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women's issues

Women's lives are complex, messy, and beautiful.

Diversity is the spice of life, they say. Our differences are what make us special, unique. But sometimes, you yearn for others to understand you in a way that simply can’t happen unless you ask them outright.

That’s what happened on Reddit, when a man asked the forum r/AskFeminists the following question:

“What would you choose as the ONE concept you would make all men on the planet instantly understand, given the power to do so? Tell me about stuff that has nothing to do with men. That we can’t understand because we’re not even there!”


reddit, post, ask, question, forum An unusual request with wonderful, thoughtful answers. Reddit

Women responded enthusiastically, sharing their day-to-day experiences, ranging from differences in health care to the intricacies of “that time of the month.” We’ve gathered 12 of the most highly voted answers, below.


1. Women are not a monolith

First things first, despite the prompt (and the intriguing answers it produced) women are not all the same. They do not think the same, feel the same, or have anything in common, solely based on their gender. The top-voted comment to this Reddit thread said as much, with a user writing:

“The biggest deficiency is not quite getting that we aren’t some hive mind or have some essential trait in common the differentiates us from men. We are no more of a puzzle to be figured out than any of your friends or acquaintances who are men. And just because you dated/met/saw on TikTok a woman who said or did X, that is no reflection on the next woman.”


women, talking, experience, friends, womanhood Photo credit: Canva

The next woman echoed this, saying:

“I am as unique from other people as you are. People often consider women to be a monolith or a hive mind. Absolutely not so. My experiences, opinions, moral codes, and answers are mine.”


2. Women are hilarious

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Quinta Bronson, Carol Burnett: Women have been funny since the dawn of time. Yet, why do some believe the opposite to be true?


- YouTube www.youtube.com

“I have noticed that this whole ‘women are not funny’ myth leads to women (at least those around me) not loosing up and cracking jokes in environments different from the ones they feel safe in,” commented one user.

“Like, you know the class clown stereotype? It is rarely a woman. I also don’t see women making lots of jokes during work presentations or conferences, whereas some men freely use humor as a main tool to keep an audience engaged.”

Another person put even more plainly, writing:

“Women can be just as hilarious as men. In fact, I personally find women way more naturally and authentically funnier than men.”


3. Women are expected to be caregivers

Societal norms have long equated femininity with very specific traits, including to be nurturing, sensitive, and caregiving. From childhood, girls are frequently encouraged to play with dolls, help with chores, and model caregiving behaviors, while boys are rarely socialized in the same way. These expectations continue throughout a woman’s life—often, without their conscious knowledge of it—and they learn the lesson that caregiving is both their duty and moral obligation.

“I think that men often fail to understand the way that women are socialized to be 24/7 caregivers in a way that’s truly mind-blowing if you think about it,” starts another commenter.

She continues with an example:

“I’m sure you’ve seen a million conflicts where a wife is pissed off about something minor that her husband keeps doing, like, maybe he eats all her snacks without replacing them. She lets this go for a while, until she finally brings it up, and it’s a big emotional conversation. And he goes 'Well why didn’t you tell me? You need to communicate if I’m doing something that bothers you!' And everybody agrees that this whole problem was the wife’s responsibility to say something sooner.”


girls, talking, experience, friends, girlhood Even from a young age, girls are socialized to like and do certain things. Photo credit: Canva


4. Inequalities in healthcare

The Retrievals is a fascinating, heart-wrenching audio series by The New York Times, in which they tell the story of I.V.F patients at the Yale Fertility Clinic who experienced excruciating pain during a surgical procedure called egg removal. Despite their protests, no one believed them.

“Women’s pain is often downplayed by medical professionals or, more dangerously, told that their pain is ‘natural’ and ‘expected,’” writes one commenter.

“This mindset leads doctors to do procedures like IUD insertion without any sort of warning or pain management offered, which is barbaric. Or it leads to women downplaying their own pain, like from fibroids or PCOS or MS, because they’ve been told ‘oh, you’re supposed to be in debilitating pain.’”

Another woman echoed her experience, sharing:

“It’s so infuriating. I’ve had some serious and not so serious medical issues in my life, and I have yet to be taken seriously by even one doctor.”


5. Pregnancy

Over on r/AskWomenNoCensor, a similar discussion went on, this time, around the question, “What’s something men won’t be able to understand about women’s experiences without experiencing it themselves?”

