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People swear by the unusual 'Solid Snake' conversation trend to conquer social anxiety

It's actually an easy Japanese active listening trick.

Canva Photos & Konami

People have found a really great active listening technique in a super strange place.

There is an art to being a good listener. Physically using your ears to hear what someone is saying, and your brain to process it, is only part of the battle. You also have to show the person you're talking to that you're listening and that you care. Asking questions is a great way to keep the conversation flowing and let your talking partner know you're engaged. But what if you're socially anxious, shy, or just can't think of anything to say? It's harder than it seems, especially when meeting new people!

The solution is easy. Just take a page out of Solid Snake's book. Who's Solid Snake? Just a former Green Beret, special ops solider, spy, assassin, and the protagonist of the popular Metal Gear Solid video games. You might wonder what the heck Solid Snake, aka David, knows about active listening. It turns out, quite a lot.

The "Solid Snake conversation method" is taking the world by storm. It's part trend, part meme, and 100% effective.

 conversation tips, social anxiety, small talk, socializing, etiquette, politeness, introvert, video games Solid Snake is here to help your social anxiety!  Giphy  

You don't need to know anything about video games to understand where the method comes from. Suffice it to say, Metal Gear Solid is a plot-heavy game series, full of cut-scenes that feature lots of dialogue and exposition.

It's become a bit of a joke in the gaming world that Snake, a man of few words, tends to fall back on one particular conversational technique over and over: He repeats, or echoes, bits of what the other characters say. It adds emphasis to important points, creates good conversational pacing, and allows the plot and dialogue to continue on smoothly.

Here's a (made up) example:

"Snake, we've got to get the blueprints!"

"The blueprints?"

"Yes, the bad guys are constructing a devastating bomb!"

"A bomb?"

"Indeed! You'll find the prototype in that bunker over there."

"A bunker?"

You get the idea. You can watch it in action here.


  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

Why does this random video game character speak in this strange cadence? And why are people stealing it to use in real life?

You might think this dialogue is just a clunky tool for exposition or the result of bad writing, but you'd be wrong!

The Metal Gear Solid games are written and developed in Japan by a team led by legendary developer Hideo Kojima. Though translated into English and created in part for an American audience, the games feature a lot of bits and pieces of Japanese culture.

Frequent repetition and conversational echoes are extremely commonplace in Japanese. It's part of a polite active listening technique called "Aizuchi," which refers to frequent interjections to show interest, engagement, reassurance, and politeness.

Aizuchi includes interjecting with words or phrases (or their equivalents) like "I get it," "Yeah," "Really?" or even repeating back parts of the original speaker's words, a la Solid Snake.

According to Niko Smith at FluentU, "Perhaps you already use some of these interjections in conversation. While your friend is [telling you a story]... you might nod a few times or throw in a surprised 'No way!' or 'What happened next?' [Aizuchi] works in a similar way, but it’s more relentless. As the listener in a conversation, you might find yourself doing just as much talking as the speaker."

Smith adds that in America, young people are often taught specifically not to interrupt or speak while someone else is talking. In Japan, doing so frequently—in the right way—is a sign of respect and interest.

Better yet, Aizuchi doesn't require the listener to be particularly brilliant in conversation, charismatic, or creative. Even socially awkward people, or anyone who clams up in social situations, can muster a few polite interjections!

This technique exists outside of Japanese culture, too. In fact, it's a well-known wat to keep conversations flowing effortlessly, give you time to think about what you're going to say, and make your conversation partner feel heard and appreciated.

It's no surprise that people familiar with the game have been trying the technique in real life for years. In 2023, a viral 4chan post helped popularize the idea, and more recently a (now deleted) post on X went super viral referencing how effective the "Solid Snake conversation method" is for meeting new people.

 

The technique is hitting home with young people, especially gamers and the chronically-online, which makes for a really productive and much-needed discussion.

Gen Z has grown up with social media taking the place of many in-person interactions, screens everywhere, and of course, the COVID years. All of these factors affect the way they communicate with each other, especially in real life:

Maddy Mussen writes for The Standard, "Gen Z slang is all about shutting people out. It’s an inside joke, the more unintelligible the better. It’s in keeping with its etymology. When your whole modus operandi is being exclusionary, it doesn’t make for a lot of meaningful conversation."

