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Wellness

What conscientious men can do to help women feel safer in public

What conscientious men can do to help women feel safer in public
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If you've spent time on social media the past two weeks, you've undoubtedly seen a deluge of content about women feeling unsafe going about daily life. For some of us, especially those who have survived violence, the fear is constant. For others, it's a hum in the background of our minds that gets louder in certain situations. But I don't think it's a stretch to say that most women think about their bodily safety far more often than men do.

Women have been sharing mental checklists we go through to navigate the world, and it's a lot. Even those of us who have managed to get through life in a woman's body without being assaulted still have to think about our safety all. the. time.

Obviously, the best thing men can do to help women feel safe is to actually be safe. Equally obvious is the fact that creeps who harass or molest or assault women aren't looking for a list like this to change their behavior. But there's a lot that good men can do to help ease the burden women feel when we're out and about.

Here are some tips for men who genuinely want women to feel safe, who may not realize they're inadvertently making us feel unsafe, and who understandably need some guidance on what actually helps.

1. Recognize that our wariness of you is not personal.

If I'm walking to my car after leaving the grocery store at night and you walk out behind me, I probably won't think much of it. If your car happens to be parked near mine, and you're walking behind me the whole time I'm headed there, my radar will probably go up. I'll probably pull out my keys and be ready to gouge you in the eyes if I have to. It's not you. I just have no way of knowing whether you're a sweet, kind guy just going to his car or a predator who sees an opportunity. I want to believe the former, but I have to be prepared for the latter. We know it's #notallmen. We just don't know which men.


We already second-guess ourselves and wonder if we're overreacting, every single time our guard goes up. When you take our wariness personally because you wouldn't hurt a fly, it doesn't help. What does help is knowing you understand why we feel the way we feel and why we take the precautions we take.

2. Keep your distance.

You may not realize it, but when we're on the same block together, we are keenly aware of how close you are to us and how fast you are walking. When you're behind us, we are constantly calculating whether we're far enough away from you to be able to run if your speed picks up. When you're walking toward us, we're calculating your size and build to determine whether we could fend you off. Again, nothing personal.

Knowing this is what's going through our minds, it's helpful if you remain at a distance. If you need to pass us, make a wide enough berth to make it obvious that you're avoiding getting close to us. Ideally, you'd cross the street, keep your face visible, and avoid looking our way too much. If we're on a running trail or something, give us a verbal cue ahead of time that you're just approaching to pass, like "Jogging up on your left!"

I know some good guys who will keep an eye on a woman who is walking alone to make sure no one else messes with her. That's great—just give us plenty of space or walk ahead of us and keep your ears open rather than watching us from behind. And while you might think it's polite to let a woman go first when exiting a bus or train or building, we generally feel safer with you in front of us than behind us.

3. Keep your hands to yourself, even in passing.

Some people are touchy-feely by nature, and some casual forms of touch are just automatic for some people. However, many women will have a visceral response to being touched by men they don't know, even if there's no weird or inappropriate intention behind it.

For example, a man will sometimes put his hand on a woman's lower back while walking past her in a crowded place. Don't do that. What may be a natural thing for you may feel like an invasion of body safety to the woman you're touching. Not every woman will be bothered by this, but I know many women who are. Going out of your way to avoid touching a woman you don't know signals that you're aware of how women feel and want them to feel safe and comfortable and respected. We notice such things.

4. Offer to escort your female friends places.

Don't act surprised or confused if a woman asks you to walk her home. Feel free to take it as a compliment that a woman feels fairly safe with you, but also don't assume it means we're hitting on you. We know we're much less likely to be targeted if we have a man with us, so we're using your presence as a deterrent more than seeing you as a superhero.

Keep in mind that most women are assaulted by someone she knows, not strangers. This is a reality we're aware of when asking for you to walk us somewhere. Even if we know you, we're only asking because we've weighed the potential risks and decided you're safer than walking alone. But we may not feel 100% safe with you, either.

