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People who are 'good at flirting' are sharing the clues that tell if someone likes you

Here are 15 great tips.

Man smiling behind heart hands
via Pexels

Are they flirting with me or just being nice?

Most of the time it’s tough to know if someone is flirting with you because they have to be subtle. They can’t be too obvious because if the feeling isn’t mutual it can be pretty embarrassing. It’s also tough to detect if someone is flirting because most of the time it’s someone you don’t know very well. Do they like me or are they normally friendly?

It hurts to imagine the number of times we’ve all missed signals that someone was interested in us and a potentially wonderful romance never happened. However, studies show that it happens more often than not.

A study on heterosexuals published in Psychology Today found that women were only 18% accurate in recognizing men’s flirting, while 36% of men were accurate about women's flirting. However, we’re really good at knowing when people aren’t flirting with us.

In the same study, women were 83% accurate in seeing friendliness as just friendliness, and men performed about the same at 84% accuracy.

Jeffery Hall, an assistant professor of communication studies at the University of Kansas in Lawrence, says there are five main styles of flirting: physical, traditional, polite, sincere, and playful.

Physical flirting involves “communicating sexual interest” to a potential partner. Traditional flirting is a tactic primarily used by introverts, where men tend to take the lead and women assume a passive role. Polite flirting involves the use of “proper manners” and is a cautious way of showing you like someone.

Sincere flirting involves telling the person you’re interested, and playful flirts like joking around but their efforts rarely turn into substantial relationships.

A Reddit user, who has since deleted their profile, asked a great question on the AskReddit subforum that should be a big help to those who have a hard time spotting flirtation. They asked, "People who are good at flirting, what are some social cues us oblivious people should watch out for?"

A large number of people who responded to the thread gave practical advice on the behaviors that are a giveaway that someone is flirting. The most popular responses are eye contact and laughing at your jokes, even if they aren’t funny.

Here are 15 of our favorite social cues that show someone is interested.

1. The dance of plausible deniability.

"Everyone is giving good advice, but flirting didn't click for me until i heard it described not as a set of behaviors to look out for, but as an escalation of suggestive behaviors couched in plausible deniability.

"Put practically, if someone is doing something to engage you that feels extra (lots of touching, looking at you in a way that feels a bit to long, or doing a lot of poking fun and complimenting you), then that might be flirting or it might not. That's the whole point. Plausible deniability. They can safely disengage at any time.

"If you want to know if someone's flirting, you need to test it. You do that by escalating things, but just a bit, so that now you have plausible deniability (touch them back in a comfortable way, maintain eye contact, or joke-compliment them back). If they escalate back and continue to do so as you escalate in turn, that is flirting. Eventually one of you will break cover and do something with clear intent (a kiss, an approach + ask for a number, or straight up telling them what you think of them and that you're interested). Otherwise, if you escalate and they don't change their behavior or they back off, then they were probably just being friendly and you should take the hint and do the same.

"Dunno if that's something obvious to people, but it was definitely not for me, and college parties would have been way less fun had i not known. Hopefully this can help someone else too :)" – three_furballs

2. Give 'em a chance to be alone.

"If you're in a group of friends (new or old), find a natural opportunity to hang back. Someone who's interested in you will notice and take the opportunity to talk to you in private. Now this isn't full [fool] proof but it'll at least give you the opportunity to feel for any chemistry between you." – Kagamid

3. Conversation should be two-sided.

"Be wary of a one-sided conversation. If your responses are met with mostly "yeps" and "uh huh" and nothing without meat, its probably not going well." – ViciousKnids

4. Ignoring their friend.

"If they look directly at you while talking to their friend it's a good sign." – yassis_bru

5. The reaction shot.

"I read once that if someone looks at you after someone (doesn't have to be you) said something funny and everyone is laughing, they like you. From personal experience, it's true." – luv_sicK

6. Lots of eye contact.

"They make a lot of eye contact. They are interested in what you have to say and ask you lots of questions. They laugh at your jokes, even the lame ones. They initiate physical contact. They try to find space where you can talk more privately (this does not always mean sex but it often means they wish for more quality time with you)." – TheSurfingRaichu

7. Trust then test.

"In my experience, almost everyone can get a sense that someone is into them, but most people second guess themselves until they convince themselves it's nothing. I say trust that sense. It's based off all of these factors that we pick up consciously and subconsciously, and almost always it's not a coincidence.

