Here are some practical and important ways white Americans can fight for racial justice

Hey, fellow white Americans. It’s been a week. Many of us are horrified by the murder of George Floyd and Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor and other Black Americans and are finally coming around to seeing how real the issue of racism is in our country. We hear our friends who aren’t white asking us…

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ArrayPhoto credit: Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

Hey, fellow white Americans.

It’s been a week. Many of us are horrified by the murder of George Floyd and Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor and other Black Americans and are finally coming around to seeing how real the issue of racism is in our country. We hear our friends who aren’t white asking us to take action. We may recognize that we have a responsibility to do more than simply “not be racist,” but we may not be sure where to begin or what action looks like in practical terms.

Welcome to the world of anti-racism.

The goal here is to dismantle racism in our systems and institutions, as well as root it out within ourselves. As inheritors of a country built with the labor of enslaved Black people on land stolen from Indigenous people—a country whose systems were designed by and for white people—racism comes with the territory. None of us are immune.

Don’t take it personally. We didn’t choose our skin any more than anyone else, and this isn’t about “guilt.” But we inherited a racial legacy, and we have a responsibility to see where we benefit from it. We also have a responsibility to use our power and privilege to repair the damage that racial legacy has done and keeps doing.


A simple definition of racism used in racial justice work is “prejudice + power.” Most of us are fairly clear on what prejudice entails —stereotyping, profiling, discriminating, etc.—but many of us struggle with what the power part means for us. And that’s the part that we can utilize to enact desperately needed systemic change.

We may not consciously realize it, but white Americans, as a collective, have more power than any other single group to either maintain or change things. And we also have individual power that we can wield for better or for worse.

Keep in mind that none of this is simple. Since we’re trying to build an equitable and just society—which we’ve literally never seen in this country or arguably anywhere on this planet—we’re all in learning mode. But a lot of work has been done by racial justice advocates and activists to determine how white folks can contribute most effectively to this work.

Though not an exhaustive list, here are some practical ways we can use our power to push for racial justice on an ongoing basis.

Use the power of PRIVILEGE to disrupt incidents of racial injustice.

White privilege means your skin color offers you a certain measure of protection in our society—and that privilege can be used as a tool. That might mean stepping in with your voice when you witness injustice happening, knowing that a fellow white person or person in authority is more likely to listen to you than a person of color. Sometimes it means physically standing between a person of color and someone who is trying to harm them. We may not think it makes much of a difference, but it does. White folks are less likely to be viewed by other white folks as a threat or a suspect or a potential criminal, and we can physically disrupt racial injustice simply by placing our white self in front of it.

Here’s an example of disrupting injustice with your voice:

Here’s an example of stepping in to shield a person of color with your body:

Use the power of your WALLET to support the work of people of color.

The economic disparity between white and Black Americans is a vast and often overlooked element of racial inequality. From the lack of generational wealth stemming from nearly 250 years of slavery to laws and policies that specifically kept Black people from accumulating wealth, white power-holders in the U.S. created and maintained this disparity. That doesn’t mean all white people are rich and all Black people are poor; it means there’s an ongoing collective disparity caused by racism that needs to be redressed. We can help by financially supporting minority-owned businesses, as well as creators, artists and activists of color.

Use the power of CHOICE to defer to leaders of color in this fight.

We are free to choose how we take action and decide who we listen to. Some of us might feel compelled and eager to lead a movement or launch an initiative ourselves, because that’s how we’re used to taking action. But there are already leaders in this space—powerful, activist people of color who have been at this for a long, long time, whether we’ve realized it or not. This movement doesn’t need us to sweep in as a savior and take over anything. Look into organizations like Color of Change or Showing Up for Racial Justice. Our role is to take direction from the leaders already here, to listen and learn, and to be of service alongside the people who’ve been doing this work in ways that they tell us are most helpful.

Use the power of your PLATFORM to elevate voices of people of color.

Social media gives us the opportunity to speak publicly any time we wish. Most of us have fairly homogenous social circles, even if we live in diverse communities, so exposing our mostly white networks to diverse perspectives helps voices that need to be heard reach further. Start following social media account of people of color (here’s a list of Black thought leaders to start with) and share their posts. When you read an article by a Black author, pass it along. Use the public platform you have to amplify the voices that need to be heard.

Use the power of POLITICAL ACTION to contact lawmakers and demand change.

White people have massive political power. We have always held—and still do hold—a disproportionate number of seats in legislatures (and all governmental positions). And whether we admit it or not, we are the ones who the people at the top listen to first and foremost. We can use that power to push for reform. One place to start right now would be police reform. The Center for Policing Equity is a good resource to explore what kinds of reform to push for.

Use the power of your VOTE to elect anti-racism candidates.

