far too easily, all day long, thanks to our smartphones and social media. It can feel like too much, which is why it's all the more important that folks with empathy to spare take steps to ensure that they don't allow their emotional resonance to lead to self-abandonment. Empathy is good when it helps us connect with others, not when it leads to disconnection with ourselves.

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Health

7 toxic evening habits that silently keep you stuck in life (and how to fix them)

Your evening routine might be the reason you’re not living your best life. Let’s fix that.

Photo credit: Canva

Woman scrolling mindlessly on her phone.

It’s the end of another exhausting day. You promise yourself that tonight will be different. Tonight, you’ll read that book collecting dust under your bed, text your friend back, or maybe even do some evening meditation to center yourself. But somehow, three hours later, you’re in bed watching TikToks about which Girls character you are, and it hits you: this feels bad. Like, really bad.

(Don’t worry, you’re in excellent company—we’ve all been there.)

scrolling, phone, addiction, evening, habits Creating healthy evening habits matters. Photo credit: Canva

Here’s the thing about evening habits: in the moment, they feel innocent and harmless, but they’re basically the psychological equivalent of termites eating away at the foundation of your life. Behavioral researchers discovered that the hours between dinner and sleep represent something called a “vulnerability window,” a time when your willpower is shot and your brain is desperately seeking comfort. Ah, the perfect conditions for self-sabotage.

Your evening routine (or lack of one) might be the reason you’re not living your best life. We’re here to fix that. Here are seven “harmless” habits that are actually holding you back—and what to do about them.

The doom-scrolling spiral

“Oh, I’ll just check Instagram for just five minutes.”

Let me know the next time that works.

To your brain, scrolling endlessly is like being in a Vegas casino with a black card—and you’ll stop at nothing to get that dopamine jackpot. With every piece of new information, your brain receives a slight boost of dopamine, creating what researchers call an “intermittent reinforcement schedule”—the exact psychological mechanism that makes gambling addictive and dangerous.

via GIPHY

Scrolling through social media for hours can activate your threat-detection system, flooding your body with stress hormones like cortisol just when you should be winding down. Studies show regular doom-scrollers report higher levels of anxiety and trouble sleeping, creating a vicious cycle where poor sleep makes you more susceptible to negative thinking… which, of course, drives you to scroll even more.

Let’s fix this: Create a “phone parking station” outside your bedroom. Seriously. Charge it somewhere else, and place it there 90 minutes before bed. Then, replace the habit with something that genuinely interests you, like reading a book or doing gentle stretches. Oh, and before you reach for the iPad: this goes for all devices.

Bedtime procrastination

Your eyelids are drooping, but instead of pulling the covers up and going to sleep, you’re up until 2 AM doing absolutely nothing important. Welcome to “revenge bedtime procrastination,” your brain’s rebellion against a day that felt completely out of your control.

woman, sleeping, bedtime, rest, energy A woman sleeping peacefully.Photo credit: Canva

What’s going on here? Your psyche is essentially saying “I didn’t get enough personal time today, so I’ll just steal it now, at the cost of tonight’s sleep.” This phenomenon is particularly common among people with demanding schedules or those who feel they lack autonomy during the day.

However, chronic bedtime procrastination creates a cascading series of issues. Poor sleep leads to decreased cognitive performance, emotional instability, and reduced willpower, which can trap you in a "procrastination insomnia cycle", where each night of delayed sleep makes the day more stressful and the next bedtime more tempting to put off.

Let’s fix this: Create a “bedtime procrastination emergency plan.” It’s a big red button to press when you feel the self-sabotage setting in, but don’t know what to do. When you catch yourself avoiding bed, do a wind-down activity of your choice—no questions asked—like a 10-minute meditation or journaling about three things you’re grateful for.

Evening rumination

The moment your head hits the pillow, your brain decides it’s show time: replaying the day’s mistakes, imagining worst-case scenarios, and generally turning your mind into your own personal anxiety theater.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Your brain is trying to process unresolved emotional content. Still, instead of the helpful type of processing, you’ve gotten stuck in an unproductive loop that elevates your cortisol levels when they should be at their lowest.

Let’s fix that: Your running thoughts aren’t useless; it’s your brain’s way of trying to protect you. But there’s a time and place for everything, and right now is neither. Try the “worry time” technique, which is exactly what it sounds like. Dedicate 15 minutes of the day to worrying, ruminating, plotting, and scheming. Or, keep a “brain dump” journal near your bed to offload racing thoughts without judgment.

