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Resurfaced clip of 3-year-old girl explaining 'self love' in less than a minute is pure joy

"Sometimes you need to talk to a three-year-old to understand a thing about life."

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A young girl and a woman hug themselves in an act of self-love.

There are times that age has nothing to do with wisdom. In fact, sometimes the pureness of youth can help us grasp ideas many of us spend a lifetime wrestling to understand. A video of a three-year-old girl being interviewed by her father has resurfaced recently on social media. In 50 seconds flat, she sums up the importance of self-love so beautifully and simply and is bringing true joy to many who watch.

Conor T. Murphy has occasional chats with his daughter Ty, who just turned six last week. On one occasion, he asked her point blank, "When do you feel loved?" She thinks for a split second and answers, "When someone hugs me and when I'm not lonely." He repeats these words back to her and she adds, "And when I hug myself."

@conortmurphy

Self love advice from Dr. Ty


He asks, "Do you think it's important to hug yourself? Why?" She answers without blinking, "Just because I'm a doctor." He affirms that she is, indeed, a doctor, and questions, "So because you're a doctor, you know that hugging yourself is helpful?" She adds, "It makes me feel relaxed."

He follows up, "Can you show me how you hug yourself?" Ty proceeds to give herself a huge bear hug, while smiling. "That's what we call self-love," Conor tells her. "And it's important, right?" She agrees emphatically. "Yeah, we have to love ourselves." He wraps it up by saying, "I think that's two very important lessons. We have to love ourselves—and everyone poops."

(The last line was not apropos of nothing. He is referring to a segment earlier in their conversation, wherein he brought up the topic of going to the bathroom. She adorably exclaims she is not afraid to poop!)

@conortmurphy

Everybody poops. “We really need to talk abut this” 😂😂


The comments were so truly wholesome. On TikTok, a person referenced Ty's "medical career," and asked, "Can she give me prescriptions for hugs, please?"

Another noted that Conor seems like a truly wonderful father, writing, "Dude, she's amazing. Good job Dad, you're doing a darn good job."

Just a few days ago, Conor posted a photo of himself with Ty on Instagram, celebrating her birthday. He writes, "One of my favorite things to do is answer people when they ask how my daughter is. If you have met her before, you understand why this brings me so much joy to answer this truthfully and wholeheartedly. Happy Birthday, Ty. 6 years old today. Seems like she was a 1 year old yesterday."

Again, the comments show love for both Ty and Conor. One writes, "Happy Birthday Sweet Ty! You are genuinely one of my favorite people whom I’ve never met."

Experts have discussed the importance of self-love over the centuries. Psychologist Sharon Martin, DSW, LCSW explains in a piece for Psychology Today, "Self-love entails accepting yourself wholeheartedly, treating yourself with kindness and respect, and prioritizing your physical and emotional health. It goes beyond mere actions and extends to your thoughts and feelings about yourself."

She illustrates helpful ways that one can practice self-love. Among many, one that stood out is the idea of "celebrating your achievements." We forget sometimes how far we've come. Martin reminds us, "Acknowledging and celebrating your accomplishments, no matter how big or small. For example, treat yourself to something you enjoy, reflect on your growth, or share your successes with trusted friends or loved ones."

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University, is quoted in an article for Verywell Mind noting that the love that we give ourselves will help the love that we have for others feel secure and healthy: "It’s important to have self-worth because it impacts everything you do from your relationships, to how you work, how you feel about yourself, and how others view you."

Conor T Murphy and his daughter Ty discuss important matters. www.youtube.com, Bignight Media

If at such a young age Ty has this much figured out, imagine what wisdom she'll impart as she continues to grow!

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People are applauding one woman's unique theory that 'baddies' actually make the best moms

A happy mother is a good mother.

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Three kinds of "baddie" moms.

One mom is giving the whole “take care of yourself first” adage a refreshingly cool spin. Her advice?