Don’t underestimate the power of voting at all levels—local, state, and national. White folks have always been the largest voting block in the nation, and historically we’ve used that power to elect a disproportionate number of white government officials. Supporting people of color as candidates and voting for candidates with a proven anti-racism track record is one way to shift that power to make our government more representative of the American people.

And local elections are particularly important, as in many localities voters elect sheriffs, prosecutors and judges—positions that directly impact racial justice. If you’re not sure if you’re registered to vote or need to know how to vote in your area, go here.

Use the power of ACCESS to resources to educate yourself.

One thing that becomes woefully clear to as you dive into anti-racism work is how abysmal most of our education on the history of race in our country really is. Like, it’s so bad. I grew up in a household that actively valued education and worked to battle racial prejudice and was still baffled. Most of us don’t learn the full history of white supremacy and how deep those roots run. We aren’t taught that the Confederate states didn’t want to keep slavery primarily because of economics but because—as they announced in no uncertain terms—they believed white superiority over the Black race was and always would be God’s intended purpose. We don’t learn about the bombing of Black Wall Street in the Tulsa Race Massacre of 1921. We don’t learn the details of voter suppression, redlining, or the fact that MLK, Jr. and his activism was disapproved of by most Americans in his lifetime.

And that’s just basic history. We also need to wrap our brains around the psychological, sociological, and economic impacts of racism. It’s a lot, but it’s vital. This link to Anti-Racism Resources for White People is a great place to start with that self-education.

** An important note here: While we need to listen to people of color, don’t ask Black friends to educate you. It is not their job or responsibility to educate us on our own history and our own issues with racism. When we ask a Black person to educate us, we are asking them to do labor for us for free. When you think of it in those terms, it’s pretty clear why it’s problematic.

Anti-racism is everyone’s fight, but we have a unique and vital role in it as white Americans. And if we don’t use our power to actively push our nation toward equity and justice, we don’t just contribute to the problem, we are the problem.

  • Women’s wrestling champion earns praise for going easy on a terrified new wrestler
    Two women facing off to wrestlePhoto credit: Canva
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    Women’s wrestling champion earns praise for going easy on a terrified new wrestler

    When you’re one of the best, it’s easy to get caught up in continuing to prove you’re the best. Displaying your dominance in a sport can be exhilarating as crowds cheer you on. But for one wrestler, fostering a love for the sport is more important. Tamara Humphries is a wrestler at the University of…

    When you’re one of the best, it’s easy to get caught up in continuing to prove you’re the best. Displaying your dominance in a sport can be exhilarating as crowds cheer you on. But for one wrestler, fostering a love for the sport is more important.

    Tamara Humphries is a wrestler at the University of Pittsburgh at Johnstown who goes by the name Firefly. In a recent video, the college wrestler is intently watching as a referee seemingly explains different starting positions to another wrestler. The newcomer looks visibly terrified as she struggles to figure out how to position her body before the match starts.

    wrestling, girls wrestling, culture, pop culture, Firefly, University of Pittsburgh
    Wrestlers in a match. Photo credit: Canva

    Instead of letting things play out and using her own knowledge to her advantage, Humphries intervened. She taps the referee on the shoulder and signals that he doesn’t need to help. That’s when a sweet display of sportsmanship is shown. The championship wrestler starts from the position the other wrestler seems to be most comfortable with. Humphries also uses much less force while wrestling the girl to the mat.

    For some viewers, the more experienced wrestler took it easy on her competitor. Others saw the wrestling match differently and praised the wrestler for her acknowledgement of the girl’s fear while still giving her a match. Humphries isn’t a stranger to the fear she saw on the other wrestler’s face, which may have played into why her response was to be kind.

    The Pittsburgh native didn’t start wrestling until 10th grade. At the time, her inner-city school didn’t have a girls’ wrestling team, so she had to wrestle with the boys. In an old video uploaded to YouTube, Humphries shares how she was terrified the night before her very first match.

    “Listen, before my first match, I’m literally freaking out in my bed, terrified. I’m like, ‘Oh my gosh,’ cause when I was on the team, there was no sanctioned girls wrestling at this moment,” the wrestler reveals in the year-old clip. “So I’m like, okay…I have to wrestle a boy. I’m looking up on YouTube, freaking boy versus girl wrestling, and it’s a bunch of girls getting actually demolished by guys. I’m like ‘oh my gosh, I’m cooked.’”

    Before joining the boys’ wrestling team, she was a cheerleader and ran track. Wrestling was a complete change that she had to take on alone. With girls’ and women’s wrestling starting to catch on, Humphries wants to do her part to make new wrestlers feel welcome.

    In the text overlay of a recent video, she writes, “Shout out to this super brave girl. This sport is terrifying! Never be afraid to start something new. We all start somewhere.”

    Viewers of the kind video heap praise on the young college athlete.

