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Justine Bateman bristled when her name autocompleted with 'looks old.' Then she embraced it.

"I find it wrong that women absorb the idea that faces need to be fixed. That it's being treated as a matter of fact."

justine bateman, hollywood, aging, getting older, beauty standards
Photos by Greg2600/Wikimedia Commons

Justine Bateman is rejecting the beauty standards set by Hollywood.

Aging is a weird thing. We all get older—we truly have no choice in the matter. It's literally how time and living things work. But boy, do we make the process all kinds of complicated. The anti-aging market has created a 58.5 billion-dollar industry, with human beings spending their whole lives getting older spending buttloads of money to pretend like it's not happening.

I'm one of those human beings, by the way, so no judgment here. When I find a product that makes me look as young as I feel, I get pretty giddy. But there's no doubt that our views on aging—and by extension, our perspectives on our own aging bodies—are influenced by popular culture. As we see celebrities in the spotlight who seem to be ageless, we enviously tag them with the hashtag #aginggoals.

meryl streep, aging, getting older, anti-aging, bauty Women are conditioned to fear aging. Giphy

The goal is to "age well," which ultimately means looking like we're not aging at all. And so we break out the creams and the serums and the microdermabrasion and the injections—even the scalpel, in some cases—to keep the wrinkles, crinkles, bags, and sags at bay.

There's a big, blurry line between having a healthy skincare routine and demonizing normal signs of aging, and we each decide where our own line gets drawn.

This is where Justine Bateman comes in.

The actress/filmmaker was born in 1966 and is turning the idea of #aginggoals on its head by simply, boldly embracing her face as it is. No apologies. No avoidance. Just a simple message of "Yeah, this is my face."

Bateman hasn't always had such radical self-acceptance. After Googling herself during the writing of her first book, Fame: The Hijacking of Reality, she saw that the autocomplete after her name read "looks old." So she looked at the photos people were sharing of her 40-something-year-old face as "evidence."

"I thought my face looked fine," she told PEOPLE. "Because of some of the fears I had, unrelated to my face, I decided to make them right and me wrong....I became really ashamed of my face, ridiculously so."

aging, anti-aging, botox, plastic surgery, beauty standards Beauty standards have women going to all lengths to remain young-looking.Photo credit: Canva

"I looked the same the day before as I did the day after," she said, "and yet I felt totally different about my face...The only difference was that I had read the criticism."

That experience led her to explore how society views women and aging, a topic she explores in her book Face: One Square Foot of Skin. It also led to her truly embrace her face in all its aging glory.

Instead of fighting the aging process like many of us do, she decided to fight the fear attached to it.

"I hated the idea that half the population was perhaps spending the entire second half of their lives ashamed and apologetic that their faces had aged naturally," Bateman writes in her book.

She also shared with PEOPLE how she feels about society painting the physical signs of aging as inherently negative.

"I find it wrong that women absorb the idea that faces need to be fixed," she said. "That it's being treated as a matter of fact. I feel that we've skipped over the phase where we talk about whether or not we should criticize women's faces as they get older."

"I think getting all this plastic surgery is just people pleasing," she continued. "You don't want people to criticize you anymore so you appease them. The more you do that, the further away you get away from your true self. It doesn't work for me. If somebody said to me now we could do some surgery, wouldn't I be signaling that I'm super insecure? To me, it would."

In her book, Bateman describes what people are really seeing when they look at her face in its aging glory:

"You're looking at f***ing determination and truth and creativity. You're looking at loss and sorrow and the effort for a deeper perspective. You're looking at satisfaction and happiness. You're looking at a manifestation of a connection so deep and rooted that it's more real than I am. You're looking at my face."

YES. What a refreshing perspective to add to the conversation surrounding beauty and aging. It's odd that seeing a woman simply accept the lines in her face is inspiring, but it really is.

Perhaps we should recalibrate #aginggoals to be more about how we feel than how we look. After all, if anyone is "aging well," it's the woman who feels—as Bateman told Vanity Fair—"empowered to walk out in the world with an attitude that says, 'Fuck you, I look great.'"

Right on, Justine Bateman. Thanks for helping us embrace our faces just as they are.

