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Why women smile at men who sexually harass us.

“Why do you always engage them? If you didn’t engage them, they wouldn’t keep talking to you.”

It’s nighttime and it’s bitterly cold and I’m at a bus stop with my boyfriend. We’ve just left a performance of some sort and are trying to get home, but our evening has been interrupted and it is, apparently, my fault.

Photo via iStock.

An intoxicated man stands about two feet away, swaying like a thin tree in the wind, staring at me with a fixed gaze. He appears to be living in extreme poverty, most likely sleeping outside tonight, and, just moments ago, I was worrying about how he’d stay warm.

I’m still worried, but now I am also annoyed, mostly on behalf of my boyfriend, who is visibly upset by the encounter.

The man’s knuckles are wrapped around a garbage can and his other hand is beckoning me with one finger. He has already spoken to me, too close and smelling like hard liquor, about my body and my appearance. He keeps pinballing from his garbage can to me and back again, prompting me to talk to him. This goes on for at least 10 minutes, during which I am courteous and my boyfriend grows more and more anxious.

The sexual harassment isn’t what irritates me in this moment. For me, this isn’t frightening or even that uncomfortable. This is every single day.

I leave the house. Men talk to me. I hold my breath and I am polite and I am unshakable and then I get home. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

What annoys me is the fact that I am being blamed for this moment in time, for this interaction. While this isn’t new to me — this is the price of living my life, of going to things — it is new for him. And he doesn’t enjoy it.

"Just don’t talk to him. He’ll go away," my boyfriend tells me again. His face is pale and he is clearly nervous and perhaps downright afraid of what the man will do to us — to him — next.

I’m not afraid, because I’m doing what I have learned to do to keep us both safe. The exact thing that my boyfriend thinks is causing this interaction is the thing that I know will ensure it is over more promptly and without incident. So I remain courteous as we wait.

Sometimes when I get home, I tell my boyfriend about the persistence of interactions like this, the pervasiveness of it.

Photo via StockSnap/Pixabay.

He seems aghast, but I also get the feeling that he, like of a lot of men, think I’m exaggerating.

I can’t entirely blame him; most people have a hard time grasping the gravitas of a situation until they, themselves, have experienced it. He’s never seen this happen in public. He’s never had it happen to him. And, of course, he has told me to just ignore it because that seems like the most logical approach. When you ignore things, they go away, right?

It’s hard to even be disturbed by an occurrence that happens so often because if I were to allow myself to feel it every time, I would never be able to leave the house again — something I’m reminded of whenever a man is present for an incident like this and is so very visibly shaken and at a loss for what to do or how to react.

Seeing it happen this time, though, doesn’t seem to breed empathy in my boyfriend.

Instead, it confirms everything that he believes: I didn’t ignore the man, and now he’s here, in our presence, in our life, wicking up our time and attention like water. I smiled and I was polite and that is why he talked to me — though of course, I was paying exactly no attention to him before he began to demand mine. I was doing exactly nothing to invite this man’s leering and sexually aggressive language, except for existing as a woman, which for many men is more than enough.

"Seriously, stop being nice to him. You’re making it worse."

It is worth noting that my boyfriend is a man who is, for all intents and purposes, considered one of the "good ones." He participated in Walk a Mile in Her Shoes. He has seen "The Vagina Monologues." He has read Judith Butler and bell hooks, and he knows about the male gaze and the Bechdel Test. He would never harass a woman on the street. He would never blame the victim.

Except right now, a man is making my boyfriend uncomfortable because of me. And this is the thing about being an ally — it requires very little nuance of understanding. Catching the sexism in a beer commercial? You’re an ally. Lamenting the gender wage gap? You’re an ally. Blaming women for the behavior of men in everyday occurrences of sexual harassment? Well...

The men who yell repulsive things about me from their cars or on the street. The men who follow me home. The men whose hands slip up the back of my skirt as I squeeze by for a seat on the bus. The men who wave their limp, rubbery genitalia at me in broad daylight. These interactions with men happen regardless of what I’m wearing, regardless of how I feel, regardless of how I move through the world, regardless of if I smile or not. It’s not what I do, and it’s not how I act. It is my presence — and just that!

Sometimes the attention comes with good intentions. Sometimes it does not. Sometimes it comes with no intention at all other than to interrupt and interject — someone just has something they want to say or do to me, and they can see exactly no reason not to say it or do it.

It’s not a question of if it will happen, but when and how often. How many times today. How many times for the rest of my life. How many will go sour. How many will end with me in danger.

I can’t make it stop, and I can’t reduce the volume. What I can do is ensure that it’s not worse.

Photo via iStock.

And so I smile. And I make conversation. And I am charming and sweet, and I even swallow hot stomach acid to choke out the words "thank you" because these are the actions that, it has been proven to me over and over by trial and error, work best. These actions keep me safe. But I shouldn't have to use them.

