Here are some practical and important ways white Americans can fight for racial justice

Hey, fellow white Americans. It’s been a week. Many of us are horrified by the murder of George Floyd and Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor and other Black Americans and are finally coming around to seeing how real the issue of racism is in our country. We hear our friends who aren’t white asking us…

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Photo credit: Photo by Clay Banks on UnsplashArray

Hey, fellow white Americans.

It’s been a week. Many of us are horrified by the murder of George Floyd and Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor and other Black Americans and are finally coming around to seeing how real the issue of racism is in our country. We hear our friends who aren’t white asking us to take action. We may recognize that we have a responsibility to do more than simply “not be racist,” but we may not be sure where to begin or what action looks like in practical terms.

Welcome to the world of anti-racism.

The goal here is to dismantle racism in our systems and institutions, as well as root it out within ourselves. As inheritors of a country built with the labor of enslaved Black people on land stolen from Indigenous people—a country whose systems were designed by and for white people—racism comes with the territory. None of us are immune.

Don’t take it personally. We didn’t choose our skin any more than anyone else, and this isn’t about “guilt.” But we inherited a racial legacy, and we have a responsibility to see where we benefit from it. We also have a responsibility to use our power and privilege to repair the damage that racial legacy has done and keeps doing.


A simple definition of racism used in racial justice work is “prejudice + power.” Most of us are fairly clear on what prejudice entails —stereotyping, profiling, discriminating, etc.—but many of us struggle with what the power part means for us. And that’s the part that we can utilize to enact desperately needed systemic change.

We may not consciously realize it, but white Americans, as a collective, have more power than any other single group to either maintain or change things. And we also have individual power that we can wield for better or for worse.

Keep in mind that none of this is simple. Since we’re trying to build an equitable and just society—which we’ve literally never seen in this country or arguably anywhere on this planet—we’re all in learning mode. But a lot of work has been done by racial justice advocates and activists to determine how white folks can contribute most effectively to this work.

Though not an exhaustive list, here are some practical ways we can use our power to push for racial justice on an ongoing basis.

Use the power of PRIVILEGE to disrupt incidents of racial injustice.

White privilege means your skin color offers you a certain measure of protection in our society—and that privilege can be used as a tool. That might mean stepping in with your voice when you witness injustice happening, knowing that a fellow white person or person in authority is more likely to listen to you than a person of color. Sometimes it means physically standing between a person of color and someone who is trying to harm them. We may not think it makes much of a difference, but it does. White folks are less likely to be viewed by other white folks as a threat or a suspect or a potential criminal, and we can physically disrupt racial injustice simply by placing our white self in front of it.

Here’s an example of disrupting injustice with your voice:

Here’s an example of stepping in to shield a person of color with your body:

Use the power of your WALLET to support the work of people of color.

The economic disparity between white and Black Americans is a vast and often overlooked element of racial inequality. From the lack of generational wealth stemming from nearly 250 years of slavery to laws and policies that specifically kept Black people from accumulating wealth, white power-holders in the U.S. created and maintained this disparity. That doesn’t mean all white people are rich and all Black people are poor; it means there’s an ongoing collective disparity caused by racism that needs to be redressed. We can help by financially supporting minority-owned businesses, as well as creators, artists and activists of color.

Use the power of CHOICE to defer to leaders of color in this fight.

We are free to choose how we take action and decide who we listen to. Some of us might feel compelled and eager to lead a movement or launch an initiative ourselves, because that’s how we’re used to taking action. But there are already leaders in this space—powerful, activist people of color who have been at this for a long, long time, whether we’ve realized it or not. This movement doesn’t need us to sweep in as a savior and take over anything. Look into organizations like Color of Change or Showing Up for Racial Justice. Our role is to take direction from the leaders already here, to listen and learn, and to be of service alongside the people who’ve been doing this work in ways that they tell us are most helpful.

Use the power of your PLATFORM to elevate voices of people of color.

Social media gives us the opportunity to speak publicly any time we wish. Most of us have fairly homogenous social circles, even if we live in diverse communities, so exposing our mostly white networks to diverse perspectives helps voices that need to be heard reach further. Start following social media account of people of color (here’s a list of Black thought leaders to start with) and share their posts. When you read an article by a Black author, pass it along. Use the public platform you have to amplify the voices that need to be heard.

Use the power of POLITICAL ACTION to contact lawmakers and demand change.

