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What you DON'T see in our idyllic family vacation photos

What you DON'T see in our idyllic family vacation photos
Annie Reneau

A few years ago, our family took a two-week road trip through the Pacific Northwest. We visited six state parks and four national parks, camped under the Redwoods, frolicked in the Pacific Ocean, hiked through breathtaking scenery, and ate and laughed with friends and family who traveled with us.

Perusing the photos from that vacation (or "family trip" to be more accurate, per M. Blazoned's brilliant analysis), I see gorgeous vistas and genuine smiles, children playing and families picnicking, magical moments of beauty and bliss.

But photos never show the whole picture, do they? This is a problem in the social media age as studies suggest that constantly seeing people's "highlight reels" on Facebook and Instagram can lead to sadness and/or jealousy. Apparently, scrolling through photos of our friends basking on beautiful beaches while we're waging whining wars with our wee ones can make us feel all icky inside. Go figure.


Since I don't like the thought of people feeling icky inside, I thought it might be helpful to share what you don't see in our fun family vacation photos:

THE "KIDS HAVING A UNIQUE EXPERIENCE" SHOTwww.motherhoodandmore.com

What you see: A group of happy kids peering down the empty center of an ancient Redwood tree. So cool.

What you don't see: One of my kids stomping away angrily because I wouldn't let her slide down the hollow after her much older friend (and Boy Scout) did it first and found it to be too treacherous. (The slope was much longer and steeper than it looks in the photo.)

THE "TOTALLY NATURAL, CANDID KID PORTRAIT" SHOTwww.motherhoodandmore.com

What you see: My sweet, happy boy on the banks of a swimming hole in Yosemite National Park gazing lovingly at his mother.

What you don't see: Me carrying this unhappy boy away from said swimming hole while he threw an enormous fit because it was time to go and we couldn't find the "perfect hiking stick" he had found on the way there. Someone actually slow clapped as I escorted him away. Good times.

THE "FAMILY WALKING TOWARDS THE GORGEOUS SCENERY" SHOTwww.motherhoodandmore.com

What you see: Our big group of family and friends walking into the woods for a lovely picnic lunch under the amazing granite formations of Yosemite.

What you don't see: We had just driven three cars full of hungry, cranky children in circles for 20 minutes trying to find a parking space near the visitor's center, to no avail. (Fair warning: Yosemite Valley is NUTS in August.)

THE "KID ENJOYING THE WONDERS OF NATURE" SHOTwww.motherhoodandmore.com

What you see: Our little nature lover demonstrating how big the sugar pine cone she found was at our campsite.

What you don't see: The teeth-gnashing negotiations that ensued when I said she couldn't bring the sap-dripping pine cone home with her because it was unbelievably sticky and also against park rules. Taking this photo was her consolation prize.

THE "ALL-AMERICAN ICE CREAM CONE" SHOTwww.motherhoodandmore.com

What you see: My youngest enjoying his hard-earned ice cream after a day of hiking at Yosemite.

What you don't see: The complaints that ensued after he finished his ice cream because I would not also buy him Cheetos. GAH.

THE "KIDS ALL SITTING IN ONE SPOT TOGETHER, SMILING AND CALM" SHOTwww.motherhoodandmore.com

What you see: Six happy kids in a hammock at the campground in Lassen Volcanic National Park.

What you don't see: Four not-so-happy parents telling kids for the 127th time to stop throwing dirt, stop yelling and screeching (sorry, fellow campers), and stop playing in the fire.

THE "BREATHTAKING VISTA ON A BEAUTIFUL DAY" SHOTwww.motherhoodandmore.com

What you see: A gorgeous view of Crater Lake's incomparably blue waters from the Phantom Ship overlook.

What you don't see: Me spending the entire 1/2-mile hike to this overlook dealing with a six-year-old melting down because I wouldn't let him get a Swiss Army knife. (Man, traveling can be tough on the six-year-olds.)

THE "KIDS ACTIVELY PLAYING IN NATURE" SHOTwww.motherhoodandmore.com

What you see: Kids enjoying beautiful Plaikni Falls in Crater Lake National Park.

What you don't see: Every one of those kids revolting over the 1.3 mile hike to get there because (and I quote) "We've already seeeeen enough beautiful sceneryyyyy!" Wah. Wah. Wah.

