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Joy

People reveal the pivotal moments that restored their faith in humanity

We need to hear these kinds of stories.

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Photo by Diego PH on Unsplash

We all need reminders of the beauty of humanity.

Looking around at the current state of affairs in the world can quickly lead to feelings of sadness or despair, especially when news media primarily focuses on the worst of humanity.

While we can't pretend that the serious problems we face don't exist, we also need to balance our perspective with reminders that people are more good than not, and that human atrocity is the exception, not the rule. We have countless examples of human beings being wonderful to one another in ways large and small, but those stories rarely make the headlines.

Part of our mission at Upworthy is to show that people are a force for good, and what better way to do that than to share people's stories of kindness, hope and faith in one another?

For all of its pitfalls, social media can be a great place to find those kinds of real-life stories, so we asked our Instagram audience to share a moment that restored their faith in humanity and people generously delivered. Here are some responses that might just restore your faith in humanity as well.

"Stuck in Thailand during the 2006 coup with my wife and our two-year-old in a carrying backpack, airline would not accept credit card to purchase last flight out of the country, ATMs were not working to get cash, after 30 minutes a random Indian man and his family stepped forward and handed us an envelope full of all the cash we needed to purchase two airline tickets from Thailand to Singapore. He did not want or expect a payback (we eventually did)." – joshinsd

"We awoke to a 5.7 earthquake in 2020 in our old historic Victorian home. The earthquake blew out our foundation. Everyone on our street was affected. My husband and I had retired. We ended up rebuilding which took almost two years with Covid and supply chain issues. Two houses down we have a lovely family with two young boys. They came up with an idea on their own to empty out their savings and insisted in giving it to us to help us. While we did not need the money, it was the gesture of sacrificing their hard earned money at such a young age, 8 and 10 that touched us deeply. With young people in our world with hearts such as this, we will see great things happening." – gmholm

"My boy wanted to play with a stick that an older girl had. She was so kind & gave him the stick. He took it, then went back to her, broke it half, & gave her half. I watched it all from the side & held back tears. Look to the children - they will show you pure kindness 🤍" – ripottsy

"I recently took my daycare littles on a library outing. One of my two year olds was looking for a Paw Patrol book. A sweet little girl (about 5 years old) overhead and dug into her book bag and gave it to the two year old. In return he offered her one of his books❤️. Such a simple, yet meaningful, act of such pure sweet innocence!" – richelleamyd

"I was wrangling my kids into their car seats for a trip to the grocery store one day. I put my wallet on the bumper of my car as I was walking from one side of my car so the other trying to get them buckled. I got in my car and left my house, totally forgetting to grab my wallet. I realized my mistake when I got to the grocery store. I retraced my route, but had no luck finding my wallet. It had cash, credit cards, gift cards, and my family’s social security cards. I basically kept all my important things in there (it was a big zip up day planner kind of wallet). I went home and just cried and cried. I was on the computer trying to figure out how to order replacement social security cards when there was a knock on my door. A very sweet man who didn’t speak English very well was standing there with my wallet. I immediately embraced him and said, “oh THANK YOU!” He was a bit taken aback and said, “oh…you sad?” I will forever be grateful that that man took time out of his day to do the honest thing. It would have been so easy for him to either ignore my wallet, or take it. I try to remember him when I see an opportunity to be honest." – julieletner

"My grandma passed, and at her funeral, I was telling a friend of hers how hard it would be to return to her home after her interment. For as long as I could remember, Grandma had waited on the front porch for me whenever I came to visit. Later that afternoon, when we did return to Grandma’s, her friend was standing on the porch waiting, just as Grandma always had. 'I didn’t want you to have to return to an empty porch after laying her to rest,' he kindly explained. His thoughtful gesture makes me tear up whenever I remember it. – lynnecook77

"I had just lost my little sister to suicide. i was in deep grief and had not eaten for a few days. i was craving a burger so i went to The Counter. sat there. cried the entire time and tried to get that burger down. apparently Two men in UPS uniforms were on their lunch break and when i asked for the bill. my server told me that those ups guys bought my lunch. i never even saw them there. it was the first time i didn’t feel completely alone during the darkest days of my grief. 💕" – clarkaosb

