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We are being lured by the siren song of cynicism. We have to choose a different route.

Photo by Inu Etc on Unsplash

We can't let ourselves be lured by the siren song of cynicism.

"Why do people have to suck so badly?" my teen asks me after watching a viral video of horrible human behavior.

I understand the sentiment. I really do. I've asked myself the same question many times in recent years. Why are people like this? What is wrong with people? How can people be so stupid/cruel/selfish/ignorant/etc. And every time I have to pause, reflect and recognize what I'm hearing.

It's the siren song of cynicism. That strangely alluring voice that lulls us into a negative state of complacency at best and abject nihilism at worst.

I see—and feel in myself—cynicism as a natural, reactionary response to the ugly realities of our world, but also to our current digital climate. So much of the discouse we consume is filtered through social media algorithms that reward undernuanced hot takes and keep the cycle of negative sensationalism churning. The bad stuff gets our attention, which prompts people to talk about the bad stuff, which triggers algorithms that push more of the bad stuff, which creates a feedback loop informing us that everything is terrible.

Cynicism seduces us because it's easy. It doesn't actually feel good, but it feels comfortable because it doesn't ask anything from us. Hardened cynics sometimes see themselves as the intellectually honest among us, having real insight into people and problems, but it's simply not true. Cynicism requires no deep digging, real reflection or soul searching. It's the easiest thing in the world to call the world a dumpster fire, toss up our hands and say, "Welp, everything and everyone sucks, so what's the point?"

Hope, on the other hand, is hard. It requires going beyond our impulsive reactions to headlines and soundbites and to enage with humanity holistically. Far from being some kind of unthinking, Pollyanna-ish, head-in-the-sand idealism, I see hope as the natural outcome of truly diving into the reality of human existence.

But how do we get there? How do we ignore the pull of cynicism and navigate toward hope instead?

First, we can look to the past to see how far we have actually come.

I was watching the Olympics the other night and marveling at what human beings have figured out how to do. We started off rubbing sticks together to make fire. Now we have people who can artistically dance around on ice, spin multiple times through the air with the utmost perfection and precision, and land on one foot on a 1/8-inch blade. Not only that, but they do it to beautiful music that humans have composed, with musical instruments humans created, recorded on technological equipment that humans invented.

Nathan Chen in slow motion. #WinterOlympicspic.twitter.com/hQ0gYASTky
— NBC Olympics (@NBC Olympics) 1643944189

Not only was I watching this marvel happen, but I was doing so all the way on the other side of the planet, in the comfort of my home, where hot air blows out of the walls, clean water pours out of the refrigerator that keeps our food cold and lights turn on and off with the flick of a finger.

And that's just the basic, everyday life stuff we've figured out. Thinking of all of the ways humans continue to advance and progress is mind-boggling.

Sure, we still separate ourselves into artificial groups and fight over stupid things, but we also have created global organizations that collaborate to do incredible work to solve problems. Yes, our advancements have caused an imbalance in our relationship to the planet, but we also have developed the science to understand and begin to mitigate those impacts. Indeed, people can still be bafflingly ignorant or closed-minded, but we have access to everything that humans have ever learned available at our fingertips. That's incredible.

Our material progress may have outpaced our collective spiritual progress, and our political will to enact workable solutions might be a mess, but there's no reason to believe we won't figure those things out too. Look at all that we've been through and what we've accomplished. We are far more capable than we give ourselves credit for, in all areas.

Second, we can choose the filters with which we view the present.

When we look at the challenges we face and the difficulties in meeting those challenges, do we see a sign that humans are inept or a sign that we're trying to figure things out? Learning and problem-solving are messy, nonlinear processes. Sometimes progress is two steps forward, one step back. Growth involves growing pains, especially when we're actually growing the fastest. Building something new often requires tearing down something old first, and destruction feels like destruction even when it's necessary.

There's also the simple truth that we find what we look for. If we look for what is bad, wrong and unjust in the world, we'll find it. That stuff is there, no question. And some of it definitely needs our attention; ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. But focusing on the negative all the time is a choice—one that doesn't serve anyone well.

I could easily spend an entire day finding examples of how people are awful, how it seems like we're going backward in some ways, how society is totally messed up and how the future is doomed. (Just spend the day on Twitter. It's all there.) If my goal were to justify a cynical outlook on humanity, I could easily do so.

