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Waxers, nurses and doctors share what they're really thinking about your 'privates.'

You're probably not as special or weird as you think.

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Body dysmorphia really knows no bounds. We tend to think of insecurities as focusing on things like the flatness of our stomachs or the size of our noses. But perhaps the thing that people are most self-conscious about is the thing we actually talk about the least.

According to one study, about 30% of men are "dissatisfied" with the size, shape, or appearance of their penis. That number is even higher when it comes to how women feel about their vaginas. A survey done by Refinery29 showed that almost half of women had "concerns" about the appearance of their vulva.

The numbers say anywhere from a third to a half or more of all people think there's something wrong with the way our private parts look. Which begs the question: If we all think we're weird, is anybody really weird at all?

A fascinating Reddit thread recently polled experts on this very topic; people who tend to see an awful lot of genitals in their line of work: Waxing technicians, or estheticians. The responses were oddly... inspiring.

The prompt asked, "Waxers, how often are you surprised by how a clients genitals look?"

Professional waxers chimed in with their stories and observations. As did doctors, nurses, pelvic floor therapists, urologists, and lots of other pros who work closely with people's unmentionables.

Here are a few of the best responses:

Laura Woolf/Flickr



Gonna chime in as a doctor - and I would imagine it’s the same for professional waxers. WE. DONT. CARE. And in my case I would be surprised if you’d show me something I’ve never seen before. - feelgoodx

I use to be very self conscious and insecure about my genitals. I honestly thought I had a weird vagina. But working in this industry has taught me that every one is a snowflake. I’ve seen it all and nothing surprises me. Just clean yourself before coming in. - Wild-Clementine

Not a waxer but I am a labor and delivery nurse. I see a vulva every single day I work, often multiple, and frequently about 3 feet from my face with a spotlight on it lol. Not much surprises me. Most are out of my memory by the time they're clothed or covered up. When it comes to genitals you want to be unremarkable. - tlotd

Very, very rarely. Shaved, not shaved, lots o’ labia, no labia, etc—it’s all the same to me. I’m just here to work. - Important-Tackle

never. i have seen it all. scars, hyperpigmentation, unevenness; none of it surprises me. just please wash yourself before coming to me. - pastelmorning

Nothing surprises me, I'm mostly just focusing on the hair, but i do have a client who has a tuft of hair on the underside of his shaft near the tip of his penis we call his downstairs soul patch. - noorisms

Two big takeaways:

First, outside of obvious mutilations or pathologies, nothing stands out to people who are extremely knowledgable about genitals. Differences in size, shape, and structure are totally normal and barely even register on the radar!

Second, no matter what you look like down there, good hygiene is always appreciated. A solid tip that extends far beyond the borders of the esthetician's office!

Being embarrassed, self-conscious, or even ashamed of the way your parts look doesn't seem like a big deal, but it can be.

gourd and white tape measure on blue surface Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash

It's bizarre and tragic that unrealistic beauty standards actually effect the way we perceive our own nether regions. Pornography, media, and inconsiderate past partners all play a role in people developing anxiety about the way their genitals look.

Both men and women can have their sex lives negatively impacted by bad self-image and anxiety over the way they look naked. When the shame is really bad, it can hold them back in relationships, or even stop them from seeking them in the first place.

Fear of being judged or humiliated can stop women in particular from, not just going in for a wax, but from going to the gynecologist or asking potentially-embarrassing but critical and life-saving health questions.

If you've ever been a little self-conscious, take it from the experts, from the people who have seen hundreds if not thousands of genitals up close and personal, in the most unflattering lighting and from the worst angles possible: You're totally normal!

women
Family

One couple's perfect response to people asking when they're going to have kids.

Choosing to have kids or not have kids is no one else's decision but yours.

Photo via Carrie Jensen/Imgur, used with permission.

She’s giving birth to a puppy.


"When are you guys going to start having kids?"

Like many couples, Carrie Jansen and her husband Nic had heard this question a million different ways, a million different times.

The pressure really started to mount when the pair, who've been together for eight years, got married three years ago. While Carrie loves kids (she's an elementary school teacher, after all), she and Nic simply aren't interested in having kids of their own. Now or ever.

"It's not what I was meant for," explains Carrie in a Facebook message. "It's like, I love flowers, and everyone loves flowers. But that doesn't mean I want to grow my own. I'm perfectly happy admiring other people's gardens."

Carrie wanted to tell her family that they don't plan on having kids but knew if she did, they'd say something like, "Oh you'll change your mind one day!" and that pesky question would keep rearing its ugly head.

marriage, adults, children, social pressure, pregnancy

Dressed to the nines on their wedding day.

