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menopause

What if middle-aged women are just discovering their superpowers?

The social media era has had its pitfalls, but some positives have come from it as well. One benefit of people publicly sharing their lives is that it's opened up conversations about things we didn't openly talk about before. If you have a physical or mental health issue, you can now easily find a community of people with shared experiences instead of feeling alone or isolated in your struggles.

Perimenopause has become a big topic of discussion online, and it's making so many middle-aged women feel less alone in the wild ride that it is. The years preceding menopause are rife with dozens of potential symptoms that suddenly come out of nowhere and stay for an undetermined amount of time. Not just hot flashes, which everyone knows about, but random things like itching all over, joint pain, brain fog, frozen shoulder, sleep disturbances, slowed metabolism, irritability, anxiety, and more. The hormonal shift is powerful and impacts everything.

hot flash, menopause, perimenopause, perimenopause symptoms, women, middle age Hot flashes? How about "power surges"?Photo credit: Canva

It's hard for women who are going through "the change" to explain it. But unexpectedly, there's a man who's given an incredibly empowering description of perimenopause.

He lays it all out in a video captioned "YOUR MIDLIFE WIFE IS WONDER-WOMAN" that's gone viral for just the right reasons.

"So your partner, she's going through her midlife 'reset,'" Michael Hunter (@uspiral.life) begins, speaking to partners of women in this stage. "The hot flash years, and you think she's being a little moody, snapping more than usual, forgetful, foggy, fried. Congratulations, because you're not witnessing her fall apart. You're witnessing her upgrade."

And every middle-aged woman's ears just perked up.



"Welcome to the divine demolition phase of her existence," he continued. "'Cause everything that doesn't serve her? Her hormones are throwing that in the fire. Compliance? Burned. People pleasing? Torched. Tolerance for your nonsense? Ashes. She's not becoming unstable. She's becoming unavailable for the roles, the rules, and the rhythms that were never designed for her power."

PREACH, SIR. (I mean, please continue, by all means.)

"So check it," he goes on, "her estrogen is dropping, which means her capacity to sacrifice herself is silently plummeting, too. And the hormones that once kept her agreeable? They're packing their bags. She's no longer chemically encouraged to make you feel safe at her own expense. And you're calling that a problem? It's a wake-up call.

menopause, perimenopause, perimenopause symptoms, women, middle age Perimenopause is a wake-up call. Giphy

"Her nervous system is recalibrating. Her brain is rewiring. And her body is asking better questions, like, 'Why am I carrying this marriage?' 'Why do I say yes when I mean hell no?' and 'Why is everyone around me so damn loud and needy?'"

Seriously, who is this guy?

"She's not being hormonal," he says, "She's being clairvoyant. She's finally seeing through the performance, the politics, and the pressure. She's deleting what no longer aligns, and she's upgrading to a new operating system: Truth 3.0 with zero buffer time for B.S.

"This is your opportunity to rise along with her, man. This is your opportunity to grow. So next time you catch her looking like might spontaneously combust, don't flinch. Witness her. Because if you can survive the fire, you might just get to meet the woman who she was always meant to be."

menopause, perimenopause, perimenopause symptoms, women, middle age, wonder woman Menopausal woman discover their superpowers.Photo credit: Canva

Ordinarily, a man explaining perimenopause would have us all rolling our eyes and tossing around the word "mansplain," but Hunter received the social media equivalent of standing ovation in the comments from women who finally felt seen in his words:

"Omg who are you and where have you been all our lives?!? Thank you on behalf of all of us…can you come speak to my kids next??😂🔥🙌"

"Who are you? 😂 we like you (a lot) and nominate you our midlife spokesperson!!! ❤️🙌"

"The first time I have truly loved a man explaining something that happens to a woman. GO : Ladies send to your husbands and get those husbands to send it to all their friends. 🙌🙌"

"You just became the sexiest man ALIVE! Knowledge applied correctly….sexy!😍💯👏❤️"

"Your words made me tear up, so powerful thank you 🙌"

standing ovation, thank you, good job, menopause explanation, perimenopause Standing ovation for Michael Hunter Giphy GIF by Film Independent Spirit Awards

"Thanks for making us feel normal instead of washed up goods. I find it hilarious learning that menopause is why I can no longer tolerate ANY amount of BS😂 it’s been like a light switch. I feel like I just woke up one day & decided I was done with so much crap that I’ve tolerated in the past…I appreciate the positive spin he puts on this! Blessings my fellow menopause-ers!!"