This article originally appeared four years ago.

Partner Boost

5 ways people are going "all in" this week

From the silly to the sentimental, here are five ways people on the internet have been giving it their all.

5 ways people are going "all in" this week
5 ways people are going "all in" this week
True

Going “all in” is its own kind of magic. Whether it’s a wildly energetic karaoke performance, a full-blown birthday bash for an elderly Chihuahua, or an over-the-top homecoming proposal (more on that in a moment), there’s something undeniably joyful about witnessing pure, unfiltered enthusiasm. Seeing that kind of passion and creativity, you can’t help but smile.

To celebrate that all-or-nothing spirit, we’ve rounded up some of the internet’s finest examples (at least for this week) of people fully committing to the bit. Prepare to be impressed, amazed, and maybe even a little inspired to go “all in” yourself.

1. This high school biology project

@jimcheo jordin sparks said it best #funny #funnyvideos ♬ No Air (feat. Chris Brown) - Jordin Sparks

Oh, to be in high school again. The days where you could be as silly as you wanted and still somehow get an A (for effort). This student-made video—a project for biology class, explaining the respiratory system—is the perfect example of a high school assignment, as well as a great example of someone truly going “all in.” Does this explain the respiratory system? Kind of! But is it full of creativity, passion, and genuine hilarity? Absolutely. The dedication it took to make this video alone—and the enthusiasm of the kids that made it—certainly deserves an A.

2. The Grandma Stand

One thing that’s great to go “all in” on is spreading cheer and joy—and that’s what our friends are doing this week with The Grandma Stand.

The premise is simple: You’ve got a grandma at a booth who gets people talking about the good stuff in their lives. Today’s question? What’s one small thing that brings you joy? The answers are sweet and thoughtful, and the result is a whole lot of goodwill (and hugs!) between total strangers. That’s always lovely to see.

Another thing we like to go “all in” on? Saving money. And right now our friends at All In are giving us a fantastic deal on some seriously tasty snacks. To get a free (!!!) box of their organic snack bars, sign up with your phone number on Aisle, grab two boxes of All In bars at Sprouts, snap a pic of your receipt, and text it through Aisle. They’ll Venmo or PayPal you back for the cost of one box, and then all you have left to do is enjoy your new favorite treat. Easy peasy.

3. This extremely specific HOCO proposal 

@dawson002256 best hoco proposal ever #fyp #hoco #viral #proposal ♬ original sound - .

Speaking of high school: Gone are the days where you can simply walk up to someone in the hallway and ask them to be your date to homecoming or prom. Kids these days are starting their own tradition—elaborate staged “proposals” in order to officially pop the question: Will you go to the dance with me?

Homecoming proposals are a perfect example of going “all in,” just by themselves—but this particular one is truly special. The creator shares that she loves sharks and is afraid of butterflies, so for a truly unique and heartfelt “proposal,” her potential date actually dresses up like a shark and stages a massive fight with his friends—all dressed in butterfly costumes—on her front lawn. The commitment, the creativity—it’s all here, on full display. (And she said yes, by the way!)

4. The Anthropologie rock prank 

@phoebeadams112

His full on crash out at the end HAHA

♬ original sound - Phoebe Adams

The internet has been obsessed with this viral prank, and it’s not hard to see why: Not only is it hilarious, the women who are doing the pranking are truly committing to the bit.

The prank started with one content creator, Phoebe Adams, who posted a TikTok of her unboxing a package in front of her boyfriend, Dan. Adams, bursting with excitement, pries open the box to reveal…a rock. But this isn’t any ordinary rock, she explains, gushing over how “perfect” it is. This particular rock is one-of-a-kind, from the bougie retail chain Anthropologie—and it only cost $150. It was on sale!

Dan, rightfully, is horrified and confused. But Adams keeps on torturing him: “This isn’t a regular rock! It’s a one-of-a-kind rock they found on the ground.” (“That’s where rocks COME FROM!” --Dan)

The best part is that this prank quickly went viral, and other creators are following in Adams’ footsteps. Husbands and dads everywhere are confused. It's mayhem. And probably the funniest thing that's happened on the internet this year.

(Even Anthropologie (the brand) has gotten in on the fun. That’s true commitment.)

