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Health

We asked people what they really enjoy that others can't understand. One answer dominated.

Interestingly, research shows that these people are particularly unlikely to be neurotic.

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Some people really enjoy being alone.

We recently asked our Upworthy audience on Facebook, "What's something that you really enjoy that other people can't seem to understand?" and over 1,700 people weighed in. Some people shared things like housework, cleaning and laundry, which a lot of people see as chores. Others shared different puzzles or forms of art they like doing, and still others shared things like long car rides or grocery shopping.

But one answer dominated the list of responses. It came in various wordings, but by far the most common answer to the question was "silent solitude." Here are a few examples:

"Feeling perfectly content, when I’m all alone."

"Being home. Alone. In silence."

"That I enjoy being alone and my soul is at peace in the silence. I don't need to be around others to feel content, and it takes me days to recharge from being overstimulated after having an eventful day surrounded by others."

"Enjoying your own company. Being alone isn’t isolating oneself. It’s intentional peace and healthy… especially for deep feelers/thinkers."

Spending time by ourselves is something some of us relish, while some of us hate being alone. Naturally, this points to the common theory of introversion vs. extraversion, but in some ways, that's overly simplistic. Even the most peopley people among us can enjoy some quality alone time, and not all introverts see time alone as truly enjoyable. (It might be necessary for an introvert's well-being, but not necessarily something they truly revel in.)

Interesting, studies have found that people who enjoy being alone are not any more or less extraverted than those who don't, though they do tend to be less "sociable." They are also less likely to be neurotic (tense, moody, worrying types) than the generally population and more likely to be open-minded. Those characteristics are the opposite of what social norms often tell us about people who want to be alone.

"If our stereotypes about people who like being alone were true, then we should find that they are neurotic and closed-minded. In fact, just the opposite is true," writes Bella DePaulo, PhD.

There may be lots of reasons some people like to spend time by themselves while others don't. We are naturally social creatures and need social interaction, but some of us find ourselves overstimulated by being around other people all the time. On the flip side, some people find being alone not just unenjoyable, but extremely uncomfortable, which can be a problem.

"Ideally, we should be comfortable with ourselves, alone or with others," writes psychologist Tara Well Ph.D.. "If you are uncomfortable being alone, it means you are uncomfortable being with yourself without distraction, engagement, or affirmation from others. This can be a liability in life. If you cannot be alone, you may stay in situations or make life choices that aren’t good for you in the long run, like staying in a job or a relationship, mainly because you can’t tolerate being alone while transitioning to a better situation."

Dr. Well also points out that people can make the most of their alone time, even if it's not something they naturally enjoy. One way is to make it purposeful, setting aside a little time daily to write in a journal, meditate, go for a walk or otherwise engage your mind and body in some form of reflection. Another is to pay attention to self-judgments that might make alone time uncomfortable and challenge them with some compassionate confrontation and counteraction with positive thoughts about yourself.

Alone time can be refreshing and rewarding, especially if it's something you naturally crave. Some people even like to take themselves out on dates or enjoy traveling by themselves. That kind of self-care can be just as important as connecting with others for our overall health and well-being. Being alone doesn't mean being a loner and it doesn't mean being lonely. Some of us genuinely like having quality time with ourselves, whether it makes sense to other people or not.


This article originally appeared on 1.1.24

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personality
Joy

Hey Iceland, mind if we borrow your Christmas tradition of Jólabókaflóð?

It's holiday heaven for introverts, basically.

studioroman/Canva

The Icelandic tradition of gifting and reading books on Christmas Eve is an introvert's dream.

For families that celebrate Christmas, December can be a whirlwind of preparation, excitement, busyness and, frankly, stress. It's all in the name of good things—festivity, family gatherings, generosity—but phew, it can be a lot.

Perhaps that's one reason why the Icelandic tradition of Jólabókaflóð (approximately pronounced Yo-lah-boke-ah-flode) has grabbed people's attention. What if, instead of hustling and bustling, families spent the night before Christmas quietly reading?

Literally translating as "Christmas book flood," Jólabókaflóð is the tradition of not just gifting books, but actually reading them together on Christmas Eve. Imagine the whole family cozied up in front of the fire, hot cocoa in one hand and a book in the other, quietly enjoying some calm reading time together. Quite a contrast to the sensory overload that can often mark the holiday, and a decidedly introvert-friendly tradition.

"The culture of giving books as presents is very deeply rooted in how families perceive Christmas as a holiday," Kristjan B. Jonasson, president of the Iceland Publishers Association, told NPR in 2012. "Normally, we give the presents on the night of the 24th and people spend the night reading."

How did this Christmas book giving and reading tradition get started? According to jolabokaflod.org, it began during World War II after Iceland gained its independence from Denmark in 1944. Since paper was one of the few things not rationed during the war, Icelanders gifted one another books.

Every year since, a book catalog—the "Book Bulletin"—has been published by the Icelandic book trade and sent to every household in mid-November. People order books from the catalog to give as gifts for Christmas.

hot cocoa, book, christmas tree

Hot cocoa and books are a Christmas Eve tradition in Iceland.

Photo by Andreea Radu on Unsplash

The hot cocoa is part of the tradition, as well as a Christmas ale called jolabland, which is a uniquely Icelandic orangey-malty fizzy drink.

