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red flags


Therapist lists 'green flags' women look for when visiting a potential partner's home

There's something about a guy who isn't afraid of period products.

Therapist lists 'green flags' to look for when visiting date's home

When looking for a potential mate people often talk about the different types of "flags" that can be present. Generally, red flags mean you should stop or proceed with caution while watching for other red flags, while green flags are a sign of positive things. Jeff Guenther, LPC goes by the name of TherapyJeff on social media.

The therapist recently asked the women in his audience about "automatic green flags" they look for when visiting a man's apartment for the first time. They do not disappoint. Guenther takes the top 12 answers and compiles them into a list to help out his fellow guys who may be struggling.

Seemingly predicting that some men may swipe away, he informs them that these are changes they can make before the day is over. The list is quite simple and may encourage people to attempt to have at least one of them available in their home before their next date.

Coming in with something that seems unassuming, Guenther says guys should install a bidet.

"12, a bidet. Buy one online and hook it up to your toilet, ladies love it but it will also change your life forever. Trust me," the therapist says.

The list includes other simple things like a throw blanket on your couch, a hairless bathroom counter, and sheets that are any other color outside of black or navy. Judging by the comment section, women are not only appreciative of Guenther taking the time to compile a list but they're also adding additional green flags.

Would you add anything to the list? Check it out:


Green flags women look for when entering a guy’s place for the first time. #mentalhealth #therapy #relationshiptips #datingadvice #dating #greenflags

"BAR SOOO. LOW. If one of my female friends couldn't check all of these boxes I would question their sanity. But collectively most sis[sic] hetero dudes have kept the bar so low that these are green flags," one woman complains.

"This list is fascinating (omg why is there never a trash can in the bathroom!!)," another woman says.

"It's a green flag for me when they have like, any sort of personal items on display. Like cards, framed pictures, decorations or gifts, souvenirs, etc...reminders of good times/friends/family," someone writes.

"A book clearly in the process of reading (either real or ebook). Library card in a visible place–GOLD flag," another person shares.

Several men in the comments are excitedly expressing that they didn't know they were already giving off all these green flags based on the list. Some talk about being passionate cat dads while at least one man was anxiously awaiting Godzilla figurines to make the list. Overall it seems that nearly everyone in the comments was appreciative of the list and who knows, maybe he'll do one for green flags guys should look out for.

Man interviewed by Meet Cutes NYC is a walking green flag

When dating someone we are often told to look for red flags that help us know that this person may not be the best partner. Recently, there's been a push to start looking for green flags, which are signs that the person you're dating will make a good partner. Green flags can be really subtle things and in a recent interview on the Meet Cutes NYC account on TikTok, one guy shows so many green flags he's got people questioning if they're on the wrong dating app.

Meet Cutes NYC uploads videos of them stopping random people who appear to be couples and ask them if they are indeed dating. Joaquim and Tara happen to be the lucky couple to get stopped for an interview and immediately Joaquim emits green flag energy according to TikTokker Jordan_the_Stallion8.

"Firstly, he was doing the sidewalk rule by where you'r supposed to walk on the outside part of the sidewalk that's facing the street while your partner walks on the inside part. Secondly, as they're walking and someone approaches them, immediately he gets protective, he gets defensive," Jordan says. "He was defesive until they were asked a question about how they first met and then the excitement that he had because he had the opportunity to talk about his partner."

People in the comments of the original video were also gushing over Joaquim's reaction and responses. When the couple mentions they met on Hinge, a popular dating app, people started to wonder what Hinge the couple were talking about. Some even going as far as to demand that the app use them in their marketing campaigns.

"Dude went from aggressive to lover boy," someone writes.

"He was so New York in the beginning and then turned to a puppy talking about his love, protect that man," another says.

"This man, is THE man. Sidewalk rule, protective until threats assessed, and proudly in love. King," one commenter recognizes.

"Am I on a different Hinge or what," someone jokes.

"Hinge marketing team better do something with this for real," a commenter declares.


Love’s Refreshing #meetcute #hingepartner #hinge #howcouplesmeet #love #nyc #streetinterview #foryou #foryoupage #fyp

It's beyond clear that Joaquim loves Tara even telling the interviewer, "I have no idea how I lived all these years without her." The couple seem extremely supportive and proud of each other and now they've got an entire internet community rooting for their continued success.

Canva, @alyssacardib/TikTok

Alyssa Caribardi says the 'bird test' can be uses for romantic and platonic relationships

Even with all the fancy apps and preference based algorithms, dating isn’t always easy. It’s a challenge to find true and lasting compatibility, and to know whether a person truly has your best interests at heart, or is simply on their best behavior.

But, people find their ways to navigate romance, nonetheless. Be it through a series of simple questions or hard-and-fast red flags, there are some modern-day strategies that can be used to filter out true potential partners.

The “Bird Test” is one of those strategies.

Though TikTokker Alyssa Caribardi doesn’t claim to have created the bird test, it’s something she “lives and dies by,” and she’s happy to give folks the rundown on what it is.

According to Caribardi, the bird test goes a little something like this: if you're out and about with someone, and notice a bird, then point it out with enthusiasm, notice how the other person responds. If they mirror your “genuine curiosity” for this seemingly insignificant thing, “that’s a really good sign” the relationship will last a long time.

