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Swim coach's reaction when toddler tries to kiss him is a masterclass in teaching boundaries

People are impressed with how expertly and professionally he handled it.

Representative photo credit: Canva

It takes a village, as they say.

People who work with children—teachers, coaches, mentors—are often beloved by the kids they serve, especially if they're good at what they do. Those caring adult relationships are important in a child's life, but they can also lead to some awkward situations as kids learn appropriate ways to show affection to different people. A baby might cover their mother's face with slobbery kisses, but other adults may not appreciate that very much. As kids grow, they learn what's okay and not okay, not just from their parents but from the village of adults in their lives as well.

A perfect example of what that looks like was shared in a video showing a swim instructor at the end of a swim lesson with a toddler who hugged him and then went in for a kiss. The hug was expected and welcome—"Thank you, Mila. I love Mila hugs!" the swim coach said. But when she started to go in for a kiss, he immediately pulled back, gently saying, "No, no kissy. No kissy 'cause I'm coach. You only kiss Mommy and Daddy, okay?"

The little girl looked a bit dejected and started to cry, and he quickly gave her an acceptable alternative. "Okay, hey! High five!" he said, while holding up his hand. "High five 'cause we're all done!" She calmed right down, gave him a high five, and then he moved on to clean-up time.

Watch:

His expression at the end of the video says it all—he knew that was a teachable moment that could have gone very wrong, but he handled it with clear professionalism and toddler-friendly expertise. People loved seeing such a great example:

"So sweet... I sometimes have young clients who want to give kisses and it's so cute but you do have to tell them "no" because it's an important boundary to learn. Not everyone wants kisses!"

"On top of knowing not to do it to other people, it also teaches them for themselves that other people shouldn’t be just giving them kisses."

"The kid is absolutely adorable but that coach is on another level. Creating the boundaries while keeping it cool and recording the whole thing so the parents are extremely comfortable. Dude is setting a hell of example."

"It sounds like he's got a good balance between encouraging her growth and setting appropriate boundaries. Kids can be incredibly affectionate, and it's important to gently guide them in understanding what's suitable."

boundaries, gif, new girl, setting boundaries, kids, adultsJake Johnson Fox GIF by New GirlGiphy

"I also think it’s important for the parents’ comfort that a grown man swimming with their young girl isn’t overstepping boundaries/being predatory. From the outside looking in, it’s hard to know for sure when something is innocent or not. It’s better to just stay away from those situations as a whole."

"The little girls I used to babysit always tried to give me kisses (they were between 2-5) and I had to tell them that I’m not related to you, so you can’t kiss me. You can hi-five or hug me, but no kisses! They still give me running tackle hugs when they see me!"

A few commenters pointed out that some cultures see kissing as totally acceptable, as it's frequently used as a friendly greeting for people of all ages and genders. But even in those cultures, boundaries based on relationships and contexts are important to learn, and it's helpful when adults help teach those lessons so it doesn't all fall on the parents.

In an article titled "Teaching Kids About Boundaries: Why empathy and self awareness play a major role," Child Mind Institute includes a helpful video about teaching boundaries to children, and it confirms that the coach handled things in exactly the right way. In a section entitled "Rules work both ways," the institute notes that when people model their boundaries, it's important for children to empathetically listen. "People are in charge of their own bodies," writes Rae Jacobson, author of the article and senior editor at the Child Mind Institute, "and it's not okay to touch them if they don't want you to, just like it's not okay for someone to touch [you] in a way you don't like." By calmly modeling his boundaries, the swim coach gave his young swimmer a gentle but clear message about what was and was not okay and embodied both empathy and autonomy for her in a way she can understand and mirror when she's older.

- YouTubeyoutu.be

Well done, Coach. Thanks for giving us all such a fabulous example to follow.

This article originally appeared in January. It has been updated.

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Education

High school teacher quits her job because 'technology is ruining education'

“We’ve got to start getting rid of the technology and bringing back the things that worked.”

via Canva/Photos

A stressed teacher and student looking at her phone.

Last year, the National Center for Education Statistics published a disturbing study that found that the number of Americans with the lowest measured literacy levels increased substantially between 2017 and 2023. In 2017, 19% of U.S. adults ranked at the lowest levels of literacy, and that number increased to 28% in 2023.