THE "SIBLINGS HUGGING WHILE GAZING AT THE SUNSET" SHOTwww.motherhoodandmore.com

What you see: Our three loving children bonding over the beautiful sunset view at Crater Lake.

What you don't see: Me working through one child's emotional crisis in the car ten minutes before this moment, and two children fighting so badly ten minutes after this moment that I made them sit in the car together at the campground until they hugged and made up.

We love to travel as a family and our kids are generally great, but they're kids. And parenting doesn't stop when you're on vacation, alas.

It's not that these photos don't show an accurate picture of reality. These were real, honest, lovely snippets in time filled with joy and wonder. But it's also reality that they were bookended with not-so-lovely moments. Such is life. Especially with children, God love 'em.

So don't be jealous of people's idyllic family vacation photos. I guarantee their trips have as much normal family drama as yours do, even if their photos don't show it.

And why would they? We take pictures because we want to remember the good times, not the annoying ones. And over time, the whining, arguing, and complaining that come with traveling all melt away, and what we're left with is the beautiful memories we've chosen to capture and hold onto.

We just need to remember that when we're looking at someone else's highlight reel, we're definitely not seeing the whole picture.

Sponsored

Three women, three MS journeys: How multiple sclerosis looks different for everyone

Gina, Nathalie and Helga share their reactions to being diagnosed with MS and how they stay informed and positive in the face of ever-changing symptoms.

Courtesy of Sanofi

Helga, Nathalie and Gina all have MS, and their experiences show how differently the disease can manifest.

True

It’s been 155 years since neurologist Jean-Martin Charcot gave the first lecture on a mysterious progressive illness he called “multiple sclerosis.” Since then, we’ve learned a lot. We know MS causes the immune system to attack healthy tissue, including damaging the brain and spinal cord. Resulting symptoms can be debilitating and include fatigue, blurred vision, memory problems and weakness. Huge advancements in our understanding of MS and its underlying causes, as well as treatment advances, have been made in the past few decades, but MS remains a complex and unpredictable reality for the 2.8 million+ people diagnosed around the world.

Ironically, the only real constant for people living with MS is change. There’s no set pattern or standard progression of the disease, so each person’s experience is unique. Some people with MS have mild symptoms that worsen slowly but sometimes improve, while others can have severe symptoms that drastically alter their daily lives.

All people with MS share some things in common, however, such as the need to stay informed on the ever-evolving research, find various lines of support and try to remain hopeful as they continue living with the disease.

To better understand what navigating life with MS really looks like, three women shared their MS stories with us. Their journeys demonstrate how MS can look different for different people and interestingly, how the language used to talk about the disease can greatly impact how people understand their realities.

woman with horse, woman riding horseGina loves riding her horse, Benita.Courtesy of Sanofi

Gina—Hamburg, Germany (diagnosed with relapsing multiple sclerosis in 2017)

When her youngest son was 4 months old, Gina started having problems with her eye. She’d soon learn she was experiencing optic neuritis—her first symptom of MS.

“Immediately after the diagnosis, I looked up facts on MS because I didn’t know anything about it,” Gina says. “And as soon as I knew what could really happen with this disease, I actually got scared.”

As her family’s primary income provider, she worried about how MS would impact her ability to work as a writer and editor. Her family was afraid she was going to end up in a wheelchair. However, for now, Gina’s MS is managed well enough that she still works full-time and is able to be active.

“When I tell somebody that I have MS, they often don't believe me the first time because I don't fulfill any stereotypes,” she says.

Overwhelmed by negative perspectives on living with MS, Gina sought support in the online MS community, which she found to be much more positive.

“I think it’s important to use as many positive words as you can when talking about MS.” It’s important to be realistic while also conveying hope, she says. “MS is an insidious disease that can cause many bad symptoms…that can be frightening, and you can't gloss over it, either.”

To give back to the online community that helped her so much, Gina started a blog to share her story and help others trying to learn about their diagnosis.

Though she deals with fatigue and cognitive dysfunction sometimes, Gina stays active swimming, biking, riding horses and playing with her sons, who are now 11 and 6.

Cognitive dysfunction is common in MS, with over half of people affected. It can impact memory, attention, planning, and word-finding. As with many aspects of MS, some people experience mild changes, while others face more challenges.