Stress eating your feelings

You’re not even hungry, but somehow, you’re standing in the kitchen at 10 PM with a spoon in one hand and a jar of Nutella in the other, wondering how you got there.

Evening emotional eating serves multiple functions: immediate comfort, a twisted sense of reward after a difficult day, or self-soothing when your willpower has been depleted. However, using food as a primary emotional regulation strategy is just a chocolate-smeared Band-Aid, covering up the real problems and preventing you from developing healthier coping mechanisms.

via GIPHY

Let’s fix that: Work on identifying your triggers. Why are you binge-eating late at night? Are you lonely, bored, stressed, or something else? Finding the real issue is the first step towards addressing it more healthily. Or, create a “kitchen closed” policy after 8 PM. Stick to it religiously.

24/7 work tether

Checking work emails right before bed because it will “just take a second” is like inviting your most stressful colleague to sleep over: no separation between work and private life, and it should be a workplace violation.

Research shows that employees who regularly check work communications after hours experience higher rates of burnout, and the constant mental availability prevents psychological recovery. This can lead to decreased creativity, impaired decision-making, and emotional exhaustion.

burnout, emails, work, evening, routines A woman sitting in front of her laptop. Photo by Olena Kamenetska on Unsplash

Let’s fix this: Set explicit communication curfews and stick to them. If you have to email someone after hours, use the “schedule send” function so that the email arrives during the business day. Remember: your well-being is worth more than always being available.

Perfectionism paralysis

Do you spend evening hours crafting elaborate to-do lists and researching productivity systems instead of doing things you actually want to do? Well, you are likely using the illusion of productivity to avoid the discomfort of imperfect action.

Perfectionist planning provides psychological satisfaction in “working on” goals without the risk of messy execution. But it creates an endless cycle where you’re never quite ready to begin.

Let’s fix this: Try the “2-minute rule.” If something takes less than two minutes, do it now, instead of adding it to a list.

Distraction addiction

Every quiet moment needs to be filled with background TV, music, or scrolling through your phone because the silence feels uncomfortable or anxiety-provoking. But constant simulation has the opposite effect: it prevents emotional processing and keeps you disconnected from your actual desires.

woman, phone, worried, evening, routines Constant stimulation could be stressing you out. Photo credit: Canva

Without regular stillness, unresolved feelings can accumulate in the mind and the body, leading to chronic anxiety or emotional numbness.

Let’s fix that: Start small. Try practicing “micro-stillness,” 30 seconds of silence between activities. This can look like taking three conscious breaths while moving between tasks.

The beautiful truth about small changes

Behavioral science shows that even the smallest of changes in our evening routines can create dynamic improvements in our overall life satisfaction. You don’t need to change everything all at once, simply pick one habit from above that resonates the most with your current struggles and commit to working on it for two weeks.

woman, evening, routines, habits, happy A woman enjoying her evenings again.Photo credit: Canva

As your evening energy gradually improves, you will naturally find it easier to address other patterns. Because your evenings aren’t just the end of the day—they’re the foundation for tomorrow.

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Wellness

‘Cozymaxxing’: The real science behind everyone’s new favorite stress antidote

“It’s like hygge on steroids.”

Photo credit: TikTok (@cozy.games)

Spaces that maximize and prioritize coziness can lead to unbelievable health benefits.

Everyone seems desperate to find something that works for them to live a happier, healthier life, whether competing in 90-minute “space-out competitions” or starting their day at 5:30 am. What are we fighting against, exactly? Chaos. Constant overstimulation. Endless notifications. Economic uncertainty. Burnout at work, burnout at home, and burnout with friends and family. Enter: Cozymaxxing, the latest viral trend sweeping the Internet that asks: What if making our homes as cozy as possible leads to increased mental health?

There is no better feeling than when science confirms your favorite things—delicious cured lox salmon packed with all its glorious fatty acids, swearing like a sailor, and keeping secrets are, in fact, really good for you. And now, you can add cozymaxxing to that list. Scientists are finding that making your space as cozy as humanly possible—effectively, “maxing” it out—can lead to improved health benefits, including lower cortisol levels and better sleep.

cozy, bedroom, warm lighting, blankets, rug Is cozymaxxing the ultimate stress antidote? Science says yes. Photo credit: Canva

Online, cozymaxxing is a choose-your-own adventure trend, with creators showing off their various plush, inches-thick blankets; soft lighting (the trick is to never use overhead bulbs), candles that flicker and smell of your favorite scent (I’m partial to spiced apple toddy, a gift from my mom that’s sitting on my desk right now); and an obligatory mug filled with something nice and warm. For them, it’s not about the furniture you buy or the size of the apartment you live in: cozymaxxing is a state of mind. By using a few tools, like soft lighting and engaging the senses, any moment or space can become “cozy-maxxed,” transforming your current environment into an absolute haven.

