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An education for the guys I overheard talking about their 'teacher friend.'

If you think teaching is easy, you're wrong.

Dear guys on the train,

I must apologize for starters. It’s all my fault. I was eavesdropping. I tend to do that on the Red Line. Unlike most folks who keep their earbuds in and their music up loud, I don’t want to miss anything. I’m a chronic people-watcher. And lately, I’ve found that paying attention can be a ministry in itself. So, that’s really all I was trying to do.

Anyway, enough about me. Let’s talk about you guys.

Image via iStock.

I heard you, the one with your tie loosened and wearing a Rolex, talking to your other friend in the nice suit. Talking about your other friend Josh.

Your conversation went a little something like this:

“Dude, he never goes out anymore. Ever. He’s like a hermit.”

“I know, bro. He acts like he’s so busy. He teaches f**king third grade. His day ends at, like, 3, haha.”

“God, I wish he knew what it was like in the real world for a day. He thinks his job is so hard.”

*Awkwardly long laughter*

“Yeah, and he’s been a cheapskate ever since we left Ann Arbor.”

“Seriously. Try living with him. But he can’t expect to make as much as we do when we work our asses off year-round. It’s only October and, I mean, he’s got fall break coming up and he’ll be off for Thanksgiving and he gets several weeks off at Christmas time, yet he thinks he’s got it rough.”

“If only he knew…”

“Ha.” *Checks phone* “Wanna grab a beer? Taylor just texted me and said they’re going out.”

“Hell yeah, man. I’m down.”

Then you guys got off at the stop before mine and left me thinking. The more I thought about it and replayed your conversation in my mind, I knew I had to write you.

Image via iStock.

I don’t know your other friend Josh, but he’s clearly not as cool as you guys, going out on a Wednesday night at 10 for beers with Taylor.

From what I gathered, you guys are sick of your teacher friend. You’re annoyed at how frugal he is, how early he goes to sleep, and how much time off he gets.

The thing is, I wanted to speak up so badly, but I suppressed my inner thoughts, which were bursting at the seams, and withheld from butting into your conversation.

Until now.

You see, I wanted to inform you I was a public school teacher for several years. I taught high school, sixth grade, and first grade. I resigned after this past school year ended because I couldn’t take it anymore. I wasn’t cut out for it.

I wanted to ask you if you’ve ever had to run on a treadmill for eight hours straight on a speed that’s just a tad too fast. That's the only way I could describe the physical exhaustion of being a teacher.

I wanted to correct your assumption that Josh’s workday ends at 3 p.m.

As a former teacher, I can’t help but offer you a mini-lesson: Teachers arrive before school begins and stay long after it ends. They spend countless hours in the evenings, on weekends, and especially during their “long breaks” completing lesson plans, grading assignments, filling out behavior charts, calling parents, scheduling meetings, updating individualized education programs, preparing for standardized tests, writing out goals, changing the theme on the bulletin board, buying supplies for a science experiment (in an effort to make learning fun in hopes that the kids will love it), coaching sports, tutoring, entering grades, cleaning the classroom, filing paperwork, communicating with necessary colleagues about specific student needs, etc. I guess it’s not a mini-lesson after all. Oops.

Image via iStock.

I wanted to challenge you to work all day without using the restroom once, to eat your brown-bagged lunch in less than seven minutes, and to stay patient when you have 20-something students in desperate need for your attention and you just want to reply to an email.

I wanted to break it down for you so you could better understand why Josh is frugal — why, aside from being utterly exhausted, he doesn’t go out as much anymore. For pennies each hour per student, he’s busting his butt to ensure they are not only educated but taught to be kind and courageous, and are safe and loved.

I wanted to reminisce on my time in the classroom and share with you about the students whose home lives kept me up at night and the emotional toll this took on me and my marriage.

I wanted to make you ponder the differences between your jobs and his, but I’m afraid we would’ve run out of time. I’ll just throw this one out there: You can probably get away with being tired (or even hungover), whereas Josh has to be on from the minute those kids arrive in the morning.

I wanted to tell you that, in case you weren’t aware, teachers don’t fill out expense reports at the end of each week. It all comes out of their pocket. And only a guy like Josh would be cool enough to sacrifice a beer in order to buy scissors for his third-graders.