5. Intervene when women are being objectified or harassed.

Whether you're hanging out with a group of guy friends when someone makes a sexist joke or you're walking down the street and see a woman being cat-called, say something. "Don't do that, man. Don't be that guy," can go a long way. And if you see a woman being harassed, physically putting yourself between her and the harasser and staying with her until the harasser leaves can be helpful.

If you've witnessed a woman being harassed or assaulted, approach her gently and offer assistance. "Are you okay? Would you like me to call a [friend, manager, security, police, etc.] for you? I'll stay with you until they arrive. I saw what happened and am happy to serve as a witness." Follow the woman's lead, but understand she might be scared. Keep a bit of distance, but let her know you're there to help however she needs it.

6. Don't flirt with a woman who isn't showing any interest.

The nuances of attraction and flirtation can be tricky to decipher sometimes, but not as tricky as we sometimes make them. When a woman isn't interested at all, she'll usually make it pretty clear. The "playing hard to get" idea is largely a myth, so if a woman is putting of signals that she's not actively interested in you—answering your questions as briefly as possible, avoiding direct eye contact, excusing herself from a conversation, not initiating any contact—don't flirt with her. It comes across as creepy.

Yes, she might just be extremely shy. But being overtly flirtatious isn't going to go over well in that case, either. Basically, assume a woman doesn't want to be flirted with unless she gives you some very clear signs that she's interested in you.

7. Be an example and a mentor to younger men and boys.

What women are feeling and experiencing isn't anything new. This stuff has been perpetuated for generations, and we need to break the cycle somehow. One of the best things men can do is to set an example for younger males. Show them what it looks like to listen to women. Talk to them about what they can do to be good men, safe men, supportive men. Nip bad behavior and attitudes toward women and girls in the bud early. Be aware of the messages they are getting from society, entertainment, media, etc. and counteract harmful messaging they're hearing.

Women are tired. It's exhausting to constantly be running imaginary scenarios through our heads and preparing ourselves for potential threats to our bodies. It's exhausting to constantly wonder if we're being overly paranoid, only to hear another story of a woman we know being assaulted. Thanks to the good men working to change that reality and doing what they can to help women walk through the world without fear.

Joy

'90s kid shares the 10 lies that everyone's parent told them

"Don't swallow that gum. If you do, it'll take 7 years to come out."

via 90sKid4lyfe/TikTok (used with permission)

90sKidforLife shares 10 lies everyone's parents told in the era.


Children believe everything their parents tell them. So when parents lie to prevent their kids to stop them from doing something dumb, the mistruth can take on a life of its own. The lie can get passed on from generation to generation until it becomes a zombie lie that has a life of its own.

Justin, known as 90sKid4Lyfe on TikTok and Instagram, put together a list of 10 lies that parents told their kids in the ‘90s, and the Gen X kids in the comments thought it was spot on.


“Why was I told EVERY ONE of these?” Brittany, the most popular commenter, wrote. “I heard all of these plus the classic ‘If you keep making that face, it will get stuck like that,’” Amanda added. After just four days of being posted, it has already been seen 250,000 times.

Parents were always lying #90s #90skids #parenting

@90skid4lyfe

Parents were always lying #90s #90skids #parenting

Here are Justin’s 10 lies '90s parents told their kids:

1. "You can't drink coffee. It'll stunt your growth."

2. "If you pee in the pool, it's gonna turn blue."

3. "Chocolate milk comes from brown cows."

4. "If you eat those watermelon seeds, you'll grow a watermelon in your stomach."

5. "Don't swallow that gum. If you do, it'll take 7 years to come out."

6. "I told you we can't drive with the interior light on. ... It's illegal."

7. "Sitting that close to the TV is going to ruin your vision."

8. "If you keep cracking your knuckles, you're gonna get arthritis."

8. "You just ate, you gotta wait 30 minutes before you can swim."

10. "If you get a tattoo, you won't find a job."


This article originally appeared on 4.26.24

Pop Culture

Ever seen two cellists rocking out to an AC/DC song? It's amazing how well it works.