White people have massive political power. We have always held—and still do hold—a disproportionate number of seats in legislatures (and all governmental positions). And whether we admit it or not, we are the ones who the people at the top listen to first and foremost. We can use that power to push for reform. One place to start right now would be police reform. The Center for Policing Equity is a good resource to explore what kinds of reform to push for.

Use the power of your VOTE to elect anti-racism candidates.

Don’t underestimate the power of voting at all levels—local, state, and national. White folks have always been the largest voting block in the nation, and historically we’ve used that power to elect a disproportionate number of white government officials. Supporting people of color as candidates and voting for candidates with a proven anti-racism track record is one way to shift that power to make our government more representative of the American people.

And local elections are particularly important, as in many localities voters elect sheriffs, prosecutors and judges—positions that directly impact racial justice. If you’re not sure if you’re registered to vote or need to know how to vote in your area, go here.

Use the power of ACCESS to resources to educate yourself.

One thing that becomes woefully clear to as you dive into anti-racism work is how abysmal most of our education on the history of race in our country really is. Like, it’s so bad. I grew up in a household that actively valued education and worked to battle racial prejudice and was still baffled. Most of us don’t learn the full history of white supremacy and how deep those roots run. We aren’t taught that the Confederate states didn’t want to keep slavery primarily because of economics but because—as they announced in no uncertain terms—they believed white superiority over the Black race was and always would be God’s intended purpose. We don’t learn about the bombing of Black Wall Street in the Tulsa Race Massacre of 1921. We don’t learn the details of voter suppression, redlining, or the fact that MLK, Jr. and his activism was disapproved of by most Americans in his lifetime.

And that’s just basic history. We also need to wrap our brains around the psychological, sociological, and economic impacts of racism. It’s a lot, but it’s vital. This link to Anti-Racism Resources for White People is a great place to start with that self-education.

** An important note here: While we need to listen to people of color, don’t ask Black friends to educate you. It is not their job or responsibility to educate us on our own history and our own issues with racism. When we ask a Black person to educate us, we are asking them to do labor for us for free. When you think of it in those terms, it’s pretty clear why it’s problematic.

Anti-racism is everyone’s fight, but we have a unique and vital role in it as white Americans. And if we don’t use our power to actively push our nation toward equity and justice, we don’t just contribute to the problem, we are the problem.

  • A homeless man returns a pet dog’s stolen ashes to their owner. It’s changing his life.
    Photo credit: Kathryn Michie via GoFundMeKathryn Michie and Chris Engdahl, left, and a flyer.

    When Holly and Brandon Dunn’s car was broken into, the stolen items were ones they thought they’d never get back. The thief took a bag containing the ashes of their late chihuahua named Tia. The thief also took Tia’s ceramic paw prints and a memorial stuffed-animal replica of the beloved pup. Two weeks later, the items were found and returned. Now the Seattle community is chipping in to reward the hero with a fresh start.

    Brandon explained to KING-TV that the couple was unable to have children, so Tia had been their furry kid throughout their 20-year relationship.

    “It’s a bit cliche, I guess, comparing a dog to a child. But, you know, for us that was my child,” he said.

    The search was on

    The Dunns put up flyers offering a reward for the return of the ashes and memorial items. Folks on social media and Reddit offered to help search and put up additional flyers in the Seattle area. There were even people willing to 3D-print a replica of Tia’s paw prints to replace the original ones.

    A hero reaches out

    Two weeks later, the unlikely happened. The items were found and returned by a homeless man named Chris Engdahl.

    For the past seven years, Engdahl had been living unhoused in the Seattle area. He made a living off what he could find and sell from dumpsters. It was in a random dumpster that Engdahl found Tia’s ashes, paw prints, and stuffed replica. Engdahl knew the items had sentimental value and held onto them in hopes of finding their owner. After seeing one of the flyers, Engdahl texted Brandon’s phone number and made sure the Dunns got Tia’s remains back.

    The Seattle community chips in

    Engdahl didn’t want a reward from the couple and was just happy that a fellow dog lover got their precious memorial items back. The Dunns had already moved out of the state. However, they and the Seattle community still wanted to do something to help Engdahl.