Image via iStock.

I wanted to give you a hundred ideas for how you could be supportive of Josh and the selfless job he’s chosen.

I wanted to acknowledge your jobs are probably hard, too, but gently remind you that you’re probably at least respected and compensated. Teachers can’t earn bonuses or raises. The incentive to be the best boils down to the heart and a strong dose of integrity.

Look, I know I don't know you. And I can't possibly know the whole context of your conversation. But I used to be a teacher, and I know how your friend Josh might be feeling. I know what it's like to have friends who don't get that feeling. I couldn't say these things to them at the time, but hearing your conversation reminded me of the things I wish I had.

I wanted to let you know I now work in “the real world” and it’s only reaffirmed my once-biased belief that teachers have one of the hardest, most important, undervalued, and underpaid jobs in the world.

Sincerely,

The ex-teacher on the train (and an advocate for all the Joshes in this world)

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Joy

American orders Olive Garden-style chicken parm in Italy and the waiter's response is perfect

He looks so confused.

via Drburtoni/Flickr and Boxer_Bob/Flickr

A waiter talking with his hands.

One of the great things about America is that we have a relatively young culture, so many of the foods that we eat were brought over from other countries. That makes America a great place to try out all the different types of food from around the world.

However, we also like to put our own stamp on staples from around the globe that give the American version its own unique flair. Some foods that we claim originated overseas were actually first made right here in the U.S. of A. For example, chimichangas, which can be found in many Mexican restaurants, actually originated in the state of Arizona. Crab Rangoon, a popular “Chinese” dish, was actually invented in San Francisco, and spaghetti and meatballs were never a thing in Italy.

TikTok creator Gabby Donahue posted a video that’s the perfect example of how some ethnic foods get remixed once they become popular in the States. In a video with over 7 million views, her father shows a waiter in Italy a photo of chicken parmesan from Olive Garden so he can order it at the restaurant. The waiter's reaction is an excellent example of someone trying to be polite while he cannot believe what he is seeing.

“My Boston Irish father trying to order a Google image of the Olive Garden chicken parm in Italy,” Donahue wrote in the text overlay.

@gabbydonahuee

@Olive Garden ‘s biggest fan 😭😭😭😭 #italy #cultureshock #chickenparm #olivegarden


When the father showed the picture to the waiter, he seemed a bit confused about the image. “Only in the States,” he said. “It doesn’t exist in Italy.” The father couldn’t believe what he was hearing: “It doesn’t exist in Italy?”

“I don’t know what it is…on the pasta?” the waiter said, trying to make sense of the chicken breast smothered in cheese and sauce. The waiter gave his final verdict while holding his chin: “No. That’s horrible.”

“Horrible? Wow. Look at that. That doesn’t,” the father laughed. “That looks good… but,” the waiter shrugged off the father. “It does look good,” the father continued. “It tastes good. I’ll tell you what, I’m gonna mail you some. I’ll send it to you.”

“Okay? Olive Garden chicken, I’m gonna search,” the waiter said, walking away from the table.


The commenters had a field day analyzing the waiter’s body language. “‘No, that looks good’ while looking completely disgusted was the most Italian reaction ever,” one commenter wrote. “Bro remembered halfway through his disgust that he’s at work,” another added.

It’s not crazy that an American would think that chicken parmesan is an Italian dish; after all, it’s served in most Italian-American restaurants. However, according to Paesana, it was created in America by the Italian diaspora.

“In the Old World, that’s Italy prior to the Italian diaspora—the large-scale emigration of Italians from Italy to America—proteins like chicken were not widely available," according to an article on the site. "As such, the prototypical chicken parmigiana was actually made with breaded, fried slices of eggplant in place of chicken for a dish called melanzane alla Parmigiana."


Even though chicken parmesan didn’t originate in the old country, Pasquale Sciarappa, a popular Italian-born food influencer living in America, has no problem cooking the dish.

"'That’s not Italian!’ I hear this every time I share a dish like Chicken Parmigiana. And you know what? They’re right — it’s not something you’d traditionally find in Italy. But you know what else is true? It’s Italian-American. It was born in immigrant kitchens — from people who left Italy, landed in the U.S., and made do with what they had. They took inspiration from dishes like melanzane alla parmigiana and recreated comfort from memory using what was available,” he wrote.