A small smile heads off the rage. A wave back keeps the situation civil. A forced laugh keeps the man outside of the drugstore from following me any farther. A full-fledged conversation when I am trapped in line helps me suss out whether or not this person is violent or just overly friendly.

And yes, I know that in doing this — in using courtesy as a weapon of self defense — that I am also actively enabling the behavior and I am encouraging it further and I am part of the problem.

But my body is not the battleground for this fight, and my personal safety is not a currency I am willing to exchange for ending it because even if I cash it in, it will persist.

For this reason, each day, I decide to be temporarily OK being part of the problem because I know that my part is the absolute smallest part. I also decide to be part of the problem because the alternative — "just ignoring it" — is also part of the problem.

On this exact night, with this boyfriend who should know better because he prides himself on understanding and hearing women, the tiredness overwhelms me, and I can’t be part of it anymore.

"No, actually, he won’t. He won’t go away, and he won’t leave us alone and actually 'engaging' is one of the best ways I know how to keep myself safe."

For the entire bus ride home (the bus finally comes), I unload all of the little scraps of indignity that I have packed around with me for all of these years. And I don’t care if he hears it or learns a goddamn thing because mostly I just need to say these things. These things that I have said above and more.

In the years since that night, I have told this exact story many times, to many men, in large part because being silent — just ignoring it — doesn’t make women safer, and I need you to know that. I just need you to know that.

The truth is, we don’t have the luxury to ignore harassment. We engage, we’re kind — because that is what keeps us safe.

But now, it’s time for everyone to engage. Because we shouldn't have to smile to stay safe.

If you’re tired of hearing about women being harassed, tired of us sharing our stories about it, maybe that’s because you’ve been ignoring it, and we don’t believe that you should have that luxury anymore either.

From Your Site Articles

Joy

People from around the globe share 15 signs that someone is obviously an American

"An Italian told me that Americans walk confidently in the wrong direction."

tourists, american tourists, us tourists, vacation, american style

via Tarnie/Flickr, Paul Duncan/Flickr, tAlex Bikes/Flickr

Americans on vacation.

One of the fun things about traveling to different countries is that you not only get to learn about other cultures, but you also learn some things about your own. Americans who travel abroad often learn that people around the world appreciate them for being open, friendly, and good at spreading hope and optimism.

On the other hand, people in other countries can often tell when an American is coming from a mile away because they speak loudly, whether indoors or outdoors. Americans also have a very peculiar body language and are known to lean on things when they have to stand for an extended period.

A Reddit user posed a question in the AskReddit subforum to learn more about how Americans stand out abroad: What's an "obvious" sign that someone is American? The post received more than 35,000 responses, with an overwhelming number of commenters noting that Americans are all smiles and love to make small talk, something most people appreciate.

According to Redditors, here are 15 "obvious" signs that someone is American:

1. They have a unique confidence

"An Italian told me that Americans walk confidently in the wrong direction."

"Been taught to walk fast, and look worried.. People think you know what you're doing."

2. They're friendly

"I worked as a cashier in a tourist place in Paris, I always recognised Americans because they were kinda friendly to me and they always left tips."

"I guess there are worse things than friendly and generous."

3. Time = distance

"If someone asks how far away something is, an American will tell how you long it takes to get there as opposed to a physical distance."

"It actually pisses off some Americans to give a distance in miles, unless they're calculating gas mileage. In some places, you have to give with and without traffic options. I think it's more valuable info in time than in distance."

4. Grinning at strangers

"The gentle grins you give to strangers if you make eye contact with them as you pass by, at least in the Midwest. was not well received in Germany."

"I dated a European man here in the US. When we walked together, every time I made eye contact with someone on our path I would smile at them, and they would always smile back. Boyfriend was so confused at all these strangers smiling at me. Kept asking if I knew all these people. It was hilarious."

5. They like personal space

"How much personal space they give themselves. Americans like at LEAST an arm's length."

"We're conditioned to fill spaces evenly. I noticed when i worked delivery, spending lots of quality time on elevators that for every new person that enters, everybody shuffles to even things out. Similar thing plays out in social gatherings and bars. Not sure if that's universal or not, but I find it interesting. I think the size of our personal bubbles is because our spaces are generally much larger because we've got the space (heh) to build bigger buildings, sidewalks, roads etc. Might also explain why we're louder. Used to filling larger spaces with volume."

Body language expert Joe Navarro says that among Americans, the social zone for acquaintances and casual interactions is four to 12 feet, while family and close friends stand 1.5 to four feet apart. The intimate zone, for those closest to us, ranges from the skin to about 18 inches.

6. They lean

"According to the CIA, when training to be a spy, you have to unlearn how to lean. Americans tend to lean on things when standing still."

