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work life balance

Motherhood

Woman demands the secret to how working moms were able to keep up in the 90s

"They had a different batch of 24 hours."

FamPhiji|TikTok

Woman tries to discover 90s working moms' secret to balance

Being a mom is often a thankless job but it's also one that feels nearly impossible to do while still maintaining balance in other aspects of life. This is especially true for moms that also work outside the home.

They're somehow fitting in 40+ hours a week at an 8 to 5 while also keeping up with appointments, activities, special events, groceries, and housekeeping. Then there's the matter of fitting in time with your partner if you have one while also finding time for your friends and yourself.

There just simply doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day for working moms to do all that is expected of them. But many working moms grew up with working moms who somehow seemed to have this work-life balance thing all figured out. One mom took to the internet to demand to know the secret that moms from the 80s and 90s are keeping around this common struggle.

The mom uploaded a video to her account, FamPhiji to express her confusion on how her own mother was able to do everything while never appearing stressed.

"Am I the only mom that's actually confused at how her own mom was able to do this? How are you able to wake up, get yourself dressed, get me ready, take me to daycare or school, go to work, work a full shift," Phiji asks, "Get off, pick me up, take me home, make sure I was fed, make sure I was bathed, put me to bed, wake up and do it all again?"

Other moms shared Phiji's confusion on how their working moms were able to keep up with everything while maintaining their sanity.

"They had a different batch of 24 hours," one woman claims.

"They had real coke in their coke, energy drinks [keep] me standing," another mom jokes.

"Air quality was different," someone says.

@_phiji

I’m tired. #momtok #momsoftiktok #toddlermom #toddlertok #millenialmom #momlife #momstruggles #fyp

Others were more serious with their answers as they lamented about what moms in the 80s and 90s went through.

"Honey, it took me til adulthood to realize my mom was depressed," a commenter reveals.

"I don't think they had time for themselves. I think they just kept moving and never even stopped to think about how exhausted and miserable they were," someone suggests.

A mom from the generation in question chimed in to confirm the suspicion of others: "There was no balance. We just kept moving cause we knew what had to be done," she said.

So, maybe it wasn't magic or a super secret extra set of hours. Maybe it was the more likely scenario that they, too, were absolutely overwhelmed and exhausted but we didn't notice because we were children.

One day our own children will be asking how we made it all work and that's your time to tell them the truth—that work-life balance is a pretty much a myth (though it's a bit more real in other countries...).

Wherever you live and work, though, it takes equal partnership to make a household run smoothly and something will always get put down. It's up to you to prioritize what you need to hold, what you can delegate, and what you can set aside for another day.


This article originally appeared in January.

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Boss shares 5 things he's 'sick' of hearing from staff and people actually love him for it

He's just being honest.

via Rob Dance (used with permission).

CEO Rob Dance holds a list of things he's "sick" of hearing from his employees.

Since the COVID-19 pandemic disrupted workplaces worldwide, there has been a greater push for improved work-life balance and many companies are taking notice. The exciting thing is that when companies become more flexible, their employees become happier and more productive.

It’s a win-win for all involved.

Rob Dance, the CEO of ROCK, a technology consulting company in the UK, recently went viral for posting about his approach to work-life balance on Instagram. What, at first, appeared to be a CEO reprimanding his employees revealed a boss who knows how to get the best out of is team by treating them like adults.

The post was of Dance holding a whiteboard that reads:

Things I’m sick of hearing from my employees:

- Can I leave early today

- I’ll be late in the morning

- My child is sick, can I rush off

- I’ve got a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, is that okay

- I’m going to be late back from lunch, I’ve got some things to sort.

I don’t care.

I hired you for a job and I fully TRUST you to get it done.

I don’t need you to account for every single hour.

Times have changed, and the workplace is different these days.

People are sick of being treated like children.

All that should matter is that everyone is happy, and that the work gets done.


He also shared his advice for companies on how to treat their employees. “Treat your staff like adults. That’s it, that’s the big secret,” he wrote. “Give them autonomy. Respect that they have lives outside of work. Don’t gaslight them into being grateful for not being fired every day.” Because in the end, the only thing that matters is if they get the job done. “Output should always trump hours,” he concluded.

Upworthy contacted Dance, who explained why managers still hesitate to treat their employees like adults.