As user @cozy.games explains while touring her cozy-maxxed room, “The concept of a cozy hobby room was something I dreamed up years ago when I thought, ‘Hmmm, not quite a craft room, not quite a library, but not a gaming room either!’ As a hobby hoarder, this is the perfect solution! Everything mushed together in the perfect little escape.”

You have to admit, the room looks darn cozy.

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There’s a reading nook lit by the gauzy glow of a paper lantern. There's a large circular chair is an especially enticing focal point, with its opulent, white and fluffy blanket, decorative gingham pillow, and a teeny stuffed rabbit (for company). The duo-use gaming and craft center sits up against the window, where she’s set up an ergonomic desk and chair, along with a pastel-hued keyboard and dozens and dozens of different colored pens. “While a lot of gaming happens here,” creator @cozy.games narrates, “this is where I spread out and do a lot of my more artistic, hands-on hobbies.”

The comments are bright with praise: “Your cozy hobby room is a dream!” writes one person. “I would never leave that room,” says another.

Other commenters fantasize about their future cozymaxxing, with one writing, “This is how I plan to fill my kids' rooms once they are grown and out.”

How is cozymaxxing different from hygge?

Getting snuggly and comfortable are not new concepts, and cozymaxxing itself draws on traditions including “nesting” and hygge. However, as a marketing and branding company, Boxwood, points out that although hygge and cozymaxxing share similarities, they are not the same. “Cozymaxxing is not to be confused with the Danish concept of hygge,” they write. “Hygge emphasizes simplified, comfortable atmospheres and a sense of well-being. It involves creating an uncluttered, inviting environment, often through warm lighting, comfortable textiles, and shared moments with loved ones.”

cozy, bed, comfort, blanket, mug Consider cozymaxxing “hygge on steroids.”Photo credit: Canva

However, cozymaxxing is inherently not minimalist. Consider it “hygge on steroids.” Boxwood describes the difference like this: “[Cozymaxxing] has a more maximalist bent that embraces collecting and layering rather than Hygge, which focuses on decluttering and simplifying.”

Cozymaxxing began to take off online on platforms like TikTok and YouTube at the beginning of 2025. Martha Stewart’s website describes cozymaxxing as “the practice of engaging in multiple self-soothing activities that center around your senses and embody the true essence of comfort. There is no right or wrong way to practice cozymaxxing, as long as you’re doing things that bring on feelings of comfort and calm.”

So, why is cozymaxxing having a moment right now?

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There are multiple reasons why this intentional and serene approach to life might be so enticing, such as:

Burnout: Ken Fierheller, registered psychotherapist at One Life Counseling & Coaching, tells Healthline, “People are burnt out and looking for ways to create little pockets of peace in their lives.” He continues, “There are a lot of stressors in the world right now, and finding little moments of feeling safe and cozy is a great way to relax and de-stress.”
Rejection of hustle culture: In a world where people are trying to maximize so many other parts of their lives, cozymaxxing rejects the idea that life needs to be “perfected” or that the “grind never stops.” In fact, it’s healthy to take pauses: “People are increasingly rejecting the glorification of busyness and hustle culture, opting instead for self-care and balance,” says Ritika Suk Birah, consultant counseling psychologist and founder of Reflect with Dr. Ritz.
Post-pandemic effects: Now that many of us are embracing life at home in a new way, whether that be efficient work from home set-ups, or novel parenting techniques, cozymaxxing offers a way for people to re-discover the power of their personal spaces. Dr. Suk Birah adds, “Economic stress, climate anxiety, and political instability make people crave a sense of safety and control, and we often find this in cozy, familiar environments.”
Health benefits: VeryWellHealth states cozymaxxing is “a minimum-effort way to manage your mental health and relieve stress.” By making time for yourself and bringing an awareness to comfort and ritual creation, cozymaxxing can have a variety of health benefits, including emotional regulation, improved sleep, and reduced cortisol levels.

How to incorporate cozymaxxing into your own life

Inspired? Well, then it’s time to get cozy. Remember, there is no wrong or “right” way to cozymax; it’s all about finding what works best for you.