All of this is true, according to Jonna Mendez, the former chief of disguise at the CIA, who has shared some of her tips and tricks for making Americans seem more European. "So we would de-Americanize you," Mendez told NPR. "They think that we are slouchy, a little sloppy. And they think that they can almost see that in our demeanor on the street because they stand up straight. They don't lean on things."

7. They don't have an indoor voice

"I've lived in America for 25 years, and it still irritates me that instead of lowering their voices in restaurants so everyone can hear, Americans just scream over each other and make their restaurants as loud as clubs."

"For some reason, my otherwise smart and wonderful American friends will speak in the same volume, diction, and speed regardless of any outside factor unless specifically asked."

8. Dessert for breakfast

"In my homestay in London, I was told that I was 'so American' for enjoying a piece of cake for breakfast (not frosted cake, but like a nuts and dried fruit spiced coffeecake kind of thing). Apparently, that's exclusively for like a 4 pm snack, and breakfast is more of a savory meal."

"A lot of American breakfast items in my mind are desserts (pancakes, muffins, waffles, etc.). It doesn't mean I won't eat them, but it's kinda weird to do so."

9. They wear their clothes differently

"A British man once told me he knew I was American because I was wearing a baseball cap backwards."

"An Italian told me they could tell I was American because I wore my sunglasses on the top of my head when I wasn't using them."

10. Exposed soles

"While visiting Turkey, I was told that I looked American because I was sitting with one leg across the other, and the bottom of my shoe was exposed. Apparently, it's rude idk."

"In a lot of places outside of the US, showing the bottom of your shoe is rude."

11. Tactical gear

"Tactical sunglasses."

"I'm in the US, and virtually anything marketed towards men has the word 'tactical' in front of it."

12. They love small talk

"I'm from California (though a smallish town), and we wave to neighbors on our road, even if we haven't met, and start conversations in the grocery line with people if the opportunity presents itself. Also, smiling and saying hello to someone you happen to walk by and make eye contact with is quite normal. We are a social species, it would be so weird not to be friendly, even to strangers, for me, and I'm not even that social of a person."

"What really gets me to it is not that Americans do small talk constantly, but the fact that they are so good and fast at it. I mean, I say 'yeah, it's hot,' and they reply with some interesting fact or make a connection to their hometown. I feel less of myself after this. They must have some small talk class in school or some sh*t."

13. They like to point

"I've always observed my US friends like to point at stuff while walking and say what it is…. We were out walking around Amsterdam recently and they were like 'hey look it's a smoke shop'…. 'Oh look a sex shop'…. 'Oh hey, it's a prostitute' …. 'Look at the canal'…. 'Wow it's another prostitute'….. 'another canal' etc etc. It was like watching Netflix with Audio Descriptions turned on."

"You know that little voice inside your head, your internal monologue? Americans seem to monologue their thoughts."

14. Optimism and enthusiasm

"Dunno in all context, but Americans in Europe stand out with their ceaseless optimism and enthusiasm."

"I'm reminded a lot of Ted Lasso. Everyone I know (all Americans) loves the show. I wonder what kind of European fan base it has."

"Americans are so positive and have such a thirst for life. It sickens me."

15. They eat while walking

"When I lived in Europe, people said only Americans eat while walking. I'd be eating a bagel or something on the way to work or class, and multiple people asked if I was American lol."

"Jay Leno said on Top Gear, I think it was, that Americans are also the only people who eat while driving. I don't do this, but I constantly see people who do, haha, especially in LA, where people spend a lot of time in their cars."

From Your Site Articles

americans

Culture

Non-Americans share 15 things that left them utterly bewildered when they visited America

The way we just scrape our food into the sink after meals.

america, usa, american culture, europe, culture, americans, europeans, americans abroad, tourists, immigrants

Derek Wolfgram/Flickr & Canva Photos

People are sharing the weirdest things that are considered normal in America.

For better or worse, it's easy for all of us to find ourselves in a bubble. We're surrounded by a certain way of thinking, a certain lifestyle, and a certain perspective on cultural norms. Because of this, we can get caught up thinking the people outside of our little bubble are weird or different, and that the strange ways they might do things are flat out wrong or bizarre. This is especially common in the United States. The world, in a lot of ways, is America-centric. Most anywhere we go, people will speak English, accept our currency, and know who Taylor Swift is.

But the truth is that there's a big wide world out there, full of vastly different cultures and ways of life! And have we ever stopped to think...maybe we're the weird ones?

A recent thread on Reddit posed the question, "What is something Americans consider normal, but people from other countries find it disturbing?"

Here are the best responses on things that are normal in the U.S. but considered strange, shocking, horrifying, or just plain weird elsewhere.

