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The 17 harsh truths about aging that people were never 'prepared' for

"How your mind stays young while your body starts to slow down."

via Kindel Media/Pexels

A woman contemplating aging

Many of us feel invincible when we are young, believing we can control the aging process so that we’ll always stay forever young, as Bob Dylan once sang. But there’s a moment when everyone realizes aging is an inevitable process and that, eventually, we will have to deal with a slow decline in our physical and, quite possibly, mental capabilities.

This realization and understanding that we won’t be here forever can profoundly change one’s perspective on life. Even though aging is inevitable, studies show how we think about the process can significantly impact our longevity. People with a positive view of aging live an average of 7.5 years longer than those without.

Things happen as we age that are impossible to describe to younger people. However, a group of Redditors did an excellent job of explaining the truths about aging that they were not “prepared” for in a recent thread that made a lot of people feel seen. A user named sofiagympixie asked the AskReddit forum, “What’s a truth about aging that no one prepared you for?” and it received over 2,700 responses.

A big takeaway is that many people feel like they stop mentally aging at a certain point, usually in their late 20s. Still, the continued physical aging they experience makes them feel like they cannot relate to the person in the mirror.



Here are 17 of the most profound responses to the question: What’s a truth about aging that no one prepared you for?

1. There is an end

"You start to realize the older you get that the end is closer than the beginning and you still feel like you have so much more to do."

"That moment where you start to get a sense that there is an end."

2. It takes energy to keep everything afloat

"No one prepared me for how much energy and time it takes to maintain everything—like health, relationships, and just staying organized. It’s way more work than I expected!"

3. Mind/body detachment

"How your mind stays young while your body starts to slow down. You still feel like the same person you’ve always been, but suddenly you notice little things changing."

"This was such a surprise to me. I really expected to feel psychologically older as I aged. But physically, oh my body has betrayed me... Eyes... hair (gray, but at least I still have it)... back... knees... hips... prostate."



4. The past feels closer than it is

"When you get a flashback of a good memory and you realize that was over 10 years ago."

"When I told my daughter about something I did 24 years ago, I had to pause for a moment."

Time flies isn't just a saying. Psychologists agree that our minds lump time together based on novel experiences. When we are older, the days are a lot more similar than when we were young children. That's why when you're 80, time moves a lot faster than it did when you were 8.

5. Stuck in the wrong time

"I’m 61, and sometimes I feel like this world is not for me anymore. I feel almost like an imposter. For example, I can’t find clothes I like that fit correctly, TV is abhorrent, only old music sounds pleasant, shoes are uncomfortable, I don’t recognize most celebrities or famous people in the news or tabloids, and I don’t understand the need for most new and supposedly exciting products. I’m an educated person, I still work and have an active life. I’m not a recluse. But a little at a time, I feel the world is moving on without me. I finally understand why, in her final years, my mother only watched movies from the 1950s and reminisced about the past more than she talked about the present. Her world was long gone."



6. You lose friends

"If you choose not to have kids, you may end up losing your friends. I turn 40 this year, and my partner and I don't see many folks these days. Parents like to hang out with other parents. And I don't have a grudge, I totally see the value for playdates, etc. But it can be a little lonely."

"To be fair, I have 2 kids and lost a lot of friends because we simply don’t have the time/energy to connect regularly enough to maintain a healthy friendship. It instead falls into an awkward acquaintance stage where enough time passes between communication, and you’re not sure if reaching out to connect comes across weird."

7. Your parents are aging, too

"It's not just you who is getting old. Your parents are getting even older."

"I feel this. Lost my mom 2 weeks before my 21st birthday. 40 now with 2 kids. I get angry/sad at a lot of milestones like my wedding and kids' stuff ‘cause my mom was robbed of them, and I was robbed of her."

8. Time wasted caring about other people's opinions

"It’s so freeing when that old twinge of 'why don’t they like me' pops up, and then I remember that I can not be bothered by that anymore, and magically, I don’t care!"

"Just wasting time in general. No thanks. I want to do as many things as possible!"



9. Your friends die

"Your friends start to die. It's something I never thought about."