“Many bosses don't trust their employees and keep extremely close tabs on them because of past experiences and a desire for control. They might believe that micromanaging ensures productivity and prevents issues,” he told Upworthy. “Additionally, the pressure to meet business targets can drive bosses to monitor employees obsessively, thinking it will lead to better outcomes. This approach, however, only undermines trust and destroys morale in the workplace. It creates a toxic environment where employees feel undervalued and stressed, leading to higher turnover rates and decreased overall performance. Instead of fostering a culture of accountability and growth, this behavior only promotes fear and resentment.”



Dance says that technology has helped drive demand for improved work-life balance.

“Mobile technology definitely started to blur the lines between one’s professional and personal life, making it tough to switch off from work,” he told Upworthy. “As a millennial leader, I've always valued work-life harmony for my staff, helping them to achieve both flexibility and finding purpose in their work.”

The ROCK CEO also has advice for employees who’d like to gain their employer’s trust.

“Always deliver quality work and aim to meet or exceed expectations. Keep communication lines open by regularly updating your manager on your progress, challenges, and successes,” he told Upworthy. “Take the initiative to go beyond basic requirements, showing your willingness to contribute more. Act with integrity by always being honest and ethical. Seek honest feedback and make tangible improvements based on it, demonstrating your commitment to growth. Finally, a big one is building positive relationships with everyone you work with, as strong connections are what help to build real trust.”

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Popular

People share some unexpected jobs that aren't nearly as romantic as you'd think

Who knew?

Unsplash, Unsplash, Twitter

Dog groomer, librarian and knight.

Blink 182 said it best: Work sucks, I know.

When we're kids, we dream of becoming astronauts, marine biologists, firefighters … only to discover that these jobs are nowhere near what we imagined them to be. As it turns out, all jobs require work, sadly.

A recent Reddit thread asked: "What is an overly romanticized job?" And though the answers are blunt, they do reveal another side of these so-called "dream jobs."

Working With Animals

vets, dog groomers, zookeepers, lame jobsAce Ventura Movie GIF by MANGOTEETHGiphy

"You spend most of your time cleaning poop and you're paid like shit." – Coc0tte


FBI Agent

fbi, field work

Sandra Bullock surprise GIF by 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment

Giphy

"I dated a woman who was with the FBI and she enjoyed what she did most of the time but wow was it dry. Imagine sitting in a car watching a house for 6 hours then going back to the office and spending a few hours writing a report. Or looking through 10 years of purchase records and receipts that you pulled out of the trash to build a case. Or sitting in a room at midnight listening in on a dude having phone sex with his mistress.The overwhelming majority of her job was writing reports, status updates, and reviewing financial documents in an office. The hours were terrible, the work seemed boring, and the bureaucracy was thick." – L_Bart0

Video Game Testing

snl, snl video gamesVideo Games Nbc GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy

"I had a boyfriend who did it for several years… You play the same five minutes of game over and over again, hundreds of times (sometimes thousands). The job kinda killed his passion for gaming, and as far as I know, he still doesn't play anything for fun." – QuinnRMonroe

Knight at Medieval Times

medieval times, medieval times knight, medieval times jobsknight lot GIFGiphy

"Those guys start as squires and deal with tons of grunt work and when they become knights, hours are still terrible but now you risk very serious injuries during practice or during a show. All of my friends that have worked or work there have had multiple surgeries, broken bones, you name it. They do like having the spotlight on them and they're like brothers but usually hate it after a while." – Linas416

Traveling Sales

sales jobs, jobs that suckGiphy

"For some reason some of my old coworkers got it in their heads that my traveling sales job was whisking me away to exotic places and gourmet meals on the company dime. No. No no no. Unless you think Syracuse is basically Paris and eating a poorly wrapped burrito while driving because you don't have time to stop for lunch between appointments is fine dining, sales is not sexy." – FistedTate

"Saddest part for me was on the road one time going out to a solo dinner (as usual) and being sat with a candle and rose in the middle of the table. I looked around and saw every other table was a couple and only then did it hit me it was Valentine's Day." – rocket-guy-12

Academia

reddit, reddit hot

How i met your mother spell GIF

Giphy

"If you get offered a professorship in Boise Idaho you have to take it, because you almost certainly will not be offered another one." – workacct1999

Architect

Architect GIF by Harvey'sGiphy

"Seems like lots of good romcom boyfriends are architects. In reality, the hours are long, the stress is extremely high, and pay is really poor for a skilled profession.Edit: I'm an interior designer, and it never stops surprising me that I make FAR more money than architects, with far less training." – RandomRavenclaw87