    One person writes, “U definitely took it easy on her and that was a very noble thing to do. Ive seen other clips of yours and know just how savage you can be when you need to be. You were a great ambassador to the sport for her. Many others would have smelled blood in the water and worked her over.”

    Another says, “This actually made me tear up. Wow. You are a GIRLS GIRL! You gave her a story, one day she’ll tell others, the reason she kept competing is because of this moment. It could’ve gone BAD, but you changed the trajectory. Well done.”

    This commenter adds on to the praise, saying, “I luv this. You showed her grace. Maybe someone did that for you. But it’s possible she can move forward and become better instead of giving up because of this one defining moment. And for you to have that wisdom is why you’re going to move mountains.”

    “Awesome sportsmanship, one of my teammates got clip farmed by a national qualifier this season and it was her first match ever,” another says.

    A coach views the act as a moment to praise both athletes, writing, “You’re great. You know that. You don’t need to show the world all the time. That’s admirable! Can we take a second to praise her? She was clearly scared and nervous. You can see it in her face. But she still went out there and competed. That’s more than most can say. Congrats to both of you from a dusty, old coach.”

    One commenter gushes, “Oh my god she’s trying so hard. This is the most touching thing I’ve seen in so long. You go girls!”

    Humphries reminds people in her caption that women’s wrestling is still new, and praises anyone trying it out: “I love running into people who just started to show them the sport isn’t so bad, with women’s wrestling on the rise, it’s nothing new. Never be afraid to start something new!! You guys are killing it.”

  • A woman was surprised with a party bus for her 60th birthday. She immediately took it to see her own mom battling dementia.
    Mom Michelle celebrates her 60th birthday on a surprise party bus and takes it to visit her mom Jackie, who has dementia and lives in assisted living.Photo credit: TikTok/@daniix3dee (with permission)
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    A woman was surprised with a party bus for her 60th birthday. She immediately took it to see her own mom battling dementia.

    There is only one way to celebrate turning 60—on a party bus. That’s what Danielle DeBernardi and her sister were thinking when they booked one for their mom, Michelle. After the family gathered to celebrate the milestone birthday at a friend’s home, Danielle and her sister had one more surprise waiting outside—a party bus full…

    There is only one way to celebrate turning 60—on a party bus. That’s what Danielle DeBernardi and her sister were thinking when they booked one for their mom, Michelle.

    After the family gathered to celebrate the milestone birthday at a friend’s home, Danielle and her sister had one more surprise waiting outside—a party bus full of family and friends.

    In a series of touching videos, Danielle documented Michelle’s epic 60th birthday, which ended with a tear-jerking visit to a nursing home to see Jackie (a.k.a. Juju), the family matriarch battling dementia.

    @daniix3dee

    Mom asked if the party bus could go see My grandma in a nursing rehab facility. She has dementia and Alzheimer’s. She was dead asleep when we showed up at 10pm with 10ppl standing in her room ready to party 😂 #motherdaughter #birthdaygirl #queen #nursinghome #partybus

    ♬ Because You Loved Me – Charlotte Ave

    The party bus surprise

    The party bus pulls up as Michelle and her husband wait outside, and when she sees it, Michelle looks shocked. “Is this us?” she asks her daughter, before quipping, “Is there a dancing man in there?”

    When the doors open and she steps on, all 10 of her closest people inside yell, “Surprise!” Michelle appears overwhelmed with emotion and starts hugging each person on the bus.

    They take Michelle to dinner, and then Michelle has a special request: to go visit Juju.

    @daniix3dee

    Get that party bus !!! Happy 60th birthday mom! We love you so much!! #partybus #60thbirthday #mom #party #letsgo

    ♬ original sound – Danielle DeBernardi

    The nursing home visit

    The ladies are living it up on the bus. They can be seen singing and dancing to songs like Pat Benatar’s “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” and Madonna’s “Like a Virgin.”

    Once they arrive at the nursing home, it’s all about Juju. Michelle can be seen sitting on her mom’s bed. Then she hops in with her, feeding her Häagen-Dazs ice cream and laughing together.

    “POV: you get your mom a party bus for her 60th birthday and you ask her where she wants to go, and she says she wants to go see her mom at the nursing facility so you pull up in a party bus with 10 people at 10:00 at night and all go inside to see juju,” Danielle captioned the video.

    It’s a moment Danielle and the family will never forget.

    “Having four generations together in that nursing home room for my mom’s 60th birthday meant more than words can fully express,” Danielle tells Upworthy.

    She continues, “Seeing my mom, her mother, myself and my daughter all in one place was such a powerful reminder of love, family, and the moments that truly matter. It was simple, but incredibly meaningful—a memory I’ll carry in my heart forever.”

