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self care

Mental Health

Wellness expert explains what 'self-care' really is and it's far from what we've been sold

Self-care doesn't need to cost you a thing.

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Self-care is not what we've be taught one therapist explains

Self-care. It's something that has been co-opted by wellness influencers and gurus that somehow always involve spending money on something luxurious. Self-care is often branded as things like pedicures, vacations and hour long massages at the spa but according to Dr. Raquel Martin, we've been doing self-care all wrong.

Martin is a licensed psychologist and recently uploaded a video where she explains what self-care is truly supposed to be–it's not indulgent. At least indulgence shouldn't be an all the time expectation of self-care though she acknowledges that the wellness industry has monetized the decadent vision of self-care. Martin explains that having self-care propped up as something that is indulgent isolates people who cannot afford those types of activities.

The psychologist goes on to share how she practices self-care, surprising viewers, "not responding to every call and if I do not have the bandwidth to have the conversation, stating that I don't have the bandwidth to have the conversation." She also says she says no to things she doesn't want to do, setting a financial budget, and not drinking caffeine after 4 PM.

Things Martin listed are things a lot of people don't think about as self-care but in actuality, self-care is defined by taking care of one's self. This means practicing self-care is getting in a few minutes of exercise a day, drinking more water or spending time with friends watching mindless television. You don't have to spend money to care for yourself. Commenters were shocked and thankful for Martin's clarification on what self-care is actually supposed to be.



"Love this list!! As a massage therapist, I have to call out the misconception that massage is indulgent. I'm always telling my patients that self care is more than a bath. I will be sharing this list with my patients. I'm also trying to make massage more accessible," one person writes.

"Thank you for this post. I’m internalizing your advice to see how I can apply. You resonated with my thoughts on so many levels. However, you also provided some clarity and food for thought/fuel for action," another says.

"I really appreciate what you said about pallet cleansers! Sometimes I get frustrated with myself because I'm not able to read and consume and learn about all the issues different people are facing. It's really important to me to learn about those things, not just for awareness, but also so I can do something about it. But self care is so important throughout that, like leaving my phone in the other room, or watching my comfort shows like you said. I often read kids books or TV because of how horrible the world is right now, and I need something extremely wholesome to balance it out. Also, workshop? I'm not sure what that means but I like learning from you. Thanks," someone shares.

So maybe it's time to collectively ditch those indulgent expectations of self-care and really take a look at ways we care for ourselves instead.

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Mental Health

3 signs you might need to take a mental health day and how to talk to your employer about it

Mental health days can be very good for business.

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3 signs you might need to take a mental health day from work

People are starting to take their mental health more seriously and utilizing mental health day. Some companies have even started offering mental health days for their employees on top of their regular sick and vacation days to ensure their employees needs are met. But how do you know it may be time to take a mental health day before you're burned out completely?

One of the coolest things about our bodies is that it gives us cues on what it needs. We're used to the loud physical cues like a grumbling tummy that lets you know it's time to eat or excessive yawning and dry eyes that tell you its time to sleep. But there are other cues that we have either overlooked or haven't quite learned to recognize what our body is trying to tell us and those have to do with needing a mental health break.

When we think of our mental health, we don't often think about the physical symptoms that can be a precursor to emotional symptoms. It's the emotional symptoms that generally get our attention that say something may be bothering us, but our bodies give us clues. Maybe we should listen a bit more closely.

1. You're always tired.

It doesn't seem to matter how much sleep you got the night before, as soon as you get to work, you're exhausted. All you can think about is going home and crawling back in bed. But when your shift is over, suddenly your energy rebounds and you feel like you can do everything you want to do.

2. Frequent headaches

It's normal to get a headache every once in a while but for some reason you seem to only get them when you're either at work, thinking about work or are getting ready to go to work. Could it be that work is giving you the headache? Possibly. Instead of stocking up on Aleve, you might just need a staycation for a couple of days to reset.

3. Muscle pain

For some reason your shoulders, neck and jaw muscles are always tight and you can't figure out why. You try working the knots out yourself and even trade shoulder massages with your officemate but it keeps coming back. It could be tension that you're carrying from work. Our shoulders, necks and jaws are places that tend to hold a lot of our tension so if you're noticing constant muscle tightness in those areas while at work, it's probably time to check in with yourself.