Create a cozy corner: Like creator @cozy.games, designate a spot in your home for rest, then max out the space out with plush blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals.
Turn the lights down: Instead of harsh overhead lighting, opt for softer, dimmer choices like table lamps, string lights, candles, or salt lamps. An essential oil diffuser with a soft light option, like this one from Muji, can make a world of difference.
Warm beverage ritual: What’s cozier than having a warm mug in your hand? This may take finessing, but find what brew works for you: try decaffeinated options, like lavender, peppermint, fennel, barley, chrysanthemum, or Sleepytime Tea.
Escape into soundscapes: Lure yourself into coziness by playing soft, soothing music in the background, binaural beats, or nature sounds. For an extra-sensory kick, use noise-cancelling headphones.
Scent and ambiance are key: Comforting scents like vanilla, sandalwood, or pine can send cues to the body that it’s time to relax.

The best part about cozymaxxing? You don’t need to spend money. “Don’t feel like you have to buy all the things that are shown in those TikTok videos to practice cozymaxxing,” reports licensed mental health counselor Amber Kinney. “What works for one person might not work for another.” So, the next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, try dialing up the vibes with cozymaxxing. Your nervous system might thank you.

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Mental Health

Steal these 4 questions a 36-year-old happiness researcher asks himself before worrying

“If I’m not feeling better, then it’s quite serious.”

Photo credit: Canva

Dr. Michael Plant developed a checklist for wellbeing.

Whether you’re stuck in a slump or having trouble finding motivation at work, when melancholy strikes, there’s nothing in the world that more appealing than lying in bed for hours. But what if there were a simple tool, like a checklist, that could help pinpoint the reason you’re feeling so glum?

Meet Michael Plant, a 36-year-old global happiness researcher at the Happier Lives Institute, a unique nonprofit that “connects people and organizations together to fund happiness and improve wellbeing around the world.” He’s also a postdoctoral research fellow at Oxford University’s Wellbeing Research Centre, which is responsible for publishing the world’s foremost annual publication on wellbeing, the World Happiness Report. To put it plainly, the man knows how to feel good.

During an interview with CNBC, Plant shared his wisdom: “I have this mental checklist I run through that I write down. So if I’m in a bad mood, I check it,” he explained.

“Have I eaten something? Have I left the house? Have I spoken to someone? And have I exercised? Once I’ve run through those four, if I’m not feeling better, then it’s quite serious.”

Could finding joy really be that simple? The beauty of his checklist lies in its simplicity: by addressing the basic physical and social needs of our bodies first, we might be able to bypass the rushed, hasty conclusions that almost always lead to nowhere. Let’s breakdown each question and why they’re so essential to overall wellbeing.

Question #1: Have I eaten something?

eating well, nutritional psychiatry, diner, meals, food Eating the right foods is crucial for mental health. media3.giphy.com

Our bodies need fuel. A statement that may feel as obvious as “the sky is blue,” but hunger has an enormous impact on our moods and cognitive function. There’s even an entire discipline dedicated to researching the link between what we eat and mood disorders, like depression and anxiety, called “nutritional psychiatry."

In a study published in the Journal of the Missouri State Medical Association, researchers found that several nutritional deficiencies, such as vitamin B12, B9, and zinc, can cause depression and dementia-like symptoms, including low mood, fatigue, cognitive decline, and irritability.

“Like an expensive car, your brain functions best when it gets only premium fuel. Eating high-quality foods that contain lots of vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants nourishes the brain and protects it from oxidative stress... which can damage cells.”
- Dr. Eva Selhub for Harvard Health.

Luckily, you don’t need to seek out expensive supplements or fancy treatments to get back on track.

Vitamin B9, also known as folate or folic acid, naturally occurs in “super” foods like dark leafy greens (kale, spinach, collard greens), legumes (lentils and beans), and nuts and seeds, Similar to B9, zinc-rich foods include shellfish, eggs, red meat, and dairy products.

For an extra bump in Vitamin B12, look to animal products like red meat, chicken, milk, eggs, dairy, and fish. Vegans, however, must be extra vigilant: Stephen Walsh, a Vegan Society Trustee, warns that to avoid deficiencies, vegans must eat fortified foods found in select plant milks and breakfast cereal or take supplements.

Legumes, like beans and lentils, are super foods and chockful of Vitamin B9. Photo credit: Canva

Question #2: Have I left the house?

