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Women expose the reality of perimenopausal brain fog resulting in humorously relatable anecdotes

"I forgot the word 'toiletries' and ended up saying 'human condiments'."

Women expose the hilarious reality of perimenopausal brain fog

One thing that people are becoming increasingly familiar with whether they want to or not is perimenopause. This refers to the several years to a decade before someone reaches full blown menopause, which is marked by 12 consecutive months without menstruation. One of the reasons people are much more aware of the biological condition is because of women like Ari who is speaking openly about her experiences with perimenopause.

In a recent video, Ari, who goes by @Ari_Darling on social media, shared the frustrating experience of perimenopause related brain fog and forgetfulness. Upon sharing an amusing video of her seemingly starting to say something and forgetting what she was saying, women flocked to share their own stories of the phenomenon.

forgetfulness, perimenopause, pre menopause, brain fog, women's health What was I doing again?Photo credit: Canva

Brain fog and forgetfulness are common symptoms of perimenopause that can make someone feel as if they're developing a serious illness. It can be scary at times when the moments go from forgetting why you walked into a room to something that feels more serious, like forgetting words you use frequently and floundering while your brain searches for a placeholder.

Dr. Hadine Joffe, executive director of the Connors Center for Women's Health and Gender Biology at Brigham and Women's ­Hospital and a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, tells Harvard Women's Health Watchthat decreasing estrogen is the culprit to perimenopausal brain fog and is usually one of the first indications that hormone levels have changed. "We don't know why this happens, because many things are happening across the menopause transition along with the drop in estrogen," Joffe tells the publication.

@ari__darling I can’t believe how bad it is. We need to talk about this more. #perimenopause #forget #words ♬ original sound - Ari__Darling 🇨🇦

No matter the reason people experience brain fog, it's pretty safe to assume that everyone going through it finds it to be quite annoying. In the moment it may be irritating and a little frightening but once it has passed and the panic has subdued, the inconvenient brain glitches can be amusing. That's exactly what the women who found Ari's video bonded over–the hilarity that comes with brain fog and all the wild things their brain shoved out of their mouths when they couldn't remember simple words.

One woman was simply mortified when she couldn't remember an everyday phrase: "I couldn't remember 'flight attendant' but knew 'stewardess' was not pc, I could only remember that it was 2 words....I came up with "space waitress.' fml"

flight attendant, stewardess, brain fog, forgetfulness, perimenopauseA space waitress at work. Photo credit: Canva

It's always a good day when potatoes have babies according to this woman's word flub: "The other day I was trying to think of the word “tater tots” and I asked my husband to get the potato children."

You know, maybe we should petition for this particular change: "Couldn’t remember 'A-list' celebrities. Instead said “this movie has a lot of name brand actors”

Well, you probably don't want to say this to an elderly relative: "Yep, i pulled out "coffin parking lot" the other day when I couldn't remember cemetery."

cemetery, coffin, brain fog, forgetfulness, funny wordsWaking Up Funeral GIFGiphy

"I forgot the word 'toiletries' and ended up saying 'human condiments,'" another shared. Who needs different words when lotion is essentially like like ketchup for your legs? Same thing, right?

"Asking for tongs in the kitchen. My brain throws out food tweezers. I used to be a chef," said another woman. You can still be a chef and use food tweezers. This is a judgement free zone.

Listen, words are hard sometimes and having hormonal fluctuations that make you forget what keys are called doesn't make it any easier. Thankfully, women no longer have to suffer in silence thinking they're alone in their struggles. Thanks to social media, women from all over the world have a better understanding of perimenopause because others refuse to adhere to the idea that "the change" is something private. If you're going through brain fog and forgetfulness related to perimenopause, rest assured you have an entire group of people experiencing the same thing and they're more than happy to commiserate with you.

A Christmas song parody for the women of Gen X.

Most of us grow up hearing enough about menopause to understand the very basics of it. Periods stop. Hot flashes happen. Hormones are involved. For most of us, that's about the extent of what we ever learn about what happens during that transitional period of a woman's life. The details of what exactly menopause entails go largely unspoken and unacknowledged, leaving women in their 40s unprepared for years of wondering what the heck is happening to their bodies and minds as they careen toward their 50s.

Perimenopause, the period of time preceding actual menopause, is when all the fun starts. A random sprinkling of symptoms you had no idea were coming suddenly show up, throwing your whole world into disarray—and the chaos lasts for years. Women going through it know that if you don't laugh about it, you'll cry. So, thankfully the chaos has been accurately and hilariously captured by Penn and Kim Holderness in a parody Christmas song medley.

With parodies of "Here Comes Santa Claus," "Sleigh Ride," "Santa Claus is Comin' To Town," "Little Drummer Boy," and "O Christmas Tree," the Holdernesses tackle the forgetfulness, sleeplessness, moodiness, hair thinning, doctor gaslighting and more that comes with perimenopause.

