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15 'Expert Flirts' share their can't-miss advice to help shy people flirt

"Do not think of anything except them. When you look at them, focus on how much you like them."

flirts, flirting tips, shy people

via Canva

A couple flirting on a park bench.

Putting yourself out there and flirting with an attractive person can be scary. What if you make a fool of yourself? What if they reject you? What if they come to the bar with their significant other? What if you start talking and run out of things to say? For those who are shy or introverted, these situations are even worse.

To complicate matters, people have difficulty determining if someone is flirting with them. A study found that people are good at telling when someone is flirtatious but terrible at realizing they are being flirted with. While people are 80% accurate at determining that someone isn’t flirting with them, only 36% of men and 18% of women can correctly yell if someone is being flirtatious.

To add to the awkwardness, in a world where a lot of communication is done online, people are finding it harder to flirt with a stranger in public.

So, what can we do? The good thing is that people who say they are experts in flirting have been kind enough to share their advice for shy people. Here are 15 of the best pieces of advice we culled from an AskReddit forum question: “Experienced flirts of Reddit, what advice can you give for shy people on how to flirt?”

The big takeaway is to have fun, eliminate expectations, and make the other person laugh. Sounds easy, right?

1. Don't be afraid to fail

"People don’t care that much if you say something embarrassing or weird, so you shouldn’t care either. From what I’ve learned, most girls actually like it when you’re just talking about whatever you feel like, even if it’s kinda goofy or weird because it brings up a genuinely good conversation that isn’t the boring stuff they always talk about with guys trying to flirt with them."

2. Make eye contact

"Eye contact says more than you will ever know. Subtle of course."

But what if you have a problem making eye contact?

"Look at the spot between their eyes. Break away every few seconds if it gets overwhelming but only horizontally and only for around a second. If you’re trying to flirt you can use the breakaway to look at their lips briefly. Don’t do that every single time lol."

3. Pretend you're disinterested

"Decide you are not actually interested in them and are just trying to be nice to them before beginning your attempt to flirt."

4. Fake it 'til you make it

"Literally, and I can not stress this enough, if you lack confidence just fake it. It's the #1 thing when it comes to flirting and is very attractive. Emotionally I'm not confident at all, but I act like I am and sometimes even a little arrogance will get you were you want to be."

5. Don't flirt, talk

"If you're shy, you're shy. That is a trait you can work on, but if you're in a moment where you have not done the work but still need to make that talk happen because otherwise she/he is gone forever, you gotta push through. To push through, do not flirt. I know it seems counterintuitive, but hear me out. Flirting implies a potential romantic and (more short-term) sexual relationship. What you wanna go for is just talking. A conversation. Can be about whatever. What counts is that you talk. Listen to them! Focus on what they are saying and talk accordingly! Ask them follow-up questions. People like being listened to. Being a good listener is one of the most alluring qualities you can have. Once you feel comfortable - maybe a few beers helped as well - you can ask if they would like to continue talking another time and get in contact."

"Don’t flirt. Just talk to them like you would any other person you’re not interested in. Nature will take its course from there."

6. Think only of them

"I'm female and flirted for a living (was a stripper for years). Do not think of anything except them. When you look at them, focus on how much you like them. When you talk to them, same thing.You can talk about something as mundane as the weather but as long as you're simultaneously thinking about how you're enjoying looking at them you're going to give off signals, you're going to smile and laugh more easily and be more attractive yourself in general. Psychologically speaking - people fucking LOVE to feel like you like them - so make sure you do and focus on that. Works like a charm, trust me."

"I'll be honest, this is actually what flirting is all about. Any conversation or topic that shows your desire and interest towards that person is the best way of flirting without feeling forced."

7. Make them laugh

"By no means an expert but this seems to work: give your name and make her laugh before you try to get her number, I think the theory behind it is that laughing releases the bonding hormone and knowing each other's name creates a sense of connection/ knowing each other, so it's basically being a complete stranger VS being somewhat of an acquaintance, definitely an advantage."

