Still think the Civil War wasn’t fought over slavery? The Confederate states would disagree.

Was the Civil War fought over slavery or states’ rights? People love to debate this question, and many seem to believe it’s a matter of opinion. But the truth is there’s no debate to be had. We don’t have to conjecture. We know that the Confederate states’ primary motive was maintaining the right to enslave…

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Photo credit: Ryan Schultz/Creative CommonsArray

Was the Civil War fought over slavery or states’ rights? People love to debate this question, and many seem to believe it’s a matter of opinion.


But the truth is there’s no debate to be had. We don’t have to conjecture. We know that the Confederate states’ primary motive was maintaining the right to enslave black people because they said so themselves.

We have the primary documents that explain, in detail, why Confederates wanted to break off from the U.S., and they are eye-opening to say the least. Even those who already understand slavery to be the primary cause of the Civil War may be shocked to see how blatantly and proudly the Southern states announced their intention to defend white supremacy and their right to own black people.

MARCH 21, 1861 SPEECH BY VICE PRESIDENT OF THE CONFEDERACY, ALEXANDER STEPHENS

First let’s take a look at a speech given by Alexander Stephens, Vice President of the Confederacy, just a few weeks before the Civil War officially began. After describing some details of the Confederacy’s Constitution, Vice President Stephens stated that slavery was the “immediate cause” of the South’s “revolution.”

“But not to be tedious in enumerating the numerous changes for the better, allow me to allude to one other though last, not least. The new constitution has put at rest, forever, all the agitating questions relating to our peculiar institution, African slavery as it exists amongst us – the proper status of the negro in our form of civilization. This was the immediate cause of the late rupture and present revolution. Jefferson in his forecast, had anticipated this, as the ‘rock upon which the old Union would split.’ He was right. What was conjecture with him, is now a realized fact.”

I mean, he said it right there. Slavery of black people was the “immediate cause” of secession and the impending war.

But he didn’t stop there. No, he laid out the entire racist foundation of the new government in no uncertain terms.

The prevailing ideas entertained by him [Jefferson] and most of the leading statesmen at the time of the formation of the old constitution, were that the enslavement of the African was in violation of the laws of nature; that it was wrong in principle, socially, morally, and politically. It was an evil they knew not well how to deal with, but the general opinion of the men of that day was that, somehow or other in the order of Providence, the institution would be evanescent and pass away . . . Those ideas, however, were fundamentally wrong. They rested upon the assumption of the equality of races. This was an error. It was a sandy foundation, and the government built upon it fell when the ‘storm came and the wind blew.’

Our new government is founded upon exactly the opposite idea; its foundations are laid, its corner-stone rests, upon the great truth that the negro is not equal to the white man; that slavery—subordination to the superior race—is his natural and normal condition. This, our new government, is the first, in the history of the world, based upon this great physical, philosophical, and moral truth.”

Hmmm, so the South literally founded the Confederate government on the idea that slavery wasn’t just acceptable, but that black people were actually supposed to be enslaved. This was stated plainly and proudly.

Need a moment? Yeah, me too. Take a deep breath, because we’re just getting going here.

RELATED: This West Point colonel will tell you what the Civil War was really about.

Moving on, Stephens called the Northern abolitionists “fanatics,” saying, They assume that the negro is equal, and hence conclude that he is entitled to equal privileges and rights with the white man. If their premises were correct, their conclusions would be logical and just but their premise being wrong, their whole argument fails. . . .

There’s more.

With us, all of the white race, however high or low, rich or poor, are equal in the eye of the law. Not so with the negro. Subordination is his place. He, by nature, or by the curse against Canaan, is fitted for that condition which he occupies in our system.”

Stephens then went on to explain how God designed humanity so that one race would be subordinate to another, and that going against slavery is going against “the ordinance of the Creator.”

It seriously could not be more clear: The Confederates were proud white supremacists who wanted to build a country around that ideal.

Lest anyone argue that this was just one speech or just one man’s opinion, or that maybe Stephens didn’t speak for the whole Confederacy (despite being Vice President of it), let’s look at what the Confederate states themselves said.

DECLARATION OF THE CAUSES OF SECEDING STATES, 1861

In addition to the Ordinances of Secession announcing the departure of each of the Confederate states from the U.S., a handful of Southern states issued a Declaration of the Causes of Seceding States, explaining in detail why they felt they needed to leave the Union.

You can read the document in its entirety here, but let’s take a look at some highlights. (The first thing to note is that some iteration of the word “slave” appears 83 times in these declarations. So, yeah.)

GEORGIA

Right out of the gate, Georgia let everyone know that slavery is at the forefront of its concerns. The second sentence of their declaration reads:

For the last ten years we have had numerous and serious causes of complaint against our non-slave-holding confederate States with reference to the subject of African slavery.”

Okay then.

As we read through Georgia’s lengthy history lesson of how the states got to this point, it’s worth noting that they rarely referred to the “Northern” and “Southern” states. Instead, they referred to “non-slaveholding states” and “slave-holding states.” That alone ought to be a clue as to their motivations.

But if that’s not enough, here’s where Georgia stated that the Republican Party’s anti-slavery stance justified its decision to leave the Union.

A brief history of the rise, progress, and policy of anti-slavery and the political organization into whose hands the administration of the Federal Government has been committed will fully justify the pronounced verdict of the people of Georgia. The party of Lincoln, called the Republican party, under its present name and organization, is of recent origin. It is admitted to be an anti-slavery party. While it attracts to itself by its creed the scattered advocates of exploded political heresies, of condemned theories in political economy, the advocates of commercial restrictions, of protection, of special privileges, of waste and corruption in the administration of Government, anti-slavery is its mission and its purpose. By anti-slavery it is made a power in the state. The question of slavery was the great difficulty in the way of the formation of the Constitution.

While the subordination and the political and social inequality of the African race was fully conceded by all, it was plainly apparent that slavery would soon disappear from what are now the non-slave-holding States of the original thirteen.”

Finally, they summed up how racial equality and the prohibition of slavery, being the primary concern of the non-slaveholding states, was something they simply would not abide.