    @daniix3dee

    Replying to @tranquil_tributes your wish is my command 🥰 the video with no music #motherdaughter #nursinghome #partybus #queen #60thbirthday

    ♬ original sound – Danielle DeBernardi

    Viewers react

    The sweet video struck an emotional chord with viewers, who shared their thoughts in the comments:

    “60 years ago, they sat in a hospital similar to this situation and your grandma fed her. What a beautiful full circle moment!!! 😭😭😭”

    “Made me sob! I’d give anything to be able to go see my mom on my 60th. God bless your mom and grandmother ❤️❤️❤️”

    “I hope my kids still love me this much some day 🥹”

    “Aww..she just wanted her momma🥹🥰”

    “At the end of the day, no matter the age, we all just want our mamas.”

    “What I would do to lay in a bed with my momma again🥺 What an awesome moment for them 2.”

    “Im SOBBING 😭😭😭😭 Life is precious, short, and should be celebrated with ppl who MATTER…. MOMMAS MATTER!”

  • A woman didn’t think she had an accent. A linguist proved her wrong with just one word.
    Who knew the word "bagel" was an accent giveaway?Photo credit: Canva
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    A woman didn’t think she had an accent. A linguist proved her wrong with just one word.

    If you travel around the United States, you’ll find that Americans sound different everywhere you go. If you go from Boston to Birmingham, you’ll hear a big contrast in dialects and accents. Going from Seattle to San Diego, the differences would be much smaller, but they’d still be there. Some people don’t think they have…

    If you travel around the United States, you’ll find that Americans sound different everywhere you go. If you go from Boston to Birmingham, you’ll hear a big contrast in dialects and accents. Going from Seattle to San Diego, the differences would be much smaller, but they’d still be there.

    Some people don’t think they have an accent at all. It’s common for Americans outside the South and Northeast to believe they speak “normally,” unaware of the geographic “tells” in how they pronounce certain words. But as linguist Carson Woody demonstrates, sometimes just a single word can reveal where in the U.S. a person is from.

    A woman shared a social media trend in which people say three words that supposedly indicate where they’re from. She said she didn’t think she had an accent, but she only got as far as saying “bagel.” That’s okay, Woody said, because that was all he needed to clock her hometown.

    “Baby girl, you sound like the Pope,” Woody said. Sure enough, like Pope Leo XIV, she’s from Chicago.

    Woody said he understood what she meant when she said she didn’t think she had an accent.

    “A lot of people use the term ‘accent’ when referring to someone who has a distinct accent from them,” he said. “Like, ‘You have an accent, I don’t. Because you’re not from here and I am.’ You’re saying you don’t think you have an identifiable, regional accent. But linguistically, when we say, ‘an accent,’ what we’re talking about is just how you pronounce things. If you speak, you have an accent.”

    He explained that the way she pronounced the “a” in “bagel” gave away her location. He also shared that none of the various pronunciations of words are right or wrong.

    “Every accent, every dialect, every language, the way everybody speaks around the world are all equally valid and beautiful,” he said.

    What’s the difference between an accent and a dialect?

    As Woody said, an accent is the way words are pronounced. A dialect is broader, encompassing not only pronunciation but also grammar and vocabulary.

    So just how many dialects are there in American English? More than you might think. It’s hard to pin down an exact number because it depends on how broad or specific you want to get. Linguists recognize somewhere between three and 24 (or more) distinct American English dialects in the U.S. Within those dialects, there are hyperlocal pronunciation variations as well.

    For instance, there are some commonalities among Midwestern accents, but someone from Chicago will pronounce certain words differently than someone from northern Minnesota.

    Woody even shared how a dialect can practically—and in some cases actually—become a totally different language:

    Everybody has one

    As Woody pointed out, everyone has an accent. People in the comments even shared some metaphors that help illustrate this point:

    “Saying, ‘I don’t speak with an accent’ is like saying ‘I don’t type with a font.’”

    “Someone told me once to think of accents like fonts, you can’t really write or type without a font lol, everyone has their own accent that shows your heritage, family, origins, or even sometimes your personality. Humans are pretty cool.”

    “‘I don’t have an accent, everyone else does.’ ‘I don’t have a location, everyone else does.’ Same energy.”

    “If you eat you have a diet, and if you speak you have an accent.”

    “I had a professor years ago (ASL grammar) who could tell what part of the country someone was from or where they went to college by how they signed or finger spelled words. Even sign languages have accents!”

    And if you’re wondering what the other two words were that supposedly help indicate where you’re from, they’re “milk” and “eggs.” Apparently, ordering breakfast gives a lot away. Isn’t language fun?

    You can follow Carson Woody on YouTube for more linguistics fun.

