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Harvard expert's 5-3-1 rule is the key to a healthy social life

How much time should you spend with your friends?

via Canva/Photos

Some long-time friends on vacation.

In a world where we must keep busy to survive, it can be easy to neglect our social lives. This becomes even harder as we age and our friends have families and more responsibilities. Once you hit your 30s, the friends you saw every few days can quickly become people you only see a few times a year.

Friendships need to be nurtured to keep moving forward. If not, one day, our closest friends will begin to feel like strangers. Sadly, this is a common occurrence, and studies show that as people age, their circle of friends becomes smaller and smaller. This is one of the many factors contributing to what's known as the "loneliness epidemic." Studies show that one in three Americans report feeling lonely regularly, and one in four has no social and emotional support at all.

Further, in a world with Netflix, video games, and social media, it can be easy to be entertained without making plans, leaving the house, or spending time with anyone. But that shortcut could lead to waking up one day with very few people in your life. We know we need to get out there and be social, but what’s the correct amount of time we should spend hanging out?

gym friends, friends, selfiesFriends spending time at the gym. via Canva/Photos

Kasley Killam, a Harvard-trained social scientist and author of "The Art and Science of Connection," has made it easy with her simple 5-3-1 rule, a guideline for evaluating social health. "We need to be intentional about connection, just like we are with exercise and eating healthy foods," Killam told Business Insider.

What is the 5-3-1 rule?

(5) Spend time with FIVE different people a week

A 2022 Harvard Business School study found that the more “diverse” the group we socialize with, the happier we will be. That means we shouldn’t just spend time with our close friends and family members but grab a coffee with a friend from the gym or spend some time with an old friend you haven’t seen in years. As the song goes, “Make new friends but keep the old one is silver and the other’s gold.”

(3) Nurture at least THREE close relationships

Focus on nurturing three friendships every day, whether you text them or make plans to see each other. These are the people at the top of your phone list or who would be your emergency contacts.

(1) Have ONE quality hour of social connection a day

Make time every day to socialize with someone, whether by hopping on a phone call with a family member or going on a walk with a neighbor. "That doesn't have to be all at once," Killam said. " It could be 10 minutes here, 10 minutes there." The important rule Killam says is that the interaction has to be “meaningful.”

friends, photos, selfiesFriends spending time at the Redondo Beach pier. via Canva/Photos

Socializing is great for our happiness but can also help us live longer. A study of senior citizens found that the more people socialized, the longer they lived. Those who lived the longest took time to socialize with someone once a day.

Living by the 5-3-1 isn’t just for older people who need to get back into socializing. It’s great for younger people because it can strengthen their relationships and their mental health at the same time. You may be busy these days, but at the end of your life, you probably won’t remember that long day you spent at the office or a random Thursday stuck in traffic. But you will remember that walk you took with your friend when you needed someone to talk to or that night you stayed a little late at your bestie's house making vacation plans.

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Real men share the simple but challenging keys to 'winning' your 40s

Your body may not be at its peak anymore, but your life can be.

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One thing almost all of us have in common is a fear of getting older. Besides the obvious reckoning with our own mortality that comes along with aging, we're also forced to deal with unavoidable realities like a changing physical appearance (rarely for the better), mental decline, a body that can't do what it used to, and more. Fun stuff!

40 seems to be the magic number where people really begin to seriously reckon with getting older, a la a midlife crisis. The idea of a midlife crisis is usually played as a joke — middle-aged men buying flaming red sports cars — but can be a significant milestone in most people's lives where they really reflect on what matters and what their priorities will be for the remainder of their lives.

In fact, this time of reflection (and a bit of freaking out!) can actually be a good thing. Studies show that people overall tend to get happier and more satisfied as they get older, even into and beyond your 30s, 40s, and 50s. (Things tend to get a bit bumpy around your 70s, I'm sorry to say.)

So if you're on a collision course with your 40s, don't fret. You may not be able to avoid wrinkles and a creaky back, but your 40s can be the best decade of your life. If you know how to approach them.


