Culture

People are sharing the 'best advice they ever received' and it's simple but powerful

People are sharing the 'best advice they ever received' and it's simple but powerful
via Martin Westin / Flickr

Hearing the right words, at the right time, from the right person can have a tremendously positive effect on our lives. Good advice can help us get through the toughest times or avoid getting into trouble altogether.

But, of course, receiving good advice only really matters if we put it into use and share it with others.

Reddit user noob_24 asked the online forum, "What is the best advice you have ever received? The advice that has impacted your life the most?" and some of the answers are truly life-changing.

The advice ranged from simple ways to look at complex problems to lessons on how to treat your spouse or friends.

Here are 12 of the best responses.

"Use your vacation hours, and don't be afraid to call in sick every now and then either". No need to work like a dog and ignore your benefits to please a boss who doesn't notice. Vacation/staycation days are gems that everyone should take!" — CBtheNomad

"My current boss says something as a joke that has helped me a lot more than he realizes, I am a mechanic but am not always the most confident (even when I know what I'm doing). He says "only one way to fix it, fix it." Weirdly enough it always makes me focus and remember there's no secret trick he knows that I dont, just got to do it. Applied that to other areas of my life and it helps so much more than I would have thought." — gumbypunk95

"Under promise and over deliver." — Ajegwu

"Marriage shouldn't be a 50/50 split. It should be a 60/40 split where both are trying to be the 60%." — fluggelhorn

"Do your future self a favor. This relates to prepping for the next day (clothes ironed, lunch packed) to saving money to making healthy choices. It makes for easier decisions and a better life." — smom

"Nobody's looking at you. They're worrying about how they look." — the-keen-one

"When my late wife was initially diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer, a friend who had lost his wife to the same disease a few years earlier took me aside and told me, 'When this nightmare is over you have to be proud of yourself.' Over the next 3+ years she fought valiantly and I lived my life and based my decisions on that piece of advice from my friend. I quit my 75% travel job to spend time and help care for her - I would never wish o spent another night in a Hampton Inn rather than with her. I cashed out my 401(k) and Pension so that she could live comfortably and we wouldn't be scrimping and saving - I have decades to rebuild a plan for retirement. I will not have decades to spend with the woman I loved. She has since passed away and I am so incredibly thankful for that advice and for my following that advice. I am proud of myself and how much I loved her. I thank my friend every time I see him." — liquidreno

"I posted it elsewhere, but my step-dad once told me that: If there is a problem and you know the solution, you can solve it, so stop worrying about it. If there is a problem you can't solve, then there is nothing you can do, so stop worrying about it." — RealistMissy

"If you are ashamed to tell people what you are doing, you shouldn't be doing it." — LeeciXo

"What you did wasn't wrong, it was illegal. There's a difference.
My dad to me when I got caught with a bit of weed and thrown in a jail cell at 17." — Dragonet17

"When I was 19 I got busted selling drugs and got some time for it. 2 months in my girlfriend at the time admitted she had slept with someone and on the jail pay phone I lost my shit on her. I was mean. .. This mid-30s guy from Maryland I had made semi friends with asked me what was wrong so I played out what she had done in an unpleasant way. Jeff looks at me and says, 'doesn't she have your kid?' I respond 'yeah and she's out doing that with a 6 month old at home.' Jeff pauses for a long moment, looks me dead in the eye and replies 'Do you think you are the hero of her story?' I don't know why but that hit me like a bus being pushed by a crashing plane.

I wasn't even the hero of my OWN story and I had gone to jail after knocking her up because I wouldn't (couldn't really but I got myself into addiction) stop being a selfish ass. She wanted to break up with me but was having a hard time with it and she felt all alone in the world and uncared for and grabbed at the first person that showed her attention. Who am I to destroy the story of her life and expect something in return?

I gave it a couple days and called her back, told her I was sorry and I understand, I would never do that again and she deserved to be happy. I told her that no matter what I would straighten out and take care of our daughter and give her room to live her life. She said it was more adult than she thought I was capable of and wanted to start with a clean slate when I got out. 21 years later we are still together.

I will NEVER forget Jeff and him saying "Do you think you are the hero of her story?" It changed me fundamentally and all I want is to not be the villain in someone else's story ever again." — khavii

"I was in a pretty negative place in college, being quite cynical and sarcastic and really insecure with myself, so much that I was ragging on friends and generally trying to build myself up by putting other people down (you know the type, the friend who thinks he's busting chops but really is kinda just being a dick). My well-liked, popular roommate/friend noticed this and sent me this little bit, which I always hang onto:

'Immediately stop picking on peoples weaknesses, do what I do, expose their qualities and strengths, it makes them feel good about themselves and you too for noticing. When you make people feel good when you're around, they are going to remember that feeling whenever you show up, you'll be well received and missed often. Plus don't you want your friends to feel good about themselves?'