But I could also spend an entire day finding examples of how humans are amazing, how people come together to help one another, how organizations are solving problems and providing for people's needs, how progress is being made in all fields of human endeavor. If my goal were to justify a hopeful vision for humanity, I could easily do that as well.

Each of those scenarios is a choice. Which day seems like it would lead to a better outcome, either for me personally or for the world at large?

The negative, cynical stuff is constantly in our faces because of how media and social media work, but the positive, constructive stuff is all around us. We need to balance positivity with addressing real problems, but when we put more focus and energy into supporting and amplifying the things we want to see than the things we don't, we steer our ship toward hope.

Finally, we can remember that the future is still unwritten.

One of the hallmarks of cynicism is the sense that nothing changes, that we're going to be stuck in the same stupidity of our own making forever. But none of us has a crystal ball. We don't know what the future holds and how humanity will change through the inevitable ups and downs on the horizon. We couldn't have predicted we'd be here now three years ago, and we don't know what things will look like three years from now.

We can choose to envision a dystopian future—there are plenty of books and movies we can use for inspiration if that's what we want to do. Or we can choose to envision something better or greater than what we have now. Neither is guaranteed in any way, so we do have a choice in the matter.

Any psychologist will tell you that visualization can be a powerful and transformative tool. Just as we see what we look for in the present, we are more likely to create what we envision for the future. That's not to say that we can control everything, but we can decide what direction we try to encourage humanity to go with our lives. When we look forward to a future in which humanity and our planetary home thrive and flourish, we're much more likely to seek out ways to move us in that direction.

Hope is a choice we make daily, in our thoughts and in our actions. Cynicism can sing to us all it wants, but we will hold the wheel steady, look for the light on the horizon and steer that direction instead.

From Your Site Articles

101-year-old Holocaust survivor shares the secret to becoming the 'happiest man on Earth'

via TedxSydney / Flickr

This story originally appeared in 2018. Eddie Jaku recently passed away and so we are re-sharing his words of wisdom. The original story begins below.

It's a shame that many of us never truly appreciate what we have until it's gone. But this flaw seems to be hardwired into the human condition. We always long for what we don't have, instead of appreciating what we do.

Eddie Jaku, 101, has given himself the title of "happiest man on Earth" because, after living through the harrowing circumstances, he was able to appreciate what really matters in life.

On November 9, 1938, a night that would be forever known as Kristallnacht, or "the night of broken glass," Nazi forces burned synagogues and destroyed Jewish stores, homes, and property. So, Jaku, a Jewish teenager, living in Germany, returned home to an empty house.

The next day he was terrorized by Nazis, who shot his dog, and took him to Buchenwald concentration camp.

Eventually, he and his family would be taken to the most notorious Nazi camp. "I was finally transported to my hell on Earth, Auschwitz," Jaku said according to Today. "My parents and my sister were also transported to Auschwitz, and I was never to see my parents again."

In 1945, he was sent on a "death march" but escaped into the wilderness, surviving on snails and slugs until he was discovered by American forces.

The 'Happiest Man On Earth,' Shares His Wisdomwww.youtube.com

After the war, Jaku got married but still had a hard time shedding his painful past. However, after having his first son, he went through a powerful transformation.

Becoming a father inspired him to make a pledge that he's kept to this day. "I made the promise that on that day, until the end of my life, I promised to be happy, smile, be polite, helpful, and kind. I also promised to never put my foot on German soil again," he said in a 2019 TED Talk. "Today, I stand in front of you, a man who has kept all of those promises."

Jaku also came to the realization that he will never truly be happy as long as there is hate in his heart. "Hate is a disease that may destroy your enemy, but will also destroy you in the process," Jaku said.

As someone who lost a lot of family in the Holocaust, he derives an incredible amount of joy from his marriage, children, and grandchildren. He wants everyone to know that happiness is all about living in the now and embracing what you have, instead of waiting for happiness to come around the corner.

The happiest man on earth: 99 year old Holocaust survivor shares his story | Eddie Jaku | TEDxSydneywww.youtube.com

"Today I teach and share happiness with everyone I meet. Happiness does not fall from the sky, it's in your hands," he said.

"Tomorrow will come, but first enjoy today," he added.

"For me, when I wake up, I am happy because it is another day to enjoy," he said. "When I remember that I should have died a miserable death, but instead I'm alive, so I aim to help people who are down."

Jaku's wisdom is especially important as we recover from the COVID-19 pandemic. Many of us who haven't lived through traumatic events now know what it's like to be disconnected from the things that really matter.

