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Motherhood

A woman grew up without her mom. 21 years later, she found her secret notebook.

The pages held clues to how different her life almost was.

daughter, mother, family, love, death, parents, parenting, children, kids, diaries, journals, letters
Canva Photos

A woman named Blakelyn never knew her mom. Reading the journal changed everything.

Some of us are lucky enough to take our parents for granted. We have a brain full of memories of them, and many decades to form new ones. We learn who they are as people, who they were before we were born, where they came from, what their hopes and dreams were, how they met their partner—our other parent.

Some people don't have that luxury. About 5% of kids have lost one parent by the time they turn 18, and the odds get worse from there.

A woman named Blakelyn suffered unimaginable tragedy as a child when both of her parents died in separate car accidents within a few years of each other. She grew up hungry for any tangible memories of what they were like.

In particular, Blakelyn's mother died when she was just a baby. So, she grew up with no mother, very little understanding of why and what happened, and almost no memories at all of her existence.

Worse, her father was too grief-stricken to talk much about Blakelyn's mom—understandably so. That left her very little to go on, and when he sadly passed away too, she lost the only connection she had to her mother.

Imagine her shock when, 21 years later, Blakelyn's aunt was sorting through rooms at Blakelyn's grandparents' house when she discovered an old journal belonging to her mom.

Blakelyn was desperate to get her hands on it, and captured her reaction to its contents in a powerful post on social media.

image, screenshot, video, tiktok, parents, children, notebookTikTok · Blakelynnnwww.tiktok.com


For the first time in her life, Blakelyn got a look inside her mom's heart and mind. And she uncovered some amazing revelations along the way.

Among the highlights of the journal are pages and pages of notes Blakelyn's mom made as she was brainstorming names for her baby girl. There are lists of first names, first name middle name pairings, and experiments with different combinations.

In the post, Blakelyn expresses awe that her name was almost Baylee Alyssa, and also Bailey Alana. Mom had really honed in on those creative B names!

In a calendar portion of the journal, Mom noted key dates like the day she moved in with Blakelyn's dad, and also the day he proposed. Blakelyn had never known that the two were engaged when her mom died.

Mom also crossed off dates in succession, counting down the days until her daughter was born. It was all overwhelming in the best way.

@blakelynnnnnnn

Replying to @iliana i don’t have many but i cherish the ones i do have

The TikToker told Newsweek that not having any memories of her mom didn't make the loss any less painful. In a way, it left her searching for this intangible missing piece her entire life. Now, with the journal, she's got that piece back.

The post went viral, racking up hundreds of thousands of likes and bringing viewers to tears, as shared in the comments:

"She LOVED you. She wanted the most perfect name for you. She LOVED you. SHE LOVED YOU"

"you were so loved BEFORE you were here. imagine how much more they love you after they are gone … i’m sorry luv. you were seriously her most prized possession!!"

"She was just a girl, and she loved you and thought of you so much before you were even born"

"Wait, I love that she used the calendar to write the good things that happened versus using it to plan out future events. How sweet!"

"This is so sweet. Both of my parents passed away and a few months ago I found their love letters they had written to each other while they were long distance before I was even born. I tell myself all the time they were just teenagers in love."

A few commenters even had a great idea. Now that Blakelyn has her own name in her mom's handwriting, she's got all the makings of an epic and emotional tattoo. A way for her to continue carrying a piece of her mom with her everywhere.

"I definitely will be doing this," she responded.

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Mental Health

Motivation expert explains how two simple words can free you from taking things personally

You don't need to take responsibility for everything and everyone.

via TEDx SF/Flickr and TEDx SF/Flickr

Mel Robbins making a TED Talk.

Towards the end of The Beatles’ illustrious but brief career, Paul McCartney wrote “Let it Be,” a song about finding peace by letting events take their natural course. It was a sentiment that seemed to mirror the feeling of resignation the band had with its imminent demise.

The bittersweet song has had an appeal that has lasted generations, and that may be because it reflects an essential psychological concept: the locus of control. “It’s about understanding where our influence ends and accepting that some things are beyond our control,” Jennifer Chappell Marsh, a marriage and family therapist, told The Huffington Post. “We can’t control others, so instead, we should focus on our own actions and responses.”