Exposure to the outdoors is central to Plant’s daily routine. And for good reason: a groundbreaking study published in Scientific Reports indicated that a growing number of epidemiologists are encouraging people to embrace natural environments (think beaches, parks, and woods) on a more regular basis, due to their massive health benefits.

The same study found that spending at least 120 minutes per week in natural environments–just two hours!–significantly lowered cortisol levels, blood pressure, and mental fatigue, while also improving overall mood and cognitive performance: a true win/win.

Spending time in nature for at least two hours a week is great for overall wellbeing. media4.giphy.com

If you, like many others, struggle with getting outside enough, start small. Try eating lunch outside, or take a phone call while walking around the neighborhood. Every moment counts, and even a short five-minute stroll outside could help elevate your mood and reduce stress.

There's an innate need for human connection.media0.giphy.com

Question #3: Have I spoken with someone?

Plant’s third question on his mental checklist recognizes the innate, human need for social connection. In the longest-running study on happiness to date, over 700 people from across the world allowed scientists to monitor and examine their lives and health records for 85 years. It was the Harvard Study of Adult Development, and researchers found that the key to living a long, happy, and healthy life is lies in nurturing your relationships: spouses, family members, friends, and even your acquaintances.

"The surprising finding is that our relationships and how happy we are in our relationships has a powerful influence on our health. Taking care of your body is important, but tending to your relationships is a form of self-care too. That, I think, is the revelation.” - Dr. Waldinger, the psychiatrist who directed the Harvard study.

Plant echoes this, recommending: “Branch out: Do you have weaker ties with people who you see every now and then, who make you feel like part of a community? You have to actively work to form social bonds.”

Question #4: And have I exercised?

Why is Plant’s final question about exercise? It’s because the link between your physical health and mental health are inextricably tied. If one falters, so does the other.

Research on the relationship between exercise and depression found that regular physical activity “releases endorphins, boosts neurotransmitters (serotonin, dopamine), and can match the efficacy of psychotherapy and pharmacotherapy for mild-to-moderate depression.”

Even a simple hike, no matter what the pace, is effective when combatting feeling bad. Photo credit: Canva

That doesn’t mean you have to be Michael Phelps or do Olympic-level training just to feel good. A slow-paced hike on your favorite trail is just as effective as training for a triathlon when it comes to mental wellbeing.

Even just 11 minutes of moderate exercise per day can change your life: it reduces all-cause mortality (death in general) by 23% and lowers the risk of cancer by 7%.

Feel like an impossible task? Try incorporating a few low-effort strategies into your daily life:

Taking the stairs when possible
Intentionally park further away, or get off the train or bus a stop early
Walk during your lunch break
Use a step tracker to stay aware, either with an app or a physical pedometer, like this vintage digital one that fits in your pocket.

Tracking your steps can help motivate you and keep you motivated. media0.giphy.com

Dr. Michael Plant’s four-part checklist may be simple, but aren’t many of the best things in life? This useful blueprint maximizes daily happiness—and quells any fears that something might be seriously wrong with us.

"I don’t think that’s reasonable," he says at the end of the interview regarding “good vibes only” culture. “We should try for good vibes, mostly.” Straightforward and practical, the next time you’re feeling out of control, consider Dr. Plant’s sage four-question checklist.

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wellness

Health

Why you should kickstart your day like an Aussie: They’re masters of morning rituals

Pre-dawn fitness, time by the beach, piping hot coffee, and unique breakfast foods.

Photo credit: Canva

Australians embrace the early morning life.

To most Americans, the average Australian’s morning seems foreign, like something only CEOs and fitness gurus can find the energy to do: hit the beach before sunrise, enjoy the pristine waves, then it’s time for a world-class flat-white at their local cafe. Research has shown that Aussies are among the earliest risers in the world, with a majority of the population waking up before 7am. And that doesn’t just mean they get to see the sunrise: in another study conducted by Emma Sleep, 90% of Australians who woke up before 6am reported that they stuck to a morning routine; 75% said that they prioritized good habits, like making the bed; and 91% said that they never hit the snooze button. Talk about intense.

Pre-dawn fitness, time by the beach, piping hot coffee, and unique breakfast foods. Australia’s vibrant early morning culture is a wonder, one that’s centered around joy and embracing those AM hours most of us try to sleep through. And although it sounds a bit dogmatic, the early riser lifestyle works: Australians who wake up early are reportedly more productive and happier. So, ready to unlock the magic of mornings, Aussie-style? (No, you won’t have to torture yourself with 5 AM alarms, promise.)