"I think the theory behind it is that most laughing is social. It is to be likeable and ease tension instead of laughing because something is funny. Laughing because something is genuinely funny is relatively rare, and if a person laughs in a group, their eyes subconsciously turn towards the person in the room they like the most. So if you make her laugh, it can mean that she is trying to be likable and slightly submissive and, therefore, likely to be interested in you."

"Make them laugh and make them feel like the only person in the room."

8. Always be flirting

"The trick is to practice. Always be flirting. You'll learn how to read people, read the room, and, importantly, read the time/physical constraints of the situation. I learned from my "super-connector" wife that you just need to try to connect with everyone you can as a habit. Nowadays, I never miss an opportunity to (non-sexually) 'flirt' with the checkout person, the sales associate, the waiter/waitress. It's about being present, and proactively, unexpectedly nice when interacting with people. Flattery is cheap, but when you ask them what they think the best item to buy is, you show deference to their opinion and get that connection going. I don't flirt to get something, I flirt to practice for that time when I DO need help, so it doesn't come across as needy or manipulative. I taught my son and daughter to 'Always be flirting' and it pays off regularly and immediately. Better seats, better tips/recommendations, and just better interactions with every person I talk to. And if that is suddenly sounding suspicious, I'm an unattractive 50-year-old male who had NO GAME in my youth and still struggle with eye contact."

9. Give them the ball

"Give them the ball. 'Hey, I'm nervous, but I was hoping to get to know you, though.' Give them respect with pure honesty. That's really all the icebreaker you need."

"Openly admit your awkwardness, he/she might either see it as cute or even brave."

10. H.O.T.A.P.E.

"I didn’t see this here yet, but there’s a ted talk about the science of flirting. I’m married, so my opportunities to rest it out are limited, but this completely breaks it down and makes it understandable. The system is called 'hot ape', and each letter stands for one element. (Humour, Open body language, Touch, Attention, Proximity, Eye contact). Whether you are shy or not, if you understand the six elements, flirting Becomes immediately understandable."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

11. Practice

"Choose the attractive cashier and flirt with them on the way through the line. Keep it light and short. Complement their hair or item of clothing and leave it at that. Don't look for compliments in return. Get your joy from making someone else feel good about themselves. Don't overdo it. One compliment and done unless it sparks a conversation. Then roll with the convo. This means very little to you. You just bought your thing, talked to an attractive person, smiled and moved on. It was easy and left both of you feeling good. Once you are comfortable, try it with a stranger in line then move on to someone you actually like. Have fun."

12. Have zero expectations

"Go into any interaction (no matter the person) with no expectations, ideas, goals, ETC. People can sense desperation and they can sense when you are only talking to them when because you want something. So simply starting a conversation and seeing if you even have chemistry with a person is always the first step."

13. Open with a compliment

"Compliment something they’re wearing, especially if it’s a unique item. Something like: 'That color looks great on you,' 'Nice shoes, those are super cool,' 'That’s a really unique necklace you pull it off pretty well.' It’s a good intro and then you can just talk about the thing and have a casual conversation. Mention the weather next or anything you might have in common - classes, the location you are, etc... the goal is to just carry a conversion for a few minutes or so and see how it is."

14. Don't tell them they are cute

"Never say 'you're cute,' It just cements in your mind that she's cute and way out of your league."

15. What's the worst that can happen?

"For me it helped a great amount to notice that nothing bad will happen if I do flirt. Sure, people who aren't interested will shut you down, but only with their tone or choice of words. Nobody will call you out and say, 'Stop flirting.' The next thing was to be confident in myself and realize that people could actually be interested in me. Last but not least, practice. You don't learn to flirt in one day. Also, the fear you have to overcome to start it or say something flirty becomes less and less the more often you do it."

