upworthy

red flags

Culture

Philosophy expert shares the 'simple but profound rule' to tell if someone is a good or bad person

It comes down to a specific type of kindness.

via Canva/Photos and G.Meiners/Wikimedia Commons

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe and a scene at a restaurant.

Have you ever met somebody new and wondered if they were a good person with a mischievous streak or a bad person who can turn on the charm and behave occasionally? Determining someone’s true moral character is important, especially if you start dating them or have a business relationship. It is crucial to get to the core of who they are and know whether they can be trusted.

Popular TikTok philosopher and Substack writer Juan de Medeiros recently shared a great way to determine whether someone is good or bad. His rubric for judging someone’s moral character comes from a quote commonly attributed to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, a German poet, playwright, novelist, and intellectual known for works like Faust and The Sorrows of Young Werther.

How can you tell if someone is a good or a bad person?

“Here's a pretty good indicator that somebody is a bad person and vice versa, how you can spot a good one. And this goes back to a simple rule, a moral aphorism by Goethe in which he writes, ‘Never trust someone who is unkind to those who can do nothing for him,’” de Medeiros shared in a TikTok video with over 45,000 views.

“Never trust someone who is unkind to those who can do nothing for him.” —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

@julianphilosophy

Good vs. bad #good #bad #wisdom

De Medeiros then provided real-world ways to determine whether the person you have questions about is good or bad. “A bad person is unfriendly to strangers, to the elderly, to children, to service staff, to anybody they're not trying to impress,” he said. At the same time, the good person treats people equally, no matter what they can do for him. They’re good for goodness sake, not to get anything out of it.

“A good person carries grace within them and shares it freely with abundance. A good person treats other people as they would like to be treated as well. And it doesn't matter who you are, it doesn't matter what your status is, they will treat you and see you as their equal,” de Medeiros said.

What is 'The Waiter Rule'?

Goethe’s quote echoes the common red/green flag test that many people have on dates. Sure, it's important if your date is courteous and treats you well on the date, but you really want to watch how they interact with the server. The rule is often called “The Waiter Rule,” outlined by William Swanson. Swanson, the former chairman and CEO of Raytheon Company, wrote in his book, 33 Unwritten Rules of Management, "A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter—or to others—is not a nice person." Boxer Muhammad Ali is also known for saying something similar: "I don't trust anyone who's nice to me but rude to the waiter. Because they would treat me the same way if I were in that position."

Rudeness toward the waitstaff also indicates that the person isn’t very smart. It’s not wise to be rude to someone who is in charge of your meal for the night.

Conversely, a good person is kind to others without looking for anything in return because they want to spread joy and believe that others deserve respect. You are what you do, not what you think or believe, and when someone treats others with goodness, it's a clear indicator of the type of person they are.

In the end, we are all a mixed bag of behaviors and attitudes, and even the most perfect of us has a devil on their shoulder telling them that it’s okay to occasionally get into a bit of mischief. However, when it comes down to determining someone's core character, how they treat those who can do nothing for them says everything.

This article originally appeared in April.

From Your Site Articles
philosophy
CultureJoy
Humor

Man breaks down 50 Cent's '21 Questions' to reveal 21 red flags and people can't stop laughing

"Idk 50 that's a pretty big ask."

Photo credit: Keith Hinkle|Wikimedia and Photo credit: Canva

Man breaks down 50 Cent's '21 Questions revealing 21 red flags

Have you ever actually listened to the lyrics of some of your favorite club hits? Not the songs you can recite by heart because they're constantly in your playlist rotation, but the ones you were dropping it like it was hot to in your early 20s before your knees started to sound like someone poured milk on Rice Krispies.

Yeah, those songs. The ones you know the chorus to but you only really heard them played in the club or on the radio weekend mix on your way to said club. Well someone decided they were going to have another listen to 50 Cent's "21 Questions" and it left him with a list of questions of his own. Andrew, who goes by Andrew the Hedgehog on social media surmised that the rappers song should've been named "21 Red Flags" given the question 50 was asking.

"Am I the only one who thinks that 50 Cent was being pretty unreasonable on '21 Questions?,'" Andrew starts to explain. "Like it starts off innocent enough, 'if I fell off tomorrow would you still love me? If I didn't smell so good would you still hug me?' You know, like cute valid questions about whether she just likes him for his fame and his nice cologne or she's really in it for the long haul."