Gina says that while there’s still a lot of education about MS needed, she feels positive about the future of MS because there’s so much research being done.

woman in wheelchair holding medal, woman rowingNathalie is an award-winning rower with multiple international titles.Courtesy of Sanofi

Nathalie — Pennes Mirabeau, France (diagnosed with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis in 2002)

Nathalie was a teenager and a competitive athlete when she noticed her first symptoms of MS, but it would take four years of “limbo” before she was diagnosed.

“Ultimately, the diagnosis was more of a relief, than a shock,” she says. “Because when you have signs and you don’t know why, it’s worse than knowing, in the end, what you have.”

However, learning more about the disease—and the realities of disease progression—scared her.

“That glimpse of the future was direct and traumatic,” she says. Her neurologist explained that the disease evolves differently for everyone, and her situation might end up being serious or very mild. So, she decided to stop comparing herself to others with MS.

She said to herself, “We’ll see what happens, and you’ll manage it bit by bit.”

By 2005, Nathalie’s MS had progressed to the point of needing a wheelchair. However, that has not dampened her competitive spirit.

Nathalie began her international rowing career in 2009 and has won multiple world titles, including two Paralympic medals—silver in London and bronze in Tokyo. Now, at 42, she still trains 11 times a week. Fatigue can be a problem, and sometimes hard workouts leave her with muscle stiffness and shaking, but she credits her ongoing sports career for helping her feel in tune with her body’s signals.

“Over the years, I’ve learned to listen to my body, letting my body guide when I need to stop and take breaks,” she says.

Nathalie explains that she used to only look backwards because of the initial shock of her diagnosis. In time, she stopped thinking about what she couldn’t do anymore and focused on her future. She now lives in the following mindset: “Even when doors close, don’t miss out on those that open.” Instead of focusing on what she can’t do, she focuses on the opportunities she still has. Right now, this includes her training for the 2024 Paralympic Games in Paris, where she will compete for another rowing medal.

“I only go forward,” she says. “Well, I try, anyway…It’s easy to say, it’s not always easy to do. But that’s what I try to do.”

woman exiting water after swimming, woman with great daneHelga's Great Dane has become a helpful and beloved companion.Courtesy of Sanofi

Helga—Johannesburg, South Africa (diagnosed with relapsing multiple sclerosis in 2010)

When Helga first started having balance issues and numbness in her feet, she chalked it up to her training as a runner. But when the numbness moved to her face, she knew something was wrong. She never guessed it was MS.

“When I was diagnosed, I felt completely overwhelmed and clueless,” Helga says. “I felt that I had nowhere near enough information. I did not know anything about the disease…I had no idea that it was going to be a process of continually monitoring and adjusting your lifestyle.”

In the beginning, Helga’s symptoms developed slowly, and she didn’t appear ill to others. She was even able to run for a few years after her diagnosis, but she couldn’t do marathons anymore, and she began to fall frequently due to balance issues and right-foot dragging. Then her cognition issues became more problematic, especially in her job as a trainer in a printing company.

“My executive function, decision-making and short-term memory were affected to the point that I was eventually medically unfit for work,” she says. She stopped working in 2017.

However, she didn’t stop living life. Even though she could no longer run, she continued to swim competitively. She got a Great Dane puppy and trained him as a service dog to help her walk. She also serves as vice chair of the patient support organization Multiple Sclerosis South Africa, and she advises others who have been diagnosed to join a patient advocacy group as soon as possible to get reliable information and meet others with MS.

Helga says she is “hopeful” about the future of MS. “I must say that I am so grateful that we have all the new medications available, because my life would not be the same if it wasn't for that,” she adds.

Part of how she manages her MS is by looking at the positives.

“If I could tell the world one thing about MS, it would be that MS is an incurable disease of the nervous system, but it's also the greatest teacher of valuing your health, family, friends, and managing change in your life,” she says. “My life is diversified in a way that I never, ever thought it would, and MS has been honestly the greatest teacher.”

Each MS journey is unique – with each person impacted experiencing different struggles, successes, and feelings as they manage this unpredictable disease. But the common thread is clear – there is a critical need for information, support, and hope. We are proud to participate in World MS Day and share these incredible stories of living life while living with MS. To learn more about MS, go to https://www.sanofi.com/why-words-really-matter-when-it-comes-to-multiple-sclerosis.

MAT-GLB-2301642-v1.0-05/2023

This article was sponsored by Sanofi. Participants were compensated when applicable.

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