upworthy

style

Fashion

Proud goth man compares striking side-by-side photos of himself between ages of 18 and 48

“We do improve with age, don't we?"

Photo Credit: Reddit, Hemlox76

A man shows his goth fashion at 18 and at 48.

There is something about the music we connect to when we're young that beautifully helps shape our identity. We want to scream from the rooftops, "This is how I feel!" but we so often can't. Luckily, clothes and accessories can do the proverbial screaming for us. Often, it's written off as a moody teenage phase (and sometimes it is), but for some, it's an absolute vibe that becomes a part of everyday life all the way to the end.

And so, when a man took to the subreddit r/goth to show off HIS goth look from teen to middle-age, many rejoiced. The OP writes, "Fashion Friday: 'It's not just a phase, mom' 18 vs 48 years old." Under this is a split photo. On one side is the 18-year-old version of himself, hair slicked back, eyes full of dramatic dark liner and shadows. He's in all black (natch) with a Nosferatu t-shirt tucked into leather (or possibly pleather) pants. One hand is tucked into said pants, while the other dramatically holds up a glass—his body tilted in the ultimate cool pose, as he shows off his black nail polish.

On the other side is the now 48-year-old version. He wears a black sleeveless The Sisters of Mercy band shirt showing off lots of tats and an intense stare under his tiny glasses. Under the photo, he writes, "Less hair but more tattoos, and at least I don’t have to pose in my parents’ backyard anymore :)"

Goth music, The Cure, Gothic, fashion, style A man posts a photo of himself at 18 and at 48 showing off his goth looks.Reddit, Hemlox76

Upworthy had a chance to speak to this Redditor and when asked if he still feels the "goth vibe" that he did as a teen, his answer was enthusiastically , "Oh hell yeah I do!" He added, " I keep my look pretty toned down for work ( corporate gothic, sort of), but still go all out when going to concerts and stuff like that."

The comments under the post are undeniably goth in nature. The first immediately references death when they write, "Looking stylish in both pics. I'm currently 33. Goal is to be buried in goth attire." The OP replies, "Well, a black suit is usually standard :) Myself, I’d go for just a hole in the ground in the woods and an ash tree planted over me if that was legal over here."

This commenter explains how their music influences brought them to the goth lifestyle. "Heh. I came by mine honestly. Dad likes Black Sabbath and science fiction/fantasy, Mum likes Steeleye Span, Edward Gorey and gothic novels. Their kid likes all of it, plus goth rock and power metal. They thought it was weird when I was a teenager, but now that I'm an adult we go to shows together and my mum buys me black lace and darkly themed vintage :)"

And this kind Redditor compliments the OP: "You aged like a fine wine brother. And your hair colour now suits you. Granted I was 4 when the first pic was taken, but yum to both."

Goth guy explains how goth fashion emerged from the music. www.youtube.com, Jake Munro

The goth vibe, in music, clothes or all-around attitude, started gaining in popularity in the late 70s, as a term to describe atmospheric post-punk bands. The term got thrown around a bit, but the overarching idea is music and clothes that are dramatic, moody, and emotional. To paraphrase an old adage, "I'll wear black until they find a darker color," certainly applies. Both musically and in appearance, think Robert Smith, the front man for the English band The Cure.

The official music video for Pictures of You by The Cure. www.youtube.com, RHINO

The whole mood is steeped, at least in attitude and clothing, in Gothic literature which goes way farther back than just the 1970s. Moody heartbreak and even mysterious horror were romanticized in books like Frankenstein and Dracula. It was cool to be sad, and beautiful to be heartbroken.

And even though the goth baseline might appear dark, the Reddit thread illustrates that its community is often like a tight-knit family—with great taste in music AND clothes.

From Your Site Articles
goth
FashionPop Culture
Family

Dad sparks fascinating debate when he asks if he should stop dressing 'goth' for his kids' sake

"It's not always about you anymore."

Unsplash & Canva Photos

It's not a phase.

One of the best lessons you can teach your kids is that they have the right to be who they are and who they want to be. One of the best ways to teach that lesson is to embody it yourself. Kids need your presence and your wisdom, but they also need your example. Be your truest self! Chase your dreams! Live without fear! It's the best possible way to show them that they can do it, too.

However, like all things in parenting, this lesson doesn't come without its own caveats. What if you embracing your truest self is, like, totally embarrassing? What if it causes other kids to bully your children, or gets them banned from playdates? That doesn't mean it's right for people to judge you, but it will probably happen if you're a loud or controversial dresser. As a parent, what are you going to do about it?

One dad recently found himself facing a conundrum: As a self-described "goth," and a larger guy to boot, he began to wonder if his unique style of dress might be having a negative impact on his kids.