Merry Perimenopause 🎅🏼

Oh HRT, oh HRT. Hormone replacement therapy 🎶

Watch:

@theholdernessfamily

Oh HRT, oh HRT. Hormone replacement therapy 🎶 #perimenopause #christmas

As they so often do, the Holdernesses hit the nail on the head with this parody, and it has Gen X women everywhere cheering.

"The new Gen X female anthem."

"As someone that works in an OBGYN office, I have officially requested this to be added to the waiting room playlist 😂"

"I nearly dropped my coffee-😂-he’s gaslighting you! Love it🤣 I’m rolling!"

"Omg love this! One thing you didn’t mention, the weight gain that comes out of nowhere and will not come off!!!"

"I’m impressed that no one was hurt in the recording of this video. 🤣🤣🤣"

"I have never felt more seen. 💜"

"This is an excellent contribution to society in all the ways 👏👏👏"

"I am so grateful to be going through this hell in a time where we are free to talk/sing about it!'

And there's the one upside to going through perimenopause in the 2020s—people are finally actually talking about it openly, honestly and publicly. Sure, women have always shared their experiences with one another in private conversations, but when you don't have a large enough sampling, it's hard to know what to expect. Doctors are often no help, either dismissing or diminishing your symptoms, telling you they are some version of "normal" or just giving an unhelpful, "Huh, that's weird" and leaving it at that.

To be fair, the symptoms that can come along with perimenopause are vast and varied. We expect the hot flashes and the moodiness, perhaps, but there are super off-the-wall things like dry eyes and ears, shoulder pain, itching all over that no one would logically associate with menopause. So it's understandable that doctors might not know what to do with all the perimenopausal possibilities. And since estrogen levels fluctuate unevenly during perimenopause, it's not always as simple as "get your hormones checked." Some women have a clear hormonal drop and find hormone replacement therapy a lifesaver. Some women experience all kinds of perimenopausal symptoms while never having an abnormal hormone test. A lot of perimenopausal management feels like shooting in the dark.

But hey, at least we have more information than our mothers and grandmothers did and a culture where we can make fun of our mid-life woes with parody videos like this one.

You can follow The Holderness Family on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook and YouTube.


Shoulder pain is a symptom of perimenopause?! Yep, can be.

Living in a female body is wild. There's the whole period thing to begin with. Then, for many of us, there's the pregnancy and childbirth thing that pushes your body to its limits. And then there's the menopausal stage where you get to say goodbye to periods forever. Yay!

But between those last two is a phase that has been woefully neglected by clinical research and is only now starting to get the attention it deserves. Perimenopause happens in the years prior to actual menopause. Filled with super special symptoms that seemingly come out of nowhere, perimenopause can make you feel as if you've moved into an entirely different body. Most women experience perimenopause in their 40s, though it can start as early as the mid-30s, and is something all women should be aware of.

Author and former news anchor Tamsen Fadal shared five perimenopause symptoms she wish she'd known about in her 40s on Instagram, and so many women resonated with it.



The symptoms she shared were:

1. Weight gain

It's very strange to suddenly have your baseline weight go up by 10 pounds when you didn't change anything about your diet or exercise routine. It's also strange to suddenly gain weight in parts of your body that you never previously gained weight.

"I suddenly looked in the mirror and didn't recognize my body despite changing nothing about my routine," Fadal wrote.

"I was probably in perimenopause for ten years and just thought I was going crazy. And that I was lazy and the weight gain was all my fault," shared one woman. "If only I’d known."

"Looking at food and gaining weight is not fun 😭," quipped another.

2. Sudden Anxiety

Even women who aren't prone to anxiety can start experiencing anxiety symptoms during perimenopause. And those who already deal with it can find themselves feeling anxious at a whole new level.

"I felt like I was losing my mind and no doctor was giving me a straight answer which made my anxiety through the roof," wrote Fadal.

"The freaking anxiety rocked my world 😢" shared one woman.

"I've always been anxious. What I'm noticing is now it's gotten worse and I'm feeling paranoid, crazy," wrote another.

3. Itchy skin

This one is weird and not something anyone talks about until all of a sudden you and everyone your age talks about wanting to scratch their skin off.

"Not only was my skin SO dry, it felt like I had little electric shocks underneath my skin at the most odd times," Fadal shared.

"The itchy skin is not talked about enough! Sometimes I just can’t stand it, I want to scream!"

"All.of.this!!!👏 add tinnitus, itchy ears and dry eyes to that list 🫠"


4. Irritability

Whether it's a symptom of its own or a side effect of the many other symptoms piling on is a legitimate question, but perimenopause can definitely make you want to bite someone's head off.

"The irritability isn’t something we talk about enough!" Fadal wrote. "It was like one day I woke up and suddenly I was moody over EVERYTHING and my patience was very, very low."

