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In a world with too much stuff, we need to rethink the idea of 'sentimental value'

Things aren't memories.

Photo credit: Canva

Most of us have way too much stuff to be holding on things purely for sentimental reasons.

My friend's grandmother was in her 90s when she died, leaving behind a beautiful extended family, a lovely life legacy and boxes upon boxes of things nobody wanted or had any use for. Grams loved to travel and had souvenirs from various places. She kept decades of greeting cards and knicknacks she'd collected. As family members went through her belongings, they kept a few things here and there—a piece of jewelry, a recipe box, a silver serving spoon.

Most of her furniture, clothing and other useful things were sold or given away, but most of her personal items—old albums, mementos, etc.—ended up being thrown away. It was a good lesson for all of us.

The things we keep for "sentimental value" often have the least value to anyone else.

No one, family or stranger alike, wants hundreds of photos of people they don't know and memories that aren't theirs. No one wants a keepsake figurine from a trip they didn't go on with a date that means nothing to them. The things that hold sentimental value for one person are meaningless to everyone else, and the more our lives become saturated with "stuff," the more we are in danger of holding onto too many things because of the memories or meaning we attach to them.

We see it when we try to declutter our homes and have a hard time because of the "sentimental value" of certain things. Parents hesitate when it's time to purge the baby stuff, as all those adorable items remind us of when our kids were little. It happens when we hold onto the hat we bought at Disneyland even though we never ever wear it because it reminds us of our awesome family vacation. The china we inherited that we never eat off of, the plaque we got for outstanding achievement, the favorite book that's falling apart—all of that stuff we keep because "It's a memory!" accumulates.

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The problem is that eventually other people have to deal with our stuff.

If people want to collect mementos and keepsakes and hold onto everything anyone ever gives them, that's their right, of course. Some people are more sentimental and nostalgic than others and some people place more meaning on things than others. We can philosophize all day about whether and to what degree people should be detached from material things, but the reality is that every person has their own relationship to stuff that they have to navigate emotionally.

What is universal, though, is that someone will have to deal with our stuff when we die, and the more stuff we have, the more work we end up placing on their shoulders. Going through someone's belongings takes time and prompts a million decisions, which quickly becomes overwhelming. It's even harder when a lot of those belongings clearly meant something to them but mean nothing to anyone else.

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It didn't used to be like this, at least not to this level. Average people didn't used to have so many belongings they had to pay for spaces to store it all. We are inundated with stuff, and the more things we attach sentimental value to the more in danger we are of leaving way too much for our loved ones to sort through.

Things aren't memories. They are only memory triggers.

Our memories live in our minds, not in material things. All sentimental items do is trigger our memories, but we don't need physical items to keep our memories alive. So the question is, how do we keep the triggers without keeping all the things?

Photos are some of the best memory triggers, and in the digital age, it's easier than ever to utilize them. If there is an item you're having a hard time parting with for sentimental reasons, take a photo of it and keep it in a "Mementos" folder. A photo of something isn't exactly the same as the real thing, but it can fulfill the same purpose. Sentimental value is all about memories, and seeing the thing in a photo will still trigger those.

I'm not suggesting people never hold onto anything at all for sentimental reasons, but most things we keep as keepsakes don't really need to be kept. It's the memories we treasure, not the items that trigger the memories, so unless a thing has some actual tangible value or some sort of genuine sensory element that would be lost in a photo, take a snapshot and let go of the thing itself.

The more we can disconnect our memories from our physical things—or at least find ways to document those sentimental value items that trigger memories instead of holding onto them—the less overwhelming our living spaces will be for us in the now and the less burden we'll leave for others in the future.

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Health

Too much stuff causes stress. Here are 4 simple mantras to help you declutter for good.

These short sayings can clear the mental clutter that keeps us from getting rid of things.

MoMo Productions/Canva

We often hold onto things for sentimental reasons.

It's no secret that Americans on average have too much stuff. Yay, capitalism!

Seriously, though, most of us bring new things into our homes pretty regularly, and if we aren't purging regularly, they start to accumulate. We fill drawers, closets, bins, basements and garages with it, and then at some point realize we're swimming in stuff and need to declutter.

The problem is, as much as we may want to pare down and simplify, a lot of us are really bad at getting rid of things. Decluttering involves decision-making, and decision-making can be exhausting. There are also psychological and emotional reasons we hold onto things, and those mental hurdles are often what we need the most help overcoming.

So along with practical decluttering tips like having a garbage bag and a giveaway box with you as you go through different areas of your home, try using these four mantras to help clear the mental clutter that makes physical decluttering difficult.

1. "Stuff = stress"

There's plenty of research that shows clutter causes stress and anxiety, and it's pretty hard not to have clutter when you have too much stuff. Keeping the why of decluttering front and center can help keep you motivated as you start to purge.