    Kathryn Michie, a person who helped post flyers for the Dunns, started a GoFundMe for Engdahl to help restart his life. As of this writing, Engdahl has recently moved into his first apartment, and the GoFundMe has raised more than $6,700. The money will be used to help Engdahl get furniture and other supplies. Some of the money will also go toward food for his new dog, Reo, whom he recently rescued from the street. Altogether, it will help Engdahl’s new place feel more like home.

    “I just got off the phone with Chris and he’s absolutely floored with the support from this community!” Michie wrote in a May 6 update on the GoFundMe page. “Thank you to everyone who is changing his life for the better. He is such an angel and deserves all the help!”

    Kindness and support from an entire community helped recover lost items, house someone in need, and create a new life for a dog, too.

  • Woman tests drive-thru barista by tipping him $1 for every second he listens to daughter’s story
    Photo credit: Martina and Alexa/InstagramA mother-daughter duo shares a nice tip with a Starbucks barista.
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    Woman tests drive-thru barista by tipping him $1 for every second he listens to daughter’s story

    “Every second they listen, the tip goes up $1. They don’t know that.”

    Imagine passing a test with flying colors when you didn’t even know you were taking one. A mother-daughter duo, known as Martina and Alexa, visits fast-food and coffeehouse drive-thrus. The person serving them is then, in a sense, given a test of their kindness, often revealing the most wholesome side of humanity.

    The way it works is this: The mother-daughter duo purchases food and drinks at drive-thrus such as Starbucks, Carl’s Jr., and Wendy’s. When they’re given their items, the daughter begins telling a story. As explained in the videos, “Every second they listen, the tip goes up $1. They don’t know that.”

    One video stands out

    They have many fun examples on TikTok and Instagram. But one recently truly stood out.

    A blond man appears in the Starbucks drive-thru window, cheerfully greeting the pair. “Hi! Here we are!” While the mother counts out one-dollar bills on her lap, her daughter, sporting bright red long hair, begins telling a story with the most adorable uptick: “One time at school? We had a science project about health? And I went up there? And like I talked for five minutes about how sugar was bad for you?”

    While the story goes on, the barista smiles warmly and occasionally says, “Right, uh huh,” to keep her at ease. She continues: “But on the actual day? After school, I went and I bought a donut? To test if sugar is bad for you. So yeah. Because I can’t present information without data and all of that, so yeah. Also, I have a snake at home? She’s a ball python? And she’s so cute. Her name is Frosty!”

    The barista enthusiastically asks, “Really?” She continues, “Yeah, and sometimes she likes her tank.” At this point, Mom cuts her off, and the barista hands over a drink. “Can I give you a tip?” she asks while handing him $30. “Oh my gosh! Thank you. Are you sure?”

    The whole exchange exemplifies pure kindness. But it gets even better. Turns out the barista is Dale B. Pirofsky. And there was something about him they just couldn’t forget, nor could the viewers who saw the video.

    The duo behind the videos thought they’d pay his kindness forward not just with a big tip, but with the hope of helping him raise money for a car. They started a GoFundMe, where they shared:

    “When we met Dale, there was something about him that immediately stood out – his kindness, his warmth, his humor, and the kind of positive energy that you can feel right away. He truly has one of those bright souls that makes people smile without even trying.

    After we shared the video, Dale became a favorite across social media in just a few days. It has been so special to see how many people connected with him through the screen. So many of you saw exactly what we saw in person – his genuine heart, his sweet personality, and the joy he brings into a simple moment.

    Many people reached out asking how they could support him financially, so we contacted Dale directly. After speaking with him and getting his permission, we decided to create this GoFundMe in his name. Dale shared with us that he has been working two jobs to save up for his very first car. This fundraiser is not an emergency request – it is simply a way for anyone who feels moved by Dale’s story to support a goal he has already been working so hard toward.”

    “Everyone deserves to be heard”

    Upworthy had the chance to chat with Dale, who shared how grateful he was for the whole encounter.

    When asked what he thought when she started telling the story, he said he was happy to listen. “Whenever someone wants to talk to me, especially children, I always try to listen,” he said. “I grew up—and honestly still struggle—with feeling unheard or unacknowledged, so I always try to make someone who needs to chat feel heard.”

    He didn’t suspect it was a test or a prank. “Honestly? I probably would have should the context of the story been something less engaging!” he said. “But considering she was talking about her school project, I figured it was something she was super proud of! Everyone deserves to be heard about what they are enthusiastic about.”