"I was 20+, sitting in a church and crying very hard. A very elderly woman came up, sat next to me, said it was going to be ok. She just sat there holding my hand, in silence. I could see her looking at me and well up. A moment full of love, tolerance and empathy for a total stranger. It changed me." – atirufo

"We had pizza delivered once and my 3 year old son wanted to give the delivery guy the tip. He handed it to the guy and he asked if he had a piggy bank and then he gave my son a $1 back to put in his bank ❤️" – kgwhit_

"I was sitting with my friend at Balboa Park and one of the vendors just walked over and handed us each a large slice of watermelon. It was a hot day and it was just so generous and kind." – lorimitchellart

"A man stopped his car in the middle of a very busy intersection, to get out and help a family of geese get across the street. It was a sight that my description does no justice." – christollbertson

"A few years ago I was at the vet’s office with my dog. I overheard a guy telling the vet that he couldn’t afford his dog’s surgery. The vet told him that he was not going to let his dog die and that he would perform the surgery even if he couldn’t pay him back." – norms1111

"I work at a grocery store as a cashier and one time the food stamp card system was down in NYS. People were having issues all day and everybody was getting understandably frustrated. This man was trying to pay but of course it wasn’t working. I asked him if he had another way to pay and he said no. The lady behind him handed him some cash and told him not to worry about it. She bought a week’s worth of his groceries, no big fuss made about it. Almost made me cry on a very tricky day❤️ – paytonncotter

"When we lived in Iran, we would escape to a green city (no fly zone) when the war would get really active. During one of these times, we had to drive over the mountain in the snow and fog (dead of winter) and with my Mum sick with bronchitis. When we got to the other side, my father and uncle decided to rent a hotel so Mum could rest, but we were in a random town and didn’t know what was around. Eventually, around 2.30 am, we came across what looked like a motel and went inside.

"There was one man there. He gave us a dingy, tiny room to share, looked at my Mum a couple of times, then quietly told my father to take her to hospital (this is all relayed by my Mum. I remember bits and pieces only). My uncle and dad decided to take her while my three-year-old sister and I stayed back. Once they got to hospital, doctors pulled my mum aside and asked first if she had been abused or was in danger (because of how sick she was, they thought she might have been drugged or beaten and had internal bleeding), then once she confirmed she was safe, they took her inside and started treating her. While they were there, the man sat with my sister and me and told us to go to sleep. My sister fell asleep straight away, but I couldn’t, so he sat with me and reassured me everything would be okay. He asked about school, what my favourite subject was. Normal talk during scary times.

"I fell asleep at some point, and when I woke up, my father and uncle were bringing Mum back into the room. The motel owner made a pot of hot tea and brought bread, butter, jam and cheese for us to eat. For those who don’t know, most of us could only shop with vouchers and coupons during the war (rations), so this man was literally sharing his food with us during a time when food was scarce to begin with. Around 5.00 the next evening, we went to pay that man, and he put his hand to his heart and said he couldn’t accept our payment. No matter how much my family insisted, this man refused and said he was honoured to have helped us and to please be safe on our way to the green zone. I am an Atheist, but truly believe this man to be an angel on earth. Kindness is a currency you can never forget." – lucid_nomad

If you enjoyed these stories, you'll love Upworthy's upcoming book, "GOOD PEOPLE: Stories from the Best of Humanity," which includes 101 stories of human decency, kindness and compassion. Pre-order now on Amazon.

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GOOD PEOPLE: Stores From the Best of Humanity

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As a participant in the Amazon Associates affiliate program, Upworthy may earn proceeds from items purchased that are linked to this article, at no additional cost to you.

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Modern Families

Once a refugee seeking safety in the U.S., Anita Omary is using what she learned to help others thrive.

Even in divided times, small acts of friendship help create vibrant communities where everyone feels safe.

Once a refugee seeking safety in the U.S., Anita Omary is using what she learned to help others thrive.
Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends
Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends
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In March 2023, after months of preparation and paperwork, Anita Omary arrived in the United States from her native Afghanistan to build a better life. Once she arrived in Connecticut, however, the experience was anything but easy.

“When I first arrived, everything felt so strange—the weather, the environment, the people,” Omary recalled. Omary had not only left behind her extended family and friends in Afghanistan, she left her career managing child protective cases and supporting refugee communities behind as well. Even more challenging, Anita was five months pregnant at the time, and because her husband was unable to obtain a travel visa, she found herself having to navigate a new language, a different culture, and an unfamiliar country entirely on her own.

