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women's health

What if middle-aged women are just discovering their superpowers?

The social media era has had its pitfalls, but some positives have come from it as well. One benefit of people publicly sharing their lives is that it's opened up conversations about things we didn't openly talk about before. If you have a physical or mental health issue, you can now easily find a community of people with shared experiences instead of feeling alone or isolated in your struggles.

Perimenopause has become a big topic of discussion online, and it's making so many middle-aged women feel less alone in the wild ride that it is. The years preceding menopause are rife with dozens of potential symptoms that suddenly come out of nowhere and stay for an undetermined amount of time. Not just hot flashes, which everyone knows about, but random things like itching all over, joint pain, brain fog, frozen shoulder, sleep disturbances, slowed metabolism, irritability, anxiety, and more. The hormonal shift is powerful and impacts everything.

hot flash, menopause, perimenopause, perimenopause symptoms, women, middle age Hot flashes? How about "power surges"?Photo credit: Canva

It's hard for women who are going through "the change" to explain it. But unexpectedly, there's a man who's given an incredibly empowering description of perimenopause.

He lays it all out in a video captioned "YOUR MIDLIFE WIFE IS WONDER-WOMAN" that's gone viral for just the right reasons.

"So your partner, she's going through her midlife 'reset,'" Michael Hunter (@uspiral.life) begins, speaking to partners of women in this stage. "The hot flash years, and you think she's being a little moody, snapping more than usual, forgetful, foggy, fried. Congratulations, because you're not witnessing her fall apart. You're witnessing her upgrade."

And every middle-aged woman's ears just perked up.



"Welcome to the divine demolition phase of her existence," he continued. "'Cause everything that doesn't serve her? Her hormones are throwing that in the fire. Compliance? Burned. People pleasing? Torched. Tolerance for your nonsense? Ashes. She's not becoming unstable. She's becoming unavailable for the roles, the rules, and the rhythms that were never designed for her power."

PREACH, SIR. (I mean, please continue, by all means.)

"So check it," he goes on, "her estrogen is dropping, which means her capacity to sacrifice herself is silently plummeting, too. And the hormones that once kept her agreeable? They're packing their bags. She's no longer chemically encouraged to make you feel safe at her own expense. And you're calling that a problem? It's a wake-up call.

menopause, perimenopause, perimenopause symptoms, women, middle age Perimenopause is a wake-up call. Giphy

"Her nervous system is recalibrating. Her brain is rewiring. And her body is asking better questions, like, 'Why am I carrying this marriage?' 'Why do I say yes when I mean hell no?' and 'Why is everyone around me so damn loud and needy?'"

Seriously, who is this guy?

"She's not being hormonal," he says, "She's being clairvoyant. She's finally seeing through the performance, the politics, and the pressure. She's deleting what no longer aligns, and she's upgrading to a new operating system: Truth 3.0 with zero buffer time for B.S.

"This is your opportunity to rise along with her, man. This is your opportunity to grow. So next time you catch her looking like might spontaneously combust, don't flinch. Witness her. Because if you can survive the fire, you might just get to meet the woman who she was always meant to be."

menopause, perimenopause, perimenopause symptoms, women, middle age, wonder woman Menopausal woman discover their superpowers.Photo credit: Canva

Ordinarily, a man explaining perimenopause would have us all rolling our eyes and tossing around the word "mansplain," but Hunter received the social media equivalent of standing ovation in the comments from women who finally felt seen in his words:

"Omg who are you and where have you been all our lives?!? Thank you on behalf of all of us…can you come speak to my kids next??😂🔥🙌"

"Who are you? 😂 we like you (a lot) and nominate you our midlife spokesperson!!! ❤️🙌"

"The first time I have truly loved a man explaining something that happens to a woman. GO : Ladies send to your husbands and get those husbands to send it to all their friends. 🙌🙌"

"You just became the sexiest man ALIVE! Knowledge applied correctly….sexy!😍💯👏❤️"

"Your words made me tear up, so powerful thank you 🙌"

standing ovation, thank you, good job, menopause explanation, perimenopause Standing ovation for Michael Hunter Giphy GIF by Film Independent Spirit Awards

"Thanks for making us feel normal instead of washed up goods. I find it hilarious learning that menopause is why I can no longer tolerate ANY amount of BS😂 it’s been like a light switch. I feel like I just woke up one day & decided I was done with so much crap that I’ve tolerated in the past…I appreciate the positive spin he puts on this! Blessings my fellow menopause-ers!!"