5. The most elaborate (and fun) wedding entrance we've ever seen 

@benaholtzman Nothing says ‘forever’ like forcing your friends to learn the dance from Miss Congeniality 💍✨ #oneinamillion #weddingtok #weddingentrance #misscongeniality ♬ original sound - Ben Holtzman

We’ve all seen the movie Miss Congeniality, right? For those of you who weren’t teenage girls growing up in the early aughts, allow us to break it down: Sandra Bullock plays Grace Hart, a frazzled special agent working for the FBI. After an extensive makeover (because every movie from the late nineties and early aughts loved a good makeover montage), Gracie enters the Miss America Pageant undercover as Gracie Lou Freebush to prevent an act of terrorism that’s been threatened to go down during the competition. Long story short, it’s a feel-good classic with some of the most memorable movie lines in cinema. (“What is your idea of a perfect date?” “I’d have to say April 25th, because it’s not too hot, not too cold—all you need is a light jacket!”)

In the movie, the contestants all enter the stage to introduce themselves to the audience in a choreographed number to the song “One in a Million”—and so that’s exactly what these two grooms (presumably huge fans of the movie) have done for their wedding entrance. The choreographed sequence involves the grooms and their wedding party (and maybe even some of the guests), and they all truly give an unforgettable performance. Whether you’re a fan of this movie or you’ve never seen it, this wedding entrance really is one in a million.

Canva Photos

A viral TikTok argues that women don't want to give up the joy of their own personal peace and freedom for anyone.

There's been a lot of discourse on the state of modern dating and a lot of theories on why it seems harder than ever for people to find connection with romantic partners. Could it be that the achievement and education gaps between men and women are altering the dynamics? Have social media and dating apps broken our brains and hearts? Do we all have unrealistic expectations and unlimited options, leading to never feeling satisfied with anything or anyone?

Those are all intriguing options, but an alternate theory has recently arisen that's quickly gaining steam: Maybe being single isn't as lonely as we think. Maybe being single is actually freaking awesome.

A guy on TikTok who goes by Get To the Point Bro shared a hilarious monologue on why women who have been single for a long time "don't want to date anymore." Women say he absolutely nailed it.

the office, andy bernard, dating, relationships, dating advice, single, romance, love The Frenchman's monologue was absolutely spot on Giphy

At first, it might seem like he's poking fun, either at single women or at the men who can't seem to win them over. But not so! What he's done is perfectly captured the joy many people find in being single and, frankly, able to do whatever the hell they want.

"Some women have been single for so long they don't date anymore, they grant you access to their peaceful little empire like a reluctant queen handing you a visitor's badge," he says. "You text her good morning and she's already annoyed, like 'Why are you disturbing the sacred silence of my personal growth journey?'"

He goes on, "Bro she's been sleeping diagonally in her bed for three years, she's not giving up that territory because you opened the door and paid for coffee."

"You plan a cute date, she's thinking 'That sounds nice but also I could stay home, deep clean my apartment, do a 12 steps skincare routine, order sushi and not have to listen to a man breathe.'"

"You try to check in emotionally, 'How are you feeling?' She's feeling fantastic because you're not here."

"You're not competing with other guys. There are no other guys. You're competing with her weighted blanket, her peace, her cat named Chairman Meow, and the simple joy of not having to share her fries."

These are just a few of the best lines from the nearly 2-minute rant, all delivered in the most amazing French accent you can imagine. Please, enjoy:


@gettothepointbro

DATING A GIRL WHO IS USED TO BE ALONE CAN BE VERY HARD .

The best thing about the video is the discussion in the comments. Women want to know how this man got access to this top-secret information. The rant is so eerily, frighteningly accurate that women are convinced this French guy is living in their heads. That, or someone's secretly leaking intel.

"dammit. somebody call a meeting of the council. he knows too much."

"I dont often offer this compliment to the male species but you explained it better than I ever could."

"Alright, who’s told him this info??? So exposed right now"

"The joy of sleeping diagonally across my bed cannot be fully explained."

"This is the most accurate profiling I’ve ever heard. You absolutely ailed it."

Clearly, we've tapped into a real phenomenon here.

