Domestic labor isn't kindness: Wife shares the 7 things she doesn't do for her husband.
He's a grown man, after all.
Paige Connell on the 7 things she doesn't do for her husband.
Paige Connell is a working mom of four and a popular social media personality who discusses moms' mental load and advocates for equality in relationships. Recently, she struck a nerve on TikTok with a video where she admitted she doesn’t do her husband’s laundry and said it “brings out big feelings in people.”
Paige says she isn’t being petty. It’s “just how it functions” in her home. She took things a step further in a follow-up video, listing all of the things that she doesn’t do for her husband. "You all know I don't do his laundry," she said in the video. "He can do that himself."
"He cooks dinner every night. I do breakfast and lunch for us and our kids," she continued. "I don't pack him a lunch. If he's hungry, he'll figure out what he's gonna eat for lunch the same way that I do." She added that she doesn’t make his doctor’s appointments, pack his clothes for vacation, or buy him new underwear when it gets holes.
"Is it my job? Absolutely not," she said. "All of those are things that he's a grown man and he can do himself."
@sheisapaigeturner Replying to @rafael it’s important to show your partner, love and kindness. And I believe in small acts of kindness for a partners. However, expecting your partner to do your laundry and all of the cooking and all of the cleaning, is not the same qe small acts of kindness. All of those things are domestic labor and then when add it up, create a lot of work. #domesticlabor #actsofkindness #actsofservice #marriagegoals #fairplay #millennialmom #mentalload #laundry
However, she doesn’t want to confuse her refusal to take care of her husband’s domestic responsibilities with a lack of kindness. "That's domestic labor. Those are chores; those are not acts of kindness," she says.
She adds that she does plenty of kind things for him outside of the home such as buying him vinyl records or picking up a new non-alcoholic beer that she thinks he would like.
Her main point: "Small acts of kindness that are mostly domestic labor just add up to work at the end of the day."
Paige's post has resonated with many, garnering over 2.5 million views and a wave of support from the commenters. “Preach. Parentifying your spouse is such a turn-off,” wrote Nicki, echoing Paige's sentiments.”'Exactly, a lot of men think that having a wife is like having a personal assistant. If that’s the case, pay me by the hour,” added iloveme_011.
Some women say that they still do their husbands' domestic chores as a sign of love. "I do all these things because acts of service are my love language, but after a while of no reciprocation, you start to become resentful," Soph wrote in the comments. “Times have changed for sure. I take pride in doing all of those things for my husband. In fact, I’ll do it for my grown children, too!" Brenda Castro added.
Upworthy contacted Paige to find out what her husband thinks about the arrangement. “We are in alignment on sharing the load equitably. We believe in striving for a partnership where we are both supported and neither one of us takes on more than the other when it comes to our home and kids. We work hard to share the load as equally as possible!” she told Upworthy.
She also shared why some women equate domestic labor with kindness. “I believe many women have been taught that doing labor for someone else shows your love to them. It is ingrained in us in so many ways in our society that we are raised to believe that is how you show love when in reality there are many ways to show love and doing domestic labor does not have to be one of them,” she told Upworthy.
Paige’s video proves that we all have different ways of expressing our love for our significant others and that for women, it can be a lot more than taking on more of the domestic load. As Paige notes in the video, what starts as kindness can quickly devolve into a job and then resentment.
This article originally appeared in May.
Millennial mom struggles to organize her son's room.Image via Canva/fotostorm
Boomer grandparents have a video call with grandkids.Image via Canva/Tima Miroshnichenko
Information from the NICABM website regarding the "Window of Tolerance."Photo Credit: The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine 
Waves cycle in the ocean. Photo by
Gen Xers and Millennials share 17 of the strangest things their Baby Boomer parents do
"My mom writes her emails in MS Word, then attaches the Word document to the email."
A Baby Boomer couple.
Generational fights have raged since the dawn of time, and a recent spat between Millennials and Baby Boomers is no exception. Baby Boomers, who raised Millennials, accuse the younger generation of being entitled and irresponsible with money. At the same time, Millennials accuse Boomers of having it easier economically while making it harder for those who came after them.
Where is Gen X in the battle? Probably off in the corner somewhere, saying, "Whatever." Aside from the generational sniping, there are some things the older generation does that are just plain baffling to younger people. Whether it's outdated worldviews, a refusal to adapt to modern technology, or a lack of self-awareness, Baby Boomers can do some strange things.
To help the younger folks get over their frustrations with parents from the "Me Generation," a Redditor asked: "What is the most Boomer thing your parents still do?" The stories were pretty funny and relatable, showing that almost everyone with parents over 60 is dealing with the same thing.
Here are 17 of the "strangest" things people's Baby Boomer parents do:
1. Phones on full blast
"Play iPhone slot machine games at full volume in the doctor’s office."