    This has been his biggest tip so far. “As a barista, the thirty-dollar tip definitely takes the cake!” he said. “Although, I did have to share it with my fellow baristas, and I’m in no way, shape, or form unhappy about that. My coworkers have been nothing but supportive of me, and they totally deserved a little something!”

    As for the duo, they remain rather mysterious. But what he does know is how good they made him feel. “They are a family of sweet-hearted people,” he said. “This family has absolutely turned my life upside down over the last week, and I am so grateful for all the support I’ve been given! It’s nice to see my enthusiasm and smile have made so many people so happy. It’s a dream of mine I can finally say I’ve achieved.”

  • Dad stuns bride with a recording of her accurately describing her future wedding at 4 years old
    Photo credit: CanvaSome weddings are full of surprises.

    Lots of kids imagine their wedding day when they are little in all kinds of creative ways. But few have those childhood imaginings recorded, and even fewer have them unearthed on their actual wedding day.

    But one bride was surprised by just that at her own wedding reception, and in the absolute sweetest way. During the father-daughter dance, as the Beach Boys crooned out “God Only Knows,” suddenly a man’s voice came over the speaker. “Tell me about your wedding,” it said.

    A child’s voice responded: “My wedding is gonna have clowns dancing with the children, and a moon bounce, and face painting…when the brides all change into costumes, they go in the moon bounce.”

    @jordannrose1

    I could not stop crying!! 🥹🤍full backstory: my parents found a video from when I was 4 years old talking shout my future wedding, where I named my childhood friends as my bridesmaids that were in attendance, and said Max would be my husband…. While I didn’t meet Max until college it was kismet!! They edited that clip into our father daughter dance and totally surprised everyone including me!!! ❤️ #fatherdaughterdance #wedding #bride #2026bride #2026wedding @absocialstudio

    ♬ original sound – jordan

    The child was Jordan, the bride, at four years old, and the man’s voice was her dad.

    “Who are the brides gonna be?” preschooler Jordan’s dad asked.

    “The brides are gonna be silly princesses,” Jordan responded. She said they would be named Gracie, Rachel, Kelly (or Ketti?), and Sarah.

    “And what about the princes?” her dad asked. “Who are the princes going to be?”

    “Oh, you mean all the boys?” little Jordan asked. “They’re gonna be silly superheroes!”

    wedding, marriage, flower girl
    Little girl dressed up for a wedding. Photo credit: Canva

    But when Dad asked who they were, no one expected her little voice to cry out, “Max! Max! Max!”

    Max, Jordan’s real-life adult groom, who was listening to all of this, was gobsmacked—as in full-on, wide-eyed, jaw-to-the-floor shocked. Jordan herself was blown away.

    “No way!” Max said. “No way. No way!”

    Jordan wrote the backstory in the TikTok caption: “My parents found a video from when I was 4 years old talking about my future wedding, where I named my childhood friends as my bridesmaids that were in attendance, and said Max would be my husband…. While I didn’t meet Max until college it was kismet!! They edited that clip into our father-daughter dance and totally surprised everyone including me!!!”

    @jordannrose1

    5.2.26 🤍💍🤵🏼👰🏻‍♀️🥂 married my best friend! wedding content by the amazing @absocialstudio #wedding #bride #2026bride #2026wedding #lajolla

    ♬ original sound – jordan

    People loved the clever, creative weaving of the audio into the father-daughter dance. And of course, commenters adored the groom’s stunned reaction:

    “You just KNOW your dad has been planning that since the moment you said ‘Dad, this is Max.’”

    “Just sobbing over a girl who manifested her entire life without knowing it.”

    “This is the most beautiful invisible string story I’ve ever heard of.”

    “The fact your husband was crying before he even heard his name said… a REAL one!! Congratulations!”

    “I am BAWLING RIGHT NOW. literally the definition of ‘in every lifetime.’”

    Of all the uses of childhood videos at a wedding, this one might be the most creative and meaningful yet. Congratulations to the adorable couple, who were so clearly meant for one another.

    You can follow Jordan on TikTok.

  • Family of 7 takes in 82-year-old widower neighbor as their new ‘grandpa’
    Photo credit: via USA Today Paul Callahan, 82, with the Caraballo family.
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    Family of 7 takes in 82-year-old widower neighbor as their new ‘grandpa’

    “You get many chances to talk to people. If you don’t take a chance, you may miss a friend.”