“I went through a period of deep disappointment and depression, where I wasn’t able to do much for myself,” Omary said.

Then something incredible happened: Omary met a woman who would become her close friend, offering support that would change her experience as a refugee—and ultimately the trajectory of her entire life.

Understanding the journey

Like Anita Omary, tens of thousands of people come to the United States each year seeking safety from war, political violence, religious persecution, and other threats. Yet escaping danger, unfortunately, is only the first challenge. Once here, immigrant and refugee families must deal with the loss of displacement, while at the same time facing language barriers, adapting to a new culture, and sometimes even facing social stigma and anti-immigrant biases.

Welcoming immigrant and refugee neighbors strengthens the nation and benefits everyone—and according to Anita Omary, small, simple acts of human kindness can make the greatest difference in helping them feel safe, valued, and truly at home.

A warm welcome

Dee and Omary's son, Osman

Anita Omary was receiving prenatal checkups at a woman’s health center in West Haven when she met Dee, a nurse.

“She immediately recognized that I was new, and that I was struggling,” Omary said. “From that moment on, she became my support system.”

Dee started checking in on Omary throughout her pregnancy, both inside the clinic and out.

“She would call me and ask am I okay, am I eating, am I healthy,” Omary said. “She helped me with things I didn’t even realize I needed, like getting an air conditioner for my small, hot room.”

Soon, Dee was helping Omary apply for jobs and taking her on driving lessons every weekend. With her help, Omary landed a job, passed her road test on the first attempt, and even enrolled at the University of New Haven to pursue her master’s degree. Dee and Omary became like family. After Omary’s son, Osman, was born, Dee spent five days in the hospital at her side, bringing her halal food and brushing her hair in the same way Omary’s mother used to. When Omary’s postpartum pain became too great for her to lift Osman’s car seat, Dee accompanied her to his doctor’s appointments and carried the baby for her.

“Her support truly changed my life,” Omary said. “Her motivation, compassion, and support gave me hope. It gave me a sense of stability and confidence. I didn’t feel alone, because of her.”

More than that, the experience gave Omary a new resolve to help other people.

“That experience has deeply shaped the way I give back,” she said. “I want to be that source of encouragement and support for others that my friend was for me.”

Extending the welcome

Omary and Dee at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Vision Awards ceremony at the University of New Haven.

Omary is now flourishing. She currently works as a career development specialist as she continues her Master’s degree. She also, as a member of the Refugee Storytellers Collective, helps advocate for refugee and immigrant families by connecting them with resources—and teaches local communities how to best welcome newcomers.

“Welcoming new families today has many challenges,” Omary said. “One major barrier is access to English classes. Many newcomers, especially those who have just arrived, often put their names on long wait lists and for months there are no available spots.” For women with children, the lack of available childcare makes attending English classes, or working outside the home, especially difficult.

Omary stresses that sometimes small, everyday acts of kindness can make the biggest difference to immigrant and refugee families.

“Welcome is not about big gestures, but about small, consistent acts of care that remind you that you belong,” Omary said. Receiving a compliment on her dress or her son from a stranger in the grocery store was incredibly uplifting during her early days as a newcomer, and Omary remembers how even the smallest gestures of kindness gave her hope that she could thrive and build a new life here.

“I built my new life, but I didn’t do it alone,” Omary said. “Community and kindness were my greatest strengths.”

Are you in? Click here to join the Refugee Advocacy Lab and sign the #WeWillWelcome pledge and complete one small act of welcome in your community. Together, with small, meaningful steps, we can build communities where everyone feels safe.

This article is part of Upworthy’s “The Threads Between U.S.” series that highlights what we have in common thanks to the generous support from the Levi Strauss Foundation, whose grantmaking is committed to creating a culture of belonging.

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Education

How to keep your mouth shut in conversations when you know you should really stay quiet

Most people never regret just staying silent.

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via Canva/Photos

A woman with her finger over her mouth.

It can be hard to stay quiet when you feel like you just have to speak your mind. But sometimes it's not a great idea to share your opinions on current events with your dad or tell your boss where they're wrong in a meeting. And having a bit of self-control during a fight with your spouse is a good way to avoid apologizing the next morning.

