upworthy

women

Women's Health

Women praise man's 'Wonder Woman' description of what happens in perimenopause

This is one kind of "mansplaining" we can get behind.

Photo credit: Canva

What if middle-aged women are just discovering their superpowers?

The social media era has had its pitfalls, but some positives have come from it as well. One benefit of people publicly sharing their lives is that it's opened up conversations about things we didn't openly talk about before. If you have a physical or mental health issue, you can now easily find a community of people with shared experiences instead of feeling alone or isolated in your struggles.

Perimenopause has become a big topic of discussion online, and it's making so many middle-aged women feel less alone in the wild ride that it is. The years preceding menopause are rife with dozens of potential symptoms that suddenly come out of nowhere and stay for an undetermined amount of time. Not just hot flashes, which everyone knows about, but random things like itching all over, joint pain, brain fog, frozen shoulder, sleep disturbances, slowed metabolism, irritability, anxiety, and more. The hormonal shift is powerful and impacts everything.

hot flash, menopause, perimenopause, perimenopause symptoms, women, middle age Hot flashes? How about "power surges"?Photo credit: Canva

It's hard for women who are going through "the change" to explain it. But unexpectedly, there's a man who's given an incredibly empowering description of perimenopause in a video captioned "YOUR MIDLIFE WIFE IS WONDER-WOMAN" that's gone viral for just the right reasons.

"So your partner, she's going through her midlife 'reset,'" Michael Hunter (@uspiral.life) begins, speaking to partners of women in this stage. "The hot flash years, and you think she's being a little moody, snapping more than usual, forgetful, foggy, fried. Congratulations, because you're not witnessing her fall apart. You're witnessing her upgrade."

And every middle-aged woman's ears just perked up.

[instagram https://www.instagram.com/reel/DMoHliWuNwf/?igsh=aXo0dWcwdmc3OGVq) expand=1 site_id=19596302 embed_desktop_width=540 embed_desktop_height=989 embed_mobile_width=375 embed_mobile_height=782]

"Welcome to the divine demolition phase of her existence," he continued. "'Cause everything that doesn't serve her? Her hormones are throwing that in the fire. Compliance? Burned. People pleasing? Torched. Tolerance for your nonsense? Ashes. She's not becoming unstable. She's becoming unavailable for the roles, the rules, and the rhythms that were never designed for her power."

PREACH, SIR. (I mean, please continue, by all means.)

"So check it," he goes on, "her estrogen is dropping, which means her capacity to sacrifice herself is silently plummeting, too. And the hormones that once kept her agreeable? They're packing their bags. She's no longer chemically encouraged to make you feel safe at her own expense. And you're calling that a problem? It's a wake-up call.

menopause, perimenopause, perimenopause symptoms, women, middle age Perimenopause is a wake-up call. Giphy

"Her nervous system is recalibrating. Her brain is rewiring. And her body is asking better questions, like, 'Why am I carrying this marriage?' 'Why do I say yes when I mean hell no?' and 'Why is everyone around me so damn loud and needy?'"

Seriously, who is this guy?

"She's not being hormonal," he says, "She's being clairvoyant. She's finally seeing through the performance, the politics, and the pressure. She's deleting what no longer aligns, and she's upgrading to a new operating system: Truth 3.0 with zero buffer time for B.S.

"This is your opportunity to rise along with her, man. This is your opportunity to grow. So next time you catch her looking like might spontaneously combust, don't flinch. Witness her. Because if you can survive the fire, you might just get to meet the woman who she was always meant to be."

menopause, perimenopause, perimenopause symptoms, women, middle age, wonder woman Menopausal woman discover their superpowers.Photo credit: Canva

Ordinarily, a man explaining perimenopause would have us all rolling our eyes and tossing around the word "mansplain," but Hunter received the social media equivalent of standing ovation in the comments from women who finally felt seen in his words:

"Omg who are you and where have you been all our lives?!? Thank you on behalf of all of us…can you come speak to my kids next??😂🔥🙌"

"Who are you? 😂 we like you (a lot) and nominate you our midlife spokesperson!!! ❤️🙌"

"The first time I have truly loved a man explaining something that happens to a woman. GO : Ladies send to your husbands and get those husbands to send it to all their friends. 🙌🙌"

"You just became the sexiest man ALIVE! Knowledge applied correctly….sexy!😍💯👏❤️"

"Your words made me tear up, so powerful thank you 🙌"

standing ovation, thank you, good job, menopause explanation, perimenopause Standing ovation for Michael Hunter Giphy GIF by Film Independent Spirit Awards

"Thanks for making us feel normal instead of washed up goods. I find it hilarious learning that menopause is why I can no longer tolerate ANY amount of BS😂 it’s been like a light switch. I feel like I just woke up one day & decided I was done with so much crap that I’ve tolerated in the past…I appreciate the positive spin he puts on this! Blessings my fellow menopause-ers!!"