"That has to be the best and most kind description of menopause I've ever heard. Fantastic. 😍"

"You couldn’t have said it better. It’s nice to hear a man have this perspective."

Someone even nominated Hunter to be an honorary member of the We Do Not Care Club. (Explained here, if you don't know.)

In all seriousness, though, the way he describes what's happening at this stage of life is spot on and such a refreshingly different way of perceiving it than we glean from society. And the fact that it's coming from a man is a strange kind of relief—like we don't have to try to explain ourselves because someone outside of it gets it.

Rock on, Michael Hunter. Thanks for the morale boost and for the education of our loved ones.

You can follow @upspiral.life on Instagram for more.

Women shock their boyfriends with tampon tutorials.

Menstrual taboos are as old as time and found across cultures. They've been used to separate women from men physically—menstrual huts are still a thing—and socially, by creating the perception that a natural bodily function is a sign of weakness. Even in today's world, women are deemed unfit for positions of power because some men actually believe they won't be able to handle stressful situations while mensurating.

"Menstruation is an opening for attack: a mark of shame, a sign of weakness, an argument to keep women out of positions of power,' Colin Schultz wrote in Popular Science in 2014. The big problem with menstrual taboos is the way that males are (or are not) educated on the subject leaves them with a patchwork of ideas that don't necessarily add up to the whole picture. First, there's the information they get from growing up with women in the house.

Then, there are the cryptic descriptions of menstruation seen in advertising and the cold, scientific way the topic is taught in sex education.

"Boys' early learning about menstruation is haphazard," a 2011 study published in the Journal of Family Issues reads. "The mysterious nature of what happens to girls contributes to a gap in boys' knowledge about female bodies and to some negative views about girls." Over a decade on from the study, and not much has changed. Men are still woefully undereducated on women's health and periods specifically, and, though there's acknowledgment they deserve more information and education, little progress has been made. In fact, boy's and men's misunderstanding or total lack of understanding surrounding menstruation is often played for laughs.

Unfortunately, the gaps in the average man's understanding of a complex female health issue can put women in a difficult position, whether it's denying them positions of power or a failure to understand their discomfort and their medical, physical, and emotional needs.

That's why it's so important for men to become better educated about menstruation.

A group of women on TikTok are helping the men in their lives better understand the subject by showing them how tampons work on the inside of their bodies. They call it the Boyfriend Challenge. Some of the guys' reactions are clearly over-the-top, but it's also obvious that many of them have no idea how tampons function.

A video by the Demery family has gone viral attracting nearly eight million views. It's fun to watch, but it also shows men how tampons function and what women go through during their monthly cycle.

@thedemeryfamily22

His reaction is priceless😂 #cutecouple #pregnant #prego #viral #InLove #couplegoals #trend #tampon

It's a bit of a facepalm moment that her man think he has to "compete" with a tampon after he's shown how it works, but I digress...

In another video, Rachel's man just uttered the phrase "vagina parachute." Sure, why not.

@mrshillery829

Of course I had to make my husband do this! I will forever call tampons “vagina parachutes”! LMAO!! #tamponchallenge #husbandpranks #funny #fyp


Paulina's man was completely flummoxed by the inner workings of a tampon. "You've been carrying this like, inside of you?" he asks. "The whole day?"

@paulinat

showing him how a tampôn works😭 @fabioguerrrraa

This guy thinks it's "like a butterfly."

@amanialzubi

showing my boyfriend how a tampon works 🤣😳❤️ ( @originalisrael ) #comedy #couple #couplegoals #foryou #trend #tiktok

This guy was in utter shock.