"There's a great essay that's titled something along the lines of 'the best time to be an architect is at a cocktail party.' I'm lucky. I genuinely love architecture and design and didn't really mind the killer hours and stupid tests when I was younger, and I have mostly worked for firms that ask me do quality work most of the time. But man oh man do the general public have no idea how cutthroat and fragmented the business side of it is." – Bulloak

Humanitarian Work

Angelina Jolie Love GIFGiphy

"People imagine you selflessly save starving babies. In reality it's a commute to a desk job and staring at a computer all day." – DJRoone

The Film Industry

the disaster artist filmmaking GIF by A24Giphy

"I'm currently on a show I love with people I love and it's the weirdest mix of dream job and ruining my life. I get to make incredible things but the deadlines are unreasonable, I haven't had a weekend in months and neither have my coworkers. I feel like I'm in a suicide cult where we are all too afraid to let each other down, meanwhile we are just lining the pockets of the CEO of Netflix." – jerisad

"Other people: "Do you ever get to meet {insert famous performer} ?

Me: "Sadly, yes." – Wuz314159

Lawyer

Harvey Specter suits GIF

Giphy

"Working as a lawyer isn't anything like on TV." – Grapezard

"I'm a lawyer and most of my friends are lawyers and I know very, very few who enjoy their jobs. The disconnect between what people think lawyers do and what lawyering is actually like on a day to day basis is massive." – _Doctor_Teeth_

Chef

Happy GIFGiphy

"It's not all creativity and celebrity. It's almost entirely grunt work, danger, injury, and long hours resulting in missed time with family." – tamiraisredditing

Fashion

That Is All Meryl Streep GIFGiphy

"People have big dreams, but most people end up working positions similar to quality control assistant at a random industrial uniform company rather than a designer at Forever 21, let alone Dior. Reality is quite brutal. Even if you do make it into the mainstream side of things, be prepared for all the negative stereotypes. It's pretty much true that it's filled with toxic, judgmental, superficial people who are also kinda racist…And those ethically sourced, made by women in developing countries, feel good brands? You'll be shocked by how morally questionable it gets behind the scenes.I left the industry kind of by accident due to life circumstances, but I always knew I was never going to be happy in that environment. Nor would I have made as much money or have any semblance of a work life balance." – lithelylove

Librarian

DC comics television GIF

Giphy

"It's not quiet, we don't read all day, we clean up our fair share of bodily fluids, plunge many toilets, and interact with homeless/mentally ill patrons fairly regularly depending on our location. Sure a bulk of our job is recommending books to readers and coming up with fun programs, but sometimes I feel like a community secretary…Or a social worker, which I did not sign up for. I love my job, but it is absolutely exhausting and gross and stressful and scary sometimes." – _s_p_q_r

Writer

flying kiss misery GIFGiphy

"You picture yourself at a typewriter in a cabin by a lake, crackling fire in the fireplace, a golden retriever asleep at your feet and a glass of lagavulin in your hand dreaming up the next great American novel. Contrast that to reality where the writing jobs that actually pay the bills usually involve long nights and weekends sitting in a cube farm writing the instructions that come with a toaster that nobody will ever read." – capn_gingerbeard

Airline Pilot

This looks a little too bright catch me if you can GIF

Giphy

"People think you are like Leonardo Dicaprio in Catch Me if You Can; swaggering through the airport, wearing sunglasses, surrounded by hot flight attendants. In reality, we're like glorified bus drivers whose job is 1% excitement and 99% absolute boredom just sitting in a cockpit waiting for life to pass by." – Essex1820

By this point, you might be wondering, IS there a job that's as romantic as it sounds? One user provided a humorous answer:

"IT is exactly as romantic as it sounds. It really is a bunch of nerdy guys in a basement spending most of the day on Reddit and acting like we're swamped with work."

And a delivery driver came in to offer the thread a different perspective:

"I work at a Dominos delivering pizza and everybody acts as if it is the most embarrassing job but I love it! I basically get paid 20 bucks an hour on average… and honestly I like it a lot more than my graphic design job."

Though maybe no job is as glamorous as it looks on paper, hopefully we can all find that sweet spot where even the less-than-ideal working conditions are still workable.


This article originally appeared on 11.24.21

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Danes have the best work-life balance in the world thanks to these 3 important beliefs.

Maybe the rest of us could learn from them.