"That has to be the best and most kind description of menopause I've ever heard. Fantastic. 😍"

"You couldn’t have said it better. It’s nice to hear a man have this perspective."

Someone even nominated Hunter to be an honorary member of the We Do Not Care Club. (Explained here, if you don't know.)

In all seriousness, though, the way he describes what's happening at this stage of life is spot on and such a refreshingly different way of perceiving it than we glean from society. And the fact that it's coming from a man is a strange kind of relief—like we don't have to try to explain ourselves because someone outside of it gets it.

Rock on, Michael Hunter. Thanks for the morale boost and for the education of our loved ones.

You can follow @upspiral.life on Instagram for more.

Photo by Ali Mkumbwa on Unsplash

A woman looks annoyed in her car.

There's something exciting happening for menopausal and perimenopausal women. (Now there's a sentence you don't see often.) Ready? Here it is: discussing menopause is becoming normalized. We might even take it a step further and say—celebrating menopause is becoming normalized.

Back in the day, this very topic, which eventually affects about half of the world's population (that's over four billion people for those counting) was merely called, "The Change." Women were often too embarrassed to discuss their very real symptoms caused by a drop in estrogen and other hormones. I recall my mom having a hot flash and later crying in the car from embarrassment. Then she cried more because she was crying in the first place.

hot flash, menopause, rue mcclanahan, menopausal symptoms, hormones Rue McClanahan sprays herself during a hot flash. Giphy NBC

Though studies continue evolving on how to tackle these symptoms and overall women's health, talking about them now has become quite popular. And it's awesome.

One woman, Melani Sanders, is actually building an entire online village around normalizing menopause, to the delight of many. Going by the name @justbeingmelani, she has over one million followers on Instagram alone. The concept? Stop caring about what people think about your hormones. Stop caring about things that don't matter.

Calling it the "We Do Not Care" movement, she has tons of reels where she discusses hot flashes, forgetfulness, and other fun effects from the new normal. In one, she sits in her car behind a steering wheel and announces, "We're about to start a perimenopause/menopause club, okay, and it's gonna be called the 'We Do Not Care' club." She then proclaims, "Listen to the acronym - We…do…not…care. W -D - N- C. That's the name of our club. And we don't care."

She further explains, "Let me tell y'all what that means. That means like right now, I just came from the grocery store. Baby, I got on the too little sports bra, okay, cuz I couldn't find no bra. This is all I have and guess what? I don't care. W-D-N-C. I do not care! Okay? And you know when the bra be too little, everything is hanging to one side. That is my situation, and I don't care. I do not care. And it's funny, but it's not funny because for real, this is what's in my head."

She gives another example of her incredibly inspiring apathy. She pats her hair, which is pulled back. "Look at this. I could have put some Edge Control on. No I don't. No, I'm not. I don't gotta put on no Edge Control and I'm not gonna do that."

She then urges the community to leave word in the comment section about the things THEY don't care about. "Everybody in the comments, let's all talk about what we don't are about today, okay? So today, I do not care that I don’t have no real bra on. And I do not care that I don't have Edge Control in my hair. I don't care. That's it. That's the story. Period, point blank, period, poo."

The comments were direct and electric. The first commenter declares, "I do not care that what my roommates eat tonight aka (kids &husband) I’m eating dry cereal out the box." This comment alone has around 8000 likes and counting. Another writes, "We do not care that it's 11:00am and we still in pajamas." Another writes, "I do not care that I used cornstarch this morning as a dry shampoo and now the sweat running down my neck is white. I do not care."

Some people got more serious, saying, "I don't care about being in a relationship."

And this one spoke to many of us: "I don’t care that I walked into a room and don’t remember why I entered the room. I will remember on my own time."

Women's Health

Husband shares 'tips' for men with perimenopausal wives and it's totally spot on

"Any form of heavy breathing, particularly from the nostrils, is now out of bounds. Things like this could quite literally get you killed."