2Cello's genre-smashing "Thunderstruck" performance has been watched 260 million times.

2Cellos rocks the house with "Thunderstruck."

If someone said, "Name two genres of music on the opposite ends of the spectrum," heavy metal and classical music would be a logical answer. So when you hear that an AC/DC song being played on classical instruments, it can challenge the brain a bit.

(Some folks may ask, "Is AC/DC really considered heavy metal?" By today's standards, no. Compared to thrash, black and death metal, definitely not. But AC/DC has been lumped into the heavy metal genre by everyone from MTV to Encyclopedia Britannica, despite co-founder Angus Young saying they were just a rock band. At the very least, they were metal-adjacent, so let's roll with it.)

"Thunderstruck" is one of those songs people of all ages know at least part of, thanks to its frequent use in movies and television shows. In fact, it's so ubiquitous that when two cellists transition into it from a classical piece, it's instantly recognizable.


Of course, the way they headbang and literally shred their cello bows while playing it also helps.

The cellists dressing in period garb and playing for what looks like an audience of Mozart's creates a delightful contrast in addition to it being in impressive musical performance. There's a reason the 2Cellos "Thunderstruck" video has been viewed a whopping 260 million times on YouTube.

Watch and enjoy:

People's reactions since the video debuted in 2014 have ranged from humor to incredulity to admiration for the duo's mad cello skills:

"I used to be a fan, but after hearing this masterpiece 1000 times, I'm an air conditioner now."

"When you're into rock but your parents buy you a cello."

"Can’t believe AC/DC made a cover of a song from the 1700s."

"These guys are like the ultimate form of being classically trained but the teachers never let them have any fun."

"As a fellow cellist, the skill you're witnessing is incredible."

"As a bass player, it's incredible how they can play that with so much precision. It is truly incredible, love the music."

Many people in the comments have shared that they keep coming back to watch this again and again, even years later.

Luka and Hauser, the famous Croatian cellists responsible for this genre-smashing masterpiece, just ended their musical career together in May of 2023. As Total Croatia News reported, "Luka is more of a family man now, with three children and a wife, and Hauser continues to be ambitious, full of ideas and eager to keep going, conquering the world and playing his music everywhere. Having different approaches to life, they thought it was best to take separate paths but will still remain great friends."

However, you can still enjoy their past performances together on their YouTube channel here.


This article originally appeared on 10.25.23

Science

Florida meteorologist applauded for getting emotional in live coverage of Hurricane Milton

People are finding John Morales' genuine empathy refreshing, and very much needed.

Photo credit: NASA (public domain), NBC 6 South Florida/YouTube

“I apologize — this is just horrific,” said John Morales during live coverage of Hurricane Milton.

Venerated meteorologist John Morales couldn’t help but get choked up during his report on the potentially devastating impact of Hurricane Milton closing in on Florida—a mere two weeks after being pummeled by Hurricane Helene.

“It’s just an incredible, incredible, incredible hurricane,” Morales began, the weather forecast map almost completely in red.

Tears welled up in his eyes as Morales tried to notify viewers that “it has dropped 50 millibars in 10 hours.”

To most of us, those wouldn’t mean anything. But the anguish in Morales’s voice says it all.


Trying to gain composure, Morales quickly said, “I apologize — this is just horrific,” and continued with his broadcast offscreen, showing just the water map. His voice was still noticeably shaken.

We live in a 24-hour new cycle, which has made us aware of so many global catastrophes and also desensitized to them. But when moments like this happen, when even our ever-stoic messengers are so moved that it also touches us on an emotional level, we are reminded that what happens to one of us, happens to all of us.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

That's probably why so many people commented to commend Morales for showing a bit of humanity—which they found particularly refreshing for a news anchor.

"Please don't apologize. Showing some empathy shows you care and aren't fear mongering. <3 We appreciate it."

"No apology is ever needed for being human and showing what we see so little of these days: genuine empathy. Thank you, sir."

"Your kindness and humanity are not a weakness, but the strength that we all need right now. Thank you."