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flirting techniques

Passenger on 274-day cruise is surprised to learn the one word you can't say on the ship

"It's like saying 'Macbeth' in a theater."

via Mattew Barra/Pexels

There's one word you can't say on a cruise ship.

There are some things you just don't say. You don't yell out "bomb!" on an airplane, make jokes about carrying weapons while going through security, or, as Michael Scott from The Office knows, loudly proclaim that a boat you're currently on is sinking.

Those are all pretty obvious examples, but sometimes etiquette and decorum are a little more subtle. If you're not experienced in the ways of the venue you're in, you might not know all the unspoken rules. And you might find out the hard way. Cruise ships, for example, have their own very specific set of rules and regulations that guests should abide by.

On December 10, 2023, Royal Caribbean’s Serenade of the Seas set sail on the Ultimate World Cruise—a 274-day global trek that visits 11 world wonders and over 60 countries.

cruise, 9-month cruise, Marc Sebastian, cruise life, vacation, titanic, unspoken rules, etiquette, cruise etiquette, royal caribbean 9 months is a very long time to be aboard a boat, even a giant cruise ship. Photo by Peter Hansen on Unsplash

This incredible trip covered the Americas, Asia Pacific, Middle East, Mediterranean and Europe with a ticket price that ranges from $53,999 to $117,599 per passenger.

With such a unique and incredible offering, it's understandable that Royal Caribbean wanted to invite plenty of influencers to help them get the word out.

Aboard the Serenade to the Seas was popular TikToker Marc Sebastian, who documented his experience throughout the journey. In one video with over 4.3 million views, he revealed what he’s learned over his first few weeks aboard the ship; the biggest was the one word you’re not allowed to say.

"So here's [what] I've learned about cruising since I've spent 18 nights on this floating retirement home with a Cheesecake Factory attached. First, number one, you're not supposed to talk about the Titanic," he says in the clip.

Titanic! It's the ultimate taboo when you're on a giant ship traversing the ocean. Even after all these years, it's still too soon to make even lighthearted comparisons or jokes.

@marcsebastianf
someone get whoopi on the line girl i have some goss for her #ultimateworldcruise #worldcruise #serenadeoftheseas #cruisetok #cruise #9monthcruise #titanic

“Who knew that? I didn’t,” Sebastian said. “I brought it up to an entire room of people having lunch that our ship is only 100 feet longer than the Titanic — when I tell you that utensils dropped. Waiters gasped. It’s dead silent.”

Sebastian was flabbergasted. "It wasn't in the... handbook," he joked. "Not that I read the handbook, clearly."

After the unexpected reaction, his cruise friend told him, “You’re not allowed to talk about the Titanic.” It makes sense.

Who wants to be reminded of the tragedy that killed around 1,500 people while sinking one of the most impressive engineering feats of the era? More experienced cruisers chimed in that they were familiar with the unique piece of etiquette.

cruise, 9-month cruise, Marc Sebastian, cruise life, vacation, titanic, unspoken rules, etiquette, cruise etiquette, royal caribbean Pro tip: Don't ask the band on board to play "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion Giphy

"When I went on a cruise, my mom told me saying Titanic was equivalent to screaming ‘bomb’ at an airport," Mikayla wrote in the comments.

"It’s like saying Macbeth in a theatre, it’s an unspoken rule" another commenter added.

"I’m sorry you’re telling me you had a Harry Potter like experience saying Voldemort at Hogwarts but it was the titanic on a modern day cruise I’m cryingggg" joked another.

Later in the video covering little known cruise facts, Sebastian admits he was surprised to learn that cruise ships have godmothers and that the pools are filled with seawater.

In an update from June of 2024, Sebastian explains that he only stayed on the cruise for 18 nights. He was not booked to stay throughout the entire voyage, and for him, that was a relief.

He initially jokes that he was kicked off the boat for saving a penguin that had jumped aboard. But in the end, he admits he was more than happy to deboard early.