"I'm a father of a 2 year old and 6 year old," the man wrote in a post on r/Daddit. "I dress like a [punk]/goth. It's nothing insanely extreme, just a lotta skulls and arm bands, couple chains on legs, rings. Stuff like that. ... I'm a rather large guy, 6' 7", so I already stand out."

gif of a man in white and black goth makeupGoths tend to stand out. Giphy

He says due to his size and dress, he's more than a little used to getting looks everywhere he goes. But then the dad of two recalls an incident at the playground that had him rethinking everything.

"Today at the park, I don't know, it felt like this lady was afraid of me? I keep to myself, smile a lot because I know I'm intimidating, and actively play with my kids, so I think it's kind of strange. After playing a while my daughter comes up crying. I ask her what's wrong, and she tells me 'my friend's mom said I can't play with you.' I look over and it's that same lady and she hurries and looks away.

"Later on, I'm holding my 2 year olds hand, walking him to the swings, and I overhear another kid ... go, 'ooh stay away from that guy. Stay away. My mom says he's bad'"

The user than asked the dad community for advice: Should he tone it down for his kids' sake? Ditch the skulls and chains to help them fit in and make friends more easily? Or would that be setting the wrong example?

The community was split on whether this dad should stop dressing goth. Great arguments emerged on both sides of a terrific debate.

Lots of parents encouraged the OP to stay true to himself, as the long-term lesson he'd be teaching his kids would be worth a little short-term discomfort.

goth teen walking through school halls and flipping his hairWhat's the price of staying true to you?Giphy

"Please never change your style. As your kids and your kids friends get older, you're going to be the 'cool dad.' Also, please consider the message you'd be sending to your children in changing yourself and being less authentic for the sake of making other people feel comfortable. It's not a healthy message to send."

"No you should model the behavior you want to see -- positive self expression, acceptance of differences, and kindness."

Others felt it was selfish of OP to continue dressing and behaving the same way he did before he was a father.

"It's not about you anymore, it's about your kids and the children they will interact with."

"OP should do what he feels is right, but those choices come with consequences. Personally, I can't imagine being so tied to how I dress that I would keep dressing that way even if caused distress for my daughter. Like, for what? They're just clothes. ... I get that some people are really attached to how they dress, like it's part of their identity. I can't personally relate, and fundamentally don't believe that how I dress defines who I am."

"I'm gonna be honest with you, and with love as a metalhead, that's kinda cringe my dude. Your clothes don't define you, and it sounds like your choice to dress like not-a-dad is going to force your kids to be outcasts. It's fine for us to be weirdo outcasts, we're adults, but you live in Mormon country and your kids don't get to choose who they see day to day at school. I dunno, swallow your pride, tone it down."

Some challenged this dad to dig deep. Was punk or goth clothing really essential to his identity? Or was it just something he was used to, or maybe something he used as a shield in social situations? These are big and important questions to answer before you decide if the way you dress is something you're willing to sacrifice. Others still suggested this dad find some kind of a compromise:

"Yeah I think finding a compromise is the best way forward, you can still be yourself but are also not scaring others around you (as unwarranted as it might be). And, remember you don’t always have to cut back. Probably 80% of the time you’re fine as you usually are, like at kids birthdays or something when you can get to know people etc. But if you’re gonna be around and potentially interacting with strangers’ children, it’s probably good to tone it down just a bit, just for your kids sake if anything."

Experts agree that when it comes to personal identity preferences that might embarrass your kids, compromise is key.

Rather than inflexibly insisting on "fully expressing yourself at all times," you may have to pick and choose a little more when you become a parent.

"It's important to maintain your authentic styles for most occasions. But the dad could think about toning it down in certain circumstances like school functions or when meeting new parents. That's because the focus is on the kid, about the kid, rather than himself," says Cory Reid-Vanas, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at Rocky Mountain Counseling Collective. Reid-Vanas adds that kids often don't want to stand out, so extra attention may make them feel embarrassed. Though, these moments of conflict make for good conversation and teaching moments.

Ciara Bogdanovic, Licensed Psychotherapist at Sagebrush Psychotherapy,, says: "More important than how the parent dresses is their social relationships and how they handle situations. Children model their behavior after their parents. So it is important to model healthy friendships and how to deal with difficult social situations like rejection. Is the parent showing appropriate social skills on the playground? For example, is the parent greeting people and making friendly conversation?" In other words, a little extra smiling and proactive friendly behavior might help disarm judgmental bystanders.

Whatever the right answer is, the fact that this father is grappling with it so heavily said a lot about the love he has for his kids. In the very long run, that is definitely what they'll end up remembering most about him.