"No apologies needed sir...for someone to show real emotions for other people...is real concern, real caring."

"He showed a vanishingly rare moment of authenticity and actual empathy, in an incredibly cynical and ugly world - a beautiful thing to see in this scary time. As someone whose family lives in the area that is about to be pummeled by this storm, I am very grateful to him for his decency and humanity in the face of this possible horror that my family are facing. He deserves SO much credit for this beautiful display of transparency and empathy - though he obviously didn't do it for the credit but rather, out of empathy."

"I debated whether to share this. I did apologize on the air," Morales would later post on X.

He also urged folks to read his coverage of the relationships between climate change and extreme weather on The Bulletin, calling these recent hurricanes are “harbingers of the future.”

Global warming has changed me. Frankly, YOU should be shaken too," he wrote.

If a professional of 35 years is saying this…yikes.

Teddy Roosevelt, Ronald Reagan, Joe Biden and Barack Obama all having a laugh.

Like it or not, we’ve recently entered the age of artificial intelligence, and although that may be scary for some, one guy in Florida thinks it’s a great way to make people laugh. Cam Harless, the host of The Mad Ones podcast, used AI to create portraits of every U.S. president looking “cool” with a mullet hairstyle, and the results are hilarious.

The mullet is a notorious hairdo known as the "business in the front, party in the back" look. It's believed that the term "mullet" was coined by the rap-punk-funk group Beastie Boys in 1994.


While cool is in the eye of the beholder, Harless seems to believe it means looking like a cross between Dog the Bounty Hunter and Kenny Powers from “Eastbound and Down.”

Harless made the photos using Midjourney, an app that creates images from textual descriptions. "I love making AI art," Harless told Newsweek. "Often I think of a prompt, create the image and choose the one that makes me laugh the most to present on Twitter and have people try and guess my prompt."

"The idea of Biden with a mullet made me laugh, so I tried to make one with him and Trump together and that led to the whole list of presidents,” he continued.

Harless made AI photos of all 46 presidents with mullets and shared them on Twitter, and the response has been tremendous. His first photo of Joe Biden with a mullet has nearly 75,000 likes and counting.

Here’s our list of the 14 best presidents with mullets. Check out Harless' thread here if you want to see all 46.

Joe Biden with an incredible blonde mane and a tailored suit. This guy takes no malarkey.

Donald Trump looking like a guy who has 35 different pairs of stonewashed jeans in his closet at Mar-a-Lago.

Barack Obama looking like he played an informant on "Starsky and Hutch" in 1976.

George H.W. Bush looking like he plays bass in Elvis's backing band at the International Hotel in Vegas in '73.

Gerald Ford looking like the last guy on Earth that you want to owe money.

"C'mon down and get a great deal at Dick Nixon's Chrysler, Dodge, Jeep and Ram, right off the I-95 in Daytona Beach."

"Who you calling Teddy? That's Theodore Roosevelt to you."

Grover Cleveland is giving off some serious steampunk vibes here.

Pray you never key Chester A. Arthur's Trans Am. If you know what's best for you.

Honest Abe? More like Honest Babe. Am I right?

Franklin Pierce looking like your favorite New Romantic singer from 1982. Eat your heart out, Adam Ant.

"Daniel Day Lewis stole my look in 'Last of the Mohicans.'" — John Tyler

Many have tried the tri-level mullet but few pulled it off as beautifully as James Madison.

Washington's mullet was like a white, fluffy cloud of freedom.

Find more cool, mulletted U.S. presidents here.


This article originally appeared on 3.1.23

Humor

Deaf woman shares list of ‘hearing anxieties’ after learning what others can actually hear

“Nobody should be able to hear that much…that’s not your business.”

Deaf woman shares 'hearing anxieties' after learning what others hear

People who were born hearing often can't imagine what it would be like to not hear the world around them. But since the world is set up around the capabilities of hearing people, there isn't much that would cause someone to think further into the experiences of deaf and hard of hearing (HoH) people.