Every item in your home costs you time and energy every time you encounter it. Moving the thing from one place to another, deciding where to put it, cleaning or dusting it, or even just having it take up space in your life costs you something mentally. Lots of small things add up to a large mental load, so ask yourself—Is this item worth what it's costing me?

Stuff = stress. Less stuff = less stress. Keep that simple, freeing truth top of mind as you declutter.

2. "Maybe means no"

We've all been there with something in our hand trying to decide whether to keep it.

This notebook might come in handy sometime…

Maybe I'll want to wear this dress one day…

But I might need that gadget in the future…

Nope, nope, nope. As soon as the words "might" or "maybe" come into your decision-making process, it's a sign to ditch the thing. "Maybe" or "might" means you don't need it right now, you aren't using it right now, and you don't know if you ever will.

If you keep things on the off chance that you might need them someday, you'll never get rid of anything. The reality is there are very few things that you won't be able to get in the future if you really need it. Your home is not a general store. And you are living in your home right now, not in the future.

When it comes to decluttering, maybe means no. Every time.

3. "Things aren't memories"

This is a tough one for a lot of people to swallow, but some of us hold onto way too many things for sentimental reasons because we tie them to memories. Souvenirs, playbills, concert tickets, wedding gifts, grandma's knick-knacks—so many things that make us go "Aww, remember when…" when we look at them, but here's the thing:

Things are things. Memories are memories. Things aren't memories. You can 100% still have the memories without keeping the things.

Things might trigger memories, but you can easily accomplish that by taking a photo of the thing that triggers the memory and getting rid of the thing itself. Make a "mementos" photo album for all those "but that reminds me of that happy thing" memory triggers and pass on the things themselves.

Of course, there may be some genuinely meaningful and valuable personal treasures that you truly love and want to hold onto. But most memory-associated items aren't that. They're just things. Keep the memories. Let the things go.

4. "Keep it flowing"

This is the main mantra to hold onto as you move forward. Once you've decluttered to a point where you feel light and free and good about what you have, it's time to think about how to maintain that sense of freedom. And the key to that maintenance is, "Keep it flowing."

Rather than seeing your home as a receptacle to inevitably get filled up, see it as a channel that things naturally flow in and out of. Look at it as a flowing river, not a stagnant pond. New things will always be coming into our lives, therefore old things need to go out.

The reason we end up with so much stuff is that we fail to recognize this flow. Some of us come from a deprivation mindset, so we are afraid to let things go even when new things come in. Some of us are influenced by the "more is more" mindset of consumer society, so we keep adding without subtracting to keep a balance.

In our modern world, things come and go. Keep that flow going on purpose whenever you bring something into the house, and you won't have to do another big declutter project again.

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Pop Culture

Chris Pratt wonders how long parents should keep their kids' trophies

It's a question all parents ask themselves.

Photo by Dick Thomas Johnson/Wikipedia, @prattprattpratt/Instagram

Pratt's question was prompted by wife Katherine going through her old childhood trophies.

Some parenting questions are simply universal, transcending the normal alienating barriers. And whether or not to hold onto certain mementos is one of them.

Whether it's more noble to let childhood awards, artwork, quizzes and certificates stack up in storage boxes for years, to be opened for a nostalgic romp down memory lane at a later time, or simply let them go in the name of decluttering? Or is the answer somewhere in between?

This is the conundrum nearly every parent faces. Even celebrity ones, apparently.

“Guardians of the Galaxy” star Chris Pratt recently found himself wondering this very thing as he watched his wife Katherine Schwarzenegger going through her personal treasure trove of trophies from her own childhood.

The collection, curated by her mother Maria Shriver, included notable achievements like "most improved 2-year-old" in swim class to "Problem-solving super star" in the fourth grade.

On his Instagram post, Pratt noted how “thoughtful” he thought the gesture was, writing, “to see my darling wife beaming with sentiment as she opens these crates of meticulously organized keepsakes, remembering her cherished youth, makes me grateful for the efforts her folks put into archiving.”

"I suppose that's the payoff for the work it took to store this stuff, the smile on her face as she relives moments of her youth. To pray one day that your children will look back on their childhood with glee is a blessing. It is the hope of parenthood,” he reflected.

But regardless of the warm-and-fuzzies felt by watching his wife reminisce, Pratt still wasn’t entirely sure what his stance was, so he posed a question to his fans.

“Real talk… once your kid goes through the stuff, is it okay to toss?" he wrote, adding, "I mean… do we need the 'I was on a sports team trophy?' Can they be donated? Repurposed?" Pratt also asked. "How many do we gotta keep? Not all of them right? Any of them? Is there a grading scale? Like, did you win? Were you a champion? Is there a specific sentimental connection? Help me out here. Do they go back in storage?"

His question received countless answers. But most parents seemed to lean towards the time honored tradition of holding on to as much as possible, then hocking it over their children to sort when they’re adults.