It made me re-visit the way I'd been treating people around me." — DangerousPushon

This inspired Saturniqa to share a story about a friend who's "universally loved."

"This! One of my friends is universally beloved and the most popular person I've ever known. He has a big circle of close friends (real ones and not including good acquaintances) who are extremely protective of him and deeply care about him. I kid you not, everytime we hang out, 1 - 3 people on the street stop and greet him heartily with a hug, chat with him for a few minutes before they move on. It's insane.

Since I struggle often in social situations (Asperger's), I started observing him whenever he interacted with me or others, in the hope of learning something. I noticed:

He never talks badly about others, regardless of whether this person is present or not.
He never partakes in trash talk, even when everyone in the group does.
If he talks about someone, he only mentions their positive qualities without exaggerations or brown-nosing. If someone pissed him off, he tells the story in a way that is focused on the situation itself and the way it made him feel.
He always praises others for their big and small achievements. There are no traces of pettiness, jealousy or envy. You know he means it.

He shares other's happiness over things he doesn't have. Like, when one of his wealthy friends buys a second fancy car while he can't afford a single one, he'll still be like "Wow, nice man! Let me take a ride or two with this one." They'll drive around, have lots of fun and go have a drink. He also openly compliments a male friend's super fit body without fearing he might come off as "gay" and is proud and supportive when that friend gets female attention like he always does even though he (my friend) himself isn't particularly trained and didn't have a serious relationship until recently (he's 26).

Yeah, I love this guy."

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Empowered Women

Telling your story can be powerful and healing. That's why they founded this nonprofit.

Courtesy of Amita Swadhin
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In 2016, Amita Swadhin, a child of two immigrant parents from India, founded Mirror Memoirs to help combat rape culture. The national storytelling and organizing project is dedicated to sharing the stories of LGBTQIA+ Black, indigenous people, and people of color who survived child sexual abuse.

"Whether or not you are a survivor, 100% of us are raised in rape culture. It's the water that we're swimming in. But just as fish don't know they are in water, because it's just the world around them that they've always been in, people (and especially those who aren't survivors) may need some help actually seeing it," they add.

"Mirror Memoirs attempts to be the dye that helps everyone understand the reality of rape culture."

Amita built the idea for Mirror Memoirs from a theater project called "Undesirable Elements: Secret Survivors" that featured their story and those of four other survivors in New York City, as well as a documentary film and educational toolkit based on the project.

"Secret Survivors had a cast that was gender, race, and age-diverse in many ways, but we had neglected to include transgender women," Amita explains. "Our goal was to help all people who want to co-create a world without child sexual abuse understand that the systems historically meant to help survivors find 'healing' and 'justice' — namely the child welfare system, policing, and prisons — are actually systems that facilitate the rape of children in oppressed communities," Amita continues. "We all have to explore tools of healing and accountability outside of these systems if we truly want to end all forms of sexual violence and rape culture."

Amita also wants Mirror Memoirs to be a place of healing for survivors that have historically been ignored or underserved by anti-violence organizations due to transphobia, homophobia, racism, xenophobia, and white supremacy.

Amita Swadhin

"Hearing survivors' stories is absolutely healing for other survivors, since child sexual abuse is a global pandemic that few people know how to talk about, let alone treat and prevent."

"Since sexual violence is an isolating event, girded by shame and stigma, understanding that you're not alone and connecting with other survivors is alchemy, transmuting isolation into intimacy and connection."

This is something that Amita knows and understands well as a survivor herself.

"My childhood included a lot of violence from my father, including rape and other forms of domestic violence," says Amita. "Mandated reporting was imposed on me when I was 13 and it was largely unhelpful since the prosecutors threatened to incarcerate my mother for 'being complicit' in the violence I experienced, even though she was also abused by my father for years."

What helped them during this time was having the support of others.

"I'm grateful to have had a loving younger sister and a few really close friends, some of whom were also surviving child sexual abuse, though we didn't know how to talk about it at the time," Amita says.

"I'm also a queer, non-binary femme person living with complex post-traumatic stress disorder, and those identities have shaped a lot of my life experiences," they continue. "I'm really lucky to have an incredible partner and network of friends and family who love me."

"These realizations put me on the path of my life's work to end this violence quite early in life," they said.

