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Husband shares 'tips' for men with perimenopausal wives and it's totally spot on

"Any form of heavy breathing, particularly from the nostrils, is now out of bounds. Things like this could quite literally get you killed."

Photo credit: Canva

Perimenopause is not joke, but these tips are hilarious.

In recent years, the long-neglected period of female life known as perimenopause has finally gotten the attention it deserves. Menopause most people knew about. The decade or so preceding it, when women's bodies go haywire in a hundred different ways due to hormonal fluctuations, not so much.

You know it when you experience it, though. It's super fun playing a constant game of "Am I dying or is it just perimenopause?" Random symptoms ranging from the somewhat expected hot flashes and irregular periods to the totally unexpected insomnia, irritability, and itching all over just show up out of nowhere. Ten pounds move in like squatters in your mid-section, refusing to leave even when you try to kick them out. The body you've lived in for decades suddenly feels foreign and your brain feels like it's trying to reign in a tornado of physical, mental, and emotional upheaval.

perimenopause, menopause, mid-life, women's health, humorPerimenopause comes with all kinds of random symptoms.Photo credit: Canva

All of this is super easy for our families to deal with, of course. Ha ha.

While we women bear the brunt of the perimenopause bombardment, our loved ones do get hit by the shrapnel. And there's little question that our spouses get most of the collateral damage, which is why a husband's video with advice for men with perimenopausal wives is hitting home. The creator @mitch.little.academy explains that his wife is currently in perimenopause and he wants to share some tips that he's learned with his peers.

"Tip No. 1: Snacks. Don't be messing around with the snacks in the house," he says. "These are no longer yours. Your partner is very up to date with the snack inventory, and if there's one left in the fridge, this does not belong to you, for safety reasons."

@mitch.little.academy

Some tips for the blokes


Next tip: "You have to be quieter about everything that you do. Any form of heavy breathing, particularly from the nostrils, is now out of bounds. Things like this could quite literally get you killed."

"I suggest, if possible, thinking quieter is ideal," he continues. "Even sounds like blinking, which we didn't even know was a thing, is something that you should avoid doing or learn not to do."

He goes on to suggest that husbands "just say 'sorry'" upon waking, even if you don't know what you're sorry for, definitely don't tell her that your core temperature is "comfortable and ideal" when she tells you she's hot, and other such life-saving advice.

insomnia, irritability, perimenopause, women's health. spouseInsomnia and irritability aren't the best perimenopausal combo.Photo credit: Canva

The video is tongue-in-cheek, of course, but he does add a touch of seriousness, acknowledging that perimenopause genuinely is a lot to be going through.

"Did you [know] that suicide and divorce rates are at the highest for females between the age of 35 and 50?" he wrote on Facebook. "Perimenopause is an extremely tough time for a female. I'm no expert, but I'm learning. All I'll say is 'I hear you.' Maybe more conversations can help spread awareness."

Awareness is great, but so is humor, honestly. We have to be able to laugh at this wild stage of life, otherwise we'll cry. Perimenopausal women in the comments appear to agree, appreciating these "tips" for their hubbies:

"OMFG I can’t stop laughing, I’m 12 yrs (of hell) with this crap! Sending your partner hugs and please keep the awareness going, along with the humour!"

"Spot on!! Our marriage nearly ends nightly due to the opening and rustling of packets of food."

"Haha! Peeling paint with the snoring gets me. I'm laying there wide awake at 2 am thinking well I guess I'll get up and do some yoga or put a pillow on his face. Yoga is a better option, it's saved a life a few nights!"

menopause, perimenopause, women's health, women, spouseMenopause is on its way.Giphy GIF by Better Things

"For me it was loud chewing during dinner and the strapping of utensils on the dinner plate. The kids didn’t bother me but my husband…well poor man."

"You didn’t talk about the ear itching! Why didn’t You talk ABOUT THE EAR ITCHING! Now I need to yell at my husband because you missed the ear itching."

