Woman sparks dialogue after saying she doesn't take advice from men no matter how successful
"I tend to take their advice with a grain of salt," says Paige Connell.
Woman says she doesn't take advice from men.
Being a woman comes with certain expectations, no matter where in the world you live. Becoming a mother adds another layer to those expectations, with traditional society often not considering the impact on the woman experiencing that shift. For instance, many women work outside of the home and are still expected to be the one who figures out which childcare center would be best.
Women are also often expected to put their careers on hold to stay at home if it's decided that outside childcare isn't feasible. Sure, some dads may do the heavy lifting in this area, but that's not a societally expected thing. Because these things are typically expected of women, men don't generally have to consider many of the logistics of children if they're partnered with a woman.
Paige Connell sparked a conversation when she shared on social media that she doesn't take advice from men, even if it's their job. On the surface that sounds harsh, even though she clarifies that she considers the advice but takes it with a big grain of salt, and her reasoning involves the invisible labor aspect.
"I do not tend to take a lot of advice from men, even the most successful men. And I mean advice in the form of self-help books, podcasts from successful men or just men in general. I tend to take their advice with a grain of salt because I do not think it is applicable to women and mothers in particular," Connell share before revealing her reasoning.
In the video she shares that she was recently listening to "The Diary of a CEO" podcast where the man talked about all the risks he took, including moving from Connecticut where his young child and ex-girlfriend live to New York. Connell pointed out through the entire episode detailing his risks and upward mobility, he never mentioned his child, which caused her to surmise that it was because childcare concerns weren't a part of his journey.
@sheisapaigeturner I do not often take advice from men, even the most successful of men, because the common thread is usually that they were able to become successful, because there was a woman standing beside them, or behind them, supporting them. Without acknowledging this, the advice means very little because women often don’t have men standing besides them, or behind them to support them. #caseyneistat #diaryofaceo #millennialmom #workingmom #wfhmom #corporatemom #successfulwomen ♬ original sound - Paige
She continued explaining how the burden of childcare tends to fall on women, working and nonworking, allowing the male parent to be free to corporate climb uninhibited by the worry. Connell shares that she prefers to listen to professionally successful moms because they share the help needed with childcare and how they navigated these spaces being the default parent. Others agreed to much of what she was saying.
"I came to a similar conclusion…I have read quite a few books of men going on their 'hero’s journey' where they did all these extravagant endeavors and eventually found success or enlightenment. But nothing about how a mother deep in the trenches of child raising is the [true] hero’s journey. Motherhood can chew you up and spit you out. A mother dies a million deaths and finds strength to continue to show up for her child day and night. Motherhood changes and refines us. No mother goes unchanged after motherhood. It is late nights and isolation. The flames of motherhood, the true hero’s journey," one person revealed, describing her own experience of realization.
"I love that you talk about it. Also all the so called geniuses, poets, writers, great personalities were able to accomplish all they did because their wives babysat their 8 kids at that time," someone else sighed in frustration.
"Couldn’t agree more. It’s the equivalent of men being able to work late, work weekends, put in the face time, to get ahead - whilst someone else is looking after their children," another wrote.
"I remember reading one comment in the daily routine of a successful writer. He had four kids and yet he could write for 6 hours daily during the day. Never once mentions his household manager, cook, cleaner, nanny—his wife," a commenter pointed out.
What do you think? Should more women be talking about this reality when it comes to the success of their male partners?
Mom praises teen boy for the way he helped her daughter with a period emergency
This article originally appeared on 02.21.19
I know firsthand that getting your period is never a convenient event, especially when it's your very first one and you don't have tampons or pads (or diva cups ooh la la) handy.
Depending on what you're wearing, a leak can show up in ways that announce your cycle to the whole world — and when you're a teenager that can invariably lead to teasing from cruel peers.
Womanhood can truly feel like a curse when you first enter it.
Most of the time, when we hear embarrassing period anecdotes, the girl in question is riding solo with her shame-stained pants, or maybe there's a kind woman with tampons in the public restroom.
It's rare that a guy, let alone a teen boy, is the unlikely hero in a tale of periods. However, a recent Reddit post served as the delightful exception to the rule of terrifying teen boys.
When a boy noticed his female classmate's period stain on the bus, he took the high road rather than making her a punchline.
Here's what the post in full:
"My daughter started her period on the bus ride home today. A boy a year older than her...that she doesn't really know...pulled her aside and whispered in her ear that she had a stain on the back of her pants and gave her his sweater to tie around her waist so she could walk off the bus. She said she was kind of embarrassed and originally said it's okay, but the boy insisted and told her 'I have sisters, it's all good!' If you are this boy's mom, I want to say thank you and that you are raising him right!! We hear so many bad things about today's youth and I wanted to share something positive!"
People on Reddit were happy to hear about such a mature and positive exchange between the teens, particularly how the boy expressed empathy without even knowing her well.
The whole exchange is a testament to how important it is to educate kids about how bodies of all genders work, so it's normal and not shameful.
"What an awesome kid," Redditor Imrhien wrote. "This highlights the importance of teaching boys about girls bodies, and vice versa. Understanding engenders compassion."
It's also notable how awkward it may have been for him to approach her, one of the reasons teens often take the low road is because kindness is a form of vulnerability.
"I'm guessing neither your daughter nor the boy are very old, maybe around 15," cli7 wrote on Reddit. "It would be so tempting to make fun of her. And even if not that, very awkward to have this conversation with a stranger. He must have been awfully nice for your daughter to react how she did I have a feeling your daughter made a friend for life."
In short, this is the right way to raise and kind and respectful kid.
"This is how we should raise our sons and daughters," Redditor binarydaaku wrote.