Further, when we fight the urge to talk when it's not necessary, we become better listeners and give others a moment in the spotlight to share their views. Building that small mental muscle to respond to events rather than react can make all the difference in social situations.

argument, coworkers, angry coworkers, hostile work enviornment, disagreement A woman is getting angry at her coworker.via Canva/Photos

What is the WAIT method?

One way people have honed the skill of holding back when they feel the burning urge to speak up is the WAIT method, an acronym for the question you should ask yourself in that moment: "Why Am I Talking?" Pausing to consider the question before you open your mouth can shift your focus from "being heard" to "adding value" to any conversation.

The Center for The Empowerment Dynamic has some questions we should consider after taking a WAIT moment:

  • What is my intention behind what I am about to say?
  • What question can I ask to better understand what the other person is saying?
  • Is my need to talk an attempt to divert the attention to me?
  • How might I become comfortable with silence rather than succumb to my urge to talk?

tape over muth, sielnce, be quiet, mouth shut, saying nothing A man with tape over his mouth.via Canva/Photos

The WAIT method is a good way to avoid talking too much. In work meetings, people who overtalk risk losing everyone's attention and diluting their point to the extent that others aren't quite sure what they were trying to say. Even worse, they can come across as attention hogs or know-it-alls. Often, the people who get to the heart of the matter succinctly are the ones who are noticed and respected.

Just because you're commanding the attention of the room doesn't mean you're doing yourself any favors or helping other people in the conversation.

The WAIT method is also a great way to give yourself a breather and let things sit for a moment during a heated, emotional discussion. It gives you a chance to cool down and rethink your goals for the conversation. It can also help you avoid saying something you regret.

fight, spuse disagreement, communications skills, upset husband, argument A husband is angry with his wife. via Canva/Photos

How much should I talk in a meeting?

So if it's a work situation, like a team meeting, you don't want to be completely silent. How often should you speak up?

Cary Pfeffer, a speaking coach and media trainer, shared an example of the appropriate amount of time to talk in a meeting with six people:

"I would suggest a good measure would be three contributions over an hour-long meeting from each non-leader participant. If anyone is talking five/six/seven times you are over-participating! Allow someone else to weigh in, even if that means an occasional awkward silence. Anything less seems like your voice is just not being represented, and anything over three contributions is too much."

Ultimately, the WAIT method is about taking a second to make sure you're not just talking to hear yourself speak. It helps ensure that you have a clear goal for participating in the conversation and that you're adding value for others. Knowing when and why to say something is the best way to make a positive contribution and avoid shooting yourself in the foot.

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Our favorite giveaway is back. Enter to win a free, fun date! 🌊 💗

It's super easy, no purchase or donation necessary, and you help our oceans! That's what we call a win-win-win. Enter here.

Our favorite giveaway is back. Enter to win a free, fun date! 🌊 💗
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Our love for the ocean runs deep. Does yours? Enter here!

This Valentine’s Day, we're bringing back our favorite giveaway with Ocean Wise. You have the chance to win the ultimate ocean-friendly date. Our recommendation? Celebrate love for all your people this Valentine's Day! Treat your mom friends to a relaxing spa trip, take your best friend to an incredible concert, or enjoy a beach adventure with your sibling! Whether you're savoring a romantic seafood dinner or enjoying a movie night in, your next date could be on us!

Here’s how to enter:

  • Go to upworthy.com/oceandate and complete the quick form for a chance to win - it’s as easy as that.
  • P.S. If you follow @oceanwise or donate after entering, you’ll get extra entries!

Here are the incredible dates:

1. Give mom some relaxation

She’s up before the sun and still going at bedtime. She’s the calendar keeper, the lunch packer, the one who remembers everything so no one else has to. Moms are always creating magic for us. This Valentine’s Day, we’re all in for her. Win an eco-friendly spa day near you, plus a stash of All In snack bars—because she deserves a treat that’s as real as she is. Good for her, kinder to the ocean. That’s the kind of love we can all get behind.


Special thanks to our friends at All In who are all in on helping moms!

2. Jump in the ocean, together

Grab your favorite person and get some much-needed ocean time. Did you know research on “blue spaces” suggests that being near water is linked with better mental health and well-being, including feeling calmer and less stressed? We’ll treat you to a beach adventure like a surfing or sailing class, plus ocean-friendly bags from GOT Bag and blankets from Sand Cloud so your day by the water feels good for you and a little gentler on the ocean too.

