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Mom explains why she doesn't teach her kids about 'stranger danger' and it makes a ton of sense

Her approach teaches kids safety skills without instilling a fear of people they don't know.

stranger danger, child safety
@themarciewhalen/Instagram

Marchie Whalen explains her approach to teaching her kids about safety.

In the 1960s, the Little Golden Books series included a book called "Never Talk to Strangers," a cute little sing-songy rhyme with a host of silly animals and an ominous, repeating refrain: Never talk to strangers.

For generations, the "Don't talk to strangers" message for kids has been as ubiquitous as "Wear your seatbelt" and "Look both ways when you cross the street." But unlike those clear-cut safety rules, "stranger danger" messaging comes with some significant drawbacks and glaring omissions.

Mom and life coach Marcie Whalen shared why she and her partner don't teach their kids the concept of "stranger danger" at all, and her alternate approach makes a lot of sense.

“Parents are trying to protect their kids, keep them safe. But most people are good people," Whalen says. "And we want our girls to be outgoing and have conversations with people to be, in general, hospitable to those around them. And so instead of talking about strangers, we talk about strange behavior.”

Whalen points out the statistical truth that it's far more likely that kids will be abused or hurt by someone they know rather than a stranger. "So I want my girls to understand what strange behavior is—asking them to keep a secret…asking them to go somewhere without their mom or dad—and my girls understand what to look for, whether it’s in somebody they know really well or somebody they don’t know at all."

Watch her explain:

"Stranger danger" may be catchy as a rhyme, but when we teach kids that strangers in general can't be trusted, we instill a sense of fear about everyone they don't know, which isn't entirely fair and can quickly become confusing. Real life involves interacting with strangers all the time, so kids miss developing an important life skill if all they hear is that strangers might be dangerous. We also talk about the kindness of strangers being a good thing, so at what point do kids learn to stop fearing unfamiliar people and start reaching out with kindness?

In truth, some strangers will be more trustworthy and safe than some people kids know, so automatically feeling paranoid about every stranger won't guarantee their safety. Kids who are old enough to be in situations where they might interact with strangers without a parent or guardian beside them are old enough to learn what kinds of situations to avoid and what behavioral red flags to watch for. Most obviously, we should teach kids some specific luring tactics to watch for with strangers, such as an adult asking a child for directions or for help looking for a lost puppy, in addition to the classic tempting them with candy. However, it's also important that they know "strange behavior" isn't always super obvious, so they should listen to their gut if something seems even a little bit "off" or questionable.

For parents worried about kidnapping, it may help to know that even the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children avoids the "never talk to strangers" message as well.

“At the National Center, we don’t teach stranger danger, either," executive director Callahan Walsh told TODAY Parents. "We know that child safety is much more nuanced than just a rhyming phrase. There are inherent flaws with that strategy.”

Walsh shared that kids will often describe strangers as "mean" or "ugly" or "monster-like," which isn't the reality with most people who actually pose a threat. Teaching children to avoid strangers also might prevent them from seeking help from a stranger, such as a security guard, a store employee or a mom with kids, if they find themselves in a scary or dangerous situation.

Of course, knowing your own kid also comes into this equation. Some children are more naturally anxious and cautious, while others may be oblivious to potential dangers, so tailoring the messaging to a child's temperament is wise. Whalen's premise is solid either way, though. Most people are good, most threats come from people kids know and "stranger danger" is a simplistic approach to keeping kids safe that doesn't take the whole of reality into account.


This article originally appeared on 2.22.23

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Sorry, Labradors. After 31 years, America has a new favorite dog.

The American Kennel Club has crowned a new favorite.

via Pixabay

A sad-looking Labrador Retriever

The sweet-faced, loveable Labrador Retriever is no longer America’s favorite dog breed. The breed best known for having a heart of gold has been replaced by the smaller, more urban-friendly French Bulldog.

According to the American Kennel Club, for the past 31 years, the Labrador Retriever was America’s favorite dog, but it was eclipsed in 2022 by the Frenchie. The rankings are based on nearly 716,500 dogs newly registered in 2022, of which about 1 in 7 were Frenchies. Around 108,000 French Bulldogs were recorded in the U.S. in 2022, surpassing Labrador Retrievers by over 21,000.

