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Woman gives tour of "postpartum hotel" in China where new moms get pampered for 30 days

It's not exactly cheap, but it goes to show what's possible with better maternity leave.

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Maternity leave or maternity miracle?

Much has been written about maternity leave in the United States and how it compares to other parts of the world. Unsurprisingly, it usually doesn't compare well. An analysis done by Yahoo! Finance does not have the US cracking the top 25 countries with the best maternity leave policies. The only thing new moms are guaranteed nationwide here is 12 weeks of unpaid leave. Awesome.

We know that many countries have it a lot better than us, but it's sometimes hard to visualize what that looks like. More paid time off sounds great, but how does that really impact those crucial first days after baby is born?

A recent video showcasing what maternity leave looks like for some women in China is blowing people's minds.

gif of a woman getting a facialCould maternity leave be a spa experience? For some women in China, the answer is yes.Giphy

Aileen Wang took viewers along with her as she went to visit a coworker who had just had a baby. The woman was staying at a postpartum center, described as part hospital, part luxury hotel.

"In China we have six months of paid maternity leave and have a tradition called ... kind of like a cozy VIP jail for new moms," she writes in the video caption.

Wang is referring to a a tradition called "zuo yue zi," or "sitting the month." Traditionally, new moms in China are under strict watch by family members not to leave the house or over-exert themselves, to stay warm and eat certain foods in order to recover while family members pitch in with care and help with the baby.

"For the first month after birth, moms can't go out, they are forced to stay at home or in postpartum centers. No cold food and drink, staying warm, and eating nutritious food."

Wang adds that at her friend's cushy recovery center, she gets round-the-clock care for the baby and herself, meals delivered to the room, yoga sessions, massages, and more. For 30-40 days mom has to worry about very little except recuperating her physical, mental, and emotional strength. In the video you even see a staff member at the center bringing in an extraordinary-looking meal on a tray for the new mom!

"In China, there's a say. It basically means: Don't mess with a woman during her first month after giving birth—she won't forget it for whole life!"

Watch the fascinating tour here:


@aileenw1113

In China, we get six months of paid maternity leave and have a tradition called "sitting the month"—kind of like a cozy VIP jail for new moms. #china #maternityleave#givebirth #baby #postpartum

The facility looks and sounds incredible. So does the idea of giving new moms several weeks of pampering to get back on their feet after the trauma of delivery.

Of course, this luxury doesn't come free, or even cheap in China. A month-long stay can cost families somewhere around the equivalent of $10,000 or more. But over the last decade, the number of centers like this one has grown from 550 to well over 4000, showing that the idea is gaining popularity and accessibility.

"The million-plus people who watched Wang's video on TikTok were stunned:6 MONTHS PAID AND 24/7 CARE?!? Please someone tell me why we're brainwashed into thinking the USA is the greatest country ever? Women's health is trash here!"

"America: oh you’ll be fine in 6 weeks."

"This must help a lot with post partum depression. All women need this kind of support"

"And they sent me home alone in a blizzard 4 days after a c section. It was literally 37 degrees below zero."

Even if moms can't afford to stay in a fancy postpartum center like the one shown above, many still observe "sitting the month" at home. With six months of paid leave, new mothers have plenty of time to recover and bond with their baby while other members of the family pitch in with all the heavy lifting. It's an attractive idea that really calls into question what could be possible in the US with better support for moms.


gif of woman wearing two breast pumps saying, "Welcome to motherhood."Imagine how much better of women would be if motherhood started off like this. Giphy

Six weeks of unpaid time off doesn't give families a lot of money or flexibility to work with during maternity leave. Some companies will offer a small amount of paid leave on their own, and some states have mandatory paid leave, but it's not required everywhere. Postpartum centers are becoming more popular in the United States, too, but the concept doesn't align well with the realities of being a working parent. Not yet, anyways. It's fun to envision a future where new families have more time and money to make sure mom's OK before sending her back into the rigors of daily life.

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Fatherhood

Incredible 6-week program turns expectant dads from bystanders into doula-level helpers

“I want men to understand: This isn’t just a woman thing."

Dads to Doulas

In 2017, Brad Edwards and his partner were expecting twins. By all accounts, it was a "normal" pregnancy, and Edwards assumed it would be smooth sailing when they got to the hospital. Tragically, and unexpectedly, both of his sons were delivered stillborn within a week of each other.

The statistics around black pregnancy in America are harrowing. Black women are three times more likely to die from pregnancy complications than white women, while the infant mortality rate is more than twice as high. The reasons are vast, and include systemic racism and inequalities in the healthcare system. A lot of things can go wrong.

One thing that can make a difference is parent education. So when the couple got pregnant again a few years later, Edwards vowed to never feel "helpless" in the delivery room ever again.

“Through my experience losing my twins, I realized that there was a lot I didn't know, and there was a lot that I didn't take the time to educate myself on,” Edwards told St. Louis Magazine.