The prohibition of slavery in the Territories, hostility to it everywhere, the equality of the black and white races, disregard of all constitutional guarantees in its favor, were boldly proclaimed by its leaders and applauded by its followers.

With these principles on their banners and these utterances on their lips the majority of the people of the North demand that we shall receive them as our rulers.

The prohibition of slavery in the Territories is the cardinal principle of this organization.

For forty years this question has been considered and debated in the halls of Congress, before the people, by the press, and before the tribunals of justice. The majority of the people of the North in 1860 decided it in their own favor. We refuse to submit to that judgment, and in vindication of our refusal we offer the Constitution of our country and point to the total absence of any express power to exclude us.”

Thank you, Georgia, for clarifying your position.

MISSISSIPPI

Again, right out the gate, Mississippi told everyone that slavery is their main reason for seceding. Here’s how their declaration begins, no sentences skipped:

“In the momentous step which our State has taken of dissolving its connection with the government of which we so long formed a part, it is but just that we should declare the prominent reasons which have induced our course.

Our position is thoroughly identified with the institution of slavery—the greatest material interest of the world.”

Once they made that clear, they explained how they simply couldn’t live without slavery because black people were made to tend their crops.

“Its labor supplies the product which constitutes by far the largest and most important portions of commerce of the earth. These products are peculiar to the climate verging on the tropical regions, and by an imperious law of nature, none but the black race can bear exposure to the tropical sun. These products have become necessities of the world, and a blow at slavery is a blow at commerce and civilization. That blow has been long aimed at the institution, and was at the point of reaching its consummation. There was no choice left us but submission to the mandates of abolition, or a dissolution of the Union, whose principles had been subverted to work out our ruin. That we do not overstate the dangers to our institution, a reference to a few facts will sufficiently prove.”

Mississippi just stated that their only choices were to give up slavery or secede. And if that still seems unclear somehow, here are some of the “facts” they included for why they couldn’t stay in the Union:

“It has grown until it denies the right of property in slaves, and refuses protection to that right on the high seas, in the Territories, and wherever the government of the United States had jurisdiction.

“It refuses the admission of new slave States into the Union, and seeks to extinguish it by confining it within its present limits, denying the power of expansion.”

“It has nullified the Fugitive Slave Law in almost every free State in the Union, and has utterly broken the compact which our fathers pledged their faith to maintain.”

“It advocates negro equality, socially and politically, and promotes insurrection and incendiarism in our midst.”

“It has made combinations and formed associations to carry out its schemes of emancipation in the States and wherever else slavery exists.”

How can anyone say that the war wasn’t about slavery at this point?

SOUTH CAROLINA

South Carolina’s declaration started off sounding like it was all about “FREE AND INDEPENDENT STATES,” as they used that all-caps phrase repeatedly in recounting the history of why the colonies broke off from England. But when they got into their specific grievances with the Union, guess what they complained about. Yup, slavery.

The General Government, as the common agent, passed laws to carry into effect these stipulations of the States. For many years these laws were executed. But an increasing hostility on the part of the non-slaveholding States to the institution of slavery, has led to a disregard of their obligations, and the laws of the General Government have ceased to effect the objects of the Constitution.

They went on and on about non-slaveholding states trying to control their “property” and “institutions.” We could guess what they meant by that, but we don’t have to because they told us.

“Those States have assume [sic] the right of deciding upon the propriety of our domestic institutions; and have denied the rights of property established in fifteen of the States and recognized by the Constitution; they have denounced as sinful the institution of slavery; they have permitted open establishment among them of societies, whose avowed object is to disturb the peace and to eloign the property of the citizens of other States. They have encouraged and assisted thousands of our slaves to leave their homes; and those who remain, have been incited by emissaries, books and pictures to servile insurrection.

They even got specific about states that passed anti-slavery laws, which they claimed went against the Constitution.

“The State of New Jersey, at an early day, passed a law in conformity with her constitutional obligation; but the current of anti-slavery feeling has led her more recently to enact laws which render inoperative the remedies provided by her own law and by the laws of Congress. In the State of New York even the right of transit for a slave has been denied by her tribunals; and the States of Ohio and Iowa have refused to surrender to justice fugitives charged with murder, and with inciting servile insurrection in the State of Virginia. Thus the constituted compact has been deliberately broken and disregarded by the non-slaveholding States, and the consequence follows that South Carolina is released from her obligation.”

Again, South Carolina was clear that the North’s hostility toward slavery was what drove them to break away, thereby leading to war.

TEXAS

Ah, Texas. If you thought the deep south was the only place that gleefully celebrated the enslavement of black people, take a look at the Lone Star State’s declaration. It’s a doozy.

RELATED: A school assignment asked for 3 benefits of slavery. This kid gave the only good answer.

First, here’s how Texas described being accepted into the Confederacy:

“She [Texas] was received as a commonwealth holding, maintaining and protecting the institution known as negro slavery—the servitude of the African to the white race within her limits—a relation that had existed from the first settlement of her wilderness by the white race, and which her people intended should exist in all future time.

So, not only is white people enslaving black people fine and dandy—it’s a subjugation that should go on forever and ever. Got it.

“In all the non-slave-holding States, in violation of that good faith and comity which should exist between entirely distinct nations, the people have formed themselves into a great sectional party, now strong enough in numbers to control the affairs of each of those States, based upon an unnatural feeling of hostility to these Southern States and their beneficent and patriarchal system of African slavery, proclaiming the debasing doctrine of equality of all men, irrespective of race or color– a doctrine at war with nature, in opposition to the experience of mankind, and in violation of the plainest revelations of Divine Law. They demand the abolition of negro slavery throughout the confederacy, the recognition of political equality between the white and negro races, and avow their determination to press on their crusade against us, so long as a negro slave remains in these States.”

Sorry, I need to pause for a second. “Their beneficent and patriarchal system of African slavery”? And “the debasing doctrine of equality of all men”? The state of Texas said here that equality was not just unnatural but against God’s law. We all know that racism was the standard of the day, but I don’t think most of us were taught how deeply held these white supremacist beliefs were in the South’s own words.