It would be an unfair blanket generalization to say young people only speak in brainrot and have no idea how to operate in the real world. But Gen Z is racked with social anxiety to a far greater degree than previous generations. They need all the tools and practice they can get when it comes to operating in the real world and speaking to people they don't know well.

If they, or anyone else, can take a useful tip from their favorite video game character, there's nothing wrong with that at all.

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Culture

Why elbows on the dinner table is rude and other seemingly nonsensical etiquette rules

Placing your fork and knife one way means you're done but another way means you hate the food?

Photo credit: Canva

Why elbows on the dinner table is an etiquette no-no.

"Don't put your elbows on the table," is something most people living in the western world heard when they were growing up. There was never much explanation outside of it simply being rude, but who decided propping your elbows on the table while you ate is something to be frowned upon? It turns out there was actually a legitimate reason for this rule when it was first introduced according to an etiquette expert.

William Hanson, an etiquette coach, took some time to answer people's questions about etiquette rules for WIRED, and one of the very first questions is from a woman demanding to know why there's a rule about no elbows on the table. It's one of those rules that seems nonsensical even after reaching adulthood, but according to Hanson, the rule started with good reason.

 etiquette; etiquette rules; elbows on the table; silly etiquette rules; fine dining rules Dish on white ceramic plate  Photo by Jay Wennington on Unsplash  

"The no elbows on the table rule goes back to the medieval times in Europe when they were eating from trestle tables. They would put these benches out with sheets of wood on top. If you put your elbows on the table, the table would tip and the food would go everywhere, and obviously that's not very good etiquette, and so it became the etiquette to not put your elbows on the table. We do really still abide by the no elbows on the table rule because I think it looks really ugly," Hanson explains.

The etiquette questions were wide ranging, with a couple of revelations that may be surprising for some, like the right way to stir your tea is not in a circle at all. According to Hanson, the proper way to stir tea is actually to gently move the teaspoon back and forth in the cup. For some reason moving the spoon back and forth instead of in a circle doesn't feel like you'd actually be stirring anything, but it looks more sophisticated than clanking the spoon in a circle.

 etiquette; etiquette rules; elbows on the table; silly etiquette rules; fine dining rules Person holding white ceramic cup  Photo by Etienne Boulanger on Unsplash  

Later in the video, Hanson gives an informative lesson on how to properly eat peas. Those little green buggers can be annoying with their tendency to roll off of your utensil. Of course, a lot of people put the fork down to swap it out for a spoon when there are peas involved to make things easier, but Hanson shares that there's actually a proper way to eat peas that doesn't involve spoons or chasing them as they roll out of your dining room.

"What we don't do is scoop like this," Hanson says while demonstrating a scooping motion. "In really casual dining that might be permissible but in more formal dining we're going to be using both the fork and the knife. Some people do this," he says while using the knife to scoop peas on his fork. "I think this is more difficult to keep those peas balanced. You see, there we go. One's gone. It's much better to just spear them onto the tines of your fork and eat like so."

One etiquette rule that may surprise quite a few Americans is that clinking your glasses together when offering a cheers is not proper. Hanson explains that "in formal dining, you're drinking from fine glassware that's expensively made and if you do start smashing your glasses together, you're going to hear the clink of glass all over the floor, and that'll somewhat ruin the meal."

 etiquette; etiquette rules; elbows on the table; silly etiquette rules; fine dining rules people holding clear glass bottles during daytime  Photo by Quan Nguyen on Unsplash  

Hanson then takes time to debunk a viral infographic attempting to demonstrate how to place your silverware to inform the servers what you think of the meal and if you're ready for the next course. He seems to have pretty strong feelings about this misinformation calling it "a bunch of rubbish."

"The only positions you put your cutlery in when they're not being held in your hand is to indicate that you are resting or if you are finished," Hanson says before laying the tines of the fork across the butter knife on his plate to demonstrate the resting position. He then shows that when you're finished with the food you are to put your fork and knife parallel on your plate, which could also be angled slightly, depending on what part of the world you're in. In France the same position applies but the fork is turned over, meaning the tip of tines are on the plate. This indicates you're finished with your meal to the serving staff without them having to ask.