"That has to be the best and most kind description of menopause I've ever heard. Fantastic. 😍"

"You couldn’t have said it better. It’s nice to hear a man have this perspective."

Someone even nominated Hunter to be an honorary member of the We Do Not Care Club. (Explained here, if you don't know.)

In all seriousness, though, the way he describes what's happening at this stage of life is spot on and such a refreshingly different way of perceiving it than we glean from society. And the fact that it's coming from a man is a strange kind of relief—like we don't have to try to explain ourselves because someone outside of it gets it.

Rock on, Michael Hunter. Thanks for the morale boost and for the education of our loved ones.

You can follow @upspiral.life on Instagram for more.

From Your Site Articles
women
Women's HealthHealth
Community

Man asks feminists what it's like being a woman. Their powerful responses are eye-opening.

We all have our blind spots.

Photo credit: Canva

Women's lives are complex, messy, and beautiful.

Diversity is the spice of life, they say. Our differences are what make us special, unique. But sometimes, you yearn for others to understand you in a way that simply can’t happen unless you ask them outright.

That’s what happened on Reddit, when a man asked the forum r/AskFeminists the following question:

“What would you choose as the ONE concept you would make all men on the planet instantly understand, given the power to do so? Tell me about stuff that has nothing to do with men. That we can’t understand because we’re not even there!”


reddit, post, ask, question, forum An unusual request with wonderful, thoughtful answers. Reddit

Women responded enthusiastically, sharing their day-to-day experiences, ranging from differences in health care to the intricacies of “that time of the month.” We’ve gathered 12 of the most highly voted answers, below.


1. Women are not a monolith

First things first, despite the prompt (and the intriguing answers it produced) women are not all the same. They do not think the same, feel the same, or have anything in common, solely based on their gender. The top-voted comment to this Reddit thread said as much, with a user writing:

“The biggest deficiency is not quite getting that we aren’t some hive mind or have some essential trait in common the differentiates us from men. We are no more of a puzzle to be figured out than any of your friends or acquaintances who are men. And just because you dated/met/saw on TikTok a woman who said or did X, that is no reflection on the next woman.”


women, talking, experience, friends, womanhood Photo credit: Canva

The next woman echoed this, saying:

“I am as unique from other people as you are. People often consider women to be a monolith or a hive mind. Absolutely not so. My experiences, opinions, moral codes, and answers are mine.”


2. Women are hilarious

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Quinta Bronson, Carol Burnett: Women have been funny since the dawn of time. Yet, why do some believe the opposite to be true?


- YouTube www.youtube.com

“I have noticed that this whole ‘women are not funny’ myth leads to women (at least those around me) not loosing up and cracking jokes in environments different from the ones they feel safe in,” commented one user.

“Like, you know the class clown stereotype? It is rarely a woman. I also don’t see women making lots of jokes during work presentations or conferences, whereas some men freely use humor as a main tool to keep an audience engaged.”

Another person put even more plainly, writing:

“Women can be just as hilarious as men. In fact, I personally find women way more naturally and authentically funnier than men.”


3. Women are expected to be caregivers

Societal norms have long equated femininity with very specific traits, including to be nurturing, sensitive, and caregiving. From childhood, girls are frequently encouraged to play with dolls, help with chores, and model caregiving behaviors, while boys are rarely socialized in the same way. These expectations continue throughout a woman’s life—often, without their conscious knowledge of it—and they learn the lesson that caregiving is both their duty and moral obligation.

“I think that men often fail to understand the way that women are socialized to be 24/7 caregivers in a way that’s truly mind-blowing if you think about it,” starts another commenter.