And again, they weren’t done.

We hold as undeniable truths that the governments of the various States, and of the confederacy itself, were established exclusively by the white race, for themselves and their posterity; that the African race had no agency in their establishment; that they were rightfully held and regarded as an inferior and dependent race, and in that condition only could their existence in this country be rendered beneficial or tolerable.”

Still not done…

“That in this free government *all white men are and of right ought to be entitled to equal civil and political rights* [emphasis in the original]; that the servitude of the African race, as existing in these States, is mutually beneficial to both bond and free, and is abundantly authorized and justified by the experience of mankind, and the revealed will of the Almighty Creator, as recognized by all Christian nations

“Mutually beneficial to both bond and free.” Oh yes, those lucky slaves, living just as the Almighty intended.

If you wonder why people see the Confederate flag as a racist symbol, this is why. If you wonder why honoring the leaders of the Confederacy with monuments and holidays is horrifically problematic, this is why.

We have it straight from the Confederates’ mouths. The Civil War was fought because the South wanted the right to keep slavery and the North wanted to abolish it. People can say it was about states’ rights, but it’s disingenuous to omit the primary moral, political, and economic right the South was fighting to maintain—the legal and systematic subjugation and enslavement of black people.

They seriously could not have been any clearer about it.

  • 9 reasons the Artemis II space mission keeps bringing people to tears
    Photo credit: NASAChristina Koch looking out the window at Earth
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    9 reasons the Artemis II space mission keeps bringing people to tears

    Some of it is the time we’re living in. Some of it is remembering who we are.

    Since the Orion spacecraft launched, sending the four astronauts of the Artemis II mission around the Moon, people have been grabbing tissues left and right. This particular space mission has evoked profound emotions in us collectively, but why? What is it that has us feeling it all so deeply?

    I’m not a psychologist or a sociologist; I’m just a human joining my fellow humans in the cryfest. But that human identity sits at the heart of the why question, so here are nine reasons I’ve observed that people are getting emotional over Artemis II.

    Photo, moon, surface, earth, space
    “A Setting Earth” taken on the Artemis II mission. (Photo credit: NASA)

    We desperately need something good and wholesome right now

    Let’s just acknowledge this one upfront. In too many ways, the world has felt like a horror circus in recent years, and many people have lost a bit of faith in humanity. We need some solid reminders that we’re actually okay, and Artemis II is full of them.

    Apollo and Artemis unite our past with our future

    The name Artemis holds poetic significance. In Ancient Greek mythology, Artemis was Apollo’s twin sister as well as the goddess of the moon, the hunt, wild places, and childbirth. The original lunar missions being named Apollo and the modern missions being named Artemis is a beautiful hat-tip to that ancient history, as well as a nod to this mission carrying the first woman to circle the moon.

    The Artemis II mission feels like a bridge between our past and our future.

    “The pairing of Apollo and Artemis is more than poetic,” writes Samantha Mathewson for Space.com. “In mythology, the twins balance day and night, or sun and moon. In spaceflight, Apollo represents what humanity has already accomplished, while Artemis represents what comes next.”

    It reminds us of how far we’ve come, both literally and figuratively

    Like others before them, the astronauts of Artemis II took some legacy keepsake items into space. Among them is a one-inch square piece of fabric from the Wright Flyer, the plane the Wright brothers used in their first successful flight in 1903.

    The significance of that tiny piece of fabric can’t be overstated. To fly through the air above Earth’s surface was a major milestone in human history. Did the Wright brothers imagine us going this far from Earth when they had just figured out how to get us off the ground?

    Innovation and progress require imagination, so they probably did imagine it. Just as the women who worked on the Apollo lunar program probably imagined women becoming astronauts one day.

    Christina Koch becoming the first woman to fly around the Moon isn’t the only sign of progress for women in the Artemis mission, though. Women played critical roles in the Apollo program as well, but they were smaller in number and not really visible to the public. Now we have this:

    It reminds us how small but special we are

    Earth may feel big to us, but in the context of the universe, our planet is infinitesimally tiny. And yet, we are here, eight billion individuals making our home on this little blue marble.

    Pilot Victor Glover delivered an impromptu message on Easter that reminds us of the unique reality of being human on planet Earth:

    You guys are talking to us because we’re in a spaceship really far from Earth. But you’re on a spaceship called Earth that was created to give us a place to live in the universe, in the cosmos.

    Maybe the distance we are from you makes you think what we’re doing is special. But we’re the same distance from you, and I’m trying to tell you—just trust me—you are special. In all of this emptiness—this is a whole bunch of nothing, this thing we call the universe—you have this oasis, this beautiful place that we get to exist together.

    Shifts the perspective a bit, doesn’t it?

    The naming of the Moon crater ‘Carroll’ hit us right in the heart

    If someone were to cry over just one part of this mission, it would likely be this moment when the astronauts asked Mission Control to name a Moon crater after Commander Reid Wiseman’s late wife, Carroll, who died of cancer in 2020:

    Crater Carroll. A bright spot on the Moon that her kids can look up to and see Mom. What an incredible tribute.

    Historic space missions are big deals. These astronauts represent all of humanity as we collectively breach new frontiers. And yet, it’s the personal relationships, our individual loved ones, the bonds of family and friendship that make us what and who we are as humans. This moment just beautifully highlighted the human in humanity, forever linking the personal with the universal.

    It’s healing something in Gen X kids who watched the Challenger disaster live

    There have been many space shuttle launches since 1986, but few have seen the widespread excitement and attention that Artemis II has received leading up to it. Perhaps that’s why so many Gen Xers who remember watching the Challenger explode as children were nervous to watch the launch and held our breath until the astronauts were safely out of the atmosphere.

    It may sound like an overstatement to call it PTSD, but watching a school teacher and astronauts we’d all been following on TV for months blow up on a live broadcast had an impact on our psyches. The shock and horror of it all, with none of the adults prepared to handle it, left a mark.

    Seeing a hyped launch become a successful launch and watching all the heartwarming footage from the shuttle feels healing in some way.