This idea of giving up control (or the illusion of it) when it does us no good was perfectly distilled into two words that everyone can understand: "Let Them." This is officially known as the “Let Them” theory. Podcast host, author, motivational speaker and former lawyer Mel Robbins explained this theory perfectly in a vial Instagram video posted in May 2023.

“I just heard about this thing called the ‘Let Them Theory,’ I freaking love this,” Robbins starts the video.

“If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them. If the person that you're really attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them. If your kids do not want to get up and go to that thing with you this week, let them.” Robbins says in the clip. “So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations.”

“If they’re not showing up how you want them to show up, do not try to force them to change; let them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you. Just let them – and then you get to choose what you do next,” she continued.

The phrase is a great one to keep in your mental health tool kit because it’s a reminder that, for the most part, we can’t control other people. And if we can, is it worth wasting the emotional energy? Especially when we can allow people to behave as they wish and then we can react to them however we choose?

@melrobbins

Stop wasting energy on trying to get other people to meet YOUR expectations. Instead, try using the “Let Them Theory.” 💥 Listen now on the #melrobbinspodcast!! “The “Let Them Theory”: A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About” 🔗 in bio #melrobbins #letthemtheory #letgo #lettinggo #podcast #podcastepisode

How you respond to their behavior can significantly impact how they treat you in the future.

It’s also incredibly freeing to relieve yourself of the responsibility of changing people or feeling responsible for their actions. As the old Polish proverb goes, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”

“Yes! It’s much like a concept propelled by the book ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k.’ Save your energy and set your boundaries accordingly. It’s realizing that we only have “control” over ourselves and it’s so freeing,” one viewer wrote.

“Let It Be” brought Paul McCartney solace as he dealt with losing his band in a very public breakup. The same state of mind can help all of us, whether it’s dealing with parents living in the past, friends who change and you don’t feel like you know them anymore, or someone who cuts you off in traffic because they’re in a huge rush to go who knows where.

The moment someone gets on your nerves and you feel a jolt of anxiety run up your back, take a big breath and say, “Let them.”

let them theory, let it be, paul mccartney, the beatles, exhalethe beatles wave GIFGiphy

This article originally appeared last year.

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Education

How soldiers and sports helped create the cringey corporate jargon we all despise

Nobody likes it. But nobody can stop using it.

Photo credit: Canva

Something you've never thought about, but makes total sense.

“Circle back.” “Looping in.” “Deep dive.” If just reading these words gives you a visceral ick, odds are you’ve had at least one corporate job in your lifetime.

Even if you haven’t worked a 9-5, there are plenty of television shows—from comedies like The Office to dramas like Severance—that make references to corporate culture, including its bizarre and cringey buzzwords. So it’s definitely in the general zeitgeist for better or for worse. But how exactly did this annoying yet inescapable lingo come to be? To answer that question, we’re gonna need you to “think outside the box” and “touch base” with some forgotten history.

In a highly entertaining video shared by Storied as part of its Otherwords series, we learn that much of our well-known office speak can be traced back to the end of WWII, when businesses began prospering again and veterans traded their war uniform for suits and ties at ever expanding corporate conglomerates.

Office lingo, corporate culture, linguistics, language, language history, historyDon Draper, from 'Mad Men'media3.giphy.com

These former soldiers brought a lot of military jargon with them, which later transformed into office jargon. This is especially apparent in phrases like “boots on the ground” and “all-hands meeting” host Dr. Erica Brozovsky notes. You can even see how the psychology of business was heavily influenced by the military (think “sales tactics” and “rising through the ranks”).

But corporations didn’t just borrow from the battlefield. Sports terminology also played a big role in office linguistics. Here, Brozovsky uses the examples of something being in a person’s “wheelhouse,” which originally referred to the zone in which a baseball player could hit a home run, which we all know is another big corporate buzzword. Again, we see how society’s views of business in general shaped the jargon that became popular. As Brozovsky mentions, the use of sports phrases reflects the way that business was heavily seen as a competition.

The passing of time and trends would only give us more influences (the glamour of 60’s advertising would give us “run it up the flagpole,” followed by the Wallstreet-centric 80’s era bringing “leverage” and “low-hanging fruit”).