Photo via Carrie Jansen, used with permission.

Rather than continue to deflect the question over and over, Carrie decided to do something a little bit different.

Since the couple was adding another mouth to feed to the family, they decided to announce it with a series of maternity-style photos, revealing the twist: The new addition was a puppy named Leelu, not a baby.

pets, viral, moms, dads, maternity, babies

Look at my newborn baby... puppy.

Photo via Carrie Jensen/Imgur, used with permission.

"My husband and I have been married 3 years and everyone is bugging us about having a baby. Close enough right?" she captioned the photos.

Her pictures went insanely viral, with many of the commenters giving her props for hilariously addressing the dreaded "kids " question.

kids, choices, population, survey

The adorable pup.

Photo via Carrie Jansen, used with permission.

"If you don't want kids, don't have kids. Seriously. Have fun with each other. I had three kids early and it's all about them now," wrote one user. "I wish people would just mind their business raising a kid ain't easy and cheap," wrote another.

"I got my husband a vasectomy for his birthday this year. Best gift ever," chimed in a third.

Carrie was overwhelmed and inspired by the viral response. "Having children is definitely a hot topic, and one that is evolving in this generation like so many other social issues," she says. "It's exciting to find others that feel the same way I do.”

Carrie is hardly alone in not wanting to have kids — in fact, a record number of women are choosing not to have kids today.

In 2014, the U.S. Census Bureau's Current Population Survey found 47.6% of women between age 15 and 44 had never had children, which is the highest percentage on record. Despite the numbers, however, because we still live in a patriarchally-driven society, women regularly face the expectation that they should be mothers, and they often are judged if they decide not to be.

Whether you want to have one kid, five kids, no kids, or a puppy, the choice should be yours and no one else's.

holidays, gifts, woman\u2019s rights, gender equality,

The holiday photo in front of the Christmas tree.

Photo via Carrie Jansen, used with permission.

No one else has the right to put pressure on you to change your body and life in a drastic way. Thankfully, because of women like Carrie — and partners like Nic — who aren't afraid to bring the subject out in the open, the expectations are slowly but surely changing.


This article originally appeared on 12.19.16


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Joy

It took 343 embroiderers in 46 countries 13 years to make one absolutely stunning dress

A truly global, multicultural endeavor.

Photo by Karly Santiago on Unsplash

Women from around the world helped create the Red Dress as a collective embroidery project.

Few things bring people together more beautifully than art. Whether it's music, sculpture, paint or fabric, the arts are a way for us to express ourselves, our cultures and our common humanity.

But rarely do we witness one singular piece of art truly encapsulating the creativity of our human family.

At first glance, the dress created for the Red Dress project is quite obviously stunning. It looks as though it could be worn by a royal—though a royal from where? The style, colors and patterns of the dress don't shout any particular country or culture; in fact, we can point to different elements of it and say it looks like it belongs on any continent.

There's a reason for that. The dress is made out of 84 pieces of burgundy silk dupion, which have spent the past 13 years being sent around the world to be embroidered by 343 people from 46 countries—a truly global, multicultural creation.

Of those 343 embroiderers, 136 were commissioned artisans who were paid for their work and receive a portion of all ongoing exhibition fees. The rest were volunteers who contributed their stitches at events in various countries. Just seven of the embroiderers were men.

British textile artist Kirstie Macleod conceived the project in 2009 as "an investigation into identity, with a desire to connect with women from the around without borders and boundaries." The basic design started as a sketch on the back of a napkin and has grown into a tangible garment that is not only a gorgeous work of art but a platform for women around the world and from all walks of life to express themselves and have their voices heard.

As shared on the project's website:

"Embroiderers include female refugees from Palestine and Syria, women seeking asylum in the UK from Iraq, China, Nigeria and Namibia, victims of war in Kosovo, Rwanda, and DR Congo; impoverished women in South Africa, Mexico, and Egypt; individuals in Kenya, Japan, Turkey, Sweden, Peru, Czech Republic, Dubai, Afghanistan, Australia, Argentina, Switzerland, Canada, Tobago, Vietnam, Estonia, USA, Russia, Pakistan, Wales, Colombia and England, students from Montenegro, Brazil, Malta, Singapore, Eritrea, Norway, Poland, Finland, Ireland, Romania and Hong Kong as well as upmarket embroidery studios in India and Saudi Arabia."

On Instagram, Kirstie Macleod shared a panel of the dress that was embroidered by two women in Kosovo, who shared some of their reflections on their experiences in the war there.