"When you think someone likes you, you can test that theory in a few ways. A subtle but effective example is inviting them to something you know they can't or don't want to attend. If they express interest in rescheduling or finding some other way to spend time with you, they like you. Otherwise they'll just say no, sorry I can't make it ... Of course, you could also just ask. In my experience anyone worth getting intimate with is mature enough to deal with that question." – MildlyWyld

8. Mirroring.

"Does their body turn toward you or away from you when you talk? Do they mirror your body language?" – Perfect_Draw516

9. They touch you.

"Physical contact. Granted, not everyone flirts the same way but a good sign is if they touch your arm (or the like) or you find them smiling the whole time that you’re talking to them." – Cosmic_Marman

10. Special eye contact.

"When you're in a public space, the direct eye contact (for a beat or two too long) and the look away. One of my go-to moves that always yielded results." – LuLu42

11. Bad jokes.

"Seriously tell a bad joke - look for laughter and smiles that should not be there but are. Then it’s you they are into, definitely not what you said." – YukonBrawler

12. Facial gestures.

"According to Sherlock: licking lips, eyes cast down towards the other persons lips, quirky smile of the lips, dilated eyes. And if the person has long hair, tucking it behind their ear or other fidgety behavior." – fandomfangirl1

13. Mimicking body language.

"In the case of someone who likes you, while interacting, watch for repetitious patterns and mimic their body language. Eventually, if you cross your arms and the person whose attention you are seeking does the same, for example, you can rely on that being a good sign." – flungkle

14. Little adjustment.

"I've noticed that women will do a little adjustment to you, like brushing off a little piece of lint off your lapel or moving a stray hair off your face while talking to you. At least they did back in my rogue days." – robfrankel1

15. Take your shot.

"If you're at a bar and a woman makes eye contact for more than a second without looking away, shoot your shot." – sle7in360

There you have it! If you're picking up any of these signs, it might mean you can go ahead and shoot your shot (respectfully!). Good luck out there!

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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The 4 words that can keep conversation flowing forever, even between socially awkward people

You can keep seamlessly transitioning to more interesting topics.

via Canva/Photos

A couple talking over coffee.

Many people find making small talk to be an excruciating experience. They think it’s boring to talk with a stranger about the weather, sports, or weekend plans. They may also feel like they don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation, or they don’t understand the point of having one in the first place.

However, those who excel at making small talk have a tremendous advantage in their professional and romantic relationships, as well as in forming new friendships. Most importantly, small talk is a window to transition into medium talk or, eventually, deep, meaningful conversations. The problem is that many people get stuck in small talk, and things stall before progressing to something beneficial.

 conversation, small talk, conversation tips, communications tips, medium talk, reminder A man and woman chatting.via Canva/Photos

How to get better at small talk

The great thing is that, like anything, making small talk is a skill that we can all improve by learning some simple conversation techniques. One technique that is great for keeping a conversation going, like hitting a ball back and forth past a net in tennis, is a simple statement: It reminds me of…”

A redditor named IsaihLikesToConnect shared some great examples of how the phrase can be used to turn a mundane topic, such as the weather, into something much more fun.

Them: "It's been really rainy, huh?"

You:

Option 1 (Personal Story): "Yeah, it reminds me of a time I went on a run in the rain and nearly got hit by a car."

Option 2 (Music / Pop Culture): "It reminds me of every Adele song. When I'm driving, I feel like I'm in a music video."

Option 3 (Family): "It reminds me of my dad, he used to love playing with us in the rain as kids."

Option 4 (Thing you watched / World News): "It reminds me of this documentary I saw where they're trying to make it rain in the Sahara Desert.”

Option 5 (Place you lived): “It reminds me of when I lived in Australia, it barely ever rained there. I actually love this weather.”


 conversation, small talk, conversation tips, communications tips, medium talk, reminder Coworkers having a conversation.via Canva/Photos

You see in this example that using “It reminds me of…” opened up the conversation to five potential new and more exciting topics. The “You” in the story could have responded with, “Yeah, it sure is rainy,” and the conversation would have ended right there. But instead, branching off the topic of rain into something a bit deeper took the conversation to the next level. You get extra points if you can take the “reminds me of” into a topic that you assume the other person will be interested in.

 conversation, small talk, conversation tips, communications tips, medium talk, reminder Coworkers having a conversation.via Canva/Photos

What’s a polite way to change the topic in a conversation?