10. Time flies

"Man. I don’t even feel like the days are long anymore. I just keep blinking and the weeks go by."

"Yup, wake up, eat breakfast, do a couple things. Wait, it’s lunch already? Eat lunch, do a couple more things, time to prep dinner. Eat dinner, clean up, fix a few things, it’s 9 pm. I guess it’s almost time to get ready for bed? This times 10,000 for me."

11. The monotony sets in

"You will realize that you hate planning meals and making food every single day. It's boring, and it's too easy to fall into monotony. But you have to make lunch again and then plan for dinner again then make dinner again and what do you want to eat tomorrow so you plan for breakfast tomorrow and get up and make breakfast again and then plan for lunch again...."

12. You become invisible to much of society

"I wondered what felt off the last year. Gen Z is everywhere now, and I'm still asking myself when that happened."



13. Adults aren't real

"When you're a kid, you can't wait to 'grow up,' and then you do, and you're still you, just older. That voice inside your head doesn't change, but what you see in the mirror does. Only now you're just older and saddled with bills and stress and all of life's 'surprises.' On top of this, everyone is winging it. Absolutely everyone. Because the idea of order and a civilized society is an illusion. We're all playing by made up rules and making imaginary money and all the rest of it. A one-dollar bill costs just as much to print as a hundred-dollar bill."

14. Priorities change

"Things that seemed so important when you were younger, really are not important."

15. Younger people's reverence

"I'm middle-aged, and a funny thing is how younger people get self-conscious or apologize when there is no need. For example, they will apologize for swearing around me or mentioning something like (gasp) drinking, or drugs, or sleeping around. I think it's funny. Why would being on earth longer make me easier to scandalize? I've seen and done things that would shock them, lol, but to them I'm a very proper-looking classy older lady."

16. Ageism

"Doors start closing once you reach a certain age."

"Ageism is real. I just turned 50 and am in a young person's career (software development). I feel how hiring managers look at me when asked to turn my camera on, during an interview that was going very well and suddenly it's 'we'll get back to you.'"

17. It all catches up

"Things like drinking, eating unhealthily, smoking, spending ... they will catch up. When you're young you think you're different, or you think that when it does catch up you'll be old so who cares, I won't care when I'm old anyway. You will care, though. You'll still be you. Those things won't seem like an issue right up to the moment they are. And then it's too late to take them back."

This article originally appeared in September.
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Health

How Japan's '80%' philosophy of eating may help us all be healthier

It's not about losing weight, though that may be a byproduct.

Photo credit: Canva

Japanese food tends to be healthy, but there's more to healthy eating than the food itself.

Many Americans were told to "clean your plate" growing up, meaning to eat everything you were served at mealtime. To leave food on your plate was considered rude, ungrateful or otherwise undesirable behavior, and the habit of eating everything in front of you became ingrained.

Kids raised in Japan may have been brought up with an entirely different philosophy, one that tells them to stop eating before they are full. It's called hara hachi bu (or sometimes hara hachi bun me).

Stop eating when you're 80% full

Hara hachi bu literally translates to "belly 80% full" and on it's face that's literally what it means—stop eating when your stomach feels 80% full. Asako Miyashita, RDN, a New York-based dietitian who grew up in Japan, told Women's Health that the phrase comes from a 300-year-old book by Japanese philosopher and botanist Ekiken Kaibara, "Yojokun: Life Lessons From A Samurai." The book is about listening to your body, and its author lived to 83, which was a remarkably long life at a time when the life expectancy in Japan was 50.

Fast forward to today, and the people of Okinawa, Japan, where hara hachi bu is a popular phrase, have some of the longest life expectancies on Earth. But can eating only until you're 80% full actually help you live longer?

It's possible. One reason may be calorie restriction. According to longevity researcher Dan Buettner, Okinawans eat about 1,900 calories per day on average. Compare that to Americans who eat over 3,500 calories per day on average. Caloric restriction has been shown to increase the lifespan of multiple animal species and has also been shown to slow the aging process in healthy human adults, so simply not pushing our caloric intake by filling our bellies all the way full may be something to consider if we're looking to live a long life.