They stitched words into the birds they embroidered:

"Better one winter in your own country than a hundred springs away."

"The greatest wealth is to live content with little."

"Freedom has come. Love yourself first."

"Love all. Trust some. Hate none."

"A winter is a winter. Be nice, everyone."

"We live in peace now."

The creation of the dress began in 2009 and was completed in 2022. Each woman embroidered a piece of her own story into the dress, which contains millions of stitches. From established professional artisans to first-time embroiderers, the women were encouraged to share something that expressed their personal identities as well as their cultures. Some used traditional embroidery styles that had been practiced for hundreds of years where they are from. Others stitched in meaningful elements of their life stories. Some of the women are also using textile work to rebuild their lives and earn a consistent living.

The dress is on tour, being displayed in museums and galleries around the world. The photos showing women of various ages and ethnicities wearing the dress are made all the more moving knowing the history of how and by whom it was made.

Absolutely stunning. What a wonderful idea to connect women in a way that lets them share their stories and showcases and beautifully honors them.

This article originally appeared on 8.20.22

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Pop Culture

Kate Winslet explains why women become more beautiful as they get older

She's not wrong.

Photo credit: Movieway PL

Kate Winslet on TIFF red carpet in 2017

In 2005, Kate Winslet was named one of PEOPLE magazine's Most Beautiful People. But even then, at age 29, Winslet had a remarkably grounded view of beauty. When asked what made her feel beautiful, she said, "The happiness I feel in having a family has brought me a real beauty."

Nearly two decades later, Winslet's take on beauty is even more revealing of her down-to-earth character. In a video sit-down with Harper's Bazaar UK, the 49-year-old actor shared some of her life lessons on different topics, and in responding to what she's learned about beauty, she shared:

"Number one is that women get more beautiful as they get older, for sure, because our faces become more a part of who we are, they sit better on our bone structure, they have more life, they have more history. Things I find incredibly beautiful are wrinkles around the eyes, the backs of hands. I think those things are very beautiful.”

She also talked about the importance of taking care of yourself from the inside. "Not just what you eat and how you look after yourself from a nutritional standpoint, but how you look after yourself from a mental wellness standpoint," she said. "How you feel about yourself emotionally, physically. Your place within the world. How you walk through the world. How you live with integrity and sincerity. I think those things matter and those things do come out in how we look and subsequently, of course, how we feel. And beauty is really a feeling, I don't think it's a thing that we look at."

People loved Winslet's commentary on aging and beauty, which run counter to so much of the societal messaging we get about wrinkles and other signs of aging being ugly or undesirable.

"As a little girl I remember looking up at my piano teacher as she sat next to me on the piano bench and I looked forward to getting crows feet like she had because I thought she was so beautiful! 😍"

"To me, this is an obvious truth. I feel sorry for people who cannot see the beauty in an ageing face. It's like going to an historic city like Venice and wanting to put new plaster or new facades over all the crumbling walls."

"Every line tells a story. Growing old is a privilege. It’s incumbent upon all of us to unlearn the lies we’ve been sold by the beauty industry that only youth is beautiful."

"More of this thinking please 🙌❤️ let’s celebrate what is natural and re-balance our attitudes towards aging. As a 45 year old woman who is about to be a grandmother this video made me feel really good 😌🦋🙏🏼✨"

"My AGE is a BLESSING not a BOUNDARY.🔥"

"Exactly one of the reasons I adore Kate Winslet and will watch anything she’s in. So strong. So wise. So real. So fully human. A luminous beauty — and she’s right, she is more beautiful with age. Even when she plays characters with very plain make-up and clothes."

In the full video, Winslet also shared what makes her feel beautiful:

"I think the answer to that question is that it just changes all the time. Often I will feel my most beautiful when I'm just relaxing. I'm working on achieving the relaxing thing more and more. In fact, this year I'm doing quite a lot of that. But often I will feel my most beautiful, perhaps, when I'm just at home with Ned and the children, just being my natural self."

Winslet has previously shared that women get more powerful and sexy in their 40s, which is music to middle-aged ears:

"I think women come into their 40s, certainly mid-40s, thinking: ‘Oh well, this is the beginning of the decline and things start to change and fade and slide in directions that I don't want them to go in anymore.’ And I've just decided no," she said. “We become more woman, more powerful, more sexy. We grow into ourselves more, we have the opportunity to speak and speak our mind and not be afraid of what people think of us, not care what we look like quite so much. I think it's amazing."

In her Bazaar UK video, Winslet also shared what she's learned about friendship, confidence, style, empowerment and more. Watch the full video here:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

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