Special thanks to our friends at GOT Bag. They make saving the ocean look stylish and fun!

3. Couch potato time

Love nights in as much as you love a date night out? We’ve got you. Have friends over for a movie night or make it a cozy night in with your favorite person. You’ll get a Disney+ and Hulu subscription so you can watch Nat Geo ocean content, plus a curated list of ocean-friendly documentaries and a movie-night basket of snacks. Easy, comfy, and you’ll probably come out of it loving the ocean even more.

4. Dance all day!

Soak up the sun and catch a full weekend of live music at BeachLife Festival in Redondo Beach, May 1–3, 2026, featuring Duran Duran, The Offspring, James Taylor and His All-Star Band, The Chainsmokers, My Morning Jacket, Slightly Stoopid, and Sheryl Crow. The perfect date to bring your favorite person on!

We also love that BeachLife puts real energy into protecting the coastline it’s built on by spotlighting ocean and beach-focused nonprofit partners and hosting community events like beach cleanups.

Date includes two (2) three-day GA tickets. Does not include accommodation, travel, or flights.

5. Chef it up (at home)

Stay in and cook something delicious with someone you love. We’ll hook you up with sustainable seafood ingredients and some additional goodies for a dinner for two, so you can eat well and feel good knowing your meal supports healthier oceans and more responsible fishing.

Giveaway ends 2/15/26 at 11:59pm PT. Winners will be selected at random and contacted via email from the Upworthy. No purchase necessary. Open to residents of the U.S. and specific Canadian provinces that have reached age of majority in their state/province/territory of residence at the time. Please see terms and conditions for specific instructions. Giveaway not affiliated with Instagram. More details at upworthy.com/oceandate

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Neil deGrasse Tyson explains the impossible concept of 'nothing' in less than one minute

"Behold, a true nothing."

neil degrasse typson, astrophysicist, science, universe, science communicator
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Neil deGrasse Tyson at CSI Con 2022.

One of the greatest philosophical, scientific, and religious questions that humankind has ever asked is: Why is there something instead of nothing? Why do we have a universe, or possibly multiple universes, when there could just be a big nothing and no one or thing to contemplate its lack of existence?

To add another layer to this incredible mystery is the question of what nothing is. We know what something is; we see matter around us and can measure energy, but as humans, we’ve never been able to experience true nothingness, so it feels impossible to comprehend. That’s why we should all be thankful for astrophysicist and science communicator, Neil deGrasse Tyson. He created a video that takes us step by step through how we get from something to nothing in under a minute.


- YouTube www.youtube.com

Step 1: Life on Earth

“Is this nothing?” Tyson asks, waving his hand. “No, it's air. Let's go with there's no air."

Step 2: Outside our atmosphere

“No, there's still a few particles floating there between the planets, so it's not quite nothing.”

Step 3: Space

“How about between the stars? Less, but there's still something there. Between the galaxies? Less, but there's still just a few particles per cubic meter that lurk there.”

Step 4: Pure vacuum of space

“There's something called virtual particles that pop in and out of existence. Quantum physics tells us this. So there's still something there.”

Step 5: True nothing

"To get a true nothing, you have to go where there's not even space or time. But if laws of physics still apply, then there's still something there. So you have to go to not only where there's no matter and no space time, but where there are no laws at all. Behold, a true nothing.”

Tyson explained his concept of "nothing" in a StarTalk episode with his co-host, Chuck Nice.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

If that explanation didn’t quite pull you into the realm of understanding, Sean Carroll, a theoretical physicist and cosmologist, did his best to describe it to Vice.

“In quantum field theory, which we think is our best way of describing the universe that we have right now, space is kind of interesting,” Carroll explained. “Even if it’s as empty as it can be, there are still quantum mechanical [properties]—they’re just in a zero-energy state not doing anything. But you could probe the vacuum, as particle physics does, and discover its properties.

“Empty space is a very interesting place in modern physics; there’s a lot going on, whereas, if it were nothing, there would be nothing going on,” he said. “It’s probably better to think of nothing as the absence of even space and time, rather than space and time without anything in them.”

Now that you probably have a good idea of what nothing is, we’re back to the big question: Why is there something instead of nothing? Tyson and Carroll discuss the biggest question in the universe in the section below.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

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James Van Der Beek's realization about his identity after cancer has people pondering

"I had to look my own mortality in the eye," said the Dawson's Creek alum. "I had to come nose to nose with death."