Office lingo, corporate culture, linguistics, language, language history, historyTrevor, from the sitcom 'Ghosts'media.giphy.com

Interestingly enough, a major trait of modern day corporate jargon is to convolute potential negative messages with softer, more passive words. For example, instead of telling someone they’re fired, a boss might say “there’s been some restructuring.” Although, some companies seem to be on the opposite side of the spectrum with the word "termination," which to me always sounds like they’re going to actually murder you for lackluster KPIs.

As for why we can’t seem to refrain from using corporate jargon, even if we do loathe it, Brozovsky explains that it mostly has to do with trying to exude an air of belonging, or to show status. This helps illustrate that folks who are on the lower rung of the corporate ladder might be more likely to use this jargon more often than those who are more seasoned, as a means to “compensate for their lack of experience.”

However, being the ultimate pattern disruptors that they are, 60% of Gen Zers plan to “eliminate” corporate buzzwords, according to a 2023 Linkedin survey. Brozovsky theorizes that this may be due to diving into a workplace culture that primarily takes place digitally, and therefore has less inherent pressure to “conform to longstanding norms like corporate jargon.”

But for now, we’ll put a pin in that hypothesis and see if it aligns with our values later on down the line. Thankfully, the knowledge packed in this video yielded a fantastic ROI, wouldn’t you agree?

As always, our psychology is reflected in our language. Almost nothing is as telling a time-capsule as the words we use to navigate our everyday lives. Even the most seemingly insignificant turn of phrase acts as a mirror to key aspects of our humanity and that's a fascinating thing to think about.

Watch the full video below:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

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Joy

Under or over? There actually is a 'right' way to hang a toilet paper roll.

The debate is settled, once and for all.

Elya/Wikimedia Commons

Should you hang the toilet paper roll over or under?

Humans have debated things large and small over the millennia, from democracy to breastfeeding in public to how often people ought to wash their sheets. But perhaps the most silly-yet-surprisingly heated household debate is the one in which we argue over which way to hang the toilet paper roll.

The "over or under" question has plagued marriages and casual acquaintances alike for over 100 years, with both sides convinced they have the soundest reasoning for putting their toilet paper loose end out or loose end under. Some people feel so strongly about right vs. wrong TP hanging that they will even flip the roll over when they go to the bathroom in the homes of strangers.

Contrary to popular belief, it's not merely an inconsequential preference. According to health experts and the man who invented the toilet paper roll, there is actually a "correct" way to hang toilet paper.

What is the correct way to hang a roll of toilet paper?

First, let's be clear about what we're even talking about here with a visual. In the image below, left is "over" and right is "under."

toilet paper, bathrooms, over or under, toilet roll, bathroom etiquetteToilet paper hung "over" (left) and "under" (right)Elya/Wikimedia Commons


So which one is the right way? According to health experts, "over" is the way to go.

"One key to maintaining a hygienic washroom is minimising contact between people and surfaces," Dr. Christian Moro, associate professor of health sciences and medicine at Bond University on Australia's Gold Coast, told Australian Broadcasting Corporation. "Depending on the type of roll holder, [hanging the toilet paper "over"] often lowers the chance that a user will touch the wall behind when fishing for paper, leaving germs behind on that surface which can be spread to the next user."

Picture it: Grabbing the end of the toilet paper when it's hung "over" means you only touch the part of the toilet paper you're going to use. When it's "under," you sometimes have to fish for it or scrape your fingers on the wall in order to grab the loose end. In addition to whatever might be on people's hands already, think about all the people who wipe twice, potentially transferring fresh fecal matter or other bacteria to the wall on the second pass, which then get picked up by other people who inadvertently touch that wall when trying to grab their TP.

Theoretically, we all should have become better hand washers during the pandemic, scrubbing with soap for the full 20 seconds it takes to remove bacteria. But I wouldn't be willing to bet on it.

toilet paper, empty toilet paper roll, batthroom, bathroom etiquette, over or underEmpty toilet paper roll.via Canva/Photos

And touching any surface in a bathroom is pretty nasty, according to a study from the University of Colorado. As Inc. reported: "Using a high-tech genetic sequencing tool, researchers identified 19 groups of bacteria on the doors, floors, faucet handles, soap dispensers, and toilets of 12 public restrooms in Colorado — six men’s restrooms and six women’s restrooms. Many of the bacteria strains identified could be transmitted by touching contaminated surfaces."