As one person hilariously advised, “ “Do as it's always been done. Pack them back up and let your children deal with it when you move to an assisted living facility.”

However, some did offer alternative options, like donating old trophies to organizations, or even taking photos of the items to digitally reminisce. One person suggested “I feel that once we’re old enough to share them with our own children and tell the stories behind them, perhaps that’s the time to digitally archive the items and the tales behind them.” Another added that “looking at an object in a photo still brings back the memory without having to hold onto the actual object.”

While these are all valid opinions, there isn’t exactly a real rule to follow. And this is a concept that Lisa Woodruff, professional organizer and author of “The Mindset of Organization: Take Back Your House One Phase at a Time,” communicates in her work.

“You are allowed to keep everything you want to keep. That’s right. There’s no reason why you have to get rid of — or keep — anything belonging to your children,” she writes, and suggests that parents find creative ways to showcase those memories rather than putting them in storage, such as filling scrapbooks and decorating hallways.

What seems to be the moral of the story is that it’s completely up to individual preference. And that there are many ways to hold onto precious keepsakes. Oh, and that if you’re a parent dealing with this particular quandary, you are certainly not alone.

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Heroes

The second half of decluttering that a lot of people might not know about.

Tidying up can be life-changing. Reusing can be world-changing.

True
Savers

In 2014, Marie Kondo’s best-selling book "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up" sparked a worldwide decluttering movement.

Her overall message is simple and elegant: When items in our homes have lost their utility or their ability to "spark joy," we thank them for their service and cast them away.

Beautiful, right? Well, kinda.

For many people in a fit of Kondo-inspired decluttering, casting away the things we no longer need means throwing them in the garbage. Instead of our homes, they're resigned to the landfill, where they live out their days decomposing along with old Smash Mouth cassette tapes, tie-dye parachute pants, and Someone With Tiny Hands University diplomas.

Somewhere in that pile is a Sugar Ray cassette single. We guarantee it. Image via iStock.

But if we’re really committed to thanking the items we once treasured for their service, can we, in good conscience, simply throw them away?

If we’re being real here, the answer is no.

A new report from Savers is all about this challenge. The thrift retailer polled 3,000 Americans and Canadians about their habits around waste, reuse, and recycling.

What they found isn't completely discouraging, but there's lots of room for improvement in how we collectively deal with the things we don't want or need anymore.

First up, the not-so-great stuff. It turns out that Americans are not great with recognizing just how much stuff they're sending to landfills each year.

Respondents to Savers' online survey estimated they're throwing out about 4.7 bags worth of waste a year. The actual amount is 8.1 bags — nearly double.

Life pro-tip: Having enough garbage to make angels might mean you have too much. GIF by "The Simpsons"/20th Century Fox.

That's a problem because North American landfills are already pretty jam-packed. Last year, researchers from Yale University added up the actual weight of trash sent to landfills in 2012. Their total — 262 million tons — is more than double what the Environmental Protection Agency estimated we threw out. All of that trash piles up, making our landfills and our carbon emissions bigger every year at a time when we've promised the world we'll try to cut back.

When it comes to clothes and textiles, we can really do better.

Savers' study found that the #1 reason people donate their unwanted clothing is because of "overflowing closets." To make space, we're throwing away a shocking amount of clothing and textiles every year — about 26 billion pounds in total, or 81 pounds per person per year. That's almost an entire Ariana Grande! Or a large labrador retriever! Both of whom are still very good and useful.

See? Perfectly delightful. GIF via "Bang Bang."

That's where the Kondo method comes back into play. While we may be done with jeans that don’t fit anymore, outdated tops, or sneakers with scuffs in the wrong places, it's wrong to assume that they don't still have further work to do. They might spark joy for someone else who finds them in a thrift store. Or, if certain clothes have been loved too much to pass on to another person, their fabrics can be recycled into other things, like carpet padding, playground mats, or even simple cleaning cloths.

Fortunately, we're open to changing our ways.

Of the people who responded to the survey, more than half said they'd reuse clothing once they learned how much textile manufacturing affects our environment. 94% of respondents also thought that children should be taught about reuse along with recycling in schools so they build lifelong habits around sustainability.

These adorable little recyclers are learning what's good. Image via iStock.

We're also eager to be charitable! According to the survey, half of us are willing to donate even more if it helps a nonprofit organization we support.

In a landfill, things disintegrate. In thrift stores, they have a chance to thrive.

If we think about the things we buy and the things we love, they should really overlap as often as possible. We should buy only what we need. We should find noncommercial ways to spark joy and find purpose in our lives. We should reuse, repurpose, and recycle everything we can.

Realistically, our landfills can't grow forever — and Elon Musk hasn't built that Mars rocket yet. The sooner we start thinking about the future life of the stuff we don't want — and how we can give it the best chance to spark joy for other people — the better off we'll all be.

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