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Fiercely hilarious exchange finally settles the debate over how to split the check with friends

Why should I pay for your lobster?

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A woman side-eyes a bill from a restaurant.

Picture this. You're at dinner with a bunch of friends. You're not super hungry and a little strapped for cash, so you order a small Caesar salad and one beer. The check comes and your friend (we'll call her Wanda) says, "Okay everyone, let's just splitsies. That's 100 dollars per person. Venmo is fine."

If I had a dime for every time this happened to me, I'd be rich enough to actually pay for other people's filet mignon. It's especially annoying when that "one person" (looking at you, Wanda) orders ten appetizers for the table and you find yourself with one forkful of roasted cauliflower but are still expected to absorb that into your portion of the bill. And apparently, I'm not alone in this quandary. The "how should the bill be split?" question has re-emerged as one of the most fierce debates online, and folks have a lot of opinions.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Over on the subreddit r/poor, an OP asks, "How to handle splitting dinner bill when others order expensive things?" They essentially elaborate that they would like advice on what to do if someone in your dinner party orders "expensive rib-eyes and wine" and then suggests evenly splitting the bill. "Any elegant ways to approach this?"

One commenter gets right to the point: "Pay for what you order. Plain and simple." But some argue it's not so plain and simple. This person claims you must get ahead of it: "Nah bro, before going to the place clarify that you're not splitting the bill, that everyone is paying for their own food. Then tell the server that you're doing separate checks."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

A lot of waitstaff have complained, however, that they don't actually like the separate check option, as it's a huge, unnecessary hassle for the restaurant. So, barring that method, some actually say if you can't split the bill, "don't go out." That judgmental belief was met with this: "I've honestly never understood the greed and gluttony of some people. They want to split the bill, conveniently enough, when they've put the most on the tab. I've always found that the people with the least to give are the first to offer to pay or treat someone else. Those with the most money like taking advantage."

That Redditor also offered this advice: "If you can only afford your own meal, bring exact change or close to what you think it will be and throw that in when the bill comes."

TikTok user Lisa Beverly (lisabeverlyy) has an entire sketch about it. Playing both roles, she acts out the super relatable conversation between the one who orders everything and wants to split the bill, and the one who orders nothing and doesn't.

@lisabeverlyy

who’s in the right #pov #friends #besties #relatable

Experts are even weighing in. On YouTube, NPR put up this nifty video plugging theirLife Kit podcast called "The Social Etiquette of Splitting the Check." In it, they describe different scenarios and ways to combat the awkwardness when these situations arise. One suggestion is to "speak up," as "it can make people a little bit more conscious of the non-drinkers in the group."

She also brings up the "separate check" option, but notes that can be a "tough ask" if the group is super large.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

If all else fails, and you find yourself unable to use these tactics, maybe YOU should be the one ordering the surf 'n' turf with a side of 60-year-old whiskey. Then, ask for a Venmo of 1,000 each, and you'll be set.

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Joy

The 'middle seat rule' and other unspoken airplane etiquette passengers should know

How are people who don't travel frequently supposed to know these things?

Photo credit: Canva

Avoid common faux pas on airplanes with these unwritten rules.

When you fly on an airplane, you agree to abide the passenger rules set by the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA), even if you don't know what all of them are. If a crew member catches you breaking an FAA rule, they will definitely let you know. But there are other "rules" of airline travel, largely unspoken and unwritten, that people who fly frequently abide by as well. If you don't travel a lot, you may not be aware of these rules, and it's not likely that someone will tell you if you break them, but knowing them makes air travel much more pleasant for everyone.

The middle seat rule

Most people have a preference for which seat they prefer—window, middle or aisle—with almost no one preferring to sit in the middle. (According to a survey from Going, 53% of people prefer the window seat, 46% prefer the aisle and a whopping 1% want the middle seat.) The window seat gets the views and control of the window shade and the aisle seat gets extra elbow room and controls when the row exits, but the middle seat only seems to come with down sides. Since the middle seat is basically the booby prize of air travel, the person who occupies it deserves to have at least one perk—control over the middle armrests.

empty row of airplane seatsThose two middle armrests go to the middle seat occupant.Photo credit: Canva

The middle seat rule means that the aisle and window seat occupants let person in the middle seat use the two middle armrests. What else do those poor souls have, really?

The rules of reclining

Few airline etiquette topics are more contentious than the "right to recline." The vast majority of economy airline seats have a button that allows the seat back to recline a few inches, but whether or not you should use it is a question without a clear answer. It's become even more of a question mark in the era of ever-shrinking legroom, with passengers fighting for every inch of space they can get.

Though people have strong opinions one way or the other, the general consensus for reclining "rules" seems to be that the courteous thing to do is 1) alert the person behind you that you want to recline, 2) don't recline during a meal, 3) avoid reclining on short-haul flights, 4) don't recline on someone who is using a laptop, and 5) when you do recline, ease the seat back slowly.