Using “this reminds me of…” is also a polite way to move the topics in another direction, especially when it's a topic that you don’t want to discuss or one that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. Or, if it’s a situation where the other person is monologing on one topic for a very long time, this makes it easy to transition away from their diatribe.

Ultimately, the phrase is an excellent way for you to save the person you’re talking to from being stuck in the small talk rut as well. It shows you understand that when someone brings up the weather, they are merely getting things started with something both of you have in common. They probably don’t want to talk about the weather for 30 minutes, unless they are a meteorologist. “It reminds me of…” is an invitation to go a bit deeper and shows the other person that you’d like to learn more about them.

This article originally appeared in April.

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The Cranberries' Dolores O'Riordan sang 'so very Irish' Fleetwood Mac cover people adore

"Her voice is unmistakable."

Warner Bros. Records (left) Bart Notermans (right)

Truly a once in a lifetime talent.

When we think of badass, alt rock icons of the 90s, few are as singular and unique as Dolores O’Riordan, who gave The Cranberries its signature sound, and who was once described as having "the voice of a saint trapped in a glass harp.”

It wasn’t just that O’Riordan flawlessly blended traditional Celtic singing techniques like lilting and keening into rock music (which in itself is an amazing feat) but that her performances never compromised emotional authenticity for the sake of aesthetics. The result, as any fan will tell you, was something both ethereal and raw all at the same time.

 the cranberries linger song Dolores O'Riordan had a singularly unique voice  Giphy  

So it should probably be of no surprise that in this resurfaced clip, presumably from the late 90s, O’Riordan’s stunning cover of Fleetwood Mac’s “Go Your Own Way” is every bit as magical. As @oldmansrock, the account that posted the video, wrote, “the way that Dolores could challenge the pitch but still stay on key, that is the mark of an accomplished singer. It sounds dissonant compared to the manufactured material of today, where every tone is perfect, but hers is oh so human, and so very Irish! It is beautiful!”

But don’t just take their word for it. Watch:

 


If this had you wanting to pull up a Cranberries playlist on your Spotify to listen to for the rest of the day, you're not alone. Down in the comments, the renewed love for O’Riordan was palpable.

“What sits deep with me is that no one sounds like her. Her voice is unmistakable. Whatever her take on a song/lyric? It was authentically, soul-touching Dolores.

“She was unbelievably talented and the cranberries are criminally underrated.”

“Her Irish vocal sweep ups are amazing.”

 ireland, irish, irish flag, shamrock The Cranberries hailed from Limerick, Ireland.  Giphy GIF by Curtains Cool 

“She was just brilliant!!! Incredibly talented as well as a lovely and kind human being. I love and miss her. I don't know how anyone can have a bad word to say about this. I thought it was brilliant, both her live cover and studio cover. I wish people weren't so stubborn. I can accept covers no problem if the singer is talented enough, and she most certainly is. ❤️”

“A keening Irish queen. Her voice will always stir me.”

“An actual once in a generation talent.”

“Also a master of the microphone. She knows exactly where the sweet spot is for every note.”

“She could melt your heart with that voice, or completely blow you away. Missed dearly, but never forgotten. ❤️”

 the cranberries, dolores o'riordan, music, irish bands Dolores O'Riordan in 2007 upload.wikimedia.org  

This cover would go on to be a part to the Cranberries’ third album, To The Faithful Departed, which was released in 1996 and became the band’s highest-charting album on the US Billboard 200, and was praised for its darker tone as well as its themes of grief and loss.

After O’Riordan died from drowning due to alcohol intoxication in January 2018, the Cranberries would disband in 2019, but they released their final album, In the End, that year. It was comprised of some of O'Riordan's unfinished demo tapes.

While O’Riordan met the same tragic fate that befalls many artists, especially those in the music industry, her spirit lives on in her art. Because she put so much of herself into her craft, even bite-sized clips of her performances, many years later, inspire those who listen to it. That’s something worth celebrating.

By the way, you can catch a full video of the cover below.