“So by the time another opportunity came, when I was preparing to have my baby girl, I had become familiar with what a doula is. One of my good friends is a doula. I said, ‘Alright, I need you to help me create a playbook. What do I need to look for? What should her levels be? What should I be looking for with the placenta?’ So it was just a few different things I wanted to be educated on to make sure that I could be not only knowledgeable but also an advocate for her, because I know that Black women die at much higher rates than any other race.”

Edwards' daughter Carielle was born in 2020, but not without a scare. Edwards' partner dealt with severe preeclampsia — a high blood pressure condition that can be fatal — and having a doula on hand to walk him through what to do proved to be a lifesaver.

That's when he decided that dads needed way more training before getting anywhere near the delivery room. Edwards worked with trained professionals to create a 6-week course called "Dads to Doulas."

A man practices doula techniques on a baby dollDads to Doulas

Doulas are helpers that assist mothers through the process, and immediately after, of childbirth. Unlike midwives, they don't perform any medical procedures, but they're knowledgable in comfort measures, advocacy, knowing what can go wrong, being prepared, and more. Having a doula on hand during birth can decrease the risk of complications or certain health problems in the baby, especially for high risk pregnancies.

In other words, doulas can save lives. But less than 6% of doulas are men, and there wasn't much of an existing framework to teach untrained men everything they need to know in such a short amount of time.

But now there is. The course, offered digitally and in-person in St. Louis, is free to the public and takes dads from zero to doula-level knowledge of childbirth so they can be an advocate for mom and baby the entire way through.

The first classes cover the basics, communication activities, and discuss home births and hospital births.

The more advanced classes work on partner advocacy, birth plans, physical comfort measures, and emergency safety.

They also cover postpartum depression in great detail, for moms and dads alike.

This education is an absolute game-changer for men who, let's face it, may not start off knowing very basic biological facts about how women's bodies work. Hiring a doula can be extremely expensive, so getting dad up to speed can be an important and even lifesaving investment.

“I want men to understand: This isn’t just a woman thing,” Edwards says. “This is about the family unit as a whole.”

Dads to Doulas isn't the only course of its kind.

A man with his daughters sits at a table listening to doula trainingDads to Doulas

More and more training programs like it are popping up all over the country. Dad Doula Bootcamp in Kansas City is another big one picking up steam.

We've come a long way when it comes to expecting dads. In the 50s and 60s, dads were actually invited to have a seat in the waiting room or even go to a nearby bar and wait for the baby to be born!

Now, more and more men want to get educated and get involved. Organizations like Dads to Doulas make that possible. And it's leading to better outcomes for babies and mothers.

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Health

After a tragic birth story out of Atlanta, an OBGYN breaks down 'maneuvers of last resort'

"A shoulder dystocia, if you don't know, is an obstetric emergency."

Dr. Fatima Daoud|TikTok

OB-GYN breaks down shoulder dystocia after tragedy in Atlanta.

TRIGGER WARNING: This story contains graphic details of childbirth trauma and infant loss.

A couple in Atlanta, Georgia, experienced a devastating loss that by all stretches of the imagination seems impossible. Unfortunately, the unimaginable is one of the rarest of rare birth complications that resulted in the loss of their newborn son.

Jessica Ross and her partner, Treveon Taylor, were excitedly awaiting the delivery of their first child when during the pushing stage of labor, baby Treveon Taylor Jr.'s shoulder got stuck. According to the Cleveland Clinic, shoulder dystocia is when one or both of the baby's shoulders get stuck behind a bone in the pelvis, which doesn't allow the baby to exit the birth canal.

Ross found herself in this very situation, which eventually resulted in an emergency situation in which the doctor had to dislodge the baby from the pelvis and perform a Cesarean section. It is suspected that the force with which the baby was dislodged caused the infant's decapitation.

Doctors and nurses on TikTok have been taking to the app in an attempt to explain how a situation like this occurs. Dr. Fatima Daoud, OB-GYN uploaded two separate videos expanding on information about shoulder dystocia and what she says are "maneuvers of last resort." She explains in the video that maneuvers of last resort are actions taken by the provider that may cause harm to the baby but are necessary to save the baby's and/or mother's life.

"The first thing I'm going to say is that shoulder dystocia, it's rare. But when it does happen it's an unpredictable, unpreventable medical emergency," Daoud explains. "There are risk factors, sure, for shoulder dystocia. But actually, the majority of shoulder dystocias happen in people who have no risk factor at all."

This essentially means that there's no way for a doctor or midwife to know that you may experience shoulder dystocia while delivering your baby. But when it happens, things have to move extremely quickly because once the baby's face hits the air, the clock has started. There are only a few minutes to get the baby out before they've been deprived of oxygen for too long. During this time doctors and nurses try multiple different ways to dislodge the baby's shoulder but if all else fails, they have to move to the maneuvers of last resort.