Hara hachi bu encouraged mindful eating

Another benefit of the 80% full idea is that it forces you to be mindful about how your body's feeling while you're eating, which may contribute to better physical health. According to Harvard University, mindless or distracted eating—the opposite of mindful eating—is associated with anxiety, overeating, and weight gain.

"Hara hachi bu is not a diet, but a lifestyle that can help promote a sustainable approach to eating," dietician Kouka Webb, RN, told Women's Health. "It encourages mindful eating and portion control without the need for strict calorie counting or eliminating certain food groups."

family eating dinner in JapanA family eats dinner in Japan.Photo credit: Canva

Harvard shares that a literature review of 68 intervention and observational studies found that mindfulness and mindful eating slowed down the pace of people's eating and improved people's recognition of when they were full. Mindful eating also reduced binge eating and emotional eating.

Overeating can lead to weight gain, of course, but it can also disrupt your hunger regulation, increase your risk for certain types of disease, cause stomach issues like nausea, gas and bloating, and can even impair your brain function. If you stop eating when you're 80% full means you're far less likely to overeat.

But does that mean you're always left 20% hungry? Not necessarily. According to the Cleveland Clinic, it takes up to 30 minutes for your brain to actually process that your stomach is full, so if you stop when you feel 80% full, you'll most likely feel 100% full just a short while later.

Eat until you're not hungry, not until you're full

“There’s a huge gap between being physically satisfied and realizing in your mind that you’re full,” psychologist Susan Albers, PsyD. tells the Cleveland Clinic. “The connection between them is more like old-school dialup speed than instantaneous WiFi.”

Eating to 80% full is probably closer to the "eat until you're no longer hungry" advice that she gives her patients to feel satiated without actually feeling "full."

“When we think about the word ‘full,’ it’s often like filling up a cup or occupying every inch of a space,” Dr. Albers says. “But the fullness that we can feel and perceive in our stomachs is often being overly full. ‘Satiated’ is different, though. Satiated is meeting a need.”

As Buettner writes, "There is a significant calorie gap between when an American says, ‘I’m full’ and an Okinawan says, ‘I’m no longer hungry.’"

Of course, the traditional Japanese diet also tends to be quite healthy in terms of what they eat, but mindful eating, paying attention to how your stomach feels and stopping before getting full, is worth applying no matter what cuisine you're eating. Next time you sit down for a meal, give hara hachi bu a try and see how you feel. It definitely can't hurt.

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Health

Yale psychologist says this simple mindset change can help you live 7.5 years longer

Aging is all in the mind.

via Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels

An older woman spending time with her daughter.

Folks with a positive attitude about getting older often say, “Age ain’t nothing but a number.” But according to Yale professor Becca Levy, the more accurate philosophy should be, “Age ain’t nothing but an attitude.”

According to Levy’s work, developing the correct attitude about aging can help increase our lifespans. The problem is that ageism is embedded deeply into Western culture. For example, what’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of an older person? The most common answer in the U.S. is “memory loss.” However, in China, it’s “wisdom.”

The average life expectancy in China is 78.2 years, compared to 77.5 in the U.S. Japan has one of the highest life expectancies in the world, at 85.2 years, and a lot of that has to do with the country's attitudes towards aging.

“[Levy] noticed that in Japan, old age is treated as a time to enjoy rather than to fear," a Yale School of Public Health article examining her career said. “The Japanese don't make a lot of fuss about menopause, for example, treating it as a valued phase of life, unlike in the U.S. where it is sometimes treated like a midlife affliction,” Levy said. “As a result, older Japanese women are less likely to experience hot flashes and other symptoms of menopause than women of the same age in the U.S."

via Tristan Le/Pexels

How does a positive attitude affect longevity?

Levy’s research led to a landmark 23-year study in which she and her team found that those with a positive view about aging live an average of 7.5 years longer than those without.

The study looked at responses that 660 older people in a small town in Ohio gave to a survey about their attitudes toward aging. It found that those with positive attitudes toward aging had a greater lust for life, positively affecting their longevity. It also found that when people encounter negative stereotypes associated with aging, they have an adverse cardiovascular response to stress.

