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Health

Thousands of people explained why they're not afraid of dying. Here are their top reasons.

These perspectives might help some people who have a fear of death.

Fear of death is very common.

Most of us are at least a little bit afraid of dying, or at least not exactly excited about the idea. Self-preservation is a natural instinct, after all, and there's obviously nothing wrong with wanting to live. But there's a difference between wanting to live and being terrified of dying, especially since the latter can have a negative impact on your life. In some cases, fear of death can stop you from fully living—an unfortunately ironic conundrum.

Some fear the dying process itself and whatever pain or suffering they think might go along with that. Some fear the basic idea of no longer existing or the unknown of what, if anything, comes next. Some people fear the death of a loved one more than their own. An extreme fear of death that affects a person's daily life is called thanatophobia, and the Cleveland Clinic estimates that 3% to 10% of the population struggles with it.

Of course, if someone has a debilitating phobia, professional therapy is recommended. However, a person with a less clinical fear of dying may benefit from shifting how they look at and think about death. What's the secret of those who aren't afraid of dying? Thousands of people who don't fear death weighed in on why, and their answers may provide some unconsidered perspective for those stymied by the inescapable reality that their life on Earth will eventually end.

Here are the most popular reasons people said they don't fear dying.

from AskReddit

They are truly living life to its fullest

"Given the hand that I was dealt, I've a lived a life that I am proud of. If I die tomorrow, I know I was a good person who did his best."

"This is absolutely how I feel. I am lucky to finally reach a state of awareness that I didn’t know existed for a longass time. How I see it, everything after this is a bonus. Gotta try to enjoy it, spread as much love and joy as people are willing to receive, and do my best to keep learning and growing (mostly because it brings me fulfillment).

I still don’t want to die yet. But I’m also not afraid of dying like I used to be."

"100% death is something to be acknowledged, reflected upon, respected, and celebrated in a manner that anticipates the unknown. I’m not 'rushing or looking forward to death,' but when it does happen, I’ve lived a full life chasing happiness. No regrets. I feel I made the best choices I could, and lived an honest and wild life. Life is such a wild belle curve, and I’m overly thankful and excited for the persimmons randomly given to me to try as I am about something outrageously fantastic. Finding happiness in the smallest gifts sincerely brings so much peace to my soul."

Living a long life isn't always desirable

"I've seen old age, dementia, Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. Dying while still yourself is a good life, and is rather be around for a good time, not a long time."

"Ending up with Alzheimer's or dementia is more terrifying to me than either death or a painful one."

"Yep. As a caregiver for the elderly I totally agree with this. Watching the people you love literally become shells of themselves because of those diseases is one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve ever experienced in my life."

"This is my fear after watching a relative with pretty much pieces falling off of them for years while continually being offered life lengthening treatments. Finally a point came where he said no, enough is enough. This is the position that I absolutely do not ever wish to find myself in. His family is still in therapy from being a part of this long, drawn out, horrific process."

Death means rest

"I see death as rest. Life is exhausting, and at some point, we all deserve a break."

"100% my grandpa who fought in WW2 was in his 90s and would always say he was tired of living, but the doctors just kept keeping him alive. He said he lived a great life; just wanted to sleep."

"I was given last rites as a cancer patient in the ICU when I had sepsis a few years ago. I've recovered, but I remember very distinctly that being close to death felt like going 'home' ... mostly because the pain lifted. It was honestly like I'd imagine it felt in the womb. I didn't mind it at all."

"I feel this way, too. Just a sweet rest. I’m just a bit disappointed I won’t be aware of it."

Giving up control and accepting the inevitable

"I only fear a long painful one. I don’t fear what after. It’s gotta be either nothingness or everythingness."

"Because once you’re dead you don’t worry about being dead."

"Because I have no control over it and no reason to think it's unpleasant."

"I was dead for billions of years. Didn't bother me the first time."

"There's only a few things guaranteed in life, and death is one. I have no control over it, so I'm chugging along hoping and trying to be the best person I can be. I feel like I'm failing half the time, but I'm still going."

"Death is as natural as birth. I do not fear the inevitable."

'We sleep every night with no absolute certainty that we'll wake up, yet we don't fear it. I see this as death's training wheels."

Being okay with leading a not-so-notable life

"I'm not actively seeking it, and while there are life choices I would have made differently given the chance, I'm not going to allow myself to be burdened with regret if death approaches. I came from nothing, I'll return to nothing.