Bacteria means things like e.coli, which is a common source of food poisoning and one of the most common bacteria found on bathroom surfaces in the study. If you've ever had a bout of food poisoning, I'm sure you'll agree that a toilet paper roll hanging preference isn't worth risking it.

But sanitary health concerns aren't the only argument for the "over" camp. After all, the original patent for the toilet paper roll, issued in 1891, clearly shows the TP in the "over" position. Thank you for the clarity right from the get go, Mr. Wheeler.

toilet paper, bathrooms, over or under, toilet roll, bathroom etiquetteThe toilet paper roll was patented by Seth Wheeler in 1891.Public Domain


In Wheeler's patent, the perforated toilet paper hangs on a roll in the "over" position. In the words of the patent, the sheets of TP are “partially separated, having their points of attachment arranged in a novel manner, whereby each sheet will easily separate from the series as it is drawn from the roll, there being no litter occasioned, and any waste of paper is thereby prevented.”

Now, before the "under" folks come running with their pitchforks, there are some understandable exceptions to the "over" rule. Namely: cats and kids.

If you have a furry friend or a tiny toddler who likes to unroll the toilet paper roll, "over" makes it super fun for them, while "under" stops them in their tracks. For many people, cats and kids are the primary motivator of their TP hanging habits.

That doesn't change the fact that "over" is actually the "correct" way to hang toilet paper according to health science and the inventor's intention, of course, but "under" is certainly preferable to having a pile of TP on the floor.

Now go forth, do that with information as you will, and try to make peace with your over vs. under rivals.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Pop Culture

Brazilian dance team creates stunning light show dedicated to the Amazon rainforest for 'AGT'

"It was actually magic. One of my favorite ever acts," gushed Simon Cowell.

America's Got Talent/ Youtube

There was no way they were leaving that stage without a Golden Buzzer.

America’s Got Talent is back, baby. With twenty seasons under its belt, you’d think that we’ve seen it all, but then there always seems to be at least one act so fresh that it instantly raises the bar once more.

This time, that honor belongs to Lightwire Theater, a Brazilian-based company that incorporates dance and technology to create what they call “immersive art content.” And honestly…that description doesn’t even begin to cover it.

During their AGT audition, audiences were transported to the Amazon rainforest with slinking jaguars, dancing monkeys, colorful birds, and even a giant boa constrictor. Four human performers donning black suits with LED lights, transformed into these jungle creatures as giant animations on screens provided a lush backdrop.

All the while, a powerful soundtrack of drums and animal sounds played in the background, really driving it all home.

Watch:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The routine was immediately met with uproarious applause from the audience and judges. But perhaps no one was as moved as Simon Cowell, who called it “magic.”

“This is one of the most beautiful, stunning acts that I have seen across all the Got Talents. You were so emotional. I don’t know why you were nervous, because you were always going to get one of — you know what’s coming…” he said, just before pressing the Golden Buzzer button.

Clearly, winning wasn’t the only motive for Lightwire. The company also wanted to (literally) illuminate the role rainforests play in all of our lives.

As one of the team members from Light Wire pointed out, “The Amazon is really important. The Amazon really matters [to the world].”

We hear a lot about the threat technology poses to making art, but here is a beautiful example that it can just as easily enhance art when used thoughtfully and intentionally. Time will tell as to whether or not Lightwire will win the whole enchilada (although, couldn't you see this show happening in Vegas, like yesterday?) but regardless, it has already won over many, many hearts and shown us what innovation really looks like.

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Modern Families

Man says his wife asked him to 'pick up' perfectly tidy house and asks the Internet to translate

Theories abound on what she's really asking him.

Canva Photos

A guy needed some help and advice on how to 'pick up' a clean house

One thing you learn in marriage is that different people have different definitions of "clean." To one person, clean means your home is decluttered, everything in its proper place. Others might be OK with a few neat stacks of stuff or an odd pile or two. Others aren't happy until the baseboards are wiped down and the floor's sparkling. Some people are just content if there are no roaches or rats scurrying around.

Partnership is all about navigating these different expectations and coming together to make and keep your home. But that doesn't mean it's always easy to communicate about this stuff with your partner, or to meet their expectations. Throw in the fact that men and women are socialized from birth to have completely different ideas of their role in a household, and things can get complicated fast.

One guy recently took to social media with a conundrum. His wife had asked him to clean the house while she was out, the only problem was...it was already clean.

