New mom shares her list of pet peeves and other parents relate
Becoming a new mom is hard. You've got this tiny human depending on you for its survival all while you're healing from bringing them into the world. But the piece that can get to be overwhelming is fielding visitors and their well intentioned unsolicited advice.
You're already feeling a bit underprepared for the undertaking but you've done your research, spoke to professionals and have been in every mom group imaginable.
So if you know nothing else, you know what rules you have around others spending time with your new bundle of joy. Here's the thing though, not everyone respects those rules or your new position as a mom, which means you're constantly defending your boundaries.
One new mom, Tay shared a series of photos through video on TikTok that displayed, "icks" she has as a new mom.
The post has caused some waves with people who are probably feeling a bit guilty of doing the things on the "ick" list. But there are many new parents in the comments nodding their heads hard in agreement.
New mom shares her list of pet peeves and other parents relate
As someone who has been a new parent, I can honestly say that I wish I had the knowledge that I was allowed to tell people "no, thank you" when it came to my new baby. It's amazing that new parents are finding community and courage through social media to set clear boundaries. So what are the new mom "icks" that have gotten people whipped into a tizzy?
New mom shares her list of pet peeves and other parents relate
The icks range from refusing to give the baby back upon request, even if the child is crying to offering unsolicited advice. Tay really lays out multiple scenarios that many new parents are likely familiar with. A big one that I have personal experience with fending off is kissing.
Babies are so dang cute and no matter how small they are, they always have the chubbiest little kissable cheeks so it's easy to see why some people feel like they just have to give them a smooch. But kissing a newborn that isn't yours can be dangerous for the baby and new parents are now more educated on those dangers, option to forbid kisses from everyone but mom and dad.
New mom shares her list of pet peeves and other parents relate
Another "ick" that got lots of attention from commenters was talking to the parent through the new baby in an effort to be passive aggressive. If you've never experienced it before, it's when someone is holding your baby and talking in a sweet baby voice looking lovingly into the baby's eyes while saying something like, "you must be keeping mama busy cause the house is a disaster." Let's all take a moment to roll our eyes.
It seems these complaints are fairly universal for new parents if you take a gander at the comments.
"How do I send this to my MIL without sending it to her," one person asked.
"I feel this. A mom will never forget how she was treated during pregnancy and postpartum. It's when we are most vulnerable," another wrote.
"My mother in law used to body shame me through my infant," one mom confessed.
"I have gotten the 'I have raised 5 kids, I think I know better than you' from my mom so many times since having kids," someone wrote.
No matter who's baby it is, I think its safe to say you should respect the parents boundaries, even if you don't understand them. Watch the entire video here.
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.