@thekelleyfamily

lmaoooo why 😂😭 #tamponchallenge #trend #hilariouscomedy #couple #married #foryoupage #fyp #xyzbca

Let's hope this challenge gave some men out there a better understanding of what women go through every month and a little more sympathy for the women in their lives. Hopefully it also makes them feel a little more comfortable around period products and inspires them to pick up the correct box of tampons next time they're at the grocery store.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

Women's Health

Husband shares 'tips' for men with perimenopausal wives and it's totally spot on

"Any form of heavy breathing, particularly from the nostrils, is now out of bounds. Things like this could quite literally get you killed."

Perimenopause is not joke, but these tips are hilarious.

In recent years, the long-neglected period of female life known as perimenopause has finally gotten the attention it deserves. Menopause most people knew about. The decade or so preceding it, when women's bodies go haywire in a hundred different ways due to hormonal fluctuations, not so much.

You know it when you experience it, though. It's super fun playing a constant game of "Am I dying or is it just perimenopause?" Random symptoms ranging from the somewhat expected hot flashes and irregular periods to the totally unexpected insomnia, irritability, and itching all over just show up out of nowhere. Ten pounds move in like squatters in your mid-section, refusing to leave even when you try to kick them out. The body you've lived in for decades suddenly feels foreign and your brain feels like it's trying to reign in a tornado of physical, mental, and emotional upheaval.

perimenopause, menopause, mid-life, women's health, humorPerimenopause comes with all kinds of random symptoms.Photo credit: Canva

All of this is super easy for our families to deal with, of course. Ha ha.

While we women bear the brunt of the perimenopause bombardment, our loved ones do get hit by the shrapnel. And there's little question that our spouses get most of the collateral damage, which is why a husband's video with advice for men with perimenopausal wives is hitting home. The creator @mitch.little.academy explains that his wife is currently in perimenopause and he wants to share some tips that he's learned with his peers.

"Tip No. 1: Snacks. Don't be messing around with the snacks in the house," he says. "These are no longer yours. Your partner is very up to date with the snack inventory, and if there's one left in the fridge, this does not belong to you, for safety reasons."

@mitch.little.academy

Some tips for the blokes


Next tip: "You have to be quieter about everything that you do. Any form of heavy breathing, particularly from the nostrils, is now out of bounds. Things like this could quite literally get you killed."

"I suggest, if possible, thinking quieter is ideal," he continues. "Even sounds like blinking, which we didn't even know was a thing, is something that you should avoid doing or learn not to do."

He goes on to suggest that husbands "just say 'sorry'" upon waking, even if you don't know what you're sorry for, definitely don't tell her that your core temperature is "comfortable and ideal" when she tells you she's hot, and other such life-saving advice.

insomnia, irritability, perimenopause, women's health. spouseInsomnia and irritability aren't the best perimenopausal combo.Photo credit: Canva

The video is tongue-in-cheek, of course, but he does add a touch of seriousness, acknowledging that perimenopause genuinely is a lot to be going through.

"Did you [know] that suicide and divorce rates are at the highest for females between the age of 35 and 50?" he wrote on Facebook. "Perimenopause is an extremely tough time for a female. I'm no expert, but I'm learning. All I'll say is 'I hear you.' Maybe more conversations can help spread awareness."

Awareness is great, but so is humor, honestly. We have to be able to laugh at this wild stage of life, otherwise we'll cry. Perimenopausal women in the comments appear to agree, appreciating these "tips" for their hubbies:

"OMFG I can’t stop laughing, I’m 12 yrs (of hell) with this crap! Sending your partner hugs and please keep the awareness going, along with the humour!"

"Spot on!! Our marriage nearly ends nightly due to the opening and rustling of packets of food."

"Haha! Peeling paint with the snoring gets me. I'm laying there wide awake at 2 am thinking well I guess I'll get up and do some yoga or put a pillow on his face. Yoga is a better option, it's saved a life a few nights!"

menopause, perimenopause, women's health, women, spouseMenopause is on its way.Giphy GIF by Better Things

"For me it was loud chewing during dinner and the strapping of utensils on the dinner plate. The kids didn’t bother me but my husband…well poor man."