From Your Site Articles
parents
FamilyFatherhood
Internet

Autistic woman praises parents who dress their disabled children in age appropriate clothes

"Let them have drip."

Photo credit: Canva

Woman praise parents of disabled teens who dress them their age

It's not uncommon to see teens and young adults who are cognitively or physically disabled in clothing that looks like it's more appropriate for elementary aged children. Of course there are different reasons for this, such as the teen preferring to wear younger clothes or it being the person's special interest at the moment. But sometimes it can be that the adults around them still view them as an elementary aged child though they are chronologically and sometimes developmentally much older.

Recently, Clare, an autistic woman took to social media to express her excitement over stumbling across a mother's page that features her nonverbal autistic teenage son. Clare wasn't excited simply because the mom was documenting her life with an autistic child, she took note of something she doesn't see often.

In the background behind the woman's video is a picture of a teenage boy dressed in a pair of of skinny jeans, a Nike zip-up and a blue puffer jacket. By all appearances he looks like a typical teen boy heading to school or the mall but that's what caught Clare's eye.

Style Swag GIF by ComplexGiphy

"So this post was saying they have a non-verbal autistic son and that they dress them like this and I just...I love when parents of special needs children understand that they are still people, that probably wouldn't want to dress like children for their entire life. I love when you see special needs parents of teenagers that dress their kids like teenagers or special needs parents of adults that dress their kids like adults and not just someone repressed in time," the woman shares.

Later she further explains that she appreciates when parents dress their children with special needs like they think they would want to dress and not how they think they should dress due to their disability. Clare says, "cause I see so often teenagers that are special needs that are dressed in like clothing in a style that looks similar to like a four or five year old still. I just love when parents make that effort to try to dress their child in a way that they think that their child would be comfortable even if they cannot express how they would wanna dress."

@lacroix_goth

#greenscreen parents that give their children a sense of style and self even if they can’t for themselves 😮‍💨 the best G_twins_baby is the original post and mom btw!! #fyp #foryou #foryoupage #specialneedmom #specialneedschild #fashion #autistic #nonverbal

The teenager that inspired the video praising his mom is 16-year-old Gi'Avonnie-year-old Gi'Avonnie who is always dressed like he could walk onto the set of any high school tv show as the new cool kid. In the caption of the post that caught Clare's attention reads, "it's all about aura when you're nonverbal I won't talk but you will feel the vibe."

One commenter shares with Clare about a woman who became the caregiver of her adult God brother with autism who has since had a "glow up" due to being seen as an adult. John West, aka Mr. West is a man in his mid-thirties who is now under the guardianship of his God sister Des. Prior to Mr. West coming under the care of Des he was denied treats like soda, had severe dental hygiene struggles and seemed to not have much filling his days but things quickly changed with his new caregiver.

@g_twins_baby

It’s all about Aura when you’re nonverbal😅 I won’t talk but you will feel the vibe #autismmom #nonverbalautism #autism #bekind

Since having a voice in his choices, Mr. West not only revamped his entire style but has since started college, started dating and even took his first solo trip. The man appears to be enjoying all of his new freedoms and since Des has been caring for him, he now has his own place right next door to hers.

People seem to agree that teens and adults with disabilities should be dressed and treated like their numerical age whenever appropriate with one person writing, "I think if the child WANTS to dress like their special interest them go for it. But if they don’t care, dress them age appropriate."

"My boss has a kid with autism and he uses an ipad to talk (acc device) and she is slowly putting small curse words since hes getting older i loveee it," another writes.

@waxesbydes

John had an amazing 1st day back🫶🏽 #travel #familytime #caregiver #love #travelingwithkids #autisticadult #autismoftiktok #adultwithautism #autistic #autism #autismfamily #familyfun #family #autistictiktok #asd #autismawareness #autismacceptance

Someone else says, "for real! disabled people deserve dignity. i wish it was more normalized for parents to treat disabled people as presumed competent but with reasonable accommodation."

One person reminds others, "special needs is a spectrum. Some are at the accurate mental age and others aren’t. Many special needs clients are still interested in “kid” things, many aren’t."

Everyone's personality is different and special needs children, teens and adults are no different, this means some teens may only want to wear Disney princess outfits while others want typical high school drip. Some adults may prefer sweatpants and Sponge Bob t-shirts while others want to wear styles that feel closer to their age. Others may not be able to communicate how they want to dress or to be treated at all and rely on their caregiver to decide. No matter what the personal style or developmental level may be, the focus for all seems to be what's best for the child which is what the majority of parents care about the most.

From Your Site Articles
autism
InternetPop Culture
Trending Stories