Of course, many of us ignore these physical symptoms of stress and push through, which can cause us to be more curt, snippy, easily irritated and flustered. Once you surpass the obvious symptoms that often feel like undue irritation, we can then slide into crying on breaks, heightened anxiety, feelings of depression, and more. Unfortunately, many people wait until they reach the more disruptive stages before recognizing they need to take a mental health break.

Now that you know the symptoms, how do you ask for a break? If you're not working for yourself, chances are you're reporting to a boss of some sort and will need to disclose you'd like to take a mental health break. If don't work for a company that offers them, you can send an email or ask for a meeting.

You could say something along the lines of, "I'm really invested in the success of the company and my role within in it. In order for me to continue being successful and showing up at my best, I'd like to take two days off next week to focus on my mental health and recharging my battery."

Depending on your company policy, you may need to give more notice. If it's an emergent mental health situation it's always best practice to be candid about your needs without disclosing an excessive amount of unneeded information.

This article was written by Jacalyn Wetzel, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and practicing therapist.

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Health

Why people are longing for the old Scottish habit of 'hurkle-durkling' to finally get good rest

You might have already hurkle-durkled this week.

Representative Image from Canva

Wondering where she got that rested glow? She hurkle-durkled.

Hurkle-durkle might be the silliest word ever, but it could be the missing step in your self-care.

Hurkle-durkling simply means to linger in bed long past the time when you “should” already be up. It’s a Scottish term dating back to the 1800s—-originally having more to do with sitting in a crouching position either for warmth or secrecy, but eventually taking on a more relaxed and positive connotation.

It’s a word that only the biggest etymology enthusiast would know, had it not been plucked from obscurity thanks to TikTok.

The viral trend seems to have started with actress Kira Kosarin sharing it as her “word of the day,” joking that “I do be hurkling, and I do be durkling and once I’ve hurkled my last durkle in a given morning I will get up, but I’m a big fan of a hurkle-durkle.”

@kirakosarin

hurkle-durkle, u deserve it <3

♬ original sound - Kira Kosarin

Kosarin’s clip prompted others to share videos of themselves enjoying a good hurkle-durkling, blissfully wrapped in their sheets, basking in the sunlight, leisurely reading, etc.

One woman hailing from Scotland even joked, “[The Scottish] knew it was so critical to well-being they made a whole term about it. So no I’m not being lazy or wasting my life. I’m practicing an ancestral right of passage. I’m connecting with my culture and heritage.”

At this point you might be thinking, wait, isn’t this just bed-rotting?

Bed-rotting, another TikTok trend about lying in bed, and hurkle-durkling are similar, but have very different contexts. Bed-rotting has more to do with symptoms of burnout and fatigue, whereas hurkle-durkling is a bit more hygge, if you will. It’s seen as a pleasurable activity meant to promote rest for overall well being. Plus a hurkle-durkle has an end in sight, whereas bedrotting can take up an entire weekend, or longer.

And now matter how silly hurkle-durkle sounds, it could be seriously good for us. Research has shown that sleeping in, even a couple days a week, reduce the chances of a heart attack or stroke by 63%, especially for folks who get less than 6 hours of sleep through the rest of the week. (So, everyone, basically). Not only that, but getting those few extra minutes of shut-eye from hitting the snooze can help increase alertness and boost our mood.

Really, as with any self care practice, balance is key. Experts warn against staying in bed as an everyday practice or to avoid responsibilities an uncomfortable feelings, especially as too much inactivity can worsen feelings of depression. But when done mindfully and moderately, it can be the rejuvenation we long for, that so many of us don’t grant ourselves.

In fact, Kristin Wilson, a licensed professional counselor and chief experience officer, told Yahoo Life that perhaps so many people are leaning into silly, catchy terms like hurkle-durkle because they make rest and self-care, activities many Americans "are hesitant to celebrate and fully embrace,” more accessible.

"Sometimes our bodies just need a break, and we don’t want to feel guilty about taking time to rest," she explained. "Giving this behavior a clever social media name can make it feel more socially acceptable and when it trends and becomes popular, it normalizes the need for relaxation within the community of followers."