First up, exercise

Before heading to work or to school, many Australians start their day with exercise classes, surfing, or some other outdoor activity. “I’m all about not setting the bar impossibly high,” says Turia Pitt, an endurance athlete and motivational speaker, about her morning routine. “At the moment, exercise is more about clearing my head and feeling good about myself, rather than hitting fitness goals. Anything outdoors is always my preference: trail running, surfing or just taking [my son] Hakavai for lots of long walks.”
Exercise is high up on an Australian's to-do list. Photo credit: Canva
It’s no surprise then, that a number of global fitness brands started in Australia, including F45 Training, 12RND Fitness, Body Fit Training, KX Pilates, Happy Melon Studios, and Flow Athletic.

Crazy coffee culture

Everything changed for Australia when Italian and Greek immigrants brought espresso machines to the continent in the 1950s. Although coffee itself had been in the country since the late 1700s, it wasn’t until this wave of European immigrants—who brought with them their cafe traditions—that sparks really began to fly. Today, Australia is home to one of the world’s greatest coffee scenes, with a strong emphasis on skill and high bean quality. Oh, and don’t forget the flat white, the coffee drink that originated in Australia and New Zealand: a delicious double shot of espresso, a bit of steamed milk, and the thinnest layer of velvety micro-foam.

A nice Flat White is the perfect way to start the day.Photo credit: Canva
There’s also a broader social aspect that accompanies Australia’s coffee ritual. People from all walks of life go to cafes to meet and chat with others, effectively replacing traditional pubs as central meeting places, or “third spaces,” in the country.

Don’t forget about “brekkie”

“We’re often encouraged to eat breakfast like a king,” remarks Janine Allis, an Australian entrepreneur and owner of Boost Juice, a multinational smoothie shop. The Australian breakfast, or “brekkie,” as its affectionately called, is hearty. Beyond their beloved avocado toast, you’ll find a blend of American and British colonial influences. There’s the “fry-up,” a hot plate featuring smokey bacon, eggs in whatever way you like them, grilled mushrooms and tomatoes, a delightful grain, like buttery toast—or even better, toast spread with vegemite. This substantial brekkie, among others like Weet-Bix (a slab of whole-grain wheat cereal) or sweetcorn fritters provides the energy necessary for an active morning and productive day, which is why they’ve remained staples across generations.
“I’m quite creative in the mornings, so I channel that time to focus on projects like writing for my books, app and program. I move into more admin and email tasks later in the day,” advises Jessica Sepel, an Aussie nutritionist and bestselling author, when it comes to morning productivity. “Taking a full weekend off – and limiting social media use – helps me to be more productive during the week. Rest is underrated.”

A gorgeous Australian fry-up. Photo credit: Canva

The Australian approach isn’t about “punishing” yourself, or making your body wake up or do unnatural things. It’s quite the opposite: Aussies discover what works best for their body and mind, using a unique blend of values to guide them including vitality, community, quality, and pragmatism.
Or, as Turia Pitt says, “It sounds dramatic, but my morning strategies have changed my life! Do not look at your phone first thing. Getting sucked down the digital vortex is not a positive way to start the day.”
So, whether it’s a dip in the ocean at sunrise, a moment with friends with coffee, or simply enjoying an avocado toast, there are many lessons to be learned from Australia and their early morning culture. Wellness, community, fitness, and pleasure can all be achieved with a little extra time in the morning.

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Mental Health

Wellness expert explains what 'self-care' really is and it's not what we've been sold

Self-care doesn't need to cost you a thing.

Photo credit: Canva

Self-care is not what we've be taught one therapist explains

Self-care. It's something that has been co-opted by wellness influencers and gurus that somehow (and all-too-often) involves spending money on something luxurious. Self-care is often branded as things like pedicures, vacations, and hour-long massages at the spa, but according to Dr. Raquel Martin, we've been doing self-care all wrong.

In July 2024, Martin—a licensed psychologist—uploaded a video to her Instagram explaining what self-care is truly supposed to be. Spoiler alert? It's not meant to be indulgent. At least, indulgence shouldn't be an all-the-time expectation of self-care. Martin acknowledges that the wellness industry has monetized and conflated self-care with self-indulgence, and she explains that having self-care propped up as something that is indulgent isolates people who cannot afford those types of activities.