“It is larger than what we would normally see in an international assessment, particularly literacy, which is a fairly stable construct,” NCES Commissioner Peggy Carr said. She added that low literacy levels don’t mean someone is illiterate, but cannot read and write at a level to handle basic living and workplace tasks. When pressed for an answer to the literacy decline in America, she said, “It is difficult to say.”

Why are teachers leaving education?

Hannah Maria, an outgoing 10th-grade English teacher, went viral recently for a nine-minute video in which she described the reason why she thinks there has been a big decline in literacy in the U.S.: technology. The problem has become so bad that it was a major reason why she decided to leave the profession.

"Technology is directly contributing to the literacy decrease we are seeing in this country right now. A lot of these kids don't know how to read because they have had things read to them, or they can click a button and have something read out loud to them,” Maria said. “Their attention spans are weaning because everything is high-stimulation, and they can just scroll [away from something] in less than a minute. They can’t sit still for very long.”

Her students no longer care about watching movies in class; they just stare at their phones. Maria can count on her hands the number of kids in her three classes who actually pay attention to the film on movie day. This lack of attention span and disinterest in learning literacy skills makes it a chore to ask them to write anything by hand. "It's disheartening because if I ask a child to handwrite something, even just a paragraph, five sentences, a basic paragraph, they roll their eyes, throw tantrums. ...they get really unruly,” she lamented.

smartphone, student, student cellphone, desk, classroom, staring at phoneA child staring at his phone in the classroom.via Canva/Photos

Maria says students' disinterest in literacy skills has led them to stop caring about America's foundational documents. That’s a big problem in a democracy that requires a well-informed electorate.

The former teacher suggests that kids should be cut off from technology until they reach college to reverse this trend. "Call me old-fashioned, but we're at the point where I really don't have a lot of faith in some of these kids that I teach. That doesn't go for all," she says, noting she'd had "several" students who have bright futures and want to succeed.

smartphone, student, young woman, backback, hallwayA distressed student with a smartphone sits in the hallway. via Canva/Photos

However, she doesn’t hold her students 100% accountable for the trend. "The older generations have failed them because they haven't emphasized enough that learning how to read and write and use basic mathematical skills is important. These kids just have these devices in their hands that they think will get them through the rest of their life,” she said. “We’ve got to start getting rid of the technology and bringing back the things that worked.”

Ultimately, her students’ attitudes have led Maria to find a new career. She says the biggest reason she’s leaving education is the pay, but if the experience with the students was better, she could have "toughed it out."

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6th-grade teacher resigns rather than remove absolutely harmless sign from her classroom

Then she shared her blistering resignation letter with her local paper.

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A teacher was told to remove a sign that read "Everyone Is Welcome Here." She refused.

That's it. We've finally had enough in this country. In a move that's long overdue, we're finally cracking down on... *checks notes*...basic human kindness?

The orders have come straight from the top. Being nice to people who are different than you is now bad. Creating environments that are welcoming and inclusive of everyone? Also bad. What's most disturbing is just how far these mandates are trickling down—all the way into our schools.

A 6th grade teacher in Idaho was recently told by school administrators to remove a controversial sign from her classroom. She refused.

Earlier this spring, world civilization teacher Sarah Inama at Lewis and Clark Middle School was told that one of the posters in her class was inappropriate. The school asked her to remove it.

Initially, she complied, but upon reflection and discussion with her husband, decided that it didn't feel right. She needed to take a stand. So Inama put the poster back up and left it visible for all to see, even after administrators warned her she could lose her job over the noncompliance.

Finally, among growing outcry and threats of termination, Inama decided to resign rather than remove the poster. She bravely decided to stick up for her controversial beliefs, even though she knew her personal opinion may not be popular.

Just wait until you see the outrageous sign. Here it is:

Seriously, that's it. The sign reads "Everyone Is Welcome Here" and shows hands of different colors. This is the poster that was deemed not appropriate for the public school environment.

The district’s chief academic officer Marcus Myers clarified that, "The political environment ebbs and flows, and what might be controversial now might not have been controversial three, six, nine months ago."

Inama's sign was said to have violated the school's "content neutral" policy, which prohibits any speech or messaging that might reflect personal opinions, religious beliefs, or political ideologies.