She continues with an example:

“I’m sure you’ve seen a million conflicts where a wife is pissed off about something minor that her husband keeps doing, like, maybe he eats all her snacks without replacing them. She lets this go for a while, until she finally brings it up, and it’s a big emotional conversation. And he goes 'Well why didn’t you tell me? You need to communicate if I’m doing something that bothers you!' And everybody agrees that this whole problem was the wife’s responsibility to say something sooner.”


girls, talking, experience, friends, girlhood Even from a young age, girls are socialized to like and do certain things. Photo credit: Canva


4. Inequalities in healthcare

The Retrievals is a fascinating, heart-wrenching audio series by The New York Times, in which they tell the story of I.V.F patients at the Yale Fertility Clinic who experienced excruciating pain during a surgical procedure called egg removal. Despite their protests, no one believed them.

<small class="image-media media-caption" placeholder="Add Photo Caption...">- YouTube</small> <small class="image-media media-photo-credit" placeholder="Add Photo Credit..."> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bG_xdkGrwSA&pp=ygUfZGV2aWwgd2VhcnMgcHJhZGEgb3BlbmluZyBzY2VuZQ%3D%3D" target="_blank">www.youtube.com</a> </small> </p><p>“I wish men knew how expensive all that female cr*p is,” explained one commenter.</p><blockquote>“I’m not talking about the pink tax — as for instance when I saw the identical set of tweezers in two kinds of packaging, one for women and one for men, and the women’s version cost $2 more — but just the sheer volume of crap you buy. Most of us don’t do it just for ourselves. Rarely do our jobs require it, but we get treated a lot better, and I don’t mean ‘straight men are hanging off me!’ better (and that’s not a good thing anyway), but as in ‘we don’t get ignored as much when we talk’ better. Of course, you have to walk the line of ‘attractive enough to tolerate’ and ‘attractive enough to make straight men blame you for their bad behavior.’</blockquote><p><br/></p> <h2>10. Don’t stand so close to me</h2> <p>“I think the largest gap in understanding between men and women is how truly scary it is for women (especially young women) to exist,” begins one woman. </p><p>“This is not to say that it’s not scary to be a man at times, but the fear experienced is different. Men tend to think of fear as being stabbed in a dark alley or being attacked by a bear in the forest, while for women it could be walking through a well-lit parking lot by themselves.”</p><p>She continues,</p><p>“I don’t think a lot of men realize that when they approach women, the woman is thinking about how much of a threat that man could be. Or walking down the street, how dangerous they appear.”</p><p><br/></p> <h2>11. Postpartum</h2> <p>We’ve touched on periods and pregnancy, but what happens once the baby is born? Sunshine and rainbows, I assume?</p><p>Wrong.</p><p>“In my experience, postpartum depression takes the crown,” wrote one woman.</p><p><br/></p><div class="rm-embed embed-media"><p><a href="https://giphy.com/gifs/HannahWitton-hannah-witton-hannahwitton-KCihb9kIGgwj33HKJO">via GIPHY</a></p></div><p>“Absolutely!” agreed another. </p><p>“I went through it and it was pure misery. Trying to take care of an infant while being in a mental health crisis is horrible. What’s more, my ex-husband didn’t believe me, said I probably saw something on TV and that I was just faking it. Part of the reason he’s my ex.”</p><p>Across the globe, it is estimated that <a href="https://www.americashealthrankings.org/explore/measures/postpartum_depression" target="_blank">1 in 7 women (14.3%)</a> experience postpartum depression. In the U.S., that number <a href="https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2826508" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">drops slightly to 12.7%</a> (roughly 1 in 8 mothers) and generally <a href="https://www.postpartumdepression.org/resources/statistics/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">lasts for 3–6 months</a>—even longer, without the proper treatment.</p><p><br/></p> <h2>12. And finally…</h2> <p>The last thing women wish men knew about them? That for most women, our lives don’t revolve around men.</p><p><br/></p><div class="rm-embed embed-media"><p><a href="https://giphy.com/gifs/firstwefeast-mind-complex-hot-ones-w9FlUQkz09GoTudCwh">via GIPHY</a></p></div><p>One woman summed it up perfectly:</p><blockquote>“I think most men here on Reddit have no idea what actual women conversations and friendships are. So many men seem to think that women treat their friends like some extra brittle china dolls, never being sarcastic with them, or jokingly insulting, having to walk on eggshells around them, never having any banter, never saying what they actually think, etc. Do they really think that women can’t have a good banter with other women, be really blunt with each other and not get offended, jokingly hit each other or basically just have very diverse and different human relationships?”</blockquote><p><br/></p><div class="rm-embed embed-media"></div><p>There you have it: the 12 things women wish men would understand about them. Women are not a monolith; they are different and unique and can’t be grouped together just by gender. Life can be scary, in ways that men typically don’t have to think about. Women's lives are expensive. And we’re just people: flawed, funny, lazy, uncaring, loving—all of it. And at the end of the day, it’s a beautiful experience. It’s just like Shania Twain said: “Man, I feel like a woman (hey!)”</p>
From Your Site Articles
equality of men and women
CommunityJoy
Humor