"My dad pretty much exclusively has his phone on speaker, and just walks around in public talking with it at max volume (and talking really loud himself). I’m like 'Dad, the entire supermarket doesn’t want to listen to you, and Uncle Jim complains about how often you have to pee.'"
2. Still using checkbooks
"My mom balances her checkbook every week. They still have a landline."
"And she probably has way more money than you will until she dies!"
3. Email issues
"My mom writes her emails in MS Word, then attaches the Word document to the email."
"Like the email is just the virtual envelope for the digital letter."
4. Restaurant jokes
"All those little restaurant comments.
'Wow, they'll let anyone in here!' when seeing a friend at said restaurant.
'Thanks for having us, not everyone will' to the waiter at the end of the meal.
'As you can see, it was terrible' when the staff takes away the clearly entirely eaten plate.
'You're going to have me floating away in a minute' when more water is put into their glass"
5. Always have to mention race
"Constantly mentioning the race or ethnicity of everyone she mentions. Never with any negative connotation or comment, but usually, there is no reason for it to be relevant to the conversation."
"My Jewish mother will always whisper the word 'black' in case anyone hears her: 'So the nice black man at the hardware store helped me find the right garden hose.'"
6. Googling their Google
"Typing Google on Google before they Google the thing they’re looking for."
"In the Google search bar, they type Google? Lol."
7. Getting a job is a cinch
"Believing you can walk into a business and hand in a resume. If you have a college degree in any field, they'll hire you."
"Just physically hand over your resume to HR or the hiring manager. You'll make a mark and get hired!! Call the office and ask to speak to HR/Hiring Manager."
Any Millennial who argued with their Boomer parents about how hard it is to land a good job should feel vindicated by a 2022 study, which found that most older Millennials didn't secure good jobs until their early 30s, while most Boomers did so in their 20s. "To secure a good job, young adults need to acquire more education and high-quality work experience than was necessary for previous generations," the researchers wrote.
8. Why are they together?
"Stay married forever while they behave like neither one of them can stand each other."
"I'm on the other side of that. After my mom passed, my dad now acts like their marriage was picture perfect and they were the love of each other's lives, even though they couldn't stand each other for at the very least 40 of the 54 years they were married."
9. Collectables or hoarding?
"Think their 'collectibles' are truly valuable."
"My mom insists her Hummels are going to put my kids through college!"
"Mine are the Thomas Kincade paintings. She has a Victorian glass piece that might actually be worth something, but those damn paintings are the real investment."
10. Can you grab the mail?
"Ask me to bring in the mail when they go away for more than 24 hours."
"My parents think everybody is standing at the door waiting for the mailman every day, and don’t believe me when I tell them that some people go days without checking their mail. They think everybody is waiting for the mailman every day because 'somebody might send them a check.' Like, really?"
11. Zero responsibility
"'Well, I guess I was just a bad father.' Yeah. That attitude of anti-responsibility is exactly why 3 out of 4 of your children don't talk to you."
"Ha! Have the same dad, do we?"
12. Comment on people's appearance
"Comment on EVERYBODY’s body/appearance/weight. The first thing my dad does after not seeing me for a year is poke me in the gut and tell me how fat I am."
13. Boomer panic is real
"Literally throwing their hands up in a panic when they don't understand something. Where did they learn that?"
"Or just saying 'well, I don't know', especially when that comes right after you explaining it and showing them how to do something, with them nodding along and asking relevant questions all the way through."
In a video by YourTango, editor Brian Sundholm tried to explain Boomer panic in an empathetic way: "Most of us nowadays know the importance of recognizing and feeling our emotions." Sundholm then quoted therapist Mitzi Bachman, who explained that when people struggle to express their emotions, it can result in an "unhinged" reaction.
14. Annoying Facebook posts
"Post nonsensical rants on Facebook for other boomers to like, share, and comment. Often these rants are political, but not always. Basically cringe-fest."
"Most people won't do it, but share this post if you believe in god and freedom."
"I do NOT give Facebook permission to use my photos and personal information!"
15. Dinner pushers
"While we're eating breakfast. What do you want to do for supper?"
"Can't we enjoy this meal without worrying about the next?"
16. They print everything
"My boomer in-laws print EVERYTHING! The number of times I have said, 'quit wasting ink, email it to me, or text me the link. Or just text me the schedule, don't print it out.' GPS on their phones? Nope...print a map."
"Boomers and their paper man. My dad has finally started using the internet, but he still prints everything he likes. Like he'll see a boat listing on Craigslist and print the entire page, including a massive color photo of it, and he's definitely not going to be buying it either. He's got a stack of papers that is the internet that sits by his recliner. He just sits there with Fox News on (though it's usually muted for some reason, that's a plus) and looks at his papers."
17. Flirting with servers
"My dad is 77 still flirts with the young waitresses. It's f**king weird for everyone."
"He thinks he is in cute old man territory, but he is not."