The psychological toll for conflating self-care with self-indulgence can get dangerously high. In the 2020 Psychology Today article, "Why Does Self-Care Sometimes Feel So Hard?", author and licensed psychologist Alicia H. Clark Psy.D notes that "indulgence stops being self-care when you feel guilty or unhappy with yourself, and this threshold is different for everyone." She goes on to say that "one person's self-caring indulgence can be another's gateway to self-harm, depending on your relationship with the activity, your capacity for moderation, and the reality of its consequences." This makes wellness influencers who tout a heavily indulgent, "treat yo' self" ideology of self-care all the more dangerous. Self-care is not one size fits all, and for those who struggle with self-discipline and moderation, the mindset can do more harm than good.

self-care, indulgence, moderation, treats, discipline Parks And Recreation Treat Yo Self GIFGiphy

So, what is self-care actually? How is it achieved? And is it always supposed to feel good? Dr. Martin goes on to share how she practices self-care, and what she lays out was surprising her viewers. According to Martin, "Self-care is not responding to every call and, if I do not have the bandwidth to have the conversation, stating that I don't have the bandwidth to have the conversation." She also notes that she says "No" to things she doesn't want to do, sets a financial budget, and does not drink caffeine after 4 p.m.

See on Instagram

These things might seem a little boring when compared to indulgent self-care, but one thing is clear: these self-care practices are actually good for Martin's body, health, and overall wellness.

Much of what Martin listed are things a lot of people don't consider as self-care, but in actuality, self-care is defined simply by taking care of one's self. This means practicing self-care is getting in a few minutes of exercise a day, drinking more water, or spending time with friends. You don't have to spend money to care for yourself.

yoga, exercise, movement, body, health, self-care A woman practices Yoga.Image via Canva.

Commenters were shocked and thankful for Martin's clarification on what self-care is actually supposed to be:

"Love this list!! As a massage therapist, I have to call out the misconception that massage is indulgent. I'm always telling my patients that self care is more than a bath. I will be sharing this list with my patients. I'm also trying to make massage more accessible," one person writes.

"Thank you for this post. I’m internalizing your advice to see how I can apply. You resonated with my thoughts on so many levels. However, you also provided some clarity and food for thought/fuel for action," another says.

"I really appreciate what you said about pallet cleansers! Sometimes I get frustrated with myself because I'm not able to read and consume and learn about all the issues different people are facing. It's really important to me to learn about those things, not just for awareness, but also so I can do something about it. But self care is so important throughout that, like leaving my phone in the other room, or watching my comfort shows like you said. I often read kids books or TV because of how horrible the world is right now, and I need something extremely wholesome to balance it out. Also, workshop? I'm not sure what that means but I like learning from you. Thanks," another viewer shares.

So, maybe it's time to collectively ditch those indulgent expectations of self-care and really take a look at ways we can actually care for ourselves instead.

This article originally appeared last year.

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self-care

Wellness

"Time affluence" can radically change how you view your daily life

Not enough hours in the day? This might be for you.

Photo credit: Canva

A powerful new way to take control of your day.

What does it really mean to be wealthy? Having a hefty bank account and multiple streams of income? A fancy job with an even fancier-sounding name? ("Director" has a nice ring to it, don't you think?) There are a million ways to answer this question, but before you do, ask yourself one more: Will that really make me happy? While many of us would love a few more hours in the day, our actions don't reflect that. Often, we as a society spend an inordinate time dedicated to money: making it and saving it. But what about leisure time or rest? Yes, money is important, but without the time to do things we actually enjoy, what’s the point?

A growing body of research suggests something revolutionary: that a concept called “time affluence” is the true measure of a person's wealth. Rather than nice cars or a corner office in a high-rise building downtown, time affluence is the real key to happiness and well-being. Time affluence refers to the idea that, like money, time is a resource that can be saved, spent, and wasted. According to Ashley V. Whillans, a professor of business administration at Harvard Business School and the author of Time Smart: How to Reclaim Your Time and Live a Happier Life, time affluence is the “feeling of having control and feeling like you have enough time on an everyday basis.” Her research indicates that those who value time over money tend to live happier, more civically engaged lives and are more inclined to pursue activities they’re passionate about.

So, why do so many of us feel like we’re running out of time?

Meet “time poverty”

Time affluence exists on a spectrum, with "time poverty" at the opposite end. While time-affluent people experience increased autonomy, improved moods, and enhanced states of mindfulness, those experiencing time poverty live in a world of constant stress. They remain fixated on work and productivity, feeling perpetually overwhelmed by an endless list of tasks with seemingly insufficient time to complete them. Research shows that time poverty leads to decreased well-being, poor physical health, and reduced productivity—yet why aren't we addressing this crisis? While billions are invested yearly to combat material poverty, while time poverty remains largely ignored and continues to worsen.