4 guys try a menstrual cramp simulator and can't remotely handle it

"It's stabbing me! What do I do?"

via Benz Trap House/TikTok

Men try a period simulator and hilarity ensues.

They say the best way to understand another person is to walk a mile in their shoes. If you ask most women, though, they'll tell you to forget about the shoes. They've got much bigger problems they wish men could understand.

Imagine how different the world would be if cis-gendered men had the ability to give birth, for example? Would the state of Texas still have a near-blanket ban on abortions or would they be available on-demand? Would we live in a country without mandatory paid maternity leave? How much more affordable would childcare be? Would there be a tax on period products? How would we treat people experiencing period pain?

A few brave men decided to see what life was like for people who have periods in a funny but enlightening video that's gone viral on TikTok.


period pain, men have periods, period simulator, women, men, abortion, womens health, reproductive rights, feminism People who menstruate are often used to being forced to push through the discomfort. Giphy

In a video posted by Benz Trap House that has over 1.4 million views, a group of guys tried a period simulator to experience what menstrual cramps really feel like. Period simulators are essentially the same as labor simulators. They're called transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation (TENS) machines that are designed to relieve pain. But when turned up a notch can create intense, debilitating discomfort.

The group took a semi-scientific approach to the experiment with a woman acting as a control subject. At the beginning of the video, she attaches the simulator to an area near her ovaries and turns it up to ten, the highest setting. In the clip, the group looks impressed as she endures the extreme setting without showing any discomfort.

The men would not do as well.

@benztraphouse

The boys tried a period simulator #fyp #foryou #foryoupage #funny #periodcramps #periodsimulator #viral

When the first guy attempted to wear the period simulator he was shocked by the discomfort. "Is it supposed to hurt like that?" the second guy says before erupting in nervous laughter.

The third guy said that he felt the pain all the way down to his knee caps.

The men's description of the pain certainly seems to indicate that the simulator machine is pretty accurate. According to Mayo Clinic, menstrual cramps are a "throbbing or cramping pain" that radiates to the lower back and thighs. The pain itself, during actual menstruation not simulated by electrical charges, is caused by repeated contractions of the uterus as it sheds its lining. The cramps can be much worse for women and menstruating people with certain conditions. In fact, they can be debilitating and excruciating. But most of the time? Women are expected to just soldier on as if nothing's happening. In many male-dominated spaces, pain or other difficulties associated with periods is not considered a valid excuse for needing a day off, taking a break, or even going to the bathroom!

At one point in the video, the period simulator is attached to a woman and a man at the same time. When the device is turned on, the guy is in extreme pain while the woman stands still, claiming the feelings created by the machine are "not even as bad as a cramp."

"Yeah, my cramps hurt worse than this," she added. See, this is exactly what they mean when they say women have a higher pain tolerance than men. Scientifically, that claim may be dubious, but when it comes to this specific kind of reproductive discomfort, women are far more used to sucking it up.

A lot of people who menstruate felt validated after seeing the guys experience their first period.

"'You feel that in your back, boi?' every month, friend," a commenter named Crystal said.

period pain, men have periods, period simulator, women, men, abortion, womens health, reproductive rights, feminism Menstrual cramps can radiate through the lower back and even legs. Giphy

One of the most popular comments was from Candyce, who said: "I'm convinced if men could get pregnant they'd have abortion clinics on every corner and paid maternity leave the whole pregnancy."

Another commenter, S DeMarco, pointed out that women have to go through an entire day in pain without a break.

"When he said 'it's stabbing me what do I do?' You go to work, clean the house and continue on bb," she wrote.