  • Wife finds an incredibly clever way to find her husband buried in an avalanche
    Michael Harris before the avalanche. Photo credit: GoFundMe
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    Wife finds an incredibly clever way to find her husband buried in an avalanche

    Michael Harris was on his final run on the ski slopes at Stevens Pass in the Cascade Mountains on February 26 when tragedy struck—he was caught in an avalanche. “Because I was on skis, I got caught between two slabs,” he told FOX 13 Seattle. Harris was buried in a snow hole and remained upright.…

    Michael Harris was on his final run on the ski slopes at Stevens Pass in the Cascade Mountains on February 26 when tragedy struck—he was caught in an avalanche.

    “Because I was on skis, I got caught between two slabs,” he told FOX 13 Seattle.

    Harris was buried in a snow hole and remained upright. He tried to free himself by making a swimming motion, but he couldn’t budge. “The sensation was being encased in cement,” he said.

    He was packed so tightly that he couldn’t even grab the phone from his jacket pocket. His wife, Penny, sensed something was wrong when she hadn’t heard from him. “I started freaking out,” she told WSAW-TV. “My texts got more intense, and then I started calling.”

    Harris could feel his phone buzzing in his pocket, but there was nothing he could do. “My mind shifted very quickly to ‘does anyone know that I’m here and how am I going to survive?’” he said.

    Stevens Pass, snow, avalanche, tree, Washington, skiing
    Stevens Pass. Photo credit: Michael Greenlee/Flickr

    Penny had a brilliant solution

    Penny checked the Find My feature on her phone to see whether her husband had moved on the mountain. But his location was static—not typical for a skier. Realizing that if he wasn’t moving, something was very wrong, she contacted the ski patrol and gave them his location. “They were able to take my location and get a snapshot of it and pinpoint pretty much where he was,” she said.

    After being stuck in the snow for four hours, Harris was rescued. Ski patrol was shocked to find him still conscious. Harris’ body temperature had dropped into the 70s, and he was severely hypothermic. Throughout the harrowing experience, all he could think about was his family.

    “The thing I was hoping is that I’d get to see her [his wife] and my four kids one more time,” he said. “They were the only thing I thought about.”

    Harris was alive, but he sustained several serious injuries in the avalanche. His daughter, Lauren, posted an update on GoFundMe about his condition. “A full trauma was called,” she wrote. “After various labs and imaging, my dad only sustained a contusion of his lung, pneumonia, injuries to his kidneys, and a right tibial plateau fracture.”

    snow, avalanche, tree, Washington, skiing, hospital,
    Michael Harris in the hospital. Photo credit: GoFundMe

    The avalanche came at a terrible time for the family

    Harris is expected to make a full recovery, but his injuries couldn’t have come at a worse time. He is currently between jobs, and his recovery will delay any return to work. So, his family set up a GoFundMe page to help them through this difficult time. It has already raised over $36,000 toward a goal of $40,000.

    “I have started a GoFundMe to try and help alleviate some of the medical costs as well additional bills for my family as my dad is the sole provider, and we are unsure how long the road to recovery actually looks. Literally anything helps,” Lauren wrote. 

    When someone is caught in an avalanche and encased in freezing snow, time is of the essence. According to Safeback, about 75% of avalanche deaths occur due to suffocation, and after roughly ten minutes of being trapped in the snow, the risk of asphyxiation increases rapidly.

    Amazingly, Harris survived four hours in freezing conditions without passing out. What a blessing that his quick-thinking wife was able to locate him before he lost his life in the snow.

  • Gen Xers and Boomers recall 18 unforgettable sounds and smells from the ’80s that disappeared
    A landline telephone and a lit cigar.Photo credit: Canva
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    Gen Xers and Boomers recall 18 unforgettable sounds and smells from the ’80s that disappeared

    There are certain sounds and smells that exist across generations, at least so far. The pitter-patter of gentle rain. The musical notes of a bluebird. The scent of sea life in a vast ocean. The fragrant waft of a honeysuckle flower. But many sensory experiences fade with time. A guy on Threads was curious about…

    There are certain sounds and smells that exist across generations, at least so far. The pitter-patter of gentle rain. The musical notes of a bluebird. The scent of sea life in a vast ocean. The fragrant waft of a honeysuckle flower. But many sensory experiences fade with time.

    A guy on Threads was curious about the idea that certain sounds and smells might be specific to different generations. He asked, “What is a sound or smell that doesn’t exist anymore, but 40 years ago was so common it was considered background noise?” Generation Xers and Baby Boomers were ready to answer, offering nearly 4,000 replies.

    Sounds

    “Television static or the sound between radio stations.”

    Here’s a fun fact: In a recent article on WION, journalist Anamica Singh explains that TV and radio static contain remnants of the Big Bang:

    “The static hiss contained at least 1 percent of cosmic microwave background (CMB), a remnant of the birth of the universe 13.8 billion years ago. Not only on TV, but the same noise was also heard on radios. Everyone alive at the time these analogue televisions existed inadvertently time-traveled, in the sense that they witnessed the Big Bang, the universe’s past.”

