upworthy

gentle parenting

A dad has had it with his crying son.

There are as many different parenting styles as there are children. But in 2024, there is a conflict between newer, softer parenting styles and older, tough-love approaches. Softer parenting styles that have come into favor in recent years tend to encourage emotional intelligence, gentle discipline, and open communication.

On the other hand, older, tough-love parenting encourages risk-taking, natural consequences and discipline. One of the most controversial parenting styles that has emerged over the last generation or two is helicopter parenting. In this style, parents closely monitor and control most aspects of the child’s life. While it’s done out of an abundance of concern, it can also limit the child's independence.



A Redditor named NumanLover asked parents to share their parenting strategies that may be considered” bad” by today’s helicopter parents. They received over 1,300 responses. Many resisted the idea that parents should control their children's lives and shared strategies that encouraged independence and perseverance. The “bad” parenting ideas urged parents to let their children grow in confidence by spending time alone and unsupervised.

They also reminded parents that it’s OK to ignore a tantrum, even if it is in a packed restaurant.

Here are 13 of the best answers to: What is considered bad parenting but it's actually good parenting?

1. Giving your kids space

"Giving your kids enough space to fail and then try to figure it out on their own. I see a lot of parents solving their children’s problems without giving them a chance to find their own solution."

"Consequences are the best teachers for some lessons. Barring significant issues, if you don't do your schoolwork or hand it in late you get lower grades. If you show up late to work too many times you may get reamed out by your boss and fired. If you decide to say something careless and cruel you may lose a friendship and the respect of others. Support them through it so they can learn and improve, yes. Shelter them and try to get them out of it, no."

2. Let them be alone

"Leaving your kids alone for age-appropriate periods of time. At some point, kids have to learn to entertain themselves or to be responsible for their own meals, depending on how old they are. Which is why the key part of that statement was 'age-appropriate.' And I suppose it depends on how safe your neighbourhood is, too."

"A lot of parents are too helicopter-y today. I also went where I wanted as a kid as long as I came back when I was supposed to. I think it’s social media getting into parents head with anxieties about what could happen."



3. Give them chores

"Making your kids help with chores from an early age This is just teaching good habits and skills. When I grew up we had a rule in my house. The person who cooks don't have to do dishes. If you didn't set the table and didn't cook. You had to wash dishes. And ironically because of that I became a really good cook because I HATED doing dishes. So I learned how to cook everything."

4. Allow them to experience conflict

"Allowing kids to experience discomfort and situations of conflict and confrontation so they can develop the necessary skills to process and navigate said conflict, and with your guidance before and correction after - learn to compromise when necessary and resolve conflicts effectively."

"Similarly: a lot of parents think it's bad to argue in front of your children. When you argue in front of your kids, you're teaching them that sometimes people disagree on things. When you resolve the argument, you're demonstrating conflict resolution."



5. Encourage risky play

"Letting kids engage in age-appropriate risky play. Trying to protect them from everything is bad parenting. Let them climb, run, jump, dig, throw, etc. They’ll become more specially aware, aware of their body, physically literate, and more active."

6. Let them cry

"Letting them feel emotions helps them learn how to regulate them."

"Teaching them self-soothing skills, a little bit at a time, is also essential. but they do need to learn emotional regulation!"

7. Ignore the tantrum

"As long as they aren’t hurting themselves, someone else, or destroying things, the best thing is to let them tire themselves out. Parents cave in way too often, and it teaches the kid, 'Oh, Mom and Dad will give me this thing I want; I just need to do this long enough,' leading to more and more tantrums. Operant conditioning done inadvertently is difficult to undo."

"The trick is to do the opposite of rewarding the kid throwing the tantrum. Growing up, I behaved well because I quickly learned that if I was acting up in a restaurant, we would leave the restaurant immediately, and we did. It only took a few times of doing that to make it clear there was no upside to throwing a fit, only downsides. That tasty treat you wanted, the chicken nuggets and chocolate milkshake? Nope. You threw a fit; everyone's going home. No nuggs and milkshake for you."



8. Logical consequences

"Refuse to put on your coat to go to the playground? Then either we don’t go to the playground or we go and you get to be cold enough to be miserable while your warm siblings are running around playing."

"Dr. Becky just had a really good episode on her podcast about this. We need to let kids experience the arc of their decisions when it’s safe to do so."

9. Side with the teacher

"Your child is being a little sh*t. Yes, they are 6 years old, and yes, 6 year olds are talkative. But there are 30 other 6-year-olds in the classroom, and if the teacher needs to come to and tell you your child is talkative and being disruptive, do something about it."