"Thank you! It is so recognizable. My husband is still the culprit I am extremely irritated by his behavior, which I never really bothered about before. I am already through pre-memopause and probably at the end, but I am still a volcano that erupts in the morning and at times I feel terribly unhappy. I am bothered by people in general and want them all to disappear.It is a bit less now that I am 60, but I can well imagine that women think about suicide and divorce during that period. I am glad that there is more openness and that it is taken seriously. Thanks again! Love your humor!"

"My husband will ask me do you love me or hate me today and I say no I hate you today but you’ve not done anything wrong it’s not you and he will say ok I’ll go out the back to play with the pigeons. You just have to be understanding about it. Good communication."

In all seriousness, perimenopause sucks. It's good for us all to have a sense of humor about it to ease the angst and pain.

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Animals & Wildlife

Turns out menopause might be an evolutionary trait to ensure the survival of a species

Only a few mammals live beyond child bearing years and human females are one of them.

Photo credit: Canva

Menopause might be evolutionary for human survival

Menopause can seem like one of those unfair things that only happen to those born with female reproductive systems. It's just one more thing to add to the list of things that those born of the opposite sex don't have to deal with. Menstrual cycles, hormonal and physical changes through pregnancy, the pain and recovery of childbirth, the pause in your career while caring for an infant, only to hit crescendo with menopause.

All those hormones that helped keep you balanced go careening off a cliff in the endocrine system. The whole process can feel unnecessary for those forced to experience it but there may be a reason menopause exists. Scientists have studied the phenomenon of menopause across different species. Turns out not every female animal goes through the process of shutting down reproductive organs.

For most animals, they reproduce until death, only experiencing menopause if there's something medically wrong or they're kept in captivity. Only three species of mammals live for a significant amount of time post reproductive years, orcas, short-finned pilot whales and humans. This revelation is what spurred "the grandmother hypothesis," which hypothesizes that these female mammal species live longer to ensure survival of the species.

blue and white whales Photo by NOAA on Unsplash

Both species of whales as well as humans assist their daughters in caring for their children. This allows the daughter to have more children, furthering the respective species. Yes, even whales help take care of their grandchildren by providing them food, which frees up their mother to reproduce sooner.

The Grandmother Effect, a 2009 study published in the National Library of Medicine shares, "women who remained vigorous beyond their fertile years may have enhanced their reproductive success by providing care for their grandchildren. This care would have enabled their daughters to resume reproduction sooner, endowing them with greater lifetime fertility. Genes of grandmothers possessing such old-age vigor would be more likely to persist in subsequent generations."

Short-finned Pilot Whale (Globicephala macrorhynchus) | Flickrwww.flickr.com

There were studies done on chimps as well since they're the closest animal to humans and the results were surprising. The majority of chimpanzees reproduce until death but Ngogo chimps seem to go through menopause around the same age as humans, 50. Ngogo chimps live several years after reproducing but unlike humans and whales, they have no interest in helping raise their grandchildren. In fact, the daughters move away from their mothers once they reach maturity.

Though the study spanned from 1995-2016 to collect accurate data through urine analysis of reproductive hormones, scientists point out that menopause may not naturally occur in Ngogo chimps. While the chimps are technically wild, they live in the Kibale National Park in Uganda. They are not hunted by prey, have an unnatural access to quality foods including more meat. Outside of the national park, nearby chimps don't live beyond 50 while the ones within the park live into their 60s.

woman wearing multicolored blanket hugging the baby Photo by Rahul Vaidya on Unsplash

The Ngogo chimps living an unnaturally long life inside the national park may explain why their familial behavior differs from those of humans and the two whale species. One study outside of the Demographic and hormonal evidence for menopause in wild chimpanzees attempts to debunk the grandmother hypothesis which shows nearly all mammals living beyond child bearing years but other scientists dispute their findings as all the animals studied were living in captivity, which greatly impacts lifespan.

In the 2018 study published in Ecology and Evolution, their study of 52 mammals holds firm that only three live beyond menopause, with humans spending 40-70% of their lives post menopause. So, though the grandmother hypothesis is still just that as scientists continue to look for further evidence, it may just be true. Humans have evolved to experience menopause to help further the species and since women live longer than men on average, it doesn't seem like a far leap. No pressure or anything, grandmas. No pressure at all. Just the survival of the human race, no biggie.