By the end of her first week living in Denmark, Helen Russell was worried about her husband's brand-new job.

She explained in an article she wrote for Stylist that she was sure Lego had fired him already because he kept coming home early.

Originally from the U.K., Russell was used to her home country's work customs, where late nights and long hours were worn as a badge of honor. She felt surprised and embarrassed when her husband first came home from work in the early afternoon — she'd hardly started her own day of freelance writing.

The trend continued, she said, and by Friday, her husband was strolling through the door as early as 2:30 p.m. But it wasn't a reflection of his work ethic. It turns out, in Denmark, working fewer hours is ... just what people do.

Photo by Jonathan Nackstrand/AFP/Getty Images.

This healthy work-life balance is such a crucial part of Danish culture that they even boast about it on the country's official website.

It's a major point of pride for Denmark, which has a reputation for being the happiest country in the world. The government encourages a 37-hour workweek, a designated lunch break, a minimum five weeks of paid vacation, extended and paid parental leave, and flexible schedules with the option to work from home as well as incentives for child care. On average, Danes spend less than one-third of their time working — and yet, they're still more productive than most of the European Union or the United States.

You might be thinking, "What's the catch?" But the truth is that Danish values and national attitudes are behind the country's commitment to work-life balance.

Photo by Jon Olav Nesvold/AFP/Getty Images.

1. Workers in Denmark are trusted to deliver on whatever their job is.

Photo by Jonathan Nackstrand/AFP/Getty Images.

By and large, people want to work. They want to do a good job. But many people wrongly assume that others are inherently lazy, that work is a reflection of our moral values, and that time equals productivity. (But, in fact, a lot of jobs that exist today aren't even measurably productive.)

So what if, instead of finding ways to pass the time until the clock hits 5 p.m., we just did what we had to do for work and then called it a day? What if you were actually empowered to take personal responsibility into your own hands rather than relying on the threats of a manager lurking in the corner making sure you put in the physical time at a desk?

That's what Denmark does. As Russell writes that one of her Danish friends explained to her, "Come Cinderella hour — home time — everyone from the receptionist to the CEO goes. We're trusted to do a good job; do our work; then leave." Maybe that's how they get so much stuff done?

2. Family is obviously important, but in Danish culture, people are actually encouraged to value their families — and everyone else respects it.

Photo by Jonathan Nackstrand/AFP/Getty Images.


According to Russell's experience, it's totally normal for people in Denmark to list their child care pickups and other family business in their digital calendars for others to see. There shouldn't be any shame in prioritizing family. (And if you don't have a family? You deserve the same freedom.) Also in Denmark, child care is tax-deductible, and the state provides maid services and pensions for the elderly.

This emphasis on family extends to the country's educational approach as well. Rather than using an exam-based schooling system, Denmark is "hugely child-centered and this leads to well-rounded and enthusiastic children," according to teacher Stephanie Lambert, another transplant from Britain.

The country's focus on fewer working hours frees up educators to invest in the personalized needs of students as individuals rather than stressing about uniform success. And as a result, Danish children have these same values instilled in them from a young age. It's ingrained in them by the time they join the workforce, and they'll pass these same values down.

3. Danes also recognize work and play shouldn't be at odds with one another. Everyone benefits from a little R and R — workers and bosses.

Photo by William West/AFP/Getty Images.

More work means more stress, which means more health problems and less getting done. Maybe that's one reason why the Danes spend so much less on health care?

Studies have shown vacations make our brains more creative, which is why vacation days should not be treated as some rare commodity, hoarded like gold for some far-future payoff, or used to cover for other personal matters. People in Denmark receive a minimum five weeks of paid vacation time, and they actually use it — without any fear of shame or social stigma.

It's a simple truth that many Danes recognize, from day laborers to high-end executives: Happier workers are better workers. "We think everyone has a right to be respected, from a CEO to a janitor," Danish psychotherapist Iben Sandahl told The Local. "We try to teach our children to focus on the good in themselves and others rather than on status or labels."

Denmark's model of work-life balance is proof that time is not the same as productivity, and treating people well is actually better for everyone.


Granted, there are some people who think the Danish secret to happiness is actually just lowered expectations. Yet, being humble, realistic, and appreciative isn't such a bad thing.

Either way, the Danes have proven a healthy moderation of labor and leisure is not only possible, but it's measurably preferable to forcing people to live to work and work themselves to death. Maybe it's time the rest of us followed their example.


This article originally appeared on November 23, 2016





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