@gettothepointbro

CAN YOU RELATE LADIES ? THAT’S WHY WE LOVE YOU ❤️

The truth is that many people—both men and women—are disillusioned with the sad state of the dating scene these days. App burnout is a real thing, and meeting new people in real life is a ton of work. So, it's no surprise that more and more people are just choosing to stay single and enjoy all the perks that come along with it. This is a stark change, especially for women.

According to FiveThirtyEight, "Women were also more likely than men to say that they weren’t dating because they have other priorities right now." Priorities like travel, career, friendship, and even just self-care—all things that wind up taking a backseat when people get involved in relationships. It wasn't too long ago that women of a certain age that were still single were called "spinsters," but that word has lost a significant amount of power. This new generation of women aren't embarrassed or ashamed to be single; they're loving it for exactly all the reasons this video describes.

This article originally appeared in April.

Pop Culture

A gym owner said women need to 'cover up.' This personal trainer's response is scorched earth.

"Men are still saying it's our fault they don't know where to look. Sorry, that's a you problem."

@nathalielennon/TikTok

Can the gym please just be a safe space?

Back in April, Irish gym owner Paul Byrne came under fire for accusing women (technically, he said “young girls,” making it all the more creepy) of being too scantily clad for the gym, saying they should stop wearing what he called “workout bikinis” because they're distracting and intimidating for men. He was even so bold as to say their behavior was “narcissistic.”

Unsurprisingly, this didn’t sit well with many women. Pretty soon, it was on trend for women to film themselves working out in their so-called “workout bikinis.”

It became glaringly apparent that these scandalous outfits, while form-fitting and flattering (how dare they!), were certainly not what Byrne hyperbolically described.

@madisonraehildreth he’ll be clutching his pearls when he sees what our actual bikinis look like
♬ original sound - Newstalk

What constitutes proper gym attire for women isn’t exactly a new debate. Still, personal trainer Nathalie Lennon brings a whole new layer of nuance to the conversation, particularly how it relates to female autonomy and their own personal relationship to their bodies.

“For years, women were told to be skinny, and now we’re embracing strength and muscle, and we’re being shamed again,” she said, also calling out how “outdated” and “problematic” it is to blame a woman for someone else’s distraction.”

“It’s an issue on them if they can't manage their distractions. It’s not our responsibility to fix it with regards to what we wear.”

Lennon also highlighted the obvious double standard that exists, as men are often able to wear whatever they want to the gym without being scrutinized for it.

“[Men] taking off their tops in the middle of a workout to check out their muscle definition. Why aren’t they getting scrutinized the same way? I'm sure that can be intimidating for some people who are new to the gym, too.”

She even called out Byrne for apparently posting (since-deleted) pictures of himself from bodybuilding competitions in “incredible shape” but sporting "tighty-whities.”

@nathalielennon Just sharing my opinion. I’m shocked still… 😑 #womenempowerment @Newstalk ♬ original sound - Nathalie Lennon

“That’s fine! All the power to you! But for you to be one of the men…to make this comment about young women who are trying to defy what we have been told for years about being skinny, who are going into the gym to finally embrace strength, and muscle mass, and train in a way that’s gonna support them for the rest of their lives…I don’t have the words…”

Women, of course, are not only accused of dressing “for attention” in the workout room, but, as Lennon noted, it feels especially frustrating, and downright disheartening, for it to occur in a place that should be for introspection and “self improvement.” Women haven’t even had this type of public space available to them for long, unless you count the nonsensical “reducing salons” of the 1940’s…and even those weren’t co-ed!

Being a place of self-improvement, Lennon argued that women should be allowed to wear whatever clothes make them feel confident and train properly. And given that so many huge brands have done “endless research” on how to make that happen for women, maybe it shouldn’t be up to male opinion.

Bringing it all home, Lennon didn't mince words as she said, “The gym is a shared space means mutual respect. Not control.”

And that pretty much sums it all up, doesn't it? Women should be able to choose whether they want to work out in form-fitting sports attire or loose, baggy sweatpants. The key word there being choose.

Now, let's move on to the actually controversial gym etiquette debate: cellphones.

A group of friends having a chat.