    It taps our sense of awe

    Being amazed by something outside ourselves is one of the best parts of being human. (It also happens to be incredibly good for our mental health.)

    Awe comes in many forms. At the launch of Artemis II, we saw it in the childlike excitement of BBC Science Editor Rebecca Morelle as she witnessed the shuttle take off firsthand.

    @bbcnews

    Nasa’s first crewed mission around the Moon in more than 50 years has taken off from Florida. #Nasa #Artemis #Rocket #Space #Moon #ArtemisII #USNews #BBCNews

    ♬ original sound – BBC News – BBC News

    But awe is often quiet and introspective. The photos we’ve seen from the astronauts on board the Orion have provided a view that we rarely get to see. Only when courageous humans launch themselves into space and look out a window do we get to see our world and our Moon this way.

    Taking a few moments to sit in awe of space and our place in it can be an emotional experience. Awe-inspired existential tears are good tears.

    It reminds us of what we’re capable of

    Humanity has always had its ups and downs, and they often happen at the same time. But science advancements, when done for the greater good and collective progress, are some of our biggest ups. This mission is a reminder of what we can do when we work together on innovating and creating instead of conquering and destroying.

    It reminds us we are one

    “This is an opportunity to remember where we are, who we are, and that we are the same thing,” Victor Glover said in his Easter message. “And that we got to get through this together.”

    We really are the same thing. Looking at Earth from space, there are no neatly drawn lines. There are no borders, no nations, nothing actually dividing us but rivers, oceans, and mountains.

    Of course, we are complex people with diverse cultures, languages, and identities. But seeing Earth from afar makes these differences seem far less significant. Certainly, they don’t seem worth killing one another over.

    Do you ever wonder how future history books will treat this time period we’re living in? What will they teach and what will they leave out? How will they analyze us? How will we be remembered?

    Will they know how we collectively wept over the naming of a Moon crater? Or will that detail—the one that defines us more than any war or conflict ever could—be omitted?

    I hope the beauty and humanity we’ve witnessed in this mission are remembered in the story of who we were, because it really is the best of who we are.

  • Netherland-based dance troupe performs epic routine to “Somebody That I Used to Know”
    Photo credit: Sergio Reis/YoutubeThe costumes, the choreo, the camera work…just, wow.

    Odds are you’ve heard Wally de Backer, aka Gotye, and his song “Somebody That I Used to Know.” It’s the Australian musician’s biggest commercial hit, selling more than 20 million copies since its release in 2011, making it one of the best-selling digital singles of all time. Not to mention it inspired several amazing covers, which you might have also stumbled upon.

    The music video, in its poignant simplicity, is every bit as iconic. Gotye stands naked facing the camera, as featured singer Kimbra faces him. As they sing, they are slowly “painted” into and out of the background of geometric shapes using stop motion animation. There’s a very Wes Anderson feel to it that adds so much to the story told in the song, making it all the more memorable.

    This dance troupe was up to the task

     All this to say…it would be a challenge to recreate the magic that’s so inherent in the original. And yet, Netherland-based dance troupe CDK clearly understood the assignment with their highly stylized movement performance set to the well-known art pop ballad.

    As thousands of viewers were quick to note, it’s not just the incredible dance moves that made this performance so captivating. It’s the killer combination of choreography, camerawork and costumes that make the piece impossible to turn away from.

    “This is pure art,” one person wrote. While another added, “I think I’m going to watch it everyday for the rest of my life.”

    Watch CDK’s Stunning Performance Here

    This group is clearly at the top of their game, simply by how easy they make it all look (like, I’ve already convinced myself that I can pull off those moves). But what’s more evident is that they enjoy what they’re doing to the nth degree. Over on their Instagram page, you’ll find equally mesmerizing routines set to Billie Eilish, Nicki Minaj, and more.

     

    Some fun facts about the song and its legacy

    1: Gotye allows small independent projects, like student films—and probably this dance piece—to use his music free of charge. “If someone wants to use it commercially I look at what the budget is and the creativity of the project,” he said, according to News.com.

    2: CDK isn’t the only group to have recently breathed new life into the song. Also in 2024, an electronic remix of the song titled “Somebody (2024),” created by electronic music producers Chris Lake, Fisher, and Sante Sansone, debuted. Much like its predecessor, “Somebody (2024) topped the charts.

    This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

  • Marriage counselor uses viral ‘Love on the Spectrum’ moment to explain triggers in relationships
    Photo credit: @expedition_marriage/InstagramMadison Marilla and Tyler White on Love on the Spectrum.

    During an episode from the latest season of Love on the Spectrum, Netflix’s heartwarming, critically acclaimed reality series that follows autistic individuals navigating the complexities of relationships, two fan favorites—Madison Marilla and her now fiancée, Tyler White—shared a moment that many couples face regardless of neurodivergence: emotional triggers. 

    As the two approached their date location, a fan can be heard saying, “Maddie! I love you!” This visibly affected Marilla, who explained that her autism causes “black and white thinking.” So hearing a nickname, like “Maddie,” causes her to feel “anxious and thrown off.” In fact, she noted it’s one of her “biggest sensitivities.” 

    In an Instagram post, marriage counselors Chris & Jamie Bailey break down how the couple’s handling of the situation was a prime example for anyone who witnesses their significant other getting triggered. 

    Chris and Jamie noted that in the clip, White stayed calm, moved towards Madison, validated her feelings without judgment, stayed present in the situation, listened to understand, and then, after Madison was able to express herself, he reassured her that they are a team and that he is there for her.

    And for her part, Madison “chose to process what was happening instead of reacting.” She also reminded herself that “it was going to be ok” and “moved forward” rather than ruminate. 

    All relationships deal with triggers

    While relationships involving autism or other forms of neurodiversity have their own unique set of challenges, Chris and Jamie noted that every couple will at some point face triggers. When that happens, each partner has a “responsibility.” The triggered person is responsible for their emotional regulation, while the non-triggered person is responsible for offering support. Both Tyler and Madison exemplified what can go right when each partner takes on their individual responsibility—especially staying present. 

    “What couples often miss is the simplicity of just remaining with your spouse during a trigger, “ Chris and Jamie added. 