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Photo credits: SANSIERRASTUDIO (left) Super Festivals from Ft. Lauderdale, USA (right)

James Van Der Beek in 2010 and 2023

There's nothing like a brush with death to make you reflect on your life. It's so easy for all of us to get caught up in the day-to-day details of living and not take the time to ponder the deeper elements of existence, from the nature of the universe to the meaning of life to our own individual role in the big picture.

Existential questions can sometimes feel overwhelming, but actor James Van Der Beek shared a thoughtful 48th birthday message with his own life reflection after facing cancer, and it distills a lot of the angst of those questions into a simple yet profound answer that's hitting home with people.

Van Der Beek, who starred in the millennial favorite Dawson's Creek, announced he'd been diagnosed with stage 3 colorectal cancer in 2024 at age 47. He and his wife, Kimberly, have six children, and in a video shared on social media, Van Der Beek shared the progression from his somewhat unfulfilling identity as an actor to "the ultimate" identity as a husband and father prior to his cancer diagnosis.

"I could define myself as a loving, capable, strong, supportive husband, father, provider, steward of the land that we're so lucky to live on," he said. "And for a long time, that felt like a really good definition of the question, 'Who am I? What am I?'"

"And then this year, I had to look my own mortality in the eye," he continued. "I had to come nose to nose with death. And all of those definitions that I cared so deeply about were stripped from me. I was away for treatment, so I could no longer be a husband who is helpful to my wife. I could no longer be a father who could pick up his kids and put them to bed and be there for them. I could not be a provider because I wasn't working. I couldn't even be a steward of the land because at times I was too weak to prune all the trees during the window that you're supposed to prune them."

He found himself facing the question: "If I am just a too-skinny, weak guy, alone in an apartment, with cancer, what am I?"

So often we define ourselves by our roles in life or by what we do, but what if those things change? Who are we when it's just us, alone, with nothing external to anchor us to a particular identity?

"And I meditated and the answer came through," Van Der Beek shared. "I am worthy of God's love, simply because I exist. And if I'm worthy of God's love, shouldn't I also be worthy of my own? And the same is true for you."

I offer that to you however it sits in your consciousness. However it resonates, run with it," he said. "And if the word God trips you up, I certainly don't know or claim to know what God is or explain God. My efforts to connect to God are an ongoing process that is a constant unfolding mystery to me. But if it's a trigger or if it feels too religious you can take the word 'God' out and your mantra can simply be 'I am worthy of love.' Because you are."


Van Der Beek's sincere, warm delivery and universal message of love and worth hit home for a lot of people. Fellow celebrities and fans alike praised and thanked him for it:

"Happy birthday brother. This was absolutely beautiful 💜🙏🏻💜," wrote singer Chris Daughtry.

"You’re a gift to this earth and I’m grateful to know you even if it’s just through IG. Greatly admire the graceful way you share and happy you made it around the Sun again," wrote New Kids on the Block's Joey McIntyre.

The Sopranos' Jamie-Lynn Sigler wrote, "That is it James. That is it. And you my friend are love. A steward of love. A teacher of love !❤️. We love you !!"

"I watched this with Bodhi with tears in our eyes and Bodhi said 'that was really touching' thanks for being love James and sharing that with everyone, ❤️" added actor Teresa Palmer.

Battlestar Galactica reboot's Katee Sackhoff wrote, "Thank you for your vulnerability and wisdom ❤️ Amen!'

"You are such a special soul. You are pure love my friend," added actor Nikki Reed. "Worthy of it all… hoping to hug all of you soon. Happy birthday❤️❤️❤️"

Some people took issue with Van Der Beek saying people could remove the word "God" from the message if they wanted to, but the reality is that not everyone has positive feelings about God or religion, and some have even been deeply hurt by people weaponizing them. Van Der Beek making a message of love more universal so that everyone can take it in and benefit from it without barriers or hang-ups is part of what makes it so beautiful. He was able to express his own religious/spiritual experience without shying away from the terminology that was true for him, while also making sure that his message was accessible to everyone regardless of faith or belief.

Perhaps we can all take a lesson from Van Der Beek's sincere, open, and balanced approach as well.