It’s understandable that an American could go to Italy without knowing that something he’d had in Italian restaurants wasn’t actually from Italy. It’s understandable for an Italian server to balk at a photo of a dish served in an American restaurant that you’d find in a shopping mall.

But we should all agree that one of the wonderful things about American culture is that it's an amalgamation of different cultures stirred around in the same pot, and if that means we get a fresh variation on the burrito, a new way to eat Chinese crab, or a tasty piece of chicken where eggplant used to be, the more the better.

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Schools

Mom shares school's clever 'un-fundraiser' and burnt out parents are absolutely loving it

We'll gladly pay up if you leave us alone.

Photo credit: Canva

Parents are rejoicing over a fundraiser that asks parents to do... absolutely nothing.

A recent survey showed that parents receive a staggering 17.5 communications per week about their kids' activities, on average. That's multiple emails, texts, or flyers every single day. Some of them can be quickly read (or even ignored), but many of them require some action to be taken.

It's Pajama Day! It's Teacher Appreciation Week! It's Dress Up like a Book Character Day! It's 'Asynchronous Learning Day' and your children will be home with you all day! Each of these can feel overwhelming, but there are few handouts coming home that strike more dread into the heart of parents than when it's time for schools to execute their multi-annual fundraisers.

One mom recently braced herself for the worst when her child brought home a sheet of paper announcing the school's next fundraiser. But the options on the flyer took her totally by surprise.

On Reddit, the mom posted a picture of the unique fundraising request, which was officially named "The No-Fuss Un Fundraiser."

"What's an 'Un Fundraiser?' you might ask. Well, funds are still being raised for the school, but in this instance parents are offered a guilt-free option if they don't want to participate in the bake sale, don't want their children to hawk cheap crap from a catalog, or don't want to participate in any Walkathon-type activities.

The handout explains: "Our no-fuss 'un-fundraiser' is the only fundraiser where 100% of the profits go toward the PTO budget. ... You may choose to participate in lieu of, or in addition to any of the other fundraisers we will be doing throughout the school year."

Direct contribution amounts are then listed, with each amount corresponding to a certain privilege.

Parents could give $15 to proclaim, "I would rather not bake anything or shop for cupcakes this year, thanks."

Fifty dollars proudly announces, "I do not wish to peddle products to my family and friends from catalogs, magazines or brochures, I do not want to buy candles or wrapping paper this year."

A blank amount for parents to fill in states, "I am making this donation to express my appreciation for NOT having to clip, buy, sell, or peddle anything this school year, except filling out this form."

See the whole, hilariously tongue-in-cheek fundraising form here:

Tens of thousands of exhausted parents chimed in to express their appreciation for the school's no-fuss approach.

Not only are parents burnt out and overwhelmed by constant communication and the pressure to be hyper-involved in every aspect of their children's lives, traditional school fundraisers have proved to be problematic in a number of ways.

Kids growing up in the '80s and '90s surely remember the catalog fundraisers, selling chocolate bars, wrapping paper, frozen pizzas, flavored popcorn, whatever the school could get their hands on. Top-sellers were promised flashy prizes like TVs, gaming systems, and more. (Gen X and Millennial kids definitely remember those school assemblies where the slimy catalog reps would get the kids to go feral over the possibility of winning a Sega.)

The problems were and are numerous. Schools only get to keep a certain percentage of the revenue when well-meaning relatives and neighbors buy these products, making them far less effective than straight-up donations. It also puts families in extremely uncomfortable positions where they have to hassle their network of friends and coworkers to buy stuff they don't need; in some cases, kids even go door to door selling!

Fundraisers are traditionally heavily weighted toward kids with wealthier families who can afford to buy a bunch of junk so their kids can rise up the leaderboard and win cool prizes. The funds might be good for the school, but they make almost everyone else feel less-than.

And of course there's the massive, headachy time commitment from parents who have to get involved in these programs. The "No Fuss Un Fundraiser" is such a great concept that eliminates all or most of these challenges.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

A few social media users chimed in:

"My kids' school did this. I gladly gave $100 and I knew that every dime went to the PTO and none of it went to scammy fundraising companies that peddle shoddy crap so bad that we were embarrassed to show the catalogs to the grandparents.