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Joy

'Here Comes Menopause' Christmas song parody hits home for Gen X women

Nailed it.

Image Credit: The Holderness Family/TikTok

A Christmas song parody for the women of Gen X.

Most of us grow up hearing enough about menopause to understand the very basics of it. Periods stop. Hot flashes happen. Hormones are involved. For most of us, that's about the extent of what we ever learn about what happens during that transitional period of a woman's life. The details of what exactly menopause entails go largely unspoken and unacknowledged, leaving women in their 40s unprepared for years of wondering what the heck is happening to their bodies and minds as they careen toward their 50s.

Perimenopause, the period of time preceding actual menopause, is when all the fun starts. A random sprinkling of symptoms you had no idea were coming suddenly show up, throwing your whole world into disarray—and the chaos lasts for years. Women going through it know that if you don't laugh about it, you'll cry. So, thankfully the chaos has been accurately and hilariously captured by Penn and Kim Holderness in a parody Christmas song medley.

With parodies of "Here Comes Santa Claus," "Sleigh Ride," "Santa Claus is Comin' To Town," "Little Drummer Boy," and "O Christmas Tree," the Holdernesses tackle the forgetfulness, sleeplessness, moodiness, hair thinning, doctor gaslighting and more that comes with perimenopause.

Merry Perimenopause 🎅🏼

Oh HRT, oh HRT. Hormone replacement therapy 🎶

Watch:

@theholdernessfamily

Oh HRT, oh HRT. Hormone replacement therapy 🎶 #perimenopause #christmas

As they so often do, the Holdernesses hit the nail on the head with this parody, and it has Gen X women everywhere cheering.

"The new Gen X female anthem."

"As someone that works in an OBGYN office, I have officially requested this to be added to the waiting room playlist 😂"

"I nearly dropped my coffee-😂-he’s gaslighting you! Love it🤣 I’m rolling!"

"Omg love this! One thing you didn’t mention, the weight gain that comes out of nowhere and will not come off!!!"

"I’m impressed that no one was hurt in the recording of this video. 🤣🤣🤣"

"I have never felt more seen. 💜"

"This is an excellent contribution to society in all the ways 👏👏👏"

"I am so grateful to be going through this hell in a time where we are free to talk/sing about it!'

And there's the one upside to going through perimenopause in the 2020s—people are finally actually talking about it openly, honestly and publicly. Sure, women have always shared their experiences with one another in private conversations, but when you don't have a large enough sampling, it's hard to know what to expect. Doctors are often no help, either dismissing or diminishing your symptoms, telling you they are some version of "normal" or just giving an unhelpful, "Huh, that's weird" and leaving it at that.

To be fair, the symptoms that can come along with perimenopause are vast and varied. We expect the hot flashes and the moodiness, perhaps, but there are super off-the-wall things like dry eyes and ears, shoulder pain, itching all over that no one would logically associate with menopause. So it's understandable that doctors might not know what to do with all the perimenopausal possibilities. And since estrogen levels fluctuate unevenly during perimenopause, it's not always as simple as "get your hormones checked." Some women have a clear hormonal drop and find hormone replacement therapy a lifesaver. Some women experience all kinds of perimenopausal symptoms while never having an abnormal hormone test. A lot of perimenopausal management feels like shooting in the dark.

But hey, at least we have more information than our mothers and grandmothers did and a culture where we can make fun of our mid-life woes with parody videos like this one.

You can follow The Holderness Family on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook and YouTube.


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Health

Menopause advocate shares 5 big perimenopause symptoms that blindside women in their 40s

OMG the itching.

Photo credit: Canva

Shoulder pain is a symptom of perimenopause?! Yep, can be.

Living in a female body is wild. There's the whole period thing to begin with. Then, for many of us, there's the pregnancy and childbirth thing that pushes your body to its limits. And then there's the menopausal stage where you get to say goodbye to periods forever. Yay!