"I walked off that ship not a happy man," he said, saying the ship was overstimulating and stressful. In another video, he films as the ship navigates the Drake Passage, one of the most notoriously dangerous and choppy stretches of water in the world. It looks stressful indeed, to say the least.

Cruising isn't for everyone, let alone for 274 days straight! But now Sebastian knows the golden rule for his next cruise.

This story originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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17 people share their 'weirdest' life hacks that may sound strange, but they totally work

"I cut pizza with scissors."

via Sara/Flickr, Margaret Stranks/Flickr, and Canva

Cutting pizza with scissors, sending a work email, and cutting your nails.

Everyone has their favorite life hacks, whether it's putting their sponge in the dishwasher, using frozen grapes to chill drinks, or pouring the creamer in your coffee first (so you don’t have to stir). But what about the things people do that are highly effective, that may sound a little weird, so they keep them to themselves?

There have been a lot of posts across social media about life hacks—we’ve done plenty here at Upworthy—so it seems that the only ones we haven’t heard of are those that are off the beaten path. Maybe they're a little strange, so people have kept them to themselves for fear of being called out. Well, now it’s time for them to see the light of day.

A Reddit user named CasualConversation asked people to open up and share their unusual hacks and received over 600 responses. “I want to hear any life hacks that would get you judged by other people or would get you dirty looks, but you swear they work. Any life hack can be included—not topic related, just any form,” they wrote, adding: “I cut pizza with scissors.” This led to a great list of unorthodox hacks that commenters swear by because they “genuinely work.”

Here are 17 ‘weird life hacks that people swear by

1. Don't send emails after 2 pm

"In an office setting, conducting business by work email, often processes come to a head at the end of the day and require input from someone else to move forward. At the end of the day, no one checks email anymore, and they certainly don't ACT on them right away. The next day brings new challenges, and my email goes unanswered for days. After 2pm, I set those emails to send the next day 10 minutes after the start of working hours. People are primed to check off a task someone is presently waiting for, so they nail it because they are just settling in to their desk, and they think I am on the other end waiting for a response."

2. Wipe your bathroom

"Wiping the bathroom down for thirty seconds once a day pretty much keeps it clean, even if you start with an absolutely filthy bathroom. It will slowly get cleaner and cleaner and then stay there, and much more quickly than you would expect."
"I keep Lysol wipes out in the open for this reason. Makes a quick cleaning a breeze."

3. 'Key' to remembering

"If I have to take something to work that won't fit in my purse, I'll put my keys with that item (and yes, even if it's in the fridge, lol). So when I go to leave and look for my keys, I'll remember."

"I do something similar, but I put the item in front of the door, so when I open the door I have to move/pickup the item."

4. Every day can be Christmas

"Do gift shopping year-round. If you see something a friend or relative would like for a gift 6 months before their birthday, get it anyway, put it in a “gift spot” and then you’re ready to go. Prevents both stress and overspending."

5. Post-shower clipping

"I try to always clip my nails right after a shower. They're softer after prolonged water exposure (in line with 'pruny hands'). It makes them cut cleaner and easier (yes, even the big toe), and they don't fly across the room."

"Nice! You made me think of sort of opposite logic: if you wait to pluck hair till your skin is a little greasy, they come out much better—cuz they’re all lubed up."

6. Friday cleaning

"Tidy up your house on Friday after work.. set up your whole weekend for leisure and low stress projects!"

"I use this trick too, but I spread all chores throughout work week, so on Friday night, I only make dinner and relax."

7. Blink to sleep

"Blinking fast for a minute to help fall asleep at night."

"One I use and does help to fall asleep is to completely relax your face. It sounds odd until you do it and realize how unrelaxed your face is."

8. Reverse rewarding

"I always try to reward myself before I start an assignment or something I’m dreading. I think the idea of having to work to earn a reward is dumb, and rewarding myself before hand always lifts my mood which in turn makes me more productive."

"This is something that can definitely work for many people. Having adhd, I tend to reward myself then never do the task lol."