"This is great! I'm glad schools are finally getting the message. When my son had a fundraiser for his school we didn't want him going door-to-door asking people to buy stuff so we wrote a check and sent it to the school with the catalog. This is a much nicer way to handle fundraisers!"

"I would fill this out so fast"

"Enclosed is a check for $400. Which is $100 for each school year. Leave me alone for four years," one user joked.

There are other, more creative fundraiser ideas going around, too:

schools, kids, parents, parenting, elementary school, fundraiser, education, economy, culture Schools are underfunded, but there's got to be a better way to raise funds than selling junk from catalogs. Photo by CDC on Unsplash

"One thing I think my school did right was that our fundraisers were never junk. We sold trash bags in the fall when everyone would be raking up leaves, and flowers in the spring when everyone would be landscaping their spring gardens. My high school sold raffle tickets. But the prize was genius: everyone who sold 10 received a pair of sweatpants that they were allowed to wear all winter. I went to an all girls catholic high school where the primary uniform bottom was a plaid skirt—real cute until it started snowing and you had to walk between buildings every period. So The Pants™ were a coveted privilege."

"Our school is selling 'acts of kindness' where the kids are supposed to do nice things for family/neighbors for the donation. It’s honor system and a good way to teach charity to kids I think (or just no pressure donate if you don’t care)."

Public schools are severely underfunded, there's no question about that. Just look at how many teachers have to buy school supplies with their own money. But making kids go door-to-door selling chocolate bars is not the way.

Direct donation-style fundraisers are gaining popularity in recent years, and all the tired parents, the grandparents who have no need for poor-quality wrapping paper, and all the neighbors who just want to be left alone are grateful for it.

“It's taken a weight off my shoulders, having multiple kids in different schools,” the mom told Newsweek. “I'm thrilled I don't need to cook for 2 bake sales now. ... I would continue to donate like this every year they do this kind of fundraiser."

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Mental Health

Happiness researcher explains how making a 'reverse bucket list' can change your life

Counterintuitive in our culture, but effective.

Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia Commons

Harvard researcher Arthur C. Brooks studies what leads to human happiness.

We live in a society that prizes ambition, celebrating goal-setting, and hustle culture as praiseworthy vehicles on the road to success. We also live in a society that associates successfully getting whatever our hearts desire with happiness. The formula we internalize from an early age is that desire + ambition + goal-setting + doing what it takes = a successful, happy life.

But as Harvard University happiness researcher Arthur C. Brooks has found, in his studies as well as his own experience, that happiness doesn't follow that formula. "It took me too long to figure this one out," Brooks told podcast host Tim Ferris, explaining why he uses a "reverse bucket list" to live a happier life.

bucket list, wants, desires, goals, detachment Many people make bucket lists of things they want in life. Giphy

Brooks shared that on his birthday, he would always make a list of his desires, ambitions, and things he wanted to accomplish—a bucket list. But when he was 50, he found his bucket list from when he was 40 and had an epiphany: "I looked at that list from when I was 40, and I'd checked everything off that list. And I was less happy at 50 than I was at 40."

As a social scientist, he recognized that he was doing something wrong and analyzed it.

"This is a neurophysiological problem and a psychological problem all rolled into one handy package," he said. "I was making the mistake of thinking that my satisfaction would come from having more. And the truth of the matter is that lasting and stable satisfaction, which doesn't wear off in a minute, comes when you understand that your satisfaction is your haves divided by your wants…You can increase your satisfaction temporarily and inefficiently by having more, or permanently and securely by wanting less."

Brooks concluded that he needed a "reverse bucket list" that would help him "consciously detach" from his worldly wants and desires by simply writing them down and crossing them off.

"I know that these things are going to occur to me as natural goals," Brooks said, citing human evolutionary psychology. "But I do not want to be owned by them. I want to manage them." He discussed moving those desires from the instinctual limbic system to the conscious pre-frontal cortex by examining each one and saying, "Maybe I get it, maybe I don't," but crossing them off as attachments. "And I'm free…it works," he said.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"When I write them down, I acknowledge that I have the desire," he explained on X. "When I cross them out, I acknowledge that I will not be attached to this goal."