    Judging by the comments, the Baileys were clearly not the only ones who felt Madison and Tyler offered a “masterclass in emotional regulation and communication.”

    “This was incredibly impressive. The way she worked through a trigger, the way he supported her and validated it. Well done everyone. We could all learn from this. ❤️”

    “Responding before reacting is something every single person I’ve ever met has struggled with. I love how hard she’s working to stay aware of her mind, heart and body and how best to keep them regulated in these really difficult situations.

    “This was such an incredible thing to witness. I’m so grateful for Madison’s ability to be vulnerable through this and to allow the world the opportunity to learn from her 😭 I needed this today!

    “These two humans are pure good. They totally get each other and provide such a safe space.”

    “I love that Tyler didn’t even try to hug her or touch her and he let Madison’s nervous system calm down first. Full respect!!”

    Expert-backed methods for dealing with emotional triggers in a relationship

    For your own triggers, awareness is the first step. Many people notice physical cues before anything else. It might be a racing heart, a tight chest, or a sudden urge to withdraw or lash out. Naming what is happening, even silently, can help create space between the feeling and the reaction. Simple grounding techniques, like slowing your breathing, focusing on your senses, or giving yourself permission to pause, can make a meaningful difference. Just as Madison demonstrated, reminding yourself that the moment will pass can help shift your nervous system out of alarm mode.

    When it comes to supporting a partner who is triggered, the goal isn’t to fix the feeling, but to help create safety. That often looks like staying calm, listening without interrupting, and validating what they are experiencing, even if you do not fully understand it. Avoid rushing them, minimizing their reaction, or immediately offering solutions. Instead, gentle reassurance and presence can go much further than advice.

    Of course, this kind of mutual support works best when both people are willing to take ownership of their emotional patterns over time. Conversations outside of triggered moments can help partners learn each other’s sensitivities, boundaries, and preferred ways of being supported. 

    As Madison and Tyler remind us, when both people are willing to meet each other with awareness and care, even the most uncomfortable moments can become opportunities for deeper connection.

  • U.S. women’s rugby player dropped the mic on viewer who mocked her BMI
    Photo credit: @ilonamaher/Instagram“BMI doesn’t tell you what I can do.”

    It seems like at least once a year, the debate over BMI (body mass index) resurfaces. Experts are quick to point out that it’s a flawed system: at best, it ignores key factors that shape a person’s body composition; at worst, it creates real health consequences, influencing eligibility for weight loss medications, insurance rates, joint-replacement surgery and fertility treatment. Then the conversation fades, life moves on and not much changes.

    And yet, despite the constant debunking, the belief in BMI still marches on. This time, it was hurled at the USA rugby star and Olympian Ilona Maher. More specifically, someone commented “I bet that person has a 30% BMI” on one of Maher’s TikTok videos.

    Could this person have simply been pointing out the inherent flaw of BMI and that Maher, an elite athlete, would be considered “overweight” using this system? Perhaps. But this is the internet we’re dealing with, so Maher (and others) interpreted it to be an insult.

    Under that context, Maher wasn’t having it, and chose “not to just ignore the haters.”

    A troll got taken to school about BMI

    “Hi, thank you for this comment. I think you were trying to roast me, but this is actually a fact. I do have a BMI of 30. Well, 29.3 to be exact,” Maher said in response video…which became something of a roast itself.

    Maher talked about how she had been considered “overweight” her entire life, and even recalled being “so embarrassed” to turn in a physical form to the office which had “overweight” written on it.

    “I chatted with my dietitian, because I go off facts, and not just what pops up here. You know, like you do.” she quipped while tapping her temples.

    What the numbers actually tell us

    Maher is 5-ft.-10-in. and 200 lbs, which is considered “overweight” by BMI standards. But as she explained, about 170 of those 200 pounds are “lean muscle mass.”

    “Do that math in your head…you probably can’t,” Maher said sarcastically.

    It’s easy to see through this example how bogus BMI really is, especially for athletes.

    Essentially, “BMI doesn’t tell you what I can do.”

    “It doesn’t tell you what I can do on the field. How fit I am. It’s just a couple of numbers put together,” she said. “It doesn’t tell you how much muscle I have, or anything like that.”

    Maher concluded by faux lamenting, “I do have a BMI of 30. I am considered overweight. But alas, I am going to the Olympics, and you’re not.” Maher went on to win a silver medal at the 2024 Paris Olympics.

    u.s. women's rugby, jill biden, 2024 olympics ilona maher
    The U.S. women’s rugby team with First Lady Jill Biden and members of the U.S. delegation to the 2024 Summer Olympic Games The White House/Public Domain

    Why This Hit Home for So Many People

    While Maher’s clapback was certainly satisfying, it also provided some much needed reassurance to folks. So many commented on how this outdated concept has affected (or still effects) their own body image or that of a loved one.

    How can I get my teenage daughter with a high BMI (but fit!) to understand this?! She feels shamed even at the doctor for her BMI.”

    “Dancer here, I’ll never forget at 13 being told I had the BMI of 24 of ‘overweight.’ I broke down and the nurse said it didn’t mean anything and all I could think was then WHY are you making me do this?!”

    A registered dietitian explains why BMI is so flawed. YouTube

    “I had to ask the doctor’s office to put a note on my child’s file to not bring up/talk about BMI in her check ups. It isn’t an accurate representation of health!”

    “Thank you for sharing your weight, bc seeing lbs numbers in different bodies has been so helpful in me loving mine. I’m nowhere near an athlete’s body but damn, the numbers really do us in.”

    Until a more affordable solution pops up, BMI will continue to rear its ugly head in doctor’s offices and in our psyches. Maybe this is a reminder that our bodies are so much more than height and weight every now and again is a good thing. And if it comes from an Olympian…even better.

    Maher also shut down any notions that her BMI was high due to anything other than muscle with a Sports Illustrated cover shoot in August of 2024. Um, yeah.

    Thin and fit are not the same thing. Thank you, Ilona Maher, for the powerful reminder.