“Be a baddie first, and a mom second.”

In a clip posted to her TikTok, Mary Wilson (@theemarywilson) argued that "women who are baddies first and mother second are actually the best moms," since “moms who feel good about themselves are better mothers. When you take care of yourself first, you're better able to take care of your kids."

Sure, we’ve all heard the phrase "Put on your own oxygen mask first.” While the meaning behind this metaphor—the importance of self care taking precedence—is certainly true, it’s not quite as intriguing as being a “baddie,” is it? Because, let's be honest, who doesn't want to feel like a baddie?

@theemarywilson

Baddie 1st, mom 2nd #momlife #momsoftiktok #motherhood #mothersday

And of course, this can look different for everyone. As Wilson shared with Newsweek, her “baddie routine” consists of maintaining her hair and nails, making time for daily walks, watching her favorite reality shows, attending therapy, reading, and trying new hobbies. But for someone else, it might be reading a book, going to school, finding a rigorous workout class…the point is to do something that fills your cup, makes you feel good in your body (sexy, even!), and keeps you stimulated.

Basically, “Whatever makes you feel like a baddie, make sure you do it,” Wilson advised.

And of course, the added benefit—besides just feeling great—is the effect it’ll have on kids as well.

moms, motherhood, self care for moms, self care, kids, raising kids, mental health, wellbeing, women's health“Kids love to see their mothers happy. Your happy energy makes them happy."Photo credit: Canva

“Kids love to see their mothers happy. Your happy energy makes them happy,” said Wilson. Or, in other words, “a happy mother is a good mother.” Not to mention, "It also sets a great example for my child as he grows into adulthood knowing that self-worth and happiness matters," she told Newsweek.

Wilson’s video, which racked up over 270,000 views, seemed to really resonate with other moms.

“You should always be your child’s first example of what 'self love’ looks like," one person wrote.

Another shared, “I got pregnant again and wasn’t getting my hair/nails done etc. and when I finally did again my son was like who is thatttt. I won’t ever let myself go again!”

And, as one viewer noted, this concept is “100% scientifically proven.” Multiple studies have shown the correlation between mama’s wellbeing and that of her kiddos. One study from Harvard even showed that a mother’s warmth and happiness could literally predict her children’s emotional and social development.

moms, motherhood, self care for moms, self care, kids, raising kids, mental health, wellbeing, women's health“You should always be your child’s first example of what 'self love’ looks like."Photo credit: Canva

Of course, this should by no means make moms feel pressured to always put on a happy face in front of their children, but it does offer a kind reminder that self care takes care of more than just the self. Parenting means making sacrifices, sure, but more and more moms are choosing more for themselves than being martyrs and 24/7 caretakers. And lo and behold, it is not only possible, but beneficial—for moms, for kids, for everyone.

Hopefully this acts as your own personal permission slip to do whatever makes you feel like a baddie today, whether you're a mother or not.

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Wellness expert explains what 'self-care' really is and it's not what we've been sold

Self-care doesn't need to cost you a thing.

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Self-care is not what we've be taught one therapist explains

Self-care. It's something that has been co-opted by wellness influencers and gurus that somehow (and all-too-often) involves spending money on something luxurious. Self-care is often branded as things like pedicures, vacations, and hour-long massages at the spa, but according to Dr. Raquel Martin, we've been doing self-care all wrong.

In July 2024, Martin—a licensed psychologist—uploaded a video to her Instagram explaining what self-care is truly supposed to be. Spoiler alert? It's not meant to be indulgent. At least, indulgence shouldn't be an all-the-time expectation of self-care. Martin acknowledges that the wellness industry has monetized and conflated self-care with self-indulgence, and she explains that having self-care propped up as something that is indulgent isolates people who cannot afford those types of activities.