10. Prioritize yourself

"For parents, it's actually good to NOT make your kids the highest priority ALL THE TIME - to consciously plan and take the effort and time to prioritize your partner and yourself regularly. A happy, healthy relationship between parents is worth so much more than the occasional bouts of inconvenience/missing the parents/whatever opportunity cost these times have to kids."

"If you're feeling overwhelmed as a parent, it's GOOD to leave the kids to their own devices for an appropriate length of time, maybe even in front of the TV or whatever distracts them, while you take time out to recharge."



11. You aren't your child's friend

"So many people think you need to be friends with your kid, but you're not a friend, you're a parent. Even if your kid hates you, even if you get screamed at, you NEED to teach them the right lessons in life. Cos, guess what, kids won't always love what you say. And what they love is sometimes not what they should love. Being a parent isn't a matter of your child loving you, it's a matter of making sure they're ready for life and praying to any and all gods and demons that may or may not exist that they turn out a decent human being."

12. Keep them offline

"Not letting a small child have an iPad / phone / any access to the internet. This is somehow seen as something really strict / no fun parenting. The parents who don't allow internet are actually great, the internet isn't a nice place for a child to explore."

"I always want to ask 'why' or 'what do you think that’s doing for them?' I’m pretty sure most of these parents just didn’t want children and they just want to offload that time to the tablet and call it a day. There are definitely times when I feel that way too, but it’s just no way to raise a child every day."

13. Spanking your child is wrong

"A bunch of people justifying physically abusing children under the guise of 'discipline'"

"It’s funny because they are objectively wrong. The only thing it does is show you child (by example) that violence is the way to deal with problems."


This article originally appeared in September
complanie/TikTok

TikToker @complanie tells her Korean mom she was laid off, is met with love and encouragement.

Getting laid off is scary and emotional for many reasons. The news of getting laid off usually comes as a shock, and plants seeds of uncertainty and fear.

For TikToker Lanie (@complanie), one of the hardest parts of her recent lay off was delivering the news to her Korean mother. Although Lanie anticipated the call not going well, she was surprised and comforted when she was met with kind and encouraging words from her mom.

"i was SUPER nervous to call my mom/family bc i felt like a disappointment and failure for my lay offs but it went way better than i couldve imagined! sorry for all the snot and ugly crying hehe," she captioned the video.

@complanie

i was SUPER nervous to call my mom/family bc i felt like a disappointment and failure for my lay offs but it went way better than i couldve imagined! sorry for all the snot and ugly crying hehe #laidoff #layoffs #fyp #korean #koreanmom

Lanie begins the video by sharing that she needs to tell her mom that she got laid off, and that "this is not going to be an easy call." She decides to FaceTime her mom, and the two catch up with a few pleasantries in Korean. Although she tries to hold it together, when her mom asks her if there is a specific reason she called, Lanie begins to get emotional. "What's wrong? Why are you crying? Is there a problem? What's going on? Tell mom," her mom says in a concerned tone.

Lanie nods her head and gives herself a moment to find her words. "I really didn't want to tell you this, but today I got laid off from my job," Lanie tells her mom. "I know you're always worrying about how I'm doing and making rent, and I don't want to burden you with more worries. I wasn't going to tell you at first."

Her mom comforts Lanie as she speaks. "No it's okay. You can't not tell me this!" she says, and Lanie replies, "Exactly! You're my mom so I did want to tell you."

@complanie

Replying to @K E L L Y dropping some lore on my umma! @Tomato Japanese Grocery please go support her store 💖🥹 #fyp #korean #japanese #mom #umma

Their conversation continues, and Lanie's mom gives her the most encouraging speech. "Don't cry, you got this! You're going to find another job, don't worry. It's okay, don't cry," she says before asking if she's handled logistics like filing for unemployment. "Mom and dad have never been worried about your future. We know it will all work out for you."

Lanie responds emotionally, "Thank you, I'm so thankful that you said that." And her mom adds, "You're going to find something even better, don't worry."

@complanie

EVERYTHING WILL BE GWENCHANA #fyp #gwenchana #korean

Lanie agrees, saying, "I've been working hard, but I'm going to work even harder now. And I'm going to find my place in this world." Her mom adds, "Everyone deals with something like this at least once in their lives, but it'll make you even stronger. So, don't feel too discouraged. This is an opportunity for better possibilities to come your way. Tell mom if there's anything you need, okay?"

Her mom encourages her to take care of herself. "Catch up on all the sleep you've been missing. I bet the flowers in front of the library have bloomed. Go visit the garden!"

Lanie writes in the video's caption, "Me sobbing bc the kind support is overwhelming to me," as she apologizes to her mom for still feeling like a failure. But her mom isn't having it. "Fighting! I love you and cheer up."