Studying history, in any given period of time, there are only a few hundred people of notability out of millions of humans. My insignificance to the passage of time or progress of humanity bothered me when I was younger, but I've come to peace that given the laws of probability, I was always more likely to be among the marginal millions (billions) than the notable few. Moreover, I made a conscious choice that what it takes to be among the notable few would compromise my interests and values too much. I'd have to give up family, passions, ethics, or something else I hold dear."

"What I also find interesting is even the most notable humans in history will one day be forgotten. Nothing humans do or achieve is permanent in the big picture of the universe. Take from that what you will. For me, it allows me to breathe and relax. I suppose some people will use that as justification for doing horrible things in the world. I don’t. I still strive to be the best version of myself."

"I also find a lot of value in appreciating that even if my name isn't remembered in history books, the kindness I show others - often just those in my immediate orbit, it's not like I have a huge platform or following - has a rippling effect that never really ends. Even if I just inspire another random citizen to do something kind, or thoughtful, or brave - that's a behavior that may never have come into our world had it not been for my actions. And then what might THAT person's actions inspire? How far will that chain reaction go? Recognizing that you truly can't even quantify the true impacts of your goodness helped me appreciate that doing good in my daily life is enough. Sure, I might not catch the attention of the press or historians, but I know I have inspired positive change in this world that reaches wider than I will ever know, and that is enough for me to keep trying."

Near death experiences changing their perspective

"Near death experience moved me from 'I’m scared of death' to 'hm, was that it?'"

"I had one of those. A complete calm came over me and I just thought, 'Ah, so this is how I die.'"

"Yes, almost died, kind of did die because my heart stopped a few times and came back on its own. Postpartum pre eclampsia. At first there was panic like, oh my god I'm gonna die and worrying about my babies. Then it was just calm. Like, this is fine. Very peaceful."

"I had a similar sensation when I almost died giving birth to my daughter. I was bleeding excessively during a cesarean and could feel myself slipping away as I continually lost and regained consciousness. I felt very peaceful. I knew my child would be loved and everything would be ok and that I could rest."

"I also almost died of sepsis/organ failure after ruptured appendix… there was 3 days of uncertainty if I would live. All I remember was peace. Felt like everything was right. I felt the presence of everyone Iv ever known who is dead which I still question… people I would never have been thinking about. Then when I was actually coming back to myself I became more and more fearful… possibility of being on dialysis forever or leaving loved ones behind. Changed me for sure."

"That’s how I felt after my motorcycle accident. That’s the closest I had come to death and still don’t know how long I was out for. Glad to still be here but death no longer scares me."

See more responses here.

A man walks on a golf course.

For most golfers, the game is as enjoyable as it is frustrating. It’s one of the few sports where, for the most part, you’re playing against yourself. The goal isn’t usually to beat your buddies but to play a few strokes below your last game. It’s all about measurable self-improvement. When you feel like you're getting worse, you get a strange desire to chuck your putter into the nearest pond.

Golf is so challenging that only 50% of people who pick up a club can break a score of 100, which isn’t exactly impressive.

In a heartbreaking Reddit post, a golfer who goes by the name Drumsurf on the forum shared how he learned to enjoy every moment of an unimpressive round because he realized what the game was all about: hanging out with friends and, to put it simply, just being able to play.

Sadly, his great realization came on the final of his life.


“I’m 53 and have been playing since I was 19-20. Love the game. Got diagnosed with stage IV cancer in 2020 and kept playing between chemo sessions, surgeries, etc.” Drumsurf wrote on a May 15, 2024 post. “My cancer has gone nuclear and I took I turn for the worse 2 months ago. I can no longer physically handle playing 18 holes or so much of anything that’s active.”

But that didn’t stop him from playing one last round with his friends. His game started strong but quickly faltered.

“I went today with two long-time friends and managed to play the first three holes 1 over par, but then my lack of fitness caught up to me,” he continued. “I took a double on 4, hit my drive in the water on 5, and spent the rest of the round riding in the cart and nursing a Transfusion. Fun to hang with friends and be out of the house, but I’m done with the game. Brutal, really, as I will miss it greatly.”

He ended his post with a message for everyone who’s ever had a hard time on the course. “Next time you get frustrated with golf remember those of us that can’t play any longer. Hit ‘em straight boys!” Drumsurf wrote.