Why aren't we addressing this growing crisis?Photo credit: Canva

Our relationship with time reveals a troubling reality. Despite the rise of time-saving technologies in recent decades—from Internet to personal computers—these innovations and productivity tools haven't fundamentally changed how we use our time, nor have they increased our sense of time affluence. A 2010 study found that merely 9% of adults reported "quite often" having free time, while 45% claimed they were almost "never free."

Even Whillans recognized something was wrong when she, a successful Harvard Business School professor on the tenure track, felt chronically short on time. Despite her material wealth—the pay, prestige, and job security—she never allowed herself to rest. Her calendar was filled with meetings, but she left herself no space for leisure or personal pursuits. "Focusing our time is not selfish. It's really about making enough time for ourselves that we're able to have the energy and attention to best serve those that we care about," Whillans explained during a presentation in 2020. "We want to be reframing our time to see leisure as something that's productive and restful, and an end to itself."

The elusive concept of “time affluence”

Here's the paradox: having more money or time doesn't necessarily solve the problem—it can actually make it worse. In a study by Sanford E. DeVoe and Jeffrey Pfeffer in 2011, researchers found that people who placed a higher financial value on time (following the old adage "time is money") reported increased time pressure and showed less patience. Similarly, other research indicates that when people overly focus on time's value, they also experience greater psychological and physiological stress, and are less likely to slow down or enjoy leisure activities.

When it comes to well-being, time does not equal money. Photo credit: Canva

But...too much time can be a problem, too. In a study conducted by Cassie Mogilner Holmes, a psychologist and professor at UCLA’s Anderson School of Management, she looked at the relationship between leisure time and happiness. On one hand, she found that people with less than two hours a day of free time reported decreased levels of happiness. On the other hand, those with more than five hours of free time per day also reported decreased levels of happiness. What’s going on here? It seems that the key to time affluence, which Holmes defines as “feeling confident that you are able to accomplish everything you want to do"—isn’t the abundance of free time or having unlimited hours in the day. “While having some time (i.e. more than two hours) is essential, the positive correlation between time and satisfaction only goes so far,” writes Barnaby Lashbrooke for Forbes. “Being time affluent, then, is less about having an excess of time, and actually about how you use the limited time that you do have.”

How to become time-affluent

So, you want to become time-affluent? Experts suggest the following strategies:

Prioritize ruthlessly. With limited hours in each day, it makes sense to tackle the most important tasks first. Some people follow the Ivy Lee Method, which involves writing down your five most important tasks each evening, then completing them one by one the next day. Others prefer the "1-3-5" rule—focusing on one big task, three medium tasks, and five small tasks daily. Whichever method you choose, always ask yourself: What's the most urgent and important task? Start there.
Buy back time by outsourcing tasks. While money can't buy happiness directly, it can buy precious time through strategic outsourcing. A few well-spent dollars can free you from tasks you dislike or find draining. Consider hiring a house cleaner or paying more in rent to live closer to work. As Laurie Santos, a psychologist and happiness researcher, says, "Studies show that people who spend money to get more free time are often happier than those who don't." But remember—outsourcing doesn't always require money. You can lean on your community, such as arranging alternating school drop-off schedules with neighbors.
Practice “monotasking.” By now, most people know that multitasking isn’t real. It’s a myth—the human mind and brain aren’t sophisticated enough to perform more than two tasks simultaneously. So, do the opposite. Focus on one thing at a time.
Be intentional about leisure time. “We want to be reframing our time to see leisure as something that’s productive and restful, and an end to itself,” advises Whillans. “Focusing on time is not selfish. It’s really in making enough time for ourselves that we’re able to have the energy and attention to best serve those that we care about.” Just like an important meeting or appointment, block time off on your calendar to dedicate purely to leisure and rest. By doing so, you are committing to caring about your well-being, and it’s just as essential as work.

In a world that's always demanding “more” of us—earn more, buy more, do more—perhaps what’s most revolutionary is reclaiming our time. And with it, our happiness.

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Question #1: Have I eaten something?

Question #2: Have I left the house?

Question #3: Have I spoken with someone?

Question #4: And have I exercised?

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Don’t forget about “brekkie”

Wellness expert explains what 'self-care' really is and it's not what we've been sold

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