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Stop struggling with small talk by using the simple 'FORD method'

This'll make your next party a lot easier.

via Gary Barnes/Pexels

Using the FORD method to make small talk.

There are many reasons why people are nervous about entering social situations where they have to make small talk, such as a work event, a party where they don’t know many people, or at school.

Some people don’t enjoy small talk because they get frustrated talking about seemingly unimportant topics. At the same time, others are shy and afraid they’ll say the wrong thing or run out of topics of conversation.

Psychologists suggest those who are uncomfortable knowing what to say should use the FORD method. It’s an acronym that’s an easy way to remember four different topics of conversation that work with just about anyone.

According to Nicole Arzt, M.S., L.M.F.T at Social Self, FORD stands for Family, Occupation, Recreation and Dreams.

Family

Just about everyone has a family, so it’s a great way to ask someone to share some information about their personal lives without being too forward. Arzt suggests the following questions when making small talk:

Do you have any siblings?

How did you two meet? (if you are meeting a couple for the first time)

How old is your child?

How is your____ (sister, brother, mother, etc.) doing since ____ (event that happened?)

Occupation

Just like a family, almost everyone has a job. Or, if they do not, that can be an interesting topic as well. Here are some starter questions you can ask someone about their job.

What do you do for a living?

How do you like working at _____?

What’s your favorite part of your job?

What made you interested in becoming a _____?

Recreation

You can learn a lot about a person after knowing how they spend their free time. It’s also an excellent way to determine if someone is like-minded and shares the same interests. Here are some questions to get the ball rolling:

What do you like to do for fun?

Have you watched (or read) ______(popular show/book)?

What are you up to this weekend?

Dreams

Learning someone’s hope for the future can tell you much about who they are on a deeper level. They may have just told you about their current job or how they spend their time. But, ultimately, what do they wish to do with their lives? Here’s how to ask someone about their dreams.

Where do you hope to be working in the next few years?

Where would you like to travel?

What’s something you’d like to try in the future?

Would you ever consider trying _____ (particular hobby or activity)?

Arzt also notes that you shouldn’t just be an interviewer. You have to talk about yourself, too. In other words, you need a mutual take-and-give. “Pay attention to someone else's answers and think about how you can draw from your own experience to connect," she wrote.

Not sure how much to say during a conversation? Follow the 43:57 rule. A numbers guy at Gong.io analyzed over 25,000 sales calls with AI and found the perfect speaking-to-listening ratio. Sales soared when the salesperson talked 43% of the time and listened for 57%.

Even though this insight is from business calls, it applies to everyday social interactions. It's really about listening and making the other person feel special. After all, who doesn't love feeling heard and appreciated?


This article originally appeared on 10.20.23

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Education

Communications expert shares the 3 common phrases you may be using that come off as rude

Etiquette changes over time.

via Resume Genius

Coworkers having a communications problem.

It’s interesting how the little things we say in our day-to-day conversations can sometimes seem harsh, even without us meaning to be. Sometimes, even when trying to be friendly, we can say the wrong thing and come off as passive-aggressive or condescending.

John Bowe, a speech trainer, award-winning journalist, and author of “I Have Something to Say: Mastering the Art of Public Speaking in an Age of Disconnection,” recently wrote an article for CNBC on commonly heard phrases, especially in the professional world, that can unintentionally make us come off as rude or condescending.

Here are 3 of those phrases people commonly use that may be considered rude.

1. “Do you want to ...?”

“This phrase is great when you’re offering someone a choice (“Do you want to go to lunch with me?”). But as a way of delivering orders (“Do you want to take out the trash?”), its indirect fake-politeness comes across as belittling,” Bowe told CNBC.

He adds that it is more polite to state your request “directly.” If your spouse asked you to take out the trash, how would you like to be told?

“Will you do me a favor and take out the trash when you have a second?”

Or:

“Do you want to take out the trash?”

2. “Here’s the thing ...”

“This phrase insists that whatever follows will be the final, authoritative take on the subject at hand. Even when used inadvertently, it can sound a bit self-important. Truly authoritative people don’t tend to waste time on throat-clearing statements,” Bowe told CNBC.

When people give their opinion by starting with, “Here’s the thing…” they are making a declarative statement that what they have to say is the objective truth. When, in reality, they are probably just sharing an opinion. By making a declarative statement, they are pumping themselves up while also diminishing the opinions of others.

As Chris Illuminati humorously points out in Brobible, there is “no specific thing.” People say “Here’s the thing” to introduce a fact or observation, but the phrase serves no purpose. One could easily lead with the fact or observation without the unnecessary puffery.

3. “Obviously ...”

“This word subtly or not-so-subtly conveys that anyone disagreeing with the speaker is wrong. Even if you don’t realize it, using it can make you seem arrogant,” Bowe writes.

Dianna Booher, founder and CEO of Dallas-based communication firm Booher Research Institute, agrees. “It sounds as though the writer is pointing out that the information that follows should be obvious, but you, the reader, are not smart enough to grasp it,” Booher tells Monster.

Sometimes, it can be hard to know how we are coming off to other people. The best way to find out if we're being rude, arrogant, or belittling is to put ourselves in other people’s shoes and ask ourselves, “How would I feel if someone spoke to me that way?” It’s also good to record ourselves in meetings or on the phone from time to time to make sure that we are communicating as effectively and politely as we can.

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