The French Bulldog’s popularity has grown exponentially over the past decade. They were the #14 most popular breed in 2012, and since then, registrations have gone up 1,000%, bringing them to the top of the breed popularity rankings.

The AKC says that the American Hairless Terrier, Gordon Setter, Italian Greyhound and Anatolian Shepherd Dog also grew in popularity between 2021 and 2022.

The French Bulldog was famous among America’s upper class around the turn of the 20th century but then fell out of favor. Their resurgence is partly based on several celebrities who have gone public with their Frenchie love. Leonardo DiCaprio, Megan Thee Stallion, Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez, Reese Witherspoon and Lady Gaga all own French Bulldogs.

The breed earned a lot of attention as show dogs last year when a Frenchie named Winston took second place at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show and first in the National Dog Show.

The breed made national news in early 2021 when Gaga’s dog walker was shot in the chest while walking two of her Frenchies in a dog heist. He recovered from his injuries, and the dogs were later returned.

They’ve also become popular because of their unique look and personalities.

“They’re comical, friendly, loving little dogs,” French Bull Dog Club of America spokesperson Patty Sosa told the AP. She said they are city-friendly with modest grooming needs and “they offer a lot in a small package.”

They are also popular with people who live in apartments. According to the AKC, Frenchies don’t bark much and do not require a lot of outdoor exercise.

The French Bulldog stands out among other breeds because it looks like a miniature bulldog but has large, expressive bat-like ears that are its trademark feature. However, their popularity isn’t without controversy. “French bulldogs can be a polarizing topic,” veterinarian Dr. Carrie Stefaniak told the AP.

american kennel club, french bulldog, most popular dog

An adorable French Bulldog

via Pixabay

French Bulldogs have been bred to have abnormally large heads, which means that large litters usually need to be delivered by C-section, an expensive procedure that can be dangerous for the mother. They are also prone to multiple health problems, including skin, ear, and eye infections. Their flat face means they often suffer from respiratory problems and heat intolerance.

Frenchies are also more prone to spine deformations and nerve pain as they age.

Here are the AKC’s top ten most popular dog breeds for 2022.

1 French Bulldogs

2 Labrador Retrievers

3 Golden Retrievers

4 German Shepherd Dogs

5 Poodles

6 Bulldogs

7 Rottweilers

8 Beagles

9 Dachshunds

10 German Shorthaired Pointers


This article originally appeared on 03.17.23

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She got a nasty note on her car for parking in a disabled spot. Her response is a vital read.

Not all disabilities are visible.

Emma Doherty/Facebook

A nasty note gets a strong response.

We've all seen it while cruising for spots in a busy parking lot: A person parks their whip in a disabled spot, then they walk out of their car and look totally fine. It's enough to make you want to vomit out of anger, especially because you've been driving around for what feels like a million years trying to find a parking spot.

You're obviously not going to confront them about it because that's all sorts of uncomfortable, so you think of a better, way less ballsy approach: leaving a passive aggressive note on their car's windshield.

Satisfied, you walk back to your car feeling proud of yourself for telling that liar off and even more satisfied as you walk the additional 100 steps to get to the store from your lame parking spot all the way at the back of the lot. But did you ever stop and wonder if you told off the wrong person?


What if that person on the receiving end of the note had a perfectly good explanation for why they're driving car with a disabled sticker and tag?

That's exactly what happened to Emma Doherty, who was surprised to see someone pen such vitriolic words to her in this letter she found on her car.

The language in the note is pretty harsh:

"You lazy conning b-tch. You did not have a disabled person with you! These spaces are reserved for people who need them!!!"

I get that avoiding conflict is something that's been trained into us, but maybe if whoever wrote this note decided to say something to Emma, this entire thing could've been cleared up entirely.

Instead, she had to take to Facebook to pick apart the anonymous grouch and explain her situation to the rest of us. And hopefully whoever wrote the note (if they see her post) understands why they were terribly wrong.

Emma is the mother of a terminally ill child, Bobby. Her ruthless and powerful message sheds light on the misconceptions associated with disabilities and helps to break the stigma that all impairments are visible, because they're not.

"To the person who put this on my car, which I had put my disabled badge fully on, I'm not angry at your pure ignorance, I'm actually upset with it. How dare you ever accuse anyone of not needing a disabled badge without knowing. I wish you had the balls to say this to my face and I would have told you (even tho I don't need to explain myself to the likes of you) but I'd have happily said why I have a badge."