    This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

  • Mom is baffled why her Millennial and Gen Z kids refuse to watch TV without subtitles
    Photo credit: via GibsonIsHere/TikTok and Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels The generational caption debate is a big deal.

    Have you ever had trouble catching all of the dialogue in a TV show or movie at home? Not necessarily because you’re hard of hearing, but because you were distracted, the speakers on your television are terrible, the sound mixing is all over the place, or the characters were just talking really fast? If so, you should definitely take a cue from the younger generations.

    If you’re a Gen Xer or older, one surprising habit the younger generations developed is their love of subtitles or closed-captioning while watching TV, during which every word of dialogue appears in crystal clear white text at the bottom of the screen. To older generations, closed-captioning was only for grandparents, the hearing impaired or when watching the news in a restaurant or gym.

    But these days, studies show that Millennials and Gen Z are big fans of captions and regularly turn them on when watching their favorite streaming platforms.

    Subtitles are becoming the new normal

    A recent study found that more than half of Gen Z and Millennials prefer captions on when watching television. It’s believed that their preference for subtitles stems from the ubiquity of captioning on social media sites such as TikTok or Instagram. Think about it, most of us watch videos on their phone without the sound, so younger people in particular are used to and adept at following along this way without missing a beat. It’s comfortable for them.

    This generational change perplexed TikTokker, teacher and Gen X mother, Kelly Gibson.

    “I have three daughters, and they were here. Two of them are young millennials; the other one is an older Gen Z,” Gibson explained in a video that went viral. “All of them were like, ‘Why don’t you have the captions on?’”

    The mother couldn’t believe that her young kids preferred to watch TV like her grandparents. It just did not compute.

    “My Gen X butt was shocked to find out that these young people have decided it’s absolutely OK to watch movies with the captions going the whole time,” she said jokingly.

    Why subtitles? One reason is focus

    Like a good mother, Gibson asked her girls why they preferred to watch TV with captioning, and their reason was straightforward: With subtitles, it’s easier not to lose track of the dialog if people in the room start talking.

    The Today Show talks about the growing popularity of subtitles. – YouTube

    “They get more out of it,” Gibson explained. “If somebody talks to them in the middle of the show, they can still read and get what’s going on even if they can’t hear clearly. Why are young people so much smarter than us?”

    At the end of the video, Gibson asked her followers whether they watch TV with subtitles on or off. “How many of you out there that are Millennials actually do this? And how many of you Gen Xers are so excited that this is potentially an option?” she asked.

    Gibson received over 400,000 views on her video, along with over 8,400 responses to her question. People have a lot of different reasons for preferring to watch TV with captions.

    Happy couple watching TV. Photo credit: Canva Photos

    Here’s what the comments said

    “Millennial here. I have ADHD along with the occasional audio processing issues. I love captions. Also, sometimes I like crunchy movie snacks,” Jessileemorgan wrote.

    “We use the captions because I (GenX) hate the inability of the movie makers to keep sound consistent. Ex: explosions too loud conversation too quiet,” Lara Lytle added.

    “My kids do this and since we can’t figure out how to turn it off when they leave, it’s become a staple. GenX here!” Kelly Piller wrote.

    One user made an astute point: “GenX here. Hubby and I do this! Especially watching British shows…sometimes my American ear doesn’t hear Scottish or Welsh accents well!”

    The interesting takeaway from the debate is that anti-caption people often believe that having writing on the screen distracts them from the movie. They’re too busy reading the bottom of the screen to feel the film’s emotional impact or enjoy the acting and cinematography.

    “Gen X here. I hate the captions. I find I don’t watch the actual scene, I’m just reading the captions,” one user commented.

    However, those who are pro-caption say that it makes the film easier to understand and helps them stay involved with the film when there are distractions.

    Here’s another drawback, or con: The captions often screw up the timing of jokes and punchlines in comedies, which is a huge bummer. Watching a sitcom with the captions on, for example, can be a frustrating experience.

    But here’s a pro! It’s way easier to follow convoluted plot points layered into fast paced dialogue when you can read it and never miss a name or reference.

    Another pro: Turning on subtitles for young kids has been shown to help them to read!

    Con: Even now, live TV closed captioning is still an absolute disaster on many programs, full of errors and inaccuracies. Surprisingly, AI captions have historically lagged behind human accuracy, though the gap is narrowing quickly.

    So are captions and subtitles superior, or a pain? Who’s right? W.hoever’s holding the remote, that’s who.

    This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

  • Emma Thompson’s witty, heartfelt tribute to Alan Rickman is truly one for the ages
    Photo credit: Elena Ternovaja (left), Marie-Lan Nguyen (right) via Wiki Commons(L) Emma Thompson; (R) Alan Rickman
    ,

    Emma Thompson’s witty, heartfelt tribute to Alan Rickman is truly one for the ages

    May we all have a friend who shares our quirks this lovingly and articulately.

    Actor Alan Rickman gave us so many memorable characters, from the terrorist Hans Gruber in Die Hard to the oft ill-tempered antihero Severus Snape in the Harry Potter films, to the unfaithful husband who broke Emma Thompson’s heart in Love Actually.

    Though he was often cast as a villain, Rickman’s distinctive voice and irresistible screen presence made audiences love him. He brought a unique human touch even to his most odious bad guy characters, a quality that makes perfect sense when you hear Thompson, his friend and co-star in seven films, talk about his character in real life.

    In a moving tribute upon the release of his diaries in October 2022, Thompson shared insights into the virtues and quirks that made Rickman “blissfully contradictory.”

    Alan Rickman, actor, autographs, famous, photo
    Alan Rickman signing autographsu00a0at the Brooklyn Academy of Music, January 2011. Photo Credit: Marie-Lan Nguyen via Wikimedia Commons

    Thompson is at the top of her award-winning writer game here, and her words about Alan Rickman are filled with heart, wit, respect, admiration and love. It’s truly a eulogy for the ages.