But between those last two is a phase that has been woefully neglected by clinical research and is only now starting to get the attention it deserves. Perimenopause happens in the years prior to actual menopause. Filled with super special symptoms that seemingly come out of nowhere, perimenopause can make you feel as if you've moved into an entirely different body. Most women experience perimenopause in their 40s, though it can start as early as the mid-30s, and is something all women should be aware of.

Author and former news anchor Tamsen Fadal shared five perimenopause symptoms she wish she'd known about in her 40s on Instagram, and so many women resonated with it.


The symptoms she shared were:

1. Weight gain

It's very strange to suddenly have your baseline weight go up by 10 pounds when you didn't change anything about your diet or exercise routine. It's also strange to suddenly gain weight in parts of your body that you never previously gained weight.

"I suddenly looked in the mirror and didn't recognize my body despite changing nothing about my routine," Fadal wrote.

"I was probably in perimenopause for ten years and just thought I was going crazy. And that I was lazy and the weight gain was all my fault," shared one woman. "If only I’d known."

"Looking at food and gaining weight is not fun 😭," quipped another.

2. Sudden Anxiety

Even women who aren't prone to anxiety can start experiencing anxiety symptoms during perimenopause. And those who already deal with it can find themselves feeling anxious at a whole new level.

"I felt like I was losing my mind and no doctor was giving me a straight answer which made my anxiety through the roof," wrote Fadal.

"The freaking anxiety rocked my world 😢" shared one woman.

"I've always been anxious. What I'm noticing is now it's gotten worse and I'm feeling paranoid, crazy," wrote another.

3. Itchy skin

This one is weird and not something anyone talks about until all of a sudden you and everyone your age talks about wanting to scratch their skin off.

"Not only was my skin SO dry, it felt like I had little electric shocks underneath my skin at the most odd times," Fadal shared.

"The itchy skin is not talked about enough! Sometimes I just can’t stand it, I want to scream!"

"All.of.this!!!👏 add tinnitus, itchy ears and dry eyes to that list 🫠"


4. Irritability

Whether it's a symptom of its own or a side effect of the many other symptoms piling on is a legitimate question, but perimenopause can definitely make you want to bite someone's head off.

"The irritability isn’t something we talk about enough!" Fadal wrote. "It was like one day I woke up and suddenly I was moody over EVERYTHING and my patience was very, very low."

"I can be fine one moment then suddenly I hate everyone and want to go live in the forest by myself. Then that slides into sadness because we're all going to die. It's exhausting."

"Yes, I was very very irritable with most things that no patience whatsoever! My 15 year old son was like 'why are you always so angry?' That was something unusual of me and it was like a “wake up call” in a way that I realized I wasn’t just same and my body was always under fire with sleepless nights!"

5. Joint pain

Fadal shared that she had sudden pain in her shoulder and wasn't able to put her arm around someone for a picture. I went through about a year where I couldn't reach over to turn my bedside lamp on and off.

"The shoulder pain! So true."

"The joint pain! OMG. Started out of nowhere two weeks ago. Cannot lift arms up to get dressed and my hands are excruciating. It’s not a little bit sore… it’s a LOT sore."

"The shoulder pain out of nowhere is insane!!"

Of course, any symptoms that are concerning to you should be checked out by a medical professional and not just be assumed to be perimenopause. But what so many women shared is the same thing Fadal found when she started experiencing perimenopause symptoms—there's just not nearly enough information out there about it. That may seem shocking, considering the fact that women make up half the population and have been going through menopause for literally all of human history, but meaningful research on perimenopause really only began in the 1980s, and there's still so much that's not fully understood.

Fadal has been on a mission to get more and better information out to women about perimenopause and menopause since she had her first anxiety attack and hot flash live on the air in 2019, which left her shaking on the bathroom floor. Her book, "How to Menopause," is coming out in March of 2025 and she has co-created a documentary, "The M Factor," that will air on PBS on October 17, 2024.


Perimenopause feels impossible to prepare for, but knowledge is power and the more we understand about what's happening with our bodies and what we might expect, the more equipped we will feel when our time comes.

You can follow Tamsen Fadal on Instagram for more about menopause and perimenopause.


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