50 cent laughing GIFGiphy

That's when Andrew notes that it starts taking a pretty drastic turn that has him questioning what exactly the famous rapper is trying to get his love interest to commit to. The line where 50 Cent asks if he got sentenced to a quarter century if his girlfriend would still stick around is where Andrew pauses for reflection.

"Like, I don't know 50 that's a pretty big ask. If you get convicted by a jury of your peers of a crime that carries a 25 year sentence, you must've done something pretty heinous. Like, the worst of the worst white collar crimes get like 10 years," Andrew surmises before adding that in order to receive such a long sentence someone would've had to commit a violent assault or possibly manslaughter.

50 Cent Smh GIFGiphy

Honestly, he's got a really good point. Now we all have questions, Mr. Cent, why exactly are you going to jail for a quarter of a century? That's a long time to ask someone to hold out hope for reunification without knowing the details. But Andrew wasn't done with his own set of questions for the hit-maker.

There's a line in the song where 50 Cent asks if he went from driving a Mercedes to a hoopty if the girl would still stay with him. Andrew raised some financial concerns that might constitute a reason for someone to leave over the vehicle downgrade.

@andrewthehedgehog69

The song should’ve been called 21 red flags. Run for the hills this man is toxic #21questions #50cent #fyp #oldschoolhiphop #2000sthrowback #2000smusic #hiphop #00smusic #nostalgia #musicreview #jenshah

"If you drove a Mercedes Benz and had to return to driving a hoopty, you didn't just fall off, you were extremely irresponsible with your money over a period of time. Which again, I think is a very valid deal breaker. Like, my wife doesn't even drive a hoopty. She makes a teacher's salary, she can still afford a Volkswagen Tiguan. I mean, like 50 Cent be more responsible with your finances, this is ridiculous," the man says.

Andrew's randomly concerned video about a song older than most Gen Zers has other people agreeing with his cautious analysis of the fictional relationship. One person demanded that Andrew make his own version of the song, writing "Now you need to make a remix, 21 reasonable questions."

50 Cent GIFGiphy

Another says, "This relationship sounds draining."

Someone thought it was a good idea to remind Andrew about 50 Cent's propensity to hold grudges, saying, "Sir 50 cent holds the craziest grudges and you felt confident enough to dissect his lyrics from the early 2000’s???"

One person writes, "I agree with you sir… 21 Red flags 🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩Run ladies!"

"13 year old me sung that song at the top of my lungs to my crush. 34 year old me realizing that song is the epitome of toxic relationships. 😂" someone else shares and they just may have a point.

Who knows if the actual 50 Cent will ever see this logical adult breakdown of his early 2000s hit. But if he doesn't, Andrew has made us all take a step back to evaluate the song that's embedded into the soundtrack of the lives of Millennials and we're all better for it.

From Your Site Articles
50 cent
HumorJoy
Health

People rally behind man who walked out on his first date after getting yelled at

"Just because you can handle something doesn't mean you have to."

@solodolobcyolo/TikTok

A man recalls leaving a first date after getting yelled at.

When going out on a first date, we generally try to give people the benefit of the doubt. However, it can be pretty clear early on when someone just isn’t a right fit. At that point, do we continue on with said date, or do we let politeness be damned and move on with our lives then and there?

For an artist who goes by the name of Solo Dolo, the choice was a no-brainer.

Solo, who regularly posts content about relationships, recalled a recent brunch date he had been on, with a person who asked him to describe his "ideal partner.”

"In my experience, I think people try to fit the mold of what I'm looking for and make themselves seem ideal, and that has led to toxic relationships or just discomfort,” he said in the video. So his response to them was, “I'm looking for someone who is happy with who they are. If it works, it works. If not, that's okay."

@solodolobcyolo

Like I’ll just go. Doesn’t matter who. Doesn’t matter when. If you’re doin this, I’m gunna let you do it by yourself lol

That, apparently, was reason enough for his date to slam the table with their fist and exclaim “NOT EVERYONE IS MANIPULATIVE.”

Immediately, Solo knew this date (and the potential relationship) was “not gonna be effective,” because “if that’s the way you’re gonna express yourself as an adult, in public, nothing good is about to happen.” So once the “tantrum” was over, he politely told his date that he would be leaving. This was all before he was able to order a cup of coffee.

