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People agree these 19 things are weirdly romanticized, but are actually huge red flags

"The idea of someone cheating on their spouse to pursue you. How is that romantic? Please be serious."

One person's romantic is another person's cringe.

We all love a good love story. The grand gestures, the unbridled spontaneity, and those "against all odds” moments that give relationships a dose of movie magic are everything. But, sometimes, the things we’ve been taught to swoon over—whether that be due to pop culture or more overarching societal trends—are actually pretty toxic when you stop to think about them.

Recently, someone asked folks to share their own examples of behaviors that are “weirdly romanticized” but are actually major red flags once you look past the glossy surface, and honestly, it’s eye-opening.

Here are some of the most surprising (and perhaps unsettling) examples they shared. One major category belonged to those tropes we see in many, many television shows, movies, and even songs…

1. "Having someone who is completely obsessed with you."

dating, modern dating, dating apps, romance, romance tips, relationships, relationship red flags, relationship green flagsmedia1.giphy.com

2. "Enemies to lovers. It's cute in theory, but how can you be with someone when you know all the disgusting things they've said about you before your relationship?"

3. "I used to love the 'asshole-to-everyone-except-you' trope until he started being an asshole to my friends. Some tropes are meant to stay fictional."

4. "The 'I'm just a girl' trend and other TikTok trends that are used to deflect any accountability or responsibility as an adult human being."

dating, modern dating, dating apps, romance, romance tips, relationships, relationship red flags, relationship green flagsmedia4.giphy.com

5. "The idea of someone cheating on their spouse to pursue you. How is that romantic? Please be serious."

6. "Pressuring someone to hurry up and put a ring on it."

Two people brought differing, yet equally important views on work/love life balance.

7. "Sacrificing your professional or personal life to pursue someone."

8. "Honestly, I think we conflate hard work with unhealthy boundaries between the self and career, and we romanticize working overtime, long shifts, and doing excessive tasks as a display of personal growth. We've manipulated ourselves into feeling that giving our time to pursue our work is noble. I'm saying this as a student in medicine, where hours are absolutely wild. I know I'll work my hardest, but I won't sacrifice my sense of self and my time to eke out my own passions and life just to get ahead in my career track. At least, I hope I don't lose sight of myself in the pursuit of following my dreams. It can be really hard not to notice that that's where you're headed until you've already sacrificed so much."

How folks handle—or don’t handle—conflict also was a major red flag.

9. "Not being confrontational. Needless confrontation is bad, but sometimes, you do need to confront someone."

10. "Fighting all the time. No, it doesn't mean that your relationship is 'passionate.' It means that you're probably incompatible and shouldn't be together."

dating, modern dating, dating apps, romance, romance tips, relationships, relationship red flags, relationship green flagsmedia.giphy.com

Finally, this category belongs to things that many people think often carry a hidden warning, even if they seem workable, even harmless, at first.

11. "I knew a girl whose boyfriend went everywhere with her. He wouldn't let her go anywhere if he weren't there, and she thought it was cute how 'possessive' he was over her. It thoroughly icked me out when she told me. Like, that is not healthy at all."

12. "Being a 'free spirit.' Like, there's a gray area, but there's a time and place to be inhibited and misbehave. Not following rules in public settings because you're 'free' gets old really fast."

13. "Being the charismatic 'heavy drinker' in friend groups. Goes for men and women."

14. "When people say things like, 'He's just broken,' as if it's something romantic. Having pain doesn't justify cruelty, and loving someone shouldn't mean bleeding just to make them feel whole."

15. "People who brag about not being interested in reading or learning. Here in the US, there is a huge anti-curiosity or anti-intellect movement, and people will literally brag about being ignorant."

16. "Being over controlling. My coworker thinks it's adorable when they say stuff like, 'My husband would kill me if I got a tattoo there!' Gross. Sorry that your husband is so fragile."

17. "People who constantly post about their partner. It's not romantic, it's performative. Real love doesn't need a PR campaign."

18. "'Traditional values.'"

dating, modern dating, dating apps, romance, romance tips, relationships, relationship red flags, relationship green flagsmedia3.giphy.com

Lastly, perhaps the oldest red flag in the book…

19. "The idea that playing games or being 'hard to get' in a cruel way will make their crush or interest want them more."

Note the one gesture that no one mentioned as un-romantic: flowers. Just sayin'.

Joy

What matters more, looks or money? Here's how men and women really judge dating profiles.

There’s a big difference in how men and women evaluate online dating profiles.

A man and woman look at online dating profiles.

If you are confused by the world of online dating, a new study gives a fascinating look into how heterosexual men and women evaluate profiles. Unfortunately, the results won’t give you hope that people on online dating apps aren’t superficial, but they show a significant difference in how men and women evaluate profiles.

Knowing how people look at you can be very helpful when writing your profile and choosing which photos to use.

The study, published in Archives of Sexual Behavior, used the latest eye-tracking technology to see what men and women focus on when looking at online dating profiles. The researchers took 20 men and women and recorded their movements with an eye-tracking camera while they viewed online dating profiles.


How do men look at online dating profiles?

Unsurprisingly, the study found that men primarily focus on a woman’s facial attractiveness and spend little time considering her occupation or income level. However, if a woman was unattractive, a man focused on her looks if she had a prestigious job or high earning potential.

“We were surprised to see that men increased their visual attention to nominally unattractive women when their (the women’s) jobs were high-status and high-paying,” Amy Lykins, a lead author of the study and an associate professor in clinical psychology at the University of New England in Maine, told PsyPost. “Normally, uninteresting information (i.e., unattractive faces in this case) wouldn’t attract much attention, but they did appear to attract more attention when the woman also had a good, high-paying job.”

online dating, men and women dating, online datingA couple on a date. via Canva

How do women look at online dating profiles?