What's hard to believe is that a sign meant to show kids that they are welcome in Inama's classroom somehow reflects a "personal belief" that the school won't tolerate. The sign made no mention of religion or LGBTQ+ identities or political ideologies; and it was still deemed too woke. That's extremely frightening.

Inama received an outpouring of support from the community, but it wasn't enough to change the district's mind. After her resignation, she didn't hold back, sharing her resignation letter with local news.

“This will be my last year teaching in the West Ada School District, and it saddens me to leave under these circumstances,” Inama's letter begins.

“I cannot align myself nor be complicit with the exclusionary views and decisions of the administration. It is deeply troubling that the people running this district and school have allowed a welcoming and inclusive message for my students to be considered controversial, political, and, worst of all, an opinion.”

"I hope for the sake of the students in your district that you can remember the core values of public education," she concludes. "To serve all citizens, foster an inclusive and safe learning environment, and protect your staff and students from discriminatory behavior."

The war on "DEI" (Diversity Equity and Inclusion) has gone way too far when it's not OK to tell kids of different skin colors that they are welcome and safe in a classroom. And now, the education system has lost a talented and passionate teacher because of it. But at least Inama hasn't gone quietly, and with millions of outraged supporters all over the country and now world, we probably haven't heard the last of this case.

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Education

Retired teacher shares the biggest parenting mistake she saw throughout her career

A lot of parents are missing a very important point.

via Canva/Photos

A child who disagrees with her mother.

If an elementary school teacher starts their job right after finishing college and then works until they are 65, they’ll probably teach over 1200 students and interact with around 2,000 parents. That type of experience, paired with a great understanding of children, gives teachers incredible knowledge about what makes a great parent.

That experience can also help people understand where many parents need help these days. Elena Nicolaou, senior editor for “The Today Show,” asked her mother, a retired elementary school teacher, to share the most significant parenting mistake she had seen throughout her career, and it’s disappointing to hear. “They didn’t enjoy them,” she said. “Kids are fun. You’ve got to enjoy them. They wanted them to be something that — most of us aren’t exactly what other people want us to be — so enjoy the kid you have.”

“I enjoyed you,” the retired teacher said while looking at her daughter.

@elenanico22

Lisa says it like it is #momlife #momsoftiktok #momwisdom #momtok #momhumor #parenting #parentingwisdom

What’s one of the biggest mistakes parents make today?

The teacher’s advice reminds parents everywhere to see their children for who they are, not who they want them to be. Because there’s nothing worse in this world than being a square peg that our parents are trying to squeeze into a round hole. You may want your child to excel in sports, but maybe they are happiest and most successful in theater. You may push your child to be in beauty pageants when they want to play music. You may want your child to be stoic when they are really sensitive and artistic.

The teacher’s advice suggests that parents should help their children become their best rather than shaping them into something that conflicts with their inner nature.

parenting, parenting advice, good parentsA father listening to his son.via Canva/Photos

What is the problem with strict parenting?

The retired teacher shared what happens when parents push their children too far by using the example of a famous person at the school where she taught. “There was one very famous parent who, unfortunately, is sort of still involved now in politics,” the teacher said. “But he was a doctor then, and he was very strict about what his kids could eat. Like, super strict. So, of course, what did the kids want? Everything they couldn't have.”

There’s a reason why kids who have overly strict parents often rebel against how they were raised, whether it’s in a repressive household where they aren’t allowed to watch cartoons or a health-obsessed home where they couldn’t enjoy the occasional cookie. It’s a psychological phenomenon called “reactence.” When people feel their freedom is being threatened, they will become motivated to do the opposite of what they feel pressured to do. This can also be a problem when children are pushed to be something they are not.

“I call it the picture frame parent. As long as the kid looks like the perfect kid in a frame on their desk and the kid doesn’t mess up big enough to break that image, it’s all good,” one commenter wrote. “Toddler teacher. Same. So heartbreaking. I saw it a lot when I worked with highly educated parents with high incomes,” another added.

A great carpenter cuts with the grain just as a seasoned sailor adjusts to the wind and a master chef seasons according to taste, not just the recipe. So, according to this retired teacher, a good parent sees their child for who they are and tries to develop them into being the best version of themselves instead of pushing them to be someone they are not.

This article originally appeared in January

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