9. Point and say

"Like, I have Invisalign right now (last 2 years), and like they say, the trays are invisible. I can't tell you how many times I've lost those fuckers on the rock countertop! When you're hangry and in the kitchen, you tend to forget where you set your teeth down in a quest for food. I learned to point at them and say out loud to myself where they are. It has worked for my cell phone, garden tools, work gloves, car keys, knitting needles, etc..."

"I do that in the car if I’m running to the store, and just need like 5 items. I say 'I need 5 items from the store: apples, milk, bread, cat food, dish soap,' and I’ll recite it a few times. That way, in the store, if I’m at item #4, I don’t forget I need one more thing."

10. Cut pizza with scissors

"I ate pizza in Berlin last month...and they gave you scissors to cut the pizza. It was awesome. Now I need pizza scissors in my kitchen."

"It’s just so simple and smooth! Pizza cutters will either cut halfway through the dough or you have to go back and forth a few times. Scissors just one neat cut through and you’re good to go!"

11. Beat procrastination

"As a procrastinator, instead of thinking 'I’ll do this task at xx date/time,' I replace it with 'I should finish this task by xx date/time' Because for some odd reason, I’m fueled by the thought of deadlines."

12. Gift notes

"Make a note in your phone with all things your SO would like as a present. Whenever they mention something or just seem to fancy it, add it to the list. When their birthday or Christmas comes you can just look up what you would like to gift them and they will very likely love your present, while you don't have any trouble deciding."

13. Have Chat GPT read it to you

"My job and my degree requires me to read lots of policies, studies and reports which I struggle to because of ADHD. I can read very well but I just can't keep attention. So I copied and uploaded it to ChatGPT, asked it to write a detailed summary highlighting the key points and actions, and then clicked the 'text to speech' button. It means I can get through so many more documents and understand them."

14. Hold the salt

"Asking the fast-food chain to serve you French fries with no salt forces them to make you a fresh batch that are always piping hot and crispy. Salt you can add yourself later, but that means you get the freshest possible fries."

"Also, if you plan to dine in, go through the drive-thru and then park and take your food indoors. Drive-thru is prioritized in speed."

15. Better butter

"I butter things with the back of a spoon. Never use a knife. Ever. It feels like it works better. I don’t use a spoon but we have several plastic spreaders with a broad, oval blade & I always reach for those over a butter knife. The surface area & the curved edges seem to spread it more evenly & efficiently."

16. Ice your rice

"When I reheat rice in the microwave, I put an ice cube on top. It prevents the rice from getting chewy and weird, it makes it fluffy and nice."

"I spray a paper towel with water and put it over whatever I’m heating in the microwave. The steam helps keep things moist and prevents spatters if anything explodes. The ice trick sounds like it would achieve the same moistness aim and be less wasteful. Gonna try this one!"

17. Onion goggles

"Wearing swim goggles while cutting onions."

"That's what I was going to say! I wear lab goggles and they work perfectly."

"I definitely got laughed at by my wife."

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The longest — and probably largest — proof of our current climate catastrophe ever caught on camera.

It was the largest such event ever filmed.

All GIFs and images via Exposure Labs.

Photographer James Balog and his crew were hanging out near a glacier when their camera captured something extraordinary. They were in Greenland, gathering footage from the time-lapse they'd positioned all around the Arctic Circle for the last several years.

They were also there to shoot scenes for a documentary. And while they were hoping to capture some cool moments on camera, no one expected a huge chunk of a glacier to snap clean off and slide into the ocean right in front of their eyes.

science, calving, glaciers

A glacier falls into the sea.

assets.rebelmouse.io

ocean swells, sea level, erosion, going green

Massive swells created by large chunks of glacier falling away.

assets.rebelmouse.io

It was the largest such event ever filmed.