"My wife asked me to pick up the house while she was out. [Here's] the condition of house before she left," he wrote on Reddit along with a few pictures showcasing a pretty spotless (and quite beautiful) home. Now if you're nitpicking, you could spot a few clean cups in the dish drying rack and a small pile of papers on the kitchen table. But honestly, most people would be thrilled if their house looked like this!

What do you think, can you spot the mess? The man needed the Internet's help in translating his wife's expectations.

from pics

Experienced married people didn't fall for the trap, and laid some incredible wisdom on the man that can only be gained through many years of partnership.The easy answer might be, "She's nuts, the house is already clean!" But people who have been with their partner for a long time know better.

Some theorized that the husband might have a reputation for not cleaning up after himself:

"She's asking him to not mess it up while she gone. I.e. Clean up after himself."

"maybe that was a nice way of her asking you to clean up after yourself..."

"And to also get his cup that has been sitting on that nightstand for a week. Wife doesn't want to put it in the sink because it feels disrespectful to her that he would leave it there so long when the rest of the house is clean. She's cleaned up literally all his other trash and cups, but this is THE ONE he needs to do himself. She's wondering if he even has eyes or self awareness."

They gleaned all of that from just three photos! This is what years of marital intuition can do.

men, women, marriage, relationships, household, love, family, cleaning, emotional labor, invisible load, gender rolesWe love a guy who remembers to clean the inside of the oven.Canva Photos

Others with a keen eye were adamant that, upon closer inspection, there are tons of signs in the photos that certain people might not be pulling their weight:

"I can see that some of the fruit isn't in the fruit basket, just near it, and there is paperwork and a stapler on the table, and little things on the island. ... It seems like the wife is giving him the easiest possible clean up task. He just has to put a few items away. If he wanted, he could also wipe down the counters, vacuum, clean the dog bed, spray some air freshener and put fresh flowers out. But I'm guessing he won't even put the few items and pieces of fruit away. Clearly his wife is doing a lot to keep the place clean, but he'll act like putting a few things away isn't worth his time and leave it for her to do when she gets back."

"There's probably grit on the floors, dirt on the baseboards, stains on the carpets and upholstery, dust on every horizontal surface, window smudges, etc. so the house looks tidy, but a detail-oriented person will notice and be bothered by all those less visible things"

"I’m seeing a used paper towel roll right next to the fresh one that is also almost out. I’m guessing there are other instances of that around the house, too."

"Definitely the items on the dining table.."

"Clear all the surfaces and put away the clutter. My woman brain doesn't understand why her request was confusing."

Others insisted the request wasn't really about the current state of the house, but more a general plea to start taking some ownership.

"When my house is in this condition, and I asked the same thing of my husband, I think it’s sort of coming from a place of resentment. I’ll notice that he spends his free time doing a hobby or something for himself, whereas I feel like even all my free time is still spent keeping up with chores. My love language is acts of service, so when I come home and he has tackled a project without me asking or something like that, it means a lot that he spent his free time doing something for the betterment of the household unit."

The OP responded to this one: "So far I think your response is the most nuanced and accurate. Thanks for giving me something to consider!"

The photos serve as a fascinating Rorschach test. It's incredibly easy for some to see someone nitpicking a clean and beautiful home. It's also easy to see the usually-invisible mental load one partner carries.

men, women, marriage, relationships, household, love, family, cleaning, emotional labor, invisible load, gender rolesWiping down surfaces: Someone's gotta remember to do it.Canva Photos

No one knows the history of this guy and this couple, but there is a well-known story lurking in these photos if you're willing to interpret and read into things a little bit. It goes by many names including the Invisible Load and Emotional Labor, etc. in reference to one partner (usually the woman) being the Project Manager of the house.

Couples Therapy Inc. lists out some of the responsibilities of the house Project Manager:

  • Anticipating needs before they become problems
  • Managing social relationships and obligations
  • Coordinating schedules and appointments
  • Remembering important dates and details
  • Sacrificing personal needs for family harmony
And that also includes making sure the house is tidy and cleaned, and enlisting help in doing so by explicitly telling other people in the household exactly what needs to be done, what supplies and groceries need to be purchase, etc. As others in the thread pointed out, maybe the exhausted wife is really saying, "Dude, can you just figure it out for yourself for once?"

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