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The 'middle seat rule' and other unspoken airplane etiquette passengers should know

How are people who don't travel frequently supposed to know these things?

Photo credit: Canva

Avoid common faux pas on airplanes with these unwritten rules.

When you fly on an airplane, you agree to abide the passenger rules set by the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA), even if you don't know what all of them are. If a crew member catches you breaking an FAA rule, they will definitely let you know. But there are other "rules" of airline travel, largely unspoken and unwritten, that people who fly frequently abide by as well. If you don't travel a lot, you may not be aware of these rules, and it's not likely that someone will tell you if you break them, but knowing them makes air travel much more pleasant for everyone.

The middle seat rule

Most people have a preference for which seat they prefer—window, middle or aisle—with almost no one preferring to sit in the middle. (According to a survey from Going, 53% of people prefer the window seat, 46% prefer the aisle and a whopping 1% want the middle seat.) The window seat gets the views and control of the window shade and the aisle seat gets extra elbow room and controls when the row exits, but the middle seat only seems to come with down sides. Since the middle seat is basically the booby prize of air travel, the person who occupies it deserves to have at least one perk—control over the middle armrests.

empty row of airplane seatsThose two middle armrests go to the middle seat occupant.Photo credit: Canva

The middle seat rule means that the aisle and window seat occupants let person in the middle seat use the two middle armrests. What else do those poor souls have, really?

The rules of reclining

Few airline etiquette topics are more contentious than the "right to recline." The vast majority of economy airline seats have a button that allows the seat back to recline a few inches, but whether or not you should use it is a question without a clear answer. It's become even more of a question mark in the era of ever-shrinking legroom, with passengers fighting for every inch of space they can get.

Though people have strong opinions one way or the other, the general consensus for reclining "rules" seems to be that the courteous thing to do is 1) alert the person behind you that you want to recline, 2) don't recline during a meal, 3) avoid reclining on short-haul flights, 4) don't recline on someone who is using a laptop, and 5) when you do recline, ease the seat back slowly.

The headphones rule

There are actually two rules when it comes to headphones: 1) Wear them if you're watching or listening to something. No one wants to hear whatever you're watching or listening to. And 2) If someone's wearing headphones, don't try to chat them up.

woman wearing earbudsDon't talk to people wearing headphones or earbuds unless you really have to.Photo credit: Canva

Some people are airplane talkers and some aren't, but headphones a surefire way to signal that you're not up for chatting with strangers. If someone is wearing headphones or earbuds, that's a clear "please don't talk to me" sign, so unless there's something you really have to ask or tell someone wearing them, leave them to themselves.

The headrest rule

We all know getting in and out of the middle or window seats to go to the restroom can be a challenge, but if at all possible, try to avoid grabbing onto the headrests of the seats in front of you for leverage. It's better to move more slowly to climb your way across the seats than to seize someone's headrest like it's a grab bar. If you've ever tried to nap on a plane and had your headrest yanked suddenly with someone's full body weight, you understand this rule first hand.

The rules of deplaning

Getting onto a flight is a pretty orderly process since there are assigned seats and boarding groups and whatnot. But getting off the plane is another story. As soon as the plane parks at the gate and the seatbelt sign is turned off, it feels like the whole plane collectively thinks they'll just be able to stand up and walk off, but that's not how it works.

people sitting on an airplaneSit tight until the plane doors open and the front rows start emptying.Photo credit: Canva

First of all, it takes several minutes to get the plane doors ready to open, so standing up and filing into the aisle is a fairly useless practice (which also tends to make people feel a bit impatient). Sitting tight until the first people start actually deplaning keeps things a bit more relaxed.

But more importantly, some people seem to think deplaning is a free-for-all, with whoever can make it into the aisle with their luggage first taking priority, but that's not how it works. Emptying the plane row by row from the front to the back is The Way, so waiting patiently until the rows in front of you empty before filing out makes deplaning more efficient and less hectic.

Most unspoken rules, on airplanes or elsewhere, are based on common sense and/or courtesy. But since air travel comes with its own unique peculiarities, what's sensible or courteous may not be obvious, so it helps to have those rules explained. When everyone on the plane is on the same page, it makes for a much more pleasant travel experience for all.

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Pop Culture

Woman who opens food at the grocery store before paying has started a huge debate over shopping ethics

Is it okay to snack on groceries while you shop?