For nearly an hour and 15 minutes, Balog and his crew stood by and watched as a piece of ice the size of lower Manhattan — but with ice-equivalent buildings that were two to three times taller than that — simply melted away.

geological catastrophe, earth, glacier melt

A representation demonstrating the massive size of ice that broke off into the sea.

assets.rebelmouse.io

As far as anyone knows, this was an unprecedented geological catastrophe and they caught the entire thing on tape. It won't be the last time something like this happens either.

But once upon a time, Balog was openly skeptical about that "global warming" thing.

Balog had a reputation since the early 1980s as a conservationist and environmental photographer. And for nearly 20 years, he'd scoffed at the climate change heralds shouting, "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!"

"I didn't think that humans were capable of changing the basic physics and chemistry of this entire, huge planet. It didn't seem probable, it didn't seem possible," he explained in the 2012 documentary film "Chasing Ice."

There was too much margin of error in the computer simulations, too many other pressing problems to address about our beautiful planet. As far as he was concerned, these melodramatic doomsayers were distracting from the real issues.

That was then.

Greenland, Antarctica, glacier calving

The glacier ice continues to erode away.

assets.rebelmouse.io

In fact, it wasn't until 2005 that Balog became a believer.

He was sent on a photo expedition of the Arctic by National Geographic, and that first northern trip was more than enough to see the damage for himself.

"It was about actual tangible physical evidence that was preserved in the ice cores of Greenland and Antarctica," he said in a 2012 interview with ThinkProgress. "That was really the smoking gun showing how far outside normal, natural variation the world has become. And that's when I started to really get the message that this was something consequential and serious and needed to be dealt with."

Some of that evidence may have been the fact that more Arctic landmass has melted away in the last 20 years than the previous 10,000 years.

Watch the video of the event of the glacier calving below:

This article originally appeared 10 years ago.

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Menswear expert gives 3 reasons people dressed better in the past, even in peak summer heat

How were they not roasting hot all the time?

Photo credit: Canva (left), Vintage Japan-esque/Flickr (right)

What makes people look so classy in photos from the past?

Do you ever see photos of people from the past and feel a tinge of regret that we've let clothing styles become so sloppy? Don't get me wrong, I'm an avid fan of my sweatpants and lounge sets, but there was something classy about the way people dressed in the first half of the 20th century, even when they were just hanging around casually. Why was that?

Derek Guy, who has made a name for himself as @dieworkwear, a guru of menswear on social media, has an explanation. While expectations of dress were certainly different in the past, there are other reasons why the way-back-when generation looked so good in their clothing. And it wasn't because people were thinner, Guy says. It actually boiled down to three things: "shape and drape" styles, specialized materials, and a greater tolerance for discomfort.

— (@)

"Shape and drape" styles provided more structure

"The first point — 'shape and drape' — can be seen everywhere around us, not just in clothing," Guy writes. "Even in architecture, interior design, and furniture, things look more pleasing when they have distinctive and interesting shapes. Even without the presence of a tailored jacket, many outfits in the past looked great because they conferred distinctive shapes — a boxier shirt, fuller pants, short shorts, etc. Certain techniques, such as pleats, gave volume."

— (@)

"Over the years, men have slowly molted their layers — first by shedding the tailored jacket, then the necktie, and in some cases, even the collared shirt. They have long ditched hats, which conferred another type of shape to an outfit," he writes.

"The rise of slim fit, low rise pants and technical polos that cling to the body means you end up getting an outfit that's barely even there. There's very little texture, detailing, or even a distinctive silhouette. May as well be wearing two smooth pieces of Saran Wrap."

— (@)

Guy also explained how proportions come into play with how clothing looks. A t-shirt that's too long or pants that are too low distort the way an outfit looks to us.

"The ratio between the upper and lower halves of an outfit will depend on the intended aesthetic (and there are many aesthetics), but the "rule of thirds" is a good starting point," he shares.

Specialized fabrics allowed for better looks with more breathability

The materials our clothing is made from has changed a lot over the past century. The rise of polyesters, acrylics, and other fabrics have altered the fashion landscape more than we might realize.