    Watch (or read the full transcript below): 

     

    People love Thompson’s tribute to her friend and some have even shared their own stories of their encounters with Alan Rickman:

    “A close friend of mine bumped into him in a theatre in London many years ago. My friend instantly recognised Mr Rickman and from nowhere, instantly found the courage to ask him for his autograph. Having neither pen nor paper for this, he asked Mr Rickman if he would mind waiting a moment whilst he collected the items from somewhere, anywhere! The moment became at least 10 minutes or so, and when my friend ran back to a now empty theatre foyer, he noticed one solitary figure. Mr Rickman had waited patiently for my friend to give him what he asked for.”

    “I was lucky enough to work with him on a film. At lunchtime I joined the line for a meal and as I payed and went to turn to look for a table, someone knocked into me from behind and my drink went flying. I turned and it was Alan, he apologized put his hand on my shoulder and said let me get you another. He came back with a cup of tea and I was so overwhelmed. I was shocked how he was so down to earth and a real gentleman.”

    “I meet him once in Boots and said hello, he realised it was a reflex to recognising a known face. He picked up an item we both were looking at, smiled and said “well hello there are we going to arm wrestle for this?” That deep tone rendered me mute, I realised it was Mr Rickman and instantly denied needing this forgotten thing, apologised for well nothing really, smiled and backed away. He was a giant of a fellow on and off the stage and will be missed.”

    “Everything she said is true. I was fortunate to have dinner with him and his wife and his drama teacher. He was charming and friendly and shared some great ideas about directing, which I use today in my theater group. He is missed by many.”

    Indeed he is.

    Here’s the full transcript of Thompson’s tribute:

    “The most remarkable thing about the first days after Alan died was the number of actors, poets, musicians, playwrights and directors who wanted to express their gratitude for all the help he’d given them. I don’t think I know anyone in this business who has championed more aspiring artists nor unerringly perceived so many great ones before they became great. Quite a number said, latterly, that they’d been too shy to thank him personally. They had found it hard to approach him. And of all the contradictions in my blissfully contradictory friend (hold on, Thompson), this is perhaps the greatest this combination of profoundly nurturing and imperturbably distant.

    He was not, of course, distant. He was alarmingly present at all times the inscrutability was partly a protective shield. If anyone did approach him with anything like gratitude or even just a question, they would be greeted with a depth of sweetness that no one who didn’t know him could even guess at. And he was not, of course, unflappable. I could flap him like nobody’s business and when I did he was fierce with me and it did me no end of good.

    He was generous and challenging, dangerous and comical, sexy and androgynous, virile and peculiar, temperamental and languid, fastidious and casual, the list could go on. I’m sure you can add to it. There was something of the sage about him, and had he had more confidence and been at all corruptible, he could probably have started his own religion.

    His taste in all things from sausages to furnishings appeared to me anyway to be impeccable. His generosity of spirit was unsurpassed and he had so much time for people I used to wonder if he ever slept or ever got time for himself. A word not traditionally associated with Alan is gleeful, but when he was genuinely amused he was absolutely the essence of glee. There would be a holding back as the moment built, and then a sudden leaning forward and a swinging around of the torso as a vast, impish grin flowered, sometimes accompanied by an inarticulate shout of laughter. It was almost as if he was surprised by himself. It was my life’s mission to provide those moments. I remember Imelda Staunton nearly killing him by telling him a story about my mother and an unfortunate incident with some hashish—it’s a really good story, I won’t tell it now—I’ve never seen him laugh more before or since. It was a bit like watching someone tickling the Sphinx.

    One Christmas Eve party I had a sprig of mistletoe hanging up at home, and I was loitering under it and turned to find Alan bearing down on me. I lifted up my chin hopefully. He smiled and approached. I puckered. He leaned in under the mistletoe and a sudden change came over his face. His eyes started to glitter and his nostrils to quiver. He lifted up a hand, reached in, and pulled a longish hair out of my chin. ‘Ow!’ I said. ‘That’s an incipient beard,’ he said, handing me the hair and walking off.

    That was the thing about Alan—you never knew if you were going to be kissed or unsettled, but you couldn’t wait to see what would come next. And the trouble with death is that there is no next. There’s only what was, and for that, I am profoundly and heartbrokenly grateful. So the last thing we did together was change a plug on a standard lamp in his hospital room. The task went the same way as everything we have ever done together. I had a go. He told me to try something else. I tried. It didn’t work, so he had a go. I got impatient. I took it from him. I tried it again. It still wasn’t right. We both got slightly irritable, then he patiently took it all apart again and got the right lead into the right hole. I screwed it in with a screwdriver. We complained about how fiddly it was, and then we had a cup of tea. Took us at least half an hour, this thing, and he said after, ‘Well it’s a good thing I decided not to become an electrician.’

    I’m still heartbroken that Alan’s gone, but these diaries bring back so much of what I remember of him. There is that sweetness I mentioned, his generosity, his champion of others, his fierce, critical eye, his intelligence, his humor. He was the ultimate ally in life, art, and politics. I trusted him absolutely. He was, above all things, a rare and unique human being and we shall not see his like again.”

    Alan Rickman, actor, fans, famous, photo
    Alan Rickman posing for a fan at the Brooklyn Academy of Music, January 2011. Photo credit: Marie-Lan Nguyen via Wikimedia Commons

    This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

  • Voice actor says John Krasinski is single-handedly responsible for changing how every TV commercial sounds
    Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons & Canva PhotosA voiceover artist says John Krasinski helped define the literal "voice" of a generation.

    It turns out “the voice of a generation” isn’t just a metaphor. Different generations have different ways of speaking, and nowhere is it more obvious than in our television, commercials, and other pop culture.

    Even more interestingly, the way people talk in these cultural artifacts sometimes says more about culture in general than the way real people actually speak. For example, the classic “old-timey” accent you hear in films and radio from the early 1900s—called Good American Speech or the Transatlantic accent—wasn’t exactly a reflection of how real people talked. It was adopted by actors to sound more refined and elite, but it’s how many of us often remember the period sounding.

    So, too, do modern Millennials have their own distinct voice. And one voice artist says it’s all Jim Halpert’s fault.

    The origins of “Millennial speak”

    Voice artist Tawny Platis has lent her vocal talents to Hulu, Warner Brothers, Disney+, and many more. She also creates content on YouTube and recently took to the platform to share a fascinating bit of history from her unique industry.