1. Portion sizes

america, usa, american culture, europe, culture, americans, europeans, americans abroad, tourists, immigrants, large portion sizes American portion sizes are colossal.Canva Photos

"The portion thing always makes me laugh now since I learned Europeans apparently dont do leftovers from restaurants. I get that if you're used to a restaurant portion being something you always eat all of in one sitting our portions probably seem ridiculous. ... As a big dude who eats a ton just to live, I'm glad our portions are what they are," one user wrote.

A 2016 article in Vice cited a study conducted at the Jean Mayer USDA Human Nutrition Research Center on Aging at Tufts University in Boston that found "92 percent of American restaurant meals—including meals served at both chain and non-chain restaurants—contains way too many calories." According to the researchers, single-meal servings (i.e. excluding beverages, appetizers, and desserts), regularly exceeded recommended calorie requirements, meaning a single meal could provide the average person's caloric requirements for the entire day.

2. Garbage disposals in kitchen sinks

"Yeah, it’s wild how normal they seem here, but elsewhere they’re seen as loud, dangerous, or just plain weird," someone commented.

"They also seem to think we dump large amounts of food waste down them when they’re just meant for small scraps," a user added.

Garbage disposals, indeed, are not often found outside of the United States. In fact, they're outright banned in many European countries. The thinking is that encouraging people to scrape leftover food down the drain places additional stress on the sewage system and harms the environment. Thankfully, though, states such as California have had evolving composting laws in effect to reduce environmental stress caused by food waste, the latest of which went into effect at the start of 2022.

3. Prices don't include tax

Foreigners think it's weird when they come to America and a 99 cent item ends up costing $1.06. Differing sales tax across state lines is partly to blame, but users in the thread were convinced that's only an excuse:

"If the cash register knows the price, then the price sticker machine can be set with the same price. It's really that simple," someone wrote.

tax, taxes, prices, shiopping, america, usa, american culture, europe, culture, americans, europeans, americans abroad, tourists, immigrants, Tax shouldn't be a not-so-fun surprise at the end of your shopping trip. Canva Photos

4. Gaps between restroom stall doors

Visitors from Europe are used to public restroom stalls that are almost completely enclosed. In America, for some strange reason, we love leaving gigantic gaps between the edges of the door, the floor, and the ceiling. Why? There are a few reasons: It's easier to mop under the stalls this way, and less privacy means it's harder for folks to get away with doing sketchy things in the stalls. But either way, a lot of people don't like it.

"I once cried during a layover in the US because I needed to empty my menstrual cup after 12+ hours of traveling, and you could literally just see into every stall. Plus I need to squat down to do it, and the doors ended at my knees. A random lady saw me panicking and when I said the stalls weren't private enough, she said "awwwwe, are you European?"

5. So. many. commercials.

"I had a British friend ask why were there so many commercials during an episode of Family Guy," one user wrote.

"And the content of those commercials. Apparently it's only American doctors who need their patients to ask about some amazing new medication that has crazy side effects," another added.

6. We get healthcare through our jobs

It always struck me as funny that a country that supposedly loves entrepreneurs and small business owners makes it so incredibly dangerous to leave your job for any reason. It's even more shocking to people from, well, almost any other developed country.

"This job pays like shit and I hate it, but if I quit my essential medication won't be covered until I get hired somewhere else, so I can't risk it!" one user joked.

7. Worrying about the cost of the doctor

america, americans, weird things in america, healthcare, medical, doctors, budget, expensive A trip to the doctor shouldn't break the bank.Canva Photos

At least a quarter of adults regularly skip necessary medical care because they're worried about how much it costs. Visitors from abroad are utterly horrified by the thought of having to consider whether potentially life-saving procedures fit the budget.

8. Cashiers don't sit down

People who work the cash register generally sit down in most parts of the world, including Europe. It's more comfortable and ergonomic, and, in fact, there's something called Right to Sit that guarantees this benefit.

In America, cashiers are often forbidden from sitting down while working, which comes as a big surprise to foreigners.

9. HOAs

HOAs exist in some parts of the world, but they are particularly intense in America. It can be a bucket of cold water for people who move here from abroad.

"A client of mine had a sick husband. He unfortunately passed away. She leaves her garbage cans out during this time and begins to get fined by the HOA everyday her cans are left out, and letters posted on her door," one user shared.

10. School children reciting the Pledge of Allegiance

america, usa, american culture, europe, culture, patriotism, pledge of allegiance This totally isn't weird at all. Right?Canva Photos

Some countries around the world have their own version of the Pledge of Allegiance. What's extremely rare is a democracy forcing children to recite their loyalty every morning and even face punishment if they refuse.

"Did a student exchange [in the US] when I was 17 and got detention on my first day for not saying it. I didn’t know it, but even if I did… It’s not my country! Tried so hard to politely explain that to the teacher and they wouldn’t have a bar of it," one commenter shared.