"I can be fine one moment then suddenly I hate everyone and want to go live in the forest by myself. Then that slides into sadness because we're all going to die. It's exhausting."

"Yes, I was very very irritable with most things that no patience whatsoever! My 15 year old son was like 'why are you always so angry?' That was something unusual of me and it was like a “wake up call” in a way that I realized I wasn’t just same and my body was always under fire with sleepless nights!"

5. Joint pain

Fadal shared that she had sudden pain in her shoulder and wasn't able to put her arm around someone for a picture. I went through about a year where I couldn't reach over to turn my bedside lamp on and off.

"The shoulder pain! So true."

"The joint pain! OMG. Started out of nowhere two weeks ago. Cannot lift arms up to get dressed and my hands are excruciating. It’s not a little bit sore… it’s a LOT sore."

"The shoulder pain out of nowhere is insane!!"

Of course, any symptoms that are concerning to you should be checked out by a medical professional and not just be assumed to be perimenopause. But what so many women shared is the same thing Fadal found when she started experiencing perimenopause symptoms—there's just not nearly enough information out there about it. That may seem shocking, considering the fact that women make up half the population and have been going through menopause for literally all of human history, but meaningful research on perimenopause really only began in the 1980s, and there's still so much that's not fully understood.

Fadal has been on a mission to get more and better information out to women about perimenopause and menopause since she had her first anxiety attack and hot flash live on the air in 2019, which left her shaking on the bathroom floor. Her book, "How to Menopause," is coming out in March of 2025 and she has co-created a documentary, "The M Factor," that will air on PBS on October 17, 2024.


Perimenopause feels impossible to prepare for, but knowledge is power and the more we understand about what's happening with our bodies and what we might expect, the more equipped we will feel when our time comes.

You can follow Tamsen Fadal on Instagram for more about menopause and perimenopause.


Women's Health

People are loving Drew Barrymore's live reaction to her first perimenopause hot flash

“I don’t know that I have ever heard a celebrity talk about a hot flash in the moment. Thank you for being so real."

The Drew Barrymore Show/Youtube

Drew Barrymore getting a quick assist from Jennifer Aniston

It feels safe to say that many, if not most people hail Drew Barrymore as the “Queen of Candid.” She can seemingly talk to absolutely anyone about anything in a way that’s consistently warm and authentic.


That even goes for when she experiences her first hot flash in front of a live television audience, apparently.

While speaking with guests Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler on her talk show, Barrymore abruptly appears flustered, fanning herself and removing her jacket.

Without missing a beat, she says, “I am so hot, I think I'm having my first perimenopause hot flashes.”

“Oh, I feel so honored!” Jennifer Aniston quips as she fixes Barrymore’s mic, which is a sweet moment in and of itself.

“I’m so sorry!” Barrymore continues, laughing through it all. “Do you feel this?!” she says, placing Aniston’s hand just below her neck. “Or maybe I’m just excited!”

@drewbarrymore I either had my first perimenopause hot flash or got really exciting! Maybe both? @thedrewbarrymoreshow ♬ original sound - Drew Barrymore

Sandler, then reaching for Barrymore’s palm, assures her, “Yeah you got a hot hand.”

“Well, I’m so glad I have this moment documented!” Barrymore exclaims.

One viewer on TikTok gushed, “I don’t know that I have ever heard a celebrity talk about a hot flash in the moment. Thank you for being so real.”

Another echoed, “Drew, we have a whole generation (X) entering the change. Let’s normalize it. Just wait until you’re soaked with sweat, then cold lol.”

One person commented on the exchange between Aniston and Barrymore, noting how refreshing it was to see two “beautiful, authentic, powerful women my own age to look up to.”

Only a week prior, Barrymore had again been an unofficial spokeswoman for perimenopause when she sat down with Gayle King of “CBS Mornings” to share more of her personal experiences, including having a period “every two weeks.”

"One doctor also just told me this could last, in the worst-case scenario, 10 years. And I was like, ‘I will never make it 10 years like this!’" she told King.

@cbsmornings How did Drew Barrymore know she was in perimenopause? She tells Gayle King and Nikki Battiste one of the main symptoms she experienced. Watch their full conversation tomorrow on #CBSMornings. #drewbarrymore #gayleking #menopause #perimenopause #fertility #health ♬ original sound - CBS Mornings


Considering that every woman who lives past their 40s will probably go through at least some version of this—even earlier, for some—one would think that there should be more conversations about this pivotal life chapter. Maybe then it wouldn’t be so daunting.

Or at the very least, there might be less stigma around it. As Barrymore eloquently put it in her interview, “The way menopause has been branded is, 'You're old, you're done.' That's not it." Instead, she feels that in reality, "more women in their 40s, 50s, and 60s are looking so attractive, feeling so vibrant, living their best lives.”

Imagine that—life getting better as you grow older. What a radical thought.


This article originally appeared on 3.30.23