40s man standing on beach during daytime Photo by Rana Sawalha on Unsplash

A recent Reddit thread on AskMenOver30 went viral and was chock full of incredible advice for "winning" your 40s. The advice was written for and by men, but could just as easily be applied to anyone.

The original poster, broccolisubstantial2, wrote:

"I turned 40 a few years back, and let me tell you—this decade hit differently. It's like life sends you an email marked 'URGENT,' and suddenly, you’re questioning your health, career, relationships, and whether or not you should actually start flossing.

"But here’s the thing: the 30s and 40s aren’t a crisis—they’re an upgrade. Here’s how I’ve approached it, and I’d love to hear your thoughts, wins, and struggles too."

Prioritize physical health, within reason

Started lifting regularly—not to look like Thor (though that’d be cool), but to future-proof my body. I eat better, but still smash the occasional burger because life is short. Sleep? Non-negotiable. 7 hours minimum. Don’t let the 20-year-olds shame you for it. - broccolisubstantial2

Exercise...walk, hike, bike, swim, lift whatever. It makes a huge odds. I'm mid 50s and have been exercising regularly for 25 years. It's only now I can really see the benefit. Mates who have not looked after themselves are getting ill e.g. diabetes (3 in past year), heart disease and heart attack (1 in past year), obesity (too many). This is only going to get worse. - assistantbitter2205

One big thing: skin care. I get monthly facials with the detail work (lady lurkers will know what I’m talking about) and they have made a massive difference. My skin is healthy and I look as though I just turned 40 rather than staring at 48. So gentlemen—facials. Get them, get the details, and prepare to experience exquisite pain getting your blackheads cleared out of your nose once a month. But the payoff is worth it. - mnemnosine

Doctors agree that sleep, exercise, and avoiding too much drugs and alcohol are the best things you can do for your body's longevity. Oh, and go to the doctor, for crying out loud! Looking at you, men.

Career? Less is more

I stopped chasing "success" and started chasing satisfaction. Learned to say “no” at work. If you’re not being paid for 24/7 availability, don’t give it. Investing in skills, not just a job. ... Now I work smart, not endlessly. - broccolisubstantial2

Actually pursuing becoming a full time landscape artist. Work smarter not endlessly is gold. - drvanostranmd

Dude it legitimately changed my life when at 25 I realized that my go on life is not to succeed but to be content with the life I have. ... Am I successful in my job? No but I'm making enough money to live, save up some, and buy myself nice things when I want all while my job doesn't take up too much of my time. - ninjabladeJr

Wellness Camille Styles says settings boundaries with work is huge at this age. Volunteering for every extra project and saying Yes to everything to get ahead is a game for your 20s and maybe 30s. Your 40s are the moment to begin respecting your own time.

Relationships matter more than ever

man sitting beside two woman on gray surface Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

Friendships: They shrink, but that’s fine. Quality over quantity, lads. Dating/Marriage: Communicate like your life depends on it. It probably does. Family: Yeah, call your mum. - broccolisubstantial2

The biggest priority is to continue to like my wife even though we're mostly just co-parents right now and sometimes friends. If we can make it to the youngest being out of the little stage then I think I'll have a great marriage to look forward to in my 40s. - htom_sirvoux

Stop wilfully interacting with people who are energy vampires. Used to have a buddy who was a chronic yes man, and would say whatever he thought you wanted to hear. I don’t have the energy to try and figure out whether you’re being honest or not. See ya. This has also furthered my resolve to say what I mean and mean what I say. Which is difficult, as I used to really enjoy biting sarcasm. - stockuser42

You may find your 40s is a time you have to push yourself outside of your comfort zone to make new friends. If you've lost touch with many and found your social circle too whittled down, don't be afraid to join a new club, take a class, or volunteer to strike up some new bonds.

