Your grilling powers enhance exponentially.
One of the little known perks of becoming a parent is that you develop honest-to-goodness, real-life superpowers. Those of us who have physically borne babies know this on a primal level, and mom superpowers are naturally touted for their miraculous nature. For dads, those powers tend to emerge a little later and in different ways.
Dad superpowers may not involve growing an entire human being from scratch inside their own bodies, but they've still got them. Some may overlap with mom powers, but there are certain things that dads do that are uniquely oriented to fatherhood.
A soon-to-be-father tapped Reddit with this adorably curious question: "My girlfriend is due with our first-born in 6 weeks and I already feel the power of the dad-joke getting stronger with every day. What other superpowers and abilities have I got to look forward to?" and the dads delivered.
The ability to sleep and watch TV at the same time
Sleep becomes a bit of a mystery once you have kids. You basically never sleep but also are always sleeping.
"Being able to be asleep yet also still be watching that on TV."
"Can confirm. My dad would be draped over the couch full-on snoring throughout the entirety of a movie he's never seen and could give you a full summary of the movie so far without ever opening his eyes."
"That's because while caring for a newborn, you don't sleep. Instead, when given the opportunity, you go directly into a coma."
"Been a dad for seven years now, this superpower just came to me over the summer."
"Dad snoring loudly. Reach for remote—'Don’t touch that I am watching that show.'"
Sensing when a kid is doing something they shouldn't
You gain the ability to interpret silence and certain sounds as trouble with 95% accuracy.
"You will be able to sense when your child has done something wrong from miles away."
"Finally some peace and quiet... Wait."
"This, my 3 year old really thinks I have eyes in the back of my head."
"When my kids play together I can tell by the sound of the laughs if someone is doing something naughty. I like fun, but that sounds like too much fun."
Spouse annoyance
Blame it on the sleep deprivation, but it's a thing.
"Your ability to annoy your significant other will never be stronger."
"This is easily the most accurate."
"UNLIMITED POWAHHHHH."
"Pro tip after she has the baby mention how hard that day was on you."
Grill, baby, grill
Gas or charcoal? You'll have an opinion, believe it.
"Your grilling game."
"My father grilled, my father's father grilled, and now it is my time."
"This spatula has been passed down for generations..."
"The grill is a refuge away from the house and kids. When it's not enough, get a smoker. 'Sorry sweetie, it's a 12-hour brisket recipe that needs careful monitoring. I'll be outside; you watch the kids.'"
Adoration of your offspring
Even if you think you don't like kids much, your own kids will be amazing. And vice versa.
"The ability to be incredibly funny and interesting to your kid regardless of how crippling your social anxiety is."
"This for real. Everyone, including me, pretty much thought I wouldn't be such a great dad because I generally don't like people. Don't like talking to them, don't like listening to them, don't like being in the same room with them. I can talk to my kids forever about nothing and love it."
"One's own kid is the most wonderful, fascinating creature ever. I sometimes think that other children aren't that special. Great, yes, but meh. Then I look at mine and realize that -for someone else- they are probably weird and not-so-special. But to me, they're the most amazing thing ever."
Ninja-like reflexes
Probably the most literal superpower you'll have. Literally out here saving lives.
"Weirdly fast reflexes."
"Dad reflexes save more kids than crash helmets and knee pads."
"Based on my son, they develop because babies like to launch themselves headfirst out of your arms believing they can fly like an eagle."
"I caught my daughter midway thru falling down a flight of stairs, scared the crap out of her but no harm done."
"I caught my kid by the ankle, an inch from smashing his face into a Toys R’ Us floor. Turns out when the 2 year old is standing in the corner of the cart and you take a turn just to show your wife that yes, he is in fact perfectly safe standing up like that, you’d better be ready to make sure he doesn’t die when you take a aisle corner too hard."
Thermostat telepathy
You will become one with the temperature in your home, and any deviation from what it should be will immediately result in your family members being accused of touching the thermostat.
"You will know, as soon as you walk in the house, if someone has been monkeying with the thermostat."
"Telepathically being able to sense the thermostat being touched."
"You will be in tune with the house's thermostats like you've never been before."
"You will become hyper aware of when anyone touches the thermostat. You will literally feel the money being ripped from your wallet."
"Once you start yelling at others for touching the thermostat you’ll know you’ve reached peak Dad-ness."
Having kids is hard, but superpowers are a fun perk. Especially when we can use them to entertain or annoy our children.
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A husband is angry with his wife. via 
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