Another helpful etiquette tip is that, according to Hanson, the only appropriate time to interrupt someone is if they're on fire and they haven't discovered it on their own. But he reminds people that "a conversation is meant to be like a game of tennis. You're not meant to hold the ball and never let it go."

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Health

People are finally discussing the secret etiquette of pooping at someone else's house

Is the courtesy flush polite or a waste of water?

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Lighting a candle? That's basic compared to these advanced tips.

Poop anxiety isn't the most heavily studied medical field, but some estimates say up to a third of people suffer from some kind of anxiety around going to the bathroom in a public place or another person's home. On the low end, they can feel ashamed or embarrassed. At the higher end, they may avoid social functions, public events, or leaving their own home entirely. This phenomenon also tends to affect women more than men. For some people the worry gets so bad that they constipate themselves or refuse to eat, all because they're worried of what people will think of them.

But you don't have to have extreme "shy bowel" to know the uncertainty associated with feeling a rumbly tummy while you're a guest in someone's house. There are a lot of unknowns to manage. How good is their soundproofing? Does their toilet actually flush properly? Will someone be waiting to go in right after me? Some people anticipate these worries and come up with elaborate rules and routines to leave as little evidence of their go as possible.

A guy took a simple question to social media: Should you always courtesy flush when you're a guest in someone's house? The answer sparked a huge debate about the secret etiquette of public pooping.


poop, bathroom, dancing, funny, humor, toiletThis dancing poop says pooping can be fun!Giphy

In a thread on the subreddit r/NoStupidQuestions, the OP asked: "My mother tells me that at other people's houses, when going to the bathroom, it's expected to do a 'courtesy flush'. Is this a real thing?"

For the uninitiated, a courtesy flush is when you flush halfway through your "go." The thinking is that it helps get rid of odors before they build up. Not only that did the poster's mother advocate for courtesy flushing, she insisted on a very specific ritual when visiting other people's homes:

  1. Always carry Poopurri and spray before you go
  2. Flush halfway through your session
  3. Flush at the end (obviously)
  4. Clean toilet bowl with wand... every time!
If it sounds a little extreme to you, you're not alone.

However, some commenters were extremely pro-courtesy flush.

toilet, bathroom, home, hygiene, cleaning, etiquetteWhite ceramic toilet bowl with cover. Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash

"I’ve done the 'courtesy flush' thing for years… mainly to help minimize lingering odors more than any other reason."

"That’s good advice. First flush on delivery, second flush with clean up. Reduces odor and skid marks."

A few people noted that the courtesy flush is common in jails and prisons, of all places. Due to the tight (extremely tight) quarters, inmates are encouraged to repeatedly flush while they go. I don't want to know what the consequence might be for violating this code.

Others claimed the courtesy flush was a waste of water:

"Flushing twice seems very wasteful in my opinion. I would not like a guest to do that."

"No, please don't waste my water. But do make sure everything goes down."

"If someone did that at my house I'd be low key annoyed at them for wasting water."

Experts agree that the effectiveness of the courtesy flush is very much up for debate. Does it mildly lessen odor? Maybe. It's also a gigantic waste of water. Older toilets can use up to six gallons per flush—yikes! An extra flush is also questionable at best when it comes to sanitation—flushing poop with the lid open is known to spray bacteria all over the bathroom. Yuck.

"Everyone poops, I don't want my guests worrying about it," wrote one commenter. "Crack a window if it's like, lethally stinky, I guess. If you clog the toilet, the plunger is in a plastic tub right there. If you need help, cool, now we have a funny story."

The courtesy flush, however, was only the beginning of the OPSEC tips for pooping in public.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Some commenters were on board with OP's mother's idea of using the toilet brush if it's available:

"If there's some brown stuck to the porcelain after I flush, and if there's a toilet brush on hand, I give it a quick cleaning and a second flush. But not if things look clean otherwise," someone wrote.

Another commenter had an even more advanced idea: "You can also float a strip of toilet paper on top of the water before you poo. Gets wrapped in paper as you drop off your delivery and less likely to leave skid marks in the bowl."