Hopefully, the positive lesson we can all take from the pandemic is to appreciate the simple things we couldn't do such as hugging a parent or spending time with friends. It's also a reason to appreciate your health.

"If you are healthy, you're a multimillionaire," Jaku said.

Jaku wants to remind people that there's nothing better than being a friend.

"Remember these words," he concluded his TED Talk. "Please do not walk in front of me, I may not be able to follow. Please do not walk behind me, I may not be able to lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend."

From Your Site Articles

Have you heard of Sway? The game is turning family time into something totally positive.

Games are often the best medicine for life's troubles.

Margaret Marshall and Rachael Kauffung have found a delightful way of dealing with all the negative news from the past 12 to 18 months.

The two friends, who first met as co-workers at Amazon, have a major yen for games of all kinds and began holding weekly game nights as a way to de-stress.

In looking for new games to play, however, they noticed a lack of options that left everyone feeling good at the end of the night. Popular indie card game Cards Against Humanity brands itself "the party game for horrible people" while other games like Risk or Monopoly pit players against each other. Even games like Pandemic that require player collaboration to win can be kind of a downer at a time when Zika and Ebola have been part of the global conversation.

So the friends created a brand new game, one designed to make people feel good.

They called it Sway: A Game of Debate and Silver Linings.

Unlike other games, where players weigh worst-case scenarios or fight over hypothetical boardwalks while trying not to go broke or land in jail, players win Sway through the power of positive thinking.

Photo via Sway, used with permission.

In each round of the game, players go head-to-head in 30-second debates on various topics (both silly and serious) and win if they can “sway” the judge for the round. The twist? Players can only use positive arguments.

Oh, and occasionally players are challenged to present their arguments in Scottish accents or while doing a challenging yoga pose to get extra points. And when you win, you do a happy dance.

Just kidding. Dancing is totally optional. Photo via Sway creators, used with permission.

In the spirit of positivity and silver linings, Kauffung and Marshall have also decided to donate part of the game's profits to a charitable cause.

Image via B+ Foundation.

Kauffung's father, who recently lost his own battle with cancer, had always been passionate about fighting pediatric cancer. So for every game purchased, Silver Linings Games (the company that makes Sway) will donate $1 to B+ Foundation, an organization that supports families of kids with cancer.

Marshall and Kauffung hope playing Sway helps people remember that there's more to life than winning or being right — and that there's a silver lining to everything.

"[Sway is] not about winning or being right," Marshall and Kauffung explain in an email. "It's about silliness and silver linings and having a good time with people you care about (even if you disagree with them)."

As someone who recently played Sway for the first time, I can honestly say it's super easy to learn, definitely challenging, and filled with unexpected hilarity. It's a great way to dissolve tensions that may have built up between families and friends without letting competitive gameplay bring out the worst in you.

Not to mention, there was a study conducted at the University of North Carolina that found consistent positive thinking can make you happier, healthier, and more productive.

Photo via Sway creators, used with permission.

Whatever your way of reflecting on the positive things in life may be, it's important to remember how many reasons you have to laugh, cheer, and embrace the people around you. After all, it's hard to be mad when you're watching your friend try to explain the benefits of arachnophobia in a thick Boston accent — because that is not easy, but it is hilarious.

Want to learn more? Here's a fun video from the creators about Sway:

Shonda Rhimes said 'yes' for a whole year. These are 5 things she learned.

"You never say yes to anything."

These six words, uttered by Shonda Rhimes' older sister in 2013, open up the famous showrunner's new bestselling book, "Year of Yes." And they set Rhimes on a journey to say "yes" to everything that she could for one whole year.

In the process, she had some freeing and hilarious unforgettable experiences, lost over 100 pounds, and overcame her biggest fears. In short, she emerged a bold, happier person. And now she's sharing how.

Photo by Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images.

The book, which takes us on her "year of yes" journey, is chock-full of touching stories, personal revelations, and, of course, Shonda's characteristically authentic, no-holds barred witty prose with phrases like "Chicken bone, Janet Jackson boob fear-snot, y'all." (The book is worth a read simply for the story that goes along with that phrase.)

But most importantly, she shares some empowering lessons that should make any ambitious, driven woman stand up and say, "Yes!!!"

Here are five of my favorites:

1. "Ditch the dream. Be a doer, not a dreamer."