The first answer?

Pregnancy.

“Pregnancy. Everything about it,” writes one woman.

“Not wanting it; wanting it; the body changes during; the decisions if you don’t want to carry it; birth; after-birth. So, so much!”



6. Objectification

In a paper titled “Objectification Theory, Self-Objectification, and Body Image,” by RM Calogero, they write:

“A large body of research has documented that women are targeted for sexually objectifying treatment in their day-to-day lives more often than are men. Sexual objectification refers to the fragmentation of a woman into a collection of sexual parts and/or sexual functions, essentially stripping her of a unique personality and subjectivity so that she exists as merely a body. It is important to note that these experiences of sexual objectification occur outside of women’s personal control.”

Many commenters seemed to have experienced that phenomenon first-hand.

One person wished that men understood this better, writing: “We learn to self-monitor at such a young age. We view ourselves through a third-person perspective because we were conditioned to always see ourselves through the eyes of men and what they want.”

“This one just hit me hard,” another woman replied. “I never realized this, even tho I’ve known it all along. My god.”


7. It’s the little things

“The insidious social pressure to keep track of little things,” explains one user.

“Birthdays, appointments, animal care, where wallets and keys get tossed, arranging things with family, maintaining a comfortable home, meal planning, making sure I’m prepared for emergencies, how I look, how my friends are doing, what’s our budget look like this month, etc. It used to really bother me that my mom was always finishing things up before sitting down to eat with us, but I find myself doing the same thing. I’m so practiced in scanning the environment because if I don’t tend to the minute no one else will catch it, and I can’t physically relax knowing it’s waiting there for me.”


women, talking, experience, friends, womanhood Being responsible for all the little things of life can be exhausting. Photo credit: Canva


8. Periods

Unsurprisingly, ‘periods’ was a frequent response, with one person writing, “I wish I could carry around the [period simulator] machine and attach it to guys to make them feel how it feels.”

Another person listed the different things women have to deal with on or around their period, including:

  • Cramps
  • Fatigue
  • Hunger
  • Irritation
  • Emotions
  • Being told that it’s “not that bad”


“I want to add the 'she’s on her period,’” they continue.

“Even if someone was menstrual 100% of the time, they still have a voice. What they say still matters. So many people will undercut another’s value with 'Oh, are you on your period?’”


9. “High maintenance”

Then there's of course, the infamous Pink Tax. This refers to the tendency for products marketed specifically toward women to be more expensive than those marketed toward men. On average, these products—including razors, deodorants, shampoos, and lotions—are, on average, 7–13% more expensive than similar items for men. In some studies, like the 2015 New York City Department of Consumer Affairs report, show that women’s products can cost thousands more over a lifetime for essentially identical products, differing only by color or packaging.

But even on top of that, the cost of maintaining a female body—haircuts, dry cleaning, makeup, skin care, nails, feminine hygiene products—all add up to an exorbitant amount.


- YouTube www.youtube.com

“I wish men knew how expensive all that female cr*p is,” explained one commenter.

“I’m not talking about the pink tax — as for instance when I saw the identical set of tweezers in two kinds of packaging, one for women and one for men, and the women’s version cost $2 more — but just the sheer volume of crap you buy. Most of us don’t do it just for ourselves. Rarely do our jobs require it, but we get treated a lot better, and I don’t mean ‘straight men are hanging off me!’ better (and that’s not a good thing anyway), but as in ‘we don’t get ignored as much when we talk’ better. Of course, you have to walk the line of ‘attractive enough to tolerate’ and ‘attractive enough to make straight men blame you for their bad behavior.’


10. Don’t stand so close to me

“I think the largest gap in understanding between men and women is how truly scary it is for women (especially young women) to exist,” begins one woman.

“This is not to say that it’s not scary to be a man at times, but the fear experienced is different. Men tend to think of fear as being stabbed in a dark alley or being attacked by a bear in the forest, while for women it could be walking through a well-lit parking lot by themselves.”

She continues,

“I don’t think a lot of men realize that when they approach women, the woman is thinking about how much of a threat that man could be. Or walking down the street, how dangerous they appear.”


11. Postpartum

We’ve touched on periods and pregnancy, but what happens once the baby is born? Sunshine and rainbows, I assume?

Wrong.

“In my experience, postpartum depression takes the crown,” wrote one woman.


“Absolutely!” agreed another.