11. Our obsession with grass lawns

The love, nay, obsession, with lawns found in the America suburbs is not a global phenomenon. A lot of foreigners find it to be extremely strange, and a little disturbing. But there is a bright side:

"As a married, middle aged man with 3 kids, ill let everyone in on a little secret: Its the only time we get to ourselves... It also is really satisfying. But the actual reason behind why it became a thing is rooted in the classwar and racism like everything else in this country," one user wrote.

12. Declawing cats

Optional or cosmetic surgeries on pets are pretty unique to America, all things considered:

"Docking tails, and clipping ears, and dew claw removal on dogs, too! Our miniature pinscher has had all three done to her by her previous owner, and it's just so needlessly cruel. She didn't need any of those surgeries," someone wrote.

13. Wearing shoes in the house

shoes in the house, shoes, america, americans, weird, culture It's a choice. Canva Photos

Shoes in the house is not uniquely American, but it's more common here than most other places around the world.

"This is insane and nasty. The city I live in unfortunately has a lot of shit — and I don’t mean from dogs — on the ground. Wearing shoes in the house is disgusting," someone wrote.

Personally, I love wearing shoes in the house—otherwise I'd constantly be stubbing my toes!

14. Circumcision

Again, a few other places around the world perform circumcisions, usually for religious reasons, but America is unique in the way it has become the default choice for almost every boy regardless of religion or background. Europeans, in particular, find this practice extremely strange.

"So glad I didn’t do this to my son. My fiancée’s family gave me serious backlash for choosing not to because all of the boys on her side of the family are circumcised. I simply told them that I am not a barbarian and I don’t care what they think," one user wrote.

15. Sugar in weird places

america, usa, american culture, europe, culture, sugar America loves extra sugar in savory foods.Canva Photos

A lot of food items on American shelves include tons of added sugar and high fructose corn syrup. You expect to see it in soda, candy, and desserts. But bread? Pasta sauce? Why is there so much sugar in everything?

Sugar is used regularly in America to enhance flavor and work as a preservative, whereas the practice isn't as common in many other countries.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

From Your Site Articles

america

Kids

People share 36 of the most beautiful first names they've ever heard

"It just sounds so melodic."

names, name tag, beautiful names, beautiful name, pretty names

Image via Milan Radulovic's Image

A list of the most beautiful names.

There is a lot of pressure to name a baby the absolute *perfect* name. And for many, the goal is to come up with a seriously beautiful name that is unique-sounding—a name that will stick with you forever.

Looking through baby names lists can help. But to get more ideas on beautiful names, a person posed the question on Reddit: "What’s the most beautiful first name you’ve ever heard?"

The crowd-sourced name-inspo led to a detailed and distinctive list of beautiful baby names, with many noting that the majority were for baby girls. "I love that 90% of these are women's names, meanwhile men are like this is my boy Daryl," one commenter joked.

These are 36 of the most beautiful names people can think of:

"I saw a best guy employers name tag: Orion." - spaceshiplazer

"I used to know a woman called Isis, thought it was beautiful to be named after a goddess, now its just unfortunate." - ShireNorse

"I knew two Muslim sisters back in the 4th grade. One was Neda and her sister was Nezerine. I have always thought Nezerine was one of the prettiest names I have ever heard." - a-passing-crustacean

"When I was a kid I was obsessed with 'Swan Princess' and I thought the name Odette was beautiful lol idk if it’s even real." - messyowl

odette, name odette, swan princess, swan princess gif, odette gif Princess Odette Girl GIF by The Swan Princess Giphy

"My sister's childhood friend's grandfather's name was Diogenes. He was a very nice old bloke too, so maybe I just associate the name with a friendly face. Nonetheless, it's both a strong name, and a beautiful name." - MrSlipperyFist

"Met a guy who said his name was Levi. Eventually I noticed he had a tattoo of a sea dragon. I asked him about it, and he told me it was for his name, because Levi was short for Leviathan. Coolest name ever." - Weird-is-norm

"My therapist's name is Althea, I think it’s so lovely." - FroggySpirit

"Vivienne - I find the French spelling the prettiest, it just sounds so melodic." - Looktothecookiee

"Genevieve in French pronunciation, like Genevieve Bujold (actress) is a fantastic name." - FlamingoRare8449

"I knew a woman named Eleanora which sounds so beautiful when pronounced by Italians." - CursingWhileCrafting

"Tbh most of the flower names like: Dahlia, Iris, Rose, Jasmine, Lily, Ivy, Alyssa." - frizzyno

rose, rose name, rose gif, pretty rose, roses Rose GIF Giphy

"Violet." - garythegyarados

"Met an Italian girl named Alessandra. That was 30 years ago and it's still in my brain as the most beautiful name I've ever heard." - Mothman