    In 2022, the Caraballo family welcomed a new member: their neighbor from across the street, Paul Callahan, who was 82 at the time. Callahan, a widower, lost his wife prior to the Caraballos moving in. It makes sense their new neighbor was feeling lonely, but a beautiful friendship was on the way. After their initial meeting, Callahan quickly became like a grandfather to the Caraballos, a family of seven, and the story went viral. Various publications and news outlets covered the heartwarming blended family and they were even invited to appear on Good Morning America and The Kelly Clarkson Show.

    South West News Service first reported the whole story, writing that when Sharaine, then 32, and Wilson Caraballo, then 42, moved their family of seven into a new home in Pawtucket, Rhode Island in 2022, they weren’t sure how they’d be received. “Our biggest fear moving into a new neighborhood was, ‘What if our neighbors don’t like us?’ What if, because we have a lot of kids, they make a lot of noise and we come from a big family, so what if there’s any conflict with the neighbors?” Sharaine told USA Today. “We’re the only Black family in our neighborhood.”

    Then their neighbor showed up with a ladder

    But all that fear quickly dissipated when their new neighbor, Callahan, showed up with a ladder and offered to help the family spruce up their new home.

    “He was coming over with tools. He’d bring screwdrivers and teach Wilson how to fix up the garage, and Wilson followed all his advice,” Sharaine told South West News Service. The octogenarian soon became a fixture at the Caraballo house. Now, Callahan stops by nearly every day and can always be found at the family’s cookouts, gatherings, and holidays.

    He’s not the neighbor anymore, he’s family

    Callahan has become a great friend to the family’s children, whom he entertains with stories from his past. “The kids run up to him like that’s their grandfather,” Sharaine said. “Paul is definitely a family member. He’s no longer considered a neighbor.”

    Callahan believes that it’s all about taking the time to be friendly.

    “You get many chances to talk to people. If you don’t take a chance, you may miss a friend,” Callahan said. “It doesn’t hurt to be nice. That’s the other thing, it costs you nothing, but a lot of times, you get a better return.”

    The story went viral, and for good reason

    Sharaine keeps her well-wishers updated on the doings of her family, including Callahan, on her Instagram page. Though she hasn’t posted about Callahan specifically since their mini media storm, she keeps posts about their story and media appearance pinned to the top of her page for all to see.

    This article originally appeared three years ago.

  • An errant pitch hit a Little League player in the head. His response was peak sportsmanship.
    Photo credit: CanvaA viral video from a Little League game has people celebrating good sportsmanship.

    Youth sports have gotten more intensely competitive, to the point where overeager parents and coaches have to regularly be reminded to take it down a notch. So when humanity takes precedence over team rivalries, it’s extra heartwarming.

    And considering how many “kids these days” laments we see coming from older generations, it’s also heartening to see kids showing excellent character qualities when no one directly asked them to.

    A viral video from a Little League baseball game is giving us a nice dose of both—good sportsmanship and basic human kindness from two players from opposing teams.

    As reported by USA Today, Isaiah (Zay) Jarvis, a batter from Oklahoma, took a pitch from Texas East pitcher Kaiden Shelton right to the side of his helmet. It was a hard blow that caused Jarvis to spin around and crumble to the ground, grabbing his head. The replay in slow motion shows that the ball basically just knocked his helmet off, though it was undoubtedly jarring and probably painful as well.

    Jarvis was able to continue playing, but Shelton was shaken up. No matter how fierce the competition, no one wants to be responsible for injuring another person. He was visibly upset on the mound, so Jarvis left first base and approached him.

    Here is what actually happened on that field

    That a kid this age would approach a player who hit him with a ball and comfort him with a hug, especially knowing that all eyes were on him, is just so lovely. Someone raised this young man to put people’s feelings ahead of competitiveness and not worry about what others might think.

    And the fact that the pitcher was so distraught at the possibility of having hurt someone is also so sweet. This was a moment that showed the true character of both of these boys, and both of them exemplified caring and compassion.

    The internet was moved to tears

    People praised the boys’ empathy and humanity.

    Both of those boys are what you want your kids to aspire to,” wrote one commenter. “One willing to forgive and knows it wasn’t intentional and the other showing remorse and sorrow. I love it!!”

    Thankfully, these kids aren’t some one-off anomaly. We see examples of kindness and empathy all the time in sports. Despite how fierce competition can get, enjoyment of the game and the self-improvement on all levels that comes with playing is what it’s all about, and many coaches and parents strive to make sure that their kids are learning all of those lessons.