The piece was a welcome wake-up call to many of the duffers on Reddit’s golf forum who’ve all experienced frustrating rounds.

"Thanks, man. It really puts it all in perspective," Helloholder wrote. "We are all one golfer. You’ll always be out there with us," Downwithflairs added.

"I’ll drive one into the water for you," Head_Attempt joked.

"I will not get mad the next time I hit a garbage shot. I’ll think of you and take inspiration. We are with you, my friend," KbPHoto wrote.

Some people paid tribute to Drumsurf by writing his name on their golf balls to remember his wisdom on their next round.

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After the post went viral, Drumsurf updated it by thanking everyone who chimed in with messages of support. “Thanks for all the well wishes,” Drumsurf wrote. “My battle is over. Stopped all treatment last month and started hospice care last week. I’m 100% at peace with it all.”

Joy

Hospice cat 'predicted' death, snuggling up to nursing home residents hours before they died

Staff would call residents' family members in as soon as they saw Oscar get cuddly.

Oscar the cat comforted dying residents at a Rhode Island nursing home for 17 years.

What if a cat could predict when someone was going to die?

That's exactly what Oscar the therapy cat became known for at Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center in Providence, Rhode Island. In fact, geriatrician and Brown University health researcher Dr. David Dosa, who worked with Steere House patients and witnessed Oscar in action, even wrote a book about the fluffy piebald cat's extraordinary ability.

Dr. Dosa told Crossroad Hospice that when Oscar came to Steere House in 2005, he wasn't particularly friendly with the residents. "Oscar was initially sort of a very scared cat,” he said. “He wouldn’t really like to come out. He would keep to himself. Often times you’d find him in the supply closet or under a bed somewhere."

But once in a while, Oscar would home in on a specific patient, visiting with them in their room and even cuddling up to them in bed. Cats are known to be finicky, so that kind of change in behavior wouldn't be so unusual, but soon staff noticed a pattern emerging.


"We would eventually find out after he did this several times that the people he was staying with were usually the next ones to go," shared Dr. Dosa. "One death occurred, then two deaths and ultimately he hit about 20 or 30 deaths in a row at which point everybody started to say, ‘Wow, this is something quite unique.’”

Oscar's behavior within hours of someone's death was so accurately predictive, staff started calling in the family members of residents as soon as they noticed the cat starting to get friendly and cuddly with them.

Dr. Dosa described what Oscar's behavior looked like in a video in 2010.

"When Oscar makes his rounds, he walks around the unit checking in on the 40-some patients on the floor," he said. "He only stays with patients if they really are at the end of life. He will come into a room, he has been known to jump on the windowsill and sit there for hours on end. Occasionally, he will jump on the bed and curl up to a patient, and he will be there until the very end."

The staff were all a bit skeptical at first. As Dr. Dosa shared, "It's not something that you see every day, and this was a pretty unremarkable acat in every other capacity."

But even a family member of a residents who died with Oscar by their side offered a perspective on Oscar's unique ability: "It’s not that we trusted the cat more than the nurse. Not, exactly. It was … well, there was just something about Oscar. He seemed so convinced of what he was doing. He was so clear in his intention and his dedication.'"

The big question is, of course: How did Oscar know?

"I think that ultimately your guess is as good as mine,” Dr. Dosa told Crossroad Hospice in 2016. “It [could be] likely that he’s responding to some smell when cells start to break down.”

Research shows that both cats and dogs have the ability to smell illness and disease in humans, and it's possible that Oscar had a particularly keen nose for chemical changes during the death process. Whatever it was, it compelled him to offer his companionship during someone's dying hours.

Oscar passed away himself in 2022 after comforting dying residents at Steere House for 17 years. Read more about him and his abilities in "Making Rounds with Oscar: The Extraordinary Gift of an Ordinary Cat" by David Dosa, M.D.

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"Making Rounds With Oscar: The Extraordinary Gift of an Ordinary Cat" by David Dosa, M.D.

Amazon

Family

A 'death box' may sound morbid, but it's actually a priceless gift for your loved ones

Anyone who's had to manage someone's affairs while grieving knows the value of a Nokbox.

If we don't prepare for our own passing, we leave our loved ones with a painful scavenger hunt.

"Do you have a death box?" my friend asked me out of the blue one day.

I'm sorry? A death box? Like … a casket?

"No, a box of paperwork for when you die," she said. "You need one, trust me. It's the best thing ever. I've given one to all of my immediate family members."