    “Jim from The Office is responsible for the Millennial voice,” she proclaims.

    In order to explain why actor John Krasinski is the reason “Millennials talk like that,” she takes us back to the popular TV commercials of our youth. Brands like Macy’s and Revlon would feature voiceover actors with a bright, cheery, in-your-face “commercial” voice.

    Platis performs them perfectly in her video because, she says, she actually starred in many commercials just like these.

    But before Krasinski made it big with his role on The Office, he was a prominent voice actor for brands like Verizon and Blackberry. In those commercials, many of which aired in the early 2000s (when Millennials were coming of age), he was famous for his extraordinarily casual, conversational tone. Think his laid-back Jim Halpert vibe. It’s a stark contrast to the way commercials were performed in the ’90s.

    “It was basically just like, ‘Hey, I’m just a guy. I’m not really an actor. … You can trust me. It’s like you’re talking to a friend,” Platis says.

    Platis says that for years, until very recently, almost every audition and job she went out for was seeking a “conversational read” exactly like Krasinski’s performances. They became genre-defining.

    Hallmarks of Millennial Voice explained

    Platis isn’t the first person to identify this distinct way of speaking. For years, “Millennial speak” has been examined (and sometimes maligned) in popular media.

    In 2016, NPR wrote about Millennials love of tacking on “I feel like,” to their thoughts as a way of making a point casually and avoiding confrontation. Millennials are also famous for vocal fry, which the University of Melbourne describes as “the creaky voice they often do at the end of sentences that makes them sound eternally bored, cool and relaxed, depending on the listener.”

    The style of speaking reflected a powerful move away from anything that felt cheesy, artificial, or overly formal.

    For example, remember the “movie trailer voice” guy? Movie trailers don’t use those big, over-the-top narrators with deep gravitas anymore, preferring to let the footage and music speak for itself. This is partly due to the death of legendary voiceover man Don LaFontaine, but the movie trailer voiceover was also becoming too cliche and predictable for the Millennial audience.

    Krasinski, who’s naturally likable and “cool,” was the perfect person to bring all of this to life in his super chill but still-friendly way of speaking. It was only furthered cemented by the huge popularity of his character on The Office.

    Something changed in the last four years

    Platis goes on to say that the Golden Age of Millennial Voice has come and gone, and Gen Zers are taking center stage in the voiceover world.

    She describes Gen Z voice as detached and apathetic, “like you’re talking to someone without looking up from your phone.”

    And it’s what all the brands want now.

    Interestingly, Platis says that the Gen Z voice more closely resembles the sarcasm and unbothered-ness of Gen X—or, their parents.

    In other words, it all comes back around. No matter what generation you come from, it’s all but certain that the next one will want to do things their own way. It can hurt to feel like pop culture is leaving you behind, but it’s a necessary process for young people to form their own identities as they take a leading role in the world.

    As far as Millennials go, though, that trademarked Jim Halpert voice will never go out of style.

  • Entire elementary school is learning ASL to support their one deaf classmate
    Photo credit: CanvaYoung kids learning sign language.

    Seven-year-old Ben O’Reilly was the only deaf student in his entire school district. Add the fact that New Hampshire, where Ben lives, is one of the few states in the country without a dedicated school for the deaf, and Ben was pretty alone. Apart from his aide, Cheryl Ulicny, Ben had virtually no one to talk to. 

    “He didn’t have relationships with his peers or teachers, for that matter,” Ulicny told CBS News. “He was very alone. And he acted very alone.” 

    That is until a few of Ben’s classmates at Campton Elementary took it upon themselves to start learning basic sign language to communicate with him. Pretty soon, the rest of the class joined in, then other teachers in other grades, until the entire school was in on the project. 

    Today, almost every member knows at least a little ASL, meaning Ben finally has a community he can communicate with. 

    As for why the school to this on, Ben’s classmate Reid, who helped start this sweet movement, said it best:

    “He is my friend.”

    The kind gesture took Ben’s adoptive mothers, Etta and Marlaina O’Reilly, completely aback. Etta shared with CBS News, “I could barely breathe. Like it was just so overwhelming.”

    Down in the YouTube comments, viewers were equally moved. 

    “That is amazing. The first two boys decided to learn asl to communicate with a deaf child. And those three boys sparked a movement for the whole school to learn.”

    “There is hope in our children. Thank you for a beautiful story.”

    “All of these adults and children, such humanity.”

    “Young children who have so much compassion, so beautiful to see. We grownups could learn a lot from them.”

    asl, asl for kids, positive news
    Two children hugging. Photo credit: Canva

    A few folks even reflected on how much a similar act of kindness might have meant for their own deaf loved ones. 

    “Wow, what a beautiful story. I’m a (CODA) Child Of DEAF Adults. I would have loved to see this when I was younger. The kids in school would make fun of me and my brothers because our parents were deaf. Love this story, thank you to everyone that made this possible for this young boy,” one person wrote. 

    Another echoed, “My husband is deaf. Born in 1991 in Chicago. He had a great education but he hates thinking back on his school years because he was so isolated; especially in high school. I can only imagine how happy he would’ve been if those around him had done this when he was this boy’s age…”

    asl, asl for kids positive news
    Hands performing ASL. Photo credit: Canva

    Children often lead with curiosity and empathy, unburdened by the inhibition adults sometimes carry. This often leads to profound lessons. What started as a small effort by a few classmates became a ripple effect that transformed an entire school community. What a sweet reminder that inclusion does not always require grand gestures. Sometimes it only takes a willingness to meet someone where they are.

    It also speaks to a broader shift happening across the country. In recent years, American Sign Language education has steadily expanded, appearing more frequently in school curricula and even fulfilling foreign language requirements in many districts. Online resources, apps, and social media have made learning ASL more accessible than ever, helping bridge communication gaps and normalize its use among hearing individuals.

    Ultimately, Ben’s story is about what happens when people choose connection over convenience. Compassionate acts, both big and small, can bring people together in ways that truly change lives for the better.

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