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online dating

Body language expert Kate Kali shares her dating advice.

Figuring out if your date is into you can be like reading a map—everyone has their own set of signs and signals, and some people’s can be hard to read. Plus, we all want to put our best foot forward, so we might not let our true feelings show right away, either. It’s like trying to win a friendly game of guess-who.

The problem is that in the fast-moving world of online dating, mixed signals can lead to missed connections.

So, body language expert Kate Kali posted a video sharing the ‘3 Nonverbal Sings That Someone Finds You Attractive.”


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1. They touch you, even if it’s momentary

"If they touch you in any way, even if it's like a little brush or they just kind of touch your shoulder for a second, that's a pretty sure sign that they're interested in you," she says. "Typically in a dating scenario, if somebody touches you, they're actually subconsciously—and sometimes quite consciously—testing out what it feels like to be physically connected to you."

2. Dilated pupils

"If someone's pupils dilate, they are definitely into you. The eyes are connected to the heart—that's a Chinese face-reading thing—and when the pupils dilate, they are quite literally, physiologically, trying to take in more of you," Kali says.

3. Watch their belongings

"You will notice that couples or people that are dating that are into each other will subconsciously and slowly, over time, get their drinks closer together," Kali explains. Conversely, if your date moves their things away from you, it could mean they aren’t interested yet.

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Why it matters that this dating app took a stand for one of its users.

Online harassment is a real problem. This dating app is trying to fix it.

Online dating can be pretty hit or miss, as this chat between Ashley and Connor shows.

Sometimes people click; other times, they don't. In the case of Ashley and Connor, two users of the Bumble app, it's pretty safe to say they didn't hit it off. Ashley initiated contact with Connor, trying to make small talk about work — as one does.

Screenshots from Bumble.

It didn't exactly go well. Connor took offense to Ashley's question, "What do you do?" and it escalated from there.

Put off by the (pretty standard) question, Connor tore into Ashley, accusing her of "shamelessly attempting to pry into [his] career" and his earning power.

Screenshots from Bumble.

Whoa, buddy! Later in the conversation, he called her an "entitled, gold-digging whore," and accused her of pushing "this neo-liberal, Beyonce, feminist cancer which plagues society" on him before putting her down for presumably making less money than him.

Screenshots from Bumble.

It was awkward, pretty uncomfortable, and sadly, pretty common.

According to a 2013 Pew Research survey, 42% of women on online dating sites reported receiving "uncomfortable or bothersome" messages. Bumble tries to make this better by requiring that women send the first message. In doing this, they hope to sidestep some of this sort of harassment.

Image from Bumble, used with permission.

But after that particular exchange got posted to Twitter, the team at Bumble decided to craft an open letter for Connor and guys like him. It was awesome.

The whole thing can be read on Bumble's company blog, but here's a pretty choice section:

"While you may view this as 'neo-liberal, Beyonce, feminist-cancer,' and rant about the personal wounds you are trying to heal from classic 'entitled gold digging whores,' we are going to keep working. We are going to expand our reach and make sure that women everywhere receive the message that they are just as empowered in their personal lives as they are in the workplace. We are going to continue to build a world that makes small-minded, misogynist boys like you feel outdated."

They ended the note by telling Connor they hope he comes around, but that for the meantime, he's blocked from using the app. Boom.

GIF from C-SPAN.

Bumble's message was about so much more than just Ashley and Connor. It was about what's wrong with dating culture as a whole.

"The entire exchange made our skin crawl," a Bumble spokesperson told Upworthy. "He so blatantly represents the misogynist voice that argues against equality, and in turn, holds back anyone wanting to be treated as an equal. We feel like, as a society, we should be past the point of sexism. We know as an app, we can only do so much, but we are taking every opportunity we can to have a cultural impact and shed light on the right way to treat people."

Image from Bumble, used with permission.

They explained that the company's goal (aside from, you know, helping people land dates) is to fight online harassment and hold people accountable for their actions.

"Our hope is that by highlighting negative behavior, we can somehow, at least in a small way, promote kindness and show that being friendly, upbeat and nice actually gets people a higher chance of getting a date through our app."

"We are trying to level the playing field for women and in turn, take the pressure off of men's stereotypical roles in dating relationships. Our hope is that by highlighting negative behavior, we can somehow, at least in a small way, promote kindness and show that being friendly, upbeat, and nice actually gets people a higher chance of getting a date through our app."

No one should have to endure that kind of harassment and abuse. Not in person, not online — not even in dating apps. Thankfully, the Bumbles of the world are trying to make that a reality.