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People swoon over nerdy married couple describing each other's PhD thesis at Cambridge

The viral video is incredibly romantic, in the most unexpected way.

Nerd love is the best.

When we picture words like "romantic" or "sexy," we don't often conjure up an image of two PhD candidates discussing their theses. But one University of Cambridge couple is turning that notion right on its head with an unlikely demonstration of pure love that has people gushing.

Get ready for the sweetest nerdy love display

Harum Mukhayer and Will Deacon met and got married while pursuing their PhDs at Cambridge, and the university shared a video of them explaining one another's thesis in their respective fields on Instagram. Mukhayer is an International Law PhD graduate at the university's Pembroke College, while Deacon got his PhD in Physics at Sidney Sussex College, and their theses topics could not be more drastically different.

However, their interdisciplinary love is on full display as they each attempt to sum up one another's research. Watch:

The way she was able to put his complex physics thesis into layman's terms and how he accurately described her transboundary research, each while the other looked on admiringly, was a clear display of love and respect. The video was meant to be an announcement from the university that applications for postgraduate degree programs were being accepted, but all people saw was an adorably nerdy love story.

Check out the comments:

"This was one of the most beautiful expressions of love I’ve seen. The way they see each other, hear each other, support and look at each other was so moving."

"See how he's not intimidated?! Very invested. Very intrigued. Very proud. 🥰"

"Does the PhD program at Cambridge come with a partner?"

"This couples therapist LOVES how this couple has clearly been listening to what their partners' research entails and shows respect and pride over it. Congratulations you two. ❤️"

"I’m all for the world class research and facilities etc, but i just want to check does the PhD program at Cambridge come with a partner—like is it an all inclusive package or…? 😂😂😂"

"Oh! To be seen, really seen."


People loved the couple's "intellectual chemistry"

"Move over Meet Cutes, Meet Smarts has entered the building! The way he looked at her and melted when she named and explained his thesis! Urgh so cute!"

"This kind of mutual respect, support and admiration… the dream 😍"

"Obsessed with this love! What an advert for intellectual chemistry and compatibility 😍😍😍🙏🏾"

"You can see how he fell even MORE in love with her at this moment. This was so sweet."

"Not me smiling sheepishly at my screen.☺️☺️
Love this. Love ALL of it.
Nerdy, intellectual love is the absolute best. I imagine they’d always have lots and lots to talk (and think) about. 🩵☺️💛"


People are serious about this nerdy brand of love being ideal. Most of us want our partner to take an interest in our passions, at least enough to understand them a bit, even if we don't share them deeply. Add in the intellectual curiosity to actually learn about something outside of your own field and the admiration for one another's academic accomplishments, and it's a match made in higher education heaven.

Though we often see romance portrayed physically or sexually, love can be revealed in all kinds of ways, even intellectually. But couples don't have to be PhD candidates to demonstrate this kind of love and respect for one another. Admiring one another's hard work or passionate hobbies, regardless of what they are, shows love in less-standard but certainly not-less-important way than other displays of affection.

Three cheers for this couple showing how sweet and sexy it can be to love someone's mind as much as their body and soul.

Science

A study found 4 different categories of couples. Where do you belong?

What if I told you someone did find a way to "categorize" your love style but with actual real science?

This movie couple definitely could have used some healthy therapy.

Ever fallen into one of those Internet dating quizzes? You know, the ones that promise to categorize you? Like "what your astrological sign says about your relationship style."

They can be fun, but we all know they're mostly fluff.

What if I told you someone did find a way to "categorize" your love style but with actual real science?


Three relationship scientists asked about 400 couples to track how they felt about their relationship and how committed they felt to marrying their partner. They followed each of the couples for nine months. Not, like, literally followed them — that would be creepy. Instead, they just asked them a few questions and asked them to keep track of how committed they were feeling over time.

At the end of the nine months, the scientists collected all the couple's responses and delved deep into the data. They found that couples did indeed tend to fall into one of four categories.

Prepare yourself for some soul searching because you might just be:

1. The Conflicted, but Passionate

celebrity, relationships, commitment

Scarlett and Rhett from "Gone with the Wind."

Image from Insomnia Cured Here/Flickr.