The heartwarming exchange between Lanie and her mom resonated deeply with viewers.

"Sobbing, I was also laid off and your moms words are so encouraging and she is totally right ❤️let’s find something better 🤝✨," one wrote.

Another commented, "The way I teared up with you🥺🥺 she’s right— in this economy, I know SO many people who have been laid off. It’s not a reflection of you, it’s a reflection of our current society! You’ve got this❤️."

And another viewer added, "is she available for other facetimes? Asking for me…"

Parenting

Confused Boomer grandparents don't get 'Bluey.' 15 fans and parents set them straight.

"My mom finally is getting that Bluey is a girl even though 'she’s blue'. So that’s good."

Image via Wikipedia/Canva

Parents explain why Boomer grandparents are not Bluey fans.

Australian kids cartoon show Bluey has found a loyal audience in kids and adults alike. Although Bluey was created for kids ages five to seven, it has connected with Gen Z and Millennial parents (as well as childless adults, young adults, and teens) who claim it has helped them heal their inner child.

But the beloved animated show seems to fall short among one demographic: Boomer grandparents. In a discussion among dads in r/Daddit, one impassioned parent posed the question: "How do other grandparents feel about Bluey?"

He explains his family's dynamic, and how his kids' grandparents seem to not fully 'get it.' "I know bandit is our guiding light and that the show gives our generation everything we felt we lacked in our childhood, but was curious to find it didn’t have the same affect on my parents. One of the kids’ grandmas refuses to acknowledge emotion in the show. During emotional bits she would say things like, 'that’s a nice looking plant'," he writes. "Other grandma watched the first two episodes and thinks the show promotes bad behavior - mostly how mean they are to bandit. Granddads don’t really participate in that kind of 'play' with the kids. How does your older generation feel about the show?"

In response, 15 Bluey fans and parents expressed their funny and relatable thoughts on why the show misses the mark with grandparents.

1. "My mom finally is getting that bluey is a girl even though 'she’s blue'. So that’s good." – guitarguywh89

2. "My mum thought it was ageist because of the kids playing grannies lol." – th3whistler

3. "I often wonder how many of the people who 'don't like Bluey' are just being insecure about how they parent/have parented. I mean, there are probably some people who legit just don’t enjoy it, but I mean c‘mon its like the sweetest show ever." – nolte100

Bluey, blue and bingo, kids show, cartoon, kidsWave Hello GIF by BlueyGiphy

4. "The in-laws who all they ever wanted was grandkids don’t understand Bluey and many of the other shows. They always comment on how kids don’t behave like they used to. Then we have to remind them we would be in jail if we smacked around kids like they used to so it was easy to have kids that abide. Teaching versus being scared is much tougher. I take it, it is their insecurity that they don’t follow Bluey and Daniel Tiger, and particularly my MIL takes it as disrespecting how they did things. We just remind them the world has changed and what they wanted in the end was for their kids to be better off than they were. Isn’t that goal of everything, be it monetarily, physically, mentally, and especially in their health." – We-Going-Sizzler

5. "I love bluey and I try to emulate bandit as much as possible. My boomer parents have literally said that they don’t understand the show. They are completely out of touch. Gentle parenting is not even on their radar. It actually makes sense tho. Kinda sad." – peaceloveandapostacy

6. "Yeahhh my parents were just scratching their heads over 'Duck Cake.' Like the hyper authoritarian 'ohhh she’d be cleaning up her mess in THIS house! Hurr durr' like they did not get that the point is to make your kids understand that it is inherently good to help others (and makes us feel good too!). Nope! Not enough discipline. Explains a lot about them, actually." – Altruistic-Ratio6690

Bluey, Bandit, life lessons, parenting, kids showFathers Day Hug GIF by BlueyGiphy

7. "My parents are from the former Soviet Union. They think all children's programming is hot garbage if its not old school Russian cartoons from 80's or older. Only exception is Masha and the Bear. As others have said, they are not the demographic and luckily for our kiddos, we like the show, so that's all that matters." – St33lB3rz3rk3r

8. "My dad really struggled with the play bits. We watched the first episode with him (with the xylophone) and he just couldn’t parse that the xylophone wasnt magic and that it was all make believe. I think he just couldn’t wrap his head around a kids show that was just about kids playing and not something more fantastical. Which makes sense when compared to the 80s/90s cartoons we watched. That said if his little princesses like it he’s in lol." – DeliriousPrecarious

9. "A lot of the older generation got warped on harsh discipline and my way of the highway nonsense. The show may not translate for them, but they’re not the demographic." – AsItIs