Perimenopause is not joke, but these tips are hilarious.

In recent years, the long-neglected period of female life known as perimenopause has finally gotten the attention it deserves. Menopause most people knew about. The decade or so preceding it, when women's bodies go haywire in a hundred different ways due to hormonal fluctuations, not so much.

You know it when you experience it, though. It's super fun playing a constant game of "Am I dying or is it just perimenopause?" Random symptoms ranging from the somewhat expected hot flashes and irregular periods to the totally unexpected insomnia, irritability, and itching all over just show up out of nowhere. Ten pounds move in like squatters in your mid-section, refusing to leave even when you try to kick them out. The body you've lived in for decades suddenly feels foreign and your brain feels like it's trying to reign in a tornado of physical, mental, and emotional upheaval.

perimenopause, menopause, mid-life, women's health, humorPerimenopause comes with all kinds of random symptoms.Photo credit: Canva

All of this is super easy for our families to deal with, of course. Ha ha.

While we women bear the brunt of the perimenopause bombardment, our loved ones do get hit by the shrapnel. And there's little question that our spouses get most of the collateral damage, which is why a husband's video with advice for men with perimenopausal wives is hitting home. The creator @mitch.little.academy explains that his wife is currently in perimenopause and he wants to share some tips that he's learned with his peers.

"Tip No. 1: Snacks. Don't be messing around with the snacks in the house," he says. "These are no longer yours. Your partner is very up to date with the snack inventory, and if there's one left in the fridge, this does not belong to you, for safety reasons."

@mitch.little.academy

Some tips for the blokes


Next tip: "You have to be quieter about everything that you do. Any form of heavy breathing, particularly from the nostrils, is now out of bounds. Things like this could quite literally get you killed."

"I suggest, if possible, thinking quieter is ideal," he continues. "Even sounds like blinking, which we didn't even know was a thing, is something that you should avoid doing or learn not to do."

He goes on to suggest that husbands "just say 'sorry'" upon waking, even if you don't know what you're sorry for, definitely don't tell her that your core temperature is "comfortable and ideal" when she tells you she's hot, and other such life-saving advice.

insomnia, irritability, perimenopause, women's health. spouseInsomnia and irritability aren't the best perimenopausal combo.Photo credit: Canva

The video is tongue-in-cheek, of course, but he does add a touch of seriousness, acknowledging that perimenopause genuinely is a lot to be going through.

"Did you [know] that suicide and divorce rates are at the highest for females between the age of 35 and 50?" he wrote on Facebook. "Perimenopause is an extremely tough time for a female. I'm no expert, but I'm learning. All I'll say is 'I hear you.' Maybe more conversations can help spread awareness."

Awareness is great, but so is humor, honestly. We have to be able to laugh at this wild stage of life, otherwise we'll cry. Perimenopausal women in the comments appear to agree, appreciating these "tips" for their hubbies:

"OMFG I can’t stop laughing, I’m 12 yrs (of hell) with this crap! Sending your partner hugs and please keep the awareness going, along with the humour!"

"Spot on!! Our marriage nearly ends nightly due to the opening and rustling of packets of food."

"Haha! Peeling paint with the snoring gets me. I'm laying there wide awake at 2 am thinking well I guess I'll get up and do some yoga or put a pillow on his face. Yoga is a better option, it's saved a life a few nights!"

menopause, perimenopause, women's health, women, spouseMenopause is on its way.Giphy GIF by Better Things

"For me it was loud chewing during dinner and the strapping of utensils on the dinner plate. The kids didn’t bother me but my husband…well poor man."

"You didn’t talk about the ear itching! Why didn’t You talk ABOUT THE EAR ITCHING! Now I need to yell at my husband because you missed the ear itching."

"Thank you! It is so recognizable. My husband is still the culprit I am extremely irritated by his behavior, which I never really bothered about before. I am already through pre-memopause and probably at the end, but I am still a volcano that erupts in the morning and at times I feel terribly unhappy. I am bothered by people in general and want them all to disappear.It is a bit less now that I am 60, but I can well imagine that women think about suicide and divorce during that period. I am glad that there is more openness and that it is taken seriously. Thanks again! Love your humor!"