"Isildur." - Few_Image7673

"Aurelia." - worstnameIeverheard

"Evelyn is so pretty to me." - 1mALittl3N0tStraight

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"'Derry Girls' made me absolutely love Orla." - sarathev

"Noelle. 'Her name is Noelle I have a dream about her she rings my bell'." - Special-Strategy7225

"'Sailor Moon' made me fall in love with Serena. I also really like Celeste, Aria and Evangeline (no one but me seems to appreciate the last one lol). They were on my short list of baby names but I went with another fav." - endoftheworldvibe

sailor moon, sailor moon gif, sailor moon name, sailor moon names, sailor moon anime sailor moon GIF Giphy

"The Māori name Anahera." - lizzietnz

"Seraphina. Heard it at coffee shop and it stopped me dead. Sounds like angels and fire rolled into one." - Twisted_Metalx

"Leilani was always pretty to me." - MathTutorAndCook

"There are so many, but I’ve always loved ‘Aurora’ ......it sounds magical and brings to mind the dawn and the northern lights." - Special_You_7103

"River Phoenix most beautiful name I heard." - Mona_Mour__

river phoenix, river phoenix, gif, river phoenix name, river, river name river phoenix 80s GIF Giphy

"Adelaide, my Mama's name." - Cantretiresoonenough

"Clementine." - iamnotasheep

"Lydia. I just love it for some reason." - Beautifulone_2

This article originally appeared last year

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beautiful names

Family

Millennials share their boomer parents’ most baffling and laugh out loud habits

"My mom is ALWAYS telling me about dead people I’ve never met. I really do not care."

boomers, boomer parents, millennials, xennials, gen x, gen z, generational humor, generational differences, boomer habits

Photo credit: Canva

Smiling man texting on phone, singing off with "From, Dad."

When it comes to intergenerational conflict, you never hear too much about Gen Z having a hard time with Generation X or the silent generation having beef with the baby boomers. However, there seems to be a recurring problem where baby boomers and millennials just can’t get on the same page.

Maybe it’s because millennials were raised during the technological revolution and therefore have to help their boomer parents log into Netflix, while the grandparents get frustrated when their adult children don't know how to do basic homemaking and maintenance tasks. There’s also a political divide: Millennials are a reliable liberal voting bloc, whereas boomers are the target demographic for Fox News. Both generations also have differing views on parenting, with boomers favoring an authoritative style over the millennials' gentler approach, which leads to a ton of conflict within families.

With all these blatant fundamental differences, it's no wonder that Xennials (aka older Millennials and younger Gen Xers born between 1977 and 1983) were easily able to share some quirks of their Boomer parents.

The list contained things both frustrating and endearing. One common example was how millennials were fed up with their parents' inability to use technology, yet were equally touched when their parents opted for actual greeting cards.

Of course, it is reductive to reduce generations into a series of stereotypes, whether it’s Millennials or Boomers. But, for many, hearing that they aren’t the only person who gets frustrated with their boomer parents can be pretty cathartic and make them feel less alone.

Here are 15 Boomer parent quirks that Millennials just don’t understand.

1. They save everything

boomers, boomer parents, millennials, xennials, gen x, gen z, generational humor, generational differences, boomer habits All of this will be ours one day. Yay. Photo credit: Canva

"They save EVERYTHING (containers, jars, boxes, etc.) just in case they might be able to use it for something later. I feel like this habit was handed down from our grandparents' Great Depression upbringing."

"Absolutely! Shopping bags, empty yogurt containers, boxes that some product came in…..although I love me a 'good box!' I have all my iPhone boxes for no reason."

You know the old saying: Is she really a grandma if she doesn't rinse out used plastic baggies to save for later?

2. Scary texts

"Will text something foreboding like 'we need to talk;' then turns out she forgot a recipe."

"My dad will text me 'You need to call me right now' when it’s nothing. And not tell me major life events until well after the fact. Like my aunt had a heart attack and I found out a week later from her son. (And my dad did know.)"

It's true, generations have been battling over tone and punctuation in texts for years.

3. Stranger death toll

boomers, boomer parents, millennials, xennials, gen x, gen z, generational humor, generational differences, boomer habits Elderly woman with white hair on phone, sharing a story about a dead person her child has never met. Photo credit: Canva

"My mom is ALWAYS telling me about dead people I’ve never met. I really do not care. I know that sounds awful, but I don’t have it in me to be sad for everyone on the planet when they pass."

“You remember my friend Carol? Her aunt had that above-ground swimming pool in her backyard. We swam in it a couple times one summer when you were about 9. Anyway, Carol’s mom just lost her brother-in-law. They were very close. Thought you’d want to know.”

4. They don't travel

"They act jealous of us traveling but refuse to go anywhere."

"Ooh good one. Mine act jealous of anything we do/buy that they can't solely because they can't get out of their own way and actually make things happen."