    “The sound of coins falling into a payphone.”

    “The dial tone when the phone was left off the hook.”

    “The thump of plopping a phone book on the table, followed by the whispery sound of flipping its onion-skin paper pages, and finally the whir-click of dialing a rotary phone.”

    “Typewriter bells.”

    “The sound it made when you push a VHS tape into the VCR.”

    “The sound of the book-charging machine at the library that the librarian would insert the card into to date your books. Made the most satisfying cha-chunk sound.”

    “An analog radio with an extendable antenna sitting in the window ledge, playing a crackly country song by Hank Jr., and the hum of static on TV because somebody touched the dial.”

    Smells

    “The faint but pervasive smell of cigarettes everywhere all the time.”

    A no smoking sign in a restaurant. Photo credit: Canva

    Notably, cities began passing comprehensive laws regulating tobacco use in public spaces. In the mid-1970s, Minnesota enacted one of the first laws requiring restaurants to designate a “smoking area.” By the late 1980s, many other cities and states had followed suit.

    “The hot, dusty aroma of slide projectors and filmstrip machines projecting weird 1960s/70s educational films, floating through the classroom while you were passing notes under desks”

    “The smell of freshly printed dittos.”

    What these commenters are referring to are “ditto” copy machines, often used in schools and churches in the late 20th century.

    “The sound and smell of a disposable flash.”

    “Scratch ‘n’ sniff stickers!”

    “Drakkar Noir”

    This intense scent, a particularly popular men’s cologne in the ’80s, was mentioned a few times.

    Another commenter shared a very specific memory:

    “A Norman Rockwell calendar secured by a pearl-topped push-pin next to a ringing rotary phone, and the calendar smells like bacon grease and fried chicken.”

  • A dad who lost his young son to cancer shared a note on male grief that has gone massively viral
    A father and his young son hold hands while walking.Photo credit: Representative image via Canva
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    A dad who lost his young son to cancer shared a note on male grief that has gone massively viral

    Grief is an unfortunately universal and often inescapable feeling. Yet, due to certain societal norms, it can be harder for some people to embrace or fully work through than for others. In a Reddit post titled “100% Really Sucks,” a man wrote: “About ten years ago, our at the time 9-year-old son died of cancer.…

    Grief is an unfortunately universal and often inescapable feeling. Yet, due to certain societal norms, it can be harder for some people to embrace or fully work through than for others.

    In a Reddit post titled “100% Really Sucks,” a man wrote:

    “About ten years ago, our at the time 9-year-old son died of cancer. Hundreds of people asked my wife how she was doing, offered her support, etc. Lots of people asked me how she was doing, how the kids were doing, and how I had to be strong for her and our two remaining kids. Only a few close male friends asked how I was doing. Not one of my female friends did. Not even my mother. It never occurred to them.

    That really sucked. Not because I don’t think my wife deserved support. Of course she did – but so did I.”

    Reddit post. Photo credit: StreetKindly3614/Reddit

    The good news is that the OP bravely began a difficult discussion that seemed to resonate deeply with many people. The post received over 90,000 upvotes and 2.6 thousand comments. Clearly, people seem ready to talk about it.

    One Redditor noted that they shared a similar experience: “My wife and I divorced – after our marriage she chose drugs and alcohol and I chose to be a dad. People still ask me all the time how she’s doing through everything. She still gets invited to parent/kid meet ups even though the kids live with me 7 days a week. It’s unfair.”

    Another commenter added the importance of including men when an entire family needs support, writing, “It absolutely is unfair. I hope future generations will learn to be more supportive after seeing more great dads in action!”

    What was even more encouraging was that the Reddit community came together not only to commiserate but also to offer hopeful suggestions.

    Another commenter pointed out a similar situation, sharing, “We had a house fire. Lost everything. People in the community donated so many clothes and toiletries for my wife and kids. But nothing for me. One year later and I’m still struggling with wardrobe choices.”

    This Redditor was ready to help, writing, “What size do you wear bro? I have some nice clothes that I never wear I’d be happy to have dry cleaned and sent your way.”

    Not everyone, thankfully, had the same experience, though the post helped some feel a sense of gratitude:

    “My word, reading these comments just makes me appreciate my wife and my mom all the more. They actually support me when I let them know I am hurting or depressed.

    I do have to vocalize that I want the support in the moment because my wife will pick up on the fact that I’m down almost immediately and I’ll tell her I’m just having a down day. I don’t really deal with very bad depression but I do have days where it gets bad and she’s always there for me.

    When I was growing up, my mom never dismissed my feelings, never told me to ‘act like a man’.

    I’m so sorry to hear all of your stories of your struggles. I wish the best for all of you out there dealing with this type of stuff.”