We're all told to have dreams. And not just any dreams — big dreams. HUGE dreams. We're told that dreaming those big dreams will somehow set us on a path to fulfill them. But Shonda calls foul on that thinking.

Dreamers, she says, spend their time looking up at the sky and making plans and talking and, well, dreaming. The doers are the ones who actually get about to the business of working, creating, and trying things and therefore getting things done and ending up more successful than they could have imagined.

Her own success as a game-changing TV writer and showrunner, for example, she says, "never would have happened if I hadn't stopped dreaming of becoming [Toni Morrison] and gotten busy becoming myself."

Shonda shared this lesson during the first big "yes" of her year: overcoming her fear of public speaking and agreeing to give the commencement speech at Dartmouth College. You can listen to it in full here:

2. "Wanna play?"

This is a simple lesson but one that is easy to forget in the fast-paced and stressful day-to-day life that many of us live: It's OK to play.

She says it's OK to stop and take 15 minutes to roll on the floor with her daughter or take a bubble bath and drink a glass of wine or just generally have some fun.

In order to make this happen, you may have to say no to some other things like answering email after work, being on time to an event, or meeting an unrealistic deadline. But the joy you get from indulging in a bit of pleasure every now and then will far outweigh the perceived losses.

Says Rhimes: "This 'Yes' is about giving yourself the permission to shift the focus of what is a priority from what's good for you over to what makes you feel good."

3. "It never ever helps to think that Whitney Houston's hairdo is real."

When Shonda was a teenager, she says wanted nothing more than to have her hair look like Whitney Houston's. She spent many frustrating mornings with curling irons and cans of hair spray only to find that her hair still did not look like Whitney's.

Then, one day, as an adult, she discovered that the fabulous Ms. Houston hair that she failed to achieve all those years was a wig. Mind blown.

Photo via Mark Kettenhofen/Wikimedia Commons.

Shonda uses this story to explain why she is so open about having a nanny.

As a mother who the world thinks "does it all," Rhimes says it is important to show the world that she doesn't do it all. She has help. The snacks she brings to her kid's school are store-bought, not homemade. She is constantly making tradeoffs to make things work. No matter how perfect her life may look, it isn't. Her life, her nanny, her store-bought snacks, they're all just like Whitney's wig.

When we stop feeling inadequate and stop comparing ourselves to ideals that may not even be real, we'll all be a lot happier.

4. "Thank you. Smile. Shut up."

This is Shonda's three-step process for accepting a compliment.

In her "Year of Yes," she practiced over and over to no longer do that self-deprecating, praise-rejection thing that so many women do. Instead, she learned to fully accept and receive praise. To help herself, she asked whether or not Wonder Woman, Serena Williams, or Beyoncé really doubt their greatness or feel bad about being told how "badass" they are. Probably not.

So while you may not be Wonder Woman or Beyoncé, if you are striving for greatness and doing the best that you absolutely can, you have to be OK with being better than everyone else sometimes.

Let that sink in for a second.

Not better as in an arrogant, "I matter more than you," existential sense but better at doing whatever it is that you do. Own your greatness. Own your expertise. And when someone compliments the thing you worked hard to achieve or be, just say thank you, smile, and shut up. Eventually, it'll start to feel good.

5. "Be the narrator of your own story."

As a writer, Shonda knows a thing or two about how to tell a good story. But with so many narratives about who and what a woman "should be" in regard to age, career, relationship status, and so many other expectations, it's hard sometimes to remember that you have the right to be the ultimate narrator of your own story.

In "Year of Yes," Rhimes gets personal and talks about the experience that finally empowered her to admit that she doesn't want to get married. She never has and, as far as she knows now, never will. And that's OK. It is just one of many truths that she began to realize she had to embrace and own in order to write her own life story.

She had to finally say "yes" to who she is.

Saying yes to who we really are and not allowing narratives constructed by others to dictate how we feel and what we do is essential to living a life of freedom and fulfillment.

This is just a taste of the advice Rhimes gives in "Year of Yes."

Now, of course, we don't all have the funds and resources to say yes to every opportunity that comes along, but the overall message of the book goes beyond financial limits.

Rhimes encourages us to acknowledge what is right for each of us and what empowers us to push past our fears, embrace our greatness, and do the things that will add meaning and value to our lives.

Who wouldn't want to say yes to that? Not just for 365 days, but for forever? I'm pretty sure that's exactly what Shonda has in mind.