    This video demonstrates even more than simple respect for an opponent. It shows that this kid recognized his opponent’s humanity first and foremost. He didn’t just say, “It’s no problem.” He recognized that the pitcher had feelings of his own and wanted to make surehe was okay. That’s a whole other level of sportsmanship to strive for, one that takes nothing away from strong competition and doing your best to win.

    This went beyond good sportsmanship

    The moment has had a lasting impact on both boys. In a follow-up by ESPN, Jarvis reflected, “I don’t think it’s changed me, but it’s changed my lifestyle. People know me, and so I always need to be doing the right thing.” The two became friends, and their story is now held up as a symbol of what youth sports should look like.

    Many adults could even learn from the emotionally intelligent and empathetic interaction of these two kids. Good sportsmanship all around. Love to see it. Big kudos to these kiddos and whoever raised them.

    This article originally appeared four years ago. It has been updated.

  • The empowering advice Eleanor Roosevelt shared for anyone struggling with self-worth and confidence
    Photo credit: WikipediaEleanor Roosevelt shared her insights on building self-worth and confidence.

    Eleanor Roosevelt lived a one-of-a-kind life that included her role as first lady of the United States. Born in 1884, she became a prominent figure in American politics and culture.

    She was also a prolific writer and penned a syndicated newspaper column called “My Day” six days a week from 1935 until her death in 1962.

    In it, she shared the wisdom and advice she had gathered throughout her life. In one column from 1943, Roosevelt offered her confidence-building advice:

    “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

    Roosevelt’s insightful wisdom centers on separating self-worth from the opinions and perceptions of others and instead turning inward to find value and confidence. Her advice came years after surviving a traumatic childhood and undergoing her own self-discovery.

    Roosevelt’s personal struggle with confidence

    Roosevelt had a tumultuous upbringing. Her mother died of diphtheria when she was only eight years old, and less than two years later, her father died due to depression and alcoholism. She was orphaned by age 10, and Roosevelt’s grandmother, Mary Hall, became her guardian.

    Roosevelt also grew up feeling self-conscious about her appearance and serious demeanor, according to a short biography published by The George Washington University’s Eleanor Roosevelt Papers Project.

    She was given many nicknames, including “Granny,” “very plain,” and “old-fashioned.” Roosevelt once wrote, “I was a solemn child without beauty. I seemed like a little old woman entirely lacking in the spontaneous joy and mirth of youth.”

    Despite these challenges, Roosevelt found her sense of worth and confidence through education. Her grandmother sent her overseas in 1899, when she was 15, to attend Allenswood Academy in London. It was there that she discovered her gift for forming friendships and her love of learning.

    In her autobiography, Roosevelt wrote that she developed “confidence and independence,” adding that she was “totally without fear in this new phase of my life.”

    Roosevelt also wrote about battling people-pleasing. “I was always afraid of something: of the dark, of displeasing people, of failure. Anything I accomplished had to be done across a barrier of fear,” she wrote.

    @jayshetty

    What idea are you discussing today? Elenor Roosvelt’s quote is worth remembering

    ♬ original sound – Jay Shetty

    Tips for building self-worth and confidence

    Building confidence and self-worth is a difficult process that may require intentional effort. Zack Goldman, a psychotherapist and founder of Solid Ground Psychotherapy, shares three helpful tips for anyone struggling with feelings of inferiority:

    Stop treating confidence like a prerequisite for action

    Goldman explains that one of the biggest misconceptions about confidence is that people think they need to feel confident before doing something difficult.

    “In reality, confidence is usually built afterward through repeated experiences of taking action despite discomfort,” he told Upworthy. “Start with small, manageable risks because every time you prove to yourself that you can tolerate uncertainty, rejection, or imperfection, yourself trust grows.”

    Pay attention to how you speak to yourself during difficult moments

    “Many people unknowingly reinforce low self-worth through constant self-criticism, especially when they make mistakes or feel emotionally overwhelmed,” Goldman said.

    He explains that instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” try asking, “What would I say to someone I care about in this situation?”

    “Learning to respond to yourself with more fairness and compassion helps create a more stable sense of worth that is not dependent on constant achievement or external validation,” he added.