    Society needs to encourage men to open up

    In the article “The Problem of Male Grief” for Psychology Today, Nick Norman, LICSW, discusses what he refers to as a “silent epidemic” among men.

    “According to the CDC, 1 in 10 men experiences anxiety or depression, but less than half reach out for help,” Norman wrote. “They are less likely to seek help for mental or emotional difficulties overall.”

    Norman seems to hit the nail right on the head when it comes to the Reddit post:

    “While there are common ways that men respond to grief, that does not mean that they are actually processing their emotions or coming to a healthy resolution. The real issue is not that men have some other means or manner of grieving. It is that the Western cultural expectation of men discourages grieving altogether.”

    He offered suggestions for men to create healthy spaces for one another:

    “The unspoken rules of oppressive masculinity often lead men to shame those who dare step outside of the limited emotional box we’re given. In this way, we become enemies of our brothers and create more pain when what we need is support. Although we may struggle with our own discomfort, we need to stop shaming other men for weeping and feeling authentically. We have enough challenges in this work. We owe it to one another to buoy each other up, or at least grant each other silent respect.”

    Mindfulness can help

    Jeanette Lorandini, LCSW, founder of Suffolk DBT in New York, spoke to Upworthy about the issue:

    “From a DBT [Dialectical Behavior Therapy] perspective, many boys grow up in environments where their emotions are invalidated. They are often taught very early that showing sadness or vulnerability is a sign of weakness and that they should ‘be strong.’ Over time, this can lead men to learn how to hide their emotions rather than understand or process them. They may become skilled at making their feelings invisible to others, but that does not mean those feelings are not there.”

    To counter this, Lorandini suggested men practice mindfulness to help process their emotions:

    “Mindfulness, a core component of DBT, encourages people to slow down, notice their emotional experience, and give themselves permission to feel sadness rather than push it away. We call that mindfulness of current emotion. When someone does not give themselves these important moments to grieve, they develop what we call inhibitive grief. It doesn’t go away but remains in a ‘holding cell.’ While it may not be a literal prison, it won’t go away until it is experienced. It often will show up in ways such as anger, substance use, working excessively, heavy screen time, or other maladaptive behaviors.”

    She added, “Grief does not require someone to fall apart, but it does require space to be felt. Learning to experience sadness in manageable moments, while continuing to move forward at a balanced pace, can help men process loss in a way that honors both their emotional needs and their role within their family.”

  • Tech strategist shares why algorithms killed ‘taste’ and where to find it now
    A woman at the bookstore and another on her phone.Photo credit: Canva
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    Tech strategist shares why algorithms killed ‘taste’ and where to find it now

    There has been a cultural shift over the past year or so: being at the forefront of social media and Internet culture—or being “chronically online”—is now frowned upon. It’s similar to the ’90s, when bragging about how much TV you watched could get you accused of lacking personality or having lowbrow taste. These days, bragging…

    There has been a cultural shift over the past year or so: being at the forefront of social media and Internet culture—or being “chronically online”—is now frowned upon. It’s similar to the ’90s, when bragging about how much TV you watched could get you accused of lacking personality or having lowbrow taste. These days, bragging about bed-rotting and doomscrolling is akin to being a proud couch potato.

    Why are the chronically online backing away from their iPhones and calling TikTok trend followers tacky? It all comes down to the delivery system.

    In a viral Instagram post, Carmen Vicente, a social strategist in tech, says the shift began when the Internet changed from a place where savvy people pursued their interests on their own to one where culture was spoon-fed through algorithms. There’s a huge difference between sitting at the cultural trough and waiting to be fed by Meta and going out to discover what you authentically enjoy.

    The point is simple: You will never cultivate authentic taste in culture, art, movies, music, fashion, or food if your appetite is curated algorithmically.

    “Fifteen years ago, it required effort and curiosity to discover cool stuff on the Internet,” Vicente says. “But now, and since the advent of algorithms that hinge on economic metrics of success, looking away or elsewhere is the thing that requires effort and curiosity.”

    Vicente continues:

    “Personally speaking, I think taste is the result of your cultural inputs. And to develop good taste, we need to consume a diversity of inputs beyond just the confines of our modern suggestion engines. Simply put, the algorithms are controlled by the institutions. The institutions need to maximize shareholder value. And the more time you spend drinking the Kool-Aid from these fire hoses, the looser your grasp becomes on what is truly interesting, substantive, or moving.”

    A woman scrolling in bed. Photo credit: Canva

    There are myriad definitions of taste, but it’s generally seen as the ability to appreciate things that are culturally and aesthetically valuable.

    In his essay “Of the Standard of Taste,” philosopher David Hume argues that taste is a byproduct of a life rich in experience: “Strong sense, united to delicate sentiment, improved by practice, perfected by comparison, and cleared of all prejudice, can alone entitle critics to this valuable character.”