"Please this needs to be added to every high school health class ... cause some guys really don’t understand the pain" another user added.

Shellz took reality up a notch. "Let's add headaches. And period poops. And bloating. And the feeling of blood leaving you. And the nausea," she wrote.

If only there were a machine that could simulate all that!

period pain, men have periods, period simulator, women, men, abortion, womens health, reproductive rights, feminism If more men appreciated period pain, how might the world be different? Photo by Reproductive Health Supplies Coalition on Unsplash


It's cool that the lighthearted video has gone viral because it'll give some people newfound respect for the pain that people who have periods go through. Some who watched the video thought that period simulators should be mandatory in sex ed classes.

Imagine how different the world would be if everyone experienced menstrual pain just once in their life.

This article originally appeared four years ago. It has been updated.

From Your Site Articles
periods
HumorJoy
Joy

Woman uses funny 'man on the street' interviews with guys to explain how the estrogen patch works

"If men had to go through perimenopause, we'd have hormone therapy in vending machines."

Canva

A woman puts on her estrogen patch. A man looks baffled.

Women going through menopause or perimenopause are learning quickly that not everyone understands what we're dealing with. Which makes sense—it’s confusing even for us, let alone those who can't physically relate.

Luckily, lots of women are willing to teach. Just recently we shared the story of a woman who built the "We Do Not Care" club as a community for those experiencing this "change" in both physical and emotional ways. Our priorities have shifted. Things we once cared about, like "wearing the right bra" on errands, no longer seem that important.

Another woman on Instagram, Beth Crosby (@garbagemom), is taking it up a notch and just so happens to also be a proud member of the WDNC club. In a sponsored clip entitled "Explaining Perimenopause to Dudes," she approaches people on the street with a microphone. For her first interaction, she whips out an estrogen patch and explains to a guy, "This is an estrogen patch." She shows it to the camera as she continues, "This has saved my entire life." She then illustrates how to put it on. "This goes on my butt…"

The man has questions. "So you do this in public?" Similarly to our friends in the We Do Not Care club, Crosby answers, "I don't even give a F anymore. I'm over 40, nothing matters." She reassures him, "Don't be embarrassed," and he cheekily replies, "I'm embarrassed FOR you." She ignores this and puts it on while narrating, "And you put it close to your butt," which she then slaps. "Ah, that's the good stuff."

Next up, she talks to a woman and asks, "If men had to have periods and go through perimenopause…?" The woman quickly interjects, "We'd have hormone therapy in a vending machine." Crosby concurs. "Period."

vending machine, hormone therapy, The Office, chips Dwight digs through a vending machine on The Office. Giphy Peacock. NBC

She explains to another guy, "I take estrogen and I smear it all over my face." He replies, "No you don't. Are you kidding me?" She confirms that yes, indeed, and in fact, "People put it on their vagina. Your vagina shrivels up during perimenopause." He lets an audible "yikes" and then nods and says, "Here we go, okay. Now we're in it."

Lastly, she cuts to a man who inquires, "Wasn't there like a pill or something?" To which Crosby assures, "There is help. I have been seeing an online clinic called Midi Health. They've been incredible. They've prescribed hormone replacement therapy for me and also some supplements, like holistic supplements."

Now switching between people, she explains, "So if you know any women in their mid-40s, just be really nice to them. They've got a lot going on. Thank you!" As she leaves, he—in jest—says, "Good luck with your shriveled self." She turns to the camera while sad clown music plays. He softens it up, "Maybe yours isn't though?" To which Crosby hilariously responds, "It is. Let's just be honest, it is."

Crosby makes it clear she's in a paid partnership with @midihealth, but Upworthy reached out to her and she shares that she's truly a huge fan. "It's been a game changer for me."

She also explains, specifically, how hormones have helped. "I suddenly started getting super anxious, and as someone who has dealt with anxiety my entire life, THIS anxiety felt different. It felt physical. So I finally checked out MIDI health and got prescribed HRT, estrogen (the patch) and progesterone. It was a game changer. I know it sounds dramatic and that's because it was! I'm sleeping a million times better, and my anxiety feels manageable."

The comments were extremely supportive, with one pointing out, "Educating the masses." Crosby responds, "Someone's gotta do it!"

From Your Site Articles
JoyHealthHumorWomen's Health
Trending Stories