@cecilybauchmann/TikTok

We may never reach an agreement on this.

To snack, or not to snack while grocery shopping? That is the question. At least, that’s been the question for as long as grocery stores have existed: Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer through "hanger" and cravings, or take into your arms precious sustenance that fuels you through the shopping trip, so long as you pay for it later.

Apparently, there is very little gray area with this subject. People seem to have very, very strong opinions as to whether or not eating food at the grocery store is appropriate behavior.

Case in point—the heated comments that were ignited after TikTok influencer Cecily Bauchmann filmed herself placing an empty sushi container on the checkout conveyor belt.

“I also opened this in store. I’m sorry, I was so hungry!” Bauchmann explains to the cashier through a giggle.

As she revealed in her caption, this is a regular shopping routine. “Me every time at the grocery store,” she wrote. “Opening food at the grocery store is a normal thing.”

@cecilybauchmann OPENING FOOD IS A NORMAL THING AT THE GROCERY STORE K?🍓✨#relatablemom #relatablemomlife #groceryshopping #groceryhaul #grocerystore ♬ original sound - Cecily Bauchmann

And thus, the war was waged.

“My mama never let us do this and I get lowkey embarrassed when anyone I’m with does this :///” one person wrote.

“Idc how hungry I am, I'd never do this,” another wrote.

One even called out: “It isn’t mine until I pay for it. In my head it’s considered stealing.”

On the other hand, several sided with Bauchmann, saying that they do it themselves when hunger strikes.

“I do that too. If you pay for it at the end then I see no problem,” one person commented.

Many noted that for parents with hungry (and impatient) kiddos, pre-checkout snacking is the only real option for a smooth shopping experience.

“My mom only does this sometimes if we go grocery shopping and my lil siblings really want it,” one person shared.

“I let my child eat a bag of goldfish we hadn’t paid for yet while at Target. I didn’t know this was a controversy?” another seconded.

Even cashiers couldn’t seem to agree.

“When I’m a cashier I get annoyed sometimes when people hand me their trash to scan,” one noted.

Another argued, “I’m a cashier, it’s pretty common lol. I just offer to throw it away for them if it’s empty.”

Still, another wrote, “I worked at a grocery store for 5 years. As long as you don’t eat food that’s cost is by weight and you don’t make a mess it’s fine.”

Zero consensus to be had.

Morals and etiquette aside, what’s the legal stance on this? In the UK, the answer is definitive. It is against the law to snack while you shop. But in the United States, things aren’t so well defined.

According to Betty Wang, attorney and contributor to Find Law, U.S. law requires two elements in order to define an activity as shoplifting. One, taking the item (duh) and two, intentionally evading checking the item out.

Therefore, the argument of “as long as they pay for it later” does somewhat hold up in court, so to speak. However, things change when an item is priced by weight, since you are technically not paying for that which was already consumed.

Also, most stores have individual discretion known as shopkeeper's privilege, meaning that, legally speaking, there really is more of a gray area. Basically, unless you get called out for the snacking by an employee or loss-prevention officer, it’s pretty fair game.


Will there ever be a general consensus on this? Maybe not. We humans have very different moral codes a lot of the time, even when it comes to mundane activities. Sometimes you never know what seemingly harmless thing to you is actually a social faux pas to someone else. But hey, it keeps things interesting.

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Security guard pulled a hilarious prank on a man who didn't return his grocery cart

u/77frosty7/Reddit

This man will never not return a shopping cart again.

If you were unaware that not returning one's grocery cart to the store or the stall was a major source of controversy, welcome to the internet. Entire articles have been written about the psychology of putting your cart away in the parking lot, there's a "Shopping Cart Theory" that treats your cart-returning habits as a test of moral character, and people definitely have feelings about it.

(Full disclosure: I abandoned my cart in the parking lot once. I was a new mom with a screaming baby in the car and the cart return felt like it was miles away and I was wickedly sleep-deprived. So sorry. Please don't flog me.)

People's intense opinions on grocery cart etiquette may be why this video on Reddit of a security guard pulling a fast one on a man who did not appear to have any other reasonable excuse for not walking a few extra steps to return his cart is so popular. It feels like a bit of righteous justice being served as the bafflingly clueless man keeps being duped over and over again.