"You didn’t talk about the ear itching! Why didn’t You talk ABOUT THE EAR ITCHING! Now I need to yell at my husband because you missed the ear itching."

"Thank you! It is so recognizable. My husband is still the culprit I am extremely irritated by his behavior, which I never really bothered about before. I am already through pre-memopause and probably at the end, but I am still a volcano that erupts in the morning and at times I feel terribly unhappy. I am bothered by people in general and want them all to disappear.It is a bit less now that I am 60, but I can well imagine that women think about suicide and divorce during that period. I am glad that there is more openness and that it is taken seriously. Thanks again! Love your humor!"

"My husband will ask me do you love me or hate me today and I say no I hate you today but you’ve not done anything wrong it’s not you and he will say ok I’ll go out the back to play with the pigeons. You just have to be understanding about it. Good communication."

In all seriousness, perimenopause sucks. It's good for us all to have a sense of humor about it to ease the angst and pain.

Three kinds of "baddie" moms.

One mom is giving the whole “take care of yourself first” adage a refreshingly cool spin. Her advice?

“Be a baddie first, and a mom second.”

In a clip posted to her TikTok, Mary Wilson (@theemarywilson) argued that "women who are baddies first and mother second are actually the best moms," since “moms who feel good about themselves are better mothers. When you take care of yourself first, you're better able to take care of your kids."

Sure, we’ve all heard the phrase "Put on your own oxygen mask first.” While the meaning behind this metaphor—the importance of self care taking precedence—is certainly true, it’s not quite as intriguing as being a “baddie,” is it? Because, let's be honest, who doesn't want to feel like a baddie?

@theemarywilson

Baddie 1st, mom 2nd #momlife #momsoftiktok #motherhood #mothersday

And of course, this can look different for everyone. As Wilson shared with Newsweek, her “baddie routine” consists of maintaining her hair and nails, making time for daily walks, watching her favorite reality shows, attending therapy, reading, and trying new hobbies. But for someone else, it might be reading a book, going to school, finding a rigorous workout class…the point is to do something that fills your cup, makes you feel good in your body (sexy, even!), and keeps you stimulated.

Basically, “Whatever makes you feel like a baddie, make sure you do it,” Wilson advised.

And of course, the added benefit—besides just feeling great—is the effect it’ll have on kids as well.

moms, motherhood, self care for moms, self care, kids, raising kids, mental health, wellbeing, women's health“Kids love to see their mothers happy. Your happy energy makes them happy."Photo credit: Canva

“Kids love to see their mothers happy. Your happy energy makes them happy,” said Wilson. Or, in other words, “a happy mother is a good mother.” Not to mention, "It also sets a great example for my child as he grows into adulthood knowing that self-worth and happiness matters," she told Newsweek.

Wilson’s video, which racked up over 270,000 views, seemed to really resonate with other moms.

“You should always be your child’s first example of what 'self love’ looks like," one person wrote.

Another shared, “I got pregnant again and wasn’t getting my hair/nails done etc. and when I finally did again my son was like who is thatttt. I won’t ever let myself go again!”

And, as one viewer noted, this concept is “100% scientifically proven.” Multiple studies have shown the correlation between mama’s wellbeing and that of her kiddos. One study from Harvard even showed that a mother’s warmth and happiness could literally predict her children’s emotional and social development.

moms, motherhood, self care for moms, self care, kids, raising kids, mental health, wellbeing, women's health“You should always be your child’s first example of what 'self love’ looks like."Photo credit: Canva

Of course, this should by no means make moms feel pressured to always put on a happy face in front of their children, but it does offer a kind reminder that self care takes care of more than just the self. Parenting means making sacrifices, sure, but more and more moms are choosing more for themselves than being martyrs and 24/7 caretakers. And lo and behold, it is not only possible, but beneficial—for moms, for kids, for everyone.

Hopefully this acts as your own personal permission slip to do whatever makes you feel like a baddie today, whether you're a mother or not.