And, in general, they have more money and time to make it happen! But they often insist on being homebodies, to their own chagrin.

5. They print everything

"My Boomer FIL prints out EVERYTHING from his computer. I understand printing out instructions or recipes to help remember but do you really need a file cabinet full of forwarded emails from friends and sale adverts from 5 years ago? Oh well, at least he keeps it organized. Also, both TVs in the house run 24/7 playing reruns of 'CSI: Who Gives a Sh*t Anymore?'"

"I'm not on Facebook, but my dad is. Last year, he made a celebratory post on my birthday and all his church friends liked and commented on it. He printed up the post and all of the comments, stapled it into a little book, and MAILED me the printed Facebook comments..."

6. 'From, dad' texts

"My dad sends text messages with, 'From, Dad' at the end of them. It cracks me up every time. He also states who he is every time he calls me."

This has to be one of the more endearing things the boomers do. Please never stop.

7. Irrational fears

boomers, boomer parents, millennials, xennials, gen x, gen z, generational humor, generational differences, boomer habits Surprised elderly man in blue shirt against a yellow background.Photo credit: Canva

"One quirk my dad had was that he was deathly afraid of the house burning down. Not from the standpoint of the danger of fire but when he was growing up, if your house burnt down, you were basically homeless and destitute. My mom is much more level headed about it. She always told my dad, that is why we have homeowners insurance."

8. Expired food

"My mother-in-law doesn't throw out expired food. She has food in her pantry that is several years past their expiration dates. Same with condiments in her fridge. You just can't trust any of the food she has on hand because more than likely than not it's way expired. When we have brought this up, that she needs to throw some stuff out, she insists it's absolutely fine. It's not. "

"My grandmother is the same way. Once, she opened her refrigerator, and there was a jar of pickles with mold floating on the surface of the liquid. I pointed it out, and she said it was still good. She would just scoop the mold out at a later time. She has an incredibly strong stomach and immune system."

They also love to stock up on and freeze certain staples, even milk.

9. Smartphone addiction

boomers, boomer parents, millennials, xennials, gen x, gen z, generational humor, generational differences, boomer habits Elderly woman in pink shirt using a smartphone on a garden swing.Photo credit: Canva

"You always hear a kids 'these kids always on their damn phones.' But when it comes to phone addiction, boomers are far worse."

"My mom drives five hours to see us, then spends the whole time texting people from her church or looking at Facebook."

"I once sat in their living room for over an hour before they decided to put their phones down and speak to me, only to phub me and pick them right back up."

It's not the Gen Alpha kids keeping Bejewled in business!

10. Rigid gender roles

"My dad still clings to the traditional division of 'men's/women's work.' He'll fix a car, do any outside work, clean out a clogged drain. Cooking? If it's any more complicated than making coffee or calling in a pizza, he can't/won't. I don't think he even grills anymore. Laundry? Hell no. Taking care of small children? He'll play with them but that's it."

11. The TV is constantly on

boomers, boomer parents, millennials, xennials, gen x, gen z, generational humor, generational differences, boomer habits TV for waking. TV for sleep. Photo credit: Canva

"In-laws leave the TV on for all waking hours. And FIL gets irritated if someone talks over the episode of MASH or Walker, Texas Ranger, that he's already seen 50 times. Like clenching his teeth and stomping the floor."

"TV on 24/7. Constantly flipping between some version of Law and Order, HGTV, and Guy Fieri. Asking me 'did you see that commercial where…' No mom. I don’t have cable. I don’t see commercials. All of the time."

12. They are always right

"My dad...he's has to be right about everything and doesn't know what to do if you beat him to the point on something. He once was giving me a recipe that required cinnamon, cardamon, and clove and told me just to use Pumpkin Pie Spice! It's the greatest thing! 'Dad, I don't need to. I have all those spices on hand (I bake)' But...no! You have to use this. 'No, I don't. I don't need to buy something that I already have" It happens all the time."

"My parents are always right and they are not impressed about anything."

13. Obsessed with the weather

"Yes, my dad should have been a meteorologist. He used to have a weather alert radio that would sound off in the middle of the night and he would watch the weather channel constantly. We all had to quiet down when your local weather forecast on the 8's came on. He gets really excited about severe weather like when we might get thunderstorms or a tornado."

There's nothing quite like the thrill a boomer gets from relentlessly tracking every movement of an oncoming storm that will probably amount to some rain and little else.

14. One more thing

"Without fail, every time I'm leaving my mother's house and backing down the driveway, she comes back out of her house and stops me to say something else, even though we'd just spoken."