The psychological toll for conflating self-care with self-indulgence can get dangerously high. In the 2020 Psychology Today article, "Why Does Self-Care Sometimes Feel So Hard?", author and licensed psychologist Alicia H. Clark Psy.D notes that "indulgence stops being self-care when you feel guilty or unhappy with yourself, and this threshold is different for everyone." She goes on to say that "one person's self-caring indulgence can be another's gateway to self-harm, depending on your relationship with the activity, your capacity for moderation, and the reality of its consequences." This makes wellness influencers who tout a heavily indulgent, "treat yo' self" ideology of self-care all the more dangerous. Self-care is not one size fits all, and for those who struggle with self-discipline and moderation, the mindset can do more harm than good.

self-care, indulgence, moderation, treats, discipline Parks And Recreation Treat Yo Self GIFGiphy

So, what is self-care actually? How is it achieved? And is it always supposed to feel good? Dr. Martin goes on to share how she practices self-care, and what she lays out was surprising her viewers. According to Martin, "Self-care is not responding to every call and, if I do not have the bandwidth to have the conversation, stating that I don't have the bandwidth to have the conversation." She also notes that she says "No" to things she doesn't want to do, sets a financial budget, and does not drink caffeine after 4 p.m.

These things might seem a little boring when compared to indulgent self-care, but one thing is clear: these self-care practices are actually good for Martin's body, health, and overall wellness.

Much of what Martin listed are things a lot of people don't consider as self-care, but in actuality, self-care is defined simply by taking care of one's self. This means practicing self-care is getting in a few minutes of exercise a day, drinking more water, or spending time with friends. You don't have to spend money to care for yourself.

yoga, exercise, movement, body, health, self-careA woman practices Yoga.Image via Canva.

Commenters were shocked and thankful for Martin's clarification on what self-care is actually supposed to be:

"Love this list!! As a massage therapist, I have to call out the misconception that massage is indulgent. I'm always telling my patients that self care is more than a bath. I will be sharing this list with my patients. I'm also trying to make massage more accessible," one person writes.

"Thank you for this post. I’m internalizing your advice to see how I can apply. You resonated with my thoughts on so many levels. However, you also provided some clarity and food for thought/fuel for action," another says.

"I really appreciate what you said about pallet cleansers! Sometimes I get frustrated with myself because I'm not able to read and consume and learn about all the issues different people are facing. It's really important to me to learn about those things, not just for awareness, but also so I can do something about it. But self care is so important throughout that, like leaving my phone in the other room, or watching my comfort shows like you said. I often read kids books or TV because of how horrible the world is right now, and I need something extremely wholesome to balance it out. Also, workshop? I'm not sure what that means but I like learning from you. Thanks," another viewer shares.

So, maybe it's time to collectively ditch those indulgent expectations of self-care and really take a look at ways we can actually care for ourselves instead.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Mental Health

What parents teach kids when we allow them to take a 'mental health day'

With zero hesitation—just a simple, "OK"—he turned the car around and took me home, and it's a lesson I've never forgotten.

Photo by Darwin Vegher on Unsplash

With one turn of the wheel, my dad taught me a lesson about self-care in high school that I'll never forget.

When I was in high school, I woke up one morning feeling overwhelmed. I was an honors student, I was involved in various activities and clubs, and for whatever reason, I felt thoroughly unprepared for the day. I don't recall if I had a test or a presentation or if it was just a normal school day that I couldn't face—I just remember feeling like I'd hit a wall and couldn't make my mental gears turn right.

I usually walked the mile and a half to school, but I was running late so my dad offered to drive me. In the car, I tried to keep it together, but halfway to school, the tears started to fall. My dad looked over and asked if I was OK.

"I don't know," I sobbed. "I feel like … I just … I need a day."

He knew I wasn't sick. He could have told me to tough it out. He could have given me a pep talk. He could have forced me to go. But he didn't do any of those things.

With zero hesitation—and just a simple "OK"—he turned the car around and took me home.