But in many ways our ability to hear can cause deaf and HoH people anxieties that hearing people don't even consider. All the noises bodies make when people are just existing are recognized but easily tuned out by hearing people, though we use those body sounds as signals when needed.

Deaf people are not innately aware that bodies make noises without trying so when they become aware, some may develop a self consciousness around it. Recently a deaf woman shared that she got together with her friends to share their newer "hearing anxieties."


Scarlet May took to TikTok to share a list of what she and her deaf friends call "hearing anxieties." Hearing anxieties are basically things hearing people can hear that are normal that deaf people are or have been unaware others can hear. For instance, there's a story about a deaf student who had no idea other people could hear them pass gas until their teacher pointed it out. There was no mention of the child developing hearing anxiety around farting in school but it would be understandable if they did.

Sign Language Asl GIF by @InvestInAccessGiphy

"I was just with all my friends and we were sharing stories of our hearing anxieties. It's basically things we as deaf people didn't know that hearing people could hear," Scarlet says.

The young woman speaks quickly while also using American Sign Language (ASL), some users pointed out that her long nails clicking together while she signed was soothing, before wondering if she knew people could hear that. Some of the hearing anxieties may be surprising to hearing people but it makes sense when you think about what the realization must have been like.

talking sign language GIFGiphy

"First one we didn't know y'all can hear is our breathing. My friend said his boyfriend could tell he was mad just based off his breathing. Like he was huffing and puffing hard and then he was like, 'are you mad?' and he was like 'no why?' He was like, 'I can hear you breathing hard," the woman explains.

Hearing someone breathe isn't something people who are hearing think much about until they notice a change in someone's breathing pattern that can give clues into how the other person is feeling. Like Scarlet's friend, being angry changes a person's breathing pattern, so does being anxious, afraid and bored. Hearing people take these cues to offer up additional support ore recognize when someone might be upset with them.

Sign Language Please GIF by @InvestInAccessGiphy

"Number two, how can y'all tell when we're hungry? This one happened to me. I was starving and my friend was like, 'oh somebody's hungry,' and I was like 'what,' and she was like, 'I can hear your stomach.' Huh? Why can you hear so much that you can tell I'm hungry? That's weird. Nobody needs to hear that much," Scarlet says while seemingly irritated at the thought of people hearing hunger.

This is likely less helpful to hearing people than hearing breathing changes but it can come in handy in a pinch. If you're in a meeting with a rumbly tummy a friend sitting near you may silently offer you a snack to hold you over. It can also be helpful if someone is nonverbal and unable to communicate their hunger needs appropriately. But outside of that, many hearing people find it embarrassing for their belly to be angrily rumbling since there's no controlling it when you're trapped adulting with no food within reach.

@scarlet_may.1 hearing anxiety is so real 😭 #fyp ♬ original sound - Scarlet May

The last thing Scarlet lists is the fact that hearing people can hear people eating, saying, "this one, I do not like. Every time I'm eating around hearing people I'm always making sure I'm not too loud, even if I'm quiet I don't even know how much y'all can hear." She further explains that it causes her to become self conscious about it and attempt to change how she's eating. Commenters sympathized with Scarlet and her hearing anxieties, some even pointing out that they also feel like hearing people can hear too much.

One person writes, "The socially acceptable behavioral standard is to pretend like you don't hear any of those things. It's the polite thing to do."

Another shares, "I'm with you on all of this. I'm tired of hearing this much."

All That Nicksplat GIF by NickRewindGiphy

Someone commiserates with the anxiety, "I'm anxious about these things too and I'm not even deaf, especially the stomach one."

"As a hearing person I also think we don't need to hear that much. I can hear my blood flowing through my body, that's too much," one commenter cries.

"If it makes you feel any better we also are embarrassed when people know we are hungry or are breathing hard," another offers support.

You don't have to be deaf to be embarrassed or anxious about the sounds your body makes. Everyone has body noises they can't control and it's probably safe to say that most of us wish we couldn't hear those things.