Amita wants Mirror Memoirs to help build awareness of just how pervasive rape culture is. "One in four girls and one in six boys will be raped or sexually assaulted by the age of 18," Amita explains, "and the rates are even higher for vulnerable populations, such as gender non-conforming, disabled, deaf, unhoused, and institutionalized children." By sharing their stories, they're hoping to create change.

"Listening to stories is also a powerful way to build empathy, due to the mirror neurons in people's brains. This is, in part, why the project is called Mirror Memoirs."

So far, Mirror Memoirs has created an audio archive of BIPOC LGBTQI+ child sexual abuse survivors sharing their stories of survival and resilience that includes stories from 60 survivors across 50 states. This year, they plan to record another 15 stories, specifically of transgender and nonbinary people who survived child sexual abuse in a sport-related setting, with their partner organization, Athlete Ally.

"This endeavor is in response to the more than 100 bills that have been proposed across at least 36 states in 2021 seeking to limit the rights of transgender and non-binary children to play sports and to receive gender-affirming medical care with the support of their parents and doctors," Amita says.

In 2017, Mirror Memoirs held its first gathering, which was attended by 31 people. Today, the organization is a fiscally sponsored, national nonprofit with two staff members, a board of 10 people, a leadership council of seven people, and 500 members nationally.

When the pandemic hit in 2020, they created a mutual aid fund for the LGBTQIA+ community of color and were able to raise a quarter-million dollars. They received 2,509 applications for assistance, and in the end, they decided to split the money evenly between each applicant.

While they're still using storytelling as the building block of their work, they're also engaging in policy and advocacy work, leadership development, and hosting monthly member meetings online.

For their work, Amita is one of Tory's Burch's Empowered Women. Their donation will go to Mirror Memoirs to help fund production costs for their new theater project, "Transmutation: A Ceremony," featuring four Black transgender, intersex, and non-binary women and femmes who live in California.

"I'm grateful to every single child sexual survivor who has ever disclosed their truth to me," Amita says. "I know another world is possible, and I know survivors will build it, together with all the people who love us."

To learn more about Tory Burch and Upworthy's Empowered Women program visit https://www.toryburch.com/empoweredwomen/. Nominate an inspiring woman in your community today!

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Wil Wheaton gave a perfect explanation of how to separate problematic artists from their art

Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia Commons

Wil Wheaton speaking to an audience at 2019 Wondercon.

In an era of debates over cancel culture and increased accountability for people with horrendous views and behaviors, the question of art vs. artist is a tricky one. When you find out an actor whose work you enjoy is blatantly racist and anti-semitic in real life, does that realization ruin every movie they've been a part of? What about an author who has expressed harmful opinions about a marginalized group? What about a smart, witty comedian who turns out to be a serial sexual assaulter? Where do you draw the line between a creator and their creation?

As someone with his feet in both worlds, actor Wil Wheaton weighed in on that question and offered a refreshingly reasonable perspective.

A reader who goes by @avinlander asked Wheaton on Tumblr:

"Question: I have more of an opinion question for you. When fans of things hear about misconduct happening on sets/behind-the-scenes are they allowed to still enjoy the thing? Or should it be boycotted completely? Example: I've been a major fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer since I was a teenager and it was currently airing. I really nerded out on it and when I lost my Dad at age 16 'The Body' episode had me in such cathartic tears. Now we know about Joss Whedon. I haven't rewatched a single episode since his behavior came to light. As a fan, do I respectfully have to just box that away? Is it disrespectful of the actors that went through it to knowingly keep watching?"

And Wheaton offered this response, which he shared on Facebook:

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Chewy spotlights the photographers who help pets get adopted

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When a pet is admitted to a shelter it can be a traumatizing experience. Many are afraid of their new surroundings and are far from comfortable showing off their unique personalities. The problem is that's when many of them have their photos taken to appear in online searches.

Chewy, the pet retailer who has dedicated themselves to supporting shelters and rescues throughout the country, recognized the important work of a couple in Tampa, FL who have been taking professional photos of shelter pets to help get them adopted.

"If it's a photo of a scared animal, most people, subconsciously or even consciously, are going to skip over it," pet photographer Adam Goldberg says. "They can't visualize that dog in their home."

Adam realized the importance of quality shelter photos while working as a social media specialist for the Humane Society of Broward County in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

"The photos were taken top-down so you couldn't see the size of the pet, and the flash would create these red eyes," he recalls. "Sometimes [volunteers] would shoot the photos through the chain-link fences."

That's why Adam and his wife, Mary, have spent much of their free time over the past five years photographing over 1,200 shelter animals to show off their unique personalities to potential adoptive families. The Goldbergs' wonderful work was recently profiled by Chewy in the video above entitled, "A Day in the Life of a Shelter Pet Photographer."

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