"It's not actually called a 'death box,'" she added as she pulled up a website on her phone. "It's called a Nokbox. Have you ever heard of it?"

I had not. And how the heck did we start talking about me dying?

As she began to explain and show me what the Nokbox was, I understood why she was so adamant about me needing one. She was right. I did need one. We all need one.


Anyone who has ever managed someone's affairs or experienced an unexpected passing of a loved one knows that grief isn't the only thing you have to process when someone dies. We live in an era of legalities and paperwork and official channels and bureaucracy, and that doesn't end when our life on Earth does. In fact, it's a big part of what we leave behind, as annoying as it is.

For instance, do your loved ones have access to your banking information? Credit card accounts? Social media profiles? Most of us would say no, as there's not much of a need for that when we're here. But what if we suddenly weren't? How would our loved ones know how to wrap things up for us?

A Nokbox—short for "next of kin box"—is an organizational system that helps those left behind avoid having to hunt through your files and electronics to close out accounts, notify lenders and other logistical tasks once you have passed away. You could create your own, of course, but the Nokbox does all the basic setup for you. (And no, this isn't an ad. I just greatly appreciate having things organized for me.)

As my Nokbox enthusiast friend explains, "After having some friends lose loved ones, I witnessed the grief coupled with immense stress that came along with trying to deal with the many tangible details left behind—what bills were there to pay and to whom, where were keys, where was a will if there was one, what were the passwords, etc."

Gifting a Nokbox to family members means they all have the same organizational system and know what to look for in the event one of them passes away. "It's the best gift you can give from the other side to your grieving family," she adds.

The Nokbox was created by Maria Fraietta, a teacher and real estate agent from Colorado, after her father passed away in 2021. Even though her father left a will, Fraietta soon realized how much of a scavenger hunt it was to find everything needed to handle his affairs. Figuring out passwords for his bank accounts, credit cards and investments meant hours of guesswork for the family. And what they experienced is painfully common.

Fraietta tells Upworthy she has sold 11,000 boxes working out of her backyard shed and shipping right from her front porch. She says when she started she held test groups in her kitchen to put together the first boxes and figure out every section that would be needed. As people gave her ideas, she added them to the list.

"A few things I forgot at first—storage units, donations to charity, and military service," she says. "I later added a Medicaid folder. It seemed weird to add a medical section at first, because the person has died. But family medical history is important. Medicaid is for you while you're living to manage what is a pretty cumbersome item. I really wanted the box to cover everything, and it does, with the exception of a separate business if people have that. (I am working on a "Biz Box.") The idea is that you can get rid of all of the other papers and files in your home so people—or you—never have to go through them later.

"It's a paper product for that reason as well," she adds. "We all still have paper in our lives, and it has to go somewhere. When you manage an estate, you'll get even more paper. Having one folder or piece of paper to mark everything you have that is digital is a huge help for your NOK [next-of-kin]. So, the product isn't antidigital, but it just keeps track of what we have in the cloud, on our laptops, etc."

The Nokbox comes in a few different choices, from the Nokbox Lite, which includes all of the instructions and labels you need but without any boxes or folders, to the Nokbox Fireproof, which includes everything you need in a fireproof file box.

Fraietta says there are dozens of things in the Nokbox that people don't think about, including in a when-I-die set of documents.

"When people see the box, they thumb through and say, 'Oh yeah, I forgot about that!'" she says. "It's different for everyone. One of my favorites is the list of key friends … let your NOK know of one 'representative' from each of your friend groups … college, book club, neighborhood friends, so they know who to notify, and that person can share with the others in that group. Along those same lines, a quick map of your neighbors is great—often the NOK doesn't know who they should notify and who has a spare key. Regarding having a will—there's a place in the box to indicate that you don't have one, so your NOK doesn't spend years looking for it. I have dozens of examples and stories of things people don't think of. When people look around their homes, they realize there are so many things that only they know how to manage."

No one wants to think about their own death, but everyone would benefit from preparing for the inevitable and enabling loved ones to grieve their passing with as few practical frustrations as possible. Imagine giving someone a gift that will save their loved ones hours of time and frustration in the midst of their time of grief. A "death box" might not seem like a very merry gift, but it truly is a priceless one. For the person who is hard to shop for or who seems to have everything, a Nokbox could be the perfect present, even if it raises an eyebrow or two.