"When you look at photos of well-dressed men in the past or even today, their trousers often drape well because they are cut from heavier wool fabrics," Guy writes. "Some can still be comfy bc of the open weave."

— (@)

Natural fabrics like wool tend to drape better, and the nature of wool is such that it can be warming or cooling, depending on how it's woven. We might think a wool suit would be overly hot, but when created in a lighter weight with an open weave, it wouldn't be. As a result, people could layer clothing more readily, which gives outfits more distinctive shapes and textures.

— (@)

People tolerated not being 100% comfortable 100% of the time

Let's face it. We've all gotten a little soft when it comes to clothing and comfort. Why wear a button-up shirt and pants when you can wear loose yoga pants and a buttery soft t-shirt? Why wear dress shoes when it's become perfectly acceptable to don sneakers with almost any outfit?

— (@)

We've sacrificed style for comfort, and maybe there's nothing wrong with that. Regardless, "discomfort tolerance" is a legitimate answer to the question of why people dressed better back in the day—they were just accustomed to being a little uncomfortable. Their "loungewear" consisted of leather loafers instead of tennis shoes and wool slacks instead of fleece sweatpants. Now that we're addicted to comfy, it's hard to go back.

Of course, some people still dress a little nicer than the rest of us, and others simply don't care. But if you do want to look a little more put together, these three style principles might just help you get there faster.

You can follow Derek Guy on X and check out his website here for more like this.

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Neuroscientists share how to 'revive' memories that you thought you had forgotten forever

A lot of the memories that you thought were gone forever can be retrieved.

via Canva/Photos

A man improving his memory.

When most people forget things that happened in the past or how to tackle specific tasks, they think that the memory is gone forever. They will have to relearn the skill, and once a memory is forgotten, it’s like the event never happened. However, new research shows that when we forget things and can’t recall them, there’s still an opportunity to retrieve the memory. Like finding a lost file in a computer—you have to find the right place to look.

A new study published in Cell found that when your brain updates your memory, it does some strategic formatting where it intentionally forgets some experiences or pieces of information to make room for new information. That’s a tough pill to swallow when you spent all day trying to learn a new program on your computer, only to forget what you did a few days later.

notes, writing notes, headphones, woman on couch, via Canva/Photos

How to recall memories you thought were long gone?

But there’s good news. When we forget things, they aren’t erased from existence. They’ve been put in a dormant state, and they can be retrieved. Let’s say you went on a trip to a lake 11 years ago, but now you can’t remember the seven friends who went with you. You close your eyes and recall everyone on the trip, but you just can’t come up with any names.

By re-experiencing something associated with the memory, such as a photo of the lake or the music you listened to, you can trigger the recall of the forgotten details, empowering you to take control of your memory. It's as if the associated item serves as a key to unlock the door to the information stored in your mind.

Took a trip to the store and you forgot the ingredients that go into your famous chilli? Even if you scan your brain and try to recall the ingredients, you may come up empty. But if you start with the ingredients you know, like the chilli powder, and grab it off the shelf and put it in your shopping cart, the other ingredients may magically come to you.

It's fascinating to think about how many memories we have that are waiting to be rediscovered with the right kind of prompting. It's like a treasure hunt in our own minds!

memory, mental issues, poor memory, notes, post-its, recall A man reading notes on a wall.via Canva/Photos

What is cued recall?

The type of mental activity that helps you recover long-forgotten memories is known in scientific circles as cued recall. Cued recall is significantly more effective than free recall due to the additional support provided by cues, helping activate dormant memory pathways.

The big takeaway from this research is that your brain is an incredibly vast and powerful place that holds so much information, it locks some of it away in a far-off place just in case you need it in the future. The wild thing is that even though it's your brain, you still may need some help from science to learn how to use it. If only the mind came with an owner's manual, we'd be in much better shape.

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