The headphones rule

There are actually two rules when it comes to headphones: 1) Wear them if you're watching or listening to something. No one wants to hear whatever you're watching or listening to. And 2) If someone's wearing headphones, don't try to chat them up.

woman wearing earbudsDon't talk to people wearing headphones or earbuds unless you really have to.Photo credit: Canva

Some people are airplane talkers and some aren't, but headphones a surefire way to signal that you're not up for chatting with strangers. If someone is wearing headphones or earbuds, that's a clear "please don't talk to me" sign, so unless there's something you really have to ask or tell someone wearing them, leave them to themselves.

The headrest rule

We all know getting in and out of the middle or window seats to go to the restroom can be a challenge, but if at all possible, try to avoid grabbing onto the headrests of the seats in front of you for leverage. It's better to move more slowly to climb your way across the seats than to seize someone's headrest like it's a grab bar. If you've ever tried to nap on a plane and had your headrest yanked suddenly with someone's full body weight, you understand this rule first hand.

The rules of deplaning

Getting onto a flight is a pretty orderly process since there are assigned seats and boarding groups and whatnot. But getting off the plane is another story. As soon as the plane parks at the gate and the seatbelt sign is turned off, it feels like the whole plane collectively thinks they'll just be able to stand up and walk off, but that's not how it works.

people sitting on an airplaneSit tight until the plane doors open and the front rows start emptying.Photo credit: Canva

First of all, it takes several minutes to get the plane doors ready to open, so standing up and filing into the aisle is a fairly useless practice (which also tends to make people feel a bit impatient). Sitting tight until the first people start actually deplaning keeps things a bit more relaxed.

But more importantly, some people seem to think deplaning is a free-for-all, with whoever can make it into the aisle with their luggage first taking priority, but that's not how it works. Emptying the plane row by row from the front to the back is The Way, so waiting patiently until the rows in front of you empty before filing out makes deplaning more efficient and less hectic.

Most unspoken rules, on airplanes or elsewhere, are based on common sense and/or courtesy. But since air travel comes with its own unique peculiarities, what's sensible or courteous may not be obvious, so it helps to have those rules explained. When everyone on the plane is on the same page, it makes for a much more pleasant travel experience for all.

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Pop Culture

People admit these common social norms are actually quite 'ridiculous'

Why are will still doing some of these?

Photo credit: Canva

Just because everyone's doing it…it doesn't make it right.

There are plenty of societal norms that have stood the test of time— washing your hands before leaving the bathroom, saying “please” and “thank you,” using a blinker to indicate when you're turning or switching lanes…though we know that not all of society does these things…But still, man, if not most of us do, and the world seems to be better for it.

However, there are just as many widely accepted behaviors that perhaps could use some reevaluation, whether they’re outdated, or just downright asinine.

Recently, someone on Ask Reddit prompted folks to share common social norms they secretly found “ridiculous,” and answers flooded in—everything from obsolete workplace etiquette to baffling economic obligations that only put folks more in a financial bind.

On the job front, gummywormeater wrote that they are sick of it being normal for job ads to not have pay transparency, writing, “are we really pretending as if the money isn’t a big factor as to why I’m applying?”

Luckily, demand has led to legislative change, with several states enacting laws to ensure employees and job applicants have access to salary information. But clearly, there’s still a ways to go.

Someone else lamented the standard “two weeks to quit a job” practice, since it demands loyalty of the employee without doing the same thing of the employer.

“They can let you go without even a seconds warning but if you leave without giving a two week notice you’re the bad guy and filed under ‘not rehireable’, they said, adding, “The entire idea behind the two week notice is so they could train your replacement but these days they often don’t really have anyone lined up for that. Then they ask you to stay on another week. Not your problem though.”


via GIPHY

Others noted how things that were often regarded as rude manners really weren’t rude at all.

“Crossing my arms means I’m closed off. Actually I’m just really comfortable standing that way. I do it all the time,” said It_is_me_Mike , while the obviously introverted humming-bird5 lamented “having to say bye to every person when leaving an event.”

Similarly, -rocky23m said:

“I secretly find ridiculous is the expectation to always respond with ‘I'm fine’ or ‘I'm good’ when someone asks how you're doing, even when you're clearly not. It's as if we're all part of an unspoken agreement to avoid genuine emotional exchanges in casual interactions, reducing a potentially meaningful conversation to mere pleasantries. It feels like a missed opportunity to connect on a deeper level, yet it's so ingrained that we all just go along with it.”

media.giphy.com

When it comes to social media, many agree that it’s caused us to normalize whipping our phones out and broadcasting every moment of our day. Rather than just, you know, experiencing it.