'"It never fails," Caribardi claims, adding that while this is primarily used for screening romantic relationships, it can be used for platonic ones as well, sharing that a woman who matched her excitement for a woodpecker outside a Starbucks became a close friend.

Watch below. Note that this video contains some curse words.


Bird test

♬ original sound - Lyss Lyss

As many viewers were quick to note, the bird test echoes what psychologist and renowned relationship expert John Gottman calls “bids for connection.”

Gottman says that bids for connections can be verbal or non verbal, and take on myriad tones, but all share the common goal of expressing “connect with me please!” to a partner. Everything from a playful wink to asking how a work meeting went would fall under this category.

Gottman also explains that repeated rejection of bids for connection spell disaster for relationships.

“When our partner denies our bids, we internalize the experience. Our brains subconsciously keep track of how many bids are accepted or rejected by our partners. When our partner constantly turns away or against our bids, we begin to feel frustrated. We are more inclined to criticize our partners, which pushes them to be defensive and may result in an argument,” he says, even going so far as to say that couples more often break up because of denied bids for connections than big fights or infidelity.

So, call it a bird test or a bid, the messaging remains the same, regardless of semantics. Relationships thrive when partners pay attention to each other’s interests, and turn towards those interests with the intention to create an emotional bond. Perhaps this is even more important than naturally shared passions.

In other words: if someone isn’t able to light up at seeing a woodpecker outside a Starbucks in the same way you do, maybe they’re not meant for you.

"Who me?" A woman asks if she is selfish.

In 1997, Oprah Winfrey spoke with Maya Angelou for an “Oprah’s Lifeclass” episode, and she revealed one of the most important lessons the “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings” author had taught her: “When people show you who they are, believe them.”

“When a person says to you, ‘I’m selfish,’ or ‘I’m mean,’ or ‘I am unkind,’ believe them,” Oprah says in the clip. “They know themselves much better than you do.”

Oprah recounted the life advice while discussing a relationship with a man she felt had let her down. “[Dr. Angelou] was saying to me, ‘Why are you blaming the other person? He showed you who he was,'" Oprah recalled.

Angelou’s simple advice is a great way to detect potential red flags, whether someone has a new romantic partner, coworker or friend. It’s especially helpful when we’re unsure of how to judge someone or in denial about their questionable behavior.

A Reddit user with the username Potatoe_stealer asked the online forum, “What is a telltale sign that someone is a selfish person?” and the question received over 7,000 responses. Many of them explained how selfish people often disregard others in conversations or downplay the seriousness of their problems.

This is a great way to determine if someone will be selfish when a conversation turns into action. According to this group of Reddit users, if someone is cutting you off when you speak, they may not be there for you when things get rough.

Here are 19 of the best responses to the question: "What is a telltale sign that someone is a selfish person?"


"They feel no remorse for how they’ve hurt others." — avidhiker96150


"Doesn’t think they’re wrong in the slightest bit. They can’t shoulder any bit of responsibility." — No_Key_6276


"They don't remember the times people helped them, but remember clearly all the times they have helped others." — GoodMerlinpeen


"They respond how worse their situation is when you’re sharing your problems with them. No try for help or listening, just trying to draw attention on their side." — seyfgs


"They gladly take any favours you do for them, but when asked if they could reciprocate once, they get defensive and or aggressive and act like you're the selfish one for daring to expect something in return.It doesn’t make you a bad person to expect reciprocation in a relationship with someone else, romantic or platonic. Relationships are give and take and that makes them healthy. It's not entitlement to expect kindness if you give kindness. If you're the only one giving, you're being taken advantage of." — random-sh**-writing


"Every bad thing you do to them is drama-worthy. Every bad thing they do to you are details and should be moved on from, and why can't you just do that? You're so dramatic!" — Pasdusername


"If you are in a group and there is one person that is constantly interrupting the middle of what you or anyone else is saying generally to brag about themselves with a 'one-upper' story, is generally a precursor to stop associating with them. I've met too many of them in my days and they are more often than not happy to throw you under the bus whenever the opportunity arises." —Philay_shio


"If they always talk about themselves." —Effective-Craft-1173


"They have that superpower to lead everything back to themselves. Even when you're actually talking about your own life or a specific problem of yours, they somehow make it that you start talking about them instead without even changing the topic." — Anskin12


"They have that superpower to lead everything back to themselves. Even when you're actually talking about your own life or a specific problem of yours, they somehow make it that you start talking about them instead without even changing the topic." — AnnaVonKleve


"Cliche answer but I have found the 'return the shopping cart' test to be pretty accurate. It is such a small thing, but it does tell you if a person thinks small things like that matter." — LeeroyTC


"They're rude to waitstaff or just staff and employees in general. Or if their situational awareness is severely lacking and they don't seem to have a problem with it." — SpeedBlitzX


"Trauma dumping and then not reciprocating if someone else had a bad day/felt comfortable enough to open up to them." — PessimistThePillager


"People who have kids on purpose, and then act like their kids owe them (well above and beyond basic kindness and human respect) for the rest of their lives." — femmetastic


"Poor listener." — Pristine-Practice-51


"When they monologue at you. Every conversation is just them performing and everyone else is just part of the audience." — blocky_jabberwocky


"People who always talk about money or the grind. Usually, they will sell you out in a heartbeat or take advantage of others for money which is pretty selfish." — stonebutts