Of course, commenters in threads all over the Internet sing the praises of Poo-Pourri, or even carrying a lighter with you at all times to burn up some of the stinky oxygen. And how's this for a pro-level tip?

"Tip for the courtesy flush.. if one who finds it hard to poop in a public bathroom because you don’t want people to hear you. Flush just right before you push and the sound of the water will cover the sound of gas etc and it will go right down with the water so very minimal smell."

I mean, all you can do really is clap at the social-anxiety-fueled ingenuity on display. The experts seem to agree here. Even Healthline recommends carrying air purifier spray, lining the inside of the bowl with toilet paper to absorb sound, and flushing several times to reduce anxiety worries.

The general consensus is that, when pooping at someone's house, basic etiquette applies. Clean up after yourself to a normal degree, but remember, as the saying goes: Everybody poops.

Some people are really protective over the bathrooms in their homes, which is their right. But if that's the case, they really shouldn't be having guests over and expecting them not to partake in normal human biological behaviors.

Some of the advanced tips shared by anxious-pooers might help, but try not to send yourself into a tailspin trying to cover your tracks. In extreme cases of bathroom anxiety, experts say cognitive behavior therapy or even antidepressants may be needed. But the rest of us might just need to read that world famous children's book again.

This article originally appeared in March

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Fiercely hilarious exchange finally settles the debate over how to split the check with friends

Why should I pay for your lobster?

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A woman side-eyes a bill from a restaurant.

Picture this. You're at dinner with a bunch of friends. You're not super hungry and a little strapped for cash, so you order a small Caesar salad and one beer. The check comes and your friend (we'll call her Wanda) says, "Okay everyone, let's just splitsies. That's 100 dollars per person. Venmo is fine."

If I had a dime for every time this happened to me, I'd be rich enough to actually pay for other people's filet mignon. It's especially annoying when that "one person" (looking at you, Wanda) orders ten appetizers for the table and you find yourself with one forkful of roasted cauliflower but are still expected to absorb that into your portion of the bill. And apparently, I'm not alone in this quandary. The "how should the bill be split?" question has re-emerged as one of the most fierce debates online, and folks have a lot of opinions.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Over on the subreddit r/poor, an OP asks, "How to handle splitting dinner bill when others order expensive things?" They essentially elaborate that they would like advice on what to do if someone in your dinner party orders "expensive rib-eyes and wine" and then suggests evenly splitting the bill. "Any elegant ways to approach this?"

One commenter gets right to the point: "Pay for what you order. Plain and simple." But some argue it's not so plain and simple. This person claims you must get ahead of it: "Nah bro, before going to the place clarify that you're not splitting the bill, that everyone is paying for their own food. Then tell the server that you're doing separate checks."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

A lot of waitstaff have complained, however, that they don't actually like the separate check option, as it's a huge, unnecessary hassle for the restaurant. So, barring that method, some actually say if you can't split the bill, "don't go out." That judgmental belief was met with this: "I've honestly never understood the greed and gluttony of some people. They want to split the bill, conveniently enough, when they've put the most on the tab. I've always found that the people with the least to give are the first to offer to pay or treat someone else. Those with the most money like taking advantage."

That Redditor also offered this advice: "If you can only afford your own meal, bring exact change or close to what you think it will be and throw that in when the bill comes."

TikTok user Lisa Beverly (lisabeverlyy) has an entire sketch about it. Playing both roles, she acts out the super relatable conversation between the one who orders everything and wants to split the bill, and the one who orders nothing and doesn't.

@lisabeverlyy

who’s in the right #pov #friends #besties #relatable

Experts are even weighing in. On YouTube, NPR put up this nifty video plugging their Life Kit podcast called "The Social Etiquette of Splitting the Check." In it, they describe different scenarios and ways to combat the awkwardness when these situations arise. One suggestion is to "speak up," as "it can make people a little bit more conscious of the non-drinkers in the group."

She also brings up the "separate check" option, but notes that can be a "tough ask" if the group is super large.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

If all else fails, and you find yourself unable to use these tactics, maybe YOU should be the one ordering the surf 'n' turf with a side of 60-year-old whiskey. Then, ask for a Venmo of 1,000 each, and you'll be set.

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