So with that, show yourself some love with a little hurkle-durkle. It’s fun to say, and oh so important to do.

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Health

Why little things can make us feel so good, and why we don't need to feel guilty about it.

Ready to stop feeling guilty for enjoying the things you enjoy? Just take a look at the science.

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Science seeks to discover the rules of happiness.

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How excited would you be if you discovered that your guilty pleasures don't always need to make you feel guilty?

Like what if the blissful satisfaction you get from that slice of warm apple pie isn’t necessarily evidence of an intervention-level addiction to sugar and carbs (despite what that magazine cover told you) but could also just be a sign that you’re craving connection and feeling nostalgic?

Or that embarrassingly joyful feeling you have when small, random objects fit perfectly into another may not be a sign that you have obsessive compulsive disorder but just that you, like most people, really appreciate small moments of order in a chaotic world?

In other words, what if we could trace our feelings of happiness and satisfaction back to our brains and our humanity — and just a little farther away from the guilt-riddled land of right and wrong?

Well, according to science, maybe we can.

Over the past decade, a lot of research has been done into the science — both neurobiological and psychological — around why certain things make us feel so darn good. The science of happiness and satisfaction is a broad, relatively new area of study, and even though, like most big scientific questions, it will take a long time to have definitive answers, a few themes seem to be emerging from the research.

If true, they would be pretty powerful antidotes to the shame-based culture that makes us feel guilty about everything from a blissful bite of chocolate to our pursuit of wealth.

addiction, drive, success, indulgence

Large portions of chocolate and money.

Picture created via images Pixabay.

So without further ado, here are three ideas about satisfaction and happiness that could make you feel a bit more ... happy and satisfied.

1. It's possible that our brain wiring has a lot to do with how happy we feel.

biology, happiness, anxiety, lifestyle

A representation of the brain reacting to happiness.

Image via Pixabay.

Researchers at Kyoto University used MRI scans to see if they could find where happiness actually happens in the brain. The results showed there was a positive relationship between an individual's subjective happiness score and gray matter volume on the right precuneus (an area in the medial parietal lobe of the brain, located at the top of your head, toward the back). People who were more content with their lives had a larger precuneus. They also found that the same area was associated with positive and negative emotional intensity and life satisfaction.

So while we know that pleasure is both genetic and learned (nature and nurture), it is good to understand that overall happiness and satisfaction is also made up of a lot of factors. Good old biology may be one of them.

2. Some things that we're told "shouldn't" affect our happiness actually do — but not as much as we think.

Does money buy happiness? Well, despite the sweet old moral adage that says it can't, the science tells a different story. Studies show that our instinct (the one that we would never tell our kids about but deep down inside we think is true) is right: Money can increase our life satisfaction. Statistically speaking, household income is strongly related to both emotional well-being and a person's quality of life assessment. In other words, you don't have to feel amoral or greedy for always wanting more money. It makes sense!

But it's the why that's important and can reduce our anxiety a bit. Money increases our life satisfaction in as much as it helps us satisfy other evolutionary needs (like our desire for safety, freedom, health, or novelty, for example) and only up to a certain point. Studies show that after a certain amount, it has diminishing marginal returns on our satisfaction. So we can calm the never-ending desire for more — and stop comparing ourselves to the uber-rich. They aren't that much happier than the rest of us!

3. Overall life satisfaction leads to longer life. (Duh.)

In a nine-year-long study published by Chapman University that looked at adults over 50, the researchers learned that as participants' life satisfaction increased, the risk of mortality was reduced by 18%. By contrast, greater variability in life satisfaction was associated with a 20% increased risk of mortality.

So what's the actionable takeaway here? If we know that life satisfaction is tied to our mortality, it probably makes sense for us to spend time learning what brings us true satisfaction and fulfillment and actually pursuing those things ... right? Allowing ourselves guilt-free pleasures as well as investing in the deeper things that bring us overall life satisfaction isn't a selfish pursuit. It really may be a life-saving (or at least life-extending) measure!

This article originally appeared on 05.16.16

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