“I went through it and it was pure misery. Trying to take care of an infant while being in a mental health crisis is horrible. What’s more, my ex-husband didn’t believe me, said I probably saw something on TV and that I was just faking it. Part of the reason he’s my ex.”

Across the globe, it is estimated that 1 in 7 women (14.3%) experience postpartum depression. In the U.S., that number drops slightly to 12.7% (roughly 1 in 8 mothers) and generally lasts for 3–6 months—even longer, without the proper treatment.


12. And finally…

The last thing women wish men knew about them? That for most women, our lives don’t revolve around men.


One woman summed it up perfectly:

“I think most men here on Reddit have no idea what actual women conversations and friendships are. So many men seem to think that women treat their friends like some extra brittle china dolls, never being sarcastic with them, or jokingly insulting, having to walk on eggshells around them, never having any banter, never saying what they actually think, etc. Do they really think that women can’t have a good banter with other women, be really blunt with each other and not get offended, jokingly hit each other or basically just have very diverse and different human relationships?”


There you have it: the 12 things women wish men would understand about them. Women are not a monolith; they are different and unique and can’t be grouped together just by gender. Life can be scary, in ways that men typically don’t have to think about. Women's lives are expensive. And we’re just people: flawed, funny, lazy, uncaring, loving—all of it. And at the end of the day, it’s a beautiful experience. It’s just like Shania Twain said: “Man, I feel like a woman (hey!)”

Health

Women don't know whether to laugh or cry over this 'Perry Menopause' comedy sketch

No one fully prepares you for "Perry" moving in, but she's the worst roommate ever.

Kim Holderness meets her unwelcome new roommate, Perry Menopause.

Whether you are female yourself or you love someone who is, there's someone you need to be introduced to. Perry Menopause—or perimenopause in the real world—is a witch with a b who suddenly moves into your life sometime in your 40s, bringing with her all kinds of baggage and annoyances.

For some reason, no one fully prepares women for her arrival. Sure, we all hear about menopause itself all the time. You know about hot flashes. You know the hormonal changes and end of your menstruating years are coming sometime down the road, but that's it. Nobody informs you ahead of time that for years and years before menopause your body is going to go through drastic changes that will leave you constantly saying WTF?! and wondering if you have some horrible, hidden disease or if it's "just hormones" from perimenopause.

Let me tell you right now, there's no such thing as "just hormones." Hormones are potent and powerful, and they affect basically every single function in your body, as this Holderness Family skit about Perry Menopause illustrates.


Let’s run down a partial list of unwanted luggage this uninvited roommate brings with her, shall we? Perimenopause can cause upwards of 100 different symptoms, which include:

- heart palpitations

- hair loss

- joint pain

- forgetfulness

- foot cramps

- itching

- weight gain

- hot flashes

- cold flashes

- poor night vision

The really fun thing about this list is that a whole lot of these things can be indicators of something much more serious, so for years you get to play games like “Is it lymphoma/arthritis/a heart attack/dementia or is it perimenopause?"

And a lot of times your doctor is no help because they either have no idea that perimenopause is a thing or they pull the "just hormones" line as if the upheaval of your entire body is "just" something you're supposed to live with.

Watch Kim Holderness meeting Perry Menopause officially for the first time:

Women in the comments were thrilled to see what they've experienced being validated in such a funny way.

"This is all spot on," wrote one commenter. "I'm so glad that menopause and especially perimenopause is being highlighted more to help make us ladies not feel so crazy and gives men (and doctors) an idea that it actually exists!"

"I was just going to say that Perry is a B*$ch but you beat me to it," shared another commenter. "The itching, weight is the same but have shift to different places, acne, mood swings, lack of sleep…yup, the pleasures that we go through. My poor husband and son have to deal with Perry as well."

"So f-ing true. Perry’s been around me about 8 years. Getting pretty tired of her! Also, what about brain fog!!!" wrote another.

"I don’t know if I should laugh or cry because you guys NAILED it!!! (But that’s just Perry confusing my emotions again)," shared another. "The only thing I would add is the back and forth between hot & cold all night! 🥴 kicking covers off, then to get cold, then to get warm, so you just let the one leg out of the covers. 😳 Finally finding a way to push covers away onto my husband and just end up with the top sheet! Go away Perry!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣"

Kim explained that her husband Penn was actually the one who wrote the skit, which is admirable because it means he's been paying attention. Perry Menopause may be a fictitious person, but perimenopause is real, she's the worst and we definitely need to talk about her more.