This is the couple Facebook made the "It's Complicated" relationship status for. Their levels of commitment tend to go up and down over time, especially after arguments. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. These folks use those conflicts to help them make decisions about the relationship, and in fact, they didn't appear to be any more destined for a breakup than any of the other groups.

Also, as a bonus, they tend to follow those turbulent downs with passionate ups. "These couples operate in a tension between conflict that pushes them apart and passionate attraction that pulls them back together," said study author Brian Ogolsky.

2. The Partner-Focused

dating, hobbies, leisure activities

A nice night to have a couples walk.

Image from Yiannis Theologos Michellis/Flickr.

If your idea of a perfect date night is a long walk followed by eight hours of binge-watching "House of Cards" together, you might fall into this category.

Partner-focused couples tend to spend a lot of time together and share hobbies or leisure activities, and it's that shared time that tends to propel them forward. They tended to be more careful and thoughtful about their relationship decisions — more likely to build from the inside out — and tended to be the most satisfied overall.

3. The Social Butterflies

On the other hand, if your perfect evening with your partner involves grabbing all your friends and hitting the bars or breaking out Settlers of Catan for the hundredth time, this might be the category that best describes you. Social couples usually share a friend group and use that time spent with friends to inform and build their relationship as a couple.

"Having mutual friends makes people in these couples feel closer and more committed," said Ogolsky. They also tended to be pretty stable and have higher levels of love based on feelings of friendship toward each other, which can be a good indicator for long-term happiness.

4. The Dramatic

drama, community, therapy, social norms

A little Renaissance kissing with oil

Image from Sofi/Flickr.

Unfortunately, not every couple's path is easy. Things may start out good, but tend not to stay that way for dramatic couples. This type of couple tends to make decisions based on negative experiences or stuff from outside the relationship.

"These couples have a lot of ups and downs, and their commitment swings wildly," said Ogolsky. "You begin to see little things eroding, and you start to see the relationship in a negative light, and soon you give up," said Ogolsky.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, dramatic couples tended to break up the most, twice as much as other couples.

So what's best? Well, here's where this article differs from a lot of those Internet quizzes. Because the answer is that there isn't a "best" kind of relationship.

couples therapy, love, marriage, biology

What do healthy relationships start and end with?

Image from Maryam Mgonja/Wikimedia Commons.

Different couples work and grow differently. These are different pathways and it'd be a mistake to assume there's a "correct" way to love someone. Or even that you're forever locked into a certain style of relationships. "These are not predefined, for-life patterns," said Ogolsky.

And even in a single relationship, these patterns aren't predictors of destiny — a dramatic couple may, in fact, outlast a social one, and a partner-driven couple may be as passionate as anyone you could ever meet.

And the researchers willingly admit in their paper that their study doesn't cover all relationships. Many very happy couples have no desire to marry, for instance. And, it should be noted, that it wasn't too long ago that the U.S. didn't even allow all couples to get married!

Wait, you're not going to tell me how to find the perfect, golden, eternally-happy relationship?! Why even study this then?

Because, in our hearts, humans are social creatures, Ogolsky explained. Love, friendship, passion, and commitment are part of the human experience. Understanding relationships can be as important to understanding ourselves as studying chemistry or biology. They can even affect your health!

As for what you can learn from all this, the important takeaway is that what you use to make decisions — whether from conflict, from the inside, from the outside, or from friendship — can influence your level of commitment. It might be useful for couples to think not just about their choices but how they make their choices.

So ... what's your category?


This article originally appeared on 02.15.16

Pop Culture

Comedian debunks the popular '50% of marriages end in divorce' myth in viral video

Comedian and writer Alex Falcone explains how this "dumb statistic" is just plain wrong.

@alex_falcone/TikTok

How did we all come to believe this very inaccurate statistic?

We’ve all heard the statistic that “50% of marriages end in divorce” at least once in our adult lives. And considering that many of us probably know a few couples that have gotten divorced (including our own parents) we probably never gave its validity much of a second thought.

But romantics, rejoice! For this cynical statistic is, irrefutably, false. Recently comedian Alex Falcone took to TikTok to debunk this commonly believed myth.


In a now viral video, Falcone begins by saying that “first of all, it’s a dumb thing to measure,” because “until the 1970s, divorce law was very different. So really, it would have been a measurement of what percentage of couples are trapped in bad situations.”

