
There's a bizarre prejudice directed at women who have C-sections to deliver their babies.
They're often asked if they feel they "missed out" on giving birth or are told they took the "easy way out" by having surgery instead of delivering the baby vaginally.
Ask any woman who's had a C-section and she'll tell you, it's no walk in the park.
A C-section is major abdominal surgery that takes around six weeks to completely heal. It carries a long list of potential complications, including: infections, excessive bleeding, blood clots, and uterine ruptures.
Sherri Bayles, a New York City-based certified Lamaze instructor, lactation consultant, and registered nurse, says: "The important thing is to have a healthy baby—it doesn't matter how he gets here."
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Three years ago, Missouri mom Raye Lee attempted to put an end to all of the shaming by posting raw photos of her body after her C-section on Facebook.
It all started when someone told her "Oh. A c-section? So you didn't actually give birth. It must have been nice to take the easy way out like that."
via Facebook
Lee was in labor for 38 excruciating hours before reaching the point whereevery contraction was "literally stopping his heart," she wrote in her post which has since been removed. At that point, her doctors decided it was time for surgery.
"Being told at the beginning that I was displaying great progress and wouldn't need a cesarean section… and then being told that I was being prepped for major abdominal surgery was not a shock at all," she wrote, sarcastically.
"Oh, and that surgery is super easy peasy to recover from."
Her photos show that the surgery was no minor procedure.
via Facebook
Lee describes her surgery as "a completely different experience than I had imagined my son's birth to be."
"When that first nurse asked you to try getting out of bed and the ripping pain of a body cut apart and stitched back together seared through you, you realized the irony of anybody who talks about it being the 'easy way out,'" she wrote.
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She never expected how difficult it would be to recover from the damage done to her core by the surgery.
"You use your core muscles for literally everything... even sitting down," she wrote. "Imagine not being able to use them because they have literally been shredded and mangled by a doctor and not being able to repair them for 6+ weeks because your body has to do it naturally."
But, in the end, for Lee going through the painful surgery was worth the agony.
"I am the strongest woman, that I know," she ended her post. "Not only for myself, but for my beautiful son… and I would honestly go through this every single day just to make sure I am able to see his smiling face."
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.