Public speaking expert shares the 3 'magic' phrases that instantly make you more likable
It's all about being genuinely open and curious.
A woman speaking with two men at a party.
When we think of someone likable, we often imagine a person with a big personality who's the life of the party. We conjure up images of social butterflies and people who keep everyone at the dinner party glued to their every word when they tell a story. The funny thing is, according to research, that's not really the case.
Studies show that the easiest way to make someone like you is to show interest by asking questions during the conversation and making it clear that you like them. People also really love those who come off as genuine.
Michael Gendler, a co-founder of Ultraspeaking, a platform that helps people master the art of public speaking, recently shared three "magic" phrases that make you more likable, all of which align with what science tells us.
Three phrases that make you more likable
Phrase 1: "Here's what really scares me..."
This phrase resonates with people because it shows you're genuine by admitting your vulnerability. "Man, talk about your feats, real fears, not like 'Oh, I'm scared I'm going to be too successful.' Tell us about something that actually scares you. Don't be guarded. Be open, and other people will appreciate that," Gendler says.
Phrase 2: "You know what I really like about you?"
This phrase makes people like you because it counters a psychological phenomenon known as signal amplification bias, which suggests we tend to overestimate how clearly we express our feelings to others. This means that, many times, when we think others know we like them, they may not be so sure. So a little assurance goes a long way toward showing them the feeling is mutual. "People love being complimented as long as it is genuine," Gendler says.
Phrase 3: "Tell me more"
As Dale Carnegie wrote in How to Make Friends and Influence People, the key to interacting with others is focusing on being interested in them rather than trying to impress them by being interesting. "Be interested, not interesting," Carnegie writes.
A Harvard study supports this, showing that when you first start speaking with someone, you should follow your first question with two more. People who do this are rated as much more likable than those who, after one question, shift the conversation to themselves. "People love feeling like what they're saying is interesting. So invite them to speak more," Gendler continues.
Don't forget to be genuine
Ultraspeaking's post is a breath of fresh air for those who aren't comfortable trying to impress others at parties, on dates, or in the office. The video shows that if you make people feel important, they're much more likely to like you in return. The key is that it has to come from the heart.
"Remember, don't just use these phrases and expect them to work," Gendler says. "They have to be genuine and open. That's what makes people likable."
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Mom praises teen boy for the way he helped her daughter with a period emergency
This article originally appeared on 02.21.19
I know firsthand that getting your period is never a convenient event, especially when it's your very first one and you don't have tampons or pads (or diva cups ooh la la) handy.
Depending on what you're wearing, a leak can show up in ways that announce your cycle to the whole world — and when you're a teenager that can invariably lead to teasing from cruel peers.
Womanhood can truly feel like a curse when you first enter it.
Most of the time, when we hear embarrassing period anecdotes, the girl in question is riding solo with her shame-stained pants, or maybe there's a kind woman with tampons in the public restroom.
It's rare that a guy, let alone a teen boy, is the unlikely hero in a tale of periods. However, a recent Reddit post served as the delightful exception to the rule of terrifying teen boys.
When a boy noticed his female classmate's period stain on the bus, he took the high road rather than making her a punchline.
Here's what the post in full:
"My daughter started her period on the bus ride home today. A boy a year older than her...that she doesn't really know...pulled her aside and whispered in her ear that she had a stain on the back of her pants and gave her his sweater to tie around her waist so she could walk off the bus. She said she was kind of embarrassed and originally said it's okay, but the boy insisted and told her 'I have sisters, it's all good!' If you are this boy's mom, I want to say thank you and that you are raising him right!! We hear so many bad things about today's youth and I wanted to share something positive!"
People on Reddit were happy to hear about such a mature and positive exchange between the teens, particularly how the boy expressed empathy without even knowing her well.
The whole exchange is a testament to how important it is to educate kids about how bodies of all genders work, so it's normal and not shameful.
"What an awesome kid," Redditor Imrhien wrote. "This highlights the importance of teaching boys about girls bodies, and vice versa. Understanding engenders compassion."
It's also notable how awkward it may have been for him to approach her, one of the reasons teens often take the low road is because kindness is a form of vulnerability.
"I'm guessing neither your daughter nor the boy are very old, maybe around 15," cli7 wrote on Reddit. "It would be so tempting to make fun of her. And even if not that, very awkward to have this conversation with a stranger. He must have been awfully nice for your daughter to react how she did I have a feeling your daughter made a friend for life."
In short, this is the right way to raise and kind and respectful kid.
"This is how we should raise our sons and daughters," Redditor binarydaaku wrote.