You can follow The Holderness Family on Facebook for more hilariously relatable skits like this.

Joy

Great video shows guys having intense reactions to how overpriced women's essential items are

"I wouldn't be let back in the house if I went out and spent that much money on a haircut."

Men amusingly react to the price of items women use.

Debates around the societal differences between men and women are likely as old as humanity. There will always be a shift in expectations and personal needs, but some things never get old, like men discovering just how expensive it can be to be born with female reproductive organs. Or to simply exist as a woman in America, specifically.

So for everyone's viewing pleasure, the folks at the React YouTube channel gathered up a handful of average guys and asked them to guess what certain traditionally female items were used for, how they are used and how much they cost. The results were a mix between impressive and amusing.

React started off fairly easy by giving the men a box of tampons and asking what they were for. We are going to hope that most guys who reach adulthood have some general idea of what a box of Tampax is for, and these guys were off to a strong start.


Of course, the host of the show didn't stop there. She hit the guys (and likely the women watching) with invisible pearl-clutching math on how much money women spend on average over their lifetime. $18,000. Yes, people who use tampons as their feminine hygiene product of choice spend about $18,000 on something that's just going to go in the trash...or going to make some plumber a lot of money. Can you claim tampons on your taxes? Totally asking for a friend.

The guys were shocked, and one pointed out they could use that money to buy a motorcycle. As the guys moved through different menstruation products, they became more confused about the proper way to use them. But to be fair, there are plenty of people who have periods who don't know how to use every feminine hygiene product on the market.

True confusion and flabbergast came when the guys watched a video of a girl explaining how much she spent on a haircut and color. While some of the men guessed in the hundreds, some guessed as low as $35, so when the girl revealed her haircut costs upwards of $450, audible gasps were taken.

"That's a year of haircuts for me," one guy said.

"I wouldn't be let back in the house if I went out and spent that much money on a haircut," another participant declared.

The guys moved on to other items like bras, shapewear and skin care products with confusion and shock growing with each revelation. Watch the entire video below and tell us how you did in the comments.

Canva

We live in a world where men, who have never and will never experience pregnancy or childbirth, make laws about women's reproduction, which in and of itself is a headscratcher. When we're talking about anti-abortion legislation, which effectively forces women to go through pregnancy and childbirth whether it's healthy for them or not, it seems like the people who actually experience those things should have a more heavily weighted say in such legislation.

Of course, women have varied opinions on the matter. (The most recent Gallup poll found that 53% of women in the U.S. identify as "pro-choice" and 43% identify as "pro-life.") But interestingly, a Twitter thread is showing how actual experience can either shift or concretes a person's views.

Writer Jennifer Wright wrote, "Raise your hand if pregnancy and childbirth only made you *more* pro-choice," and the responses came flooding in.


Scores of women responded in the affirmative, saying that going through pregnancy, childbirth, and childrearing has either made them change their stance from anti-choice to pro-choice or solidified their pro-choice beliefs.

For some, it was getting a first-hand taste of the potential dangers pregnancy poses.


For others, their experiences with adoption solidified their pro-choice stance.



Some shared that losing a baby or nearly losing a baby helped them realize the complexities of choices surrounding pregnancy and childbirth.



Many women shared that going through pregnancy and childbirth made them realize that forcing someone who doesn't want to be pregnant or birth a child to do so is cruel.



Even those who enjoyed being pregnant or who had loads of support shared that the experience pushed them toward choice.


Experience can be eye-opening.

Even experiences that someone might guess would lead to different views.


A few men even weighed in, saying that their experience just witnessing their wives' pregnancy and childbirth difficulties made them see that no one should be forced through it against their will.


So many stories, so many reasons to believe in giving women autonomy over their own medical decisions.





Scrolling through the hundreds of comments in the thread, the consensus was clear.

Pregnancy and childbirth are difficult and dangerous, with lifelong consequences, even when you want a child. Adoption is not the panacea people make it out to be. Struggling through infertility and multiple miscarriages can make women more understanding of how complicated reproductive choices are. And the idea of the government forcing a woman to stay pregnant and deliver a baby no matter the circumstances feels wrong when you know exactly what that can mean for her.

Let's leave personal medical choices that don't affect others to patients and their providers, period.