    Build a life that reflects your values, not just other people’s expectations

    According to Goldman, people often lose confidence when they spend too much time trying to meet standards that do not actually align with who they are.

    “Self-worth becomes much stronger when your decisions, relationships, and goals reflect your own values rather than approval seeking,” he said. “Even small choices that move you toward a more authentic version of yourself can create a deeper sense of confidence and internal stability over time.”

  • 20 years ago his BBC interview became a viral comedy hit. Now, he’s sharing his secret to staying calm.
    Photo credit: BBC News/YouTubeGuy Goma realizing he’s in the wrong interview, circa 2006.

    Since his accidental 15 minutes of fame in 2006, Guy Goma has been the epitome of keeping calm under pressure.

    The video—in which Goma showed up for a job interview at the BBC and was mistaken for, quite literally, another Guy (technology journalist Guy Kewney)—has gone viral time and time again, thanks in no small part to how well Goma handled the situation after being thrust into a live on-air interview.

    Now, two decades after the wholesome snafu, Goma has decided to impart some wisdom about turning a potentially catastrophic moment into one of pure grace.

    To be fair, Goma admits he wasn’t stoic the entire time

    Speaking to This Morning, Goma said his initial thoughts were, “God help me. I’m lost completely.”

    However, he remembered the words of his mother, who taught him to quietly fix a problem without embarrassing anyone.

    “My mom always says to us, ‘If you notice something, your brother made a mistake anywhere, correct the mistake first before talking to the person,’” he said.

    Not wanting to make anyone else feel uncomfortable, Goma held onto his composure. That was all the fuel he needed to carry on, answering the questions placed before him with such admirable self-possession that viewers still revisit the clip time and time again. Sure, it’s partly for a good laugh, but also because Goma’s chutzpah is undeniably inspiring.

    The hidden Zen wisdom behind all this

    Nearly all of us have experienced a situation where we felt unprepared, overwhelmed, or suddenly put on the spot (if you haven’t, your time is coming). Goma’s response offers a blueprint for surviving those moments with dignity intact. In similarly anxiety-inducing situations, we can direct our attention outside ourselves and aim to simply be of service in whatever way we can muster in the moment, rather than laser-focusing on what we’re experiencing internally. When that happens—when we forego our concept of “I,” as Buddhists say—what once felt insurmountable often suddenly shrinks to its proper size.

    There’s also something to be said for the fact that Goma never appeared bitter about the misunderstanding that made him Internet-famous. Even not getting the job he originally came to interview for, which he shared was heartbreaking at the time, didn’t ultimately defeat his spirit. Over the years, he has retained his humor and warmth, which has only deepened people’s affection for him.

    Life after becoming Internet-famous

    According to Newstalk, Goma now works with people who have learning disabilities. It might not be the job he planned for all those years ago, but it sounds like he’s found work with purpose nonetheless. He also teamed up with Elliott Gotkine, the BBC producer who put him on the air, to release their story in book form as The Wrong Guy: The Inside Story of TV’s Greatest Cock-Up.

    Though we may never find ourselves accidentally talking shop on live television, may we all handle our own unexpected blunders with that same humility and humor. Who’s to say what surprising blessings might come as a result?

  • A trans man beautifully harmonizes to the song ‘Kiss Me’ alongside a 2018 clip of himself
    Photo credit: Dylan HollowayDylan Holloway shares a side-by-side clip with his former self before transitioning.

    British singer-songwriter Dylan Holloway, who performs as Dylan and the Moon, has been wowing audiences with his voice for quite some time. But what makes Holloway especially unique is that he also charmed crowds before identifying as male. While Holloway had long wrestled with his gender identity, he transitioned from female to male during the COVID-19 pandemic. While some might say they never look back, Holloway chooses to look back with love and gratitude for his former self.

    In a recent clip posted to Holloway’s Instagram page, he shows his followers a split screen. On the left is Dylan presenting as female, with blonde curls and soprano notes. That side is labeled “2018.” On the right is modern-day Dylan, now presenting as male, shirtless and tattooed, marked “2026.” To the song “Kiss Me,” he harmonizes with his former self, and it’s absolutely pitch-perfect.

    “A duet with my past self”

    At the top of the clip, he writes, “Singing with my past self…trans duet.” Holloway adds in the comments:

    “A duet with my past self. I make these videos because it brings me joy to embrace my entire journey & it helps me spread love to others who may wish to do the same… I’m proud of who I am & the unique art I can make because of it … whoever you are, whatever your journey, you are wonderful & deserve love for your whole self too.”