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Happiness expert explains why 'imposter syndrome' is a good thing and how to lean into it

"If you feel imposter syndrome, that's great," says Dr. Arthur C. Brooks. "That means all kinds of good things about you."

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If you feel like an imposter sometimes, that says something positive about you.

Have you ever created something, or been asked to give a presentation, or gotten an opportunity at work and felt like you weren't good enough for it? Have you ever thought to yourself, "I'm not as capable as they think I am," and had a deep fear that you were going to be outed as a fraud (despite the fact that you do actually have at least some level of skill and competence)?

Chances are, you have. This wave of self-doubt and fear is called "imposter syndrome," and it's quite common. Not only that, but as much as the feeling sucks, it's actually not a bad thing, according to Harvard behavioral social scientist Arthur C. Brooks.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Why having imposter syndrome is a good sign

As a specialist in happiness and author of The Happiness Files: Insights on Work and Life, Brooks says he works a lot with "strivers" in his research, people who are ambitious and want to do great things with their lives.

"What all strivers I've ever met have in common is that the higher they climb, and the more success that they have, the more insecure they feel in their own success because they're not quite sure that they've earned it or deserve it," Brooks shares. "That's called impostor syndrome. It's completely natural."

In fact, Brooks says, there's only one group of people that imposter syndrome doesn't really affect, and that's the people who actually are imposters.

"It's one of the great ironies I've found is that people who deserve success through hard work and merit and personal responsibility are not quite sure they deserve it. And the people who don't deserve it are often the people who actually are most sure that they do."

strengths, weaknesses, imposter syndrome, psychology, self-doubt, Imposter syndrome is very common. Photo credit: Canva

People who don't experience imposter syndrome trigger Brooks' "spider sense," putting him on alert, because it is often a sign of what's known as the "dark triad."

Dark triads, in business or in personal life, are people who are above average in three characteristics: Narcissism (It's all about me). Machiavellianism (I'm willing to do what it takes, including hurting you to get my way.) And psychopathy (to be psychopathic, which is to say, I'm going to hurt you and feel no remorse.) You might think that that's super rare. It's not. One in 14 people in the population is above average on those three characteristics. Dark triads are 7% of the population. You know them. They've broken your heart. They've been disloyal to you. They've taken credit for your work. They've made life miserable, and you try to avoid them."

Brooks says that "good, normal, healthy" people will almost assuredly experience imposter syndrome from time to time, wondering if they have really earned and deserve their success and if they're really up to the task.

imposter syndrome, psychology, self-doubt, strengths, weaknesses, Self-doubt is normal. Photo credit: Canva

"What you're doing here, as a healthy person, is that you know what you're good at, and you know what you're not good at," he says. But other people only see what you're good at. You see your full internal landscape, and you can see what you're still trying to get better at. But that's not what the world sees.

"They're looking at the ways that you're creating value," Brooks says. "You're looking at the ways that you can't create value yet. And you tend to focus, because of what psychologists call negativity bias, on what you don't have as opposed to what you have. When you focus as a striving, hard-working, ambitious, and upwardly mobile person on what you don't have, you're going to feel like an imposter. That's just the way it is, unless you're a dark triad."

No one wants to be a dark triad, so having imposter syndrome is actually a positive sign. But that doesn't make it easier to deal with.

How to make imposter syndrome work in your favor

Brooks says understanding your impostor syndrome and trying to get better at the things you see you're not good at yet is the key to using it as an opportunity for growth.

"If you feel imposter syndrome, that's great," he says. "That means all kinds of good things about you. But don't miss the opportunity. Don't miss the opportunity to focus on the ways that you actually can get better and keep striving more for it. Lean into the imposter syndrome without giving in to it. Lean in without giving in. When you're an accomplished professional, and you're upwardly mobile, and you're being successful, what that means is that people are focusing more on your strengths than your weaknesses. And it also says you have more manifest strengths than you do weaknesses."

That's a helpful reminder. If things are going in the opposite direction, your weaknesses may be taking center stage, but Brooks also reminds us that we're not all weaknesses and not all strengths.

strengths, weaknesses, imposter syndrome, psychology, self-doubt Use imposter syndrome to assess your strengths and weaknesses. Photo credit: Canva

"Here's the problem: If you're a well-adjusted person with a modicum of humility, you're going to feel like a loser when everybody else sees you as a winner, " he says. "But rest assured that when things are going well for you, that means that people are more focused on your strengths than they are on your weaknesses. Don't focus more on your weaknesses than your strengths, but recognize them, because that's your opportunity for growth and change and improvement."