The women in the study were much more complex than the men regarding how they looked at dating profiles. Women focused more on a man’s attractiveness after considering his income level and occupation. If a man’s profile showed that he has a lower income or a less prestigious job title, women would focus on his looks a bit longer. “Regardless of how attractive the man was (high or low), women spent more time looking at men’s faces when resources were low than high,” said Amy Lykins

Although the researchers were careful not to draw any conclusions from the results of the study, it appears that women are more generous to men with lower earning potential when they are attractive. The attitude is, “Okay, you don’t have much money, but you’re cute, so maybe we’re a match. Meanwhile, men were more generous towards women who weren't that attractive but had higher-paying jobs. The typical male attitude is, “You’re not as cute as I’d like, but you have a good job, so I guess that’ll work."

online dating, men and women dating, online datingA couple on a date. via Canva

Regarding attractiveness, the study found that both men and women paid a lot more attention to the faces of online daters than their bodies. Eighty-three percent of their time was focused on faces, regardless of whether other body parts were shown.

“We expected this,” Lykins told The Huffington Post. “I’ve found this in other eye-tracking studies I’ve conducted, even where people were barely clothed and/or even nude. People are extremely interested in faces ― even as newborns ― and that’s true for both men and women.”

The study also proved another stereotype about online dating: men are more interested in short-term relationships and women are looking for something more long-term.

The researchers found that the significant difference between how men and women look at online dating profiles is noticeable within a short period. “Within the first 10 seconds of viewing an online profile of a potential relationship partner, we can see differences in the prioritization of different types of information,” Lykins explained.

Depending on how rich or attractive you feel, the findings may be disheartening or make you want to sign up for an online dating app. Regardless, it’s good to know what the opposite sex looks for when you put yourself out there. “The findings have real-world implications for how people may want to create online dating profiles using apps such as Tinder,” Lykins told PsyPost.

Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash

Anyone who's ever been on Tinder knows having a cute animal in the photo is usually a big hit.

But what if Tinder profile photos only featured that cute animal? And what if, instead of a millennial would-be hooker-upper, it was the adorable dog or cat itself looking for true love?

That's an idea some animal shelters are toying with.


"We are always trying to come up with ... creative new ways to get our shelter dogs out in front of potential adopters," says Karen Hirsch, public relations director at LifeLine Animal Project in Georgia.

Animal Profile created by Mark Wales

Photo from Pixabay

And experimenting with online dating for dogs and cats might just be working.

The harsh world of pet adoption is extremely competitive: About 6.5 million dogs and cats enter U.S. shelters every year, each seeking a good forever home. It's too big a need for shelter operators to just sit back and hope they all get adopted.

That's why you see adorable dogs on display outside the grocery store, partnerships with Uber that will bring puppies directly to you for playtime, and aww-inspiring social media campaigns like dogs in pajamas.

An estimated 50 million people worldwide use Tinder. So LifeLine and other shelters and rescues figure why not give it a shot?

After all, people using online dating apps are already looking for love and companionship — just maybe a slightly different kind.

Hirsch says they recently created profiles for 22 of their dogs and cats.

Animal profiles are also showing up on Bumble, which is home to another 20 million users or so.

Like sweet Duke here.

Animal Profile created by Mark Wales

Original photo from Pixabay

Each pet is assigned to a volunteer who creates the profile and handles the conversations after a match

"In a crowded shelter, pets often get overlooked, but on a dating app, the animal becomes an individual," Hirsch says. "People learn about them and form a 'virtual' attachment."

Plus the witty banter is oodles of fun.

For LifeLine, the experiment is still new. But Hirsch says people are responding to it incredibly well so far.

At the very least, Tinder and Bumble have proven to be great for word-of-mouth awareness-building on the importance of adopting shelter pets. The animals are getting dozens of matches. Hirsch says there have been more than a few online adoption inquiries, as well as people coming into the shelter to meet their "match" in person.

She also notes that one of the matches even became a regular volunteer at LifeLine.

Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

This new animal dating idea has another upside for apps — and the people using them, too.

Dating experts are finding that people are getting burned out by online dating. Between "ghosting," "cushioning," "the slow fade," and a bunch more of those annoying slang terms, humans out there are wondering if dating apps are even worth the effort.

For romantic love, who knows?

But now that you might just meet the dog or cat of your dreams, that's not a bad reason to keep on swiping.


This article originally appeared on 01.10.18

The difference between men and women on dating apps is significant.

Dating apps are challenging for the average guy because they can be a big blow to their self-esteem. They can contribute to feelings of anxiety and depression because of the heightened competition on the apps and the pressure to present a perfect image.

A study out of the University of North Texas found that male Tinder users reported lower levels of satisfaction with their faces and bodies and lower levels of self-worth than those who aren't on the dating app.


A big reason is that it’s a lot harder for straight men to find matches on dating apps than straight women. An eye-opening video created by Memeable Data clearly shows why dating apps can be so frustrating for the average guy.

In the video, the narrator explains there are three significant reasons dating apps are so challenging for most men. Although he doesn’t have all the data necessary to make precise claims, the numbers are aligned with those reported by Hinge.

Reason 1: There are more male than female users. On most sites, men outnumber women 2-to-1.

Reason 2: Men give more likes than women. Men are nearly three times as likely to swipe a profile "like" (46%) than women (14%).

Reason 3: A small share of the users get a big percentage of the likes. About half the likes from men are given to about 25% of the women, and half the likes from women are given to only 15% of the men.

This means that out of 100 swipes per user, the average man only gets one like and zero matches.