Bluey, Blue balloon, parade, parents, kids, popular showMacys Parade Bluey GIF by The 96th Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Giphy

10. "In a way, the show is actually a bit of an indictment on their way of parenting. Since, ya know, it models opposite behavior." – defnotajournalist

11. "My wife's mother feels that the show promotes 'cheekiness'? She's apparently not a fan." – Belerophon17

12. "Grandma doesn't like it because 'the kids are too sassy, do you want your daughter to sass you like that?' Yes, Mom, I do. Grandpa doesn't like it because he thinks it's 'sexist against men'. Ok boomer." – stravadarius


Bluey, blue kids, play, kids show, cartoon, parenting Scared Oh No GIF by Bluey Giphy

13. "Sounds like the grandparents are pretty much making the point. The boomers left a lot to be desired as parents, stewards of the world, and now as elder statespeople. Let's do better. I know Bandit would." – PhishGreenLantern

14. "I think it's less to do with bluey and more to do with the older generations inability to process their emotions in a healthy way." – SerentityM3ow

15. "[lurking mom] Caught my father in law teary eyed after watching an episode with my nephew. Bluey is doing great work healing multigenerational trauma!" – Dull_Title_3902


“I don’t even know my plan! Do you know your plan?!”

Gentle parenting has been the anxious millennial antidote to the trauma caused by their boomer parent’s not-so-gentle approach to raising kids. This new wave of parents have become determined to not let history repeat itself, to usher in a kinder, more emotionally secure, more confident generation of humans.

And while that intention is certainly admirable, perhaps we millennials, with all our self-deprecating humor, can also laugh at ourselves a bit with just how gentle we strive to be.

gentle parenting, parenting, parenting advice, Boomers, Gen X, Millennials, parenting hacksA grown woman and her motherImage via Canva

A fun, tongue-in-cheek and instantly viral video created by 37-year-old mom of two Taylor Wolfe can help with that.

The clip, which racked up 5.8 million views in less than 24 hours, shows Taylor trying to teach her boomer mother Sandy Wolfe all the ins-and-outs of gentle parenting so that she may use these more compassionate tactics on her grandkids.

@thedailytay

GENTLE HANDS. 🙃🫶🏻🤭❤️ #fyp #millennialsoftiktok #momsoftiktok #gentleparenting #parentsoftiktok #foryoupag #comedyvideo


Let’s just say, many found her failed attempt completely relatable, not to mention hilarious.

Sandy’s well intentioned “Be careful!” to her granddaughter gets met with Taylor saying, “We don’t say ‘Be careful!’ anymore. Instead say, ‘What’s your plan here?’”

“I don’t even know my plan! Do you know your plan?!” Sandy retorts.

Cut to: Sandy says “Stop. Don’t hit your sister.” Suddenly Taylor pops up from behind a corner to instruct: “Don’t say, ‘Stop,’ say, ‘Gentle.’”

“‘Gentle’…what?” asks a confused Sandy.

“‘Gentle hands,’” quips Taylor, adding. “‘Gentle’ everything.”

gentle parenting, parenting advice, parenting, parenting hacks, Boomers, Gen X, Millennials, mothers, daughtersAn adult woman and her older motherImage via Canva

Sandy can’t even catch a break when she says “I’m so proud of you.” because, as Taylor explains, “you’re not supposed to tell kids you’re proud of them anymore. That’s putting the focus on you.”

Then a classic comedy of errors ensues as Taylor advises Sandy to say “you should be so proud” and Sandy replies “I AM so proud!”

Viewers could help but laugh at their own perhaps overzealous attempts to bring gentle parenting into their life.

“I tried to gentle parent this morning but it turned into ‘OMG GET YOUR FORKING SHOES ON,”” one person wrote, while another added, “I always started with the Mary Poppins approach but sometimes you need to elevate to Judge Judy.”

Others felt like this perfectly depicted how gentle parenting sometimes misses the mark.

“I’m feeling anxious after observing gentle parenting,” one person wrote.

Another simply said, “I stand with grandma.”

This isn’t the first time Taylor and Sandy have given us a good chuckle comparing their different parenting styles. Here’s another funny video from August of 2023 where Taylor is flabbergasted to hear how her mother managed without Google:

Listen, gentle parenting is great for providing parents more mindful, less reactive responses to their kids, which can do wonders for everybody. But there’s also something to be said for not getting so wound up in the minutia of every parent-child interaction, thinking anything and everything could be threatening to a child’s development. As with anything, balance—and a sense of humor—is always key.

Follow along on more of Taylor’s fun and relatable content on TikTok.

This article originally appeared last year.