"My husband will ask me do you love me or hate me today and I say no I hate you today but you’ve not done anything wrong it’s not you and he will say ok I’ll go out the back to play with the pigeons. You just have to be understanding about it. Good communication."

In all seriousness, perimenopause sucks. It's good for us all to have a sense of humor about it to ease the angst and pain.

Internet

Women expose the reality of perimenopausal brain fog resulting in humorously relatable anecdotes

"I forgot the word 'toiletries' and ended up saying 'human condiments'."

Women expose the hilarious reality of perimenopausal brain fog

One thing that people are becoming increasingly familiar with whether they want to or not is perimenopause. This refers to the several years to a decade before someone reaches full blown menopause, which is marked by 12 consecutive months without menstruation. One of the reasons people are much more aware of the biological condition is because of women like Ari who is speaking openly about her experiences with perimenopause.

In a recent video, Ari, who goes by @Ari_Darling on social media, shared the frustrating experience of perimenopause related brain fog and forgetfulness. Upon sharing an amusing video of her seemingly starting to say something and forgetting what she was saying, women flocked to share their own stories of the phenomenon.

forgetfulness, perimenopause, pre menopause, brain fog, women's health What was I doing again?Photo credit: Canva

Brain fog and forgetfulness are common symptoms of perimenopause that can make someone feel as if they're developing a serious illness. It can be scary at times when the moments go from forgetting why you walked into a room to something that feels more serious, like forgetting words you use frequently and floundering while your brain searches for a placeholder.

Dr. Hadine Joffe, executive director of the Connors Center for Women's Health and Gender Biology at Brigham and Women's ­Hospital and a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, tells Harvard Women's Health Watch that decreasing estrogen is the culprit to perimenopausal brain fog and is usually one of the first indications that hormone levels have changed. "We don't know why this happens, because many things are happening across the menopause transition along with the drop in estrogen," Joffe tells the publication.

@ari__darling

I can’t believe how bad it is. We need to talk about this more. #perimenopause #forget #words

No matter the reason people experience brain fog, it's pretty safe to assume that everyone going through it finds it to be quite annoying. In the moment it may be irritating and a little frightening but once it has passed and the panic has subdued, the inconvenient brain glitches can be amusing. That's exactly what the women who found Ari's video bonded over–the hilarity that comes with brain fog and all the wild things their brain shoved out of their mouths when they couldn't remember simple words.

One woman was simply mortified when she couldn't remember an everyday phrase: "I couldn't remember 'flight attendant' but knew 'stewardess' was not pc, I could only remember that it was 2 words....I came up with "space waitress.' fml"

flight attendant, stewardess, brain fog, forgetfulness, perimenopauseA space waitress at work. Photo credit: Canva

It's always a good day when potatoes have babies according to this woman's word flub: "The other day I was trying to think of the word “tater tots” and I asked my husband to get the potato children."

You know, maybe we should petition for this particular change: "Couldn’t remember 'A-list' celebrities. Instead said “this movie has a lot of name brand actors”

Well, you probably don't want to say this to an elderly relative: "Yep, i pulled out "coffin parking lot" the other day when I couldn't remember cemetery."

cemetery, coffin, brain fog, forgetfulness, funny wordsWaking Up Funeral GIFGiphy

"I forgot the word 'toiletries' and ended up saying 'human condiments,'" another shared. Who needs different words when lotion is essentially like like ketchup for your legs? Same thing, right?

"Asking for tongs in the kitchen. My brain throws out food tweezers. I used to be a chef," said another woman. You can still be a chef and use food tweezers. This is a judgement free zone.

Listen, words are hard sometimes and having hormonal fluctuations that make you forget what keys are called doesn't make it any easier. Thankfully, women no longer have to suffer in silence thinking they're alone in their struggles. Thanks to social media, women from all over the world have a better understanding of perimenopause because others refuse to adhere to the idea that "the change" is something private. If you're going through brain fog and forgetfulness related to perimenopause, rest assured you have an entire group of people experiencing the same thing and they're more than happy to commiserate with you.