"Our study carries two messages. The discouraging one is that negative self-perceptions can diminish life expectancy; the encouraging one is that positive self-perceptions can prolong life expectancy," say the authors.

via Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels

How to have a positive attitude about aging

Eric Kim, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia and Hannah Giasson from the University of Michigan’s Department of Psychology shared four ways people can improve their attitudes towards aging with the American Heart Association.

1. Maintain a sense of purpose

"People's purposes can be quite different," Kim said. If your family is a high priority, find ways to help out your loved ones. If you're passionate about the environment, find an organization that allows you to give back. “Volunteer work is a great way to [have a sense of purpose]," he said.

2. Reject negative messages about aging

"Develop an awareness of these messages," Giasson suggests. “Understand how they influence us." Rejecting negative ideas about aging, such as the idea that disease is inevitable, gives us more reason to care for our health and feel we have control over our future.

via Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels

3. Stay socially active

People may lose loved ones as they age and social isolation is a big problem. Loneliness increases the risks of heart attacks, strokes, depression and low self-esteem. However, positive social connections can have a positive effect on health.

4. Try something new

People often stop doing activities they enjoyed when they were younger because they lack the physical ability. "Don't fall into the mindset that it's too late to try something new," Giasson said. “It's never too late, and you're never too old to explore new interests."


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Joy

‘I feel good, so why stop?’ 91-year-old opens up a new barber shop.

Staying active is the key to a long life.

via Google

Bob Rohloff gives a haircut at his new barber shop.

The old saying goes, "Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life," and it’s true. When you love what you do, a job isn’t work at all. It can be as enjoyable as your favorite hobby while making money at the same time.

Loving what you do is also great for your health. Studies show that people who love their work live longer, and those who are constantly stressed at their jobs have a significantly higher risk of heart disease.

Bob Rohloff is a beautiful example of the benefits of having a job you love. At 91, he opened a new business, Bob’s Old Fashioned Barbershop, in Hortonville, Wisconsin.

Rohloff started cutting hair in 1948, and 60 years later, he retired with his wife, Marian, in Arizona, but it didn’t last long. After a few months, he “unretired” and went back to cutting hair. In 2010, the couple moved back to Wisconsin, and Rohloff cut hair at the Hortonville Family Barbershop.

“Retirement isn’t that easy,” Rohloff told CNBC. “You need to stay active in something, whether it’s a hobby or a job, and I happened to enjoy my job very much … it’s fun coming into the shop; I like to do it, and I feel good, so why stop?”

Rohloff estimates he’s given over 100,000 haircuts in his life.

Fate intervened when 55-year-old Mark Karweick, who had recently returned to Wisconsin from Michigan, was introduced to Rohloff. After talking to each other for 90 minutes, they decided to open up a shop together.

The team’s new shop is a throwback to an old-school barbershop, complete with a 100-year-old chair that Rohloff jokes is the only thing in the palace older than him. “There aren’t that many old-fashioned shops left in the country, and we’re gonna try and keep it that way,” Rohloff told Spectrum News. The shop also boasts furniture relocated from an old barber shop in Michigan.

The prices are old-fashioned, too. A standard cut is just $14 and $12 for seniors.

Rohloff is a true believer in the idea that the key to good health and longevity is to keep doing what you love. “Sitting in a La-Z-Boy, that’s no way to live. Most people got their health issues, and they either give up, or they think they can’t do anything after a certain age, but they can,” Karweick said.

There’s a lot of truth to Rohloff’s philosophy. Colin Milner, founder and CEO of the International Council on Active Aging, tells Fortune that following the principles of Active Aging can extend longevity and quality of life.

“Physical activity is just one of the many elements that makes up a person,” Milner says. “It’s just as important that we are socially connected and that we are intellectually active.” The keys to being an “active ager” are to stay positive, socially connected, involved with community groups, curious and calm. It’s also important to eat right and stay away from tobacco.

When asked about his advice for living a long, happy life, Rohloff believes in the importance of being active as well. “Don’t quit. I don’t think you will enjoy yourselves. Stay active in something, whether it’s a hobby or a job, but you got to stay active,” Rohloff said.

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