  - YouTube  youtu.be  

 

This article originally appeared in February.

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Man's side-splitting monologue on why 'women don't want to date anymore' is eerily accurate

The women in the comments are convinced one of them snitched.

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A viral TikTok argues that women don't want to give up the joy of their own personal peace and freedom for anyone.

There's been a lot of discourse on the state of modern dating and a lot of theories on why it seems harder than ever for people to find connection with romantic partners. Could it be that the achievement and education gaps between men and women are altering the dynamics? Have social media and dating apps broken our brains and hearts? Do we all have unrealistic expectations and unlimited options, leading to never feeling satisfied with anything or anyone?

Those are all intriguing options, but an alternate theory has recently arisen that's quickly gaining steam: Maybe being single isn't as lonely as we think. Maybe being single is actually freaking awesome.

A guy on TikTok who goes by Get To the Point Bro shared a hilarious monologue on why women who have been single for a long time "don't want to date anymore." Women say he absolutely nailed it.

 the office, andy bernard, dating, relationships, dating advice, single, romance, love The Frenchman's monologue was absolutely spot on  Giphy  

At first, it might seem like he's poking fun, either at single women or at the men who can't seem to win them over. But not so! What he's done is perfectly captured the joy many people find in being single and, frankly, able to do whatever the hell they want.

"Some women have been single for so long they don't date anymore, they grant you access to their peaceful little empire like a reluctant queen handing you a visitor's badge," he says. "You text her good morning and she's already annoyed, like 'Why are you disturbing the sacred silence of my personal growth journey?'"

He goes on, "Bro she's been sleeping diagonally in her bed for three years, she's not giving up that territory because you opened the door and paid for coffee."

"You plan a cute date, she's thinking 'That sounds nice but also I could stay home, deep clean my apartment, do a 12 steps skincare routine, order sushi and not have to listen to a man breathe.'"

"You try to check in emotionally, 'How are you feeling?' She's feeling fantastic because you're not here."

"You're not competing with other guys. There are no other guys. You're competing with her weighted blanket, her peace, her cat named Chairman Meow, and the simple joy of not having to share her fries."

These are just a few of the best lines from the nearly 2-minute rant, all delivered in the most amazing French accent you can imagine. Please, enjoy:


@gettothepointbro

DATING A GIRL WHO IS USED TO BE ALONE CAN BE VERY HARD .

The best thing about the video is the discussion in the comments. Women want to know how this man got access to this top-secret information. The rant is so eerily, frighteningly accurate that women are convinced this French guy is living in their heads. That, or someone's secretly leaking intel.

"dammit. somebody call a meeting of the council. he knows too much."

"I dont often offer this compliment to the male species but you explained it better than I ever could."

"Alright, who’s told him this info??? So exposed right now"

"The joy of sleeping diagonally across my bed cannot be fully explained."

"This is the most accurate profiling I’ve ever heard. You absolutely ailed it."

Clearly, we've tapped into a real phenomenon here.

@gettothepointbro

CAN YOU RELATE LADIES ? THAT’S WHY WE LOVE YOU ❤️

The truth is that many people—both men and women—are disillusioned with the sad state of the dating scene these days. App burnout is a real thing, and meeting new people in real life is a ton of work. So, it's no surprise that more and more people are just choosing to stay single and enjoy all the perks that come along with it. This is a stark change, especially for women.

According to FiveThirtyEight, "Women were also more likely than men to say that they weren’t dating because they have other priorities right now." Priorities like travel, career, friendship, and even just self-care—all things that wind up taking a backseat when people get involved in relationships. It wasn't too long ago that women of a certain age that were still single were called "spinsters," but that word has lost a significant amount of power. This new generation of women aren't embarrassed or ashamed to be single; they're loving it for exactly all the reasons this video describes.

This article originally appeared in April.

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80-year-old has special, tearjerking message for under-appreciated stay-at-home moms

SAHMs need support and encouragement, and not just from each other.

Photo credit: Canva, @magicman1942/TikTok

Donal Schaefer's message is making so many SAHMS feel seen.

"Being a stay-at-home parent isn't a job! How hard is it to hang out with the baby all day?" Ever heard that one? Hopefully, you're hearing it less and less these days as people realize that "hanging out with the kids" is actually extremely difficult.