You might be shocked to learn that many people don’t like making small talk. Surprise, right? They either believe it’s beneath them to talk about mundane subjects or don’t see the benefit of discussing the weather, sports, or television with people they hardly know.

However, these folks are missing a very valuable form of interaction that can help them with their love lives, friendships, and careers. They also remove themselves from situations where they can elevate small talk to something more valuable and meaningful.

Jefferson Fisher, a Texas personal injury attorney and communications expert, has become massively popular on Instagram—with nearly 6 million followers—for sharing tips “to help people argue less and talk more.” While promoting his new book, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More, Fisher discussed the number one problem people have while making small talk.

What's the biggest mistake people make during small talk?

"They unknowingly turn the conversation back to themselves too quickly," Fisher tells Parade. "It’s a natural impulse—we want to relate, to show we understand. But what often happens is that we hijack the conversation."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"For example, someone says, 'I just got back from a trip to Italy,' and instead of asking about their experience, we jump in with, 'Oh, I’ve been to Italy several times, it’s great.' It’s well-meaning, but it can come across as dismissive,” Fisher said. “Instead, focus on them. Ask open-ended questions like, 'That’s wonderful, what was your favorite part?' Small talk isn’t about impressing people, it’s about making them feel seen and heard."

Fisher’s advice echoes that of the great Dale Carnegie, author of the 1936 classic How to Win Friends and Influence People. In the book, Carnegie says, “To be interesting, be interested.” Carnegie’s advice is counterintuitive because we are taught to believe that being likable means dominating conversations and entertaining the other person. However, Carnegie thinks that people who are generous listeners tend to make a better first impression.

How to be more likable

Researchers at Harvard University found that when you ask someone a question, people will like you more if, after they answer, you ask them two more follow-up questions. So, if you ask, “Where did you go last summer?” And they reply, Italy, you can follow that up with two questions about their favorite city and the restaurant they’ll never forget. Then, you can tell them that you’ve been there, too.

“We identify a robust and consistent relationship between question-asking and liking,” the study's authors write. “People who ask more questions, particularly follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners.”

conversation, small talk, chatting, discussion, communication Two people have a conversation. Credit: Fauxels/Pexel

People will take a shine to you after you ask a few questions because it shows that you are listening and interested in what they say. “Follow-up questions are an easy and effective way to keep the conversation going and show that the asker has paid attention to what their partner has said,” the researchers write.

While at first, it may take a little practice to ask follow-up questions instead of turning the conversation to your experiences and opinions, it should take some pressure off the need to be interesting. Now, instead of trying to wow people with your stories, all you have to do is listen to theirs, and they’ll like you all the more for it.

This article originally appeared in May. It has been updated.

Joy

Woman crushed to be born on 'the worst day ever' gets help planning a wonderful birthday

She decided to turn her "horrible" birthday into something special this year.

via Canva

A woman who is sad and alone on her birthday.

It 's inarguably terrible when the day that is supposed to be the best one of the year ends up a total disappointment. What’s worse is realizing that next year, and all the years after, may be just as big a letdown. A TikToker who posts videos about her travel adventures shared a video about how she believes she has had one of the worst birthdays, and this year, she wants to make a change.

"I am born on one of, if not the worst, day of the year," she said. "I genuinely believe there are probably only one or two other dates to have a birthday that are worse than mine. My birthday is the third of January." The woman used to enjoy having a birthday right after New Year’s when she was a child because she and her friends had the time off from school. "But as I've got older, I've realized it's just horrible,” she said. She juxtaposed her birthday with her boyfriend's, who was born on August 1st, a great time to have a party or see the world.

Why is it bad to have a January 3rd birthday?

"But for my birthday, nobody wants to do anything. Everyone's going back to work or school the next day," she continued. "Nobody has any money. Everyone's on Dry January, Veganuary, or just simply on a diet. It just means that nobody wants to celebrate with me."