What makes this a “dumb statistic,” Falcone continues, is that it doesn’t consider the duration of any marriage—from “the couple that held hands while the water came in on the Titanic counts exactly the same as someone who got hit by a bus on their honeymoon” to the “overachievers” who are “really good” at getting married and divorced over and over again.

Essentially, “if someone gets divorced five times, they get counted five times,” Falcone says. It’s easy to see how this can set the statistic askew very quickly.

But truly, the biggest Achilles' heel of this truism is that it’s nearly impossible to truly “track every single marriage that's ever happened” to accurately determine how they ended, be it divorce or death…not to mention track the ones that are still going strong.


@alex_falcone Unlearning: No, 50% of marriages don't end in divorce.
♬ original sound - Alex Falcone


Of course, you don’t have to take Falcone’s word for it. Experts have been debunking this myth for years (of course, they haven't done it in nearly as entertaining a way as Falcone). According to the New York Times, the highest the divorce rate has ever been was 41%. Elsewhere there are estimates closer to 23%.

And the United States Census Bureau states that divorce rates have been declining over the past decade. We can thank certain societal shifts for this, like people waiting until later in life to get married, and the rise of long term, non-marital relationships.

In 2021, the rate was just under 7%. Again, no tangible ways of getting an accurate assessment, but certainly nowhere near 50%.

So how did this myth come to be in the first place?

The prevailing theory leads back to post-World War II, when the Baby Boomer generation began marrying and starting families, during which there were projections that divorce rates would eventually get that high. So far, they never have.

Bottom line: statistics aren’t always reliable. This is an especially important thing for couples to remember so as to not invoke some kind of self-fulling prophecy. After all, we are far more well-equipped with knowledge and resources to help strengthen our relationships than ever before. So don’t give up on love just yet!

@them_yangs/TikTok

Find yourself someone who you can hang out on the couch with form time to time.

As any couples therapist will tell you, continuing to go out on dates with our spouses is of course crucial in a marriage. But those lowkey nights of cuddling on the couch and just peacefully coexisting with one another is just as important, and just as rewarding.

This specific kind of domestic bliss was recently captured perfectly by a married woman who goes by @them_yangs on TikTok. In her video, she and her husband are wrapped up in a blanket—her with a glass of wine and a tablet for reading, him looking intently at a TV screen while playing a video game. Each perfectly content to just hang out with one another.

This was something that the woman’s friend apparently could not comprehend.


“I told my friend the other night I couldn’t go out with her because I was hanging out with my husband,” she explained. “And honestly she was confused. She was like ‘Oh, you’re going on a date with your husband?’ And I said ‘No, we’re just hanging out. I’m going to read, he’s going to play Zelda, we’re gonna drink wine on the couch. We’re just hanging out.’ And she could not understand the concept of hanging out with my husband. And I said ‘Don’t you hang out with your husband?’ and she said ‘No!’ and that made me sad.”


@them_yangs With her permission i share this stpry to say. I hope you like hanging out with your husband #husbandwife #booktok #couplegoals #marriedlife ♬ Full Moon - Michel Grimaldo


Though this wife’s friend couldn't fathom what made this hangout so special, other viewers certainly understood.

“Just existing with your partner doing your own things is so soothing,” one person wrote.

Another echoed, “Being able to hang out with your partner is top tier relationships goals.”

Others shared what their own version of spouse hangouts look like.

One person said, “Sometimes I sit on the phone with my sister for HOURS while we play our own games or do our own things because it’s nice to just have company and vibe even over the phone.”

A few argued for the necessity of nurturing friendship outside the marriage, too, as to not make partners the end-all, be-all relationship.

“I can hang out almost any day with my SO,” one viewer wrote. “So if a friend invited me somewhere I will go out and then hang out with SO another night.”

While that’s a fair point to make, we can’t assume that this woman doesn’t also have healthy relationships with her friends. Nor can we assume that this woman is saying that she spends every night this way. What she is saying, and what we can all take away from, is the importance of true friendship within a romantic partnership. Whether or not your partner is your best friend is probably up to personal preference. But hopefully they are a friend that you enjoy spending leisurely time with.

Couples can also take solace in the fact that date nights need not always be extravagant evenings of painting the town red. Enjoying each other’s company can take on many different forms.