Stay-at-home moms work round the clock performing myriad duties, both physically and emotionally demanding, all for zero compensation. Not only does the job not pay (some studies show the value of the labor itself is worth nearly $160,000 per year), it doesn't usually come with a whole lot of respect or prestige. Even more dismaying than the lack of monetary gain is the lack of recognition these full-time moms get for what they accomplish day in and day out.

That’s where Donald Schaefer comes in. Schaefer, a man who seems to be upwards of 80 and living in Florida, is a bit of an unexpected influencer in the mom corner of social media.


 sahms, heartwarming, moms, parenthood, stay-at-home mom, motherhood, encouragement, parenting advice Stay-at-home moms trying to find a second to themselves to send an email. Giphy  

But nonetheless, his Instagram and TikTok are full of videos meant to offer financial tips, recipe ideas and emotional support specifically for this demographic. He helps stay-at-home moms work on side hustles and at-home businesses to supplement their income, you know, the one that they're not getting for all the hard work they're doing.

One video in particular is making stay-at-home moms, aka SAHMs, feel so seen.

In his “special message to stay-at-home moms,” Schaefer offers SAHMS the rare gift of being told what an “incredible job” they’re doing, saying that their “dedication, hard work and love are the cornerstones of your family’s well being.”

Watching his daughters and granddaughters with kids, Schaefer says that he’s “amazed” at what accomplished every day, and because of that, he was inspired to remind all SAHMS that “what you’re doing matters immensely.”

“Sometimes in the midst of the chaos of daily routines and endless chores it’s easy to forget how important your role is, but every meal cooked, every scraped knee kissed, every bedtime story read, it all adds up to shaping the future generation,” he said.

@magicman1942

Special message for the stay at home moms. #stayathomemom #personalgrowth #inspiration #stayathomemomstruggle #workingmom #personal

Schaefer went on to say that it’s “perfectly normal” to get overwhelmed or exhausted with all the responsibilities and isolation that come with the job. That’s what makes self care so necessary.

The isolation, in particular, can be a doozy. Many stay-at-home moms work incredibly hard to maintain a network of other parents with whom to plan play dates, lunches, and other social or kid-centric outings. Without just that little of bit of human connection, almost anyone would crumble to pieces.

“Whether it’s stealing a few moments for yourself during nap time, indulging in a hobby you love, or simply just taking a relaxing bath at the end of the day if you can find the time. Prioritize your well being,” he urged.

He then encouraged SAHMs to carve out moments to celebrate the small victories and appreciate the joys of motherhood, whether that looks like “a successful day of homeschooling” or “simply seeing your little one smile.”

Finally, Schaefer brought it all home by reiterating that even if it doesn't always feel like it, a SAHM’s value is “immeasurable.”

“Trust me. You are the heart and soul of your family and your efforts create a warm and nurturing environment where everyone can thrive. Keep shining your light and know that you are appreciated, loved and admired more than you’ll ever know. You’re doing an amazing job, and the world is a better place because of you,” he concluded.

Understandably, viewers were moved. Over a million people watched the video and hundreds chimed in with their appreciation for the message.


 sahms, heartwarming, moms, parenthood, stay-at-home mom, motherhood, encouragement, parenting advice Being a SAHM mom isn't all snuggles and kisses. But it's nice to remember to enjoy those moments when they do come.  Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash  

“Made me tear up!! What man takes the time to encourage moms? None I’ve known. Thank you,” one person wrote.

“This definitely made me cry,” another echoed. “Thank you for such kind words and taking the time to make this video. It touched my heart so much.”

One commented, “I’m not even a SAHM, and I still felt this! ALL moms can relate I think…thank you sir!”

And still, another simply wrote, “Needed this.”

Moms, and stay-at-home moms, are fierce about their community and support for one another. They're quick to lift each other up, lend a helping hand, and heap words of praise on one another. But sometimes they need encouragement from outside their little tribe.

In Schaefer, here's a guy who's been around for a long time and seen it all. In his 80-plus years of wisdom, it speaks volumes that his appreciation for the hard work and sacrifice of stay-at-home moms has only grown.

For every SAHM (or any stay-at-home parent, for that matter) may these kind words help bolster your spirit, and remind you that what you do is important indeed. You deserve that, and so much more. The good news is that the world at large is starting to realize it, too.