    Therefore, true taste can’t be developed without real-world experience and cultural inputs that go far beyond what’s delivered via smartphone.

    taste, books, culture, scrolling, algorithms, internet
    A woman at an exercise class. Photo credit: Canva

    The lesson here isn’t hard to figure out: it’s about a life lived shopping in brick-and-mortar stores, spending time outdoors, practicing hobbies that don’t involve screens, and reading books while in the dentist’s waiting room. There are so many incredible cultural treasures we can experience only by being in physical places with real people—where you can stumble upon life-changing culture by accident.

    Taste is a touchy subject, hard to separate from social status, because it often requires resources and connections to access many aspects of culture. However, that’s not an excuse to judge those who strive for an expansive, more refined sense of taste—or who hope others will join them on that journey—as merely performative.

  • A woman in the Philippines filmed herself kissing her knee. The reaction was universal.
    Do you ever kiss your own knee?Photo credit: Canva
    ,

    A woman in the Philippines filmed herself kissing her knee. The reaction was universal.

    Humanity is delightfully diverse, yet we’re also wonderfully the same. For all our differences, many of our fundamental needs, desires, and impulses are universal. One of those impulses? Kissing our own knees, apparently. A six-second TikTok video shared by a young woman in the Philippines demonstrating the phenomenon went wildly viral, racking up more than…

    Humanity is delightfully diverse, yet we’re also wonderfully the same. For all our differences, many of our fundamental needs, desires, and impulses are universal.

    One of those impulses? Kissing our own knees, apparently. A six-second TikTok video shared by a young woman in the Philippines demonstrating the phenomenon went wildly viral, racking up more than 18 million views and 2.7 million likes.

    Rasta G. simply sits on a chair with one foot up on the seat. She suddenly looks down, notices her knee, then gently kisses it. People all around the world said, “Wait, I’m not the only one who does this?”

    Who knew kissing your own knee was such a universal impulse?

    Comment after comment revealed that people do this but had no idea others did, too:

    “So I’m not a weirdo?”

    “I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE.”

    “TikTok slowly make me realize I’m not the only weird one. We ALL weird. 😂”

    “HAHAHAHA why you exposing us.”

    “I knew before you did it.”

    “I’m never alone in my weird experiences. 😭”

    “Not a single unique experience 😭.”

    “More proof that nothing I do is unique and I’m not weird. Thank you. 🙏🙏”

    “So in conclusion we’re all the same just in different fonts.”

    “Kissing knees is universal.”

    “I’m cracking up omg we are all connected.”

    Indeed, others have publicly shared the impulse as well:

    Why, though? What is it about having our knee in our face that makes us want to kiss it? People weighed in on that, too:

    “I have a theory: I think it’s because we don’t see him often so as soon as we see him, we kiss him to show our affection.”

    “I don’t see her often, might as well.”

    “‘Oh haven‘t seen you in a while. 😙’”

    “Its like a long distance relationship.”

    “A lil kiss for encouragement, cause they don’t work very well but they’re doing their best 😅”

    “I mean they help you walk ,so a little thank you😌.”

    “I feel so maternal about my knees.”

    “It’s like kissing your baby’s head.”

    @itsabbywenzel

    why is it every time i sit like this i want to kiss my knee???🫠

    ♬ original sound – user

    Many people said they do the same thing with their shoulders:

    “I do this to my shoulders too 🥹”

    “I’m like that with my bare shoulder hahah – feels comfortable.”

    “I do this 😩. Like I love seeing my shoulder all shiny and smooth. Deserves a kiss fr.”

    Theories about why we kiss our own knees (and shoulders)

    Of course, not everyone does this. But apparently, a whole lot of us do. And the reason why isn’t entirely clear. There are no studies on the subject, and there don’t appear to be masses of people asking their therapists about this habit. It’s just something we do, and people pointed to several potential reasons why:

    • The roundness of our knee looks like a baby’s head. Shoulders do, too—kind of. Perhaps seeing it so close to our face evokes the same urge we get to kiss babies on the top of the head. It could simply be a biological urge being triggered.
    A woman kisses a baby on the top of the head
    Baby heads are irresistibly kissable. Photo credit: Canva
    • It’s a self-soothing behavior. When we were little, our moms, dads, or other caregivers may have kissed our boo-boos, and kids get a lot of boo-boos on their knees. So some of us may automatically associate gentle kisses on the knee with comfort.
    • It’s a way to show our bodies love and gratitude. A lot of the sentiment in the comments is that we don’t really see our knees very often, which is true. So when one is close to our face, we may be reminded of what they do for us. Ask someone with knee problems how important our knees are. It’s a good reminder to give them a little thank-you for their hard work.
    • We’re weird, but no weirder than anyone else. Maybe we’re all just quirky little humans who do random things for no good reason whatsoever. But at least now we know we’re not alone on that front.
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