Investing in mental health will keep you young

Therapy is not a weakness. It's like squats for your brain. Journaling once a week helped me declutter my thoughts. - broccolisubstantial2

Another life hack for someone of any age: mindfulness and being present. This is essentially a social super power that makes everyone involved feel awesome. So many things are vying for our attention these days. Someone who will calmly listen, marinate in your words, and respond in an appropriate and salient way is extremely rare. It really does not take much effort. Just imagine the person you’re talking to has something of value, and that that moment is currently the most important thing in your life. - mrrabblerouser

Experts agree that presence and mindfulness are huge for feeling happy and satisfied in your 40s and beyond. If you haven't already, now would be a great time to try meditation or journaling to help you with gratitude for each day.

Do whatever makes you happy, and do more of it

Picked up hobbies I abandoned in my 20s (any other late-night painters here?). Said yes to things I thought I was “too old” for (running at 39? Why not?). Prioritised experiences over "stuff." A trip with friends beats a new phone any day. - broccolisubstantial2

I’m 43. Last week I saw a Lego set I wanted in 1986 at a vintage toy store, complete in box. I hesitated, but eventually circled back and bought it. It brought me a certain nostalgic joy that I haven’t experienced in a very long time. Men, nurture your inner child! - rjove

Experts say the key to happiness as you get older is freeing yourself from other people's expectations when it comes to things you enjoy. The more you can distance yourself from what other people think of you, the better off you'll be. Just do what you want more often and get better at saying No to things you don't want to do.

The thread OP admitted he had a midlife crisis around the time he turned 40 and did all the wrong things: Bought the stereotypical sports car, had an affair, poured himself into work, relied too much on substances. He worried so much about his life coming to an end that he almost destroyed it way too early when, predictably, none of those things actually worked.

That's why the crisis is sometimes necessary. Being afraid of aging can be a good thing when it helps us focus and reprioritize on what's really important, like our relationships, our health, and doing things we love.

Pretty simple when you get right down to it, right?

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3-step 'old man test' may predict a lot about your lifespan

Can you do this without cheating?

dr.tommymartin/TikTko & tami1231/TikTok

The TikTokers are at it again. This time, they're standing on one foot and trying not to fall over while they put on their socks and shoes. It might seem silly (and it definitely looks silly), but this latest social media challenge could actually reveal a lot about your health. Affectionately dubbed the 'Old Man Test' (or something the 'Old Person Test'), fitness trainer Chris Hinshaw initially developed the idea all the way back in 2021 as a way to test a person's balance, coordination, and biological age. It's been going viral ever since.

What is the 'Old Man Test'? How to try it at home

You've probably heard of similar challenges and tests like the famous sit-stand or sit-rise test, where you're challenged to sit down on the ground and stand back up again without using your hands and arms. Doing so successfully requires good balance, strength, stability, coordination, and even heart-health — making it a good indicator of how long you might expect to live.

There's also the bar-hang test, which posits that if you can dead hang from a pull-up bar for about 30-60 seconds, you're in good shape when it comes to how well you might age.

The Old Man Test is a lot like those, but some might say it's even more challenging. It consists of three-steps, which makes it unique:

Step One: Standing barefoot on one leg, reach down and grab your sock off the floor, then slide it onto the raised foot

Step Two: Still balancing on one foot, reach down and grab your shoe from the floor, and slide it on over the sock

Step Three: Still balancing, tie the shoe completely before lowering your foot back to the floor.

Now, if that wasn't hard enough, repeat for the other leg!

You can search TikTok or any social media for #oldmantest and see dozens of videos over the years of people attempting the challenge. You'll see men, women, young, and old alike doing it with varying levels of success. I even saw one challenge where the whole family, from pre-teen to grandma, all attempted the test at the same time!

Passing the test means your balance, core strength, flexibility, and coordination are looking good. Failing? Well...

@dr.tommymartin

Can you do this? Who remembers the old man test?

Why balance says so much about your health

One of the key similarities between many of the viral "longevity tests" is how good your balance is. Good balance has been correlated with living a longer life again and again in scientific studies. Why is that always the common denominator, and why does it tell us so much about how long we might live?

First, there's the obvious. The older we get, the more likely we are to fall, and the more likely those falls are to seriously hurt us. Having great coordination and balance keeps us safe from those accidental spills.