@sightseeingsantisooks

I need your help!! #wheretogo #helpme #holidaytiktok #traveleurope #traveltok

"I just never really seem to have an amazing day," she said before announcing that this year was going to be different. She wants to take a trip to Europe for a few days to make the best of her special day. However, she's not sure where in Europe to go that won’t be too cold or suffer from post-holiday burnout. She was considering Prague in the Czech Republic, but wasn’t entirely sure. So, she asked her fellow TikTokers for some advice.

prague, czech republic, europe, european travel destinations, european history, Prague in the Czech Republicvia Pixabay

Where's a nice place to travel in Europe in January?

“I went to Baden-Baden in Germany two years ago. They have a big Russian population so the Christmas Market goes to their Christmas (January 7th??) Also, you can soak in the baths there,” Calsacienne suggested. “Copenhagen is cold but cosy during winter, all the restaurants have candles and blankets in the evening and lots of things to see and do,” Rosie added.

“Go to Iceland, see the northern lights swim in the blue lagoon, see the black sands beach, it’s beautiful there,” Raabitsarefun21 said. “Prague is always beautiful to visit, an absolutely stunning city! Alternatively, I'd suggest Budapest, also a gem. And, at the start of January, the Christmas decorations are usually still up,” Lexia.Lea added.

iceland, iceland mountain, iceland landscape, iceland tourism, travel to iceland A mountian in Iceland.via Pixabay

While it's lamentable that the woman was born on such a terrible day to hang out with friends or get out and see the world, you’ve got to hand it to her for living with a bad situation for years and finally striking out to do something about it. January 3rd may not be the most opportune time to travel around Europe, but it’s much better than hanging around the house and wishing you were born on another day.

Image courtesy Douglas County Sheriff's Office

Brakes Plus Highlands Ranch raises funds to buy new bike for young girl that had her bike stolen nearby their store.

There are good people in the world. And a young girl in Colorado who had her bike stolen was blessed with an act of kindness and empathy that proves it.

After she parked her bike in front of a local PetSmart store in Highlands Ranch, Colorado, (located between Denver and Colorado Springs) to pick up some items for her dog, she returned to find it missing. That's when Douglas County Sheriff's Office Community Safety Volunteer Stephanie Trotter asked the nearby Brakes Plus Highlands Ranch store if they could provide any video footage they had to help find the perpetrator.

Manager Kevin O’Sullivan promptly reached out to Brakes Plus corporate for video from the store's cameras. Unfortunately, the videos came back with no leads.

The seeming dead end didn't sit well with O’Sullivan. "We were bummed, we wanted to do something. I went home that night and was talking about it with my girlfriend, Lori," he tells Upworthy. "That's when she suggested that we start a collection to help raise enough money to buy her a brand new bike and bike lock. We saw somebody that could use some good faith."

The next day, he went into the store and shared his idea with his team of technicians and salesman—and they were enthusiastically in. Word spread, and a few neighboring shops also chipped in. O'Sullivan reached back out to Ms. Trotter, and asked if he could be put in touch with the young girl's dad to share the news with her.

The Brakes Plus team spent a week raising cash for her, with everyone donating $20 or more. Then they got to present her with a thoughtful card with the funds inside.

brakes plus, Brakes Plus Highlands Ranch, act of kindness, good news, positive news Brakes Plus Highlands Ranch raises funds to buy new bike for young girl that had her bike stolen nearby their store.Image courtesy Douglas County Sheriff's Office

"She looked stunned," says O'Sullivan. "It's a good feeling, seeing her smile and light up after hearing how much she missed her bike and loved riding it."

It's a full-circle moment for O'Sullivan, who could empathize with the young girl. "When I was 14, I worked at a supermarket three miles up the road from my home. One night I came out of work and my bike was stolen," he said. "At that age, your bike is your most prized possession. And a couple guys on the team also experienced the same thing growing up. "We wanted to show her that everybody is not evil."

Unfortunately, bike theft is a significant problem in Colorado. "Denver and the state of Colorado in general ranks among the top states for bike theft per capita, with high average values for stolen bikes," says Ray Ecke, President of Right Word Media, Inc. "To address this, bike owners in Denver are encouraged to register their bicycles with the Denver Police Department's 529 Garage program."

As for O'Sullivan and his team, he hopes that others will take the same kind of action in their communities. "It was a pay-it-forward kind of thing. And maybe at some point in her life, she will remember this and do the same for someone else," he says.