"I promise to get the stigma away from people with disabled badges who don't "look disabled." I hope this gets shared and back to you and you will see my son is terminally ill, he's had over 15 operations, 3 open hearts, 2 stomach, lung and diaphragm and countless artery stenting operations and spent half his life on intensive care."

respect, community, disabilities, visible disability

Emma Doherty and her son Bobby.

SOURCE: FACEBOOK

In her post, she delineates the severity of Bobby's illness, which has put the young man through multiple surgeries and procedures that are no walks in the park.

"He's had 2 strokes and was paralyzed, brain damaged and has a spine and hip condition as well as a massive heart condition. The reason I didn't get his wheelchair out was because I was running late because my son, who had a MRI scan, CTSCAN and a dye for heart function yesterday, only got discharged late and was back in this morning so carried him in."

"But for your information not everyone who holds a blue badge needs to have a wheelchair! I've told ... security and broke down, I've sat through things nobody should see but why did your note break me? Because it's your pure ignorance towards others. I'm a single mom trying my best to hold it together for my son who's in and out if hospital. NOT ALL DISABILITIES ARE VISIBLE and I hope you regret doing this and learn your lesson!”

Throughout her post, Emma simultaneously castigates the person and drives one important point home: Just because someone isn't in a wheelchair or crutches, doesn't mean they aren't disabled or in need of physical care or assistance.

I knew something would be said one day as every day I get looks and stares and see people whispering to each other about me and Bobby walking from the car. Everyone needs to stop and think before acting. I hardly ever let anything upset me but this did. How aggressive as well, and as for conning my son's disabled pass... [It] is not a con, he's actually seriously ill. I've added a picture of him to prove not everyone looks ill or disabled but can be seriously ill.

The mother clarifies at the end of the message that she's sure it wouldn't be a hospital staff member who wrote the message, because those who work in healthcare are well aware of the various reasons someone would have a disabled tag on their vehicle.

"I'd like to point out this has nothing to do with the hospital itself. They were lovely with me when I was upset and they treat us with every respect, always have [in our] 3 long years with them. They've saved my son's life many times. It [was] just somebody who was parked [there].”

Her post quickly went viral, with many people echoing her sentiments and thanking her for helping to clear up that tons of people suffer from different disabilities and that not all of them are so readily apparent.

SOURCE: FACEBOOK

And as it turns out, Emma isn't the only parent who's dealt with judgmental individuals who gave them flack for having a disabled sticker on their car. As if having to deal with a sick child isn't enough, they also have to suffer through getting guff from randos on the street over a measly parking spot.

SOURCE: FACEBOOK

Bobby's condition has left him without pulmonary artery function, which means that blood will not pump throughout his body. As you can imagine, walking long distances — or performing many physical tasks otherwise healthy individuals take for granted — are out of the question for the 3-year-old.

As a result of her son's condition, Emma has to take him to the hospital for treatments throughout the week, and seeing the note on her car while having to deal with that ultimately set her off. Thankfully, she used her anger to send a positive message.

Floored by the positive response to her message, Emma went back online to thank people for being so receptive and helping to spread awareness that disabilities come in many forms.


"My inbox is full of people who have told me they have been stared at or even spat at. This is a serious problem and I just want it to change. I am hoping by sharing what I went through people will start to think before acting."



This article first appeared on 11.26.19.


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Lebanese dance troupe wins 'America's Got Talent' with one final incredible performance

The lionesses have proudly walked to victory.

Talent Recap/YouTube

The competition came down to the Mayyas and pole dancer Kristy Sellars.

The fan-favorite all-female dance troupe from Lebanon took home the ultimate prize on a September 2022 episode of “America’s Got Talent,” beating out some incredibly heavy competition this season. With the win came a $1 million cash prize as well as the opportunity to headline a show at Las Vegas' Luxor Hotel and Casino.

From first-round auditions to the riveting live finale, the Mayyas have consistently lived up to their name, which translates to “proud walk of the lioness,” with remarkable skill and fearlessness in each and every performance.

You can take a look at their entire “AGT” journey below, ending with that unforgettable finale. Prepare to be blown away.