    Fans in the comment section were equally loving and seemingly in awe:

    “You were and are a beautiful person, with a lot of charisma, musically and a beautiful voice. In both interpretations. Gifted! I’m impressed.”

    “I see a talented musician who is proud of his story and who loves himself, as he should.”

    Sixpence None the Richer

    As for the song? The year was 1998. The band Sixpence None the Richer had taken American radio stations by storm with their sweet, melodic single “Kiss Me” from their self-titled album, released a year earlier. Its lyrics are pretty straightforward, though some could call them a tad bossy. The singer would like a gentleman to kiss her “behind the bearded barley. Nightly, behind the green, green grass. Swing, swing. Swing the spinning step. You’ll wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.” Holloway nails every note.

    @dylanandthemoon

    The X Factor (lol) 11 years & 1 transition later 🏳️‍⚧️ 😂 #xfactor #transition #transgender #transman before and after

    ♬ original sound – DylanAndTheMoon

    Obvious X Factor

    Back in 2012, Holloway became a sensation while competing on Britain’s The X Factor, where he ended up as a finalist in a band called MK1. More recently, he compiled clips from the show featuring his former self singing beautifully then and just as purely now as a man.

    In an interview with DIVA Magazine, Holloway described his time on the show:

    “MK1 ended up at the finals on national television, which was such a turning point in my life. Until then I had just been a little androgynous kid from Newquay with a secret inside me, and now I was a rapper in an urban band on telly. But everyone knew me as someone I wasn’t, and I felt like a caricature of myself. Eventually, after a few years, these feelings bubbled to the surface and I couldn’t continue to be this person everyone thought I was, so I drifted and started releasing my own music under the name Lots Holloway.”

    Compassion and love

    When asked what it’s like singing with his former self, Holloway seemed to feel at peace:

    “It’s actually such a wonderful experience to look at them now. I think a lot of transgender people find there’s a pressure, whether they put that on themselves or it is external pressure, to eliminate the person you once were when you become someone new. Now I’m the person I am today, I look back at old footage of myself with this new compassion and love. I wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for that brave, resilient, and bold soul that was brave enough to come out.”

    Alongside his career as a musician, Holloway also speaks professionally about mental health advocacy and LGBTQ rights. On the Raise the Bar website, where he is listed as one of its motivational speakers, the organization shares the importance of these side-by-side videos: “In posting these videos, he spreads the message that it is okay to accept your old self, as it is all part of the journey that makes you who you are now.”

    Upworthy spoke with Holloway, who shared how he feels about transitioning and music in general.

    “For awhile, I thought I had to leave that version of myself behind. But over time, I realised there was something really beautiful about letting both versions of me exist together,” he said. “So instead of erasing my past, I started creating duets with old vocal recordings and videos I had. Almost like having a conversation across time with younger me. So healing. How many people ever have that opportunity? I want other people to know it’s okay to embrace who you are – the whole story.”

    He says his favorite duet so far is “Yellow” by Coldplay.

    “This song came out when I was growing up and confused about myself,” he said. “I recorded it on a rooftop in 2018. Then went back to the same place in 2026 to film again, totally free and transitioned. And the merging of those two people together, to me, is beautiful. I love how the lyrics mean something totally different in this context. ‘Your skin and bones turn into something beautiful. I swam across. I jumped across for you. You know I love you so.’ All of it.”

    He added, “My dream is that Coldplay will see it and see how much their song helped heal me. And one day, we will play it together with the old version of me projected behind us to sing it too. In a huge stadium, of course. I want to spread the message of acceptance and love as far as we can.”

    “Traditional songwriting” is where he draws most of his influence: “People who tell stories. People who write to move others. Dolly Parton, David Bowie, Coldplay, Paul Simon, Tracy Chapman. Iconic.”

    He plans to keep telling those stories.

    “I’m a totally independent artist, and this year, I’m creating an album in public and allowing my fans to make decisions along the way,” he said. “I make one bit of content a day and release one song a month. Eventually, it will all come together into an album. And my fans will know they helped bring it to life. So everyone is welcome to come and get involved!”

    Holloway is also releasing a documentary later this year that shares more of his story. “It shows an up close and personal journey of my transition from the lens of being a singer who risked losing their voice,” he said.

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