Self-doubt is evidence of a healthy sense of humility, which is good. If we can reframe imposter syndrome, seeing it as a positive sign and an opportunity to determine which areas we can focus on to improve, perhaps it will feel less scary and more like a catalyst for growth.

You can see more from Dr. Brooks at https://arthurbrooks.com/.

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Actress Gabourey Sidibe shocks fans by revealing everyone's been pronouncing her name wrong

"It's Senegalese, so it's got accents that I don't use."

Gabourey Sidibe; names; baby names; name pronunciation; common names; uncommon names
Greg Hernandez/Wikimedia Commons

Actress Gabourey Sidibe shocks fans by revealing everyone's been mispronouncing her name

Some names take a few tries to get right. People who grew up with slightly more complicated names often envied those who could find their name on keychains at amusement parks. Gabourey Sidibe is personally familiar with the struggle of living with a unique name. The Oscar-nominated actress is known for her breakout role in the 2009 film Precious.

Since stepping onto the scene, the pronunciation of her name seems to vary depending on who says it. But recently, in an interview, the actress revealed that no one has pronounced her name the way her parents intended. Nischelle Turner caught up with the actress on Entertainment Tonight as she promotes her directorial debut for Mary J. Blige Presents: Be Happy, premiering on Lifetime.

After reminiscing on Sidibe's first interview with the network, the pair shifted gears, eventually landing on the actress's name pronunciation. Turner appeared shocked when the mom of twins revealed the proper pronunciation.

It starts with Turner asking if her last name is pronounced " si-da-bay " or "si-di-bay." Neither pronunciation was correct. The actress smiles and says, "It's actually si-DEE-beh. It's Senegalese, so it's got accents that I don't use, but I usually say Sidi-bay because Americans need things to rhyme, so I say it's Sidi-bay like city by the bay. For the record, my name also is not Gab-ou-ray," She laughs. "If that matters."

Gabourey Sidibe; names; baby names; name pronunciation; common names; uncommon names Gabourey SidibeJohn Matthew Smith/Wikimedia Commons

Turner's face says what plenty of viewers were probably thinking. Has the world been pronouncing her entire name incorrectly since she became famous? Yes, yes, it has. "It is actually, Ga-BOU-rey," Sidibe shares while Turner repeats her pronunciation. "You're from America," she giggles nearly uncontrollably. The Entertainment Tonight host demands that the actress make people say her name correctly, but she has no plans to correct people.

Turns out, Sidibe began embracing her Americanized pronunciation when she was still in school. Like many with unique names, she was used to people mispronouncing her name, and she used to correct them. Eventually, she decided that Gabby worked because people didn't have difficulty saying that name. Some people who struggle with others pronouncing their name correctly can go in the opposite direction. They may start not being confident enough to correct others, but as they age, they begin to find themselves demanding that people put in the effort to learn their actual name.

As for Sidibe, she says, "I would rather be some name I decide is good enough rather than it being completely butchered."

People who viewed the clip are happy to learn the pronunciation of her name, with one person sharing, "I’m actually very happy she is telling us how to properly pronounce her name!!"

This person says they have regrets about shortening their name, writing, "I shortened my name when I was younger because I got tired of people butchering it. As I got older, I realized that's their problem, not mine. SAY MY NAME! SAY YOUR NAME!"

Gabourey Sidibe; names; baby names; name pronunciation; common names; uncommon names Gabourey SidibeSiebbi/Wikimedia Commons

Another shares that they love how the actress's name is pronounced, "I LOVE how she actually pronounces it! Beautiful name!"

"Make us learn your name. I love it and it’s who you are . But I get it, folks call me Mya and correcting my whole life is exhausting.. but if I want you to know who I am, ima correct you - it’s ME’YA Miya," someone else chimes in.

Names are important, but everyone has their own approach to how they deal with incorrect pronunciations. Some prefer nicknames that they choose, like Sidibe, while others prefer people pronounce their full names correctly. While others may not correct anyone and answer to whatever name is called, asking someone how they pronounce their name may help stop mispronunciations and help the person feel seen.

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