For more of Schaefer's content, find him on Instagram and TikTok.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Dad makes kids put down their phones then captures hilarious video of them 'playing' outside

No one has ever looked so sad on a swing.

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Two boys sitting on swings, with heads down, looking miserable.

These dang kids and their dang screens! I'm loathe to admit that I've had this thought a lot lately myself. When it comes to planning our kids' summer break, a part of my brain assumes they'll just want to play outside with their friends most of the day making up games, riding bikes, coming inside to grab popsicles. The stuff I did at their age. But in reality, it hasn't worked out like that. Most kids in the neighborhood are at camp or they're inside watching TV or playing video games.

When I try to encourage my kids to go outside more, I get a lot of grumbling and push back. Is it possible this generation has just...forgotten how to play? Are the phones and tablets to blame for this strange phenomenon? One dad recently had the brilliant idea to take his kids to the park, take away their phones, and force them to go play. The results were...not exactly what he was hoping for.

"It was a nice day outside," Charles Lavea told Newsweek. "I thought we could go get food and eat at the park. I took my daughters' devices, phones and iPads, off them and left them at home. I wanted them to get some sun and fresh air, so we went."

 kids, playing, playing outside, fresh air, no screens Levea probably envisioned something like this. Canva Photos

In footage shared by Lavea on TikTok, you can see what happened next. His two girls are shown sitting on swings, forlornly swaying back and forth, not knowing what to do with themselves. You can tell they're just disassociating until dad's weird little experiment is over. They would rather be anywhere else in the world. Specifically, they'd like to check in on what's going on on their phones. It's all over their faces and in their sad, hunched body language.

Watch the comical video here:

@lifewithlaveas

This generation man 🤣🤣🤦 I remember growing up all we did was play at the park with the kids in the neighbourhood 🤷 #lifewithlaveas #girldad #funnymoments #trendingsound #titanicflutefail #tiktokparent #viralvideos #fyp

 

Commenters had a field day, and most agreed: Kids "these days" don't know how to play outside.

"Bro when I was that age me and my sista be seeing who can swing the highest and jump off the swing on our feet"

"They would ratha watch other kids playing from there devices"

"Kids these days won't know the struggles we been through since the 80s - 90s kids been through with no phones, gaming pc, iPhone, Samsung, tablets, Facebook, tiktok, YouTube & Instagram wasn't invented. Even internet was hard to get when we use to have dial-up internet back then."

"Honestly the kids nowadays have no idea how to play outside eh? My kids too 😂🙈 I used to run out the door and never came back til the street lights turned on."

 Bluey, kids, outside play, 80s, 90s, no screens Things were different when we were kids.  media1.tenor.com  

The data backs it up. There's been a shocking decline in how often kids play outside in the last couple of decades. One study estimates only six percent of kids aged nine to thirteen regularly play outside unsupervised.

But is it as simple as saying that phones and tablets have rewired our kid's brains so the fun of playing outside can't keep up with the quick and easy dopamine hits found on screens? That's part of the problem, sure. But did you know that only around 20% of kids walk or bike to school, compared to 70% of parents who did so when they were young? That's not kids' fault, and it's definitely not because they're in their room playing on their iPads. It's because our culture has stoked so much fear in parents that our kids will be kidnapped or hit by a car that we rarely let them out of our sight anymore.

Kids have less unstructured free time than they did in the past, too. Your average kid is enrolled in more sports, clubs, and extracurriculars than ever before. Those are generally good things on their own—these activities challenge them, teach them new skills, and help them make new friends. But it doesn't leave them a lot of time to flex their imagination and invent silly outside games with other kids, and that time is important too.

 imagination, kids, playing, play outside, games imagination GIF  Giphy  

It's easy to grumble about how kids are obsessed with their devices—and, of course, genuinely laugh when dads like Lavea show that their kids barely know how to use a swing set—but change is going to have to start with us parents. The screens aren't going anywhere. Time spent playing outside is so good for a child's mind, body, and soul. We may just have to awkwardly force them into it a little more often, and that might mean pushing our own fears aside, or (the scariest thing of all) putting our own phones down to lead the way, too.

This article originally appeared in February. It has been updated.

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