15. Mail stress

boomers, boomer parents, millennials, xennials, gen x, gen z, generational humor, generational differences, boomer habits Elderly man using a magnifying glass to read a piece of mailPhoto credit: Canva

"My mom has an anxiety attack during the entire journey of a package or piece of mail she dispatched to me. No, she doesn’t know how to track. She will not rest until she knows that a package has arrived or a nominal check has been cashed. She calls when she is thinking about sending something, when she sent it, when it’s en route, and when it’s expected to arrive. God forbid it’s late. And if I don’t issue a prompt thank you, she will guilt me."

It all makes you wonder what new conflicts will pop up when the Millennials become grandparents, and the Gen Z and Gen Alpha kids are the ones doing the griping. Probably that millennials will continue to insist on Googling things when traditional search engines have long been replaced, or that the 90s and 2000s kids will never stop listening to Lil Jon-era hip hop, no matter how old they get and how inappropriate it becomes.

Guess we'll see. Stay tuned!

This story originally appeared last year.

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Mom is totally humiliated after her kindergartner tells the teacher what she does for work

She was clearly mortified.

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via Canva/Photos

A mom is embarrassed by her child.

One of the great joys and stresses of parenting is that you never know what will come out of your child’s mouth. When you have young, inquisitive kids, they can say really inappropriate things to people without realizing they were being rude or possibly offensive. TikTok influencer Aurora McCausland (@auroramccausland), known for her DIY cleaning tips, recently told a funny story on the platform about how her son believes she makes a living. The problem was that she heard about it from her child's teacher.

Mom is embarrassed by her child

“The other day, I went and picked my five year old up from school and when I get to his classroom his teacher pulls me inside and says, ‘Hey, today he wanted to tell us about what Mommy does for work and said that Mommy makes videos in her bedroom but only when I'm [he’s] not at home,” McCausland recalled.

@auroramccausland
so this wasn’t on my bingo card 🥲 #momlife #momtok #sahm #sahmlife #funnyvideo #fypシ

Given her body language while telling the story, McCausland was clearly mortified after hearing what her child said to his teacher. It makes it look like she may be posting videos to adult sites while her child is at school, which most people wouldn’t want their son’s teacher to know about.

The good news is that another teacher was there to clarify the young boy's comments by adding, “I think she makes TikTok videos.” The uncomfortable situation was a great invitation to chat with her son about what she does for a living. “So I have to have a conversation with my son about how he tells people what I do for work,” she finished her video.

K teacher, kindergartner teacher, school, happy teacher, young teacher, A kindergarten teacher.via Canva/Photos

The funny video went viral, earning over 1.7 million views on TikTok, and inspired many people to share the times when their children had funny ways of explaining their careers. The commenters were a great reminder to parents everywhere that if your child says something embarrassing, it's ok, just about everyone has been through it.

Moms share their most embarrassing moments

A lot of parents spoke up in the comments to show McCausland that she's not the only one to feel embarrassed in front of her child's teacher.

"My son told everyone that we were homeless (because we don’t own our home, we rent)," KBR wrote.

"I work in ortho.. my daughter told her teacher I steal people's knees bc she heard me talking to my husband about a knee replacement," Aingeal wrote.

"My son told a teacher we were living in our car over the summer. Camping. We went camping," Kera wrote.

"In kinder, my son thought Red Bull was alcohol and told his teacher I liked to have beer on the way to school," Ashley wrote.

embarassed moms, humility, funny kids, funny mom, woman in yellow, A mom is embarrassed by her child.via Canva/Photos

My niece told her teacher her mom and dad work at the wh*re house. They work at the courthouse," Ellis wrote.

"My husband works as a table games dealer at a casino. Kindergartener, 'Daddy's a Dealer!' We now start every school year clearly stating he works at the casino," CMAC

"My son said we lived in a crack house…There’s a tiny chip in the wall from the doorknob," KNWerner wrote.

"My dad is a hospice chaplain and officiates a lot of funerals. My son and nephew were asked by their preschool teacher if their papa was retired or had a job. They told her his job was to kill people," Tiffyd wrote.

"My son said "my dad left me and I'm all alone" to a random person at the zoo. My husband was just at work," Shelby.
"I am now in my 70s. In my gradeschool, during the McCarthy era, I told my teacher my dad was a communist. He was an economist," Crackerbelly wrote.

"In Kindergarten, my daughter told her teacher that mommy drinks and drives all the time. Coffee. From Starbucks," Jessica wrote.

"Well I once told my kindergarden teacher a man climbs over our fence to visit my mom when her husband is not home... It was a handy man who came to fix gates when they were stuck," Annie wrote.

Ultimately, McCausland’s story is a fun reminder of how children see things through their own unique lens and, with total innocence, can say some of the funniest things. It’s also a great warning to parents everywhere: if you aren’t clear with your kids about what you do for a living, you may be setting yourself up for a very embarrassing misunderstanding. So, even if you think they know what you do ask them as see what they say, you could save yourself from a lot of embarrassment.

This article originally appeared last year and has been updated.

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