The Jólabókaflóð tradition has a decidedly hygge feel to it, which makes sense considering Iceland's long, cold winters and cultural connection with Denmark. (Hygge = the Danish word that essentially means a warm and cozy atmosphere and sense of well-being.) Even if we don't have Scandinavian roots ourselves, we can all appreciate creating a space of comfort and warmth in the darkest, coldest time of the year (for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, anyway).

And books are excellent gifts. They don't take up a lot of space, they can be enjoyed again and again and they can be regifted easily. A good book can teach us things, change our mindset and make us more empathetic. And all things considered, they're inexpensive—especially if you buy them secondhand.

But the reading books together part is where Jólabókaflóð really shines. So many holiday traditions are centered around the extroverts among us—the idea that introverts get to have their preferences not just tolerated, but honored, and on a major holiday no less, is just beautiful.

So get the family on board, gift a book, grab a cocoa and a good read, and spend Christmas Eve in cozy silence, reading with your loved ones. Sounds like the perfect way to spend a holiday.

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holiday traditions
Pets

In case you were curious, introverted dogs are just as awkward in groups as humans

I've never related to a dog so much in my life!

Photo by Samuel Charron on Unsplash

Introverted dogs meetup.

If you've ever wondered what it would be like to get a bunch of introverted dogs together, let me put your mind at ease. It’s as awkward as you might think. Surprisingly, introverted dogs are just as uncomfortable in social situations as introverted people, as evidenced in this pet owner's video of this excruciating event.

A group of pet owners in Sweden decided to bring their introverted pups together for a meetup to see what would happen. Turns out it looks a lot like everyone’s first middle school dance where kids stand around attempting to appear normal while avoiding eye contact with people they don’t know. Sofia Rosten told CNN that a dog psychologist put the group together in an effort to alleviate the concerns of owners of shy dogs.

@qilastiktok

Imagine putting a lot of introverts in one room 😅 #funnydogvideos #funnytiktok #funnytiktokvideos #funnypetvideos #funnydoggo

Rosten shared the video of the last few minutes of the dog party on the TikTok page she has for her rescue dog Qila, who attended the meetup. Qila was the life of the soiree as she attempted to catch flies with her back facing the other canines. The party wasn’t all awkward moments and avoidance of doggy contact, according to Rosten. The shindig started off well apparently, but after a bit of overstimulation, the attendees were ready to go home to their favorite blankies and glasses of puppy noir to recuperate for several weeks.

The adorably awkward encounter has racked up more than 4 million likes since it was posted. All I can say to sweet Qila is same, girl. Same. These dogs deserve a lengthy social battery recharge after all of that socializing.

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funny dog videos
Family

If you don't have it, chronic anxiety can be hard to understand. These comics can help.

Ever felt like you can't explain how your anxiety feels? Artist Marzi has a solution.

Attention anyone with anxiety who spent time in class with their head down doodling in a notebook: This is a comic series for you.

Introvert Doodles started as a “self-pep talk” by a comic artist who goes by Marzi. She was inspired to explore her identity as an introvert after a personality test made her realize her introverted tendencies weren’t flaws — they were part of her personality.

On her site, she explains (in a doodle, of course):

Image by Marzi/@introvertdoodles.

“I was surprised when others connected with my doodles on Instagram,” she told The Mighty in an email. (“I’d love to hear from you. Just not over the phone,” she writes on her site.) “I realized I wasn’t the only one discovering that it’s OK to be an introvert.”

She also features comics about life with anxiety — although, she says, having anxiety and being an introvert are not synonymous.

“My anxiety began in my teens. I consider myself lucky, as right now it’s managed pretty well with medication,” she said. “I’m an introvert who happens to have anxiety …. Being an introvert simply means you draw your energy from within, and social outings drain your energy. It’s a personality you’re born with and not something that needs to be fixed.”

Image by Marzi/@introvertdoodles.

“Sometimes anxiety and introversion overlap,” Marzi said.

“In those cases, it’s helpful to identify the differences, so you know which tendencies to work on and which to embrace. I’ve learned that some things I was trying so hard to fix, didn’t need to be fixed at all. For example, it’s OK that I don’t have a big group of friends; it’s perfectly alright to just have one or two. It’s fine to leave a party early when I’m overstimulated. There’s nothing wrong with being quiet and only talking when I have something to say. As for the anxiety, I’m actively working to manage it.”

She says introverts like herself are finding a voice — and learning that, while their strengths are different from those of extroverts, they are no less valuable.

And while living with anxiety sometimes comes along with being an introvert, it’s not something that should be dismissed.

“The most important thing I want those without anxiety to understand is this: Even though the perceived danger may be irrational, the fear itself is very real,” she said. “So please, try to be patient.”

The comics show her understanding of how anxiety can make even the smallest things difficult.

Here are six more of her relatable anxiety doodles:

Image by Marzi/@introvertdoodles.

But it's worth celebrating every time you can overcome it.

Image by Marzi/@introvertdoodles.

She knows the feeling of a panic attack:

Image by Marzi/@introvertdoodles.

Image by Marzi/@introvertdoodles.

Image by Marzi/@introvertdoodles.

But she also helps guide friends and family through tough moments too.

Image by Marzi/@introvertdoodles.

To see more from Marzie, visit her site, follow her on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook, and check out her book, "The Introvert Activity Guide."

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