The idea that attachment itself causes unhappiness is a concept found in many spiritual traditions, but it is most closely associated with Buddhism. Mike Brooks, PhD, explains that humans need healthy attachments, such as an attachment to staying alive and attachments to loved ones, to avoid suffering. But many things to which we are attached are not necessarily healthy, either by degree (over-attachment) or by nature (being attached to things that are impermanent).

"We should strive for flexibility in our attachments because the objects of our attachment are inherently in flux," Brooks writes in Psychology Today. "In this way, we suffer unnecessarily when we don't accept their impermanent nature."

What Arthur C. Brooks suggests that we strive to detach ourselves from our wants and desires because the simplest way to solve the 'haves/wants = happiness' formula is to reduce the denominator. The reverse bucket list, in which you cross off desires before you fulfill them, can help free you from attachment and lead to a happier overall existence.

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Pets

Your dog's breed could say a lot about your personality, according to a veterinarian

"If I see someone with a weenie dog, I know you're just vibing."

Photo Credit: Canva

A dachshund in a pink boa. A woman with pink hair.

Ever been to a dog park and seen a woman with dyed pink hair and a matching dyed pink Shih Tzu, complete with painted nails? My thought is usually, I could have seen the dog first and known exactly who the owner was. (Now this one isn't quite science. I'm a light-hearted shorty on the quiet side who once had a very large and serious Rottweiler.)

That said, a veterinarian named Dr. Indya took to TikTok with a short clip to share her thoughts on dog breeds and what they say about the person who owns them. She writes under her video, "Your dog breed says so much about you and I refuse to think otherwise."

@doctorindya

your dog breed says so much about you and I refuse to believe otherwise #vetmed #dogbreeds #petparent #miniaturedachshund

In the video, over a clip of her talking straight to camera, a chyron displays, "I judge you by your dog breed." She says, "I have this theory that you can tell how seriously someone takes life based on the type of dog they own. Like to me, German Shepherds people? Very serious. A to B, get everything done. Like you cannot mess with someone that owns a German Shepherd."

She goes on, now pointing at the camera. "Doberman, same. Cane Corso, same." She then puts her hand out and waves it. "Golden Retrievers? Pretty casual, they have fun. But they get the job done. They're kind of like finance bros."

She then bends down and picks up a longhaired Dachshund. "Me? What is this? Weenie dog. I have two weenie dogs, bro. You think I take life serious? I have two long dogs, running around my apartment. You think I take life serious?"

dachshund, side-eye, dogs, dog breeds, personalities A dachshund gives the side-eye. Giphy

As her dog squirms around and side-eyes the camera, she continues, "Do you know how fun life is with little short legs just running around? Just pitter-pattering? You think I take life seriously?"

She puts the dog down. "I know that's just me and my brain, but like if I see someone with a weenie dog, I know you're just vibing. You're just a girl. You're just here. I don't know, I could be wrong, but that's my theory."

Well, this theory struck a chord: 9,000 comments later (just on TikTok alone), people are chiming in with their thoughts and experiences.

Some merely agree with the Dachshund of it all: "Was not surprised at all when she picked up a Dachshund. And it’s almost a requirement to have more than one."

Others note how similar they are to their breed: "Chihuahua owner. I’m fun, but with only one or two people. I don’t like anyone else." "I have a Beagle. All we do is rock out and eat food."

Others make jokes: "Me and my Yorkie Terrier are going to law school. In the future."

And one person throws this wrench into the mix: "I have a German Shepherd and a wiener dog. I guess I’m a conflicted soul."

What your chosen dog breed says about you. www.youtube.com

In the recent piece, "What Your Dog Breed Says About You," Laurent Jaccard writes, "Psychologists have spent decades mapping owner personalities to their canine sidekicks, and the patterns are hilarious (sometimes painfully accurate). A Bath Spa University survey of 1,000 owners showed we flock to breeds that mirror our own traits."

He gives the following examples: "Extroverts gravitate to sociable party animals like Labradors and Golden Retrievers. Introverts vibe with low-drama independents such as Shiba Inus or Greyhounds. High-achievers pick brainy workaholics like Border Collies. Trend-setters flaunt bougie French Bulldogs—quirky, compact, Instagram-ready."