The dance crew promised to “hypnotize” during its first-round audition, and did so with flying colors. Having previously won “Arab’s Got Talent” back in 2019, the Mayyas were well prepared to wow the crowd.

Their spellbinding performance granted the Mayyas a golden buzzer from judge Sofia Vergara, who called it the “most beautiful creative dancing” she had ever seen.

They once again left audiences with their jaws on the floor after their semifinal routine, which was even more bold and dramatic. Howie Mandel called it the “best moment in AGT history,” adding that the Mayyas should be “the poster people for female empowerment."

Simon Cowell also predicted that their performance would “change the world.”

Then came the live finale, where the proud lionesses left it all on the stage. The stunning performance had glowing orbs of light, glittery galaxies and a huge white gown made out of large feather fans. In a word, it had everything.

Yeah, it was hauntingly beautiful.

Viewers have been rooting for the Mayyas from the beginning—not only for their ability to create mesmerizing illusions using clever choreography and brilliant prop manipulation, but for their mission to “prove to the world what Arab women can do, the art we can create, the fights we fight.”

As explained by Nadim Cherfan, the team’s choreographer, “Lebanon is not considered a place where you can build a career out of dancing, so it’s really hard, and harder for women.”

This combined with the country’s worsening economic crisis and apparent political corruption made each advancement to the next round mean so much more than getting closer to a coveted title. As Cherfan told People, “It’s about a huge bigger message for our people to make them believe in themselves and to give hope to our country who is going into a dark time."

The Mayyas shared their well-deserved victory with their home country, posting a video to Instagram of the win along with the caption saying “Lebanon, this one’s for you.”

It’s lovely to see incredible talent. It’s even better to hear the incredible stories behind the talent. The Mayyas were dedicated to showing the world what Arab women can do, and they succeeded.


This article originally appeared on 9.16.22

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13 side-by-side portraits of people over 100 with their younger selves

These powerful before-and-after photos reveal just how beautiful aging can be.

via Jan Langer/Aktualne

Jan Langer's incredible photos are timeless.

Czech photographer Jan Langer's portrait series "Faces of Century" shows them in a different light: as human beings aged by years of experience, but at their deepest level, unchanged by the passing of time.

In the series, Langer juxtaposes his portraits with another portrait of the subject from decades earlier. He recreates the original pose and lighting as closely as he can — he wants us to see them not just as they are now, but how they have and haven't changed over time. That is the key to the series.

These are the rare faces of people who have lived through two world wars, a cavalcade of regimes, and the rush of advancements in modern life. These photos, and the stories of the lives lived by the people in them, show not only the beauty of aging, but how even as we age, we still remain essentially ourselves.


1. Prokop Vejdělek, at age 22 and 101

All photos by Jan Langer.

Vejdělek is a former metallurgical engineer who will never forget the taste of warm fresh goat's milk.

2. Bedřiška Köhlerová, at age 26 and 103

Originally born in Merano, Italy, Köhlerová wishes to visit Italy one more time.

3. Ludvík Chybík, at age 20 and 102

Chybík is a former postal carrier and says he will never forget the route he worked every day.

4. Vincenc Jetelina, at age 30 and 105

Jetelina spent eight years in prison after World War II. Now, he just wants to live the rest of his life in peace.

5. Marie Fejfarová, at age 101

Fejfarová burned all her material memories, including old photographs, when she decided to move to a long-term care facility. She lived a dramatic life, hiding from the Nazis and then the Russians, but eventually she was able to travel the world with her husband. Her experiences show there's no such thing as too late in life to start a new chapter.

6. Antonín Kovář, at age 25 and 102

Kovář is a former musician whose daughter comes to visit him every day. He wishes to play the clarinet once more.

7. Anna Vašinová, at age 22 and 102

Vašinová will always remember the day her husband was taken away by the Nazis. She wishes to be reunited with him after death.

8. Stanislav Spáčil, at age 17 and 102

Spáčil was an electrical engineer throughout his life and thinks that it's too early in his life to think about the past.

9. Anna Pochobradská, at age 30 and 100

Pochobradská was a farmer. She now lives a quiet life and is thankful that her daughter visits her every weekend.

10. Antonín Baldrman, at age 17 and 101

Baldrman was a clerk early in life and keeps up with current events by reading the newspaper.

11. Marie Burešová, at age 23 and 101

Burešová loves talking to her family and wishes to have them all together again.