“Posting your entire life online.” -Queenofswords_love

“Having to be available 24/7.” Formal-Eye5548

There are plenty of parenting norms that are well and good, but PlaysTheTriangle doesn’t get the trend of “not just letting kids be weird. My son used to wear the weirdest stuff and if we were going out I’d be like ‘Go for it! You’re six, live it up!’”

Then there came the subject of money.

Dances28 thought it was ridiculous that it’s so common to spend money just “to flex,” asking “why do I care if random people think I'm rich?”

On that note there were lots of folks who didn’t get why certain (very expensive) things were just expected to be bought in order to declare some kind of status or keep up with outdated traditions.

“Wearing brand name clothing. As long as you have nice clean clothes on I don’t care what brand they are. Scuh

“Over the top weddings. What an incredible waste of money.” -Pithecanthropus88


via GIPHY

“Gender reveals. What a grandiose waste of money, time and resources.” -Sea-Gene-901

“Having kids when you can’t even afford rent.” -morningsunzzz

Lastly, to end on a lighthearted note, SwimInTheOceanAtNite wrote, “Blaming the way someone acts on their zodiac sign.” We’ve all heard someone do that…if we haven’t done it ourselves.

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Pop Culture

Woman explains why she 'never returns' her shopping cart, sparking huge debate

“I’m not returning my shopping cart. You can judge me all you want.”

Photo credit: Canva, @drlesliedobson/TikTok

“I’m not returning my shopping cart. You can judge me all you want.”

The “shopping cart theory,” supposedly sprung to life from an anonymous 4chan user in May 2020, states that whether or not a person returns their shopping cart is “the ultimate litmus test” for if said person is “capable of self governing.”

The theory surmises that since returning a shopping cart is both an easy and “objectively right” thing to do, but not legally enforced, “good” people will do so in an effort simply because it’s the right thing to do. Conversely, “bad” people won’t do it out of selfishness or entitlement.

However, forensic psychologist and mom Dr. Leslie Dobson seems to disagree with the concept, and recently went viral for explaining why she never returns her shopping cart.

“I’m not returning my shopping cart,” she said in a clip posted to TikTok. “You can judge me all you want.”

From her perspective, it’s a safety issue. “I’m not getting my groceries into my car, getting my children into the car and leaving them in the car to go return the cart. So if you’re gonna give me a dirty look…F- -k off.”

@drlesliedobson #groceryshopping #shoppingcart #traderjoes #protectourchildren #protectourkids #educational #groceries #singlemom #drleslie ♬ original sound - Dr. Leslie

Dobson’s take left viewers baffled, many of whom shared criticism in the comments section.

“Shopping cart return stations are all over the parking lot — so never really more than 20 seconds away and you still can’t be bothered?” one person wrote.

“I’m a single disabled momma. I have a placard and thus park in the handicap spots. I rely on the cart to help me walk and still walk the cart to the corral and hobble back to my car,” said another.

This prompted Dobson to share a follow-up video in which she stated that "Last year, 265 children were abducted in parking lots in America, half of those were sexually assaulted. As a single mom returning your shopping cart, you are prime for a predator to watch and grab you."

@drlesliedobson

♬ original sound - Dr. Leslie

According to Fox News, that statistics comes from Kids and Car Safety, which reports that 265 cars had been stolen with children alone inside in 2022, though not all in parking lots. Also worth noting: the same fact sheet doesn't mention sexual assault, however, it does say that theives frequently steal cars not knowing a child is inside, and will then abandon the car or the child on the side of the road.

In her video. Dobson also noted that in many states, like California, it’s illegal to turn your car on and walk away in a parking lot, and said that in certain congested cities like Los Angeles (where she resides) it could be a “12 minute walk” from the car to back to the store to return a shopping cart.

With both her clips, people argued that there were obvious ways to both return carts and keep kids nearby at the same time.

“1) put groceries in the car 2) walk with the kids in the cart to the cart house 3) return cart 4) walk back to the cars with kids,” one viewer wrote.

Another seconded, “mom of a 6yo, 3yo and 9months. I simply unload the groceries, return cart WITH kids, and then load them in. Same way that we got out of the car. Simple.”

Regardless of whether or not you agree with Dobson’s specific stance, it’s fascinating how this universal aspect of daily life reflects how individuals view society as a whole.

Back in 2017, anthropologist and author Krystal D’Costa wrote not one, but two articles for the Scientific American dissecting all the ways in which someone might or might not return their shopping cart. After receiving thousands of comments from “Returners,” “Never Returners” and everywhere in between, she concluded that no matter what category you might fall into, “the main point is that we all need to look around us and think not only about ourselves and our comforts but those of others.” That includes both cart abandoners and those that might judge them for doing so.

Bottom line: it's often the way we handle the most mundane parts of our day that reflect our views on life as a whole. Maybe that’s why something like grocery etiquette becomes such a hot button issue so easily.

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