He cites a few research studies that support the idea that dogs and owners should have matching energy and sociability, usually, in order to be a great match.

He then lists dog breeds and gives a breakdown of what choosing them says about one's "vibe." One example is his hilarious description of the French Bulldog as a "stylish clown with a side of sass." What this means about their "person" is: "They are probably funny, expressive, and loyal. Care about comfort, charm, and vibes. And like attention, but only on your own terms."

dogs, breeds, french bulldog, personality Frenchie licks lips. Giphy

Again, while this isn't an exact science (obviously) it's fun to think about. And if by chance you've opted for a rescue mutt of some sort, well we know your "vibe check," and it's probably pretty awesome.

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Love Stories

Man successfully captures the feeling of real, lasting love in poem for his wife

There's a reason people ask to have Harry Baker's "Dust" read at their wedding.

Photo credit: Canva

Love finds beauty and joy in the mundane.

For centuries, perhaps millennia, poets have tried to capture the essence of the most profound human feelings. While success on that front is subjective—a poem that hits one person right in the heart may have little effect on someone else—there are some poets who manage to strike a universal chord on themes that are hard to put into words.

World Poetry Slam Champion Harry Baker has done that with one of life's most beautiful but underrated experiences—to love and be loved by a partner in the most basic, everyday ways. Nothing fancy. Nothing that requires a massive effort. Just the daily joys and routines that make marriage or a life partnership the comforting, safe place it can be.

@harrybakerpoet

NOW AVAILABLE AS A PRINT ON MY WEBSITE ✨ I wrote this for my wife and so am always thrilled when people tell me they’ve had it or heard it at a wedding - After years of requests I have finally teamed up with @Katie to make it into four different options of stunning print 💙💙🤍🤍 🎥 @Liam Bagnall #poetry #poetrytok #spokenword #lovepoem #wedding

Baker wrote the poem "Dust" for his wife, and it's clear he speaks from experience. "It's not the flowers, it's the weeding in the mud with you," he begins. "It's not the champagne, it's that cuppa in that favorite mug you use."

His poem hits at the heart of what makes genuine, lasting love what it is—not the stereotypical symbols of romance (flowers, champagne, chocolate, fancy food) but the daily work, the shared indulgences, the knowing what makes one another truly happy, and the joy in those everyday realities.

The poem has funny parts throughout, which only makes it more perfect. Humor is such a part of real love that any love poem feels incomplete without it.

love, love poem, harry baker, true love, marriage Love makes us laugh.Photo credit: Canva

But it's seriously profound as well: "It's not the dreaming, it's the waking up with you. I want to be here long enough to gather dust with you."

When he speaks of the "glorious consistency," the "everyday magnificence" and the "spectacular normality" of loving his wife, anyone who has been in a long and happy relationship understands exactly what he means. Fireworks are fine, but it's the slow-burning fire that creates a warm home—a home where we know we are safe and cherished just as we are.

Baker shared that "Dust" is his most requested poem for people to use at weddings, and it's easy to see why. The comment section is filled with people who say they had part or all of it read at their weddings, along with people praising Baker for hitting the nail on the head with his words:

"Why do I always get brought to tears when I hear something that perfectly captures an emotion? Idk, but this made me cry. Couldn’t have said it better."

"I have heard this 1000 times, and I cannot get enough. Tears every single time 🥺 You’re amazing Harry ♥"

love, love poem, harry baker, true love, marriage Love joyfully gathers dust. Photo credit: Canva

"My sister read this for us at our wedding and everyone LOVED it!! It will forever be one of my favourite memories, thank you for your poetry!!!"

"I showed this to my best fiend, and she cried. Now she’s reading it at our wedding next year 🤍 thank you for writing such a beautiful poem."

"All of this. Thirty years of marriage this month and he’s still the best part of my day ❤"

"I have stage 4 cancer and you are saying everything in my heart I want my husband to know before I leave here. 🥰"

"As a widow this hits so hard. 💜"

Baker's "Dust" is truly a gift to those who know and appreciate the simple joys of a solid, lifelong partnership.

You can find the poem in Baker's second book, "Unashamed," and you can find more of his work on his website. You can also follow him on TikTok and Instagram to see more of his spoken word performances.

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