12. Vlasta Čížková, at age 23 and 101

Čížková cooked in the dining room at the airport in the small village of Vodochody. She'll never forget reciting her own poetry at wedding ceremonies.

13. Ludmila Vysloužilová, at age 23 and 101

Vysloužilová stays active every day by chopping wood, shoveling snow, and doing work around her house.

The photographer Langer was initially inspired to document the lives of elderly people because of what he saw as the media's lack of coverage of them. He decided to focus on people over the age of 100 — a very rare demographic indeed. The 2010 U.S. Census reported only 53,364 centenarians, which is only 0.19% of the population of people 70 years or older.

“One should live every single moment according to their best knowledge and conscience because one day we will see clearly what has a real value," Langer says of what he learned from his subjects while photographing them.

The series was originally part of a story that Langer did for the Czech news outlet aktuálně.cz. You can see more photos from the portrait sessions by following the link.


This article originally appeared on 12.08.17.



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Popular life hack has people putting their toilet paper in the refrigerator

No, we're not joking.

via Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels and SmartFoxLifeHacks/TikTok

Have you heard the new toilet paper hack?

Before the COVID-19 pandemic, people took toilet paper—especially its availability—for granted. Everyone who experienced those hectic days probably has a new appreciation when they roll down the aisle of their local supermarket and see fully stocked shelves of TP.

A new trend shows that people aren’t only appreciating their toilet paper but finding new ways to use it that go beyond its traditional use: keeping toilet paper in their refrigerators. The most common reason is that it is an effective and affordable way to keep them smelling fresh and clean. It seems that TP’s absorbent qualities go far beyond the bathroom.

The new practice has been popularized on TikTok, where most new life hack trends seem to be springing up these days.

In late September, TikTok user @Ezenwanyibackup shared a toilet-paper-in-the-fridge hack, and it received over 1400 views. The hack involves creating a paste out of baking soda and applying it to the top of the roll. "Now, just stick it in your fridge," the TikTokker said. "This simple hack is going to neutralize all the smell and moisture that messes up your fridge, keeping your food fresh and tasty for way longer."

@ezenwanyibackup

Just put a roll of toilet paper in your fridge, and you won't have that problem anymore! #ezenwanyibackup #foryoupage #homemaderemedies #healthy #homemaderecipes #foryou #diy #naturalrecipes #recipe #fypシ゚viral @ezenwanyibackup @ezenwanyibackup @ezenwanyibackup @This Recipe @Queen ezenwanyi1

Smartfoxlifehacks has also helped promote the new trend in kitchen cleanliness with his video, where he shares how he keeps toilet paper in his fridge. He recommends that people change their rolls every 3 to 4 weeks. He claims the "trick" comes from the hotel industry because the toilet paper “absorbs odors."

@smartfoxlifehacks

This is a secret Trick from Hotels… 😱🦊 #lifehack #tipsandtricks #cleaningtricks #cleaninghacks

Another TikTokker, @Drewfrom63rd1, has a unique use for the toilet paper in his fridge. He chills it and then uses it as an ice pack to keep his food cold. “You can use this as an ice pack,” he says, putting a roll out of his fridge. “It does really work. It lasts about 8 hours.”

@drewfrom63rd1

Replying to @wgez

House Digest explains why toilet paper is so effective at keeping your fridge smelling fresh.

“For obvious reasons, toilet paper is designed to be extremely absorbent,” Brooke Younger writes at House Digest. “However, it doesn't just absorb liquids on contact; it can also pull them from the surrounding air. If you've ever touched your bathroom's toilet paper roll after a steamy shower, you might notice that it feels a bit damp. Placing a clean toilet paper roll in your fridge will absorb some of the internal humidity and, with it, those stinky particles.”

The site adds that toilet paper can also help keep dark, damp parts of your house, such as a closet or basement, stay fresh, too.

The toilet paper hack is effective, and it’s also a great way to save money. The average roll of TP costs about $1, which is much cheaper than a refrigerator deodorizer that can set you back about $10.

Now, for the sake of all the people who love this hack, let’s hope that word spreads so that no one gets any side-eye for having stacks of TP in their fridge. But we should also hope it doesn’t become so popular that people start hoarding toilet paper again. That wasn’t fun the first time.


This article originally appeared on 11.20.23

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