Daoud explains that decapitation due to shoulder dystocia is "astronomically, astronomically rare" before revealing that it doesn't always mean malpractice has occurred.

@doctordaoud

#stitch with @wykeishaforthecommunity Major content warning here, but I do feel that as medical professionals we have an obligation to responsibly and respectfully weigh in on prominent medical-related news.

"Is because, when we're trying to resolve a shoulder dystocia when it happens, there are multiple maneuvers that we do. Three of them are what we call maneuvers of last resort. The extreme stuff," Daoud continues. If the extreme stuff doesn't work, what are you going to do? If nothing is working, what are you going to do? And a decapitation is the answer. I'm so sorry to say this, but that doesn't automatically mean malpractice took place."

The OB-GYN apologized multiple times in the video understanding that it's not pleasant information, but it's necessary information to have in order to understand how the couple's doctor may have gotten to that point. It has been reported that this couple's baby died before the Cesarean took place due to how long he was stuck in the birth canal.

In a follow-up video, Daoud goes into more detail about the three last-resort maneuvers before something as horrific as a decapitation occurs. One involves breaking the baby's clavicle to force the shoulders past the pubic bone, and the very last one is the "Zavanelli maneuver," in which they attempt to push the baby back into the uterus via the birth canal.

"Performing a Cesarean in the middle of shoulder dystocia is very much different than performing a Cesarean section that's scheduled or in labor," Daoud says. "It's not even comparing apples to oranges. It's like comparing an apple to a truck."

She goes on to explain that if the Zavanelli Maneuver is unsuccessful and you've attempted all of the other maneuvers of last resort prior to the Zavanelli, the focus becomes saving the mom. Daoud is clear that she is not speculating on the case from Atlanta but explaining how an infant death like this can occur.

It's a tragic thing to consider and an even more tragic thing to experience. Everyone is wishing the parents currently experiencing this unimaginable loss comfort during this difficult time.

@doctordaoud

Replying to @RaideretteRaiderLicious It’s not as simple as making a cut and scooping the baby out like a typical c-section, though I obviously cannot say what did and did not take place during this tragedy. #zavanellimaneuver #shoulderdystocia

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Internet

Mom sparks passionate debate after saying she would choose her own life over child’s during birth

Having an older child to come home to really changes your perspective.

Photo by Christian Bowen on Unsplash

Moms admit they'd choose their life over their child's in childbirth.

Surprise! There's a debate going around social media, specifically TikTok, about mothers who would choose to save their own lives over their baby's life if complications arose during birth. Apparently, the internet is having some big feelings, and surprisingly—or maybe not surprisingly—it's coming from other women.

Honestly, when I first saw the videos going around about this very heated debate, I didn't think much of it. But the conversation continued to grow and the judgment of moms who would choose themselves was abundant, so I decided to have a look-see. The debate started after Anabel Morales went viral on the platform for posting a video with a text overlay.


“To my husband: If I’m giving birth, and the doctor says you need to pick between me or the baby. Please save me. I don’t want Ethan to grow up without a mom, & I don’t want you to have to raise two babies alone while also grieving your wife,” Morales wrote.

Unsurprisingly, many moms agreed, myself included. The thought of leaving behind children to grieve the loss of their mother while being cared for by a father who is also grieving his wife seems unfathomable to some when there's a choice involved. But to others, the clear choice is on the other end of the spectrum because they couldn't imagine living without their child. Currently, the 6-second video has 6.6 million views and over a half million likes.

"My mom sadly passed away because it was either me or her. But no one understands how hard it was for me and my dad. Having him raise me alone and me having to grow up without a mom. So I will choose myself no matter how forced I am to choose the baby. Because I don't want the baby going through what I did. It sucks," one commenter shared.

That certainly adds another layer that I don't think many people considered when having this hypothetical but very possible debate. In America, the pregnancy mortality rate is much higher than in other developed nations, with the 2018 CDC data showing that the pregnancy mortality rate among white non-Hispanic people at 13.7 deaths per 100,000 births. The rate is significantly higher for Indigenous and Black people at 26.5 and 41.4 deaths per 100,000 births, respectively.

@anabelmoralezz

😩😩 #trending #viral #pickme #husbandwife #laboranddelivery #savethemoms #foryou #foryoupage #fy #fyp #momsoftiktok

"I used to say save the baby not me. Now that I have a daughter I think so differently," another mom wrote.

"I had these feelings during my third pregnancy and felt so guilty. I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way," someone else commented.

On the other side of the camp, plenty of people said they would choose their baby. While some were more respectful in their word choice than others, the sentiment was clear.

What you would do in a situation where the choice is between you and your soon-to-be Earth-side baby is completely personal. It's something discussed in hopes that the choice never has to be made, but for some families it does, and it's one of those instances where there's no right answer. The choice between grief and grief feels impossible because no matter what, everyone will hurt.

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