In an interview with PEOPLE, Solo shared that his video was not meant to be mean-spirited, but rather encourage others to act when they see red flags.

"I made the TikTok video not to judge that person but more so to say if you're ever in a situation that you're not comfortable in, just remember you don't have to be there. You just don't. Just because you can handle something doesn't mean you have to, like life is too short. You don't have to be there if you don't want to be," he said.

@solodolobcyolo

I think im realizing that there are more people who are kinda disorganized and reactive than those who are organized and proactive (like me lol)

Viewers unanimously agreed that Solo did in fact make the right decision, and were on board with his stance overall.

“Normalize leaving at the first sign of a red flag,” one person wrote.

Another said, “If they’re yelling at you in a restaurant on a first date, imagine what a nightmare they are in private after a few years when the real conflict arises."

There are plenty of scenarios in which a meh, or even bad date can turn into a worthy romance. But on the flipside, as in this case, when there is a clear, distinctive omen that something’s not right, people have every right to maintain their wellbeing…even if that means removing themselves from a situation entirely. Let’s not keep ourselves stuck in something that doesn’t serve us.

bad first dates, red flags, dating, bumble, hinge, tinder"Living a peaceful life, ironically, is really hard."Photo credit: Canva

As Solo told PEOPLE,, "My favorite thing to say right now is, 'Living a peaceful life, ironically, is really hard.'…It's so intentional. Every day, every moment you're challenged, you have to choose peace. It's really hard."

From Your Site Articles
relationships
HealthMental Health
Health

Philosopher shares the subtle giveaway that someone is 'not very smart'

When you see this trait, it's time to rethink your relationship.

via Canva/Photos

A man pointing at someone.

Individuals and groups have used scapegoating to blame their problems on others since the term was first coined in The Old Testament and probably long before. We see it all the time in politics, where leaders blame specific groups or ideologies for their country’s failures. We also see it in personal relationships where families blame one person for everyone’s problems or workplaces make an employee the fall guy for a failed project.

In a viral TikTok video, philosopher Julian de Medeiros explains why scapegoating is a sign that someone is unintelligent. He begins by quoting one of the most powerful British union leaders in the first half of the 20th century, Ernest Bevin, who once said: “An unintelligent person is always looking for a scapegoat.”

What's a sign that someone is unintelligent?

“What he meant is that a sign that somebody is not very intelligent is that they always have to blame their problems on other people. Like, it's never something they've done; it's always somebody else's fault,” de Medeiros says in a video with over 230,000 views. “They can avoid accountability; they can avoid introspection and self-reflection, which means that they can avoid growth because it's always somebody else's fault. A smart person is introspective, self-critical, and wants to grow, but an unintelligent person blames other people.”

@julianphilosophy

Intelligent vs. unintelligent #quotes #life #intelligent #wisdom


It can be hard to come to grips with our failures in life, whether they are financial problems, relationship issues or fear of losing control. “There are things that we cannot bear to see about ourselves. ‘I really don’t want to be seen as vulnerable or stupid or weak or greedy,’” Deborah Stewart, a Jungian psychoanalyst, told The Washington Post. “I don’t have to deal with myself if I scapegoat if I blame. That’s the part that most people don’t really know — that they are trying to expel some of their very own feelings by putting them on others.”

People and groups that are made into scapegoats can be put into incredible danger or subject to public disgrace, whether it is the Jewish people during the Holocaust or Anne Boleyn during the reign of King Henry VIII, or Yoko Ono for the breakup of The Beatles.

The big problem with scapegoating.

Those who scapegoat others for their failures can be seen as unintelligent because they refuse to take responsibility for their actions or even recognize where they may have been wrong. When people point their fingers at others, they also ensure that they never learn from their problems and are bound to repeat them. Intelligent people have a growth mindset, and scapegoating is the exact opposite.

Further, when societies refuse to look at the real causes of their problems and instead blame them on scapegoats, they will fail to progress. However, it’s very easy for leaders to fall into the scapegoat trap because it prevents them from being responsible and appears to solve problems when they are actually taking the easy way out.

Ultimately, it comes down to a core question: do you want to deflect blame for your problems by scapegoating someone else, or do you want to accept responsibility and grow from your difficulties? Ironically, those who scapegoat may think it makes their lives easier. However, living a life making the same mistakes repeatedly is a lot harder than accepting responsibility.

From Your Site Articles
intelligence
HealthWellness
Trending Stories