But the importance of balance goes deeper. It's such a foundational component of our health because it helps us maintain good posture as we get older, keeps our legs and cores strong, and can even help with our cognitive function.

If you have trouble with the sit-rise test or the Old Man Test, don't worry — balance is something that can be trained and improved.

Regular exercise and mobility work can help, as can balance-specific training like working with balance balls or doing one-legged exercises. Even long walks have been shown to improve balance. It could also be related to an issue with vision, the inner ear, or brain function — which, again, is why testing your balance and coordination is such an excellent indicator of overall health.

Also, don't take any viral fitness challenge as gospel. Some people are naturally less mobile and flexible than others due to limitations in their joints and muscles, and their inability to complete these tests may have nothing to do at all with fitness levels or overall health. So no, you aren't doomed to die young if you can't tie your shoe while balancing on one foot.

That doesn't mean it's not fun to give it a try!

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Joy

Oldest Home Depot employee in North America shares the key to living a happy life

A beautiful reminder to "treat the world like your family."

Photo credit: Canva

There's always a good reason to be kind.

We’ve all seen those videos where an influencer, posing as a regular joe, asks a person for help, and when that person does say yes to helping, the influencer repays that kindness with money, tickets to a game or some other amazing surprise.

This is the content bread and butter for Youtuber Zachery Dereniowski, otherwise known as @mdmotivator, one of the main catalysts of this philanthropic viral trend. Dereniowski has tons of videos capturing the exact moment when unsuspecting strangers had their lives changed forever, all because their generosity was recognized.

This time, our recipient ends up being the giver twice, thanks to the hard earned wisdom they depart.

In the video, Dereniowski appears at a Home Depot, and asks the friendly employee there, David Frank, and asks him for a dollar to purchase a nail since he “left his wallet at home” (this is one of Dereniowski’s signature setups).

After admitting he doesn't have any money from him, Frank asks Dereniowski what he needs the bolt for. When Dereniowski replies that it’s for his son’s desk, Frank not only decides he goes to pay for the bolt on his credit card, he marches back to the bolt aisle to select the right one for the job.

“[Why] are you gonna help me?” Dereniowski asks. To which Frank replies, “well you’re stuck and you have a problem, so we’re gonna try to help you.” Plain and simple.

It’s then we learn that only a week ago, an entire section of the Home Depot was cleared to celebrate Frank’s 100th birthday. He even made headlines as “The oldest Home Depot employee in North America.”

Dereniowski then asks Frank, “what’s the key to living a long, healthy life?”

“Treat the world like your family,” says Frank. “Be nice to them. Be sensible. That’s all.”


@mdmotivator “I am 100 years old” 🥹❤️ #kindness #homedepot #help #money #support #surprise #wholesome ♬ original sound - Zachery Dereniowski

Yep, we pretty much just got a Mister Rogers moment IRL. But Franks’s words are more than just platitudes. Research has indeed indicated that kindness can lead to longevity by giving us a sense of purpose, helping us connect to others and (perhaps most science-y of all) keeping inflammation levels down. But honestly, no amount of supporting evidence can really compare to how good we feel when being kind, compassionate and generous.

Clearly sticking to his message, when Dereniowski admits he did actually have his wallet with him and hands over $1000, Frank says that he’ll use the money to help another stranger. After he recovers from being stunned, that is.

Aside from getting a surprise grand, interactions like these are all in a day’s work for Frank. In his interview with Windsor Star, the centenarian shared that he enjoys his job because he gets to meet people and help solve their problems, saying “it keeps me busy and in the loop.” While there are certainly pros and cons to working after retirement age, this certainly shows how keeping busy can be beneficial. Not just busy, but mission oriented.

As for whether or not Frank plans to quit anytime soon, it seems he’s prioritizing “staying active.”

“What would I do? Sit at home and end up getting blisters on my rear end?” he told the Windsor star. “No way. I would never want to (spend) it that way.”

That’s the spirit, Frank. Here’s to another go round the sun.

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