I have no memory of what I did the rest of that day. Three decades later, the only thing that sticks out is the basic-but-profound lesson my dad instilled in me the moment he turned that steering wheel: It's totally OK to take care of yourself.

We talked about it briefly on the way home. As it turned out, he was also taking a "mental health day." My dad was a social worker and, as an adult, I can totally understand why he would need to take a random day off sometimes. But it didn't really matter what he did for a living. Most of us need an occasional mental health day—adults, teens, and kids alike.

mental health day, mental health, relax, self care, kids, teens, adultsGirl relaxing in nature. Image via Canva.

Some schools have begun incorporating this understanding into their school attendance policies. Utah passed a bill in 2018 that allows a mental health day to count as an excused absence from school. Oregon enacted a similar law in 2019 and Arizona, Colorado, Connecticut, Illinois, Maine, Nevada and Virginia have followed suit. In a 2023 article, Verywell Mind noted all the US states that are either allowing student mental health days or have proposed bills to get the ball rolling.

“Mental health days are not only good for the practical aspect of giving young people a break," psychologist Caroline Clauss-Ehlers, Ph.D., told Healthline in 2020, "but they also validate that the community and society are saying, 'We understand and we’re supporting you in this way.'”

Occupational therapist Shelli Dry concurs, telling Healthline that acceptance of mental health days can help eliminate the stigma that often comes with mental illness.

“For schools to recognize that sometimes it’s better to take a mental health day than push through when you cannot seem to cope, is a tremendous support for students to feel understood and accepted, and [this, in turn, encourages] students to understand and accept themselves more,” she said.

kids relaxing, mental health day, mental health, self care, relaxation, kidsKids relaxing.Image via Canva.

Sometimes we forget how hard it is being a kid. In some ways, I think it's way harder than being an adult. Considering the fact that 1 in 6 kids between the ages of six and 17 experience a mental health disorder each year, we need to acknowledge that a lot of kids have days where they're struggling. But even kids who don't deal with mental illness sometimes need a down day. Modern life is busy and complex, no matter our age. Managing it all daily—and then also handling whatever extra stuff life throws at us—is a lot.

Part of good parenting is teaching kids to persevere through challenges, but encouraging perseverance has to be balanced with insight and wisdom. Sometimes kids might cry wolf, but it's important for parents to understand that kids might be dealing with more than we know. Sometimes kids need to be encouraged to dig deep for resilience. Sometimes kids have already been resilient for a long time and need a little time and space to just be.

My dad knew me. He understood that I wasn't just being lazy or trying to get out of doing something hard. He trusted me to know what I needed, which in turn taught me to listen to my inner alarm and trust myself. As a result, I've spent my adult life with a good sense of when I need to push through and when I need to pause and reset—a gift I'm immensely grateful for.

All of that said, this advice does come with a caveat. As a parent of kids who are learning to manage anxiety, mental health days can be a mixed bag. There's a difference between taking a mental health day because you really need it—which happens—and taking a mental health day to avoid facing fears—which also happens. Avoidance feels good in the moment but fuels anxiety in the long run, so parents and kids have to be aware of how the idea can be misused and unintentionally make certain mental health issues worse.

mental health, discernment, parents, kids, self care, good parentingDad walking child to school. Image via Canva.

The bottom line, however, is that kids need breaks sometimes. And when you allow them to take an occasional day here and there to breathe, to do some self-care, to reconnect with themselves and reset their mental and emotional barometer, you teach them that their well-being matters. You teach them that it's OK to acknowledge when they've hit a limit and pause to recoup their strength.

It's OK to turn the car around when you know you need to. That's a lesson we all need to learn, and one we need to support with work and school policies in addition to internalizing individually. We're making some good strides toward that goal, and the sooner we all get on the same page, the better everyone's well-being will be.

To learn more about how to help kids and teens with their mental health and self-care practices, The Kids Mental Health Foundation has tons of resources for parents, caregivers, teachers, coaches, and more.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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