I accidentally discovered the perfect houseplant for people who murder houseplants
I thought I had a fake plant for months and cared for it accordingly.

Get yourself one of these babies if you can't keep plants alive.
Confession: I am a houseplant serial killer.
I don't want to be a plant murderer. I adore plants. Greenery is my thing. I'd have a whole house full of lush houseplants if I had any shade of green thumb, but sadly, I do not.
People who know this about me have tried to gift me plants that are supposedly low-maintenance. I can't count how many times I've heard, "Trust me, you can't kill it!" while someone hands me a beautiful plant that I absolutely, positively can and will kill. Yes, even succulents. Even cactus. I can kill anything that grows in dirt. I'm exceptionally skilled at it, in fact.
As a result of this regrettable reality, I have just a few real plants in my home that have miraculously survived my deadly presence over the years. The rest of my plants are fake to satisfy my desire for greenery without triggering my murder shame, which leads me to how I accidentally discovered the perfect houseplant for plant killers like myself.

I bought this cute little fake plant some months back thinking it was a fairly realistic dupe. The green color was a little bright, but the dappled effect helped offset the boldness of it. It sat on the shelf in my kitchen next to the window, and I'd occasionally take it down to dust it.
But one time when I took it down, I noticed that the tip of one of the leaves seemed to have a little imperfection in it.
"Huh," I thought. "They really made this thing look real, didn't they? Impressive."

Then I pulled back the bottom leaves and saw that there seemed to be real dirt in the pot.
"Huh," I thought. "That's…odd. Why would they bother to use real dirt for a fake plant?"
Then I noticed that there was some dry-looking light brown stuff at the base of the leaves.
"Huh," I thought. "Now, wait a minute…"

I ran my fingers over the leaves, which felt waxy and fake and looked nearly perfect. There was no way this was a real plant. I'd had it for months—I don't know how many, but at least two. I had never watered it. Not once. It had remained the same that whole time. The leaves felt like plastic. The green was so very green.
That imperfection at the leaf tip didn't convince me at first because I figured maybe I just hadn't noticed it before. And I didn't want to break off a leaf to check for sure because 1) I didn't want to ruin a perfectly good fake plant and 2) As a bona fide plant murderer, surely my breaking off a leaf would be a bad omen of some sort if it were real.
I took a photo and did a Google image search, and that's when I discovered that what I thought was a fake plant was, in fact, real. A genuine, living plant in real dirt. Barely affected by the months of my outright neglect. Impressive and hardy, despite my absolute best accidental attempt to kill it.

The Bird's Nest Snake Plant (Sansevieria trifasciata "Hahnii")
Yes, I know, I know. I'm an idiot when it comes to plants. You can see why I kill them so often. But the Bird's Nest Snake Plant is seriously the best plant I've ever had. This is the plant everyone should have been giving me, saying I couldn't kill it. Now that I've started watering it very, very occasionally, it's even started to grow a bit. It's almost like it just sat there in a dormant state for months, not dying but not growing, waiting for me to notice that it was real (part of me wonders if maybe I loved it enough for it to become real—The Velveteen Houseplant, if you will).
Snake plants are succulents, but unlike most succulents, they don't require a lot of sunlight. They do just fine in indirect light, which is why my shelf next to the window seems to work well for mine. Like other succulents, they require little water and the soil should be allowed to dry out completely between waterings.

In fact—and this is the best part—they "thrive on neglect." They are drought tolerant and more prone to overwatering than underwatering. Though the recommended watering schedules is every 2-4 weeks, if you forget for longer than that, it's probably not going to hurt it. That was 100% my experience, and yet, it's still as beautifully green as any well-watered normal plant. And it's a good plant for air purifying to boot.
If, like mine, your murderous tendencies are a result of neglect and not overzealous watering, the Bird's Nest Snake Plant might just be your perfect plant, fellow plant killers. You don't even have to know it's real to keep it alive, apparently, which is exactly the kind of plant I need.
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A Generation Jones teenager poses in her room.Image via Wikmedia Commons
An office kitchen.via
An angry man eating spaghetti.via 



An Irish woman went to the doctor for a routine eye exam. She left with bright neon green eyes.
It's not easy seeing green.
Did she get superpowers?
Going to the eye doctor can be a hassle and a pain. It's not just the routine issues and inconveniences that come along when making a doctor appointment, but sometimes the various devices being used to check your eyes' health feel invasive and uncomfortable. But at least at the end of the appointment, most of us don't look like we're turning into The Incredible Hulk. That wasn't the case for one Irish woman.
Photographer Margerita B. Wargola was just going in for a routine eye exam at the hospital but ended up leaving with her eyes a shocking, bright neon green.
At the doctor's office, the nurse practitioner was prepping Wargola for a test with a machine that Wargola had experienced before. Before the test started, Wargola presumed the nurse had dropped some saline into her eyes, as they were feeling dry. After she blinked, everything went yellow.
Wargola and the nurse initially panicked. Neither knew what was going on as Wargola suddenly had yellow vision and radioactive-looking green eyes. After the initial shock, both realized the issue: the nurse forgot to ask Wargola to remove her contact lenses before putting contrast drops in her eyes for the exam. Wargola and the nurse quickly removed the lenses from her eyes and washed them thoroughly with saline. Fortunately, Wargola's eyes were unharmed. Unfortunately, her contacts were permanently stained and she didn't bring a spare pair.
- YouTube youtube.com
Since she has poor vision, Wargola was forced to drive herself home after the eye exam wearing the neon-green contact lenses that make her look like a member of the Green Lantern Corps. She couldn't help but laugh at her predicament and recorded a video explaining it all on social media. Since then, her video has sparked a couple Reddit threads and collected a bunch of comments on Instagram:
“But the REAL question is: do you now have X-Ray vision?”
“You can just say you're a superhero.”
“I would make a few stops on the way home just to freak some people out!”
“I would have lived it up! Grab a coffee, do grocery shopping, walk around a shopping center.”
“This one would pair well with that girl who ate something with turmeric with her invisalign on and walked around Paris smiling at people with seemingly BRIGHT YELLOW TEETH.”
“I would save those for fancy special occasions! WOW!”
“Every time I'd stop I'd turn slowly and stare at the person in the car next to me.”
“Keep them. Tell people what to do. They’ll do your bidding.”
In a follow-up Instagram video, Wargola showed her followers that she was safe at home with normal eyes, showing that the damaged contact lenses were so stained that they turned the saline solution in her contacts case into a bright Gatorade yellow. She wasn't mad at the nurse and, in fact, plans on keeping the lenses to wear on St. Patrick's Day or some other special occasion.
While no harm was done and a good laugh was had, it's still best for doctors, nurses, and patients alike to double-check and ask or tell if contact lenses are being worn before each eye test. If not, there might be more than ultra-green eyes to worry about.