Watch:

People in the comments found it hilarious, though great debates were waged over whether or not the whole thing was staged. Where did all those carts come from? Was there some sort of cart clown car we can't see? Why did the man never look around the other side of the car? Did he really never notice the security guard or the carts in his side-rear-window?

It's hard to believe someone could be that oblivious—except if the QAnon era has taught us anything, it's that more people are far more gullible than we could have possibly imagined. So perhaps it is plausible.

Whether or not it's staged, it's downright delightful with the woman's laughter and "this is my kind of petty" running commentary.

"It's like the parking lot version of a Western standoff!" Ha! And when the "mall cop" puts out his arm to shake the man's hand, and then the man sheepishly helps him move all the carts to the cart return? Classic.

One thing's for certain: Neither that man nor anyone who watches this video will ever not return a cart to the stall or the store again. Objectively, it actually is quite rude, knowing that someone else will eventually have to do it for you. (Again, sorry. I was just so very tired. I've made up for it, I promise.)

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Want to start an intriguing debate? Ask for people's thoughts on handwritten thank you notes

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

I belong to a private Facebook group filled with parents of teenagers and college-aged students, and due to the sheer number of people, it's not uncommon for differences of opinion to arise. Rarely, though, have I ever seen a debate as split as the one raised by a post about something seemingly benign: Handwritten thank-you notes.

A mom shared that she was requiring her graduating senior to write thank you cards—the old-fashioned variety, complete with handwritten note, envelope, and postage stamp—and that emailing, texting, or calling on the phone to say "thank you" were unacceptable alternatives. She said her son was writing the notes but didn't like it, and she blamed computers and having to type assignments all the time for his resistance.

Some parents will read that paragraph, nod along, and agree 100% with this mom.

Others say the method doesn't matter—it's the message that counts.

Within hours, more than a thousand comments poured in and the responses were sharply divided between the "Yes, written thank you notes only!" and "Oof, that's a really outdated notion." (Not that the idea of gratitude is outdated, but the idea that appreciation must be written by hand and sent in the mail.)

Some people chimed in to say that they don't give gifts with any expectation of thanks, but naturally, it's good to teach kids to express gratitude when someone gives a gift. The method, however, is up for debate.

There is something extra personal about seeing someone's handwriting and holding a tangible note in your hand, especially in an age where we don't get nearly as much mail as we used to. But is that just nostalgia from an era on its way out?

As some people pointed out, kids today live in a different world, one where environmental consciousness comes as naturally as technological know-how. Isn't it a waste of paper to send a note in an envelope when you can say the exact same thing in an email or a text? Do email or text actually feel less personal to young people who do much of their communication electronically?

And isn't it just as personal to call someone on the phone and thank them with your voice as it is to send them a note with your handwriting? Some seem to think so.

Perhaps it's just a matter of tradition and strict etiquette standards? This is the way I was taught things were done, therefore that's is the way it is and it's wrong to do it a different way?

Again, some seem to think so.


Some parents rightly pointed out that times change, and what previous generations did is not automatically better or more thoughtful than the way young people today might prefer to do things. As long as kids grow up knowing that it's appropriate to let someone know you received their gift and appreciate their generosity, what difference does it make how they do it?

For some people, it makes a lot of difference. The die-hard handwritten thank you note folks were quite adamant about their stance, to the point of withholding their kids' gifts and checks until the thank you cards were postmarked and in the mailbox.

Kudos to those parents for teaching their kids to say thanks, but they're also making a broad assumption that everyone prefers to receive a thank you card. Again, comments from others showed that's not the case.

Many people said that they just end up looking at a thank you note for a few seconds before throwing it away anyway, and that they'd actually prefer to get a phone call. Some went so far as to say they hate getting thank you notes, saying it's a waste of paper and money for postage and they prefer messages of gratitude that use fewer resources.

Scrolling through the responses, people's opinions seemed pretty much split half and half between "Only handwritten thank you notes, always" and "Doesn't matter how you say thanks as long as you say thanks."

Who knew the basic thank you note was such a hot topic of debate?

One thing we can all agree on is that it's polite to say thank you when someone gives you a gift. Regardless of the method by which you do so, acknowledging someone's thoughtfulness and expressing gratitude is a valuable life skill. So always say thanks—but maybe try not to get too hung up on how it's done.

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